GETTING MORE TALEΒ #452: Mike and Aaron Go to Toronto Again…Again!
WE HAVE RETURNED, SIRE, WITH PLUNDERED TREASURE FROM THE TOWN.
Toronto was, in a word, perfect.
We have done this every year for four years now, Aaron and I, always in the fall. Β We go to the heart of Toronto and plunder its best music. Β Then, we return to our homes, and listen in glee while making evil laughing sounds and clutching our treasure in our greedy hands. Β This was the latest in the year that we had gone (November 28), but miraculously the skies parted that morning and we were not rained upon nor snowed. Β It was once again, just perfect.
Aaron’s complete post on this trip can be found by clicking here!
We were accompanied like last year by Aaron’s dad Wayne, who just wanted to walk around and see if there were any curiosities that struck his eye. Β After parting ways, Aaron and I made our way to Stop #1: Β BMV.
I found three treasures there, all of which I am very happy and excited aboot:
1. STYX – Equinox, $5.99 CD used. I’m still trying to grow a Styx collection so this great album was a find. Review is already written; to be published.
2. QUEEN – Queen – 2 CD remaster, $9.99 used. SCORE! Just reviewed the 1991 issue of this album recently. Can’t wait to dig into the bonus EP!
3. OASIS – Definitely Maybe – 3 CD remaster, $14.99 used. SCORE! Erk, wait! The discs were not inside! BMV will be sending me the discs shortly, but dang! Nice find. This is to be kept alongside my 2 CD edition featuring the live album, Oasis Live.
4. MARTIN POPOFF – The Big Book of HaαΌ³r Metal, $14.99, originally $33. Lotsa text, loadsa pics, let’s go!
Music heard in store: Judas Priest – “Metal Meltdown”, “Ram It Down”, “Victim of Changes”. Pretty amazing shit to hear in a book store.
Total spent: $45.96.
BMV Books
471 Bloor St W
(416) 967-5757
Stop #2: Pauper’s PubΒ (39 Bloor Street West). This is a lunch time tradition. Aaron had the veggie burger (with avocado and salsa) and fries, I had the Canadian (cheese and bacon) burger with a garden salad. I would put this lunch in my top five burgers of all time, easily. It was that good.
We hoofed it back to the point at which we started, the parking lot right next to Stop #3: Β Kops. The Cult serenaded us with “Fire Woman”. Lots of goodness found here:
1. HENRY ROLLINS – The Boxed Life 2 CD (sealed!), 2 for $5.
2. ROLLINS BAND – Come In And Burn (sealed!), 2 for $5.
3. TRIUMPH – Edge of Excess, 2 for $5.
4. STEVE EARLE – A Special Collection, 1989 promo greatest hits CD with 17 tracks! 2 for $5.
5. RAINBOW – “Can’t Let You Go”, 12″ single, $7.99. Features two live tracks unavailable on album including Joe Lynn Turner singing “All Night Long”. Can’t wait to spin this.
Total spent: Β $17.99.
Kops Records
229 Queen St W
(416) 593-8523
Final Stop: Β Sonic Boom.
We always do well here andΒ this was no exception. Β I told Aaron that I was hoping to buy some deluxe editions, and considering I’d already scored Queen and Oasis, I thought I had been doing well. Β I had forgotten that Faith No More had some deluxes out. Β I remembered this when I saw the vinyl reissues at Kops, so I was sure to look for the CDs at Sonic Boom.
Treasures plundered:
1. BEN FOLDS – Ben Folds Live, $2.99 used.
2. BRANT BJORK and the LOW DESERT PUNK BAND – Black Power Flower, 2 bonus tracks, $14.99.
3. FAITH NO MORE – The Real Thing deluxe, $22.99.
4. FAITH NO MORE – Angel Dust deluxe, $22.99.
I have a really extensive collection of Faith No More singles and EPs. I had most of the bonus material already on physical copies, but with a few notable exceptions. Now I got ’em: “As the Worm Turns” with Patton singing, and some of the live tracks such as Sheffield 1990 and Munich 1992.
