jeff woods

#S18-4: “Who Gives a F*** About Transformers!” — Sausagefest 2018 was More Than Met the Eye

On Friday I was itching to go.  I made a post here, critiquing my passenger Uncle Meat for wanting to stop at both Walmart and Value Village before hitting the Sausage Road.  He’s a grown man and could be a little better prepared…but I too am a grown man who can admit when he is wrong.  And I was wrong.  The Walmart and Value Village stops were actually two of my favourite things that happened.


“I wanna stop at the Walmart up by St. Jacobs,” said Meat.  Cool.  I try to make a point of checking the toy section at every Walmart, because it’s the out-of-the-way ones where you can find the rare stuff.  I made a beeline and lo!  One, two, three, four, FIVE brand new Transformers figures.  I grabbed all five and hit the checkout, so excited about my excellent find.  These are toys that collectors are having a hard time finding anywhere.  This led directly to…


“I want something ridiculous,” said Uncle Meat as we hit the T-shirts.  Immediately, I spotted an Optimus Prime shirt waiting right there for me, the first shirt we saw.  My size!  I then found rather quickly a bright orange George Jones “The Living Legend” shirt.  It had to come with us to Sausagefest.  Finally, after going through just about every shirt in the store, Meat found it like destiny:

These two stops really set the tone for the whole weekend.  They were:

1. Everything coming together perfectly, and
2. Dr. Dave Haslam’s hate-on for Optimus Prime.

I love when a plan comes together.

One plan that did not come together was my tent, which broke immediately just out of the box.  Fortunately you can always count on certain Sausagefesters to always bring gorilla and/or duct tape.  The tent weathered both nights.


The Countdown began promptly at Whenever O’clock and rapidly ticked down 50 + 2 tracks in one night, plus numerous bits and sketches.  50 +2?

We lost one of our own this year and Rush’s “Dreamline” was played in his honour.  Many were decked in neon orange in honour of his old orange boiler suit.  Troy was a truly good soul, a human being with a solid heart of gold.  He always made me feel welcome from my first Sausagefest on, and many years before that too as we had friends in common.  “Learning that we’re only immortal for a limited time” was a poignant lyric, but what really made it special was a tribute that Jeff Woods himself recorded for it.  The Legend of Classic Rock participated in a sketch/tribute that made eyes wet and some bellies laugh.  The tone was flawless and it is truly good to know what integrity looks like up close and personal.

“Dreamline” was not part of the official countdown, nor was a bit that I snuck into my own intro as a part of The Mamas and the Papas’ “California Dreaming”.  I sandwiched my personal introduction into Jeff Russo’s “Main Title” from Star Trek: Discovery, a show I’ve been hyping all year long.  Russo (of the rock band Tonic) composed a dramatic, striking piece working in elements from the original show.  I’m glad to have a chance to showcase it in its entirety, albeit with a long interlude of my shit in the middle.

Don’t forget the two minutes of “improvised scatting”, precisely because Troy would have hated that kind of shit!  And it was so funny that I couldn’t breathe for two minutes straight.  The Countdown (all a blur to me now) ran from #100 to 91 (10 songs total) with no comedy bits, because Troy always said “Less talk, more rock!”  They cut the crap and just played the tunes.

I can tell you that we heard Styx that night (“Mr. Roboto” and “Light Up”), some Five Alarm Funk, Beastie Boys, Metallica, Iron Maiden, Willie Nelson, and…a blur of songs and comedy.  There were a few rap tracks this year, certainly a record number.  Afroman and Cypress Hill made their debuts.  A list is forthcoming.


50 more tracks to count down.

Uncle Meat was up early (for him) at 9:30, and in great spirits despite a bad back the night before.  We made our way to Flesherton where Uncle Meat destroyed the men’s toilet at the Flying Spatula.  Emerging from the washroom he announced to the world, “Don’t use the one on the left!”  He annihilated the toilet again on our way out, and that of an outhouse on the way back to the farm.  I felt bad for the next guy in line waiting to use the outhouse, but Meat made it out of there really quick.

But I digress.  The Flying Spatula was a great ol’ time even though the Lamb Lord got mad at me for taking a picture of his food.


Back on the farm, we played a cool game I call “Knife Chucking”.  It’s kind of like axe throwing, but more special because those daggers were hand-forged by our very own Chuck.  And it was way fun!  A knife actually got lost in the dirt, and then plowed over by mistake by tractor.  But we found it as a team with a metal detector (for real!) and a rake!

I goaded Dr. Dave to rant some more about the Transformers. Man, he really hates the Transformers.  Do not watch this video if you are easily butthurt!

The second night commenced with lamb, perfectly marinated and cooked to medium by our chef the Lamb Lord.  It was gone so fast that Uncle Meat didn’t even get a slice.

The rock resumed.  The Blues Brothers was #1…Clutch #2…and Twisted Sister at #3 with “Burn in Hell”.  More Five Alarm Funk, Queen, Tool…just a blur of songs.  But probably most impressive to some of us:  “Grendel” by Marillion, in its entirety.  A 17-minute track within the top 20, and yet momentum was strong.

