NOTE: Because of the three Top 15 on the 15th posts today, there will be no posting for Wednesday. A directory to all the Top 15 on the 15th posts can be found here. Browse them all!
Getting More Tale #433.9 presents: A worldwide online event! THE TOP 15 ON THE 15th – Guest shot by Iron Tom Sharpe
Latest to throw his hat into the Top 15 on the 15th ring is Iron Tom Sharpe, Meaford’s Greatest Athlete. One of the most knowledgeable rock fans in the country, Iron Tom is a national treasure. He is a former Record Store owner, and one of the Jedi masters who instructed me.
His message to me upon completion of his list: “Fuck that was tough…and I know I left off some big ones…I just know it…Ah fuck, The D! Max!”
There may be no Tenacious D, and there may be no Max Webster. But here is one kick-ass #Top15onthe15th.
15. The Sword – Warp Riders
14. Metallica – Master of Puppets
13. Deep Purple – Perfect Strangers
12. Frank Zappa – Bongo Fury
11. Led Zeppelin – Physical Graffiti
10.Kyuss – Sky Valley
9. Van Halen – Fair Warning
8. Willie Nelson – Phases and Stages
7. Yes – Close to the Edge
6. Iron Maiden – Powerslave
5. Fu Manchu – The Action Is Go
4. Steve Earle – I Feel Alright
3. Marillion – Misplaced Childhood
2. Queen – Queen II
1. Rush – Moving Pictures
Almost made it:
Orange Goblin – Time Traveling Blues
Crosby Stills & Nash – CSN
Pink Floyd – Animals
Motorhead – Another Perfect Day
Black Sabbath – Heaven and Hell
And finally…an extra bonus. Iron Tom’s Top 5 Live!
Getting More Tale #433.5 presents: A worldwide online event! THE TOP 15 ON THE 15th – Guest shot by Uncle Meat
This is an event spanning many sites and writers in the World Wide Web. I will link to as many as possible; my own Top 15 can be found here. A few months ago, the challenge was thrown down to all comers: List your top 15 albums of all time! The date September 15 was chosen for the deadline.
Uncle Meat laboured hard on his Top 15, eventually whittling it down from a list of 31 great records*. Without any commentary, here they are. His only requirement: No live albums.
15.Rust in Peace – Megadeth
14. Screaming For Vengeance – Judas Priest
13.Little Earthquakes – Tori Amos
12.Close to the Edge – Yes
11.Consolers of the Lonely – The Raconteurs
10.Clutching at Straws – Marillion
9.Reign in Blood – Slayer
8.Operation: Mindcrime – Queensryche
7.Whale Music – The Rheostatics
6.Misplaced Childhood – Marillion
5.Moving Pictures – Rush
4.Roxy and Elsewhere – Frank Zappa and the Mothers of Invention
3. Pet Sounds – The Beach Boys
2.Hemispheres – Rush
1.El Corazón – Steve Earle
* For shits and giggles, here are the rest of The Meat’s albums that didn’t make the final cut.
Oh, how I loathe lists! Readers seem to love “Top Whatever” lists; different kinds, but I sure do hate making them.
However, I don’t like doing things in half-measures either. So for this, the Top 15 on the 15th, I’ve gone one step beyond. Not only do you get my Top 15 on the 15th, but also a list of the Top 15 tracks to listen to from these 15 amazing albums.
As of today, here are my Top 15. These will change periodically, probably tomorrow, and again the day after. See why I hate lists? In the end I decided that I wanted to fairly represent some of my favourite artists. But enough whining from me — let’s rock. Spin these little bastards for a good time!
15. Judas Priest – Hell Bent for Leather (Killing Machine)
14. Max Webster – A Million Vacations
13. Queen – News of the World
12. Alice Cooper – School’s Out
11. The Beatles – The Beatles (The White Album)
10.Thin Lizzy – Johnny the Fox
9. Led Zeppelin – Houses of the Holy
8. Johnny Cash – At San Quentin
7.Faith No More – Angel Dust
6. Rush – Moving Pictures
5.Van Halen – 1984
Let’s stop here for a moment. The thing about my top albums list is, the top four never change. Four of these five albums have been in my top five for a long as I can remember making lists for. The order may change, but that top four have been my top four, forever. They are indelibly heat-stamped onto my grey matter. These are as much a part of me as my left arm!