Total spent: $63.96.
Sonic Boom
215 Spadina Ave
(416) 532-0334
Final Stop 1β2.Β Moonbean. Β Aaron had to grab some seriously impressive coffee. Β It’s the tradition! Β Moonbean can be found at 30 Andrew St. (1-866-595-0327), or online at moonbeancoffee.com.
But wait! Β That’s not all!
Aaron’s Box of Generosity:
As is his modus operandi, Aaron surprised me with some serious treasures.
1. EXTREME – “Tragic Comic” digipack CD single, featuring “When I’m President” live, which I didn’t have before!
2. KILLER DWARFS – Method to the Madness CD, out of print! I have all their studio albums now.
3. NIACIN – Live in Tokyo DVD, featuring Billy Sheehan on bass. This outta be a mindblow!
3. WILLIAM SHATNER – Shatner Rules, book. I’ve read a few of Bill’s books before and they’re fun.
4. WAYNE JOHNSON – The Colony of Unrequited Dreams. Know nothing about it, but I love Canadian settings in fiction.
5. MICHAEL ONDAATJE – Coming Through Slaughter. “My favourite book” – Steve Earle. ‘Nuff said.
6. HENRY ROLLINS – Fanatic! Vol 1, 2 and 3. An early Christmas has come. Rollins meticulously tracks every song he played on his radio show, with notes. Lots of metal and punk and more.
7. Rock the Cradle Lullabies – Dreamin’ with DEF LEPPARD. Might actually be good since Phil and Viv play on the CD! (Collectible regardless.)
8. Hot Wheels diecast starship USS Enterprise NCC-1701 (reboot version, in package). I love it!
9. A KISS backpack! Β To put all my goodies in!
Aaron can be found at keepsmealive.wordpress.com.
In Conclusion.
Aaron made three trips to Toronto in 2015, I now have made two (for record shopping). Β You might think we tapped that city out. Β Hell no! Β See you next year, Toronto!
Total spent: $127.91 (before tax).
Total itemsΒ (not including Aaron’s generosity): Β 14.
Average cost per record: Β $10.94. Β Consider all those deluxe editions I bought, that is not bad at all!
Coming Soon: Β the annual video documentary of the trip!
GETTING MORE TALEΒ #448: Phat Curtis
I started highschool in 1986, and the best days of the week were Thursdays. Β They called it “Game Day”. Β Thursdays were shortened, and we all got to go home at 2:45 instead of 4:45.Β Not only did that mean I would be able to catch the start of the Pepsi Power Hour, but it also meant extra time to goof around!
My best friend Bob and I were walking home from school one Thursday afternoon.Β A few days earlier he found something that we dubbed βthe Killerangβ.Β It was actually just a piece of red plastic from a grocery storeβs pop bottle plastic crate.Β It was kind of shaped like an elongated “E”. Β An inner slat from one of those cases had come out and found its way onto the road by which we were walking. Β Bob threw it away assuming it was junk, but when he did, that sucker took off and flew, better than a boomerang! Β We saw it land far away in a vacantΒ lot. Β We both stared at each other at the unexpected aerodynamics of this plastic fork.Β We ran after it knowing weβd found a cool toy to play with! Β The Killerang.
Then one Thursday, Bob brought the Killerang to school so we could mess with it on the way home. Β Killerang in hand, Bob and I stopped at a park by a local public school that was still in class.Β We were going to use their schoolyard to see how far we could get this thing to fly.Β Off in the distance was a class of kids watching a football game.Β Way, way off in the distance.Β It is on that field that two fates collided.
Bob wound up and threw the boomerang.Β He didnβt throw it hard but again it caught air and took off.Β We ran to collect it, and it was my turn.
