Author: mikeladano

Metal, hard rock, rock and roll! Record Store Tales & Reviews! Grab A Stack of Rock and more. Poking the bear since 2010.

Part 255: ‘Twas the Night Before Christmas

Here we are on the 24th.  Have you done all your shopping?  Bought all the wine and food?  Then settle in for the last update before Christmas.  I always take a break from posting at this time, so check back in a few days and I’ll have fresh content again for you soon.  Enjoy this Record Store Tale, and best wishes!

RECORD STORE TALES Part 255: ‘Twas the Night Before Christmas

December 24th.  One of our busiest days of the year.  Not the busiest though – that would often fall on the last Saturday before Christmas, on the 23rd, or our annual Boxing Day sale on the 26th.  Nearly two months of buildup and hard work, and it’s all over in what feels like a blink!

The 24th could sometimes be a fun day to work.  Not all customers were your typical cranky shopper, although we certainly saw those too.  Many of our Christmas Eve customers were simply killing time.  Some were spending their Christmas money a little bit early.  Some didn’t care what day it was, particularly those who came in to sell CDs for cash.

Yes, many people did come in to sell even on Christmas Eve.  A few were looking for credit to buy gifts, some were just looking for money to buy a Christmas dime bag.  Either way it was always a busy day, and we were kept moving on our feet.  Many dollars exchanged hands on the 24th.

I recall Christmas music was in such demand that a few years I was left with 4 or 5 Christmas CDs left in stock.  Often these would be the ones that always sat, year after year, unwanted, unsold.  As a person who’s never liked Christmas music, I could never understand the NEED to have it, just to listen to it once a year.  To me, that’s what the radio was for.  But I wasn’t there to try to analyze the wants and desires of the people.  My job was to sell them whatever crap we had left.

The 24th was a messy day.  Usually you could count on snow getting tracked in on the carpets (which were only cleaned a few weeks prior – why??).  Also, most customers could not seem to put discs back where they found them.  This was a combination of poor shelf design, customers who didn’t give a shit, parents that don’t watch their children as they tear the store apart, and people who didn’t know the alphabet.  Discs would be everywhere by the end of it all, scattered hither and yon, with no rhyme or reason as to why they were left there.

I always wore a suit and tie on Christmas Eve.  This was a tradition begun by the boss and owner in the early 1990’s, but I was the only one who carried on this tradition.  The first time we did the suits T-Rev said, “I like it, it makes me feel important!”  People do treat you a little differently when you’re wearing a tie.

After all the rushes of customers died down, we’d start hanging the signs in preparation for the big Boxing Day sale on the 26th.  Buy 3 Get 1 Free!  Or something like that.  Not good with any other special offers though, so people would have something to bitch about.  “Why can’t you stamp my card too?”  Etc. etc.

One year (’96 or ’97) after close at 6 pm, the boss told me to stay late and help him hang these signs.  They were big banners for our Boxing Day sale.  He climbed a ladder to clip these huge hanging signs from the ceiling.  I was there on the floor in my tie trying to hold the sign aloft as he worked.  Then he dropped a clip to the ground and we couldn’t see where it landed.  And apparently we didn’t have any spares.

On hands and knees I searched and searched.  We even got out a flashlight to try to find the damned thing.  No luck!  Meanwhile the clock ticked and ticked.  6:30.  6:45.  7:00.  The parking lot outside was quickly resembling a frozen ghost town, as people raced home to begin their own festivities.

Just as I found the damn clip on the ground, the phone rang.  Normally I wouldn’t answer the phone this late after close on Christmas Eve, but my boss answered, and it was my mom.

“When are you sending my son home to enjoy his Christmas Eve dinner with his family?” she chided.

“Oh I’m sorry Mrs. Ladano!” my boss responded.  “We’re almost done.  You’ll have him soon.”

I think if my mom hadn’t called, we would have been there all night hanging those stupid signs!

