THE ADVENTURES OF TEE BONE MAN Chapter 15: Status Acoustic – The Really Big Deal
An empty hollowness filled Deke’s Palace. Ever since losing his guitar in battle against the Black Night (see Chapter 9 – Ed.), Tee Bone felt like a part of him was missing. And getting a replacement wasn’t as easy as you might think. You couldn’t just buy any old guitar and expect it to stand up to the power of Tee Bone’s playing. No sir, you needed something more robust. You needed to fortify it, or else it would likely crumble to pieces when Tee Bone tried to use it for anything more than a light strum.
Because, you see, when Tee Bone and Deke fell into that vat of radioactive Scotch, the liquid also infused the guitar with the power. But that Scotch was seemingly all gone- evaporated in the fire or soaked into the ground (which would explain the peculiar vegetation around the Palace). Though Tee Bone had a replacement guitar lined up, the search for Scotch was becoming a wild tribble chase.
Tee Bone was starting to get depressed, and had taken to moping around the palace with a bottle of regular scotch in hand. Once or twice he had tried submerging a guitar in the stuff to see if it would work, but that only made him sadder because of all the wasted Scotch.
But today things were about to change. A notification popped up on Deke’s computer: a message from The Brainiac.
“Hey Tee, I think we’ve got a lead on some radioactive Scotch. The Brainiac says he knows the one guy in the world who might still have a bottle of the stuff.”
Tee Bone instantly perked up.
“You know, I just remembered I needed to pick something up in Toronto too,” he grinned.
“I bet you did,” Deke replied with a smile. “I’ll let The Brainiac know we’re coming.”
A few days later, Deke and Tee Bone were in this strange land where albums released earlier than everywhere else. Or so that’s what they had been led to believe. Following The Brainiac’s directions they reached a small, weathered building. In peeling paint was the name Trillion Dollar Treats.
“This is the place”, Deke said, putting his phone back in his pocket.
They walked inside and were instantly confronted by shelf upon shelf of all manner of strange items, most of which they had never seen before in their lives. Some things were easy to identify, such as a jar of whiskey and a vintage Les Paul guitar, but others were completely undecipherable.
“What’s a belljar?”, Deke asked.
“Not what we’re after”, Tee Bone said, hurrying him along.
Emerging from the aisle, they sighted The Brainiac by the counter.
“Tee! Deke! Glad you could make it. It’s great to see you,” he called out.
“Totally. It’s been too long.” Tee Bone said, “You wouldn’t believe what we’ve got up to since that night in Thunder Bay.”
“I’m sure it’ll be a hell of a story,” the Brainiac smiled.
“You bet. We even got all the way out to Australia,” Deke chimed in.
“Oh it would be like hell there,” the Brainiac replied thinking of summer.
“Actually, hell’s a bit different. You see…”
But before Tee Bone could continue the front door swung open and a long haired man with a leather jacket and pants visibly scuffed from all the rock star slides strode in.
“This would be the man,” the Brainiac said. “Gentlemen, meet Max the Axe.”
Max greeted the trio.
“Hey guys, always happy to see some more potential customers. I take it these are the guys you told me about Mike?”
“Yep,” the Brainiac replied. “This is Deke and Tee Bone.”
Max shook our heroes’ hands and then put his arms around their shoulders.
“Say, you guys wouldn’t be interested in some authentic space marine blasters would ya?”
“Max,” the Brainiac chided before Tee Bone could ask him exactly where he got such items from. “You know why they’re here.”
“Right, right”, he said, walking to behind the counter and dumping a bag of assorted items out. “But first, you wouldn’t be able to tell what any of this is would you?”
The Braniac studied the items.
“Well that was a THX-1138 targeting computer, but the screen’s broken so it’s not much use.”
“Can you fix it?” Max asked.
“I can replace the screen but not with anything military grade enough to justify the price you’d ask.”
Max glumly tossed the piece of machinery to the Brainiac.
“All yours then.”
Deke was in heaven.
“Your collection is very impressive. I know a guy who’d like to get his hands on a lot of this stuff,” he said, with a wink to Tee Bone.
“Oh you mean Satan?” Max replied. “Yeah, he and I have had some altercations in the past. Needless to say he doesn’t come around here no more.”
“Really?” Tee Bone said, quite impressed and genuinely interested. “How did you manage to come to that arrangement?”
Max pulled a heavy guitar out from behind the counter and laid it down with a thud. It had a large blade on each end of the body.
“Ah,” Tee Bone said, noticing the parademon heads mounted on the wall above them.
