REVIEW: Vollmer – It’s A Pleasure Doing Business (2024 vinyl release)

VOLLMER – It’s A Pleasure Doing Business (2024 Helix Records vinyl reissue)

In 1993, Helix released one of their best, most unsung albums:  It’s a Business Doing Pleasure.  It featured a more acoustic-based side of Brian Vollmer’s writing, who penned the majority of the tunes with Marc Ribler as a solo project.  At the same time, Helix guitarist Paul Hackman was writing his own set of tunes for the next Helix album.  When Paul was tragically killed in a 1992 tour bus accident, Brian had no choice but to use his solo album as the next Helix record.  This never sat well with the frontman, who felt it did not represent the hard rockin’ down n’ dirty core of Helix.  Brian said in his book Gimme An R, that the album was “a huge mistake on my part, and I take full credit for the blunder. The really sad thing about it all was that I was really proud of all those songs on the album and they were wasted because they did not fit under the Helix name.”

I occasionally differ with Brian Vollmer’s opinions on such things.  I loved the album in 1993 and it still sounds brilliant today, and not at all dated to the time.  While Helix’s new sound came as a surprise, it was not an unpleasant surprise.  In an age when every band was getting heavier to compete with grunge, Vollmer took the opposite tack, and I loved him for it.  It’s a Business Doing Pleasure was a brilliant album, “Helix” or not.  A rose by any other name…

I can understand why Vollmer chose to reissue this album under his own name, seeing as it was intended to be from the start.  To differentiate from the original, he changed the title to It’s A Pleasure Doing Business, which unfortunately loses the wink-and-nod cleverness of the original title.

Vollmer also chose to axe and replace two songs.  The closing duo of “Sleepin’ in the Doghouse Again” and “Mad Mad World” are lost, which is a real shame.  “Doghouse” featured Kim Mitchell on lead guitar, though it was the hardest and most Helix-like of the tracks.  “Mad Mad World” was just melodic brilliance, with whistling!  Two crucial songs.  They are replaced here by new recordings.  “Still Got that Look in Your Eyes” is a previously unheard track, featuring Helix members Fritz Hinz and Daryl Gray.  “Hung Over But Still Hanging In” is not a new version of a Helix deep cut from Vagabond Bones.  This seems to be a completely new song with the same title.

There are some serious unrecognized tunes of brilliant melodic composition here.  “That Day Is Gonna Come” remains a Helix pinnacle of sorts, a passionate callback to the golden years with that delicious acoustic backing.  “Tug ‘o War” is a ballad that Brian and Greg Fraser once performed live in the MuchMusic studios, and a strong one at that.  “Look Me Straight in the Heart” is a duet with Lee Aaron, that used to open side two of the album.   Another ballad, but one that really should have been a hit.  You’d think Lee and Helix on one big ballad would have set Canadian radio on fire.  “Wrong Side of Bed” has some kick, and funny lyrics.  Side one closer “Can’t Even Afford to Die” is actually upbeat, and features some brilliant twangy soloing by Ribler.

“Still Got that Look in Your Eyes” is a really decent 80’s-sounding pop rocker.  It is an awkward fit on the album, because though it suits the poppy direction of It’s A Pleasure Doing Business, the keyboards differentiate it.  It’s also played by different musicians, which the subconscious mind of the Helix fan can pick up on.  Brian’s voice is a little lower, since 30 years passed between songs.  Good tune though, perhaps even great!  It will take some getting used to in this running order.

“Trust the Feeling” is another shoulda-been classic from the original album.  Though a ballad, this album didn’t really feel like it had too many of them.  It just felt like everything fit.  Ribler plays some very nice slide parts here.  “Love Is a Crazy Game”, though…what a ballad!  There’s a rock version of it on another Helix album, but this fully acoustic version of it is flawless.  Vollmer was in peak voice, and peak songwriting.  His vocals just speak, the way only great singers can do it.  There’s plenty of acoustic excitement with the guitars too.  No drums.  The album may have been a stripped back affair in terms of rock, but not in arrangement.  There is plenty going on with percussion, vocals and acoustics to occupy the ear.