At home there was plenty of hot food to enjoy, as I let my body relax after a long day of serious hard work.  Thankfully I did not have to work Boxing Day, probably the longest most tiring day of the whole year.  I therefore had two whole days to relax, watch movies, and spend time with the family.

On that note, I wish all of you a Merry  Christmas.  Whether you celebrate the holiday or not, be safe and warm this season.  And most important I hope you all make it home on time and don’t have to stay late hanging signs!

SANTA

REVIEW: Judas Priest – Nostradamus (deluxe edition)

NOSTRADAMUS_0001JUDAS PRIEST – Nostradamus (2008 Sony deluxe edition)

I was really worried about this album. I started reading some of the early bad reviews and was a little shocked as to how much some people hated Nostradamus. Even more worrisome were the mixed reviews, often coming from long-time Priest fans. Many liked it, but they were far from blown away.

I’m strongly in the “like” category with this CD. I get completely why some fans don’t like it. Most of the terrible bad reviews I read came from dyed-in-the-wool metal fans, and yeah, you’re not going to love it if all you eat, breathe, and sleep is metal. I’m not meaning to be condescending here. People who don’t love just metal, but also progressive rock, classical, and even opera, are more likely to love Nostradamus.

The production is OK (self produced this one is), but the drums are oddly buried in the mix. Maybe Scott Travis isn’t even the right drummer to be playing these kind of grooves (plods?), I don’t know. He sure does wail on “Persecution” though, among others. Still, it’s like a weird 80’s drum sound from a Leatherwolf album or something.

KK Downing and Glenn Tipton — awesome as ever.  At least KK went out of Priest on a high note.  He got to stretch his wings out a bit on this, as did Glenn.  There is everything a guitar lover could want on Nostradamus. Lots of natural guitar tones, distortion, crazy riffs and spastic solos, even a bloody flamenco! Mental solos – unbelievable.

Halford — awesome. On some songs he’s really reaching back to his love of opera, no doubt of that. Buddy sings in Italian on one song! Kind of jarring, but it suits the whole epic nature of the music. Yes, there are screams. He’s learned to make the screams more effective by using them sparingly, more strategically. At the same time a lot of fans want to hear him scream at the top of his lungs again, like he did on Painkiller, and I can understand that. Fact is, maybe the guy can’t do it like that anymore. Is that his fault? Of course not. His singing is very much like it was on Angel Of Retribution. Mature’s a good word. I miss the screaming too, but if he can’t do it like he used to, it can’t be helped. It is what it is.

Regarding bassist Ian Hill, I can’t hear the bass guitar, most of the time. I guess that’s kind of expected in Priest, right?  They’re not really known for bass.  Don Airey of Deep Purple played keyboards, and he’s great. As always. Lots of dramatic piano, circa vintage Sad Wings era Priest.  Very different from what he does currently in Deep Purple.

There are also real strings, so don’t fret. Lots of guitar synths as well, but not on a “Turbo Lover” sort of scale. I didn’t find the synth too intrusive for the most part. In a lot of cases the string and synths combined make it sound like a massive Michael Kamen score. You’ll know what I mean when you hear it.  It’s very big and bombastic and some don’t find that kind of string arrangement to their tastes.  Some find it very one-dimensional.  Personally I think it had to be this way on Nostradamus, since the strings need to be heard among the guitars.

This “Deluxe Edition” comes in a nice hardcover book. It’s roughly DVD sized. Very nice package even if you have to slide the CD out of a cardboard sleeve (again!). Worth the extra cash to you? Well, that’s up to you. I’m not sure it’s worth it to me or not, but I bought it, so there you go.

I wonder if Nostradamus will go down as the most controverial Priest album ever?  Even more so than Turbo, Point Of Entry, or Jugulator?  Certainly some of the initial reaction on the usual sites was pretty harsh.  Priest have always been a diverse metal band, and if you love Priest’s entire history including all the nooks and crannies, you’ll love Nostradamus. If you only like British Steel, you are probably going to hate Nostradamus!