βDonβt throw it too hard,β Bob advised.Β βIt really flies.β
βOK,β I said as I wound up.
I threw the boomerang a little too hard.Β I watched as it flewβ¦and flewβ¦and flewβ¦on its way to the distant football game.
βOh no,β I muttered as the boomerang continued its flight.Β By its trajectory, it was going to hit one of the kids in the crowd.
There was one kid on that field that could not be missed even from that distance.Β He was huge.Β He was a giant.Β I watched as my boomerang felled that giant, striking him directly in the back of the neck.Β His arms went wide and he collapsed to the ground.
βHoly shit,β said Bob as I cried βOh no!β
βYou have to go apologize,β said Bob, stating the obvious.Β Iβd never apologized to a giant before.
Sheepishly, and possibly with a huge and sudden dump in my pants, I went over to the football field to apologize to the giant.
Fortunately the giant, whom I learned one addresses as βPhat Curtisβ, was the forgiving type.Β He did not kill me (this much is obvious).Β He did not stomp me, nor did he piledrive me into the ground.Β You donβt get a name like βPhat Curtisβ for being small, but thankfully he wasnβt a vengeful giant.Β (His real name was Curtis Bernard.)
A year later, Phat Curtis started highschool, and it was there that I learned he was a drummer.Β Β In fact he had a reputation as the most talented drummer in school.Β Later on he added five and six string bass to his musical repertoire.Β Β He went on to play with my sister in various ensembles, and became a customer at the Record Store too.Β He was always looking for live albums with good bass.Β Didnβt buy much stuff, but he sure kept me busy every time he came in.
Maybe that was his revenge? Β To haunt the Record Store of the guy who boomeranged him in the back of the neck?Β To make that Record Store guy run around the store looking for live albums with good bass, but not make a sale?Β Could that be it?Β If so, I cannot say that Phat Curtis put me in as much pain as I put him in.Β However at least I can boast that single-handedly took down a giant!
GETTING MORE TALEΒ #446: SLOW DOWN!
Since March 2012, LeBrain hasΒ been bringing you the rock on a daily basis.
Iβve been writing about music for a long time.Β Over the years, I accumulated an immense catalogue of music reviews.Β I saved them up, and gradually expandedΒ and polished them up for publishing here at mikeladano.com.Β On top of that, I also had an incredible stock of Record Store Tales to post. Β Some of these had been gathering dust for well over a decade. Β Including new content Iβve stirred into the mix, it took over three years to burn through all the old reviews and stories.Β I am now dry.Β I had a few movie reviews left in the hopper, but these are abandoned now, because thisΒ is (mostly) about the rock.
Itβs much easier for me to revise and expand an old review, than it is to write a new one.Β Itβs actually an enjoyable process for me to revisit and fix up an old writing.Β Youβd be hard-pressed to tell an old polished up review from a brand-new one unless I pointed it out.Β The huge amount of stuff that I had built up to publish enabled me to post content every day.Β In fact, in my old βtheme songβ video I boasted that mikeladano.com was βupdated daily!β
I can no longer keep going at that pace.Β Itβs just not possible; not if I want to maintain a level of quality.Β Listening to music takes time, articulating thoughts into words takes more time, and adding the photos, videos and anecdotes takes even more time.Β I love writing about music and sharing my music collection with you.Β I canβt deny that this hobby is hard work, albeit a labour of love.
So, without any shame, I am now announcing that the pace of new content here is slowing down.Β I donβt plan on using a schedule, but you can count on new reviews and stories here about one every other day.Β I hope you continue to read and enjoy.Β This will hopefully enable me to spend more time posting and responding to comments.
Music is an important part of my life, and yours too, Iβll wager, or you wouldnβt be reading this.Β Coming home from work every day and sitting down to review music because I βhave toβ, to keep up the pace, isnβt what I wanted to do.Β I donβt want to work on reviews because I βhave toβ maintain an inhuman pace.Β You might not have noticed but I feel the more recent reviews Iβve written have been rushed.Β I think the quality may have suffered in favour of quantity.