4.Iron Maiden – Piece of Mind
3. Kiss – Hotter Than Hell
2.Deep Purple – Fireball
1.Black Sabbath – Born Again
Right there are 15 incredible collections of music, both studio and live. But let’s not fool ourselves. Nobody is going to listen to all 15 of those albums just because some guy on the internet who goes by the name of “LeBrain” said so. I have chosen to distill these 15 amazing records down into 15 key tracks. I’m sure nobody needs an introduction to the big hits, so here are tracks you may not have heard. If you have ever cared about rock music, then you need to listen to these Top 15 Songs from the Top 15 Albums, on the 15th!
1. Rush – “Vital Signs”
2. Black Sabbath – “Disturbing the Priest”
3. Queen – “It’s Late”
4. Iron Maiden – “Where Eagles Dare”
5. The Beatles – “Dear Prudence”
6. Johnny Cash – “San Quentin”
“If any of the guards are still speakin’ to me, can I get a glass of water?”
7. Led Zeppelin – “The Ocean”
8. Thin Lizzy – “Massacre”
9. Alice Cooper – “Gutter Cat vs. the Jets”
10. Deep Purple – “Fools”
11. Iron Maiden – “Revelations”
12. Judas Priest – “The Green Manalishi (With the Two-Pronged Crown)”
13. Alice Cooper – “My Stars”
14. Queen – “Spread Your Wings”
15. Deep Purple – “No No No”
Astute readers will realize that one singer appears on two albums. Ian Gillan was fronting Black Sabbath in ’83 for Born Again, and of course is best known as Deep Purple’s lead howler. Does this double appearance make Ian Gillan the greatest rock vocalist of all time? No. But the greatest does appear, with Queen on News of the World – Freddie Mercury!
Part two of a Bon Jovi two parter! For the last instalment, 1984’s Bon Jovi, click here.
BON JOVI – 7800° Fahrenheit (1985 Polygram, 2012 special edition)
Sophomore slump? Bon Jovi’s first record didn’t set the world alight, but their second, 7800° Fahrenheit sounded like they’d run out of material. It had a darker overall vibe, but managed to go gold in the US. To this day, 7800° Fahrenheit remains an inconsistent listen with a few great songs and a number of pure filler.
Although I was backtracking through their catalogue after Slippery When Wet, I was decidedly disappointed with 7800° Fahrenheit. Based on the excellently fun single and video “In and Out of Love”, it wasn’t unreasonable to expect more. That song was a blast, quality-wise sounding like a Slippery also-ran. It’s the only tune that periodically shows up on Bon Jovi hits albums. This remastered edition also has a smoking live version of the tune (from Tokyo), featuring an extended jam and guitar solo by Richie Sambora, before Tico Torres gets the spotlight for a drum solo! It’s a 12 minute track total, not the kind of thing you expect in a bonus track.
“Tokyo Road”, another hard rocker, is also worthy of praise. Japan was about the only place Bon Jovi were big. I could do without the boring “Sakura” intro though. Wow, does that thing get old fast. Otherwise, “Tokyo Road” is superfine. Jon seems to find these songs embarrassing today. They were certainly not very sophisticated lyrically, but neither is “When you breathe, I wanna be the air for you.”
Also on the better side are “The Price of Love” and “The Hardest Part is the Night”. Every good Bon Jovi has to contain a few heartbroken rockers. These two do the job while retaining an edge of toughness. Having Richie Sambora unfettered on axe sure does help. I’ll also admit a fondness for the single/video “Only Lonely”. Bon Jovi captured that tone of desperation. This rock ballad also appears as a live bonus track, much tougher and stronger than the studio version. It sounds like possibly a rehearsal tape.
“Only Lonely” had a pretty high budget music video for a band of Bon Jovi’s stature. It’s cheesy as hell and absolutely hilarious to watch today. So serious! It almost appears like a trailer in some kind of Bon Jovi movie. I guess Jon was interested in acting even back then.
7800° Fahrenheit was also plagued with its fair share of filler, leading to believe that Bon Jovi really only had half the material needed for a good second album. Among the filler: “Silent Night”, one of the sappiest of the sappy ballads from early Bon Jovi. It does work in clinical studies* as a sleep aid, if you need that sort of thing.
The last three albums tracks in a row were all pretty dozy and unremarkable, rendering the second side a limp finish. “Always Run to You”, “To the Fire”, and “Secret Dreams” as as forgettable as they are substandard. This second side has always made 7800° Fahrenheit a hard album to want to finish listening to in its entirety. The only interesting bit of trivia about these songs is that drummer Tico Torres only had one co-writing credit in Bon Jovi history, and it’s on “Secret Dreams”.
