Record Store Tales

Part 63: Open Late

One of the best thing about working Sundays that first year was that it was a short day.Β  We were only open noon ’til 4.Β  It was usually a quiet day and you coul get a lot done.Β 

Saturdays, on the other hand, usually sucked.Β  That was a long lonely day (8 hours, by yourself) and you usually ended the day with more work to do than you started with.Β  Yet the consolation was when 6 o’clock rolled around, we were closed and I was going home….

Not Easter Saturday 1995!Β  My Aunt from Calgary had just flown in and had surprised me by meeting me at work to drive me home.Β  She popped in at around 5:30 and gave me a big hug.

“What time do you get off?Β  I’ll drive you home.”Β  I normally walked to work so that was fine by me.Β  I told her that I’d be done cashing out at quarter after she bought some music (Forrest Gump if I recall).

My Aunt stepped out to wait for me in the mall.Β  However, even though it was almost 6, people kept pouring in, it looked like one giant family.Β 

“Can I help you guys find anything today?” I asked.

“No, we’re fine, thanks,” replied the patriarch of this particular clan.

6 o’clock.Β  I pulled our sign in fromΒ  the hallway, and slid the door partway shut.Β  I went to the cash register and waited.Β  A last-minute straggler bought a cassette, and I opened the door to let him out, and closed it again.Β  Incredibly,Β after I closed the door, some more people from this one family arrived,Β opened it, and poured in!Β 

I just kind of stared like I didn’t see it happen.Β  Like, why do we bother closing?Β  Hey folks, let’s stay open 24 FREAKIN’ HOURS A DAY!

My Aunt was waiting outside clearly confused.

Half an hour later, she knocked on the store window.Β  I opened the door.

“How long do you think you’ll be?”

“I have no idea…these people are pissing me off!”

I reminded them that we were closed, and asked if I could help them find anything.

“No.Β  Just lookin’,” the patriarch replied.

Jesus Murphy!Β  The clocked ticked on, and finally they were done.Β  A few of the kids bought some cassettes, and the transactions took forever because kids always seem to pay in change….

I was out around 7.Β  Luckily having my Aunt in town salvaged what was a pretty rotten Saturday!

Part 62: Creepy Danny (Spice up your life!)

Nobody shall ever forget Creepy Danny. So named, because some of the girls at the store were really creeped out by him. Me, I think he was harmless albeit annoying as hell. Sometimes, I wonder how people like Creepy Danny managed to function (feed, clothe themselves) on a daily basis.

Creepy Danny was this short little guy who somewhat resembled a human troll. HeΒ seemed…not right in the head. He had a high, whispery voice with a lisp and stutter, and tended to repeat the same question over and over again in the same breath. And he liked Spice Girls, a lot.

β€œD-d-d-do you have Spice Girls? Do you have Spice Girls?”

Once you’d show him Spice Girls, the next inevitable questions were (not necessarily in this order):

β€œD-d-d-do you like Spice Girls? I like Geri. Do you like Spice Girls? Do you like Geri? I like Geri best. Then Scary, Baby, Posh and Sporty. Do you like Spice Girls?Β  Have you seen the v-v-v-video for ‘Spice Up Your Life’?Β  P-p-people of the world! Spice up your life!”

There was no stopping Creepy Danny when he was on about Spice Girl.

β€œI heard th-th-th-that Geri quit Spice Girls. Is that true, is that true?”

He was indeed crushed when I told him that Ginger was no longer a Spice Girl.

However, it wasn’t many months before he started asking the next, inevitable question:

β€œD-d-d-do you have the newΒ CD by G-G-G-Geri Halliwell? D-d-do you have Geri Halliwell?”

I think I sold about 3 copies of that album in total by the way.

But he was harmless. He just took a lot of babysitting, and time out of your day, and two Advil.

The phone would ring. I’d hear that high stuttering voice. β€œD-d-d-do you have Backstreet Boys?” Sometimes, I would hand the phone over to someone else. β€œBrad, it’s for you.” And then hand him off to Creepy Danny.

I have a theory about Creepy Danny.

He was simply too bizarre to have been a real persona. In all my years at the store, I have never met anyone as purely strange yet functional as Creepy Danny. I believe that Creepy Danny was actually a University Sociology masters student, and it was a persona he adopted in public as some sort of elaborate social experiment, to see how people treat those who are different.

I imagined a scenario where I might catch Creepy Danny out of character. I imagined that one night, I would be out for a nice expensive dinner at Charcoal Steakhouse. I would be there with a girl, and at the next candlelit table, there is Danny, with a knock-out babe. He pours the wine. He catches a glimpse of me. A glimmer of recognition. Suddenly, he reverts back to character! β€œD-d-d-do you like Spice Girls?”

