I was cleaning out the closet two weeks ago. I found a folder, full of old writing. I found stuff that I had written with chums Danesh and Andy back in highschool. But most interestingly, I found this. This is not my first published work (that would be an article about turtles from grade 2 in the local newspaper). This may be, however, my first published work along the lines of what I’m doing now.
Dating back to 1995, my second year at the store, I was already getting jaded! This is my very first music article: “Bands That I Think Suck”. It was published in the University of Waterloo paper Scientific Notation as a comedy piece. Thanks to Abbas Rizvi for doing so, wherever you are.
I still stand by most of this, but I have since grown to like Pink Floyd. (See: Part 28: The Boy Who Killed Pink Floyd).
This might be the last time I obsessive-compulsively buy one of these crazy expensive box sets. With fresh memories of how beautiful the AC/DC Backtracks Deluxe box set was, I eagerly placed my preorder. I mean, Alice Cooper 1964-1974! The golden years! The orginal Alice Cooper Band! When it finally arrived I was blown away by the packaging, bonus goodies, and other finds.
However, musically, this is almost not even worth owning. You have to be a massive, massive, die hard Cooper fan to want to hear a whole five minutes of Bob Ezrin’s kids giggling and singing during the School’s Out sessions. You have to be a masocist to want to hear that horrible loud feedback that just goes on forever during a seven minute run through the same song. The radio ads are nice, but hardly what we as collectors want out of a box set of this stature. Sprinkled in with this junk are the odd good live takes, such as “Under My Wheels” in New York 1973. Unfortunately there are just as many early tracks from the Zappa years that aren’t nearly as good, nor recorded that well. Everything on the first two odds n’ sods discs are either live, rough sketches or demos, studio sessions, or radio ads. Lots of repeat too — there are three takes of “Muscle Of Love”, you will hear “School’s Out” three times in different forms, and “I’m Eighteen” three times as well.
The third CD is, disappointingly an interview disc. It’s a shame to spend this much money and only get three CDs worth of music (the fourth CD is a live one). I did enjoy hearing Alice discuss Muscle of Love and the end of the original band. The other surviving band members, and Ezrin, participate in the discussion.
The only real treasure here musically is the fourth CD, a 10 song set from the Killers tour in 1971. This set is duplicated on a 180 gram vinyl enclosed within. It is from bootleg sources, but where sound quality suffers, the band makes up for it in youth. Lots of static and noise but the band is absolutely on fire in a way that they are not on the first two CDs. I also like that they duplicated the look of 70’s bootleg vinyl with the packaging.
Finally, there is a 7″ single, heavy vinyl, a replica of Cooper’s first single from 1967 as Nazz. The tracks are “Wonder Who’s Loving Her Now?” and “Lay Down And Die Goodbye”. (I only wish that there was a way to download this in mp3 format with the purchase of this set.) See scan below for complete tracklist for the entire box set. LeBrain is nothing if not helpful!
There is a documentary DVD included as well, which although containing lots of fun vintage clips, is very poor value for the money. You are treated to — for the second time now! — the same interview that you just finished listening to! And not only that, but they chose to shoot the interview with the original band in a noisy maintenance room. Why?
Now, packaging wise, this box set is a whole other beast!
The box itself is shaped like a kid’s school desk. The old wooden kind that they had in the 50’s, with the top that opens up and the ink well. It’s hinged and it opens where the school desk would. It is very sturdy and the hinge is metal. Inside are, as discussed:
The 12″ vinyl of the live 1971 show.
The 7″ single reproduction.
1 DVD, Old School 1964-1974
4 CDs, Old School 1964-1974
There is a yearbook, with the whole story told by multiple sources. However, a few things are brushed over, such as the alcohol problems that were setting in. Alice was a full blown alcoholic, a 2 beer first thing in the morning kind of guy. His guitar player Glen Buxton was so wasted that they had him onstage with his guitar turned down to 0, and having a guest guitarist play way off to the side. So none of this is in the yearbook. Great photos though, particular of Alice’s own yearbook. The entire band were a highschool band. All five guys. Lots of great photos from this era, and on to the mid-70’s.
