NOIRISON: Chapter One
A Tee Bone Man Multiverse Story
By Holen
I woke up to a piercing brightness. Artificial brightness. I sat up slowly, but felt cold steel tug me back down at the wrist. I rubbed my eyes with my free hand, and everything started to focus. I was in a hospital room, handcuffed to the bed. My old boss, Captain Mike Ladano, was sitting by the bed casually sipping a cup of what smelled like third rate coffee.
“Harrison. About damn time,” Ladano exclaimed, “happy to see me?” He rose from his chair and stood over me.
“Yeah. Seeing you in the morning gives me warm and fuzzy feelings. Like the good old days.”
“Morning?” he said incredulously. “You’ve been out for about fourteen hours, sport. It’s eight at night.”
A cursory glance at the clock, and the darkness out the window told me he wasn’t yanking my chain. I tugged at the handcuffs.
“Some new law about getting assaulted that I don’t know about?” I quipped.
“You’re a private dick now, Healey. Shouldn’t you know if there was some law like that on the books?”
“Cut the shit, Ladano. It’s been a long day or two.”
Mike displayed a twisted grin. He always got a kick out of me breaking his balls, because he knew that he was the one that ultimately held all the power in our relationship. He took a perverse pleasure in it.
“There’s no law about getting assaulted, but there’s an old one about being an accomplice to kidnapping. It’s typically frowned upon by polite society,” he revealed.
“Kidnapping? What are you going on about?”
He picked up a manilla envelope from the chair, pulled out a photo, and tossed it on my stomach. It was the picture of Savannah that Snow had given me back at his office.
“Savannah Severny. 18 years old. Of course you already knew that, didn’t you?”
“Get to the point,” I urged.
“A witness saw her being dragged into a van by some brute around 4 am this morning. No one’s seen her or heard anything since. We showed up and found you lying in the parking lot with a busted head, and a picture that fits the witness’ description of the victim in your jacket.”
“You searched me while I was out?” I asked indignantly.
“Just doin’ my job, Healey. It was suspicious looking, you have to admit. I did a thorough search of your body. Mine’s bigger by the way.”
“What?” I was taken aback.
He pulled out my .45 and threw it on the bed.
“My gun. It’s bigger. More firepower,” he taunted. He reached into his pocket and came up with a key. He freed me of the handcuffs, and I rubbed my sore wrist instinctively.
Cutting to the chase, he blurted, “Look, I didn’t come here to compare pricks. We both know who would come out on top anyway. I know you didn’t have nothin’ to do with that kidnapping, but I needed to keep you here so I could ask you something. What the fuck is going on?”
“If I find out, you’ll be the first to know.”
Mike grew impatient, “Don’t give me that bullshit, Harrison. You did the best investigative police work on the force. I don’t buy for a second you don’t know shit about this girl, you Aussie bastard!”
“Look, I just got hired to find her last night,” I stated.
“You get hired to find her and then she really disappears? Ironic. Who’s the client?” he asked.
“I’m not at liberty to discuss that. You know I’m bound by confidentiality,” I reminded him. Clearly not what he wanted to hear, he hastily charged over to the bed and grabbed me by the shirt.
“Fuck confidentiality you dingo dicked dickhead! There’s an 18 year old out there missing! Her family hasn’t heard from her in months, and the first news they get is that she’s missing! What do you know you koala humping fuck bag? Who the fuck wanted you to find her, and why?”
“For Christ’s sake, Mike. She’s just two-bit a whore!” I yelled.
Bang. A swift smack upside the head. I saw stars. That’d be the third time I had my bell rung in under twenty four hours. My skull had to resemble the Liberty Bell at this point. I looked up at Mike, and saw the fire in his eyes dissipate. He looked down at his hand, appearing ashamed. He gently let go of me.
“I’m sorry,” he mumbled. He turned away.
“Me too,” I assured him. I had spoken out of turn. I’d forgotten about his first case as head detective years ago. It concerned a blonde that looked a lot like Savannah. She ran out on her folks at 17, got mixed up with the wrong people, and OD’d on horse at age 19. He called in to respond to her overdose. The years hadn’t jaded him enough to be completely numb to such a thing yet. He roughed up the paramedics at the scene, kept injecting adrenaline into her, but it was too late. He almost lost his badge that day for behavior unbecoming of an officer, but the Chief cut him some slack considering the circumstances. Ladano had never been the same since. These days he looked like something that had been rode hard and put away wet. This Savannah case had to hit close to home for him. He slowly turned back to me.
“You really don’t know anything?” he sighed.
“She was in the middle of shooting a movie,” I offered. “That’s all I can really say at this point.”
“Skin flick?” he asked.
“No, I don’t think so. It was for a big production company. Now that’s really all I can say. I shouldn’t even be telling you that, and you didn’t hear it from me.”
“Gotcha. Thanks for your cooperation.”
“Next time don’t cuff me to the bed like street scum if you wanna talk,” I said sarcastically, “just stop by the office. Why do people seem to be so averse to that?”
Ladano half-heartedly chuckled. He walked over to the door, but turned back around for one more wisecrack.
“What the hell happened to you, Healey? If you’d have kept your nose clean, you’d be in my position now. Now look at you.”
“I think I’m doin’ alright, all things considered,” I retorted, “I never was good at respecting the pecking order. Being my own boss was the only way to go.”