No longer.Β You can count on the same brand of music reviews, the same kind of stories, and the odd βWTFβ here and thereβ¦just not on a daily basis. Β I’m taking tomorrow off!
Shit.Β I guess this means I need a new theme song video.
See??Β The work never ends!
GETTING MORE TALEΒ #444: βCan I Listen to This?β
In the early 1990βs, the CD store in which I worked was just an ordinary music store that sold new product in a mall.Β Later on, we did the switch to used discs which was the smartest move the owner could have done.Β He was able to control his own cost of goods sold.
Switching to 99% used stock attracted customers to the better prices.Β Before too long, the used selection was better too, because we would see many deleted and rare titles that you couldnβt buy new anymore.Β Ebay didnβt exist yet. Β It was hard to find those titles on CD. Β Another benefit to the switch was the ability for customers to sample music before they bought it.Β It was harder before.
In the earliest days, if a customer wanted to hear something, we had to crack open the disc and play it on the store player.Β We didnβt even have a re-sealing device.Β The way around this was to carefully (carefully!) cut the cellophane off the CD case, along the spine of the disc.Β Carefully (carefully!) slide the disc out of the cellophane.Β When done, you can carefully (carefully!) slide the disc back into the cellophane, and βsealβ it up with a piece of strategically placed Scotch tape.Β This did the trick well enough for us.Β We made due.
The annoying thing wasnβt the fact that we had to crack open a disc for people to listen to.Β The real irritant was that we didnβt have anything for them to listen to it on, except the store CD player.Β If a customer came up and said, βCan I listen to this?β it meant stopping whatever you were playing, and putting in their disc.
This happened one Saturday afternoon, sometime in the spring of β95.Β Radiohead had just released The Bends, and we only carried three copies to start.Β A guy came in curious what it was like.Β The Bends may be critically acclaimed by fans worldwide, but that spring afternoon in 1995, it did absolutely nothing for me*.Β Skipping from one track to the next, then back, at the customerβs command, I hated what I heard.Β To my ears it sounded too mellow and I was ready for a nap. Β It was definitely not what I wanted to hear while I was trying to work. Β To date I still donβt ownΒ The Bends.Β This guy stood there listening for half an hour before decliningΒ to buy it.Β It was annoying for both myself, and the other customers, to have to listen to this disc skipping from track to track at the guyβs hand signals or nods.
But we didnβt have anything else, and we were customer service oriented, so what are you to do? Β You listen to (rather, skip back and forth through) The Bends.
A year later I was managing a bigger store, with the 99% used format.Β We had a store player, plusΒ several other units hooked up to headphones.Β With an entire store of used stuff to listen to, and a pair of headphones to do it with, it was a vast improvement over the old way.Β Once again the owner had a great idea. Β Even though there is no question they were a huge popularΒ feature for our stores, the βlistening stationsβ as we called them were still ripe for abuse.Β Customers would make you run around retrieving 20 (or 30 or 40) discs to listen to, only to buy none.Β Theyβd complain about the sound quality.Β The headphones were constantly busting due to overuse and abuse.
βThese headphones suck.Β I canβt hear the nuances in the music.βΒ That was a real complaint.Β Since there wasnβt much I could do about it, I explained that the listening stations were there just so you could hear a song and decide if you liked it or not.Β Not much thought was given to hearing the nuances.Β But this guy insisted he couldnβt tell if he liked a song without the βnuancesβ, so no sale was made.
Other folks would want to listen to an entire CD β the whole thing! β to make sure it didnβt skip before they bought it.Β Even though we offered a guarantee.
Even though we had gone through the effort and expense of providing these listening stations, there are some people you can never please.Β More than one fellow (yes, it was only guys) asked to listen to something, only to complain, βNo, I donβt want to hear it on those headphones.Β I want to hear it on the big speakers!βΒ Yeah, but nobody else in the store wants to.