I don’t need to tell you that whatever slump Bon Jovi were in, they certainly overcame it by the next album. With a little help of course: names such as Desmond Child, Bruce Fairbairn, and Bob Rock. 7800° Fahrenheit is a forgettable blip in their trajectory.
BON JOVI – Bon Jovi(1984 Polygram, 2012 special edition)
With Bon Jovi sucking quite a lot of ass lately, there has never been a better time to go back and check out some old Bon Jovi. Join us in taking a look at the band’s very first LP, Bon Jovi from 1984. It didn’t do much in terms of sales. The music videos are kind of funny to look at today. But there is an honesty and innocence to early Bon Jovi, that is completely gone from the band now. Then, they were five hungry guys trying to make it together. Today they’re three guys — one boss and two employees. Today we will look at the 2012 reissue, with four live bonus tracks. This is notable since Bon Jovi rarely if ever played these songs after they hit it big.
Jon Bongiovi had been working at Power Station recording studios, having got a job there thanks to his cousin Tony Bongiovi. Several demos from that era have been released on compilations such as Jon Bon Jovi – The Power Station Years. The studio time evolved into a band with a record deal. They soon set down to record nine songs for their debut album to be called Tough Talk, however the label convinced them a self titled debut was the way to go.
The first track and single was actually an older song: “Runaway”. JBJ had a local hit with it, which he recorded with the “All Star Review”, five local studio guys. Among them was bassist Huey McDonald, who later went on to play bass with Bon Jovi themselves. It’s an instantly catchy rock song leaning heavily on keyboards. Even from this early track you can tell that young Jon Bon Jovi had a hell of a talent for writing catchy hooks. The immaculate backing vocals are obviously not those of Richie Sambora. Just wait until Jon goes for the high notes at the end though!
It was 1984, the peak of the “post-apocalyptic wasteland” setting for music videos.
Moving on to “Roulette”, we now get a song that is a little harder-edged. Richie has a chunky guitar riff that gives the song some weight. Jon pours it all on, and it’s clear even on this first album that Sambora was a serious talent. His style has evolved considerably over the years, but at this stage he was already capable of writing great songs with memorable guitar solos.
“She Don’t Know Me” was also a single, but this one has not aged so well. Sounding like a New Jersey version of the lighter side of Journey, “She Don’t Know Me” is a lil’ too sappy for most adults. It’s not terrible but “She Don’t Know Me” is just too heavy on the syrup. It is at least upbeat, with a Sambora solo right out of the Neal Schon book of tricks!
“Shot Through the Heart” is a forgotten song, since its title was used as in the chorus of “You Give Love a Bad Name”. This is a hard rock heartbreak, the kind of thing Jon does so well. The balance comes from Sambora. Without him, there’s no edge. He brings a very special guitar quality to the table, not to mention songwriting.
The first Bon Jovi album’s biggest weakness is an over-reliance on sad sounding love songs. “Love Lies” is another one, a dusky piano based ballad. David Bryan (known here as David Rashbaum) co-wrote it with Jon, and like all the other tunes it does have quality to it. It’s just too much heartbreak for one side of vinyl.
“Breakout”, also written by Rashbaum, is a hard enough rocker to open side two. Jon has found some backbone, telling his ex that he’s “better off on my own”. That’s better, Jon! Let’s stay strong buddy, and crank out a rocker. “Burning for Love” continues the hot streak. Now we’re cooking with gas. Richie really nails it on the axe. Then is a song called “Come Back”. You might expect by the title that Jon has lost his balls again. Thankfully, his pal Richie is there to keep him standing. “Come Back” is a bit of a broken-hearted rocker, but Sambora’s pick scrapes keep it rock and roll.
One last rocker was all you needed to call it an album back then. Of all the songs on Bon Jovi, “Get Ready” sounds the most like what Bon Jovi would become famous for: good time rock music! Guitar, piano, bass and drums: that’s all you need for a rock and roll party. This really sounds like Bon Jovi.
That’s a pretty solid debut album right there, for a band in Bon Jovi’s league. I have no idea why they (he) won’t play so many of these songs anymore. They’re better than most of the stuff he’s been putting out lately. And we still have the four bonus tracks to discuss.
The four live songs come from various shows, 1984-1988. Each is heavier than its studio counterpart. “Runaway” benefits from the full band treatment, as opposed to the studio cats. Having Richie there singing it with Jon makes all the difference. (This is not the same version as the B-side from “Lay Your Hands On Me”.) “Roulette” is a solid inclusion. “Breakout” keeps it rolling, but you gotta love that “Get Ready” was also included, ending the album as it always has.