“Misery Loves Company” is a solid country rocker from the original album.  More rock than country, but the twang is undeniable and nothing wrong with that.  It has a shout-along chorus that would still do well today, if Helix ever decide to bring this gem onto the stage.

The other new song, “Hung Over But Still Hanging In”, closes the album.  It seems like only the title was re-used from Vagabond Bones.  This is a nice drinking ballad, with a bit of a kick compared to the rest of the ballads.  It matches very closely the vibe of the original album, featuring Helix guitarist Mark Chichkan on guitar,

Here’s where the constructive criticism comes in.  The original album title and font on the cover were better.  This new zoomed-in cover with the Vollmer logo on it feels…off.  The original was a piece Hugh Syme art, and the new version was re-created by Brent Doerner.  It’s hard to improve perfection, and that’s not Doctor Doerner’s fault.  I wish this album had a big Helix logo on the front cover.  The original album never had the classic Helix logo.  Imagine if this did!  There is also a laissez-faire approach to capitalising the song titles on the back cover, but it’s a gatefold cover at least.

For 30 years, this was a Helix album.  It just doesn’t feel right filing it under “V”.  (However it’s my collection and I’ll file as I please!)  Since it was intended as a solo album back in 1992, it’s logical to do a reissue under the Vollmer name.  It makes sense to add new material.  Shuffling the running order for a pleasing listening experience on vinyl is fine, but losing two songs is unfortunate.  This reissue could have been a 5/5 star bang-on wish fulfilled.  So close to the mark!

4/5 stars

#1166: A Storage Solution for Certain Promo CD Singles [VIDEO]

RECORD STORE TALES #1166: A Storage Solution for Certain Promo CD Singles

I managed a CD store for 10 years.  Storage was always a commodity to me, then and now.  As a young guy living in a small bedroom in his parents’ house, I was running out of CD space fast.  Every slot counted.  An opportunity to save some slots, by replacing a 2 CD “fat” case with a slim one, was always valuable.

There are occasional promo CD singles that were cheap on packaging because, well, it was a free handout CD given to radio stations or stores to play.  Front covers were optional.  Sometimes, singles such as these were valuable to me, for the inclusion of edit versions or other mixes that may not have been on commercially available singles or albums.

There was one storage solution I came up with to save space in my collection, and logically file these singles in an interesting way.  Have a look at the short video below.

WTF Comments: Dude g

Lemme tell you something folks…I get a lot of weird comments on my YouTube videos.  Many are religious, some are political, but the weirdest ones always seem to happen on my epic 1989 Blackie Lawless interview on the Pepsi Power Hour.

Blackie Lawless is a controversial figure, and his contentious 1989 interview is excellent for repeat viewings.  Many of the rude comments are about the interviewer, Erica Ehm, who did an incredible job.  On the other hand, this comment was so stupid that it cracked us up immediately.  Please enjoy Mungos’ two word comment about Blackie Lawless.

Sammy Hagar, UFOs, and writing books: Red On Black with Tim Durling and Jex Russell

Buy Red On Black: The Listener’s Guide to Sammy Hagar at this link.

A big thank-you to my co-host Jex Russell and special guest Tim Durling for this informative, fun and funny look at the career of Sammy Hagar.  The show was also about this new book that Tim has out about the Red Rocker.

OK, sure, the show went off the rails from time to time, but there were plenty of highlights:

  • A hilarious cold open by Jex
  • A cool 12″ single for “Heavy Metal” with two bonus tracks
  • An inside look at Tim’s process and priorities when writing this book
  • Lots of interesting opinions on Sammy and his various bands
  • Great interaction in the comments section with loads of great questions

Enjoy the show!