There is a booklet, inside of which is a reproduction concert ticket from 1972 for Wembley. (£1.00 admission back then apparently, imagine that today!) There is also a 1971 tour book (Killers tour), a complete reproduction, and a whole bunch of 8 1/2 x 11 poster reproductions. Lastly there is a replica setlist, which is nothing special. The thing I don’t like about this booklet is that you have to be very careful when you put items back into it, or when you fold everything back together you’ll dogear something.
As I said in the beginning, I think this is the last time I buy one of these box sets compulsively. I knew the music was likely to be iffy and it was. I probably should have saved my money, although the box is a beautiful conversation piece.
BLACK SABBATH – Heaven and Hell (2011 deluxe edition)
Of the Sabbath reissues, Heaven and Hell has proven to be one of the most anticipated, but also one of the most skimpy. Anticipated, because in addition to the usual B-sides, this one also includes some previously unreleased live tracks. Skimpy, because the bonus disc only has a minimal seven songs on it.
Even the most diehard of Ozzy fanatics usually begrudgingly concede that Heaven and Hell is a damn fine album. Powerfully heavy, but clean, slick and to the point, Heaven and Hell is the only Black Sabbath album to feature the lineup of Ronnie James Dio on lead vocals, and original members Tony Iommi, Geezer Butler, and Bill Ward. As such it has a different vibe from Mob Rules, due to Bill’s swing and thrift. Nobody can swing like Bill Ward, and I believe that Vinny Appice would agree with me. There is nary a weak song on the whole album (although “Lady Evil” comes close as far as I’m concerned). There are no less than two crucial singles, in “Neon Knights” and “Die Young”, both trademark Dio speed rockers. There is also, of course, the epic title track. A riff so famous that it rivals such classics as “Iron Man” and “Paranoid”. Let us not forget that when Tony Iommi appeared at the Freddie Mercury tribite concert back in 1992, it was “Heaven and Hell” that Brian May chose to introduce Iommi with, not “Iron Man” or “Paranoid”!
Really, Heaven and Hell is a perfect Sabbath album, perhaps the only truly perfect Sabbath album besides the crucial first six with Ozzy. While I love Born Again (my favourite album of all time by anybody) even I must admit that its production values make the record an ugly duckling. No such problem here. Martin Birch has expertly recorded the band. His production is not the wall of sludge of early Sabbath. It is a clearer, leaner beast, but no less mean. The teeth are sharp indeed. (This is before Birch allegedly succumbed to cocaine on Mob Rules.)
The bonus disc begins with the two live B-sides, “Children of the Sea” and “Heaven and Hell” itself, both (in my opinion) superior to the later live versions due to the presence of Bill Ward. “Heaven and Hell” is clipped off at the end however, I believe this is the version from the 7″ single, not the 12″. (But fear not, the full 12″ version is later!) Then there’s a 7″ mono version of “Lady Evil”, the only song I didn’t need to hear twice. Although I have to admit I had no idea they were still making mono records in 1980.
Finally there are the previously unreleased live songs! All the best tunes, recorded live in 1980 with Bill Ward on drums, and in this batch of songs is also the 12″ version of “Heaven and Hell”, the full 12 minute version that I have on the “Die Young” single. This has all the solos and Ronnie’s singalong vocals.
So there you have it. Not as much running time as Mob Rules, but Mob Rules also didn’t include anything that wasn’t unreleased.
5/5 stars. A landmark album, and this is the version to own. Oh, and the remastering sounds great!
New CD special orders were something we did, but not frequently, because often the person wouldn’t pick the disc up. At one point in 1995/1996 though, we got this new distributer who had the most insane shit in his catalogue. Our own stock improved dramatically because of this. Suddenly we were carrying the Japanese import Hormoaning by Nirvana in our regular stock. We were also getting in these UK-issued Iron Maiden imports with bonus discs of B-sides. They are rare and highly coveted today. Trevor and I oversaw the stocking of this stuff. Trevor was made store manager of this first location in 1996, and I was given my own store a few months later.
