remixes

REVIEW: Bruce Dickinson – More Balls to Picasso (2025)

For a review of the original Balls to Picasso album, click here.

BRUCE DICKINSON – More Balls to Picasso (2025 BMG)

A time of turmoil!  As Bruce explains in the excellent liner notes within, there was a lot going on in the early 1990s.  Aside from leaving Iron Maiden in order to spread his wings as an artist, Bruce ended up scrapping the new solo album a couple times.  The first was an attempt with the UK band Skin.  Bruce was dissatisfied.  He tried again in America with Keith Olsen, a more pop version that Bruce said was influenced by Peter Gabriel.  Olsen had some issues, and that record too was scrapped when Bruce met a band called Tribe of Gypsies.  Immediately finding chemistry with guitarist Roy Z, Bruce started over again with producer Shay Baby, retaining only the song “Tears of the Dragon” from the earlier attempts.  Most of the Olsen album was ultimately released on B-sides, and on the 2 CD deluxe edition of Balls to Picasso.  The released 1994 album was heavy, and very 90s.  Little did we know, however, that Bruce wasn’t fully satisfied with the final album either.  By the time Bruce reunited with Roy and the Tribe of Gypsies in the late 1990s on Accident of Birth and Chemical Wedding, Bruce was questioning if Balls to Picasso should have been heavier.  More guitars.

Now, you can decide for yourself.  More Balls to Picasso is a remixed version of the album, with guitars added after the fact, and other enhancements made using the original tapes.  Given that the original is considered an important album in Bruce’s solo j0urney, it’s a risky record to revisit in this way.  Yet, Bruce did have a point.  As good as it was, it stands out in the discography as different; a lone rock.

The running order is unchanged.  “Cyclops”, a song more relevant today lyrically, is about living in the camera’s eye.  The sonic changes are immediate.  You can hear the sparse instrumentation of the original mix, but with thicker guitars and an added keyboard part that just shrieks.  It’s a very cool enhancement and the first clue that messing with this album was not a bad idea.  All the original elements are there, from Roy’s sparse guitar to the exotic percussion that often set the stage on this album.  Now there is just more to listen to.  You realize, there was always room for more.

“Hell No” opens as the original did, with more percussion and more guitar chords.  The bass has more thump, and the keyboard licks are a nice touch.  “Gods of War” has an added “war drum” part, along with some keys that sound like howling winds.  This song is one of the more transformed of the lot, though still not drastically so.  “1000 Points of Light” has one of the best enhancements.  In the chorus, you get a sudden guitar and keyboard duo lick that was never there before, and never would have existed in 1994.  It’s much more in line with the kind of metal melodies that Bruce did later in his solo career.  This hook improves the song 1000 percent, but never would have made the 1994 record.

Side two would have come at this point on the original album, which opens with “Laughing in the Hiding Bush”, never a standout song, but similarly remixed with additional atmosphere.  Now, “Change of Heart” is one that shouldn’t be messed with.  You don’t enhance perfection.  The keyboard/string arrangement is a nice touch, but the original is just too ingrained.  Its sparse arrangement was part of what gave it such lonely impact.  Now it sounds less special.  Less unique.  Less like a dark room with a sole occupant.  On the other hand, “Shoot All the Clowns” (which was a single) is much improved.  The song always felt a little cringey, with Bruce doing that rap part.  Now, with a horn section added, it makes much more sense.  A solid improvement.  “Fire”, meanwhile has more going on with the guitar and bass, and feels more engaging.  There are also what sounds like keyboards playing horn-like parts.  Moving on to the blazing “Sacred Cowboys”, this one would be difficult to improve upon.  Bruce’s double-tracked vocal on the original was so hypnotic.  This remixed version sounds strangely nasal.  Finally, “Tears of the Dragon” is another sacred song that you don’t want to mess around with.  The added string-like keys don’t really add.  Once again, the original was already perfect and this new one is like Bruce’s version of Drastic Symphonies.  Some may love it, but the original will remain the go-to for most.