Music fans:Β Although you can now listen to almost anything you want in the comfort of your own home, please, if you want to use the listening stations at a CD store, donβt be a douche!
*I do have Kid A in my collection. Β I love Kid A. Β
GETTING MORE TALEΒ #441: Help Wanted!
Back in the Record Store Days, hiring seemed to go in waves, with the students.Β Periodically weβd lose some of our best people as they moved on to further their educations.Β Weβd go on hiring binges, looking for 3-4 good solid new people.Β This was done by putting out ads.
Paraphrasing our old print ads, we would advertise that we were looking for the following:
Then we would have set hours for them to apply (usually between 2 and 7), during which I (and other managers) would be working.Β People didnβt always like that βapply in person onlyβ part, but it was there for a reason.Β It was so the store manager (me) could gauge whether you were flaky or not.Β Even though store managers were not involved in hiring, we could at least offer our impressions of the applicants when they came in to apply.Β Were they polite?Β Were they dicks?Β Were they high?
Like anywhere, we occasionally ended up with a few bad apples.Β If I were to make an βhonestβ hiring ad based on the number of times weβd been burned before, here is what it would probably look like.
Donβt get me wrong β we hired lots and lots and lots of great people with the standard ads.Β But I think mine is better!
More:
RECORD STORE TALES Part 94: Β Staffing
RECORD STORE TALES Part 185: Β Staffing 2.0
SOME NAMES HAVE BEEN CHANGED TO PROTECT THE GUILTY
GETTING MORE TALE #438: Drunken Record Store Shenanigans
2001.Β Annual Record Store Christmas party.Β I was designated driver.
It was a great bash.Β We almost always had great parties. Β Great — but always safely. Β I was driving an anonymous buddy home. Β Getting my buddy out of the bar took some effort.Β He ran into somebody at the bar, and I donβt even think they knew each other, but this guy claimed to know Steve Earle.Β He told Buddy that he could get him back stage to meet Steve Earle next time he came into town.Β Well, Buddy was excited beyond belief!Β βIβm gonna meet Steve Earle!β he announced to me, and everyone else in the establishment!Β βIβm gonna get to meet Steve Earle!β Β It took about 15 minutes for me to drag his excited ass out of that place.
Into the parking lot on that snowy cold night.
βI canβt believe Iβm gonna meet Steve Earle!β
In the car.
βIβm gonna meet Steve Earle man!β
I just had to laugh and wished I had a tape recorder.Β His rant was about as hilarious as it gets, if youβre into drunken rants for the purpose of humour.
βOh manβ¦Steve EARLE!β
Then he decided to tell me that he approved of my new girlfriend, who also attended the party.
βThat is a really nice girl and you hafta hang onto her,β he slurred.Β βBut when the light turns green you gotta GO.Β And when itβs yellow you gotta go, or stop.Β Sheβs a nice girl.β
I laughed and tried to egg him into saying more hilarious stuff, which was just repeating βIβm gonna meet Steve Earle,β and βwhen the light is yellow you gotta go.β
I dropped my buddy safely off at his home, where he tells me he passed out on the toilet talking to his girlfriend on the phone.Β Iβm sure she was also thrilled he was going to meet Steve Earle!
Not that Iβm innocent in all this.Β I usually chose to be designated driver, but not always.Β One night my buddy drove me from a Record Store get-together.Β The bartender had cut me off, because (apparently) I was loudly discussing different techniques to masturbate.Β Allegedly!Β So I am hardly one to throw stones at anyone.Β Iβm sure there are one or two people who have good Drunk LeBrain stories.Β I know on my birthday, the Record Store people took me out for drinks and I proceeded to grab a bunch of dudesβ asses.
However, the truth is, I was usually the driver, and as such, usually have the best stories.Β My memories are more reliable than those who were drinking.