For me personally these were the peak years, when Trevor and I had the most creative control over the store. For example I remember we had a “forthcoming releases” board, that Trev and I updated every month. As a joke, we always had Guns N’ Roses on the board as coming “in 6 months”. This is because even back in 1996, the new GN’R album was constantly being announced and then delayed.
It came out for real in 2009.
We were also alble to use this new distributer to add to our own collections. For myself, I ordered a complete set of the afforementioned Maiden collections, 10 albums altogether. I also got all the new Maiden singles as they came out. It was a great time to be a collector, and if Trev and I thought something was worth stocking, we had the freedom to do so. We were starting to carry Oasis singles, where they had always avoided that kind of stock before.
Trevor had his finger on the pulse of what was coming out. He tweaked onto Oasis very early. He got me into it very quickly. In a time when good new rock bands were few and far between, Oasis were a breath of fresh air to me. For a change, a band inspired by the classics like the Beatles and Stones, not another punk or grunge band.
One thing Trev and I tried to special order for ourselves, but never managed to get, were the Japanese imports of the first two Oasis discs. They each contained bonus tracks: “Sad Song”, and “Bonehead’s Bank Holiday” respectively, both great tracks.
Sometimes a customer would special order something, and you couldn’t wait to see it come in. I remember a guy ordered Twisted Sister’s Live at Hammersmith, back in a time when it was absolutely impossible to find any Twisted Sister in any stores, let along a double live. I couldn’t wait to check out the tracklisting. My buddy Aaron special ordered the Sloan 2 CD edition of One Chord, but we failed to hook him up. He bought it elsewhere. No hard feelings Aaron.
I probably special ordered stuff for myself more than Trev did. Trev had a saying: “Don’t buy it new. If you buy it new, it’ll come in used a week later.” And he actually had a pretty good batting average with that saying. I would say a good 75% of the time, when Trev or myself bought something new like a special order, we saw a used copy come in within the next 7 days.
It was almost like magic.
Nowadays, there’s never a need to special order anything. Amazon and eBay are both happy to do that for you. New or used. And the collection grows….
I’d like to give a shout-out to Tommy Morais, who requested this review! Check out his Amazon Reviews, he is one of their top rated reviewers!
I first became aware of Oriantha when Alice Cooper hired her as his new lead guitarist, replacing Damon Johnson. Doing my research, I saw that she had even worked with Steve Vai and Michael Jackson! This meant, the lady could play!
Because I don’t do things small, I decided to pick up the Japanese import of Believe (II) to check out her skills. The Japanese import contains 3 bonus tracks: two versions of a Cream cover, “Sunshine of Your Love”, and a useless remix of “According To You”.
ORIANTHI – Believe (II) Japanese import with bonus tracks (2009)
I’m not really into this kind of pop rock anymore, but Orianthi does fill this more aggressive pop rock void that Avril used to occupy. Believe (II) reminds me of that one sincerely good Avil album, the second one, in that it’s undoubtedly rock yet melodic and well recorded, not overproduced.
What separates this girl from the rest of them is that her chops on the guitar are absolutely stunning. Each song has a solo spot, well composed, and expertly executed. This girl is a shredder who happens to play commercial pop rock. Well, OK. I can dig it.
The best tracks to me seem to the be chosen singles: “According to You”, “Shut Up and Kiss Me”, and the instrumental “Highly Strung”, featuring Oriantha trading licks with Vai. There’s also a decent version of “Missing You” by John Waite, which, I guess, I like better than the original, since I really don’t like John Waite.
The songs are written by the usual suspects, song doctors new and old including Desmond Child. There are a couple tracks though that are not messed with by song doctors, and I hope that Orianthi is moving more in that direction in the future.
Orianthi has a good but not an especially different sounding voice from all the other girls rocking it out there these days. Her range is good, she has power, just not a particularly unique sound or style. I also can’t help but think she’s trying to sing “American”.