That’s the way I imagined it unfolding. My theory was never proven, nor disproven. But in my mind, a character as weird as Danny was simply had to be cooked up by a student. There’s no other way!

Part 61: Obsessive Compulsive / REVIEW – Oasis Live (1994)

 

I’ve always had a little obsessive-compulsive in me.Β  This really came out when I started collecting music.Β  First, I had to have all the albums.Β  Then when I discovered B-sides, I had to have all of them, too.Β  Easier said than done.

Nowadays, the picture is so much more complicated.Β  While single B-sides are much more scarce today, much pricier bonus tracks have now replaced them.Β  Today, one has the choice to collect Japanese imports, for one or two elusive songs, at premium prices.Β  Or, you could choose the iTunes version for its own exclusive songs.Β  Vinyl bonus tracks are becoming more common.Β  Then, on top of that, Best Buy often have their own exclusive songs.Β  Classic Rock Magazine gets bonus tracks sometimes.Β  Occasionally, different countries will have their own additional music.

This leavesΒ the obsessive-compulsive collectorΒ in a precarious position.Β  I’ll give you this example.Β  Alice Cooper, Welcome 2 My Nightmare.Β  In order to get every song associated with this album, I purchased:

The regular retail “deluxe edition” with four bonus tracks.

The iTunes edition which had its own bonus tracks…but not the ones from the physical versions.

The vinyl version, which had its own bonus track, “Flatline”, but none of the other bonus tracks.

The single for “I’ll Bite Your Face Off”, which has a live B-side from Download festival.

 

Being obsessive-compulsive about music sucks!Β  While you can usually get things at a fair price if you are patient and wait, sometimes you will never find what you want that way.Β  You could hunt every used CD store you ever enter, but will never find some of those Maiden singles, like “Wasting Love”, for under $40.Β  At least it’s never happened to me.

When you do get lucky, you have to act, and immediately.Β  One of my biggest scores happened to be a very, very rare item by one of Trevor’s favourite bands.Β  This was a sticking point.Β  More on that later….

The guy who sold it to me was one of those customers that nobody liked, except me.Β  As such,Β I always caught a lot of grief when these customers came in, because if I was seen chatting it up with them, it was considered “socializing” and not “work” because he was my “friend”.Β  This was one of those guys.

Well, define “friend”.Β  Did I go out for drinks with this guy?Β  No.Β  Did I ever see him outside work?Β  No.Β  Did I know his birthday?Β  No.Β  Did he buy stuff?Β  Yes, which in my mind makes him a customer.Β  Chatting up customers is called “customer service” as long as it’s welcomed by the customer.Β  Anyway.Β  Off topic.

One bonus about having customers who are “friends” is that when they trade,Β they always bring their good shit straight to your store first.Β  This guy in particular had just moved in from out west and didn’t like the attitude of the downtown stores.Β  He, like me, was an obsessive compulsive music collector, so I understood his needs.Β  Like me, he wanted the stuff to complete the collection, in good condition, and we had similar definitions of “good condition”.

Condition, needless to say, is important to the obsessive compulsive collector.Β  And what he brought me one day in 1998 was in beautiful, mint condition.

It was a UK promo disc ofΒ Definitely Maybe by Oasis.Β  The bonus here was a complete live album called Oasis Live, recorded 1994-12-10 at the Cabaret Metro.

I scooped up the disc.Β  I told Trevor immediately, knowing he would not be happy that I, the lesser Oasis fan, would keep it.Β  Trevor’s point was valid.Β  “I’m the bigger Oasis fan!” he said.Β  “If I got in a Kiss CD, no matter how rare, I would always give you first crack at it.”

He was right.Β  He would.Β  That’s why I still feel guilty about it today.Β  I did tape it for him, and later on burned it for him, but even that is not the same as owning.

I never saw it again, and I don’t know anybody who’s seen it before besides me and the guy who sold it to me.Β  According to the CD notes it is a Sony UK disc, ESK 6805.Β Β As I mentioned, it wasΒ bundled with Definitely Maybe, a UK pressing, EK 66431.

As it turns out, the Oasis live album was incredible and justifiable to keep!Β  It was from the tour for the first album, and they played loads of those songs and some B-sides.Β  It has some of those classic Liam and Noel moments.

Liam – “This one’s called Up In The Sky!”

Noel – “No it’s not, it’s called Bring It On Down!”

