cock bomb

#1020: Wieners & Balls

I was talking to a friend of mine on Friday about wieners and balls.  She receives a lot of unsolicited pictures of wieners on social media and I thought to myself, “Who does that?”  A lot of people, it seems.  I vowed to never be one of those people.

Saturday morning at the cottage was beautiful.  Still dark at 5 am, but unseasonably warm.  The trees make really creepy creeking sounds in the morning silence.  It was awesome!  I decided to make a video for my friend.  Walking around outside in my Crocs and undies at 5 in the morning in November seemed like a good subject for a video.  I made a video, walked down to the beach in my Crocs, stepped into the water (never done that before in November!) and headed back up to the cottage.

Just as I was about to hit “send” I thought to myself, “You know, I better make sure nothing popped out of my undies in this video…”

Needless to say, I never hit send!  Yes, something popped out of my shorts and there was no need for anyone to see that!  Saved myself from sending unsolicited dick pics though!

 

Sunday Chuckle: Cockcakes

What the hell, Facebook!?  See the picture below?  This is a dessert shop in Guelph that Facebook recommended to me.

I have to give them for authentic looking cock cakes.  I like the added touch of the frosting on the one, and I like the inclusiveness of the different colours.

But why, Facebook why?

Sunday Chuckle: A Shaft & Two Balls

This one comes from sometimes-contributor Thussy!


Do companies not pay people to look at what products look like before they release them?  I can just hear them all in the boardroom.  “See, you hold it by the shaft and rub the balls on your face.”

 

 

Blu-ray REVIEW: Trailer Park Boys – Don’t Legalize It (2014)

NEW RELEASE

Thanks to Chris Thuss for loaning this disc to me.

TPB3_0001TRAILER PARK BOYS – Don’t Legalize It (2014 Entertainment One)

Directed by Mike Clattenburg

Two years prior to the start of the new Trailer Park Boys opus, Ricky and Julian were released from jail for the 17th time.  Jim Lahey has suffered from a Ricky-induced stroke.  He now limps with a cane, hooked on coke (“white liquor”), still beside an increasingly disgusted Randy.  Lucy is living with mall cop George Green (aka “Fucky McFucksnapper”).  Ricky and Julian have ceased working with each other.  Ricky’s growing dope on an unprecedented scale, in a house in the subdivisions, but the Shitmobile only drives in reverse.  Bubbles is delivering chicken and beer on bicycle, living under J-Roc’s front step.  Terry & Dennis (the Flappy Bird Brothers) and Sam Losco are working for Cyrus.  And Lahey’s buying coke from Sam.  It’s a viscous circle.  Julian was bouncing at a local club, but now has taken a step up (?) in the world by selling piss.

Let me repeat that: Julian is selling piss.

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Clean piss, stolen from the military, at $60 a vial.  Paying $60 to pass a drug test and keep your job is apparently worth it in Julian’s world.  “Liquid gold,” he calls it.  The quality and freshness of the piss is important to his customers.  Ricky’s business of choice, however, is about to be shut down.  Canada is legalizing marijuana, turning Ricky from king of the hill to unemployed overnight…unless he can stop legalization.

Allow me to repeat that too:  Ricky needs to stop the legalization of marijuana.

Bubbles then receives a mysterious letter from a lawyer: his long-lost parents have passed away, but have left Bubbles a piece of land in Kingston, Ontario.  All he has to do is claim it.  Since Ricky needs to get to Ottawa to stop legalization, and Julian needs to get to Montreal to sell his stolen piss, it only makes sense to combine road trips.  Or a “working vacation,” says Julian.  He’s turned the Dirty Burger into a “Piss Wagon” to transport the liquid gold.  And Lahey’s following them.

Will things go off the rails when Randy dumps all Lahey’s “white liquor” out of the window of their station wagon?  Can Julian trust Cyrus?  Will Bubbles stay in Kingston?  And can Ricky stop his precious illegal crop from being legalized and taxed by government dicks?  All will be decided by the time they get to Ottawa…

Trailer Park Boys shows are known for the mangled English known as Rickysisms.  Some of my favourite lines and Rickyisms in this installment included:

“Instant carla, fucky!” – Ricky.

“Just shutty that fucky!  What’s with your hair man, you think you’re a fucking Beavil or something?” – to Randy regarding his “Beatles ‘do”.

(Laughs) “Meth!?  He’s selling piss, you fucking dum-dum.” – Ricky to Lahey, who thought the test tubes and hazmat gear meant Julian was cooking crystal meth.

“Cocksuckers chicken-jacked me!” – Bubbles after being mugged for chicken.

“Julian, can you stop handling the weiners for a second?” – Bubbles

The movie is dedicated to Richard Collins, aka Philadelphia Collins, who passed during the filming of the movie.  Phil Collins has some excellent scenes in this installment despite being confined to a wheelchair.  It is also dedicated to Brian Huggins (Shitty Bill) and Rita MacNeil.

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Special features: a 1976 vintage VW camper is discussed in the “Cars Of” feature.  Apparently that camper was a bitch!  The Laheymobile is an ’89 Crown Victoria station wagon that Randy is not allowed to fart in.  Ricky’s Shitmobile is a ’75 Chrysler New Yorker, which had to be drastically revamped structurally just to make it safe to film with.  Then there’s the Dirty Burger, which is actually an old camper that Robb Wells and John Paul Trembley bought years ago.  “Dogs, Busses & Barf Tubes” reveals the origins of Bubbles’ bus.  My favourite featurette is “The Cock Bomb Problem”.  What’s the “Cock Bomb” you ask?  The crew and cast ceaselessly pranked each other by drawing cocks on all of their stuff.

I felt that Trailer Park Boys went a little too dark on the last couple outings.  The final TV episode before the recent revamp of the show was the dour “Say Goodnight to the Bay Guys”, which was followed by the similar downer movie Countdown to Liquor Day.  Don’t Legalize It has its own moments of sadness and quite a few tears, but measured against its predecessor, it’s a much funnier and re-watchable film.  I think this captures the heart of the series better than the last film, even though many characters are absent or have smaller roles.  The core is the triumvirate of Ricky, Julian and Bubbles, along with the evil duo of Randy and Lahey.  As long as you have those ingredients, you have potential for a lot of fuckery.  Don’t Legalize It delivers.

4/5 stars

Further reading:
TRAILER PARK BOYS – The Movie (2006 Alliance Atlantis)
TRAILER PARK BOYS – Big Plans, Little Brains: The Complete 1st and 2nd Seasons
TRAILER PARK BOYS – The Complete Third Season
TRAILER PARK BOYS – The Complete Fourth Season
TRAILER PARK BOYS Xmas Special (Conky Puppet, Dope and Liquor Editions)
TRAILER PARK BOYS – The Complete Fifth Season
TRAILER PARK BOYS – The Complete Sixth Season
TRAILER PARK BOYS – The Complete Seventh Season
TRAILER PARK BOYS – Say Goodnight to the Bad Guys