3.5/5 stars
2010 Special Edition bonus tracks
1. “Runaway (Live Le Zenith, November 20, 1988)”
2. “Roulette (Live BBC Friday Rock Show)”
3. “Breakout (Live Super Rock ’84)”
4. “Get Ready (Live Japan Tour 1985)”
DEF LEPPARD – On Through the Night(1980 Phonogram)
A bright young Mike in grade 11,
During the glorious 80’s,
Needed new music to feel like heaven,
To woo some lovely young ladies.
In 1980 Def Leppard came out,
With the LP On Through the Night,
It is heavy with screams and plenty shouts,
It makes me feel alright alright alright.
“Hello America”! It’s the “Rock Brigade”!
I played these singles on my ghetto blaster,
Unpolished – but the tunes made the grade,
Heavy ones like “Answer to the Master”.
Producer was Tom Allom of Judas Priest fame,
A heavy raw album he did record,
Leppard had not yet joined the hit game,
No big tricks on the electronic soundboard.
“It Could Be You” rocking out to this one,
Reckless abandon with axes ablaze,
“Wasted” blasts you like a shotgun,
Nothing left to see but a smokey haze.
Sophistication will not be found anywhere,
Maybe a little on the closer “Overture”,
Loud guitars drums blasting and long hair,
For your metal sickness this is the cure.
On Through the Night straight into battle,
Leppard hit the launching pad hard,
With the New Wave of British Heavy Metal,
The Lep became leaders of the new guard.
The story continues today as Leppard survive,
Still prowling the concert stage all over the world,
Fans clamour to hear these old song lives,
And so on Viva Hysteria, “Wasted” was unfurled.
This is but the seed that would grow into a beast,
The mere beginning of something great,
Pick up this record at the very least,
You will find it is very difficult to hate.
RECORD STORE TALES MkII: Getting More Tale #432: The Complaint Department
When I run out of fresh things to talk about, that’s when it’s time to go digging through the LeBrain HQ archives! This time I’ve retrieved some comments from the Complaint Department!
Complaint #1: “You don’t review enough new releases!”
Yes, yes I know. This is a rut I’m stuck in. I like to spend some serious alone time with an album before I’m comfortable releasing a full-on review. By the time I get the album (usually a Japanese import or whatever version has bonus tracks) and give it a fair listen, it’s rarely a new release anymore! I prefer to review a physical CD whenever possible. This is so I can read the lyrics, the liner notes, and show you pictures of the physical product. It’s also so I can hear it in full CD quality sound.
I’d love if more contributors would step up and review some new releases for me. Unfortunately most of my former contributors now write for their own sites! Think you have what it takes to put your opinion on the internet for no money and no recognition? Drop me a line!
Complaint #2: “How come you haven’t reviewed any Creed?”
This is being worked on. Watch this space.
Complaint #3: “You post articles just to poke the bear.”
This is partly true. When I have something negative to say about music, I try to do it in a funny way. Well, you know about the internet and humour — sometimes things can be taken the wrong way. (I know you’re surprised.) Plus, I’m not that funny. If I’m out of line, you can go ahead and tell me so. Let’s have some friendly, adult musical discussions. When I’m on a roll, it’s just for a laugh and so we have something to discuss, so let’s do it! Just keep it civil. No name calling.
Complaint #4: “In your Record Store Tales, you make yourself out to be the hero of the story and everyone else like buffoons. Then, you made yourself the victim at the end.”
Really? You think the guy who shit his pants in the store is the hero and not a buffoon himself? Well OK then! I can’t help how people read the stories with their own interpretation. I was no hero, I was a big zero. Zero the Hero! I messed up too, quite royally in some cases, like the time some kid stole our “free CD” stamper on my watch. All of this was on my performance reviews. They transferred me from one store to another because my sales were way down and I was having problems controlling my staff. I don’t think the bosses were buffoons. How could I knock somebody who has created a business that has lasted 25 years and counting? I just think I was taken advantage of, after years of being the nice-guy yes-man. Spoogecakes used to refer to me as the owner’s “lackey”, but nobody wants to be the lackey forever. I have admitted that I was depressed and despondent in the last years. If I have committed any sins, it’s that I didn’t assert myself, or get out of there sooner. That’s my fault. I was too afraid of my bosses to stand up for myself.
Complaint #5: “You talk about heavy metal too much, and not enough about other great artists that you may be missing out on.”
True! I write what I know best, but we do need to get more variety of quality music up here. We need to get more artists represented, although I’ve covered a sampling of country, jazz and and classical before. This is a challenge I accept. Look forward to more branching out in the future!