I have a literal Meat-ton of a video to sift through, but with perfect weather and setting, Sausagefest 2018 was once again utopia on Earth.

And a big, big, big thank you to Jeff Woods, the real Legend of Rock and Roll, for helping us out this year.  Meat sent you a personal gift as well.  I know you’re about 40 kilometers downriver from us in the valley.  Uncle Meat kept having to shit that day sir.  Meat took a shit in the river, and his shit signal should be with you by now.  Mr. Woods, you are a huge inspiration and truly a man among men.

And woman!  One woman.  Sausagefest has its first woman and she is one of the guys!  A massive first that may have been overdue!

My sun baked skin is aching for the comfort of a shower.  Enjoy the photos.  Lots more to come.




#340: A Tribute to Jeff Woods (GUEST SHOT by Uncle Meat)



#340: A Tribute to Jeff Woods

When you meet someone who has some sort of “celebrity” status, you almost expect them to be stand-off ish with you. A few years ago Tom and I won the chance as per a radio contest to see an intimate-type interview with Geddy Lee and Alex Lifeson of Rush, which was conducted by Legends of Classic Rock/Q107 radio personality Jeff Woods.  We met Geddy and Alex very briefly and had a quick picture taken. However the true joy of this experience was our meeting afterwards with Jeff Woods.

Alex, Tom, Meat, Geddy

Alex, Tom, Meat, Geddy

He was extremely accommodating to our request of a sound byte for our Sausagefest recordings. He has continued to participate for a few years now and I thought I would post this to show just for appreciation to the man.

After a first try, he himself offers to “take it from the top”. He had known us for all of 30 seconds.  He excused himself to leave to get a pen, and come back and record so he could get it right.

Important side note…became Facebook friends with Mr. Woods a week after this was done. Looking over his timeline,  I noticed a post he put up days before we met him. It read, “Integrity is how you treat people that can do nothing for you”. Good to know someone out there practices what he preaches.

Sausagefest Hangover: LeBrain’s list and selected pics

The addition of live bands and open jams at Sausagefest has, in my opinion, revolutionized the whole weekend for the better.  The good news is this:  I recorded so much live footage and got so many great photos that I have more than enough to put together the best Sausagefest video yet.  The bad news is this:  I recorded so much live footage and got so many great photos that it is going to take me a while to edit it together.  Patience is the key.

In the meantime:  Here are some more selected photos from this excellent weekend, PLUS my entire list of songs that I voted for.  Ultimately this year we only did a Top 75 countdown compiled from all the votes.  When that is available I’ll post that too.

In the meantime:  THANK YOU to Jeff Woods (The Legends of Classic Rock), Craig Fee (107.5 Dave FM) and Ben Ward (Orange Goblin) for your contributions this year!  Above and beyond the call of duty.


1 Your Wife Is Calling Sound City Players
2 Billy Oxygen Helix
3 Wish I Could Be There Helix
4 Wishing Well Black Sabbath
5 Damaged Soul Black Sabbath
6 God of Thunder KISS
7 Pictures of Home Deep Purple
8 Vincent Price Deep Purple
9 The Storm Flying Colors
10 Kayla Flying Colors
11 Shoulda Woulda Coulda Flying Colors
12 Vincent Price Deep Purple
13 I Miss My Chick Brant Bjork
14 MidLife Crisis Faith No More
15 Millionaire QOTSA
16 In The Fade QOTSA
17 It’s Late Queen
18 Keep Yourself Alive Queen
19 Solitude Black Sabbath
20 So Tired Ozzy
21 Rainbow in the Dark Dio
22 Creatures of the Night KISS
23 War Machine KISS
24 Lights Out UFO
25 Mean Streets Van Halen
26 Take Your Whiskey Home Van Halen
27 Hear About It Later Van Halen
28 Dirty Movies Van Halen
29 Sinners Swing Van Halen
30 Beer Drinkers & Hell Raisers ZZ Top
31 Hangover Max Webster
32 Blowing the Blues Away Max Webster
33 Gravity Max Webster
34 Masquerade Hibakusha
35 You Don’t Have To Be Old To Be Wise Judas Priest
36 Delivering the Goods Judas Priest
37 Evil Fantasies Judas Priest
38 18 Alice Cooper
39 Dwight Fry Alice Cooper
40 Thunder in Rock Fist
41 Lay It On the Line Triumph
42 Hell Hole Spinal Tap
43 Tonight I’m Gonna Rock You Tonight Spinal Tap
44 Rock and Roll Creation Spinal Tap
45 Stonehenge Spinal Tap
46 Heavy Duty Spinal Tap
47 Big Bottom Spinal Tap
48 Cups and Cakes Spinal Tap
49 Gimme Some Money Spinal Tap
50 Listen To What the Flower People Say Spinal Tap
51 Bitch School Spinal Tap
52 The Majesty of Rock Spinal Tap
53 Break Like the Wind Spinal Tap
54 Stinkin’ Up the Great Outdoors Spinal Tap
55 Rock and Roll Nightmare Spinal Tap
56 Hush Deep Purple
57 Kill the King Rainbow
58 Long Live Rock and Roll Rainbow
59 Big Balls AC/DC
60 Dirty Deeds AC/DC
61 Ain’t No Fun Waiting Round to be a Millionaire AC/DC
62 There’s Gonna Be Some Rockin’ AC/DC
63 Squealer AC/DC
64 Ride On AC/DC
65 Fly on the Wall AC/DC
66 Danger AC/DC
67 It’s a Long Way to the Top AC/DC
68 Let There Be Rock AC/DC
69 Soul Stealer AC/DC
70 School Love Anvil
71 The Night They Drove Old Dixie Down The Band
72 I Stole Your Love KISS
73 Cold Gin KISS
74 Firehouse KISS
75 Keep The Dogs Away Thor
76 The Right To Rock Keel
77 Hunger King Kobra
78 The Oath KISS
79 C’mon and Love Me KISS
80 Black Diamond KISS
81 Mr Speed KISS
82 Shock Me KISS
83 Hotter Than Hell KISS
84 Got to Choose KISS
85 Killer KISS
86 Rock and Roll Hell KISS
87 Rock Bottom KISS
88 What the Hell Have I Alice In Chains
89 No Excuses Alice In Chains
90 When You Wish Upon A Star Gene Simmons
91 San Quentin Johnny Cash
92 I Got Stripes Johnny Cash
93 I Hung My Head Johnny Cash
94 Orange Blossom Special Johnny Cash
95 Fool For Your Loving Whitesnake
96 Crying in the Rain Whitesnake
97 Come An’ Get It Whitesnake
98 Slow An’ Easy Whitesnake
99 Slide It In Whitesnake
100 Standing in the Shadow Whitesnake