I think it’s a good enough album for this stage in her career, and I think she is going to grow by leaps and bounds, touring the world with Alice Cooper. But before Orianthi makes another solo album, I hope she has the opportunity to record with Cooper.
RECORD STORE TALES Part 32: Pranks 1.0 – Live in Japan
“Mike, do you have a Deep Purple live album that is three discs?” I got this call from Trevor in early 1996. I was at home and I wasn’t working that day.
“Is it called Live In Japan?” I asked.
“Yeah…sure is. Three discs. Looks cool man! We just got it in, used!”
I told Trev to hold onto it, and I’d be there in 10 minutes. I hopped into my Chrysler Sundance, threw a Deep Purple cassette in the deck, and turned the key.
I was collecting Deep Purple at the time. My record collecting went in spurts. I’d always meant to start collecting the Purple canon, but their most recent album Purpendicular totally re-ignited the fire. In a few short months, I had already picked up When We Rock We Rock, Concerto for Group and Orchestra, King Biscuit Flower Hour, Shades Of, and The Book of Taleisyn.
I got to the store, only to see Trevor standing there with my buddy Rob V. Rob V., who in my University days, had schooled me on the ins and outs of Deep Purple. Rob V., who was the only other person in my circle of friends who knew about Live In Japan, by Deep Purple. I had just been punked.
There was no CD in stock. There was only my red face for falling for it! Damn guys! This wasn’t the only time that they pulled this one on me, but it was the only time I fell for it.
1983: Quiet Riot unleash Metal Health, one of the most critical albums to my personal musical makeup. I played that album over and over again. Side one was my favourite, but side two has grown on me tremendously since then. It was basically my only album for like a year.
2007: Lead vocalist Kevin DuBrow, original member, and writer of all their original songs, dies of a cocaine overdose. Drummer Frankie Banali, who joined the band in 1983 for Metal Health, wrote this:
“I have been approached to see if I would be interested in contacting Rudy Sarzo and Carlos Cavazo and to audition singers for Quiet Riot. I have also been approached to see if I would be interested in contacting and reforming the version of Quiet Riot that included Paul Shortino, Carlos Cavazo and Sean McNabb. Let me make this very simple and perfectly clear. While I am still actively involved in the business interests of Quiet Riot and will continue in that capacity, I reject any and all suggestions to have Quiet Riot continue as a live performing entity. My friendship, love and respect for Kevin DuBrow as well as my personal love and affection for Kevin’s mother and his family makes it inconceivable for me to ever entertain any ovation to reform or to continue Quiet Riot. Kevin was too important to go on without him. It would also be a disrespect to the fans who have supported Quiet Riot for nearly 25 years. I thank everyone for the wonderful and sometimes unpredictable adventure that I was able to share as a member of Quiet Riot. The only regret that I have is the loss of Kevin. May he rest in peace. I now begin life after Quiet Riot.”
2010: Frankie Banalie re-forms Quiet Riot, with new vocalist Mark Huff. They contain no original members: Both DuBrow and founder Randy Rhoads are dead. Original drummer Drew Forsythe no longer playes music. Co-founder (and best friend of Rhoads) Kelly Garni plays bass in a band with Doug “Kelle” Rhoads, Randy’s brother. Rounding out the new band are bassist Chuck Wright (who played on a few past QR albums), and guitarist Alex Grossi, from the final incarnation of the band with DuBrow.
2012: Mark Huff requires brain surgery. Banali fires Huff days before scheduled surgery. He is replaced by Keith St. John, of Montrose, for touring purposes.
2012: Ronnie Montrose passes away, putting an end to St. John’s gig with them.
2012: Banali replaces St. John with an unknown named Scott Vokoun. His first gig will be late March.
