Author: mikeladano

Metal, hard rock, rock and roll! Record Store Tales & Reviews! Grab A Stack of Rock and more. Poking the bear since 2010.

REVIEW: Bon Jovi – Greatest Hits: The Ultimate Collection (2 CD)

Part 1 of a 2 part Bon Jovi series.

ULTIMATE BJ_0001BON JOVI – Greatest Hits: The Ultimate Collection (2 CD)

I guess Bon Jovi were due for a new “hits” CD. Crossroads, after all, was 16 years old at that time, and Tokyo Road was only made available in Japan. Ultimate Collection isn’t the ultimate collection that I would have put out.  If you’re going to do two CDs, you have room for great also-rans like “Last Cigarette” and “Something For The Pain”.  Still, it’s not a bad Bon Jovi collection. Listening to it front-to-back, I was pleasantly reminded of all these hits, and man, Bon Jovi had a lot of hits. From early stuff like “Runaway” to the New Jersey classics such as “Born To Be My Baby”, to the newbies like “Have A Nice Day”, this has pretty much all the key Bon Jovi radio hits. Unfortunatly, you’re going to miss out on second-rung hits like “Dry County” and “Joey” but for the uninitiated, or those who just want a good sized Bon Jovi collection, this is the place to go.  I think it’s important to explore albums such as New Jersey (the review of which is Part 2 in this series) and Keep the Faith, as well as hits.

Almost every Bon Jovi album has hits included here, right up to The Circle. The song flow is excellent, hitting you with hit after hit after hit, landmark ballads sprinkled in between. And I give credit for the inclusion of “Blood On Blood”, a song that was never a single but has been a huge concert favourite due to its real life story of JBJ’s childhood. Not to mention it’s just a great song.

ULTIMATE BJ_0003The four new songs create feelings of moderate indifference to great dislike. “What Do You Got?” is another trademark Bon Jovi ballad, certainly nothing special, outshined to a great degree by all the other tunes here. It’s easily forgettable and feels tacked-on as an afterthought. But two of these new songs — “No Apologies” and “The More Things Change” are just awful songs. Cheesy, contrived, choose whatever words you like, they’re juvenile and awful and really don’t fit in among the classier hits. To me these are B-sides and perhaps should have been held back as B-sides.  Or just deleted completely.

Packaging is not the greatest. There are full songwriting and production credits, but they are arranged in such a way as to make finding information difficult. Performance credits are even harder to find — I couldn’t find bassists Hugh McDonald or Alec John Such’s names anywhere in the credits, and their pictures are also not included. There are a few more recent photos of the main four guys. No liner notes.

On the whole, despite the fact that I don’t really like the four new songs, I don’t regret this purchase. It’s going to be a great road CD. It is a good way to hear tunes like “We Weren’t Born To Follow” without listening to the album it came from, which I wasn’t too keen on. So, no regrets. I think most fans will like the album, they might even like the new songs.  Mrs. LeBrain’s Mom enjoyed it in the car and commented that she knew many of the songs.  Newcomers would be wise to pick this up as it has a great hit-per disc ratio!

3/5 stars

MOVIE REVIEW: G.I. Joe: Retaliation (Extended Action Cut) 2013

“We’re the Four fuckin’ Horsemen / Back for a second time.”

G.I. JOE: Retaliation (2013)

Directed by Jon M. Chu

I’m sorry if you saw the first movie, G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra (2009). That lowly turd of a film is one that I own, but can only sit through by splitting it into two or more sittings. Never in one. I saw it this way recently, and I managed to make it through. The movie was crap, and so was the toyline that went with it. All garbage. I don’t care to review the movie again, so to quote from my own old Amazon 2/5 star writeup:

The acting here is bad bordering on terrible. This Channing Tatum guy can’t act at all. Dennis Quaid pours the cheeze-wiz on every line of dialogue that General Hawk delivers. Marlon Wayons (Rip Cord), Rachel Nichols (Scarlet), and Sienna Miller (Baroness) are passable. The heavies tend to get the best roles and the best actors: Arnold Vosloo (Zartan) steals every scene he is in, and Joseph Gordon-Levitt is surprisingly serpentine as Cobra Commander. Christopher Eccleston is good as the Scottish arms dealer Destro, just menacing enough while also dignified and cool. Also, it’s nice to see Jonathan Pryce in anything…The direction by that hack Stephen Sommers (The Mummy) is gawd-awful.

