Trying out some new stuff today: expect two test live streams at 2:00 PM EST and 6:00 PM EST. As with past weeks, I will also be going live casually during the day.
The 2:00 PM test stream will feature a new guest.
The 6:00 PM test stream will feature yet another brand new guest, and another Nigel Tufnel Top Ten list. This week we’re shaking up the subject matter and we’ll be counting down the Top Superhero Movies of all time.
I’m also expecting a musical delivery sometime Saturday, so I hope to do a cool unboxing. This, you are going to love.
So, fingers crossed that all this stuff will work out! Catch the action Saturday June 20. Facebook: Michael Ladano
GETTING MORE TALE #838: Wild Nights, Hot & Crazy Days
I couldn’t believe it when that red Daytona pulled into the cottage driveway.
“Is that Bob?” asked my dad. It sure was!
Bob’s parents had a trailer not too far from our cottage, part way between Kincardine and Goderich. It wasn’t unusual for him to drop in, but this time was different. He was about to start a new job and wanted a little vacation before his first day. He chose to come and stay at the cottage with us!
You might think it strange that he just showed up unannounced, but that’s not unusual for cottagers. My dad’s friend Ron often showed up with his whole family, completely unexpected. Bob had an open invitation; he was always welcome.
We raised hell that week. Bob didn’t know, but my cousin Geoffrey and his family were also scheduled to visit. Geoffrey was…how do I put this? Hyperactive was the word they used, but at that age, he was…impossible! I am glad he had since turned into a fine normal young man, but back then you could only take so much Geoff at a time! Naturally, Bob and I ganged up against him, which was a nice change of pace! It was during that week that Geoff infamously pierced his ear, while we took the blame for it. I didn’t trick Geoff into anything, I just chickened out. But that was just one of the many things we did that week.
Bob was obsessed with one album in particular that summer: Extreme’s Pornograffitti. In that Daytona, we all cruised endlessly to the sounds of that album. My grandmother, in the cottage two doors down, was not impressed by our loud hootin’ and hollerin’. I was at that age when I thought being loud and obnoxious was funny.
Pornograffitti is a special album, but that summer it was extra-special. We played it on a loop, and I had just about every song memorized. I asked for and received it for my birthday later that month. While I liked all the rockers, “Hole Hearted” really hit me where it counts. Its melancholy exuberance reflected how I felt at that time. (I know that sounds like a contradiction!) I was both excited and scared to be starting a new journey in my life, at University. Fall was only a couple months away and I was nervous. Whatever the case, the acoustic strumming of “Hole Hearted” was exactly how I felt, before I jumped into the deep end of school.
It was a beautiful summer, bright and warm. Bob and I took the canoe out onto the lake. There was a rock far from the shore, that was just inches below the water. Finding it was the trick. We were determined! I knew roughly where the rock was located, but once you’re out on the featureless water, it was difficult to pinpoint. Yet we found it relatively easily, by carefully looking for little crests of water where it rolled inches over that rock.
We dropped anchor and stepped onto the rock. There was room for both of us. Singing heavy metal songs at the top of our lungs, we both “mooned” the shore. We were so far out that nobody would have been able to see. I guess I’ve always been an exhibitionist. But we did it — we mooned a crowded Lorne Beach.
As my dad likes to remind me, we could have been arrested!
Ah well. “We didn’t,” was my answer then and now!
We had huge beach fires at night, and found plenty of activity during the days. There was one afternoon that we took a trip up to Bruce Nuclear. We usually did that once a year, to go on the tour. There were actually two tours: one indoors through the visitor’s centre, and a bus tour through the grounds. Bob came with the family on the bus tour. And we were awful. I don’t mind saying so. That poor tour guide had to put up with our running commentary. The grounds included nature preserves, and she was telling us about the wild deer that you could sometimes see in the trees to our right.
“Yeah, that one has two heads!” chuckled Bob out loud. Chuckled, or heckled? That’s up to interpretation.
I like to say that we were like Tom Green, but without the video camera. If only we had one! We were definitely a public nuisance. And I’m definitely an old fart now, because I would find that behaviour annoying today.
But we didn’t hurt anybody. Nobody got arrested. We were loud and annoyed a few people, but at the time I thought that was very rock n’ roll. We were ahead of our time. My cousin started his summer by getting a hole in his ear and Bob and I had one last hoorah together. That all sounds real good to me.
ALICE COOPER – Alice Cooper’s Greatest Hits(1974 Warner)
Picture this: a kid, just turned 17. An older uncle named Don Don. Recording tapes off each other in the summertime. I didn’t know much of Alice Cooper. “Teenage Frankenstein”, “The Man Behind the Mask”, and “I Got A Line On You” were the songs I knew best. I heard a bit of a live version of “I’m Eighteen”, and a Krokus cover of “School’s Out”. That’s all I knew. But my uncle had Alice Cooper’s Greatest Hits in his tape collection, and I had a blank tape.