Now, I’ll take you back to 1983. Quiet Riot were the only band I listened to for like a year. I slept with that album. When that happens, you stay with a band through all the ups and downs. Some of the downs downs sucked: the firing of DuBrow and subsequent replacement with Paul Shortino, the break up of the band in 1988, the death of a talented bassist named Kenny Hillery, the crappy Down To The Bone CD, the crappy Alive & Well CD, the break up of the band again in 2004, the crappy Rehab CD, and of course the death of DuBrow.
There weren’t as many ups, at least to this fan. I still bought every album, even if I don’t listen to them. I just want “the complete collection”. I was excited when they reformed in 1993 and released the excellent and heavy Terrified CD. I was excited when the “classic” lineup reunited in 1997. Carlos Cavazo and Rudy Sarzo, two of my favourite musicians in any band, helped restore the long-missed Metal Health lineup.
I’m a true fan, in other words.
I’m not a fan boy, though. A fanboy worships every move a band makes, even when it’s as ill-advised as reuniting the band after stating it would never, ever happen. A true fan, one who loves the band, can be critical. True love can take the form of tough love.
Frankie, I’m really disappointed. I know you say that you got DuBrow’s mother’s blessings for this. That’s good, I’m glad about that. That doesn’t mean I have to give you my blessings, nor does any other fan. It’s not right. No original members, Frankie! Remember when you tried that in 1988? How did that work out for ya?
You promised us that we’d never have to put up with a hack Quiet Riot again — a tribute band called Quiet Riot, playing all the old songs that Kevin and Carlos wrote. You promised us that you would respect Kevin DuBrow’s memory. I know you always dedicate the shows to Kevin and talk about Kevin, and I think that’s really nice, and I’m not being sarcastic. I just don’t think it does respect to Kevin, having a hack band playing barely recognizable versions of his hits.
Frankie, listen. As a fan, we’d much rather be getting archive stuff. You know, live albums, re-releases, rarities. Anything but crappy live shows, essentially. It’s great that somebody’s releasing the US Festival on CD and DVD, but it’s not you doing it, is it? I don’t think it is anyway. You’ve got tapes, somebody has to have DuBrow’s tapes. Where’s “The Mighty Quinn”? Where’s the live video of “Laughing Gas”? Give us decent re-releases of the later albums with the bonus tracks so we don’t have to pay $100 on eBay. That kind of thing.
I hope the movie you’re releasing will be good, but I think sadly it’s too late for a film. Anvil caught lightning in a bottle. And I’m not too sure about who you hired as a director.
I keep saying it, I’m a fan. I can tell you that the version of Quiet Riot with Mark Huff on vocals sounded good. It did make a believer out of me. I held out hope for a new album with Huff on vocals (even though I couldn’t fathom who would write the songs). But then Frankie, you fired him. And then Frankie, your girlfriend/ fiance/ whatever-the-fuck, Regina, says that you didn’t knowhe was going to have the brain surgery. That may be, but she didn’t need to kick the man in the balls when he’s down, by alleging that he was fired for drug use. Did you guys even make a statement wishing him a speedy recovery? Where’s your class, Frankie?
As a final insult to the founder of Quiet Riot, Randy Rhoads himself, Regina tried to erase that part of the band’s past. She clumsily edited the band’s history to read that the Quiet Riot of Metal Health is a completely different band, not to be confused with the Quiet Riot of 1979. Sure, they had the same singer, same bass player, same name, used the same logo on occassion and played the same songs, but they were a different band, because they briefly broke up in betweem incarnations!
That’s kind of like saying that Deep Purple is not Deep Purple. (They have an original member by the way — the drummer.)
Regardless, DuBrow himself said in 2005, “Happily, I am back with my life-long musical love, and the band I helped Randy Rhoads form Quiet Riot.” Here, DuBrow states clearly that he makes no distinction between the Quiet Riot of 2005, and the original band with Rhoads.
Why are the Banali camp doing this? Well, by erasing the version of Quiet Riot that included Dubrow, Rhoads, Garni, and Forsythe, they can call the Metal Health lineup that formed in 1983 the “original” version of the band. Thus, the version touring today would have one original member: Frankie Banali himself. This serves to justify the existence of a hack Quiet Riot that in reality, has no original members nor any of its major songwriters.
