Hello, all, when we last met, we were talking about a weird record store stalker.Β Today, we’re going to be talking about record store groupies.
Now, I dunno about other guys.Β I didn’t have too many groupies.Β (SpoogecakesΒ does not count as a groupie, as she was not a customer, just a psycho employee.)Β Some of the girls did.Β I remember Ashleigh had a couple admirers that we fondly referred to as “the Trekkies”.Β Me, on the other hand…I had Tall One and Short One.
Problem:Β If memory serves, Tall One was about 15, and Short One was about 16.Β I was about 30.Β Β
But the really weird thing is that Tall One and Short One had both simultaneously shitty, and awesome musical taste.Β Β It was like…SchrΓΆdinger’s taste.Β In the same transaction, they would purchase both Steve Vai, and the Moffats.Β They later graduated onΒ to Kiss.
Second weird thing.Β That was a decade ago, and bizarrely through Facebook we re-contacted.Β Tall One evenΒ came to my pre-wedding garage sale and bought some of my crap!Β A lot of my crap, actually.
Everybody used to give me a hard time about Tall One and Short One, because they used to come in all the time, but I couldn’t be mean to them.Β Well, I was mean a couple times, I had to tell them to get lost I was busy.Β But then other times, theyΒ would comeΒ in with a huge box of Crispy Creme donuts.Β That time, I remember I ate four in a row.
“You ate four in a row?”Β Short One later said.Β “Do you know that each donut is like eating two Big Macs?”
“Uhhh…no?” I said.
“Congratulations, you ate eight Big Macs.Β Those were for everybody!Β Did you share?”
“Uhhh…a couple.”
So there you go.Β I’m sure other record store guys have better groupie stories.Β But did they get Cripsy Creme?Β Exactly!
When I first started at the store, my first day, my new boss gave me the orientation.Β We were both young, early 20’s.Β Β It went very well.Β I was excited.Β I’ll never forget one thing he said:
I think you’ll find that it’s hard work, but rewarding and fun work.Β You get to listen to music while you work, the discount is really good, and you’ll meet so many girls here.Β Trust me, this is the best place to meet them.
That proved not to be the case.
Flash forward:Β JuneΒ 2004.
In the 10 years since,Β I had not once — not even once! —Β dated a girl through work.Β Granted I’m kind of an idiot when it comes to girls.Β Never did know how to talk to them without sounding like the biggest idiot in the world.Β Β Also I somehow pick up a stutter when talking to them.
Anyway, year after year, I stuttered my way through a decade of probablyΒ talking like an idiot in front of hundreds of female customers.
One sunny afternoon in June, I was working the late shift.Β It was a really nice day, a “windows open” kind of day.
I was working with this guy Matt.Β Around 6 or so, I had to step out to pick up some boxes from another location.Β Rush,Β “Summertime Blues” was on the radio, the first time I ever heard it. Β When I returned toΒ the storeΒ about 45 minutes later, I said, “Matt!Β Holy shit man, I just heard the new Rush from their covers album.Β It’s amazing man!”
Ignoring me, he said,”Did you see those two blonde girls in the store before you left?”
I said, “Yeah, the two hot ones?”
Matt responded, “Well one was hot, the other looked like the Angry Walrus.Β That one left you a note.”
He handed me a piece of yellow paper with a kitten on it.Β It just said “Paula” and then a phone number.
“Seriously?” I asked him.
“Seriously.Β I wouldn’t make something like this up, man.”
Good enough for me.Β The one he referred to as “the so-so one” looked good to me!Β The glorious prophecy of my boss has come true!
I called the number on the paper and we agreed to go out for coffee.Β I asked her about the note she left, I told her that’s never happened to me before.Β She told me she was there with her friend, she noticed me there, but I left before she could hand me the note personally.Β So she asked Matt if he could give me her note.
We went out four or five times, but it clearly wasn’t happening.Β And that’s where it gets weird.
When she sent me the “Let’s just be friends,” email, she added a double whammy for me.Β She told me that the story about seeing me in the store and leaving the note was actually a frabrication.
See, she’d see myΒ profile on some site somewhere, and I must have said that I worked in a record storeΒ in the tri-city area.Β Rather than get an account and send me a message like a normal person would, she tried something different.
“Well,” she began, “in your profile you said you worked in a CD store.Β You said you were from the KW-Cambridge area.Β There was a picture of you there, so I figured I could just checking stores until I found you.”Β Pardon?Β “I’m sorry I lied about just walking in and seeing you there.Β Anyway, you’re cool and I’m cool but it’s just not happening, so…”
So…that was mildly creepy and I didn’t feel so bad about it not working out after that!