“Is that so?” he replied.
“Gives me the freedom to do what I need to for justice without the accountability,” I admitted.
“I’m gonna pretend I didn’t hear that,” he grinned. “Take care, Harrison.” He walked out as I saw his silhouette disappear down the hall. Just as soon as he left, a voluptuous nurse strutted in the door carrying a tray of pills. She was a stunningly beautiful Hispanic woman, effortlessly iridescent.
“Ah, Mr. Healey. How long have you been awake?”
“Long enough to hope those pills could put a horse out. I’ve got a high tolerance,” I confessed.
“Do you have a history of drug or alcohol abuse?” she asked with concern.
“Not if it keeps you from giving me those pain pills,” I joked. I winced in pain as a sharp sensation shot through my brain. “Come on, lady. My head feels like someone’s driving a spike through it.”
She gave me a glance like a stern librarian, the naughty kind. I flashed her a facetious pleading look of helplessness. With my face, it was irresistible. She grinned, rolled her eyes, and handed me the pills.
“Thank you,” I gratefully said. I popped the two pills into my mouth, downed the small cup of water, and stood up from the bed. “You got anything that will keep me awake on these things? I need to be sharp.” She sensually placed her hands on my chest, motioning for me to lie back down.
“I’m not a dealer, Mr. Healey. Now please, lie down.”
“I have a job to do. A young girl’s life may be in jeopardy,” I said stoically. “Guess I’ll have to get some uppers on the street.”
“That’s not funny,” she said, retracting her hands.
“You’re right. I guess I’ve used up all my good will here. I’ll be checking out now.”
“That’s inadvisable in your condition, Mr. Healey,” she warned.
“I’ve been worse. Trust me,” I assured her.
I began to leave the room, each step making all my muscles ache in tandem. I hoped those pills would kick in soon. Just as I was about to reach the hall, I turned around to look at the nurse one last time.
“I’ll look you up sometime,” I wryly promised. Her disappointed expression turned to one of erotic amusement.
“What makes you think I want you to?” she teased.
“What makes you think I care if you do?” I jested. The air seemed to moisten almost instantly. The woman had become a human humidifier.
She ripped off a piece of paper from my chart, produced a pen, scribbled on it, and then seductively strolled over to me, placing her body centimeters from mine, her feminine pheromones massaging my nostrils. She slowly placed the piece of paper in the front pocket of my pants, brushing her hand slowly against my inner leg as she pulled out.
“My name’s Milena. Call me sometime, Mr. Healey,” she whispered.
“Call me Harrison, and I’ll give you a ring when I’m free,” I cooly replied.
I winked and left the room. I heard her try to hide a groan when I had made some distance down the hall. I’d have to remember to call her when I was finished with the case. The way business had been before it, I figured I’d have plenty of time to do so. Of course, the way business had been during this case, it was more likely I’d be her patient again before I had the chance. That wasn’t important though. Savannah was out there somewhere, afraid, having who knows what done to her.
The lady at the desk stopped me and gave me a message. Someone had called for me here. There was no name, just a number. I had a pretty good idea who it was, but how did he know where I was?
I headed downstairs to a payphone and dialed the number. It rang once, and before I had a chance to say anything, Snow was already asking questions.
“Mr. Healey. Have you made any progress?”
“I got another concussion,” I joked.
“Most unfortunate, but I mean in Savannah’s case,” he said, unamused.
“She’s been kidnapped,” I informed him.
“What? That’s horrible! When?” he panicked.
“Last night. She was working at some strip joint, and a big guy threw her in a van when she got off. Nobody’s heard anything since,” I relayed.
“Is there a ransom demand? If there’s a ransom demand, tell them I’ll pay it. Whatever it takes to get her back, I’ll do it!” he exclaimed.
“Take a breath, Snow. I said nobody’s heard anything. And you don’t kidnap a stripper for ransom money. Unless somehow they knew she was connected with you,” I realized as I spoke. “What’s the nature of your relationship with Savannah? Clearly she’s not just another actress to you. What’s going on?”
“I don’t think that’s relevant to your case, Mr. Healey,” Snow curtly rebutted.
“That’s for me to decide, Snow. I’m the P.I., remember?” I reminded him.
“Call me when you have something, Healey,” he spat, hanging up. Rich bastard. This case was starting to stink worse than closing time at a 12 hour fish market. I needed to find Savannah, fast. Problem being, I was fresh out of leads. I decided to head back to the strip joint for a chat with the owner and a few of her pole dancing companions. This time, I was going to be extra vigilant. I wasn’t sure how much more pressure my noggin could sustain in such a short period of time. Luckily, my .45 usually kept even the most violence prone individuals civil enough for a brief discussion. I signed out of the hospital, walked out the doors, felt the cool January air on my skin, and began my walk to the strip joint. My muscles didn’t ache with my steps anymore. Pills must be kickin’ in. Hallelujah.
TO BE CONTINUED…
THE ADVENTURES OF TEE BONE MAN: PHASE ONE – THE SQUIRREL SAGA 
THE ADVENTURES OF TEE BONE MAN: PHASE TWO – THE MULTIVERSE SAGA
THE COMPLETE ADVENTURES OF EDIE VAN HEELIN’
THE WRITER’S ROOM
mikeladano.com 