Show notes:

 

How do you go about asking Greg Renoff to write a forward. Just “Hey Greg…”?
Thanks for the shout out about the “late tax”.
Do you think Roth still listens to Montrose?
Have you ever heard “Sammy Hagar Weekend” by Thelonious Monster?
Regarding the “contractual obligation album”, there was a lot of information here that I was not aware of before, such as that note inside 5150 that says “Sammy’s solo albums can be found on Geffen records.” When you first notice that?
Capital Special Markets – were these only serviced to certain kinds of stores?

THE QUIZ:
Who engineered Chickenfoot III? – Mike Fraser
What is the name of the alien race that Sammy believes abducted him, and inspired many of his lyrics? – The Nine
Did the Sam & Dave actually happen, or was it just a Mandela Effect?

Red On Black: A Chat with Tim Durling about his new Sammy Hagar book on Grab A Stack of Rock – Friday Nov 22 7:00 PM EST

GRAB A STACK OF ROCK With Mike and the Mad Metal Man
Episode 79:  Red On Black: A Chat with Tim Durling on Sammy Hagar

Viewers are by now very familiar with Tim Durling and his body of work.  He needs no introduction.  But, he has a new book out, and every time that happens, we have to get Tim back on the show to talk about it.  The subject this time is Sammy Hagar.  We’ll run through Montrose, his solo career, HSAS, Van Halen, Chickenfoot and all the rest.

Co-hosting tonight is Jex Russell.  Just because we’re all pals, don’t expect a softball interview.  We’ll be testing Tim tonight.  There’s Only One Way To Rock, but tonight we’ll be showing you some new ways of doing an interview.

This will be live, so don’t hesitate to join the chat and ask a question!  You’ve got to give to live, so give us your questions!

Friday November 22 at 7:00 P.M. E.S.T. / 8:00 P.M. Atlantic.   Enjoy on YouTube or on Facebook!

#1165: Zero the Hero (The True Story of My Favourite Album of All Time)

RECORD STORE TALES #1165:  Zero the Hero
The True Story of My Favourite Album of All Time

1984.

It wasn’t I that owned Born Again by Black Sabbath.  That would have been Bob Schipper, who had all manners of metal in his cassette collection.  I knew very little about Black Sabbath when I first discovered music at the end of 1984.  Though Ian Gillan was not the lead singer by the time I became interested in bands like Black Sabbath, he was for all intents and purposes the lead singer to me.  Magazine coverage of Black Sabbath goings-on were beyond my reach, and this would be the last Sabbath album for a few years anyway.  To me, Black Sabbath were:  the two guys with the moustaches, the guy with the long black hair, and the drummer…who looked completely different in the music video for “Zero The Hero” than he did on the Born Again cassette cover.  How was I to know that original Sabbath drummer Bill Ward had been replaced by a guy named Bev Bevan?  I was just starting out on my rock journey.  I had the puzzle pieces in my hands, but no picture to guide the assembly.

It all started when Bob came over one day raving about this song called “Zero the Hero”.  “You gotta hear it!  It goes, ‘Whatcha gonna be, whatcha gonna be, Zero the Hero!'”  Bob was right that the chorus was pretty cool and memorable.  The effects on Gillan’s voice on the chorus lent it a metallic sheen.  He let me borrow the tape a bit to listen.  I enjoyed it.  Master of Reality was another one we listened to together.  He liked a song called “Children of the Grave”, especially the spooky outro.  Born Again had some spooky stuff on it too.  This would come in handy a little later on.

As I discovered bands, I tended to hear the stuff that most popular in my own neighborhood.  W.A.S.P., Iron Maiden, Kiss, Judas Priest, Van Halen, ZZ Top.  I heard some of The Police as well, but my closest friends were rockers.  Metal heads.  There was a serious division in music back then:  Heavy Metal vs. New Wave.  You couldn’t like both.  To us, everything that wasn’t metal was “New Wave”.  If you liked Corey Hart, you were a “Waver”.  If you liked Tears For Fears, you were a “Waver”.  In our neighborhood, you didn’t want to be a Waver.   Basically a Waver would be a slur along the lines of “gay” or whatever the kids were saying back then.  I remember “hurtin’ eunuch” was a phrase that kids like Jeff Brooks would throw around at kids like me.