But, they got the drummer thay played on Metal Health. The drummer. Why, Frankie? Is Carlos making substantially more money playing in Ratt?
Like I said earlier though, the version of Quiet Riot with Huff sounded good. The guy’s a great singer, truthfully. I’ve watched numerous youtube videos, and when he was in Quiet Riot, they kind of kicked ass! He was a screamer, this guy, and similar enough in grit and range to DuBrow. This Keith St. John clown, though? Shit singer, shit stage presence, shit hair, shit shirt. He’s on stage telling stories about the “Slick Black Cadillac”. Man, the two guys who wrote that song are dead. You don’t have any stories to tell about a “Slick Black Cadillac”.
Besides, by Regina’s logic, that song is a cover, isn’t it? It first appeared on Quiet Riot II, the second of the two Rhoads albums. By her line of thinking, Quiet Riot are merely covering that song.
I’ve yet to hear this new singer of theirs, but I no longer care. You’ve shit all over your fans enough, Frankie. You’ve shit all over Randy, Kevin, and the fans. I’ve had it. Break up the band, call it a day, and go back to W.A.S.P. or form a new band or something. Besides, it’s not like Quiet Riot is a band of the stature of, say, Thin Lizzy.
Thin Lizzy are at least touring with their original drummer.
Back in 1985 or so, MuchMusic was the window through which we discovered the vast majority of heavy metal. For a while there, my sister had good taste in music. Her favourite band was Motley Crue. She was obsessed with their tall, tall hair. I taped her the first two albums, Too Fast For Love and Shout At The Devil on two sides of a 90 minute tape.
Together, we watched a shitload of videos. Our favourites were often the ones where the band seemed to be on some sort of quest, or adventure! Some of these videos I haven’t seen in years, so forgive me if the memories are hazy…
Motley Crue – “Too Young To Fall In Love”. It seems like some little kid is telling Motley Crue something important, and then they kick some ass. My sister used to say to me, “I think that kid is telling Nikki Sixx to stand up.”
Lionheart – “Die For Love”. You gotta see this one. Dennis Stratton, ex Iron Maiden. This evil guy in a white suit and a wheelchair has a pretty blonde girl captive! The band must come to the rescue! I hope their hair doesn’t get mussed! Good song though. Great song, even. SERIOUSLY funny video though, like those poses…the singer jumps around…they kind of dance-fight with the bad guys….
Queensryche – “Queen of the Reich”. The Queen turned them to stone!
Thor – “Knock ‘Em Down”. Thor (Also known of Jon Mikel Thor) was this musclebound metal singer, and his video was hilarious. This evil space-witch named Pantera enslaves the population of the world below! Thor, riding in his space ship (which is obviously a Millenium Falcon model with some battleship parts glued to it, and crewed by nothing but big-breasted women), beams down! The evil space-witch shoots him with her red eye lasers, but Thor reflects it back with his mighty hammer! The space-witch is defeated!
Dio – “The Last In Line”. That video actually scared me a little, with the monsters leaking fluid and stuff. I’m glad the kid got out of hell, although it looks like Dio has to stay.
Dio – “Holy Diver”. Always the hero, Dio awkwardly weilds a sword that is obviously too big for his tiny frame. But he does slay an ugly dude who doesn’t put up much of a fight. Is that Jimmy Bain? George used to say Vinny Appice is the guy forging the sword. Is this true?
Grim Reaper – “Fear No Evil”. The band ride into action on an armored APC (Asskicking Personnel Carrier), with spikes and tusks! They must free the slaves of the evil minotaur. Steve Grimmitt breaks the chains of the slaves with his bare hands!
Armored Saint – “Can U Deliver”. At least the beginning part, they seem to be looking for a sword in a desert! A techno-coloured desert!
And of course, Kiss – “All Hell’s Breakin’ Loose”. Gene doesn’t seem too impressed with Paul’s swordplay. Vinnie looks less like a chick than in the previous video. The post-nuclear holocaust seems to have somehow increased the size of women’s breases, if this video is to be trusted.