Sausagefest XII: VIDEO REPORT!

Sausagefest is an annual all-dude, all-meat, countdown of rock.  Five of us from the old Record Store attended!  This year, there were 110 songs (75 countdowns plus 35 “tributes”).  #1 was Max Webster — “Toronto Tontos”.  Other artists who made the countdown included Iron Maiden, Black Sabbath, Kiss, Queens of the Stone Age, Tool, Rush, and Tenacious D among others.   For the history of this event, check out Record Store Tales Part 30.

Thanks to Jeff Woods and Craig Fee for your contributions — above and beyond the call of duty!

And of course, thanks to Tom our host, and Uncle Meat, Seb and Dr. Dave for the music.

Uncle Meat will be providing me with the full track list.  Stay tuned for that post, too!

Part 74: 2012 Sausagefest Report part one

What happens at Sausagefest stays at Sausagefest.  That’s been the rule since day one, 11 years ago.  Having said that, I can talk about some of my own experiences this year, the best Sausagefest I’ve experienced to date.

For more photos please go to GALLERY: Sausagefest 2012

Sausagefest 2012 has come and gone once again.  This year for me was full of new music, new flavours, and new faces.   There were still four alumni from my record store days.  Older, wiser, maybe a little fatter, definitely a little greyer.  All four of us sported white somewhere on our heads….

Meat and a few others has spent the previous night seeing Tenacious D.  I’m hoping I can get him to do a concert review because that’s a tale in itself.  Suffice to say, I can’t imagine a better preface to Sausagefest than a Tenacious D show.

Meat, myself and a first-timer named Chris made the trek in my vehicle (Dougie Carmore) rocking to the “D” and stopping only for beer and ice.  We arrived at our hallowed, sacred meeting place in record time and began setting up camp.

For me, that was pretty easy since I have chosen to sleep in my car most years.  The new PA system was set up and shortly thereafter, the rock began.

The countdown was different this year:  A top 75 instead of 100, culled from the 31 submitted lists.  In addition, 31 tribute songs, one for each submittee!  A total of 106 songs plus comedy sketches and about 10 “LeBrain” bits about the tunes, trying to do my best Jeff Woods impression.  The countdown took two evenings and I don’t know how many hours….

But it was solidly amazing all the way through.  That first night, we heard my tribute song which was my #1 this year:  “Strutter”.  We also heard plenty of Rush, tool, Sabbath, and everything else too.  And that was just the first night.  Saturday, we’d hear the top half…

The equipment was (mostly) put under a tarp, and we all went to our respective sleeping places.  I say “mostly” because not only did Meat leave all his clothes outside, but he also seemed to have soaked his laptop charger.  I awoke in the middle of a thunderstorm.  I think the storm lasted about three hours.

Then, I discovered that my car stereo was out.  Kaput.  How?  Must have been the storm.  But it wasn’t a fuse.  We went into town for an amazingly greasy good breakfast and hit up a car parts store for fuses.  It wasn’t a fuse.  At presstime it isn’t fixed yet.  So my car stereo is busted, and Meat still doesn’t have a charger for his laptap.  Would we trade the weekend in for anything else?

Of course not!

Check back later for part two.

GALLERY: Sausagefest 2012

It has come, and it has gone.  It was epic.  I will post more details later.  For now, enjoy the gallery.

For the record, the #1 song this year was “Gardenia” by Kyuss, and the mix tape features guest appearances from Jeff Woods, Craig Fee, and Stephen Hawking (although I’m pretty sure that last one was fake).