RECORD STORE TALES PART 100: Β Five Record Store Memories
1. One customer, Captain Jack (so-named because he dressed as a WWII Corsair pilot) once offered to work for us part time, just straightening the discs in the bargain bin so theyβd all face in the same direction.Β That was all he wanted to be.Β Bargain Bin Straightener.
2. Two young girls were listening to Gwen Stefani on the listening stations.Β Both of them decided to sing, βThis shit is bananas!β at the top of their lungs. Β When told to stop, they just said, βBut weβre just repeating the words of the song!β Β Parents, step up please.
3. Because we had a staff dinner there once, Jack Astorβs popped in one day with a βJack Attackβ:Β A bucket of wings and a six-pack of pop. Β At first I was going to say, βSorry man, I didnβt order any food,β until they said it was FREE! Β I was working alone, and I managed to eatΒ mostΒ ofΒ the wings and drinkΒ 4 bottles of pop myself!Β My boss would have shit if he saw me pigging out in the store…but there was nowhere else to go to eat, when you’re working alone all day.
4.One of the most unique discs we ever saw come in stock was a disc of Russian folk songs, recordedΒ over a century ago.Β One employee, Wiseman, liked playing it at closing time because it got people out of the store.
5.Other artists Wiseman enjoyed:Β Brushy One-String, a reggae artist so named becauseΒ he played a one-stringed guitar!Β This also received store play, but reportedly was “not very good”.Β He would often pair this with Tarkus, by E.L.P.Β It was always interesting working nights with Wiseman!
Because our cases were kept empty, thieves didn’t have a lot to steal.Β Some stole empty cases thinking they were getting the disc, true.Β Some, however, just wanted the cover.Β That’s all.
They’d leave the case behind and just steal the booklet.Β You could understand why, in some circumstances.Β Usually it would be, say, the new Beyonce CD that loses its cover mysteriously.Β I imagine today, perhaps Ms. Perry or Ms. Rihanna would go missing from their cases.Β In rare cases, it might be, say, the cover to And Justice For All that goes missing, because it’s a badass picture.
The creepiest thing that ever happened was when the cover to Kathryn Ladano’s CD got stolen.Β I think I know who stole it, too.Β And I think it was the one known as Wiseman.Β He was always telling me my sister is hot.Β Why he would do this, I do not know.Β The fact that I never punched him proves I’m a nice guy.
One day, the cover just went missing.Β Poof.Β Gone.Β A Recital of Works for Bass Clarinet, cover only, disappeared into thin air.Β You got the bare minimum of cover thieves rocking the classical section of the store, too.
With Wiseman giving me all the creepy talk about my sister, I think it was him.Β Gaaah!
To Wiseman:Β You only hurt the artist, you know!Β Your creepy ways only means my sister couldn’t sell that CD anymore!Β Jerk.
1.Columbia House used to manufacture their own CDs.Β That’s how they gave away 12 for free.Β They’d purchase rights to the master tapes, and manufacture their own discs.Β Collectors avoid these, considering them to be of lesser quality and value.Β At the store, we used to offer a buck less if your CD was from Columbia House.Β Some stores didn’t even buy CDs from Columbia House!
2.Places like Best Buy and Future Shop used to sell new releases at a loss, making it tough for us to compete.Β A new release might have cost the store $11.90 to get in.Β We’d mark it up marginally, barely even covering the shipping and handling cost for the box of discs to be sent to us.Β Best Buy and Future Shop would sell themΒ at $9.99 for a day, or evenΒ a week, making a loss but creating customer traffic.Β And presumeably those customers would buy something else, too.Β In the old days, we’d sometimes go to Best Buy and Future Shop to buy copies for our own stock!