4/5 stars

REVIEW: Foo Fighters – Greatest Hits (CD/DVD set)

These 16 songs are what we’re calling our “Greatest Hits.” Not to be confused with “Our Best Songs” or “Our Favorite Songs,” it is a collection of the songs that have defined our band’s identity to most people over the years. The other 65 album tracks… well, some of those might be our greatest songs. “Aurora”, “New Way Home”, “MIA”, “Exhausted”, “A320” … depends on whom you ask. Personally, I don’t think we’ve written our greatest songs yet. But that door is always open. – Dave Grohl, 2009

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FOO FIGHTERS – Greatest Hits (2009 Roswell Records CD/DVD set)

November 2009 was a great month for Dave Grohl fans, with this release of their Greatest Hits CD, a slew of Nirvana, and Them Crooked Vultures. As far as the hits disc goes, I would recommend that you purchase the version that comes with the bonus DVD. It includes almost all of the Foo’s wonderful witty and goofy music videos as well as live cuts.

I actually don’t have too many beefs with the CD track listing itself. Granted, Foo singles and Foo album tracks are often two different beasts and equally good. As Dave points out in the liner notes (great liner notes by the way) maybe “Aurora” should have been included in a tracklist of the “best” Foo songs. More songs from the first album could have been here. I’m sure you could pick out a dozen more. All the tracks here are singles or new songs. By and large though, no big deal, as long as you dig deeper into the Foo catalogue after hearing this CD.

What about those two new songs?

“Wheels” has a neat opening riff that sounds like country music with feedback! I like this song alot. Honestly, I think this is a country song in disguise. Imagine Dwight Yoakam doing it. See what I mean? As far as Foo songs go, maybe this would fit right in with There Is Nothing Left To Lose material. Great chorus, there’s even a little twang in the chorus. It has an epic quality. Cool crashing chords in the chorus, too.

“Word Forward” starts acoustic, punctuated with some electric guitar. Not quite as strong as “Wheels”, the melody is a bit more awkward. This sounds more like B-side material to me. It’s a shame because I quite like the clean-picked opening guitar, the dynamics, and a lot of the chords, it’s just the melodies of the song that don’t work for me.

IMG_00001618_editThe flow of the songs isn’t perfect. A song like the electric version of “Everlong”, to me, is a song that goes on the later half of a CD (aka “side 2” to us old folks). To me it’s a song that builds up to a closing climax of an album. If I had chosen this exact same track list, I would have had the songs in a different order so they flow better in terms of mood. Also, I think a few too many fast Foo tracks are presented in a row without enough of their wonderful slower songs to break things up. Look at the first four tracks in a row: “All My Life”, “Best Of You”, “Everlong” and “The Pretender” are four fast heavy ones in a row, followed by “My Hero” which is still pretty heavy. It’s like putting your foot on the gas pedal and not taking it off even when your passenger is giving you terrified looks!

The album ends with an acoustic version of “Everlong” (not from the Skin and Bones CD, this is an unreleased 1996 demo). While this spare, Grohl-only version of the most epic of epic Foo songs is great, as a closer it’s not my choice, at least not for an album like this. It kind of left me hanging.  I’m not bitching about getting an unreleased demo of a classic song, I just don’t think last was the right place in the running order for it.

I can only give the CD-only version 3.5/5 stars, because it’s a little underwhelming and I’m sure you, as a fan, could have made a better mix CD. Pick up the version with the DVD — 4.5/5 stars on that one.

Gallery: Christmas Comes Early

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The “A” is for Aaron!  Thanks man!  This parcel wasn’t a total surprise but the contents inside sure were!  I’m really excited about many of these items.  (The Olivia Munn film looks great…)  I’m so overwhelmed I don’t even know where to begin.

Ahh hell.  Yes I do.  Let’s start with Pearl Jam!

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REVIEW: The Cult – Live Cult (Marquee London MCMXCI)

 

THE CULT – Live Cult (Marquee London MCMXCI) (Reissue)

This double live album was once the “Holy Grail” of Cult collectibles.  It was originally a limited release involving a confusion of two separate discs, mail orders and bonus CDs in some versions of Pure Cult.  Whatever, it’s been reissued (both CDs, the complete set) at retail…and now everybody can hear why The Cult went on hiatus at the beginning of the 90’s.  It’s just not that good.