Sometimes, things just came into the store that no matter the cost, you had to get it. You’ve all seen Pawnstars, right? It could get that way. 99% of transactions were pretty ordinary, but sometimes you’d get a pretty wild score, and you couldn’t back down.
You’d see imports, singles, bootlegs, promos, special editions, bonus tracks, bonus discs, and sometimes damn near complete collections of several artists.Β Tom tells the legend of a guy who came in selling a near complete Zappa collection.
There was one guy that I just loved. We’ll call him C. He was addicted to hard rock, heavy metal, and Euro metal. He was a collector and he had numerous Japanese imports. And frequently, he sold us those Japanese imports, of just about anything decent. A few that weren’t so decent, but very very few.Β I don’t know where he got the stuff, and I didn’t ask.Β None of my business!
Thanks to C, I have a pretty close to complete collection of Japanese Harem Scarem imports, Bruce Dickinson, and Journey. Whoop de do for a lot of you, but these things are mucho expensivo to buy! Why?
In Japan, it is actually cheaper to buy a CD imported from America then their own (superior) domestic product.Β So the Japanese counteract this by putting bonus tracks on their domestic product.Β Much of time, these are songs specifically exclusive to Japan.
A really good example of a song written and recorded specifically for the Japanese market would be “Tokyo is Burning” from W.A.S.P.‘s K.F.D. album.Β Another would be “Himalaya” by Glenn Tipton.Β (Ignore that the Himalaya mountains are not in Japan, please, I’m guessing Glenn didn’t know that when he wrote it.)
There are collectors in every city and every town who pay premius prices to get these discs imported here from Japan.Β Average prices can run from $35 to $50 for a single disc, much more if you’re talking about multi-disc sets.Β The most I ever paid for a single Japanese disc (new) was $80Β Β (Come Hell Or High Water by Deep Purple), and the least I paid (new) was the “Woman From Tokyo” single by the same band.
So back to the point, these discs were worth coin.Β And C might actually bring in 4 or 5 at a time.Β Β I recall he brought in 4 Harem Scarem imports at one time, each with bonus tracks.
Now, C wasn’t stupid.Β He knew that if he didn’t get what he wanted for the discs, he could try downtown where there were more collectors and afficianos, andΒ fewer hockey moms.Β However, he also knew it would be much easier to come to me personally, because I knew what I was doing when it came to imports.
And frequently, since I was usually seeing stuff I wanted for my own collection, I’d be willing to up the ante when needed.Β Since I frequented Amazon, I knew exactly what these things were worth.
One of the coolest things he ever brought in was a Helloween Japanese box set, 4 discs.Β I’m shooting myself in the foot for not picking it up back then.Β I’ll never see it again, I’m sure.Β
Often, the Japanese imports were packaged with extra goodies:Β stickers, extra booklets, patches, posters.Β To find a used Japanese import with these goodies still intact was very rare.Β That ups the value as well.Β And for the ultimate collector, Japanese discs come with something called an obi-strip.Β They are a piece of paper with Japanese writing on it, that goes over the jewel case of the CD.Β This is what they look like:Β click to embiggen
Β Β Β Because the obi strip is actually outside the jewel case, it’s hard to keep,Β and most people end upΒ throwing them away.Β Add a couple bucks to the end value of a CDΒ if the obi strip isΒ intact.Β See how this goes?
Unfortunatley, Β C usually threw out to obi strips, so most of my Japanese imports lack them.Β You can easily store the obi strip by putting your CD in a sandwich bag as you can see with my Bon Jovi single.Β
One of the drawbacks of dealing with C is that he became used to a certain level of money when he came in.Β And, nobody else liked C.Β They all hated him.Β I heard it had something to do with him chewing gum when he talked.Β Never mind the cool-ass shit he brought into the store that nobody else in town could get!Β So, negotiations could get heavy.Β He knew what his stuff was worth, and if I could have owned it all, I would have!
Another situation where negotiations could get fierce were with large sales.Β The largest I ever saw was an estate sale.Β I can’t remember how many discs we looked at.Β I’m thinking the number is close to 3000, allΒ in one shot.Β I think they were in these big gray convention containers that could hold about 400 each.Β And there were 7 containers, plus a few boxes.Β And in this case, it was good, good shit.Β Sometimes, you’d buy a handful of crappy stuff just to get a mountain of good stuff.Β Because the seller often wanted them all gone and not to deal with them anymore.Β Β Clear slate.