Anyway, I threw myself into metal full-time and counted Black Sabbath as one of the bands I liked.  I didn’t own any Black Sabbath, but I could name two songs that I liked.  I think Ozzy Osbourne had something to do with the band, and that singer with the black hair was also in Deep Purple.  I was learning.  I didn’t know his name, and I didn’t realize that Ronnie James Dio was also in Black Sabbath (mind blown there) but I was piecing that puzzle together.  I had a few of the edges together, and now I would work on the body:  collecting the music.

In the mid-80s, Bob and I were too old for going trick or treating at Halloween time.  Instead we gave out candy at Bob’s house.  We wanted to go all out and really make a cool “haunted house”, and for that you needed sound effects.  Instead of spending valuable allowance money on one of those corny Halloween tapes, we made our own.  We did this by looping the scary bits of Black Sabbath songs.  Bob especially liked that haunting whisper at the end of “Children of the Grave”.  We made loops, maybe 10 of them, adding in our own bits via an external microphone.  Then we would loop “The Dark” a few times, until the side was full.  Bob would go home and eat lunch, and come back later that afternoon to work on more Halloween stuff.  We were very resourceful and creative.  To this day I have never used pre-made Halloween sounds.  I always made my own by looping bits of songs.  It worked.  Kids would either go straight to our house for candy like a bee to honey…or they would run past terrified!

[Bob and I learned from this experience when a young girl cried at our house.  If we saw anyone really really little approaching, we would kill the sounds and turn on the lights.  It wasn’t our goal to make kids cry.]

I managed to record the music video from the Pepsi Power Hour one afternoon.  I called Bob over to watch it with me.  It was (and remains) one of the weirdest things I’ve ever seen in my life.  A Frankenstein looking guy and a Franken-Hitler guy appear to be resurrecting a dead body as…a nerd?  They force fed him eggs with ketchup, while he grinned the whole way through.  Then, a horse walked backwards down a flight of stairs in a mansion.  Meanwhile, scenes of the band playing live were cut in, and you could hardly see Gillan’s face.  It was weird…and heavy.  We hated it.  But I loved it.

Finally one day in highschool I said to myself, “Why the heck haven’t I taped Born Again off Bob Schipper yet?”  I wanted that song “Zero the Hero”.  I popped over one afternoon and borrowed it.  I put it in deck “A” of my Sanyo dual deck ghetto blaster, with a Maxell blank 60 in “B”.  I hit “dub” and began recording.  For whatever reason (and I tried a couple times), I could not get a good copy of that tape.  It wasn’t the best blaster in the world that I was using, but there was so much warble in the copies I made, I got fed up.  I called Bob and asked if I could just buy the tape from him.  I knew it wasn’t in regular rotation at his house.  He said “OK” and I gave him $2 or $3 for it.

I was finally able to listen to Born Again properly.  I liked a few songs such as “Trashed”, “Disturbing the Priest”, “Born Again” and “Keep It Warm”.  It played better on my Walkman, so that’s where most of my listening happened.  That meant it was often on the way to the cottage, or at the cottage, where I used my Walkman most.

I don’t know when Born Again became my favourite album of all time.  I really don’t.  The tape grew on me through the years, but the poor quality of that old WEA cassette made listening hard.  It probably elevated to “among my favourites” when T-Rev found me a vinyl copy in 1995, a full decade since I first became acquainted with it.  A decent CD reissue followed a few years later, and then it hit serious heavy rotation.

Keep it warm, rat:  I love this album for all its flaws and overreaching.  It brings me back to that bedroom, dubbing scary music with Bob.  It brings me back to listening on my Walkman at the cottage at night.  It brings me back to that place where I escaped all the bullies and teachers, and was alone with my own imagination.