Pryce was in the first movie far too briefly to be of any consequence to the finished product. That and many of the other weaknesses with the first film were dealt with here in G.I. Joe: Retaliation. Most of the cast was jettisoned. Wisely, Ray Park and Lee Byung-hun were retained as the iconic ninjas Snake-Eyes and Storm Shadow. Cobra Commander was re-cast (Gordon-Levitt being unnecessary and expensive behind a silver mask). Otherwise only Pryce, Arnold Vosloo and Channing Tatum survive to the second film. Even though Dennis Quaid was contracted to do three movies, leadership has fallen to Tatum’s Duke. Newcomers include Duke’s buddy Roadblock (Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson) and new recruits Jady Jaye, Flint, and Jinx.

Another issue that I had with the first film was that I felt the tech was too sci-fi and outlandish. This is tamed down a tad in this movie, although everything is still futuristic enough. The bad guys don’t all have ray guns and anti-gravity jets and shit this time. They usually fire bullets and fly helicopters and jets and stuff. The characters and vehicles look more like the original toys did. There are things such as the HISS (High Speed Sentry) tanks that look like the toys you had. Roadblock looks like the figure you had, or wanted (in my case the latter). So does Cobra Commander, finally.

JOE 46Anyway that’s all window dressing if there’s no story. The story is this: Master of disguise Zartan is still impersonating the President of the United States (Jonathan Pryce, who is the real star of the movie). Cobra Commander and Destro are still imprisoned, but the Commander is freed by his ninja Storm Shadow. With the explosives expert Firefly (another toy you wanted), they engineer the betrayal and destruction of the entire G.I. Joe team. Only a handful survive. Then the President replaces them with the services of a new security contractor called Cobra.

There’s also a new Ultimate Weapon called Zeus which is pretty silly physics-wise, because in real life it wouldn’t work. (If a satellite merely “dropped”, ie: let go of, a rod of tungsten, the tungsten would simply settle into the same orbit as the satellite.) We’ll overlook this because BOOM! DADOOOM! KABLAAAMM! SLASH! SWISH! SWING! There’s action. There’s a frickin’ battle with ninjas hanging off the side of a mountain, people. It makes no sense in any sort of real physical way but it looks nifty and must have looked great in 3D in theaters. I found it odd that the G.I Joe team is the only military force in the world today operating without any sort of helmet or hat or head gear of any kind.

Pic from yojoe.com

Joe Colton pic from yojoe.com

Back to the story, G.I. Joe has been wiped out.  The Rock and his friends need help, so they go to the only man they know they can trust: Bruce Willis. In the original Marvel comics and Hasbro toyline (fuck Sunbow), Joe Colton was the original, retired G.I. Joe. In fact his code name was “G.I. Joe”. Willis is the perfect choice to play this hard-ass and I have to admit it’s big fun to see him and the Rock kicking ass in the same scenes.

As a self-proclaimed Marvel Comics Joe nerd, the original gospel of Larry Hama is all. I enjoyed that this movie tended to go back to the original source material for ideas more so than the original film did. I won’t get into specifics too much, except to say that certain things especially in relation to Snakes and Stormy reflect events that happened in the comics. Staying truer to the strong source material (Hama was no slouch) only helps the movie which otherwise is just a collage of BOOM!

As for the Blu-ray, I was pleased to hear a balanced 7.1 surround mix.  I was a bit baffled to hear The Four Horsemen’s “Back In Business Again” in the movie soundtrack, but more power to ’em.  I didn’t watch too many of the special features.   I did watch both versions of the film (the “Extended Action Cut” is on the Blu and the theatrical on the DVD) but I don’t have any impressions of which is better.  Most recently I watched the extended version and it was plenty cool.