Two added “live in the studio” bonus tracks are included.  Previously unreleased, these are heavy versions that should have been issued last time they released this album!  Bruce absolutely wails on “Gods of War”.  “Shoot All the Clowns” meanwhile gives you something to compare the horn version with, but Bruce’s vocals are very different on the verses.  They’re actually cooler here.

What this sounds like is Bigger Balls to Picasso.  It’s the same album.  With a couple exceptions, what we loved about the original record is still here.   In the liner notes, Bruce talks about being most comfortable in a “band” situation, rather than just with a bunch of hired musicians.  This sounds like the same band, but bigger.  It’s basically the Balls to Picasso band, as if they added a backing guitarist and a keyboardist and went out to play the songs live in the new configuration.  Some songs lose in the exchange, but more end up sounding better.  That’s it in a nutshell.

4/5 stars

 

REVIEW: Queen – “We Will Rock You” and “We Are the Champions” Ruined By Rick Rubin EP (1991)

QUEEN – “We Will Rock You” and “We Are the Champions” Ruined By Rick Rubin EP (1991 Hollywood Basic)

Mercifully, it’s short.  But did they know they were making a piece of shit?  “Ruined by Rick Rubin”.  “Mix Engineer Under Protest: Brendan O’Brien”.  “Engineering and Additional Bad Ideas:  Jason Corsano”.  Those are the actual credits.  They had to know these remixes were awful.  Connecting the dots, this remix EP must have been the brainchild of Hollywood records.

Rubin claims that “We Will Rock You” was a perfect record already, so he thought “I can’t improve upon it, I may as well throw the whole kitchen sink at it,” more or less.  This was a single that went along with the 1991 reissue of News of the World, which included the first remix here as a bonus track.  Not much of a bonus, really!

“We Will Rock You” begins with the sound of a scratchy record, then the handclaps, before everything goes bonkers.  A droning sound is accompanied by drum loops.  This goes on for a while, with the original track playing underneath, guitar solo and all.  Then it explodes with additional drums by the Chili Peppers’ Chad Smith (credited here for “bombastic skin attack”.  Flea is on additional bass (credited as “supercharged bass from hell”).  Records scratch, people shout “yeah” (or “blah” or something), until it is mercifully all over after an agonizing five minutes.  One of the worst remixes in music history.

It gets worse.  An instrumental remix follows.  This is just the loops and scratches, and whatever samples thrown in.  There are things that sound like horns, and more of that droning sound.

The next track ruined by remixes is “We Are the Champions”.  This version is blasphemous.  A rapper chants, “Aint it funky!” between Freddie’s lines.  The pointless loops and additional bullshit are present and accounted for.  The choruses are relatively intact, but forget about the verses.  Did “We Are the Champions” need drum loops and reggae dubbed in?  Unlistenable.

Back to “We Will Rock You” with the “Big Beat A Capella”.  This means the vocal track from the song, without the handclaps, but stupid drums (and even steel drums) looped over.  Steel drums on “We Will Rock You”.

Finally, there is the “Zulu Scratch A Capella” remix of “We Will Rock You” and I don’t even wanna bother.  It’s mostly just the vocal track with minor manipulations and a few scratches.  The only good thing about it is its brevity.

This remix EP is for collectors only.  If you’re a Queen completist, or a Red Hot Chili Peppers diehard who has to have every note that Flea farted out, go for it.  Everyone involved should be embarrassed about this flaming turd, and judging by the credits, I think they are.

0/5 stars

REVIEW: Extreme – Extragraffitti (1990 Japanese EP)

EXTREME – Extragraffitti (1990 A&M Japan EP)

This little EP, exclusive to Japan, is almost like a miniature “greatest hits” for Extreme.  Of the six songs, five were singles.  You might say “It’s not a greatest hits if it doesn’t have ‘More Than Words’ on it, and that would be a valid point, but that breakthrough ballad hadn’t been released as a single yet in November 1990.