When going through these big estate sales, you’d often haveΒ a pile of awesome jazz titles alone that probablyΒ numbered in the hundreds.Β Blues, same deal.Β Of course you’d also get boxes of crap, but sometimes you’d take it just to get to the blues and jazz titles.Β
Inevitably, there were times when you just could not justify asking as much as the customer wanted.Β I remember, very unhappily, having to turn down this Rolling Stones CBS years box set, which came with a bonus EP.Β The box even had this neat paper tongue.Β I just couldn’t give the guy what he wanted and still make any money off the thing.
Another one that sucked to turn down was the CultCollection 1984-1990Β box set. This sucker is hard to find. I just couldn’t give the guy what he wanted.Β I wanted it for myself as it was, so I was willing to go even higher than the call of duty allowed.Β Alas, it was not to be.Β Thankfully, most of those tracks have been released on the Rare Cult boxed set(s), which I have…thanks to C!
Other great box sets I got from C:Β Black Sabbath‘s The Black Box.Β Bon Jovi’s 100,000,000 Bon Jovi Fans Can’t Be Wrong.Β Metalogy, by Judas Priest, complete with limited edition DVD.Β A complete Motley CrueMusic to Crash Your Car To box set with the poster and stuff still inside.
Sometimes you’d see stuff that, if you don’t grab it, you’ll never see it again.Β One of my treasures is an Aussie import of Faith No More‘s Angel Dust with a 4 song bonus disc called Free Concert in the Park.Β Snagged it.Β Never seen again.Β On the Faith No More front, I also picked up a split live bootleg album with King’s X called Kings of the Absurd.Β I have the first Tea Party album, which actually came in more than once.Β I paid at least $50 for it.Β Possibly $100, I don’t remember anymore.Β There was at least one album that we could sell for $100, which was Standing in the Dark by Platinum Blonde.Β And people would pay it.Β I was offered a $100 reward once to find the album, as in, whatever the CD cost if I found it, plus a $100 finder’s fee.Β I never did find it, but I later picked up Alien ShoresΒ at a cool hole in the wall in Stratford, and gave it to Peter.
Nowadays, just about everything I want is available from my sofa, even if it’s located in Japan. eBay and Amazon have changed everything about finding rare music.Β Just a few weeks ago I snagged the Japanese disc of You Wanted the Best, You Got the Best!! by Kiss.Β Been hunting for that since 1996.Β Β Never seen it for sale anywhere, and the one I got was mint.Β Got it for $40.Β Incredibly, a month or so ago, I found one of the last two Maiden singles that I still needed.Β I got “Hallowed Be Thy Name (Live)” for $35.Β This single, thought at the time to be Dickinson’s swan song with the band, features a cover of Eddie impaling Bruce through the chest!
My advice to aspiring collectors out there:Β Pick your #1Β favourite band, and start on Wikipedia.Β Explore the discography, and see what you’re missing.Β Check eBay and see what the pricing is like.Β Then hunt until you find one at the right price.Β Good luck!
I can’t help it.Β When a good song comes on, it’s an unconscious reaction:Β I start strumming the chords in air guitar…beating the air drums…slappin’ da bass! Β (Nobody plays air keyboards.)
Everybody around me wasΒ embarrassedΒ to the nines.Β But you can’t stop the rock!
I jumped on counters.Β I even once jumped down on the floor and did the Angus Young spinny spinny thing.Β When there were no customers.Β Sometimes I had to jump right off the counter as a guy was coming in.
“Yeah…heh…just playing some air guitar…”
The first time I was ever caught playing air guitar at work, it was actually at my first job at the grocery store.Β I was working in the parcel pickup area, and it was March break, about 11 in the morning, and it was dead down there.Β So they get you to sweep up the area, clean it up real good.Β And we had a tape deck down there.Β Well, I started playing air-broom-guitar when one of the assistant managers walked in.Β He just smiled.Β Probably thought I was half out of my mind.
My air guitar at weddings is now legendary.Β It is now tradition that I get down on the dance floor and do the Angus Young spinny-spinny during “You Shook Me All Night Long”.Β Last time, I did it in a kilt.Β Don’t worry, I didn’t wear the kilt “traditionally”.
Air guitar is an expression of one’s connection to the rock.Β If the rock connects, then the air guitars come out.Β Next thing you know, you’re doing Van Halen on the countertops, pretending it’s the “Hot For Teacher” video.Β It happens!
Towards the end of the record store days, I was prone to growing an awesome beard.Β I also wear glasses and enjoy wearing baseball hats.Β Because of this, and an obsessiveΒ love of movies, I was told that I kinda-sorta-in-a-weird way resembled Steven Speilberg.Β Β Β
But not quite enough, so instead my nickname became SeΓ±or Spielbergo.
I grew back the SeΓ±or Spielbergo beard this year!Β It’s much more grey.Β I tricked my wife into letting me grow it back.Β I told her it was my “playoff beard”.