3/5 stars

RETALIATION_0002

REVIEW: Gilby Clarke – Pawnshop Guitars (1994)

GILBY CLARKE – Pawnshop Guitars (1994 Virgin)

I cannot believe that this album came out 20 years ago.  We’d been inundated with GN’R solo albums in recent years, and I had no interest in yet another.  It was T-Rev who urged me to check it out.  T-Rev was a huge Guns N’ Roses fan.  Gilby Clarke was in GN’R for a few years, long enough to make some friends in high places and record this amazing debut solo record before being kicked out by Axl himself. (He was replaced by Axl’s childhood friend and co-writer Paul Tobias.)  Pawnshop Guitars is, of all the solo material recorded by all the ex-GN’R members, the very best of the bunch.

Every single member of the GN’R lineup circa 1994 makes an appearance here: Slash, Duff, Matt, Dizzy, and even the reclusive Axl himself, on a cover of “Dead Flowers”. Rob Affuso of Skid Row, Frank Black, Ryan Roxie and more show up for the party, and it sounds like one hell of a party. The Slash solos are unmistakable on “Tijuana Jail” (a “Radar Love”-esque smoker) and “Cure Me…Or Kill Me…”.  Indeed one wonders why they didn’t just release a bunch of these songs, a bunch of Slash’s songs, and call it the next Guns N’ Roses album.  Alas that never happened.

On this side of the border 20 pesos gets you dead

I don’t think there are any weak songs on Pawnshop Guitars. The influences are varied, but there is a strong vintage flavour.  Whereas Izzy Stradlin tended to channel the Rolling Stones via Keith Richards on his own solo debut, Gilby draws from the Beatles and Stones in equal measure. A song like “Black” sounds like a John Lennon outtake, but mixed with a batch of Joe Perry’s Boneyard Brew hot sauce.  I like Gilby’s lead vocals.  He’s not a power singer but his voice has character that suits the music.  It lends it a glam rock slant.

Other standout songs include the swampy “Skin & Bones” (an acoustic number that would have worked great as a GN’R tune), “Hunting Dogs”, “Jail Guitar Doors”, “Shut Up”…hell they’re all great.   T-Rev talked me into buying this album and it was a great purchase.  I liked it immediately.  Any serious Guns N’ Roses fan would do well to own this, one of the missing links between Use Your Illusion and Chinese Democracy.

5/5 stars

Part 275: Catharis (Second Anniversary special)

MIKELADANOMikeladano.com celebrates its second anniversary today!  It started with Record Store Tales Part 1, and here we are at Part 275!  (That’s one tale every 2.65 days for the numbers-oriented out there.)  A huge THANK-YOU to everyone who’ve read my stuff; as David Lee Roth says, “It ain’t no fuckin’ good without an audience.”  I also need to thank those friends that read this stuff years ago and told me to keep writing — they know who they are.   And my family, but especially the lovely Mrs. LeBrain who lets me rock and roll all nite and part of every day.  I love you sweety.

Enjoy this Record Store Tale!

RECORD STORE TALES Part 275:  Catharsis

Sometimes when I hit these milestones, I like to reflect on where I’ve been and where I’m headed.  Two years ago when I began publishing the Record Store Tales I didn’t know if anyone would read it.  I was pleased to find that enough people enjoyed reading these stories that it was worth continuing.

I knew when I started posting these that eventually, inevitably, somebody from the old record store would find them.  I made the decision to write under my real name, not a pseudonym.  I anticipated that while some of my old friends would be entertained by these stories, some would not.  I took efforts to protect the identities of the characters in the story that are not portrayed in a positive light.

I did a “soft” launch of the site.  That is, I began publishing the stories one chapter at a time, but I kept it to myself and a close circle of friends.  The response was very positive and constructive.  While some friends urged me to “keep it short”, one of the most popular earlier stories was one of the longest.  Part 16: Traveling Man was the story of a long misadventure in Oakville Ontario, climaxed by an encounter with an unpleasant lawyer customer.  One friend told me the story was “fucking hilarious” and that he anticipated from the start that the guy in the story was a lawyer.   This feedback encouraged me to keep going for it.  I was fired up.

Then once I had enough content up to give people something substantial to read, I did my “official” launch via Facebook, Twitter and email.  It didn’t take long for the rain to hit my parade.  As I anticipated some people from the store didn’t like my stories, but Spoogecakes was the only one to publicly voice her disgust, way back in Part 35.5.  The funny thing about this was that I hadn’t planned on even mentioning Spoogecakes in my story, but then she went and wrote herself in.  Oh well.