Opening with the current single “Get the Funk Out”, we are off to a good start.  This track works most excellently as an opener.  That bass rolls in, before the guitar riff starts to rip.  Once the horns kick in, your face is thoroughly melted.  This EP focuses on fun.  There’s nothing here that’s a drag.

An edit version of “Decadence Dance” is unblunted.  It’s mostly just the intro stuff that’s missing anyway, and that belonged on the concept album from which it came.  The bonus here is you get Paul Geary’s cymbal count-in instead, which you can’t hear on the Pornograffitti album.  So dance to the beat of the decadent drummer, and get rocked.  This is one of Extreme’s best bangers, a full-on Van Halen romp with hooks and flash…as you like it.

Back to the self-titled 1988 debut album for the next three tracks.  A remix of “Mutha (Don’t Wanna Go to School Today)” may have more bass, edge and clarity.  It’s not a radical remix.  Nuno’s guitar fills jump out nicely.  The first Extreme album was a mixed bag of material, with none of it reaching the upper echelons like the second record.  That said, “Mutha” was probably the best track of the bunch, and the most like what came later.

“Little Girls” only loses about 20 seconds, so you’re fine with this version.  Again, it’s the opening missing.  This song is notable for some remarkable harmonica playing by Rapheal May.  Really impressive stuff here, just as superb as Nuno’s guitar work.  The lyrics, however, can’t be saved.  They were never good, even by 1988 standards.  “Incestual blood is thicker than water,” has to be the worst words that Gary Cherone has ever penned to paper.  Roll up your windows if you intend to sing along to this song.  Shame the band is so hot.

The album version of “Kid Ego” is here unaltered, it’s just not that interesting of a song.  The groove plods along in a lazy, 1980s way that every single band was doing.  It sounds like every band had their metronome set to the same time.

The B-side “Nice Place to Visit” has been released in a number of places, such as the “More Than Words” single in 1991, but first it was the B-side to “Little Girls”.  As an outtake from the so-so first album, this song is also so-so.

The final track, and the only one exclusive to this CD, is a message from Extreme!  These messages from band members were fairly common on Japanese EPs and singles by Western bands.  It is geared specifically for the Japanese fans, and it’s adorable hearing their deep Boston accents.  This message is fairly light.  Nuno talks about their goals as a band, and Gary assures the fans that they will see them real soon.  Apparently, the Japanese fans also sent the neatest, tidiest mail.

Good EP for its time.  There’s even a sticker inside.

3.5/5 stars

 

REVIEW: Whitesnake – Here I Go Again: The Whitesnake Collection (2002)

WHITESNAKE – Here I Go Again: The Whitesnake Collection (2002 Universal)

Back in the days before David Coverdale began lovingly curating his 80s catalogue with expansive box sets and assorted compilations, the record labels were doing it for him.  And, all things considered, they were milking it pretty hard with very little in terms of added value to the fans who already had a decent collection.  2002’s Here I Go Again: The Whitesnake Collection might have been the first one really worth buying.

At its moment of conception, it was probable and perhaps likely that a large number of Whitesnake fans didn’t already own all three of the Geffen albums on CD.  Perhaps they just owned Greatest Hits, or 1987.  Rather than force fans to buy (or re-buy) a three disc set for all that material, Universal gathered 24-bit remasters of the three albums with some associated bonus tracks and released it all as more affordable two disc set.  It offered good value for fans looking to get those albums digitally, or those just trying to acquire the bonus tracks.

Starting off with the rare “Radio Remix” of “Here I Go Again”, a familiar song leads the charge.  This unusual version has Dan Huff on guitar, Denny Carmassi on drums, and Bill Cuomo on keyboards.  It’s shorter without that long “keyboard heaven” opening.  As a radio remix, it has choppier guitars, more keyboards, and prominent female backing vocals.  Huff’s solo is refreshing after being used to Adrian Vandenberg’s for so long.