AEROSMITH – Nine Lives (1997 Columbia, European version)
By popular demand, here is a look at Aerosmith’s Nine Lives, an often overlooked and sometimes forgotten record overshadowed by bigger hits.
Aerosmith were in trouble. In 1995, after completing a massive amount of work to support Get a Grip and Big Ones, drummer Joey Kramer suffered a nervous breakdown. It was a traumatic experience for the musician, who had conquered his drug demons long ago and thought he was otherwise healthy. Aerosmith went ahead with new producer Kevin Shirley, replacing longtime collaborator Bruce Fairbairn who was busy with Van Halen, The Cranberries, and INXS. A session drummer (Steve Ferrone) filled in, with the intention that when Joey returned, they could finish the album with him. Kramer did return, perhaps stronger than ever, and re-recorded all of Ferrone’s drums himself. According to Joey, it made all the difference to him, to make the album sound like Aerosmith.
Although the first single, “Falling in Love (Is Hard on the Knees)” was pretty blasé, the album itself is very strong. I liked it all but immediately, bought it, and then bought it again when I found the European version with the bonus track “Falling Off”. The domestic version was “enhanced” for PC use, with some kind of game where you could play along to Aerosmith songs. I never even tried that, and I ditched the original when I found the European version. I found it in Calgary, Alberta, of all places.
A raucous opening is what you need to set the scene, and “Nine Lives” fits the bill. That’s Joey on drums alright, as he has this steady, heavy beat that is quintessentially Joey Kramer. There’s Tyler, vintage sassy and welcoming you to the party. Over on guitar, Brad Whitford and Joe Perry are sounding brilliant thanks to some crunchy, crisp production from Kevin Shirley. As always Tom Hamilton on the bass isn’t afraid to play all over the neck without getting in the way. In other words, for all appearances, Aerosmith were as strong as ever.
Listening to the dreadfully titled “Falling in Love (Is Hard on the Knees)” again reminds me that I never disliked the song. It was only the title (and the video directed by Michael Bay) I found silly. Otherwise it’s a fine example of horn-enhanced mid-tempo 90’s Aero-rock. It has a sleezy grind to it, but it’s not particularly distinguishable from any similar songs on past Aerosmith records. It’s what they do, and although there are plenty better tunes, I suppose there is an Aero-niche that needs to be filled and here it is. Another thing they had to do was the sappy ballad with strings and so here is “Hole in My Soul”, another single. I think track 3 is a little early for ballad.
I remember walking into a record store with T-Rev one afternoon (I think Sunrise) and they were playing an early pre-release promo of “Taste of India”. I intensely dug the heavy groove, and the exotic spices thrown in. “Holy shit,” I said to Trevor, “this is really good.” He wasn’t as enthusiastic, but I think the groove here is impossible to resist. For latter-day Aerosmith, “Taste of India” represents one of those peaks, kind of like tunes such as “Kings and Queens” were for the early years. It’s adventurous and I’m a sucker for those guitars that sound like sitars. There is also sārangī on this track, performed by Ramesh Mishra who was a student of Ravi Shankar. I will return back to my original point though — the heavy groove here is the key. It’s all about that unstoppable steamroller of a rhythm. You don’t hear Aerosmith groove this heavy very often anymore. Back when I was at the Record Store, I did a brief paragraph review of this record for our store newsletter. I praised the song then too, and my enthusiasm has not diminished in the slightest.
“Full Circle” is an interesting track, a ballad that sounds a bit like something you’d sing in a big group on New Year’s Eve. “Time, don’t let it slip away, raise your drinking glass, here’s to yesterday.” It sounds a bit like an old Beatles ballad, interpreted by Aerosmith. It’s just a stunning little track, different from a lot of the Aero-noise that filled later albums. But “Something’s Gotta Give”, and we need an adrenaline-filled Aero-ass-kicker next. “Something’s gotta give! Does the noise in my head bother you?” Tyler’s harmonica solo is scorching hot, I’m sure his lips were burning. Then it’s a smokey, jazzy (with muted trumpet) intro to “Ain’t That a Bitch”. I don’t think I’d wanna call this a ballad, but maybe a slow Aero-burner? Using the word “ballad” sells the song short because it has more to it than that, even though there’s those strings again! Then the horns return for the “The Farm”, an inessential but dramatic song. This is about where the break between side 1 and side 2 would come, so I consider this song to be an apt side closer.