I never could have done a white-washed version of the Record Store Tales.  I tried.  Seven or eight years ago I tried something called “Record Store-ies” (lame title, I know).  Some of the “Record Store-ies” got recycled into the old Klassic Kwotes, but it wasn’t the satisfying, cathartic experience that my soul had been craving.  After the Spoogecakes shit-storm, I approached a mentor of mine about the situation.  I asked him if I had been too negative in the past, if I should have toned it down.  His response to me was something I have taken to heart ever since.

“If you compromise your art in order to please a small minority of people no matter how vocal, you will ultimately end up with a piece of art that you don’t like.”

That was great advice.  My bottom line is always, “Do I like it?”  I’ve tried to maintain a balance.  There are stories about people with whom I conflicted, but there are also stories about things like me shitting my pants in the store.   And I didn’t give myself an alias for these stories!

This isn’t just storytelling to me.  This is catharsis.  While I was experiencing everything I experienced in the record store, good or bad, I held tight to one thought.  That thought was, “When this is all over, at least I will have a bunch of great stories to share.  If I can entertain just a few people with these stories then it’s all been worth it.”   Spoogecakes commented that there are “two sides to every story”.

That’s right.  And this is mine.

BOOK REVIEW: Brian Vollmer – Gimme An R! (2005)

BRIAN VOLLMER – Gimme An R!
The story of Brian Vollmer, lead vocalist of Helix (2005)

Forget all those books by the mega stars like Slash and Sammy Hagar that have come out in recent years. Those books have one thing in common — they were written (or co-written, anyway) by guys who are rock superstars! Megastars! It’s hard for me as a reader to relate to a guy who hasn’t had to hold down a job in 30 years. Not that there’s anything wrong with stardom, it’s just an observation.  I can’t relate to the human beings.   Not so with this book!

Brian Vollmer, lead vocalist of the hardest working band in Canada (that would be Helix), comes across as a pretty regular guy.  (I’ve met him a number of times, and he’s about as regular as anybody you’d know.)  Yes, he’s traveled the world in a rock band and played for thousands of people, but at the end of the day the book is something I can still relate to. Through crappy jobs in crappy convenience stores, crappy apartments, getting mugged, it doesn’t seem like a rock star’s life.  There are parallels in the story similar to other bands such as Anvil (another hard-working Canadian band). While Vollmer always manages to scrape by and continue to Rock Us, nothing comes easy.  Incredibly through it all Brian Vollmer never really stopped being an artist.  He seemed to always keep music, and Helix in his life even after dozens of lineup changes and band members.  (Approximately 35 people have been in Helix since 1974.  The newest member is Cambridge’s Chris Julke, replacing John Claus.)

From humble beginnings in Listowel Ontario to playing in Sweden, England and Trinidad, Vollmer’s tome has plenty of rock and roll stories. As one of the first Canadian bands to release independent albums in the 1970’s, he was a bit of a pioneer. Gimme An R! is loaded with rock star encounters one after the other, from Eddie Van Halen (on stage!) to Gene Simmons.  Vollmer remains himself through it all, even after Helix signed their big deal with Capitol and released “Rock You”.  The tragic death of primary co-writer Paul Hackman nearly derailed the band.  Even after the departures of longtime partners Brent Doerner, Fritz Hinz, and finally Daryl Gray, Brian kept going.  He kept the Helix name alive, finding success on the internet which was a brand new way for him to make contact, and sell albums directly to his fans.  Then, a little TV show called Trailer Park Boys helped expose Helix to a new audience.

R_0004
R_0003

Included between the covers are dozens of black and white photos of the band over the years.  From small-town Ontario to meeting superstars like Richard Pryor and Robin Williams, it’s a pretty cool collection of snaps. Unfortunately while reading I found myself distracted by spelling errors — “Atlantis Morissette” for example.  I would like to see a second printing that corrects these mistakes.  (A new chapter on the last decade would be cool too Brian!)

Vollmer’s prose is not frilly or poetic, but it’s conversational and descriptive.  There’s no ghost writer, so the pictures that Brian paints of all those seedy bars in the dead of winter come straight from his memory to the page.  He’s a great storyteller.  The bottom line is that the story of Helix keeps you hooked.  I’ve had friends come over and pick up the book, and they just get entranced. It’s a really different side of the rock and roll tales.  It shows what old fashioned determination and hard work can accomplish.