And, of course, Liam singsΒ his “I’d like to buy the world a Coke…”Β line during “Shakermaker”.

It’s an excellent recording.Β  Sounds like a small venue, which I find always seem to produce the best sounding live albums.Β  The band are playing with the youth and energy with which they began.Β  Liam sneers his way through the songs and there’s a minimum of talking.Β  No ballads.Β  Rest assured, when you see “Fade Away” on the tracklisting, it’s the electric version, not the acoustic!

I love this disc.Β  I didn’t even buy Familiar to Millions, because this one satisfies.

5/5 stars.

Your track listing:

  1. Rock and Roll Star
  2. Columbia
  3. Fade Away
  4. Digsy’s Dinner
  5. Shakermaker
  6. Live Forever
  7. Bring It On Down
  8. Up In The Sky
  9. Slide Away
  10. Cigarettes and Alcohol
  11. Married With Children
  12. Supersonic
  13. I Am The Walrus

 

Part 60: Back to the Start

Holy crap!Β  Part 60 already?Β  I hope you’ve been enjoying the Record Store Tales so far.Β  For this sort-of-but-not-really-special edition, I’m going to take you back to the start.Β 

Marko FoxΒ asked me today, “LeBrain, how did you get to be LeBrain?”Β  Well, it was a unique set of circumstances Marko.

1. Obsession.Β  Ever since I was a kid I think I was an obsessive-compulsive collector.Β  I had to have every Star Wars figure, I had to have all their names memorized, I had to have it all.

2. Rock Magazines.Β  The first rock magazine I ever bought was an old Circus special on Kiss.Β  All my friends seemed to know all the important details about bands:Β  Which guy was the bassist and which played guitar, the names of the members, the brands of the guitars.Β  I decided to needed to catch up and so I started reading magazines.

3. The Power Hour.Β This MuchMusic show ran for an hour, twice a week.Β  Two hours of pure rock a week!Β  I taped them religiously and never missed one until I got my first part-time job.

4. Columbia House.Β  Remember them?Β  Buy 11 CDs for a penny, get 2 free, and only have to buy 8 more at regular club prices within the next two years?Β  We got Columbia House when I was in grade 11, my sister and I, and we split it evenly.Β  I read the Columbia House catalog cover to cover every month.Β  So that meantΒ I not only knew who Iron Maiden was, but also Miles Davis, Bell Biv Devoe, and Alan Jackson.

Those four factors sealed into my brain and endless stream of musical knowledge and listening experience that has only grown with the the birth of the Interweeb.

Jump-cut to 1994.Β  It is July.Β  I just started at the record store a few days ago.Β  My boss is having me file discs to get to know the inventory.Β  He is shocked that I know where to file Miles Davis.Β  He is surprised that I know which Alan Jackson album has “Chattahoochee” on it.Β  He asks me how I know this stuff?Β  I tell him, “Columbia House!”

It wasn’t too long before I was teaching him things, too.Β  I remember I bought a disc for stock by Pigface (Fook).Β  The next day he took me aside, holds up the CD, and says, “What is this that you bought?Β  You paid $4 for this?”Β  I said, “Yeah.Β  Side project of Ministry.”Β  That was when I became known as the guy who knew the side projects from just about everybody.

He was more than happy to stock something if I told him I know it would sell.Β  With him knowing what was going on with the charts, and Trevor knowing what was happening with new rock, we were a formidable force.

So there you go, Marko.Β  That is how LeBrain became LeBrain.Β  You’ll note that two of the four contributing factors don’t exist anymore, so perhaps there could never have been a LeBrain if not for the 80’s!

Part 58.5: S*** My Dad Says

By popular demand: Another quote from my dad!

While watching country music on TV:Β 

“Is that Shania Twain?Β  And her brother, Choo-Choo?”

Part 58: Klassic Kwotes VII!

1. “This is going to be worth a lot of money, one day.”Β  Said in regards to Elton John’s “Candle in the Wind” remake single.Β  Yeah.Β  He sold about a zillion of them, which people bought multiple copies of (one to play and one to keep sealed!) and now are in every bargain bin across the continent…usually at 99 cents.

2. Phil Lynott proclaimed that “Tonight there’s gonna be a jailbreak, somewhere in this town.”Β  One day while listening to this track at work, Neil retorted:Β  “Somewhere in this town?Β  Maybe they should start by checking at the jail.”

3. A wave of the hand.Β  “You don’t need to see my identification.”Β  This Jedi mind trick was cast upon me (jokingly, I assure you) by a witty young man after I asked him for ID while selling CDs.Β  Fortunately, I am a Headbanger.Β  Mind tricks do not work on me!