3.People used to stick a weighted ring to the top of their CDs to “balance” them.Β I can find no furtherΒ information out about this, but I clearly remember old CDs made in the 1980’s being modified this way.Β Customers modified them on their own, with a kit.Β A burgundy plasticΒ ring, maybe 1 or 2 mm thick, would be stuck to the outer edge of a CD.Β A customer once told me he applied this ring itself to “balance the CD and make it play better”.Β I saw these modified CDs fairly frequently, usually with jazz and classical customers so this must have been somewhat commonplace for a time.
4.CDs play from the inside out, not outside in like a record.Β This always surprised people.Β If you had scratches on the outer edges of your CD, you might be OK.Β If you look carefully at the shiny rainbow rings on your disc, you can actually make out how much of the disc is playing surface.
5. Products advertized to “fix” your CD will not.Β But they can clean it, and maybe that is all that is wrong.Β Most scratches won’t effect the play of your disc.Β Your laser can read through a lot of stuff.Β One thing it can’t read through is a dried bead of Coca-Cola, so make sure your skipping disc has been cleaned before you give up on it.Β But don’t waste your money on a “repair” kit, which will do more harm than good.
In the early days, Tuesdays were one of the busiest days of the week. Β That was the day that new releases came out.Β Weβd also re-stock all our other stuff that day too. Β Canpar would show up with several boxes which you would crack open to gander at the goodies inside.Β It was also cool to see the new releases for the first time. Β Checking out the album covers, the song titles, stocking them, seeing how theyβd sell. Β Any time there was a new release that I was personally into, it was twice as fun.
I still remember on my very first Tuesday, April Wineβs latest album Frigate came out. Β I remember thinking, βApril Wine?Β Do people still buy new April Wine albums?βΒ (They didn’t.)
In the days before computers youβd have to make an inventory tag for each new release. Β That was your trigger to re-order the title. Β Youβd put the tag on one copy of the CD. Β If that copy of the CD was bought, youβd take the tag off, and put it on another.Β When there were none left, youβd file that tag.Β (We always filed by record company β there were more record companies back then, many have merged.) Β Then come order day (Mondays) youβd go through the tags and re-order things that were sold out.
I remember when Kissβ MTV Unplugged came out in March 1996. Β Trevor was working the day shift, me the night.
βI left the Kiss Unplugged for you to make the tag.β
Maybe only a record store guy would get it, but that was cool of him.Β That inventory tag would be in the store forever.Β Little things like that meant something to us.
I remember when Radiohead put out The Bends.Β WeΒ ordered three copies, and sold out immediately!Β Β Imagine that today — ordering three copies!Β But back then, as far as we were concerned, they were a band with one novelty hit.
The worst new release Tuesdays were the ones where we didnβt get something important. Β Maybe the distributors stiffed us on an in-demand title. Β Maybe we just missed some new hip-hop artist that weβd never heard of. Β It would happen all the time.
I would always try to get in rock titles that I knew we could sell. Β Rock wasnβt huge in the mid-90βs, but I did carry the flag. Β I made sure we ordered 5 copies of Queensrycheβs Hear In The Now Frontier album in 1997, which we sold out.Β Then I ordered three more, which IΒ also sold. Β In fact, I sold out of that faster than I sold out of Notorious B.I.G.βs posthumous second album (which was twice the price, however).Β I also carried Bruce Dickinsonβs Accident of Birth.Β I sold out of that one.Β Even though the numbers were insignificant as far as our store sales went, I felt good that we were at least bearing the flag for rock during the 90βs. Β Believe it or not, in 1997, we didnβt even carry the new Judas Priest. Β Thatβs how bad it was forΒ metal at the time. Β I ordered one copy for myself, and just one copy.
New release Tuesdays were a long day β you had to rearrange the charts to accomodate for the new releases, and sometimes in the old days when we had more new releases, you wouldnβt even finish stocking until the next day. Β Sometimes your fingers were sore from applying peel-and-stick security tags.Β Β The excitement of new release Tuesdays, and the surprises in store,Β meant it was always a shift to look forward to.