Aerosmith kick it into gear and “Crash” for a breakneck blaze of a song. Perry’s solo is incandescent. Kramer’s there in the back, locked into Tom Hamilton driving this big beast called Aerosmith forward as fast as it will go. Tyler’s screaming “I’m losing my mind, losing my mind, losing my mind!” while the boys in the back are jamming hard. The second half of this song is truly as good and wreckless as Aerosmith can get. Just top drawer rawk n’ roll.
So of course they bring you down from that “Crash” with a ballad, called “Kiss Your Past Goodbye”. This is by the books, and strictly just an off-the-shelf stock Aero-ballad. There is a lull in the album right about here, as it stalls towards the end. Another single, the pretty dreadful “Pink”, takes up a solid 4 minutes of your listening time. I had a customer at the Record Store, the “Barefoot DJ”, a really annoying fucker who was persistently looking for this damned song. But he refused to pay $11.99 for the Aerosmith album it was on, so he didn’t get it. Sucked to be him, I guess.
Joe Perry redeems the album (on the European version only) with his song “Falling Off”, for which he handles lead vocals. It’s nothing special, but it has an old-style rock integrity to it that centers us back to where we should be with this album. Fortunately it’s followed by another strong song, “Attitude Adjustment” which has a hint of a twang to it. It’s still nice an’ heavy, which you will have noticed by now is a continuing theme on this album. Sure there are lots of ballads, but also lots of kinds of heavy. “Attitude Adjustment” is rhythmically hard-edged, and Joe Perry’s slide guitar always hits you square right in the guts.
“Fallen Angels” brings the ballad count to four. However, this ballad has integrity. It is a long ballad, adorned with strings and all the fixings, but it also has the feeling and drama that preceding ballads lacked. The exotic sounds of India return to close the song and the album, going “Full Circle” as Aerosmith said earlier.
Lastly, I think Nine Lives has some of the best album artwork of any Aerosmith album in the CD age. I know that the original cover art with the snakes and the dancing cat was offensive to some of the Hindu faith. They then issued an alternative, revised version for retailers who wanted it, and it was just as cool anyway. Each page of the booklet features artwork that “pulls back” further giving you a wider perspective of the actual scene. This culminates with a zombie Aerosmith on the last page. The best thing about the revised cover art is that it adds one more picture to this sequence of “pulling back”. Now you can see the zombie Aerosmith are just a picture on a T-shirt on the same cat, who is strapped to a circus knife throwing wheel! I wouldn’t mind getting that version of the CD (cheap) just to have the final picture in the sequence.
This version of Nine Lives has 14 songs. If you think of an album in old-school terms, you realize that’s about four or five songs more than you used to get on a record. If you trimmed a few of these songs off, as if you were releasing a vinyl album in the 1970’s, imagine how tight it could have been. With the ballady filler, I’d give it:
Force Friday came and went without a hitch (for me). It was only the unboxing videos that caused me problems!
I understand quite a few people came away disappointed. I did not. I was hunting for only one type of Star Wars toy: The Black Series 6″ figures, which readers here know I collect almost religiously. I’ve posted lots of pictures of the opened portion of my collection. They can be found here, here, here, and here. They are just awesome figures that we would have died to have back in the 70’s.
The first wave of 6″ figures from The Force Awakens consists of:
01 – Finn
02 – Rey & BB-8
03 – Kylo Ren
04 – First Order Stormtrooper
05 – Chewbacca
Going in with a game plan, I decided to skip Chewie. (Iron Maiden’s newest was also released on Force Friday, cutting into the budget.) A re-sculpt of an older figure I already have wasn’t a priority, and I don’t like his new face. I also aimed to get two each of Rey, Kylo and Stormie, because I wanted one of each of those to open and play with! (The next wave looks to include Captain Phasma and General Hux. We’re also expecting a Tattooine Luke, and a Kanan from Star Wars Rebels. Count me in for those. But where is Threepio?)
Unboxing #1: Kylo Ren
Unboxing #2: First Order Stormtrooper (technical difficulties!)
I began writing Record Store Tales about 15 years ago. In the time between then and now, a lot of the earlier chapters were cut. One that did not make it was called “Persecution I”. This was some background material, on what it was like growing up as a heavy metal kid in a Catholic school.
Hint: it wasn’t fun.
Now that Record Store Tales is finished, I can revisit some of these old stories.
Grades 7 and 8 were essentially just two years of waiting to finally graduate and get the hell out of there. The bullies were relentless and nasty. I also had the worst teacher for both years. Her method of discipline was to humiliate students in front of the class. This woman was the definition of strict. I still talk to some people from grades 7 and 8, and they seem to remember the teacher the same way I do. She was unpleasant and mean.