I recorded Greatest Hits on one side of a 90 minute cassette. (Eventually I taped Trash on the other side.) My impressions at that young age were mixed. The music sounded old fashioned. Not at all like his 80s stuff. While some songs (“Desperado”) flat out lost me, after a couple listens, other tunes started to jump out.
Some of the elements that appealed to me were the lyrics. “She asked me why the singer’s name was Alice, I said ‘listen baby, you really wouldn’t understand.'” (“Be My Lover”.) “The Reverend Smith he recognized me and punched me in the nose.” (“No More Mr. Nice Guy”.) Of course, “Elected” too — that goes without saying. Simple, comedic and effective lyrics.
The huge orchestration behind “Hello Hooray” hit me where it counts too. I grew up on soundtracks and orchestras, so anytime a band used a big bombastic arrangement like that in rock song, it immediately appealed to me. Even then I was aware of Bob Ezrin from his work with Kiss.
My favourite song on the whole thing was “Teenage Lament ’74”. What is it about that song? The old-fashioned jangly rock and roll? The unforgettable “What are you gonna do?” chorus? Although it’s fallen by the wayside since, “Teenage Lament” is still an Alice Cooper triumph of triumphs. On the cassette version, it had a place of honour — second song, side one, right after “I’m Eighteen”. I couldn’t figure out all the words but I got the jist. I still love what I perceive to be its old-fashioned sound. Alice Cooper didn’t need to be heavy to be awesome. I was learning this. None of Alice Cooper’s Greatest Hits would be considered “heavy” by the standards of the time when I first heard it (1989).
“Is It My Body”, “Under My Wheels”, and “Billion Dollar Babies” were the next songs to slowly reveal themselves to me. “Muscle of Love” and “Desperado” were the last ones to enter into this new Alice love affair. Before long, they were all memorized. Then it was time to start collecting the albums! Billion Dollar Babies seemed like a wise choice, since I liked so many of its songs on Greatest Hits. And that’s how a greatest hits album is supposed to work. It is meant to whet the appetite and make you want more.
Today Alice Cooper’s Greatest Hits has been supplanted by more recent, more complete greatest hits discs, remastered for the modern age. That’s fine and well, but Greatest Hits works better as a first Alice. The track order, the more concise running time (41 minutes), and of course the classic cover art made this something special. It’s historic as it was the very last product released by the original Alice Cooper group before Vincent Furnier went solo. Also worth noting: all tracks were remixed by Jack Richardson, but you probably won’t even notice. Completionists, pay attention.
Want an awesome first experience with Alice Cooper? Follow my lead and check out Greatest Hits.
Have you heard of Cameo? Services like Cameo have become popular during Covid, when we can’t just reach out and hug each other. I have used it twice this year (more on that below) when I couldn’t be with my family directly.
Cameo is a website where celebrities will record a brief personal message for a fee. My first reaction was, “As if celebrities need more money,” but some of the fees are quite reasonable. Gary Holt from Exodus is only asking $25 for a personal video greeting. That’s a steal, considering the video is yours forever. Mike Portnoy? Only $50. Bruce Kulick is $100. Work your way up to Caitlyn Jenner and you’ll be dropping $2500. The range for your budget is huge, and you can choose form thousands of people in sports, movies, music, wrestling, and TV (reality and otherwise).
Each celebrity has a time frame during which they will make your video. If you forgot your dad’s birthday today, it is too late to get Chevy Chase ($250) to record a video for him. But if it’s not until next week, Danny Trejo ($100) can have a video to you in five days.
I struggled with a way to treat my mom right on Mother’s Day. I happened to be scrolling Facebook when I noticed a friend had received a Cameo video as a birthday gift. It was Michael Rapaport ($175) and I thought it was a cool idea in a time when we couldn’t just give somebody a gift. I started searching and came upon Jann Arden. My mom loves Jann Arden. She’s seen her live at least twice (only once for me). Jann was asking only $65 with a three day turnaround. I was just in time so I booked her. Best of all, 100% of her proceeds went to various animal charities. No celebrity greed there!
In two days (one less than expected!) I received a personal video from Jann Arden to my mom. Jann sang “Good Mother” and I think my mom must have just about fallen out of her chair! It was everything I hoped for and more.