I remember when the Dwarfs opened for Maiden on their Seventh Tour of a Seventh Tour. They began playing a new song on that tour called “Nothing Gets Nothing”. It was fast and almost thrash metal in its delivery. The Dwarfs were heavying up!
Two years later, when Dirty Weapons finally hit the stores, it wasn’t thrash metal, but it was an up-ratchet from the previous album (and major label debut) Big Deal. It was also an improvement in sound, production, and song quality in general. This album is the Dwarfs very best. It is near-flawless. It is a must have for any true fan of Canadian metal.
Highlights include:
The title track and first single, with irrestible chorus.
“Last Laugh”, a great hard rocker, memorable and tough.
The angry “Comin’ Through”. “Outta my way, I’m coming through, I know what I want and I know how to get it!”
The melodic and rootsy “Not Foolin'”. “Not foolin’ me, you’re nothing but a sleeze”.
The atmospheric and slow closer “Want It Bad”.
The power ballad “Doesn’t Matter” which should have been the biggest hit of their entire career. Alas, it was one year too early as the following summer was the summer of the power ballads. But the band believed in it so much, they re-released it on the next album. Which, by then, was far too late, as grunge had hit in a big way.
I’ve heard people say that Russ Dwarf’s vocals are similar to Geddy Lee’s. I’m not sure if I agree, I never saw it that way at the time. All I know is, this is a great album, my favourite, and one that kept me rockin’ in the early 1990’s.
I can’t believe we’re already at Part 30. And we’re just getting started, folks. Stories have been collected, going back a decade.
For Part 30, something of a milestone I guess, we’ll do something special.
SAUSAGEFEST
Much like a secret society, men today speak of Sausagefest in hushed tones.
Earlier, I mentioned Tom and Eric (“Uncle Meat”) and something called Sausagefest (in a previous chapter). What happens at Sausagefest, stays at Sausagefest. Mostly. But here’s what I can tell you.
The heart and core of Sausagefest is the annual Top 100 list. The format has varied slightly over the years, but it remains largely unchanged. They take votes from all attendees, months in advance, of their top 100 song picks that year. They tabulate them, and over two crazy nights in an undisclosed but vast outdoor location, they count them down one by one.
Beer is consumed. Sausage is eaten. There are no vegetarians at Sausagefest. I have packed Froot Roll Ups in the past but that’s it for me. The rest is all sausage, and succulent marinated lamb for me.
The top 100 list was started by Eric and his buddy Derek back in 1990. It was New Year’s Eve, and he collected a top 100 list and put together the tapes (!) himself. He often had to borrow a CD from somebody to do it, because there was no web. An evening would typically run from 5pm to 3am, solid with tunes and the odd skit in between.
This went on for three years. Much later, in 2002, the concept was reinvented as Sausagefest. The setting was now a pristine scenic valley with a river running through it. Awesome. A generator powers the wall of sound, and there are no neighbors to complain about the noise.
The top 100 is usually epic in scale and scope. You will hear everything from AC/DC to Zappa, as far out as Dixie Dregs, and as local as Helix. You will hear Lightfoot, Cash, Nelson, and Kristofferson. Maiden and Priest are regulars, and the thrash gets positively evil. Mercyful Fate anyone?
The story goes like this: Tom was frustrated one night and blurted out, “We need just an all-guys’ weekend. We can have it up at the farm. Summer weekend No chicks. And it will be called Sausagefest…’cause if you dont have your own personal sausage…you can’t come!”
The “moment of clarity”, as they say, was instant. They both knew they had to do this, and that the music would be the core of it. Only these two guys could have cooked up and executed an idea like this at that moment. The planets were aligned or something. I bet if you knew the exact date that they invented Sausagefest, you would be able to find that a supernova happened that day too.
Again they did it on cassette. Tom’s music collection was massive at that point, about 1500 discs and a growing collection of vinyl. Only these guys had the resources to do it. Finding these songs, on download, at the time? Very difficult.