I have to knock off half a star for the spelling errors. It’s just one of those pet peeves — nothing personal, Brian!  I do highly recommend it Gimme An R! to rock fans world wide who’d like a different, more humble angle on the whole rock star thing.

4.5/5 stars

REVIEW: Thin Lizzy – Thin Lizzy (2010 remastered edition)

THIN LIZZY – Thin Lizzy / New Day EP (2010 Decca, originally 1971)

Nothing against early Lizzy — I do like Vagabonds of the Western World. On this one, Lizzy’s first ever wax, they had not yet evolved into the dual guitar duelers that they were to become. A trio with Eric Bell, Brian Downey and Philip himself, the evolution of Lizzy is similar to that of Deep Purple. Both bands had to overcome three sleepy early albums with a prototypical lineup before they became the rock gods that they were destined to be.

Thin Lizzy includes a few good songs, my favourite being “Ray-Gun”. However, I must reiterate that this is a sleepy album. The component parts are all fine — great guitar work, great drumming, interesting riffs and lyrics scattered here and there. They never quite coalesce into memorable songs, except on spare occasions.

In fact, the bonus tracks on this CD version of Thin Lizzy are actually superior to the album itself! Their first single, “The Farmer” is better than most of the album tracks.  The cool thing is that “The Farmer” was recorded when Lizzy were a quartet with Eric Wrixton on keyboards.  Notably, “The Farmer’s” B-side, “I Need You”, is absent and I don’t know where else you’d find it.  It’s not on Lizzy’s excellent Vagabonds, Kings, Warriors, Angels box set either (although “The Farmer” is). Bummer.

NEW DAY EPThe New Day EP is here in its completion, containing some great songs. The mournful ballad “Dublin” and “New Day” are both great songs. Interesting is “Old Moon Madness”, a workout that sounds like Thin Lizzy meets Captain Beefheart without the growling vocals. “Things Ain’t Working Out Down At The Farm” is the final tune from the New Day EP, another decent track. What’s with Phil’s obsession with farmers? “Return of the Farmer’s Son” is another song title on the album itself….

The CD is closed by four remixes from the 1977 album The Continuing Saga of the Aging Orphans, where Gary Moore and Midge Ure overdubbed new guitar and keyboard parts to modernize the songs. These remixes are generally preferred by me to the original versions. I would love a proper reissue of The Continuing Saga of the Aging Orphans, as a handful of its tracks have yet to be issued on CD.

Not the greatest album. The bonus material is superior.

2.5/5 stars

Part 274: The Hawks

Eric Singer: The Hawk?

RECORD STORE TALES Part 274:  The Hawks

Everybody hates aspects of their jobs. One that I…well, I didn’t hate it, but I disliked it…was buying used CDs off customers. For every one person that came in with a bag or box of treasure, were five assholes with shit. But there were many “types” of sellers. Some sample negative “seller types” that I could see on any given day included:

“What’s ‘The Hawk'” you ask? I’m glad you inquired. The Hawk was among the most annoying type of customer you could find. I’m going to re-create a sample interaction with a Hawk-type for you. I call them Hawks because they watched us like hawks. Sometimes they’d just sit there and watch silently, but the worst Hawks were the talkative ones.

Hawk: “Hey how’s it going. I got what you’re looking for.”

Me: “Oh yeah what do you have?”

Hawk: “Used CDs that’s what! Got a whole bunch for you in this box. So how does this work? $5 each?”

Me: “Well, what happens is I go through them, check them for scratches, and then I’ll figure out prices for each one. I base that on how many we have in stock, the condition of the CD, what it sells for, and so on. So if you’d like to take a look around, give me about 15-20 minutes to do that.”

Hawk: “No that’s OK, I’ll hang here for a bit.”

Me: “OK.”

I’d start going through the discs, taking each one out, checking the playing surface. It’s sometimes a long process. You had to keep an eye on the packaging as well, so many people sold CDs with the wrong discs inside. If I bought one like that, I’d be responsible for my mistake monetarily. The talkative Hawks would question every single move.

SILKHawk: “What’s that pile? Is that for all country CDs?”

Me: “No…that’s the pile that’s in good shape.”