From there, the compilation delves into the albums, in their US mixes and running orders.  Therefore, Slide It In kicks off with “Slide It In” just as I remember it.  It will always be debated which version of Slide It In was superior, the original UK or the partially re-recorded US mix.  I have long maintained that the US had more punch, and I still prefer it.  John Sykes was a powerful force, and his modern guitar squeals helped push Whitesnake into the 80s (for better or for worse).  From there the album runs through the big singles “Slow An’ Easy” and anthemic “Love Ain’t No Stranger”.  These two songs alone are worth buying the album for, but the deep cuts are strong.  “All or Nothing” and “Gambler” are darker, while “Guilty of Love has an upbeat rock singalong power.  “Hungry For Love”, “Give Me More Time” and the cheeky “Spit It Out” are all memorable, but the dramatic “Standing In the Shadow Of Love” remains one of the most impressive Whitesnake closers to date.

There are no Slide It In-era bonus tracks included, but the next album 1987 is augmented with plenty.  We already had the radio remix, so the disc dives in with opener “Crying In the Rain”, actually a re-recording of a track from Saints & Sinners, just like “Here I Go Again” itself.  The CD runs through all of Side One of 1987 and partly into Side Two, with “Children of the Night” being the last song on the disc.  This is the one and major flaw with The Whitesnake Collection:  the oddly timed split between Discs One and Two.  “Here I Go Again” (the album version) was meant to close Side One of 1987, but these things can’t be helped.

After you blast through that remarkable album and all the John Sykes guitar fireworks it contains, you are treated to a number of extras.  UK-only songs “You’re Gonna Break My Heart Again” and “Looking For Love” should have been on the US album.  One rocker and one ballad, they aren’t really like any of the other songs and could easily have strengthened an already mighty album.  Then, for the fans that have always wanted to hear the one and only solo that Vivian Campbell recorded with Whitesnake, you are given the single mix of “Give Me All Your Love” (1988).  An odd choice for a single originally when better songs were available, but significant due to Vivian’s tenure with the band.  His solo is more whammy-inflected and shreddy, but it is still memorable and fitting.  Weirdly, Campbell is not credited in the booklet though Sykes and Vandenberg are.  The final bonus track of this era is the lovely keyboard ballad B-side “Need Your Love So Bad”, a re-recording of a Slide It In-era B-side.  A song that could have even been a single!  This showcase for David’s vocals features only keyboards and the man himself; no other instruments.

Some fans would stop the disc here and hit eject, for the controversial Steve Vai era is next with Slip of the Tongue.  An acquired taste, or perhaps not acquirable at all, Slip of the Tongue was a left turn.  Going even slicker and more modern, Coverdale eschewed the blues for the most part and took his band of pirates space truckin’.    For Steve Vai fans, this album features his most commercial playing, for he didn’t write any of the songs.  Adrian did, but was sidelined by injury.  Now with Rudy Sarzo and Tommy Aldridge on bass and drums, the band was completely different from the 1987 version!  David was pushing his voice into a higher register and it never quite sounded the same ever since.  Though Slip of the Tongue was a powerful statement in the world of inventive guitar fireworks, it ultimately proved unpopular with those who preferred when David was singing the blues.  Results may vary, but the perennial Vai-era bonus track “Sweet Lady Luck” closes the disc as it should.  It does not have the Chris Lord-Alge remix of “Now You’re Gone”, but hey.

There are minimal liner notes and photos, and it’s amusing to read the notes from the perspective of a time when Whitesnake was no longer a band.  (They reunited in 2003.)  However the value here is getting all this music and relevant bonuses all in one place for a good price.  It just made sense.

4/5 stars

 

Whitesnake’s The Purple Album (Gold Edition) – Taking a look at all my Whitesnake “Colour” Albums – Red, White, Blues, Purple and more! [VIDEO]

For a good review (if I do say so myself) of the original 2015 releases of The Purple Album, click here!

 

David Coverdale has been remix-happy of late.  Nothing wrong with that, I just have a hard time overcoming my passion for original versions of songs that I spent time living and loving for many years.  Obviously I can’t have too much issue with it if I keep throwing money at him.  Thank you Encore Records for holding this pricey item for me.  $60 for 2 CDs and a Blu-ray disc.  Details in the scans below, along with images of my other related Whitesnake discs.