Like almost all live albums, this one has its pros and its cons. To me, the biggest con is that The Cult had dug themselves into this vaccuous, stiff, homogenic, generic rock/metal sound. For example, the cuts from Electic, in particular “Wild Flower”, are robbed of all their energy and groove. The rhythm section was new, but did consist of the late, great Michael Lee (later of Page & Plant). But these were not the same guys who recorded Love, or Electric, in fact they had never played on a Cult album. Perhaps that is why these songs don’t sound like The Cult that we know, but some early 90’s rock metal hybrid version of The Cult.

Another con is that Astbury was pretty hoarse that night. However in a sense that is also a pro — the liner notes proudly state that there are no overdubs or edits, that this is “as it was” on that night. And I will take a genuine live album with a hoarse singer over any overdubbed live album, every single time. In fact one entire track (“Amplification Breakdown”) is dedicated to the space between two songs while Duffy gets an amp fixed!

LIVE CULT_0003

The track selection was adventurous, with lots of songs from Dreamtime and Love. “Brother Wolf, Sister Moon” is played live for the first time ever, according to Ian. They threw in a B-side (“Zap City”) and only a couple songs from their then-latest record Ceremony: They studiously avoided the too-mellow singles, and opted for lesser known rocking album tracks.

While this album was important as a document of a pre-hiatus Cult, before they reinvented themselves in 1994, it is a shame that the band was sounding so generically “rock” at the time, and little like the classic Cult. Perhaps that is why Ian and Billy felt like they had to reinvent themselves.

3/5 stars

More of THE CULT at mikeladano.com:

Weapon of Choice (iTunes exclusive release) + Capsule 1 + “Lil’ Devil” (double 12″ EP)

Part 254: You Don’t Need To See My Identification

RECORD STORE TALES Part 254:  You Don’t Need To See My Identification

In Ontario, to sell any used goods to a pawn shop or used CD store like ours, you had to present valid, government issued photo ID. That was the law, even though many of my customers thought I made that up just to be a prick. No; that was indeed the law. I couldn’t buy a used stick of gum from you without a driver’s license, passport, or other form of official photo ID.

One day, I was buying some discs from a man, and we just needed his ID to finalize the deal. Upon asking to see it, this exchange occurred:

Me: I just need a piece of photo ID from you.

Him: I have a membership.

Me: …I’m sorry?

Him: I have a membership here.

Me: I’m not sure what you mean. We don’t have “memberships”.

Him: Whatever it’s called. I’m in your system.

Me: That may be but I still need your ID to prove you are who you say you are.

Him: But I’m a member.

Me: I really don’t know what you mean. I’ve been working here for years and even I’m not a “member”!

Another time, I asked a fellow for identification, and it went down something like this:

IDMe:  I’ll just need a piece of ID and your signature.

Him:  ID?  What for?  They’re not stolen.

Me:  That’s the law in Ontario.  I can’t buy anything used off anybody unless they show me ID.

Him:  Like a license?  Will my driver’s license do?

Me:  Yup, sure will.

Him:  Alright, I’ll drive home and get it, I’ll be back in 10.

So he left, and I’m standing there thinking, “What an idiot. What if a cop pulled him over?” Why wouldn’t you just put your wallet in your pants so you have it with you?

Then there were the paranoid ones.  They were rare but they were out there, occasionally surfacing, to raise funds by selling off CDs or DVDs.

Me:  And I just need a piece of ID.

Him:  Don’t got any.

Me:  None?  Nothing at all?  Driver’s License, Health Card?

Him:  Nope.  I don’t want the government knowing my affairs.

Nor did he want them to know he was selling off his Tammy Wynette albums, I suppose.

Bottom line:  I was surprised how many people in this fine city walk  (and sometimes drive) around without any sort of identification on them.  Just an observation, is all, from the front lines of the record store.