Two weeks later I had another quandary. My dad’s birthday. He hates it when I spend money on him, but I don’t pay any attention to that! I decided that I would do another Cameo. But who? My dad knows so very few celebrities. It’s not like John Wayne is around to make videos. Then I thought, “Star Trek”! Who’s available? A small number of people. Marina Sirtis (The Next Generation), Garrett Wang (Voyager), Mary Chieffo (Discovery) and Evan Evagora (Picard) were some of the notable names, but I needed someone really special to him personally. Then I found him: Number One! Jonathan Frakes! Riker himself. My dad is a huge fan of Captain William Riker. Within three days, and $200 later, my dad received a personal message from Number One.
Dad was over the moon. He still thinks I shouldn’t have spent the money, but who cares? I think it’s the best birthday gift I’ve ever given him. And I’ve given him a Lego Sopwith Camel. (Added bonus: Frakes was wearing a Picard Season 2 jacket, confirming his involvement in the second season.)
The only drawback to Cameo is that you only have 250 characters to communicate what you want from the celebrity. It’s enough to tell them who it’s for, who it’s from, and a little bit about the occasion. Not much else. Celebrities don’t need to read an essay, but what harm could another 100 characters do?
Whether Cameo still remains popular when the world returns to a semblance of normal, I cannot say. Most of these actors, sportsmen and musicians will be back at work. I’ll be able to go and gift my dad a real Father’s Day gift. And some of these people are asking way, way, way too much money for a short video. Is Tommy Lee worth $400 when you can get Mike Portnoy for $50? I’d go with Portnoy, on Cameo or in a drum battle.
Consider a Cameo for your next socially distant gift.
GETTING MORE TALE #837: Freestylin’ 7 – Into Best Buy
I hadn’t set foot inside a store since March 15. Three months later on Jun 13, I broke this long streak and went into Best Buy.
We’ve been trying to stick to essential trips, and Mrs. LeBrain was doing the groceries and other essential shopping while I worked. Ontario entered “Phase 2” of re-opening on June 12 so it felt like a good time to see how shopping had changed.
There was no lineup, but there were clear and nicely marked spaces for you to wait outside. At the front was a gentleman in a mask. Even with the mask I recognized him from a previous Best Buy excursion, back before the shit hit the fan. He asked what I was looking for that day, and I said “laptop speakers”. He instructed me to follow the arrows on the floor until I got to the computer monitors. You can still walk around and browse, but they are trying to keep things efficient.
Most customers wore masks but they were not mandatory. I have chosen to wear a mask in public. To coin a phrase from our Prime Minister, I don’t want to speak “moistly” on people. I tend to do that. Of course as soon as I walked in, a maskless guy was meandering against the arrows talking on his cell phone. Of course.
Best Buy have this re-opening well in hand. They were organized, friendly and asked us to use hand sanitizer on our way in. After a squirt and a quick walk around, I found the exact laptop speakers I was looking for. $27. Cheap and simple. Looked around a bit more, and headed for the cash registers. No line there either. Mission accomplished with no fuss and no muss.
New speakers in action. Uncle Meat made fun of my porch music choice.
The Covid world definitely looks different from the pre-Covid world but I think we can deal with this. It’s going to take patience and a willingness to play ball. There was a story on the weekend of a man entering a mall in Guelph where masks are mandatory. When he refused to wear one, he coughed on the mall employee and fled. This kind of behavior is disgusting. Retail workers have it bad enough. I’ve had people throw things at me but never had bodily fluids fired in my direction during a pandemic. If you think wearing a mask is infringing upon your freedom, then take a stand and don’t shop at those places. Vote with your wallet. Don’t cough or spit, and don’t give a retail workers a hard time. You’re the asshole if you do. In the meantime, I will wear my mask. I wear it to protect you from my flying spittle when I talk. I’m not afraid. I care. You’re welcome. I don’t care if you think I look stupid or not.
I look stupid on my best days anyway.
After Best Buy, we took a drive. Streets were busy like a normal Saturday in the summer. You couldn’t tell anything was amiss from the roads. Restaurants, not so much. Meals are permitted on patios. Places with open patios looked comfortably full to the new Covid standards. Establishments without had empty parking lots. Elsewhere, we saw a lineup at the Nike store that went around the building. Must have had a sale. I don’t need shoes that badly!
I did need shoes, actually, but then I ordered some online. It was actually better than shopping in store. No picking through boxes looking for my size in a style I liked. I simply clicked the shoes I wanted, clicked the colour, and picked my size. They fit perfectly when they arrived a few days later. Most comfortable shoes I’ve ever owned, actually. I could get used to this. In fact, why should I buy shoes in a store again when there is a better selection online? I hate shopping for shoes!
Yes, the world has changed. It will continue to change, and our old world is gone. Look at music. Doro Pesch played a concert to a drive-in audience, and it looked cool. Artists are constantly live streaming chats and performances now. We adapt. Some restaurants, businesses and rock bands will not survive. The economy is still being ravaged. Most bands will not return to the concert stage until 2021.