Enjoy the video below, taking a gander at all the different colours of Whitesnake!

 

 

REVIEW: Jethro Tull – Thick As A Brick (1972, 50th Anniversary remixed, cut 1/2 speed vinyl edition)

Thanks to Aaron of the KMA for sending this record for my 50th birthday!  50th anniversary edition for my 50th trip around the sun.

 

JETHRO TULL – Thick As A Brick (Originally 1972, 50th Anniversary Chrysalis Steven Wilson remix, cut 1/2 speed vinyl edition)

This review is focused on the remix and packaging of the 50th anniversary edition.  For a more music-focused analysis, read our 25th Anniversary CD review.  That CD came out in 1997.  How does that make you feel?  Here we are on the 50th anniversary of this great album already.

Even those who dislike remixes often approve of those done by Steven Wilson.  In 2012, for Thick As A Brick‘s 40th anniversary, Wilson created new stereo and 5.1 mixes for the album.  Such remixes work best when you play the album and can’t quite tell exactly what has changed.  Such is the case for Thick As A Brick.  The bass sounds deeper and the album sounds bigger.  You may notice musical elements you didn’t pick up on before, but the remix was clearly done with respect and never deviates too far from what you know.

The 5.1 remix is scheduled for a reissue in the fall, as even the 40th anniversary edition will get a reprint after nearly a decade out of print.

This vinyl LP was cut at 1/2 speed at AIR Studios.  According to the front sticker, this was performed on “a fully customized Neumann VMS80 lathe with fully recapped electronics”.  According to the same sticker, the 1/2 speed cutting allows better recreation of high frequencies.  I probably can’t hear them anyway, but in short:  the record sounds amazing!  The nuances of the flute, the organ, the acoustics…all here.  All thick as a brick!  Punchy.  More three-dimensional.  Because everything is so clear and in your face, this is my preferred way to listen to Thick As A Brick.  There is no struggling to hear any of the parts.  It’s all there, with good separation too.

For this reissue, the newspaper packaging has been reproduced full size.  The actual sleeve of the album is a 12 page newspaper.  This was, of course, discontinued for most reissues over the past decades.  Like a real newspaper, this packaging include crosswords and advertisements, all fake and meticulously assembled to entertain and baffle those who stumbled upon it.  The outer page, which becomes the front cover, is of harder paper stock than the inner pages.  There have been complaints of bent and damaged pages inside the shrink wrap, but this copy was perfect upon opening.

In case you need to be told, Thick As A Brick is one song, split over two sides of vinyl.  “Thick As A Brick” sides one and two; there’s your complete tracklisting!  It must be said that though side two tends to get less appreciation, the last 10 minutes are pure progressive rock delight.  The album just gallops on side two.

Get your newspaper and a coffee, and sit down to enjoy the Steven Wilson remix of Thick As A Brick.  It’s a lovely way to spend your day.

5/5 stars

 

 

REVIEW: Live – “Heaven” (2003 CD single)

LIVE – “Heaven” (2003 Universal CD single)

If the goal is to review “everything” in the collection, then we must dig deep.  Sometimes you find things that you forgot you owned.  Things you have not listened to in 19 years.  Things you bought “for the collection” because they were cheap (staff discount).  This single would have cost me about two bucks.  Live were a good band once; Throwing Copper was a 90s staple.  I remember giving the Birds of Pray album some store play, and I think it might have been OK but obviously I didn’t feel it enough to buy it or I’d still have it today.

Let’s check out the two track “Heaven” CD single, without remembering a single thing about it.

The opening vocals on “Heaven” are an immediate turn off.  Nasal-y and annoying.  The chorus is pretty good, lots of crunchy guitars, but it almost sounds like a parody of this kind of 90s rock.  The production is excellent though; the drums really slam and the guitars cut through.  This song gets a passing grade though it’s nothing special and the lyrics are kinda irritating.