REVIEW: Jimi Hendrix – Merry Christmas and Happy New Year (2010)

MERRY CHRISTMAS_0001JIMI HENDRIX – Merry Christmas and Happy New Year (2010 Sony EP)

I couldn’t resist picking this single up on CD when I found it at my local Sunrise, although I wish I had also picked up vinyl. It wasn’t a huge expense, and if you’re an old-school music fan like me, you won’t mind paying to have an actual physical format with full colour cover art and liner notes.   A quick browse on Discogs reveals average prices today for all formats:  About $5 for CD, $7-10 for two-track 7″, and about $14 for the 10″ single.

The Band of Gypsys’ 1969 instrumental take of “Little Drummer Boy/Silent Night/Auld Lang Syne” sounds largely improvised and spontaneous.  It is, in my humble opinion, a brilliant interpretation and serves to remind us that no matter what he did, nobody sounds like Jimi Hendrix. It’s incredible to me that today, 40 years after his death, there is still nobody that sounds like Jimi Hendrix.

“Three Little Bears” is the same version as on War Heroes so you may have this version already. Then the third track is an extended version of the first, which actually is pretty cool since it’s still over way too soon.

Inside the package are the aformentioned liner notes, as well as an alternate shot from a 1967 “Jimi dressed as Santa” photo shoot, holding copies of Axis: Bold as Love. Liner notes are detailed for a single, revealing the whens and wherefores of the recording sessions.

Recommended for all Hendrix fans, perfect for downing some ‘nog by the fire this winter.

4/5 stars

MOVIE REVIEW: Paths of Glory (1957)

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PATHS_0001PATHS OF GLORY (2010 Criterion Blu-ray, originally 1957)

Directed by Stanley Kubrick

It is the First World War. The French have dug into trenches, 500 miles long, from the English Channel to the border of Switzerland. As the film’s intro eloquently states, victories are counted in hundreds of yards gained, at the cost of hundreds of thousands of men. This is the setting of Paths of Glory, certainly and easily one of the greatest war movies of all time.

Paths of Glory, one of several Stanley Kubrick masterpieces, contains some of the most realistic First World War battle scenes ever put to film. The landscape is a cratered no-man’s land of mud, wire and bodies. The desperation is captured beautifully. The references to “shell shock” are historically accurate (it was considered to be a mythical condition by the generals of the day).

Kirk Douglas is Col. Dax, once a lawyer in his old life, now ordered to take the “Anthill”.  It’s a fortified position that German forces have held for a year. Now the French intend to take it and keep it.  All they have to do this with is tired and worn out men. Dax doesn’t think it can be done, but cannot disobey an order. The only alternative for him would have been to be relieved of duty, and Dax won’t abandon his men when they need him.

General Mireaux, his ambition clouding his judgment, set up an impossible undertaking. As is inevitable, the man are slaughtered, not even able to clear their own  barbed wire.  The few survivors were forced back by more guns and shells. A humiliated and embarrassed General Mireaux then orders his artillery to fire on his own trenches (that should keep them from retreating to them, right?)  When that order is refused, he decides to charge them for cowardice in the face of enemy. After all, someone must take the blame for this failure, and why should it be an officer? Col. Dax returns to his role of a lawyer and defends the three token men chosen at random to face the charges of cowardice.  Then, the movie morphs into courtroom drama.

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Paths of Glory paints a picture of the way it was, based loosely on the practice of executing men for cowardice before they “infect” the rest of the men with it.  It’s not a pretty picture.  The trenches in the film are perhaps drier than the real trenches but the landscapes look very real indeed. Kubrick’s style here was still that of an observer, which came from his years as a newspaper photographer. He places his lenses where an observer would sit, and you can watch the events unfold like a fly on the wall.

Kirk Douglas is joined by Kubrick regulars Timothy Carey (two Kubrick films to his name), Joe Turkel (three Kubrick films) as well as Adolphe Menjou and a very young Christiane Kubrick.