I remember Buddy telling the Boss Man that he thought his mom was βhotβ.Β Buddy later denied this, saying, βI wouldnβt say that because I donβt think his mom is hot.βΒ But I know what I heard, and I was sober!
I remember Tom eating chicken bones at the Heuther Hotel, and then taking the rest home with him to make βsoupβ.Β I remember one guy stealing ashtrays from the Heuther at a drunken party, and the Boss making him return the ashtrays to them the next week!
One of my fondest memories from that time happened one summer, after we had gathered for a concert at a place called the Banke in downtown Kitchener.Β Exiting the venue, one of the guys decided to run into the middle of the street and do a Mick Jagger dance in front of the late-night traffic!Β It was truly a sight to behold.Β And it was also a pretty damn accurate dance.
Thankfully, nobody was ever hurt at one of our Record Store piss-ups.Β We always made sure everybody had a ride.Β They were a good time, a part of my youth I will always remember fondly and sometimes hazy!
LeBRAIN ON AIR BASS!
Circa 1997. That’s Iron Tom Sharpe peeking behind me.
GETTING MORE TALEΒ #437: So You Want to Make a Mix Tape?
So youβve decided to hop into your time machine and make a mix tape?Β Good for you!Β In the 80βs, making a mix tape was a rite of passage.Β Today it is a fading art.Β Congratulations for wanting to keep that art alive!Β Here are some tips.
First of all, who are you making the tape for?Β What do you want on it?Β Prep all your recording materials in advance.Β Get out the CDs and records you want to tape.Β Are you doing a straight hits tape?Β A mixture of artists?Β Roughly plot out your track list, but only roughly, because you will probably have to make changes on the fly.
Get your tape ready.Β What length are you using?Β I recommend 90 β 100 minute tapes.Β Anything longer than 100 minutes and you risk stretching the tape.Β This length range gives you more room to play with than a standard 60 minute tape.
Clean your equipment.Β Get your tape head demagnetized, and clean those pinch rollers with isopropyl alcohol or something similar.Β Use lint-free cloth.Β Since youβre making a mix tape, I assume you want it to sound as good as you can make it.Β Use a decent quality blank tape.
Now, using a pencil or just your finger, carefully wind the tape so that the clear tape lead is no longer visible.Β When you see brown magnetic tape, you are ready to hit βrecordβ.
I used to add the little test frequencies that they put on the start of cassettes to open my mix tapes. Β Don’t have one of those? Β That’s OK. Β Just download one from Youtube!
My recording technique involved having as short a gap between songs as possible. Β I viewed a long gap as an amateur move, unless it was intentional, for effect. Β To get a short gap, hit βpauseβ on your recorder immediately after the song stops, but donβt pause for too long.Β Leaving that pause button depressed isnβt good for the tape, because on most machines, the tape head is still making contact with the recording tape.Β Still, itβs better than hitting βstopβ which tends to leave an annoying clunky sound between songs.
Now, the one irritating thing that amateur tapers do is let a song be cut off at the end of a side.Β Donβt do that!Β Itβs very difficult to get exactly a side of music, so leave some space after the last song.Β In fact, I suggest having a bunch of βstandbyβ short tracks handy, to fill up any undesired blank space.Β Itβs also fun to end a side with a brief movie quote or skit.Β Itβs up to you, how you decide to end a side, but donβt cut a song off.Β Thatβs annoying! Β You may have to improvise,Β select some shorter songs, and re-do some things, but cutting off a song is just a rookie mistake. Β You will have to be flexible with your track list when it comes to where the sides end. Β Tape speed is anything but consistent, so even if you’ve clocked your side at exactly 45 minutes, if your tape is running fast then you’ll be out of space.