I don’t need no one, to tell me about Heaven
I look at my daughter, and I believe
I don’t need no proof
When it comes to God and truth
I can see the sunset and I perceive, yeah

I liked when Live used to sing about living in a “Shit Towne”, but this is little too much limburger.  Indeed, they did call the album Birds of Pray….

The B-side is a track called “Forever Might Not Be Long Enough”, and this is the “Egyptian Dreams Mix” of said song.  Hard pass.  The exotic loops that open are cool but then the dance beats kick in.  No idea what the original sounded like and I have to wonder if I have ever played this CD before or if this is the first time.

Back on the shelf!

2/5 stars

 

 

REVIEW: Kevin Kiner – Star Wars “Rebels Theme” (Limited edition picture single)

STAR WARS “Rebels Theme” (Limited edition Disney 2015 picture disc single)
Music by KEVIN KINER

You know where I stand on remixes, right?  Most of them are shite, especially when you try to dance-ify music that was not intended for dancing.  If that kind of remix is your thing, that’s cool.  You appreciate something that I do not.  I just recommend that you hit the “back” button on your browser right about now, that’s all.

I liked Star Wars Rebels.  Although it did come across more “kiddie” than Clone Wars, the era and characters it covered were more to my liking.  The Imperial era, not the Republic.  Of course, it later grew and merged with Clone Wars into a greater lore, but that is not for this review.  Just saying, check it out if you haven’t.  It’s on your Disney Plus.

Rebels’ composer, Kevin Kiner, was tasked with coming up with a new theme cue.  He did this by incorporating and adapting John Williams’ original cues.  It’s almost like a mega-mix of hero themes, in 55 seconds.  It’s just a cartoon after all, not a feature film.  Kiner’s rendition of these landmark themes is perfectly suitable to the show and honours the era in which it is set, and the spark of rebellion.

Though Star Wars Rebels has two volumes of music available on soundtracks, they were never issued on physical formats.  This single is the only place you can get a physical copy of Kiner’s “Rebels Theme”.

Unfortunately, the exclusive B-side of this single is the horrid “Flux Pavilion’s The Ghost Remix”.  It adds digital beats, noise and manipulations to the “Rebels Theme” and extends the thing by five times!  For the hell of it, there’s some laser blasts, some Wookiee howls, and some yelling.  This is utter garbage that young kids might enjoy, but makes me wanna hurl.  It deviates so far from the blueprint that it’s clear the ol’ hyperdrive needs some recalibrating.  The remix is at least memorable, for whatever that’s worth.

The picture disc is nice though.  On the A-side (which is unfortunately the remix side!) it’s hero Ezra Bridger with Jedi Kanan Jarrus and droid C1-10P, aka “Chopper”.  On the B-side, the original “Rebels Theme”, you get an Imperial Stormtrooper taking aim to fire (and miss)!  One of the coolest things about the Rebels show was that it used old Ralph McQuarrie designs from Star Wars pre-history.  Chopper is based on preliminary drawings of R2-D2.  Likewise the loveable character of Garazeb Orrelios is based on early designs for Chewbacca.

Being that the decent B-side is 55 seconds long while the remix is five times that length, the rating for this single cannot be high.

2/5 stars

REVIEW: Marillion – Baubles – Christmas 2004

MARILLION – Baubles – Christmas 2004 (2004 Racket Records)

And now we have arrived at the worst Marillion “Christmas” album. There had to be one, didn’t there? Unusually for a Christmas CD, this one contains almost zero seasonal content. Which, you know, that’s no so bad in and of itself. Unfortunately, the 2004 Christmas CD is all remixes.

Marbles-era Marillion went a little remix-happy.  They had singles remixes.  They had a fanmade remix album (Remixomatosis) with a bonus CD of also-rans.  They had a 12″ promo single under the band name “Remixomatosis” with even more remixes.    And for the diehards who had a fanclub subscription, the annual holiday album was choked with nine more of these fanmade remixes.

The only Christmas content is the usual “Christmas Message”…which is, due to the unavailability of the band, just a remix of previously recorded Christmas messages.  Amusing?  Yes.  Disappointing?  Indeed.