In the meantime, people are hungry for entertainment. Bands and record labels would be wise to release stuff from the vaults during this time. Unreleased live recordings? Put ‘em out. B-sides and outtakes? Release them. There has never been a better time for a band to put out of a box set of rarities. Record stores are opening and need the business.
Unless our collective mistakes cause another surge and another lockdown, I am optimistic. We have made it through three months of this. While in some respects we are looking at a lost summer ahead of us, I think we still have a lot to look forward to.
Trapper are a Canadian supergroup who gained a bit of extra attention when they got to open for Def Leppard. Sean Kelly (guitar), Emm Gryner (vocals/bass), Frank Gryner (bass/guitar) and Tim Timleck (drums) impressed everyone with their version of “Illégal” by Corbeau on the concert stage. Their only EP sold out long ago, but now Trapper are back with a studio version of “Illégal”. The two-track iTunes single is backed by a surprising cover: “Bye bye mon cowboy” by Mitsou. Two Canadian covers, both in French…ballsy move for a single!
“Illégal” has a beautifully chunky riff, and Kelly captures that with a nice crunchy guitar tone. Emm Gryner’s lead vocal is to die for, squealing in all the right parts, shouting it out loud, and delivering the goods. She has depth, grit, power — the whole package. The drums are huge. When you hear it you’ll be wondering where this song has been your whole life. And that’s all before you hit the guitar solo, a treat in itself, like something from a classic Bon Jovi track that you never heard before.
Now I’ll be honest about something here. As a snobbish rock fan in the 1980s, I hated “Bye bye mon cowboy”. It was on MuchMusic all the time and I grew weary of Mitsou. But I like Trapper’s version! I am pretty sure Mitsou didn’t have this much guitar. Transformed into a rock song, “Bye bye mon cowboy” works! The groove is perfect and Emm’s delivery is just right. Big rock hooks, while still retaining everything important about the original.
As for that guitar crunch? Sean Kelly says “Can’t beat a Les Paul and a Marshall! (Actually the Headrush Plexi amp simulator.)” There you have it, players!
I wholeheartedly endorse Trapper’s “Illégal” and “Bye bye mon cowboy” for your patio this summer. I knew this was going to be good, but I didn’t expect to like “Bye bye mon cowboy” as much as I do. They rocked it up, put it in my ballpark, and I’m pumping my fists to Mitsou! Grab ’em on iTunes today, and cross your fingers and hope Trapper have more music coming in the future.
As you know, I’ve been live streaming on weekends during lockdown. Well that’s not all!
Maybe you’ve caught a live instalment of Ladano’s Wild Kingdom too? I get these massive earthworms on the front lawn, and since we’re locked down with nothing else to do, people have been watching live streams of worms! For your Sunday Chuckle, here’s an episode of Ladano’s Wild Kingdom.
It’s an historic episode too. It’s the first one where James Kalyn offered me $7 to eat a worm and a stick!
You can thank Harrison the Mad Metal Man for the idea. A “Nigel Tufnel Top Ten” list for the best live albums of all time. With little notice, I whipped up some lists. We also recruited John Snow (2 Loud 2 Old Music), Holen MaGroin, and Uncle Meat to contribute lists. While the lists varied in some respects, many albums made repeat appearances, sometimes in the same position on two lists!
We ran into some audio issues at the start but those five minutes have been edited out of the stream for your convenience!
The stream returns to Friday night! I like to shake it up and give everybody a chance to catch the show.
This week, I’ll be looking at some new arrivals at LeBrain HQ, talking shop, and most importantly — lists!
By request of Harrison the Mad Metal Man, this week we will be doing a “Nigel Tufnel Top Ten” list for Greatest Live Albums of All Time. There will be at least three lists and, technical issues notwithstanding, at least one guest!
Join us Friday night, sometime after 6:00 PM, for the live stream action! Facebook: Michael Ladano
It appears that I started this lockdown live streaming stuff on March 20th — a Friday. I went live again on Saturday the 21st, and then for almost three straight hours on Friday March 27. I started running out of gas on April 3, but kept plugging away anyway. I started uploading my live streams to YouTube for those who missed them with the April 10 show. The videos below are all the live streams that were previously unposted.
MARCH 20 – LOVE AT FIRST STREAM. I was just messing around and people started watching. We were fresh into lockdown (March 18) and looking for ways to connect with each other.
MARCH 21 – THE SECOND STREAM! Live streaming was an addiction.
MARCH 27 – THE EPIC 2 HOUR 43 MINUTE STREAM OF MADNESS. This was like a long-distance race. Tremendously fun. Music, Star Wars, Uncle Meat, and Harrison galore.
APRIL 3 – RUNNING OUT OF STREAM. “The Author Reads” was not a big hit. Lots of poo and fart content.
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