The year:Β 2003. Aerosmith were in town, playing a private party for Research in Motion. Β I know a few people who went.Β But I also know someone who ran into Steven Tyler downtown that day.Β (As an historic footnote, the opening act for that party was Barenaked Ladies.Β Thanks to Melvin Lapandano for that information.)
The person who bumped into Tyler was βDandyβ, one of the biggest assholes Iβve ever worked with. Β And that doesnβt even bother him, he used to be proud that he was a dick. Β Once he dropped his faΓ§ade and showed his true colours, I had no use for the guy. Β He was the kind of lazy disinterested employee who knew when he was safe to screw the pooch and when he had to work, and who to kiss assΒ for brownie points. Β He was an expert at keeping up appearances.
The only time Dandy did anything (arguably) funny wasΒ the timeΒ met Steven Tyler downtown.Β But he was still a dick.
Aerosmithβs last album, Just Push Play was pretty dismal, loaded with pop, ballads and samples. Β Even Joe Perry says itβs his least favourite album.
So, Aerosmith are in town to play the private party. Β Dandyβs walking downtown, acting like a douche (that part is speculation, but itβs probably true), when he bumps into Steven Tyler. Β The conversation went like this.
Dandy β βHey!Β Youβre in Aerosmith, right?β
Tyler β βThatβs right, how are you doing man?β
Dandy β βIβm OK. Β You guys kind of suck now donβt you?β
Tyler β (frowns and walks away)
Dandy β βCheers.β
Then, to conclude the story, Dandy told me, βLater on I saw the bass player too. Β But I didnβt say anything to him.Β Heβs just the bass player, so it already sucks enough to be him.β
When you walk into a CD store today, you might see all sorts of colourful characters. Β Maybe youβll see a mohawk, purple hair, piercings and tattoos. Β Something about the music scene attracts that sort of style, and young folks in CD stores often emulate their rock star heroes.
Well, not in our store!
When I first started in β94, the rules were clear:Β No weird hair colours, no piercings (not even ears, on men), no visible tattoos. Β In a music store.
The rationale behind this was that we were a mall music store β we catered to mall rats who listened to Nine Inch Nails, but also to grannies looking for the new Anne Murray. Β We couldnβt scare off the old ladies with an earring.Β It all came down to personality really.Β The man who called the shots and paid the bills as well as the paycheques didnβt like earrings on men. Β He was a pretty clean cut, physically fit, unpierced chap and earrings on men were the opposite of his vision for a record store.
I know.Β I know how weird that sounds, for a music store, but rules are rules are rules.
Then in β95, we hired a girl with a visible back tattoo, so the tattoo rule quietly went out the window. Β Guys were still not allowed to have earrings.
In β97, one of our guys spent the summer in England. Β He returned in the fall with a nose ring. Β He knew the policy and didnβt care.Β The boss decided to bend the rule, since he had βalready spent the moneyβ to have the piercing done. This opened the door a crack.Β Before too long we had girls with nose rings, guys with eyebrow rings and visible tattoos, and I decided to get my ears pierced.Β I put up with a little grief over it (βWhy would you want to do that to yourself?β) but the policy was no longer in effect.Β We were finally starting to catch up with the rest of the world in general, and music stores specifically!Β Our new policy stated that facial piercings were allowed as long as they were not βexcessiveβ. Β βExcessiveβ was never defined, but it was understood that a couple were OK.
I decided I wanted a lip piercing, and later on a nose piercing. Β I became very active in the body modification community, making friends in tattoo shops. Β (Some of those friends are LeBrain readers today.)Β I never went hog wild.Β To date I only have two tattoos, and one earring left.Β However as I went from my 20βs to my 30βs, working in a music store, I was able to explore different looks.
By 2004,Β there was a rollback of the piercing policy.Β Sales had been slumping thanks to downloading, and changes were made.