The beauty of cassette is the opportunity to use the two sides to your advantage.Β Each side can be its own journey, with opening and closing tracks.Β Yet itβs still part of a whole.Β Perhaps youβd like to make a Led Zeppelin hits tape.Β Why not make side one all electric, and side two acoustic?Β You can have a killer electric opening for side one (βGood Times Bad Timesβ perhaps), and close it with a corker too (like βKashmirβ).Β Then you can kick off side two with an acoustic opener, such as βGallows Poleβ and end it with βStairwayβ.Β The possibilities are endless, but the ability to create distinct sides is so much fun.
Finally, write those songs down on the J-card, or make some custom cover art.Β If youβre artistically inclined, the cover art can be the most fun.
Making a mix tape is a time consuming process since you need to do it in real time.Β It can also be a taxing job, if youβre a perfectionist trying to make your mix tape flawless.Β The main thing is keeping it fun.Β Have a good time with it!
GETTING MORE TALE #435: How to Write a Music Review
So you want to throw your voice into the din, and write album reviews?Β Good for you!Β Allow me to offer some suggestions to help yours stand out.
First and foremost:Β Know your subject.Β That doesnβt mean you have to do a whole bunch of research.Β It means you should listen to the music and pay attention to the parts you want to talk about.Β Donβt say, βThis song is really catchyβ before you realize you canβt remember how it goes the next day.Β Listen and let it speak.Β Itβs always tempting to blast a new release and say, βItβs awesome!β or βIt sucks!βΒ Just browse Amazon for hundreds of reviews like that.Β Donβt say something is βawesomeβ or βsucksβ unless you are sure thatβs how you feel about it, and can back it up in your review.
Research isnβt necessary, but you do have to make sure your review is factually correct.Β If you donβt, the trolls will come out.Β For example donβt say βSteve Perry is singing better than ever on the latest Journey album,β because that’s not him!Β Make sure you get those things straight β who plays on the album, who wrote the songs.Β All this can be easily determined via Wikipedia which is usually accurate enough for a review.Β It takes a few extra minutes, but helps ensure you wonβt sound like an idiot.Β When all this information is out there and available for free, thereβs no excuse for inaccuracy.
Another great tip:Β Β Be passionate.Β Β Itβs music after all.Β How does it make you feel?Β Put that feeling (positive or negative) into your review.Β If readers can pick up on your passion, itβll help keep them engaged.Β You donβt want a dry, boring review that people skip to the end to read the rating.
One reviewersβ strategy that I recommend:Β Read other reviews.Β Lots and lots of them.Β See what you like, and do not like, about other writersβ styles. Β What can you do better? Β Use this to inform your own style.Β Perhaps, like me, you like a review that is thorough.Β On the other hand perhaps you prefer to cut to the chase.Β Either technique is valid and perhaps you will choose to mix the two.Β To me, the most rewarding part of reading other reviews is picking up on words and phrases that I might not have used otherwise.Β There are only so many ways that I have in my verbal arsenal to describe βawesomeβ riffs, βkillerβ lead vocals, βpoundingβ drums, βbone-shakingβ bass, or βscorchingβ lead guitars.Β Add more words and phrases to your bag by paying attention to other writers.Β And by all means, donβt be afraid to use a thesaurus! Β I use them all the time, to remind myself of words I like but just canβt think of when I need them!
Once youβve written a few reviews, I think itβs important to shake it up.Β Keep your readers interested by changing up your style a bit.Β Donβt do every single review as track-by-track.Β Donβt use the same format every time.Β Donβt allow yourself to get bored with your own writing.Β If youβre bored, will your readers follow suit?
What about length?Β Length does not matter.Β If you have a lot to say, then say it.Β Writing reviews online is completely different from doing it for print publications.Β There are no word limits, and there are no censors.Β Short is fine too.Β Some of the best reviews Iβve ever read were just one sentence.Β βShit Sandwichβ β everybody remembers that two-word review from This is Spinal Tap. Β Β Of course the review βShit Sandwichβ, classic as it is, does violateΒ an earlierΒ rule: Β βDonβt just say an album sucks.βΒ Sometimes you can get away with it, if youβre an established reviewer, because readers can refer back to your past more detailed work and see what you had to say about the band before.Β This is a thin line β the fine line between clever and stupid….