For the record, the very first #1 at the very first year was “Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald”! Epic.
So Sausagefest was born, and the first one was a success. Unfortunately I did not attend the first four. In fact I didn’t attend a single one until I had quit the record store. 2006 was my first Sausagefest. For many of them, I simply could not get the weekend off. Everybody wants time off in the summer, and the actual date for Sausagefest wasn’t always known with enough notice.
The other factor in me not going was I was really stuck in a rut at the time with the store. I was paranoid to leave town. There were fuckups literally all the time that needed to be fixed, fires that needed to be put out, that I never felt comfortable leaving. The very last vacation I ever took at the store was 2002. No coincidence.
However once I was free of that fear, I drove up with no tent and just a cooler full of meat, water, and Roll Ups. Actually no, that’s not true! I was told there was no need to bring meat, because there was so much there, it wouldn’t be a problem. So just water and Roll Ups, that first year! I slept in my car.
At night, the music starts and the air guitars come out. But the days have their own traditions.
An Iron Maiden loving guy named Zach brings the lamb. He brings more every year and there is still not enough to satisfy my hunger. It is incredible. Zach is the lamb lord. Some people put it on bread but I just eat it right with the fingers. It’s an incredible meal, every year.
There is always beer and plenty of it. A beer wagon was actually rented for two of the years. Beer is consumed in massive quantities. There is always one guy passed out before the top 100 really even gets going. But that’s OK. Nobody’s driving anywhere. Sean often picks up coffee for the boys in the mornings but that’s about it. We’re in it for the long haul. And I mean long haul. Music is often still playing at 3am.
My problem is I can’t sleep in at all, so I’m up by 7. I’ll grab a book, a beer, and a chair and head down to the river. My first Sausagefest, I was reading Dune. It was incredible reading it in the river with nobody even awake yet.
The toilet is always a highlight. I’m convinced that the boys rented a Porta-Potty for me specifically my first year, to keep me coming back. Because there hasn’t been one since. Why? I don’t know. We could easily collect for it, just like we do beer. But they don’t do it! I’m convinced it’s because part of the Sausagefest experience is shitting in the woods.
I won’t lie, I love peeing outdoors. I’m not the only one either. In a survey done at work, 3 out of 4 men enjoy peeing outdoors. It’s just a natural expression of the animal side that is a part of nature, or something. That’s what I tell my wife anyway. What did our ancestors do? Pee outside. It’s social. I’ll be at Sausagefest peeing, and another guy will pee next to me, and be like, “Hey man, how’s it going? Good tunes eh?” Anyway, I’m getting off topic again.
There’s a chair with a hole in the seat that you’re supposed to shit in, and the tree next to it has toilet paper hanging from the branch. Personally I don’t want to see someone else’s shit. Just a thing I have, I guess. So I shit in the river. Yes, I shit in the river. The river is fast-flowing, like a toilet, but it’s cold. You turtle right up stepping in. But it’s also like a combo toilet/bidet. You’re clean when you’re all done. And I’ve seen dogs shit in it, so….
The worst thing about Sausagefest is, in fact, the shits. You’re eating nothing but greasy (but delicious!) meat (not Meat!). Every year, it is up early on Sunday morning (always by 6:00 am) on on the road, as fast as possible, to an actual bathroom!
Unfortunately, as stated, what happens at Sausagefest stays at Sausagefest, so I really can’t get too much into the stories. I will say this. It’s something that I look forward to every summer. All of those guys do. We talk about it when we arrive, how this event can be the best weekend of your entire year. It’s also strange how time stands still up at the farm. “Wow, just doing that drive up here, it’s so familiar like I was just here last week.” It happens every year. You get there and it feels like you never really left.
The music, combined with the fellowship, and of course the sweet joy of swimming in the river when it gets hot, makes this almost a spiritual place. A Mecca for those about to rock, so to speak. It is a secret society that I am proud to be a member of.
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