While girls were still allowed to keep their nose rings, guys were not. Β I was given direct instructions to remove my lip and nose piercings, immediately. Β I protested.Β βWhat about our policy? Β The policy states that facial piercings are allowed as long as we donβt go into excess, and I only have two, which is less than others.β
The response was, βI know. Β The policy was a mistake. Β Weβre changing the policy back, effective immediately.β
Our Niagara Falls store owner, Lemon Kurri Klopek, was very active in his local tattoo community, and even a tattoo shop overseas, which enabled him to tour there with his band, the Legendary Klopeks.Β He sent some reading material written by Shannon LarrattΒ my way, on why allowing piercings in the work place is good for morale and good for a unique store image. Β I left these reading materials for my boss, who βfiledβ them. Β I donβt know if he read them or not.Β My piercings grew in.
In the long run, this policy change was a good thing. Β Donβt get me wrong β it did nothing to fix sales slumps. Β It did nothing to herd in old ladies by the gaggle, to purchase Anne Murray discs. Β It did succeed inΒ making me ask questions.Β One question was, “Since I can’t have the piercings anymore, why don’tΒ I just look for a normal 9-5 job?”Β The piercings were already out, it only made sense to make a new resume and make some serious life changes.
Everybody and their little brother wanted to work in a record store. Β Why not?Β It’s the Dream Job.
For most record stores, I imagine staffing is not an issue. Β Anybody who can Google can tell you where to buy βCall Me Maybeβ, today.Β For us though, we were buying and selling used.Β We could buy 200 discs in one averageΒ day, and might have to look at 600 just to find 200 good ones to buy, plus all our staff were required to be qualified buyers. Β It was what set us apart from other stores β you didnβt have to wait for a specific person to sell your stuff. Β It would usually take up to 3 months to get a new inexperienced staff member fully trained on everything, including buying.Β Someone with experience in a record store might get there in a month or two.
Everybody was always shocked when they heard that.Β 3 months?Β What the hell did it take 3 months to teach people?Β A lot.Β A lot of kids were looking for a summer job, but thereβd be no point hiring a kid for the summer. Β If we didnβt get a year out of an employee, it wasnβt worth the training involved! Β That was a disappointment for many many kids who wanted to work with us for the summer. Β Some just lied and said they would stick around, but bailed at the end of the summer anyway.
Hereβs a brief list of things we had to tackle before we even got into buying:
Simple things like, how you approach a customer to see if they want help without being annoying.
Getting an idea of our quality standards (the highest in town)Β and policies.
Replacing cases β when and how?Β You don’t want to waste fresh cases for no reason, and we replaced hundreds a day.
Checking and cleaning the CD before selling it β then double checking again to make sure you put the right disc in the case!
Looking stuff up inventory, in multiple ways β artist, soundtrack, etc.Β This was challenging to those who could not spell/type.Β I remember training one guy who could not type “Polyphonic Spree”.Β Nope, he typed everything but.Β “Polyphonic Speer” was one memorable variation
Looking up stuff online for more information. (We had to use Allmusic but I found Google and Wiki more useful β shame that use of Google was blocked on our system for fear of “mis-use”!)
Finding that stuff on the shelves once you know itβs in stock.
Filing CDβs away in the correct sections.
How to handle overstock.
How to do the data entry of entering new titles.
How to check other stores in the chain for inventory.
How to do cash, credit and debit transactions.
How to count change properly (if you wanted to balance at night, you had to teach it)!
What to clean, when to clean it.
Cashing out β how to do it, and how to balance.
Doing all this stuff took about 3 weeks. Β There was a lot to remember without hammering them with buying CDs and all the different pricing schemes involved. When we taught our kids how to price discs and what to offer, we had a pretty good layout, but our pricing lookup in our computer system was limited in its usefulness. Β Any time a CD got reissued, it got another listing in our catalogue. Some of these reissues might have been physically identical, so for kids to figure out which discs they were looking at was very tricky.