It was always difficult when a kid like me showed up on the first day of class looking different than they did before summer holidays began. I didn’t realize that. I thought people might think I was pretty cool all of a sudden, showing up in my brand new Judas Priest T-shirt.* My grandpa had also given me this camouflage army hat, to which I affixed my favorite rock buttons of Iron Maiden.
The problem with my new look was, the kids who did like heavy metal before had suddenly abandoned the greatest music of all time, in favour of New Wave bands. Where Ian Johnson had previously been boasting about how awesome this new band called Metallica were, suddenly he had grown a rat tail and gone New Wave. He mocked me as hopelessly behind the times. He even had the sack to make fun of me for liking W.A.S.P. when he used to like W.A.S.P. more than I did. I had counted on him as a metal ally, but he was no longer. He joined the rest of the crowd in mocking me.
On the first day back, the teacher walked up to me and pointed to my Priest shirt.
“What does that say?”
I thought she was referring to the small writing at the bottom.
“It says ‘Rock Hard Ride Free’,” I answered.
“No up here! What does that say?”
“It says Judas Priest,” I said, starting to realize maybe she was offended by the “Judas” part.
“Well I never!” she began with her rant. “In all my years I have never seen anyone wear something so disgusting in my classroom. Do you even know what that means?”
I was really upset and confused. “It’s just the name of a band.”
“No it is not! My father used to say that when he was very, very angry. That is a very distasteful phrase. I won’t have those words in my classroom.” I could hear the chuckles of the other kids as she tore into me some more. “I don’t understand it,” she continued. “You should not be wearing that filth. What is the matter with you?”
The same teacher liked to tell us that we were “the worst, most ill-behaved class” she had ever taught. I think she just said that every year.
I knew that the words “Judas” and “Priest” had obvious religious connotations, but how was I to know that it was once considered a “swear”? Nobody in my family said it. My dad was more blunt in his swearing – “shit”, “fuck”, “damn” and so on. None of this esoteric “Judas Priest” nonsense. When my dad swore he went all in. I was completely ignorant, and innocent of any wrongdoing.
Needless to say, I never wore that shirt to school again. I still have it, as it’s an important part of my metal upbringing. It was clear that my teacher wasn’t impressed, and the fact that it was the T-shirt of a metal band didn’t do me any favours. If it wasn’t a hymn, then it probably wasn’t worth singing to her.
Harassment continued to the bitter end. Inside one of the cabinets in the classroom, somebody had stuck a Kiss sticker on the back of one of the doors. It looked like it had been there since the 1970’s, and it probably had been. However I was the only kid in that school in 1985 who liked Kiss, so I was screwed one way or another. As the rest of the class howled, “Mike put it there! He’s the only one who likes Kiss!” I just knew I could not win.
There was one incident that is so surreal that I’m not even sure it actually happened anymore. My memories of it are clear, but I it seems so weird and unlikely. I’m willing to accept the possibility that it never happened at all, and might just be a very vivid dream from back then that has been mis-remembered as an actual event. It’s not impossible, but unless someone else confirms the memory I’m not willing to stand behind this as fact. I’m including it anyway. If anything it illustrates how the whole era felt to a metalhead in a Catholic school.
In my memory it was a chilly, damp fall morning. We were out at recess. The schoolyard was bordered by a gravel pathway now known as the Dom Cardillo trail, named after the beloved former Kitchener mayor, who died in 2013. Parked on the pathway was a white van, and a small crowd of kids was gathered around it. Curiosity must have got the better of me so I went over to see what was going on.
Inside the van were two men, who were preaching the evils of drugs and heavy metal. According to these two guys, the two went hand in hand. Stay away from drugs, and stay away from metal. If you listen to heavy metal, you will be drawn into an evil web of drugs and alcohol, said the two men to the crowd.
This is an assumption that has always pissed me off: metal = drugs. Or metal = evil. Especially among the Catholic crowd, this was the way of thinking. These folks had never bothered to actually listen to the music and lyrics. When Gene Simmons sang in 1981, “I don’t need to get wasted, it only holds me down,” he was being sincere. “All I need is a will of my own, and the balls to stand alone. I believe in me.” Even taken at face value, however, these words did not jibe with what we were being taught in school. We were not taught to exercise our own free will, and to stand on our own. We were told to stand with God, and follow His will. I don’t believe life is that simple. We have brains for a reason and we must use them to do what we believe to be right, for ourselves and for the world around us. Encouraging us to think for ourselves was not in the school curriculum. I gave myself enough credit to know the difference between good and bad. If the music made me feel good, made me feel stronger and more confident, and didn’t hurt anyone, then what was the problem? It probably didn’t help my cause that a lot of rock lyrics encouraged rebellion against authority figures.