Hawk: “Then what are those piles?”

Me: “Those are ones I’m passing on.”

Hawk: “What for? Those are good CDs. There’s some old Boz Scaggs in there. He’s hard to find.”

Me: “Some of them are just a tad too scratched for me to take. But if you give me some time I’ll get myself organized here and then I can explain what I’ve done.”

Hawk: “Nah I like watching. Now that CD there, that’s a double.”

Me: “Yes, I know. I’ve seen this album a few times.”

Hawk: “And that one there? That’s an import. Guy at HMV charged me $30 for that thing, and it only has the one good song! You’re gonna give me at least $10 for it right?”

Me: “Well, I can tell you right now I can’t give you $10, but I haven’t priced any of these yet so I’m not quite there.”

Hawk: “That one’s good. You ever heard of this guy before?”

Me: “Pat Travers? Yes.”

Hawk: “Really? Where’s a young guy like you hear of Pat Travers?”

Me: “I’m 30.”

You guys think I’m making this up? Hell no! Maybe not all in one conversation, but these are all things that have been said to me by various Hawks over the years! Anyway at this point I could end up with a dozen piles of CDs in front of me.

Me: “OK, so what we have here are all CDs that have minor blemishes on them. I can take them but for a little less because we have to get them polished up. So from left to right I can give you $1 each, $2…”

Hawk: “$1 for these?”

Me: “Yes, the sticker price on those are fairly low…”

Hawk: “But I paid $20 for this at HMV!”

Me: “I know but that CD has dropped in price drastically since it came out. It’s a budget price disc now.”

Hawk: “Alright, alright, go on.”

Me: “$2 each, $3 each and $4 for those.”

Hawk: “But that’s a double.”

Me: “I know, but both discs are scuffed so I have to get both fixed, and it also sells for about the price of a single CD.”

Hawk: “Show me these scuffs you’re talking about.”

So I’d hand him a CD and point out the marks. Hawk would say, “That’ll just wipe off,” and then proceed to wipe the CD on his T-shirt and hand it back to me.

CRASHMe: “Yeah, that’s…that’s still scratched. Anyway, that’s those, you can certainly hang onto them if you want. As for these, these were all in excellent shape. For these I can go $2 each, $3 each…”

Hawk: “$3 for Pat Travers? Do you know how hard to get this is?”

Me: “OK, I’ll give you $4 on that one, but I can’t go any higher because it’s a budget CD these days. You can get it at HMV’s website brand new for about $11.”

Hawk: “I’m keeping my Pat Travers. My buddy offered me $10 for that one, he said it’s hard to get. I told him I was going to you first, because you guys say you offer the best prices in town.”

Me: “Yeah, sure, if he’s going to give you $10 for it, I would say go for it, that is a good deal for both of you.”

Hawk: “Gimme $10 for Travers and I’ll throw in this whole pile of CDs for free.”

Me: “But that’s the pile of CDs that I can’t take because they’re too scratched.”

Hawk: “So sell them at a buck a piece and you’re still making money.”

VALUEMe: “I’m sorry I can’t do that.”

Hawk: “Why not? Somebody will buy them. Just put the box out with a sticker that says $15 for the whole box and you’re gonna sell it.”

Me: “We don’t really sell stuff by the box…never mind, I just can’t take them, sorry about that.”

Hawk: “Alright. So what’s that come to? $100 and we’ll call it a deal.”

Me: “I can give you $80 cash or $90 store credit.”

Hawk: “$90.”

Me: “You want the store credit?”

Hawk: “No, you give me $90 cash and we’ll call it done.”

Me: “I’ll give you $80 cash and that’s a good deal.”

Hawk: “$90 and I give you this box of CDs.”

Me: “I can’t take those.”

Hawk: “Jesus, what happened to negotiation? I’ll take the $80!”

The Hawks. Reason #87 that I disliked buying used goods off the public!

WTF Search Terms: Whole Lotta WTF edition

It’s the regular feature where I reveal weird search terms that somehow led people here.  These are the WTF Search Terms!

WTF Search Terms XVII:  Whole Lotta WTF edition

First up, I don’t think Louis Vuitton makes these yet:

10. louis vuitton bong

Next: a variation of these search terms show up in my stats every day.  Every. Single. Day. (Sometimes, “whores” is spelled “whorez”.)