But, the Rangers were eliminated, so I have to shave it.Β She told me so.Β So this is your last look (in 2012) at the SeΓ±or Spielbergo/playoff beard!Β It was an awesome beard.Β Easily the best since the record store days!
Everybody thinks working at a record store is all fun and games, but we worked harder than most.Β As such, chatting was frowned upon.Β For example I got in shit one time because a guy that I worked with had just bought the Nirvana box set, and wanted to show me.
Another manager at another store figured out how you could do “instant messaging” back and forth using our computer system.Β The first time he sent me one, it was completely unexpected.
I’ll back up a bit to set the context.Β This other guy, Joe, always joked with me that he had a thing for my mom.Β He saw me with my mom one day and started making comments like, “Your mom’s hot.Β I’m totally going to steal her from your dad.”
When he really wanted to bug me, he’d say, “After I marry your mom, I’m going to make you call me dad!”
Anyway, it was all in good fun, it was a running joke.Β I probably made jokes just as crude back to him.
One morning I was opening the store, and my computer beeped the sound that told me, “An order just arrived, please read me!”Β So I did.Β Only the order looked something like this.
ARTIST:Β I’m totally going to
TITLE:Β bone your mom.
Of course it was Joe, and he was a genius for figuring this out.Β He clicked on a CD to order from my store, only he figured out that after doing so, he could delete the text and replace it with anything else.Β As soon as I saw the message I realized how he’d done it, and I messaged him back.
So, periodically through the weeks, my computer would beep, only it wouldn’t be an order.Β It was a message from Joe usually saying something crude about my mom, or telling me, “I just took a massive shit that stunk up the entire store.”Β Stuff like that.Β It made me laugh, and back to the job.
Just thinking about these messages are making me laugh, man, he used to send some messed up shit!
This only lasted a few weeks.Β One Monday morning, before I opened, we were caught.Β One of the operations people was at the counter when my computer beeped.Β Well wouldn’t you know it?Β It was some X-rated message regarding my mom.Β It didn’t take much for Operations to figure out who the two guilty parties were.Β We were interrogated as to who invented this trick (they didn’t believe me that I hadn’t) and warned that it wasn’t going to happen again.
Ahh well.
On a closing note:Β My mom reads my blog.Β Mom did know about Joe’s “crush” on her.Β Until now I don’t think she knew how graphic he gets.Β Sorry mom!
You could always tell the strippers when they walked in (especially in Cambridge).Β You could especially tell when they talked.Β Β They all had that Smoker’s Voice…you know the one?Β The one that makes them sound like the Bouvier sisters?Β And they all had skin the colour and texture of my jacket.
Anyway, they’d call you “hun”, or “love” or whatever. As in, would you like a bag? “No, thanks hun.”
Then they’d laugh…a big barrel “HAAA HA HA HA!” laugh, buy some dance music shit for their show, and be out the door.Β Β They’d be back every month or so to buy updated music for their acts, and they’d tell you that’s what they were buying it for.
When I was at the store, I grew a very thick skin. Unfortunately record store customers can be dicks, a considerable percentage in fact, especially when you throw in the “buy and sell” factor. Then you get people looking for money for every reason you can imagine. I’ve had people throw things at me. Iβve had people call me an asshole. Iβve had people call me gay (not that there is anything wrong with that!), question my eyesight, and question my hearing.
One guy was pissed off that his CD was too scratched for me to buy. So instead of keeping a CD that he claimed played perfectly fine, he chose to shatter it in his hands, sending little plastic shrapnel shards at my face.
Once I had a pencil thrown at my head. I canβt even remember the context anymore, but I do remember that Kam was having issues with a customer. I assume it was over the selling of used CDs to the store, it always was. Kam seemed to be struggling a bit, so I stepped over to help. Again I donβt remember the details of what happened, but he zeroed in on me, and didnβt cool down. I was probably backing Kam up in whatever he was saying. This guy was pissed. He didn’t give a shit about Kam, he asked for my name. I remember thinking, “My name? What the hell did I do to him?” He then threw the pencil at my head, and walked out.
I said to Kam, βI donβt make enough money to put up with people throwing shit at my head.β
But, like I said, you grow a thick skin. You go home and on to the next day. The only thing left is a good Record Store Tale.
When I first started out, the boss taught me a really smart lesson.
If someone comes in and asks for something we don’t have, never say, ‘I can order it for you’.Β Instead, you should say, “I can call you when the next one comes in”.