Our computer system had no pictures and no track lists and only a limited amount of info available. Β When you get multiple versions of a disc coming in, it could get confusing. Β A listing could look like this (but without the helpful but hilarious cover art):
Ladano, Mike β LeBrainβs Greatest Hits (1995 1 CD remaster Capitol Records)
Ladano, Mike β LeBrainβs Greatest Hits (remaster reissued)
Ladano, Mike β LeBrainβs Greatest Hits (14 tracks)
Ladano, Mike β LeBrainβs Greatest Hits (2002 remaster)
Ladano, Mike β LeBrainβs Greatest Hits (bonus DVD)
Ladano, Mike β LeBrainβs Greatest Hits (original)
So imagine some guy coming in with a box of CDs, and every second or third disc you look up had that kind of info for you to sift through β all different prices too!Β And God help you if the CD was not listed in the computer and you had to make a “manual” decision!Β And lots (lots!) of great music was not in our computers.
You canβt just teach this stuff β it has to come from experience and seeing the same thing come in over and over again.
And none of that even touches on quality.Β When we looked at disc quality, we were probably the most anal store in town. Β The stuff other stores would sell as βgood conditionβ wouldnβt even make our shelves. Β This was a good thing at the point of sale, but very difficult for staff members to deal with when purchasing discs from customers.Β They had to look at:
Scratches β very carefully.Β Anything visible? Β How deep?Β Can they be buffed out?
Can you feel the scratch with a fingernail? Β If so, it cannot be buffed out without taking the chance of destroying the CD.
Top scratches β the most deadly of all scratches. Β They are on the thin top of the CD and actually cut into the aluminum.Β Cannot be fixed, but can be seen shining through bright light.
Pinholes β donβt usually effect sound quality unless massive. Β Can also be seen shining through with a bright light.
Packaging β are all elements present? Β Front cover, back cover?Β Any water damage or rips?
Is anything missing? Β For example, was it supposed to be a two CD set, but a disc is missing and case changed?
example of pinholes
And that doesnβt even factor in such things as, βHow many copies do we have? Β How many copies do our other stores have?Β Do we really need to spend time buffing scratches off a Spin Doctors disc, when another store has 4 copies? Β None of this stuff can be taught overnight.
So, when kids used to ask me for a summer job, and I would say no β this is why!Β I’m sorry I let you down back then, but there was no way I was training you on all this shit for 3 months for you to onlyΒ stay 3 months!
Even though half a decade has passed, sometimes I still get recognized from the CD store today. Just two weeks ago, I was at a lunch with some friends of my wife. One guy recognized me. βDo you still work at the CD store?β he asked as I said hello to everyone. He was an old regular. Not all regulars still recognize me. An older gentleman, Charles, my best classical customer, didn’t recognize me when he bought classical discs from my garage sale last summer.
Today, I tend to get recognized not for my face but for my name. Rather, my nickname: LeBrain.
I never mentioned how that handle came to be. After winning my umpteenth 4 Oβclock 4-play on 107.5 Dave FM, Craig Fee dubbed me with that name. βMike Ladano and his massive brainβ¦his massive LeBrain!β The nickname stuck, and that is how I became LeBrain. Next thing you know it, we had an entire “Stump LeBrain” week where I guested at the station for a week, and a full month (“LeBrainuary”) of my own 4-play quizzes.
I was first recognized in person by the owner of the local UPS store, while picking up a parcel. βAre you that guy from the radio?β he asked me. Turns out he was a fan. He’d listened to all of LeBrainuary in his store.
I was also recognized by some of the younger chaps at Sausagefest, who thought my voice was familiar. βI know that voiceβ¦is that LeBrain?β they said.
I buy a lot of stuff off eBay (you’ve seen much of it here on the blog!), and the girl at my local post office now knows me as LeBrain. She is always excited when my parcels come in. βWhatβs in this one?β she’ll ask.
βOh, that one is a rare Maiden 12β single,β Iβd say.
βCool! Thatβs awesome!β One time, she knew one of my parcels had arrived immediately, because the seller had put a Kiss sticker on the box. I walked into the post office, and she said, βI know which parcel is yours!β with an excited tone in her voice. She explained that she heard me on radio earlier as LeBrain.