Yes, Born Again is my favourite album of all time.  I play it more often than I should, sometimes twice in a row.  No remix or reissue could make me love this album more.  I am Born Again!

The Contrarians Live: This album cover is HELL! – Tonight at 7:00 PM EST!

Doing the live Contrarian chats on Wednesday nights has been great fun.  I will keep going with these as long as I’m welcome and as long as I don’t burn out.  For those keeping track, this is my sixth week in a row on the Contrarians.  The subjects thus far have been:

For this week, Hell and the Underworld, I am going straight metal.  No deviations.  We’ll see what the other guys bring.  Check out the show tonight, live at 7:00 PM.

THE CONTRARIANS – Album covers featuring Hell and the Underworld  – Wed. Novermber 20 – 7:00 PM EST

#1164: It’s Not Personal: An Uncle Paul Story

RECORD STORE TALES #1164: It’s Not Personal: An Uncle Paul Story

Jen and I have withstood a lot of funerals over the years.  Some were really great tributes to the people we lost.  Others, less so.

When Jen’s mom died, she wanted a Catholic funeral, so of course we obliged.  Jen and I are both what you might call “lapsed Catholics”.  We were both baptised, but stopped practising the faith decades ago.  While preparing for Jen’s mom’s funeral, we were asked if we were Catholics.  Not sure how to respond while still getting Jen’s mom the funeral she wanted, we both answered yes.  Father Imperial (yes, that was his name) knew we were lying.  We had separated the ashes into two urns – a big no no.  Catholics believe you can only get into heaven if your ashes are in one urn.  (Yay dogma!)  His disappointment was visible when nobody in the church knew the responses to the Catholic service.  We did our best, but that was not a good funeral for us.

We had Uncle Paul’s funeral in 2023, but the pressure wasn’t on us this time.  I was asked to be a casket bearer, but I used my gammy right arm as an excuse not to do it.  (I’m glad I didn’t; I watched the casket being carried down stairs and over headstones, and I could not have done it.)  We just sat in the church and paid our respects.  The funeral wasn’t very personal.  In most of the other funerals we’d done, the pastor asked for stories and personality traits that he could read during the service.  Those were good funerals.  People laughed, people cried, people shared memories.  Uncle Paul’s wasn’t like that.  It was very impersonal.  It could have been for anybody.

11 months later, there was a memorial service for people lost in the last two months of 2023.  It was the same priest presiding, and Uncle Paul was to have a candle lit in his name.  We all decided to attend the memorial mass.

We weren’t familiar with the area and had to park six blocks away.  The church was packed and we were not able to sit together.  We sat and did the things you do at a Catholic mass.  You stand, you kneel, you stand, you kneel.  Our kneeling bench wasn’t working, so that was awkward.

Finally they started reading the names of the people lost, so a candle could be lit in their name.  It wasn’t alphabetical, so we just listened and waited to hear Uncle Paul’s name.

“Paul Laderno,” said the priest.  The same priest who presided over his funeral.

“They didn’t even say his name right!” I whispered to my mom next to me.  I didn’t care if anyone heard me.  I was very upset.

How hard is it to say our name?  I now had a new variation to add to our long list of mispronunciations.  It felt so impersonal.  It felt like nobody cared, except us.  A real disservice to a great man, who was indeed a man of faith.  He deserved better.  “Laderno”.  Normally I’m the one to see the humour in things, but I didn’t this time.

We had a nice visit with my Aunt Maria after the service.  That made up for the disappointing mass.

Uncle Paul’s resting place is now capped with a stone, a marker so cool it deserves to be shared here.  This is the kind of memorial he deserves.  On the back, a crisp picture of his beloved vintage ‘Cuda.  A Blue Jay logo sits in a corner, waiting for my Aunt one day.   This is closer to how I’ll remember him.  Always there for his cars and my aunt.