That was really smart.Β People feel guilty about ordering stuff, so not all people want to do that.Β But if you word it as if it was coming in anyway, they don’t feel bad about putting you out, and it seems like less of a big deal if they don’t pick it up.Β
Usually the next question was, “When is the next one coming in?”Β You’d give the standard answer of “one to two weeks”.Β And that usually was the case.
Except this one time, a guy walked in looking for the Stones.Β Specifically, he wanted Love You Live.Β
“Have you heard of a Rolling Stones album called Love You Live?” he began.Β Of course, I had.Β Live at the El Mocambo in Toronto.Β I knew we didn’t stock it, but the Stones were on Sony and easy to get.Β
“Yep, I know it.Β We don’t have one in right now, but I can give you a call when the next one comes in,” went the standard answer.
“Really?”Β he asked.Β “You carry that?”
“Oh sure,” I said.Β “We have usually have it in, I just sold our copy last week, so a re-stock is on order anyway,” I lied.
He seemed absolutely shocked, then overjoyed, then offered me $50 personally to get it in for him.Β That is, the price of the CD plus a $50 tip.Β That seemed a little out of place to me, but hey, guy was a fan, right?
What I neglected to do was check the catalog from our distrubuter.Β Instead, I just wrote the guy’s name and number down and told him we’d give him a call.Β Well, when the boss went to order that CD, itΒ was not in the catalogue.Β Β It also wasn’t in the importer’s catalog.Β However, that didn’t mean we couldn’t get it, so he dutifully ordered it anyway and I assumed all would be well.
For whatever reason, Love You Live (much like some other important albums like Kill ‘Em All and Garage Days) went out of print in the 90’s.Β This was usually due to record label disputes and whatnot.Β Love You Live was commanding $50 and $60 price tags, used,Β at record shows at that time.Β I was not aware of this.Β No wonder the guy seemed so excited.
Well, it took a few weeks for me to realize that the CD was not coming in.Β In those few weeks, the guy showed up every Wednesday asking if his disc was in.Β He looked so crushed every time I told him no.Β But it should be here next week.
The album was remastered and reissued in 1998 at a reasonable price, and remastered yet again in 2010 to milk it one more time.
Still, I want to personally apologize to Mr. Stones Fan for probably ruining your year.Β Sorry man.Β Β My bad.
Got this update from my buddy Aaron:
Dude
Yeah, I had to get my copy of Love You Live, at the time, in the box set I got as a gift. Covered 1971-1989. It’s a sweet live record. Especially the last four tracks of the set, holy.
My memory tells me there were others of theirs that were hard to get for a long time, too (before remasters). Couldn’t tell you which ones, though. I had them all. ;)
This was an idea that came from Kevin.Β For a while there, he was making a new mix CD every month, made up of the best stuff he was listening to in the last 30 days or so.Β The idea was, you’d have a neat chronicle of your most impactful listening experiences.Β And a good mix CD in general.
Knowing that I was into making mix discs, Kevin passed this concept down to me.Β I held it faithfully for three months.Β Then it became every other month…every six months…when I felt like it…etc.
But, the end result is, I do have a chronicle of whatever period I’m capturing on those discs.
And I called them Integrity Mix.
For example, I have one here that was made in October of 2004.Β It has goofy stuff (William Shatner).Β It has stuffΒ that reminded me of friends (“Mr. Bad Guy” by Freddie Mercury) and enemies (“Asshole” by Gene Simmons).
But there’s also a subtle common thread in some of the songs.Β This was during a long stint in Oakville.Β I was sinking pretty low at that time.Β I was spending 2 1/2 hours commuting every day, minimum.Β I was working long hours and I wasn’t eating right.Β Β I was stressed beyond my limit.Β But mostly I was lonely and homesick a lot of that time.
So you see songs with titles like “Wish I Could Be There”, “Comin’ Home”, “We Stand Alone”, “To Be Alive Again”, “By the Grace of God” and “The Battle Rages On”.Β The sounds are equally melancholy:Β “Loosen My Strings” by Deep Purple is an example, but it doesn’t get any sadder sounding than “This is the Day” by Captain Beefheart.Β The mix disc from the following month, November, got even darker.
On the other hand, I have the mix CD from the month Jen and I got married.Β It has tunes on it by Kiss (“And Then She Kissed Me”), The Darkness (“I Believe in a Thing Called Love”), the Beatles (“Here Comes the Sun”), and Zappa (“Peaches en Regalia”) which to me reflect a much more positive state of mind!
It’s cool that I have those discs, and they are always a great listen no matter what state of mind you’re in.Β Think about it:Β It’s the best of the best of the best shit you were listening to for any given month of your life.Β I don’t get embarassed by what I was listening to 10 years ago, and we always have a blast playing these in the car.
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