9. boobsy animation whores wearing glasses acquire screwed
8. film boobsy animation whores wering glasses acquire screwed hardocore versi panjang
7. boobsy animation whores wearing glasses acquire screwed hardcore 4 full animation

I was hoping I would get hits for this eventually, that’s why I tagged it:

6. hatee hatee hatee ho

I have addressed this question so many damn times that I refuse to do it again:

5. did farrel mitchner really die
4. did farrel mitchner actually die in fubar

Sounds delicious, but I have no idea how this guy ended up here:

3. sweet pickle salad + bonus

Nine hits from this one. Nine. Hits.

2. videos da bada white snack

And finally, I have no comment for our #1 search term:

1. lala blah but nugget

Come back soon for more hilarious WTFs!

WTF

REVIEW: Devil’s Got A New Disguise – The Very Best of Aerosmith (2006)

AEROSMITH – Devil’s Got A New Disguise – The Very Best of Aerosmith (2006 Sony BMG)

Aren’t contracts a bitch? Aerosmith thinks so too. Eager to complete their contract with Sony, but sidelined by Tom Hamilton’s throat cancer, the band chose to release yet another greatest hits album. This being their third since the release of their last original studio album, Just Push Play.

Devil’s Got A New Disguise is nice in one respect.  It’s one of only a few compilations that covers the “old days”, the 80’s, and the 90’s.  It also contains a number of single versions that aren’t on the studio albums.  There have been so many Aero-collections, however, that I’ve lost track of where else you can get these single versions.

From the early days, only five songs are included, from three albums.  It’s a shame that somebody thought this was a good idea.  Where’s “Same Old Song and Dance”?  Then the Run DMC hit collaboration “Walk This Way” is up, in its familiar single edit.  The Geffen years follow, which were chock full of hit after hit after hit.  I am so, so sick of the Geffen years from sheer overplay, although “Angel” is conspicuous by its absence. (It is on the UK version of Devil’s Got A New Disguise, which had five different songs.)

The rarities here include single edits and remixes. “What It Takes” (one of the songs I’m not sick of) is present in edited and remixed form, the same version you probably heard on the radio.  “Crazy” and “Livin’ On the Edge” are also single edits, and a “pop mix” of “I Don’t Wanna Miss A Thing” is included.  Whoopee!  I really don’t know if I had these already or not, to be honest.  I have a lot of Aero-singles.

The bait to buy this is two new songs: “Sedona Sunrise”, and “Devil’s Got a New Disguise”. Both are actually songs that were written 15 years prior for Pump, and reworked several times, so you can’t even accuse Aerosmith of writing new songs. Since “Devil’s Got A New Disguise” (formerly known as “Susie Q”) failed to make Pump, Get A Grip, Nine Lives, Just Push Play, or any of the hits albums featuring two news songs previous to this one (Big Ones and O, Yeah!), then you know it can’t be very good. And it’s not. The modern production on it is shit.  “Sedona Sunrise”, a soft one, is a bit better.

For your money, a better Aerosmith compilation with the exact same span of coverage but with two CDs of music is O, Yeah! Ultimate Aerosmith Hits.  It too had its own duo of new songs, more classics and double the playing time.

2/5 stars

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Part 273: Purp Ate My Balls Redux: Special Edition

RECORD STORE TALES Part 273:
Purp Ate My Balls Redux: Special Edition

I am thrilled to have discovered all the missing pictures of the infamous “Purp Ate My Balls” gallery.  This isn’t everyone who owned the shirt, just the ones who took pictures.

What’s the “Purp Ate My Balls” shirt?  Well, to quote the original story, Part 227:

10 years ago my online handle was “Purpendicular.”  (Gee, where did I get that name from?)  ”Purp” made a good short-form nickname.  For whatever reason…and believe me I wish I could remember…Sarge decided to make and give out 40 or 50 “Purp Ate My Balls” shirts!  He gave them to all his shop employees (Metal Fatigue in Bournemouth) and I’m pretty sure all the Klopeks ended up with them too.

Here’s a whole lotta pictures of English people wearing me on their shirts!

“Purp Ate My Balls”

I also found the original photo that started it all!

PURP ATE MY BALLS