The story itself is a heart wrenching look at the realities of First World War Europe, and also the human spirit. It attacks our prejudices and practices while reminding us that we are all the same regardless of our station in life. Kubrick seems to have been both fascinated by war while being repulsed by its necessity.

This being such an historically important film, I am glad that it finally received the Criterion treatment.  The restoration is very well done compared to the original DVD edition. The audio is in mono just as the original film was. I appreciate that nobody tried to tinker with the audio to make it multi-channel. This is the way Kubrick made it. Supplemental features are here including audio commentary, an essay, and a fun interview with Kirk Douglas from the 1970’s, among numerous others.

This is absolutely necessary for any fans of real war films and Stanley Kubrick. Hopefully this ushers in a set of brand new Kubrick Criterion editions. I bought two copies; the second was for my dad.

5/5 stars

Kirk Douglas … Col. Dax
Ralph Meeker … Cpl. Philippe Paris
Adolphe Menjou … Gen. George Broulard
George Macready … Gen. Paul Mireau
Wayne Morris … Lt. Roget
Richard Anderson … Maj. Saint-Auban
Joe Turkel … Pvt. Pierre Arnaud

REVIEW: The Black Crowes – Wiser For The Time (4 LP box set)

THE BLACK CROWES – Wiser For The Time (2013 4 LP box set, Silver Arrow/Megaforce Records)

I enjoy when bands do releases that are exclusive to certain formats.  In 2013 the Crowes put out this mammoth live album/box set, and let me tell you it’s gorgeous.  All it lacks is a booklet with pictures or liner notes.  I am otherwise completely thrilled with this release.  I’ve been on a Crowes kick these last few weeks, being drawn to the feel and impeccable musicianship of the band.  Wiser For The Time is largely acoustic, featuring mellow songs and arrangements spanning their entire career.  It also has plenty of electric rock, funk and blues.  It boasts 26 tracks and a running time of over 2 1/2 hours.  There was also a bonus 27th song given away for free last year, “Under A Mountain” taken from the same series of five New York concerts that comprise the album.

The Black Crowes pulled out all the stops.  From familiar hits such as “Jealous Again” to non-album obscurities like the scorching “Exit”, Wiser For The Time is treat after treat.  “Exit” in particular was a delicacy for me.  I had never heard the song before and was taken aback by its heavy groove.  And this is a song that has never been released on an album!?  Well, until now.  Even familiar songs like “No Speak No Slave” have new exciting moments, making the album a fresh listening experience.  Other songs like “Only Halfway to Everywhere” are extended to the 10 minute mark.

Covers?  Of the Crowes always surprise with interesting covers choices.  Here the biggest joy may be “Hot Burrito #1” and “Hot Burrito #2,” in sequence, by the Flying Burrito Brothers. That’s pretty hard core.  There were plenty of unfamiliar songs to me on Wiser For The Time.  Whether they are covers or Crowes obscurities I don’t know.  Regardless, I enjoy a good live album with unfamiliar material on it.  Who wants the same songs all the time?

SAM_0439Personal highlight:  “The Garden Gate” is my favourite song from 2009’s sprawling 2-LP Before the Frost…Until the Freeze.  I’m pleased that it made the album.  It’s every bit as good here as it was on Before the Frost.

But whether it’s the funky “Make Glad” or the extended jamming that makes up the end of “Tied Up and Swallowed”, there is not a dull moment on Wiser For The Time.  I solidly enjoyed the whole album.  I hope I can find the time to do so frequently in the future, but let’s be honest.  In our rat-race lives, few of us have the time to really spend time with an album anymore, particularly a 4 LP live box set.  And this isn’t a cheap set.  Sunrise had it for about $81, but Amazon were asking $73 with free shipping.  For those who can’t justify paying that much, iTunes have it too.  But these are beautiful 180 gram records, and iTunes can’t sell you the warmth that you will hear on a turntable.  Think wisely before buying.