How about photos and videos?Β They are helpful to augment a review.Β The help break it up visually and add more information.Β But even though a picture can speak 1000 words, make sure your words are up to par.Β The words must come first.Β Everything else is just icing.Β (Donβt use too much icing, either!)
Ultimately, the best advice is the simplest:Β Enjoy what you do.Β Write music reviews simply because thatβs what you want to do.Β Β If you spend all day talking about and thinking about music anyway, chances are youβve already written a bunch of great reviews in your head.Β Now you just need to get them out on paper.
Get out there and do it β thereβs nobody to stop you!
RECORD STORE TALES MkII: Getting More Tale
#432: The Complaint Department
When I run out of fresh things to talk about, thatβs when itβs time to go digging through the LeBrain HQ archives!Β This time Iβve retrieved some comments from the Complaint Department!
Complaint #1:Β βYou donβt review enough new releases!β
Yes, yes I know. Β This is a rut Iβm stuck in.Β I like to spend some serious alone time with an album before Iβm comfortable releasing a full-on review.Β By the time I get the album (usually a Japanese import or whatever version has bonus tracks) and give it a fair listen, itβs rarely a new release anymore! Β I prefer to review a physical CD whenever possible.Β This is so I can read the lyrics, the liner notes, and show you pictures of the physical product.Β Itβs also so I can hear it in full CD quality sound.
Iβd love if more contributors would step up and review some new releases for me.Β Unfortunately most of my former contributors now write for their own sites!Β Think you have what it takes to put your opinion on the internet for no money and no recognition?Β Drop me a line!
Complaint #2: βHow come you havenβt reviewed any Creed?β
This is being worked on.Β Watch this space.
Complaint #3: βYouΒ post articles just to poke the bear.β
This is partly true. Β When I have something negative to say about music, I try to do it in a funny way. Β Well, you know about the internet and humour — sometimesΒ things can be taken the wrong way. Β (I know you’re surprised.) Β Plus, I’m not that funny. Β If Iβm out of line, you can go ahead and tell me so.Β Letβs have some friendly, adult musical discussions.Β When IβmΒ on a roll, itβs just for a laugh and so we have something to discuss, so letβs do it!Β Just keep it civil.Β No name calling.
Complaint #4: βIn your Record Store Tales, you make yourself out to be the hero of the story and everyone else like buffoons.Β Then, you made yourself the victim at the end.β
Really?Β You think the guy who shit his pants in the store is the hero and not a buffoon himself?Β Well OK then!Β I canβt help how people read the stories with their own interpretation.Β I was no hero, I was a big zero.Β Zero the Hero!Β I messed up too, quite royally in some cases, like the time some Β kid stole our βfree CDβ stamper on my watch.Β All of this was on my performance reviews.Β They transferred me from one store to another because my sales were way down and I was having problems controlling my staff.Β I donβt think the bosses were buffoons.Β How could I knock somebody who has created a business that has lasted 25 years and counting?Β I just think I was taken advantage of, after years of being the nice-guy yes-man.Β Spoogecakes used to refer to me as the ownerβs βlackeyβ, but nobody wants to be the lackey forever.Β I have admitted that I was depressed and despondent in the last years.Β If I have committed any sins, itβs that I didnβt assert myself, or get out of there sooner.Β Thatβs my fault.Β I was too afraid of my bosses to stand up for myself.
Complaint #5: βYou talk about heavy metal too much, and not enough about other great artists that you may be missing out on.β
True!Β I write what I know best, but we do need to get more variety of quality music up here.Β We need to get more artists represented, although I’ve covered a samplingΒ of country, jazz and and classical before.Β This is a challenge I accept.Β Look forward to more branching out in the future!
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