The liner notes explain that Marillion received over 500 remixes from fans, and Remixomatosis represented the winners as voted for from the band.  Baubles, then, are the best of the rest.  It starts well enough, with the “Ordnance Survey Mix” of the excellent song “Map of the World”.  This one is decent because it doesn’t just mix in more drum loops, but oodles and oodles of string arrangements.  It’s “Map of the World” reimagined for strings, but unfortunately suffocating some of the regal vocal melodies in exchange.

Next is the “Demystified Mix” of “This is the 21st Century”, which begins by reducing everything to basic piano and percussion, and then adds the bass and accoutrements.  The chorus has a strange floaty quality.  Then the “2.5 Hearts in the Groove Mix” of “Fruit of the Wild Rose” is like coming down into the mud.  Very little of the original song remains, drowned by lofty beats and bass.  The funky chorus is good but the rest loses the plot too much.

“Number One” is a cool song for remixing, and this one is interesting.  Fast synth and beats turn it into something new, a pounding dark dance number.  They call it the “Whatever Mix” but it’s better than the name suggests.  It blends seamless into the “No Monsters Remix” of “If My Heart Were A Ball It Would Roll Uphill”, which doesn’t leave much of the original song intact.  I would have called it the “Boring Disco Remix”.  Moving on, “When I Meet God” is still recognizable in form of its “Ontological Mix”, with changes made to the guitar and drums.  It’s a good alternate mix to the original.

The “Latino Freak Mix” of “Separated Out” is surprising.  Taking the heaviest song on the album and making it into a mambo?  OK, I’ll give you points for that.  It’s not my cup ‘o hot chocolate, but to each their own.  The normally wonderful single “Between You and Me” is put into a laid back snooze on the “Martini Mix”, a failed (if jazz) experiment.  Finally the CD gratefully closes on the “Hard Time Mix” of “Quartz.  That aptly describes how it feels listening to this whole CD front to back.

1.5/5 stars

REVIEW: Europe – “The Final Countdown 2000” (Single)

“Oh God!  What did I just listen to?” – J from Resurrection Songs

EUROPE – “The Final Countdown 2000” (1999 Sony single)

As we edge closer to the start of a new decade, it’s the perfect time to look back at the turn of the millennium, 20 whole years ago.   Sony decided that Europe’s “The Final Countdown” would make the ideal anthem for the millennium, and so had it remixed by the guy (Brian Rawling) who did Cher’s “Believe” a year earlier.  Joey Tempest was not amused, and tried to find another mixer without success.  Drummer Ian Haughland called the finished remix a “disaster”.

The full 5:45 remix was released as a single, while a 3:47 edit version was issued on a new version of Europe’s “greatest hits”, with title updated from 1982-1992 to 1982-2000.  At least the millennium led to a performance by a reunited Europe on New Year’s Eve featuring both guitarists John Norum and Kee Marcello.

The full length remix is the antithesis to rock music.  Sped up, with bouncy synth bass and drums, it was obviously calculated for dancing.  There are keyboards, weird sounds, and samples that have nothing to do with the song.  Of the original recording, Joey’s vocals remain, but the rest sounds completely digital.  It goes on, and on.  The edit is tolerably shorter, but barely.  “The Final Countdown 2000” is an affront to rock music and everything its fans enjoy.  It is pure pandering to people who would never have bought a Europe album in the first place.  Is that what Sony felt they had to do in order to make it a hit a second time?  Imagine if Europe recorded a new version with both guitarists instead.  The song was already pop enough to be a hit again on the wave of 80s nostalgia.  It didn’t need to be mutilated to fit into a dance remix.  It surely would have done better than this (#6 in Sweden, #36 in the UK).

As a consolation prize, this CD single includes a single edit of the original song.  All it’s missing is the countdown opening.  After hearing the dance version twice, it sounds strangely sluggish (even though it’s not).  It’s like taking an offramp from the highway into normal traffic.

Possibly the worst single I’ve ever bought.  And I’ve bought Puff Daddy.

0.5/5 stars