The two guys in the van asked the crowd, “Does anyone here listen to heavy metal music?”
Before I knew it, the kids laughed and pushed me to the front of the crowd. I fought against them but I found myself at the front, facing the two guys in the van. The kids were shouting, “He does! He does!”
Face to face with the disapproving guy in the driver’s seat of the van, he asked me, “So you listen to heavy metal?”
“Yes,” I answered quietly.
“So you do drugs then?” he responded.
“No!” I protested, “I don’t do drugs!”
“But you listen to heavy metal music,” responded the man, as if one equaled the other.
I had enough and pushed my way out of the crowd again. I could hear all the laughing behind me. I walked away as fast as I could without looking like I was running. Here I was being branded a druggie based on the music I listened to.
These events happened 30 years ago, and the van incident does not feel real. It feels more like a dream and I’ll probably never know if it really happened or not. It seems too weird to have really happened, but you never know. It’s not impossible, just surreal.
Grade 8 ended on a final, humiliating note. We were all supposed to choose which highschool we wanted to go to. The expectation was that we were to attend the Catholic school. Three or four of us did not, and applied to the public school Grand River Collegiate. That was obviously going to be my escape route. It was a way to get away from the nasty kids who tormented me every day, but it certainly wasn’t teacher approved. She was not happy, at all.
She had already told the entire class that whoever didn’t attend the annual Mount Mary religious retreat would end up on drugs, dead, or both. “Every student I ever had who did not go to Mount Mary grew up to do drugs, or killed themselves,” she told us. Hooray for religious retreats, where music and music-related T-shirts were not allowed.
The day that she handed out our acceptance papers for the highschools, she took one last scornful shot at me. “Shame on you!” she scolded in front of the class. “Not going to St. Jerome’s high school just so you can be with your friends,” she continued. “Shame on you.”
This time, I didn’t care. School was so close to being over it didn’t matter. In a few weeks, she’d have no power over me anymore. There was nothing she could say or do to ever humiliate me again. The bullies would be gone too, off to their own school while I had the chance to make new friends. I wouldn’t have to feel ashamed of the T-shirts I wore, or the bands I liked.
My poor sister had another four years of that school to go, which she dubbed the “Hell Hole” (based on the Spinal Tap song of the same name). Any time we drove by, she’d sing, “Livin’ in a hell hole…” She even ended up with the same damn teacher, who hadn’t changed a bit. When my sister struggled in math, she was publicly chided in class. “Your father is a banker!” shouted the teacher. “How can you not do math? Shame on you!”
There is no shame. Be proud of who you are. Believe in yourself!
I was so frightened I almost ran away I didn’t know that I could do Anything I needed to
And then a bolt of lightnin’ Hit me on my head Then I began to see I just needed to believe in me
Then I, I believe in me And I, I believe in somethin’ more Than you can understand Yes, I believe in me
Then I, I believe in me And I, I believe in somethin’ more Than you can understand Yes, I believe in me
They said, “I didn’t stand a chance” I wouldn’t win no way But I’ve got news for you There’s nothin’ I can’t do
Ain’t no pretendin’ Ain’t no make believe But I’ve got to be the one I gotta do what must be done
Then I, I believe in me And I, I believe in somethin’ more Than you can understand Yes, I believe in me
Then I, I believe in me And I, I believe in somethin’ more Than you can understand Yes, I believe in me I believe in me Yes, I believe in me, yeah
I don’t need no money I don’t need no fame, no I just need to believe in me And I know most definitely
Don’t need to get wasted It only holds me down I just need a will of my own And the balls to stand alone
‘Cause I, I believe in me And I, I believe in somethin’ more Than you can understand Yes, I believe in me
I believe in me I believe in somethin’ more Than you can understand Yes, I believe in me
Yes, I believe in me Yes, I believe in me Yes, I believe in me
15. The Sword – Warp Riders
14. Metallica – Master of Puppets
13. Deep Purple – Perfect Strangers
12. Frank Zappa – Bongo Fury
11. Led Zeppelin – Physical Graffiti
10. Kyuss – Sky Valley
9. Van Halen – Fair Warning
8. Willie Nelson – Phases and Stages
7. Yes – Close to the Edge
6. Iron Maiden – Powerslave
5. Fu Manchu – The Action Is Go
4. Steve Earle – I Feel Alright
3. Marillion – Misplaced Childhood
2. Queen – Queen II
1. Rush – Moving Pictures
mikeladano.com 