4. “I’m buying two CD’s.Β  Do I get a discount?”Β  Two discs?Β  Really?Β 

5. I came home from work one day with a CD sized bag in my hand.Β  My very frugal father said to me (in “that tone”), “What did you go and waste your money on this time?”Β  I said, “Dad, it’s the new album by Kiss!”Β  His classic response:Β  “Kiss?Β  Don’t you already have them?”

I don’t know why he’s flapping his arms

6. While we’re on my dad.Β  During the Pepsi Power Hour, he used to like to stroll into the living room, heads clasped to his ears in mock agony, and say, “What’s wrong with that man on the TV?Β  He’s screaming like he’s in pain!Β  Does he have appendicitis?”

7. Finally, my dad has a penchant for mispronouncing the names of things he dislikes.Β  For example, “Who is this Lady Googoo person I see on TV?”

8. A guy in a green suit carrying a briefcase walked up to the counter.Β  “I have to go to court tomorrow and I want some music to get me psyched up.Β  Do you have the Clockwork Orange soundtrack?”Β  (Same guy who, another time, asked us, “Do you like the drugs?”)

9. Some questions don’t bug you so much, unless the same person asks the same question over and over again.Β  One guy kept asking me, “Do you have Black Sabbath, 1991?”Β  I’d tell him that there is no such album.Β  In fact 1991 was the first year in several that Sabbath failed to release an album.Β  “Do you have Black Sabbath, 1991?”Β  No!Β  Nobody has it, because that’s a made up name!

10. “Hello, it’s Matt’s mother, would Matt be available?”Β  This perfectly innocent question was asked of one of our new guys, Chris.Β  Chris responded, “Yeah, he’s outside having a smoke, I’ll go get him.”Β  Problem:Β  Matt’s mother did not know he smoked!

Part 57: Top Five Things A Record Store Smells Like

5.Β  Hopefully the most obvious one.Β  Farts!Β At least when the guy code named “Steven Tyler” or I were working.Β Β We ate a lot of fast food.

4. Fast Food.Β  We were constantly eating Subway,Β Lick’s,Β McDonalds, or Burger King depending on location.Β  Subway was and always shall be my weapon of choice, but it was BK’s Kong sized triple stacker that made the store smell like beef for days.Β  Strangely, my addiction to fast food only got worse after seeing Super Size Me.

3. B.O.Β  If wasn’t the customers, every once in a while, we’d get stuck with a stinky employee.Β 

2. Rancid Coffee.Β  One employee who shall go unnamed was prone to drink two or three of the damn things a day, and then throwing her coffee (unfinished) into the garbage (bag).Β  And then not take out the garbage.Β  Also, any customer carrying a Tim Horton’s cup always leftΒ their emptiesΒ on the counter, or even classier, on the CD shelves.

1. Air Freshener.Β  Thank you, Glade.

Part 56: Top Five Flops

This isn’t some definitive list or anything like that.Β  Just five memories that stand out among the others:Β  my Top Five Flops.

#5.Β The Rolling Stones – Bridges to Babylon.Β  I know this album didn’t sit well for a few people, but we just flat out ordered too many.Β  They started coming in used within days and before too long, we had so many used copies that they were starting to show up in bargain bins.Β  Never a good sign when you’re the so-called greatest rock and roll band on Earth.

#4. Van Halen – III.Β  Same deal.Β  We ordered 50 copies.Β  I don’t know why.Β  This one was going to be a flop even before it was released.Β  Gary Cherone had no marquee value whatsoever in 1998.Β  We ordered 50, we ended up selling (probably) 5.

#3.Β  Hole – Live Through This.Β  Yes, it was huge in 199x, but by the late 90’s, you would have been a fool to pay more than $5.99 for this stinker, such was the frequency of the trade-ins.

#2. Titanic – Soundtrack.Β  Yeah, yeah, I know.Β  One of the biggest soundtracks of all time.Β  Well, as soon as Celine put out her own album with “My Life Will Go On” on it, the trade-ins began.Β  At one point we were bundling it with DVDs and VHS tapes just to get it out of the store.

#1.Β  Spin Doctors – Turn It Upside Down.Β Β  I recall at one point we had something like 20 copies, used, in stock.Β  We couldn’t give it away even for $3.99.Β Β I wouldn’t know from listening to it, but I am pretty sure that it sucks.Β Β  It sold so infrequently, thatΒ I would be willing to bet that there are still copies in the 10-15 year-old-range, sitting thereΒ unsold today.