4/5 stars

4 LP setIMG_00001630

  1. Cursed Diamond
  2. Sister Luck
  3. Smile
  4. Downtown Money Waster
  5. Hot Burrito #1
  6. Hot Burrito #2
  7. The Garden Gate
  8. Better When You’re Not Alone
  9. Darling Of The Underground Press
  10. Jealous Again
  11. Hotel Illness
  12. Thunderstorm
  13. Oh The Rain
  14. Soul Singing
  15. Tonight I’ll Be Staying Here With YouIMG_00001632
  16. Exit
  17. No Speak No Slave
  18. Only Halfway To Everywhere
  19. A Conspiracy
  20. Title Song 
  21. My Morning Song/Stare It Cold
  22. Tied Up and Swallowed
  23. Make Glad
  24. Waiting Guilty
  25. She Talk To Angels
  26. Willin’

Free Download Bonus Track

  1. Under A Mountain

Part 253: Angry Man Go Boom!

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RECORD STORE TALES Part 253:  Angry Man Go Boom!

September 6, 2005.

It was 11 am. Sales were slow so far on this first post-summer morning. I was feeling fantastic after a perfect night’s sleep. I only had one customer in the store. He was a somewhat odd fellow, late 30’s, liked to look stuff up in the computer, write it down, and then not buy it. Different strokes for different folks, I say. All the bosses were in the back office, as is typical. I was listening to Jethro Tull, Elvis Costello, and Max Webster. Nothing later than 1981, of course.

In walks our main character to this story. He’s a tall fellow, very tall, but even now I can’t quite put his face into focus. I can’t even clearly recall if he had a beard or not. I do remember his height, because he towered over me when I stood next to him. In his hands was a copy of Shaggy’s Hot Shot-Remixed album.

To get the proper effect, please read all of his dialogue in a Jamaican accent, a forceful Jamaican accent.  He was holding the Shaggy CD in his hands, and I saw our price tag on it.

“Yo, I bought this one but…it’s not the right one. Can I get somethin’ else?”

“Sure, just take a look around if you want. Do you have the receipt?”

His eyes got wide, he smiled a huge toothy “just ate the cat” smile, and then said, “Ahh man, I think I lost it somewhere.”

The price tag looked quite worn, it could have been purchased some time ago. We had our exchange policy: 7 days (+ an unspoken 7 more days just to avoid hassles). We also needed a receipt for all exchanges except in special cases.  All of this was clearly stated on the store signage as well as the lost receipt.

“Ahh, see, we need to have the receipt for all exchanges. Sorry man…”

“Ahh come on man! You remember me buying this thing don’t you?”

“Actually, no, I don’t, not really, without a receipt…”

“Ahh come on man I just want to switch it!”

Prior to this I was on the sales floor. I walked behind the counter, and said, “Without a receipt, I can’t do that.  The best I could do would be to buy it back from you.” I motioned for him to hand me the CD.

“Huh?” He handed me the CD. I opened the jewel case and examined the condition of the disc.

“I could buy it back from you used.”

Shaggy was quite scratched indeed. I chose not to say anything about it, since he’d claim he bought it like that. They always say that whether they did or didn’t, so my saying anything about it wouldn’t help. However, to buy it back in that condition normally we would give less, to cover the cost of having the CD buffed back to a new finish. I chose not to do that either, since I was being a hard ass on the rules I’d cut him a break on the condition.

“I can give you four dollars for this.”

“What?” Eyes go wide again. “I just want to switch it man, I’m the customer!”

“I know, but as I said, I can’t do that for you. What I can do is give you four dollars for that CD, but that’s the best I can do.”

“You know what, I’m the customer, and [accent gets too thick for me to continue]…”

Then, he took the CD in his hands, jewel case and all, and crushed it.  Pieces went flying everywhere. He stomped to the door, where he stood in the doorway and yelled “I am the customer!”

Out he went.  There was this moment of awkward silence. Then, the man at the lookup computer (who I’d forgotten all about) chimed in.

“So, let me get this straight. You were going to give him $4 for that CD.  Then he crushed it. Now he can’t get anything for it. How did that guy think that was a good idea?”

Took the words out of my mouth.