We don’t often talk about cemeteries and headstones being cool…but my uncle’s is cool.

 

 

 

 

THREE-VIEW: Ratt – Out of the Cellar (1984, 2024 40th Anniversary edition)

RATT – Out of the Cellar (1984 Atlantic, 2024 40th Anniversary edition)

Shame, shame, shame on Ratt.

In 2020 they released a beautiful Atlantic Years box set, featuring bonus tracks including one for Out of the Cellar.  In 2024, they coughed up Ratt Rarities, with a bunch of unreleased Ratt tracks.  And now, mere months later, we are given another reissue of Out of the Cellar, this one featuring lenticular cover art and one more unreleased Ratt song.  This song could have been released on a 7″ single on its own, but if you want that, you have to buy the vinyl album all over again.  If you want the unreleased song on CD, you have to buy Out of the Cellar one more time.  I believe this is my fourth or fifth copy of Out of the Cellar now.  This is just exploitative of the fans.  Pearcy must need another swimming pool.

Is the one song worth re-buying the album again?  Fortunately the answer is yes.  “Reach For the Sky” is a 1983 Cellar demo written by Stephen Pearcy, Robbin Crosby, and Marq Torien of Bulletboys.  It sounds remarkably finished.  The guitar harmonies feel very latter-day Thin Lizzy, upon which the guys build a pretty cool song.  Though not as slick as Cellar, it sounds fully produced and ready to release.  Amazing that songs like this can remain buried for 40 years, and was never resurrected for an album even though the title was used in 1988 for the album Reach For the Sky.  While this one song didn’t warrant an entire album re-release, at least we got it.

The album itself remains solid four decades after the fact.  Opening with cowboy themed “Wanted Man”, the five Ratt Rodents were off to a compelling start.  The disorienting sound of backwards drums heralds in “Wanted Man” is an inventive way to make their introduction.  A simple, slow, chomping riff is menacing enough, while Stephen Pearcy growls though various Western metaphors.  “By the road, you will hang, it’s your neck from this Ratt gang.”  The capable harmonies of the band and especially Juan Crocier help nail the melodies that Pearcy alone can’t.  Nice solo work.  A great track worthy of a multiplatinum album.

“You’re In Trouble” is a little different.  Juan’s clunky bass still sounds a bit out of place, though the choruses rule.  But “Round and Round”?  Still a total sleaze rock triumph.  A keen sense of melody, rhythm and vibe mixed together with a sweaty Stephen Pearcy.  Brilliant solo work from Warren DeMartini, and perfectly layered harmonies under the production of Beau Hill.  Every element punches, from the simple but memorable riff and those echoey choruses.  Dated to the period, but tasty for all ages.

A nice choppy guitar bodes well on “In Your Direction”, a slinky number that serves Stephen’s style well.  Decent song, but with only one trick.  “She Wants Money” is more fun, a fast upbeat blast on a familiar theme, with Robbin “King” Crosby on lead guitar.  It’s hard not to headbang along with the melodic fun of “She Wants Money”.  That ended side one on the original record.

The second side opens “Lack of Communication”, a biting track just missing one key ingredient:  a real chorus.  The saw-like riff smokes, the verses are great, but it never resolves into a definitive hook.  It’s basically just the riff with some words over it.  “Lack of communication, back off!”

“Back For More” is a little disjointed but salvages it with a killer chorus.  Screamin’ Pearcy and the rodent choir give it the final polish.  Brilliant solo work here by Warren.  Then, one of the best non-singles is the blazing fast “The Morning After”.  It has a bit of a Quiet Riot vibe.  Juan’s bass is furious while Pearcy sings it for melody.  “I’m Insane” is mindless fun; just bad boy rock with the popular “I’m crazy” theme that their pal Ozzy was milking for millions.  Finally the album closes on “Scene of the Crime” which has a neat guitar hook that unfortunately is all but unrelated to the rest of the song.  Some cool melodies with the patented Ratt harmonies here.  Still, solid enough song that if they had been looking for another single, it could have been “Scene of the Crime”.