So, to Post Office Girl: Sorry, I don’t even know your name. I would like to dedicate this blog to you, and my 15 minutes of fame!
I used to get recognized a lot, from the record store. Work in one place with customers for 12 years and eventually you start to see familiar faces in the streets. It was both good and bad.
For example, the bad: One time I was sitting in the mall, on my lunch break. With my face full of pizza, a man walked up to me.
“I can see you’re eating your lunch, and that’s fine. I’d like to see you later about returning a tape.” Like, dude? That couldn’t have waited?
That was a small minority of times.Β Often people that recognized you would politely ignore you, or at least be friendly about it.
Iβd be walking through the mall, and some guy would nod at me. Iβd nod back, not really knowing who the person was, but not letting on. One time I was walking through a park, and these two kids stopped. βHey look! Thatβs the guy from the CD store!β I smiled and waved sheepishly. I was a celebrity of sorts I guess?
The most common thing would be being recognized in a rival store. Often Iβd be shopping at my local HMV store, or downtown at one of the more collector-oriented places.Β I’d love it when, in another store,Β somebody wouldΒ ask me if I had a CD in stock.Β I once used a pay phone (no cell back then) to call and ask, but I’d think to myself:Β Really?Β You think I have them all memorized or something?Β
Most of the time though, it was a simple, βHey man! What are you doing here? Checking out the competition?β
While I did sometimes βcheck outβ the competition (comparing prices and selection), the main goal was always to find rare musical treasures.Β Β Besides, a lot of other record store people in town had come selling discs to me numerous times.Β Usually it was pretty friendly.Β It was better to have friends at the rival stores than enemies.Β I even had a buddy at HMV send customers my way, when he knew that something was out of print!Β So, being recognized in public as “that guy from (insert name here)” wasn’t a bad thing.
Weβd always done radio ads. Β They werenβt mindblowing, but a lot of people responded to them. Β Youβd get people calling every single week saying, βI heard your ad on the radio. Β You buy used CDs?βΒ Radio ads were also expensive,Β so obviously you wanted to hit a home run every time.
What I didnβt know is that we had a radio jingle. Β I didnβt know until I started getting prank called by kids. Β Iβd pick up the phone, hear a couple kids giggling, and then recite this jingle to me. Β Then theyβd laugh some more and hang up.Β I was perplexed. Β I had no idea what they were singing. Β
I went to one of the people in Operations. Β βThese kids just called me singing this song with our store in the words. Β What the hell was that?β
βOh thatβs our radio jingle. Β Havenβt you heard it before?β
Hell no!Β If I had Iβm sure I would have spoken my mind. Β Later on I heard the actual jingle. Β It wasnβtβ¦badβ¦it was justβ¦not good.Β Today, it still haunts my darkest dreams.
Back in the day, the boss used to always ask our opinions on our ads. Β βWhat do you think of this one?βΒ Weβd throw in our two cents. Β As the company grew we werenβt consulted anymore. Β Iβm not sure who was consulted, but it sure wasnβt us! Β We had no issues being honest, positive or negative, and maybe we just said βthat sucksβ one too many times in the past.Β Either way our opinion wasnβt sought.Β But mine sure was given after the fact. Β When kids start pranking you making fun of your jingle, thatβs probably not a good sign.
The funny thing is, Meat already came up with a much better jingle.
Him and Tom used to eat at this greasy spoon place in (I think) London. Β Tom used to say, βMan, the food here isnβt good, but itβs cheap.βΒ Meat would respond, βYeah, just think about the money you save on the food.βΒ And that turned into a jingle.
In his best Michael McDonald voice, Meat would close his eyes tight and croon, βThink about the money you saaaaaave on the food!βΒ It was hilarious.
So, the next logical step was, βThink about the money you saaaaaave on the tunes!β Β Perfect!Β
mikeladano.com 