“Now Mike tells me you were after a bottle of radioactive Scotch. Hypothetically, if I happened to have one, what would you use it for?”
Tee Bone and Deke looked at one another.
“We need to get Tee Bone his super-powered guitar back,” Deke said after a pause.
“Just checking it’s you,” Max said, unlocking a mystical safe behind the counter.
Soon Max had the bottle in his hand and was carefully handing it to Tee Bone.
“How did you come by this?” Tee Bone whispered, his eyes wide.
“I bought it at one of William W. Roderick Stewart III’s garage sales. This stuff’s like liquid gold, you know?”
Tee Bone took a step back in awe. Deke rubbed his temples in frustration. Of course Stewart would just sell the most valuable liquid in the world at a garage sale.
“How much for it” Tee Bone asked, his voice hollow.
Max smiled.
“Any friend of the Brainiac is a friend of me. I know who you guys are. You can have it free of charge on one condition- I’m going on an expedition to South America next month to recover some ancient artefacts, so I’ll need you guys to keep an eye on the shop during your patrols.”
“Done. Thank you,” Tee Bone replied instantly.
“The Brainiac will be running the store while I’m gone,” Max continued “so if you need to get a message to me about anything, just let him know and he’ll pass it on.”
“Will do,” Deke nodded.
“And feel free to drop in anytime,” the Brainiac added.
“You can count on it,” Tee Bone replied as the heroes exited the building.
“Hey, you guys wouldn’t be interested in a tape deck as well, would you?” Max yelled after them.
Back in the palace, Tee Bone had just finished soaking the guitar in the radioactive Scotch. Tenderly picking it up, he weighed it in his hands.
“How is it?” Deke asked.
Tee Bone struck a power chord that surged through the room. Every little piece of dust around was picked up and neatly guided itself into the trash can at the end of the room.
“It’s perfect!” he said.
THE ADVENTURES OF TEE BONE MAN: PHASE ONE – THE ________ SAGA
Chapter Zero: Tee Bone Man – Origins (by LeBrain)
Chapter One: A Friend in Need (by LeBrain)
Chapter Two: Hell Freezes Over (by Harrison Kopp)
Chapter Three: Hell Ain’t A Bad Place to Be (by LeBrain)
Chapter Four: Tee Bone Man and the Rink of…Doom? (by Aaron KMA)
Chapter Five: The Super Duper Vault (by John T. Snow)
Chapter Six: Tee Bone Man Goes to Camp (by LeBrain)
Chapter Seven: The Revenge of Common Knowledge (by LeBrain)
Chapter Eight: Tee Bone & Deke’s Time Travelling Adventure (by 80sMetalMan)
Chapter Nine: Castle Communications (by Harrison Kopp)
Chapter Ten: The Case of the Lost Iron Maiden Socks (by LeBrain)
Chapter Eleven: A Tee Bone Man Christmas (by all five of us)
Chapter Twelve: Lost In Space (by John T. Snow)
Chapter Thirteen: Clip Show (by LeBrain)
Chapter Fourteen: Tee Bone Man and Superdekes Discover the Tao (An Intermission) (By Aaron KMA)
Chapter Fifteen: Status Acoustic – The Really Big Deal (by Harrison Kopp)
Chapter Sixteen: A Crazy Crazy Night (parts 1, 2 and 3) (by Harrison Kopp) Coming this spring
Chapter Seventeen: Tee Bone Man vs. Edie Van Heelin’ (by LeBrain & California Girl) Coming this summer – conclusion to Phase One
THE ADVENTURES OF TEE BONE MAN: PHASE TWO – THE MULTIVERSE SAGA
Chapter Eighteen: Shinzon – Origins (By LeBrain)
THE WRITER’S ROOM
The Writer’s Room: Chapter One
The Writer’s Room: It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like a Tee Bone Man Christmas
The Writer’s Room: Welcome to the Writer’s Room!
THE ADVENTURES OF EDIE VAN HEELIN’
The Adventures of Edie Van Heelin’: Edie vs. Tommy Lee in the Bouncy Castle of Doom! (By LeBrain)
The Adventures of Edie Van Heelin’: Edie and the Quest for the Lost Lego (By LeBrain with Harrison Kopp)
The Adventures of Edie Van Heelin’: Edie Van Heelin’s Canadian Vacation (By LeBrain)
The Adventures of Edie Van Heelin’: Edie Van Heelin’s Canadian Vacation Part 2 (By LeBrain & California Girl)
The Adventures of Edie Van Heelin’: Edie Meets the Wolf (by LeBrain)
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