This reissue doesn’t have any additional packaging or liner notes besides the new lenticular cover.  The lenticular art  is nice, but it’s not solidly anchored to the packaging.  It feels like a symbol for the half-arsed nature of this reissue.

3.5/5 stars

#1163: Not A Review of the Movie ‘Elf’ (2003)

RECORD STORE TALES #1163: Not A Review of the Movie ‘Elf’

December 2004 was a low point. My mental and probably physical health too were…not good. I was managing two record stores against my wishes. I was in charge of the Beat Goes On on Highland Road, and Oakville. Oakville was supposed to be somebody else’s store, a franchise. Well, things went from bad to worse and I found myself driving to Oakville every day for many weeks in November and December, in a car that was not long for the grave.  I was going to work, coming home, drinking red wine and going to bed.  It was a cycle of endless days and weekends too.

My boss took me aside; had a meeting with me behind closed doors.

“Mike, I noticed you’re not doing well with the whole Oakville thing.”

There was no such thing as mental health time off in my world.  I wouldn’t have known you could do that.  Could you, in 2003?

My boss suggested that I use the commute time to listen to “old cassettes that you haven’t played in a while.  That could be fun for you.”

That’s when I learned that listening to Winger when you’re stuck in 401 traffic isn’t actually all that fun.

I took a break one afternoon in Oakville and walked over to some crappy store that sold everything from soda pop to small appliances.  I saw Elf on the racks, the Christmas movie starring Will Ferrell as…an elf.  I was skeptical.  I heard mixed things.  But I was in a shitty headspace and I needed a pick-me-up.  Retail therapy.  Elf and a soda pop went into my shopping bag. I may have even bought a bag of chips.

I had Sunday off, and I watched Elf in my pajamas that morning.  And I laughed.  I was immediately enthused because the beginning reminded me very much of Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer, what with the animation and the snowman.  I was also following Jon Favreau’s directorial career with great interest.  Peter Billingsley was in the movie.  I truthfully loved it from day one.  I still love it.

My dad on the other hand calls Will Ferrell “that annoying guy” because of this movie.

I remember wrapping Christmas presents with my mother in law Debbie while watching Elf.  I don’t really know if she liked it or not, but she liked watching it with me.  I think she liked a lot of it.  James Caan.  Mary Steenbergen.  Bob Newhart.  These are fantastic actors, and James Caan provided that “realistic” perspective that an absurd movie like this needs.  To sum:  Buddy the Elf (Ferrell) realizes he’s too tall to be an elf, and then Papa Elf (Newhart) finally tells him the truth:  his parents were human, and James Caan is his dad, and he lives in New York City.  And so off Buddy the Elf walks from the North Pole all the way to New York in order to meet his real dad.  Chaos ensues of the culture shock variety.  James Caan, as the biological father thrust into this situation, is the point of view the audience needs to make it work.  The scenes with he and Buddy are often some of the best.  Having said that, there is a badass snowball fight in Central Park, and some great singing from Zoey Deschanel, who doesn’t seem to question the weirdness of this elf guy who’s falling for her.  (Look for a cameo by Tenacious D’s Kyle Gass.)

Wonderful movie in my opinion, with clever use of perspective to make Buddy tower over his elf kin.  Hilarious performances by Peter Dinklage, Faizon Love, and Leon Redbone as the snowman.  Family friendly fun.

So, I thought, “I’ll buy this for Grandma for Christmas.  She enjoys light movies that make her smile.”  I was basing this on a years-before viewing of Ernest Saves Christmas that she enjoyed with us.  And I don’t know if she ever watched Elf.  I asked her a few days later.

“I don’t think I got it Michael,” she said.  “I fell asleep, and when I woke up, it was still the same scene playing.”

She was watching the animated DVD menu.

I didn’t buy Grandma movies for Christmas after that!