Stole this from a friend’s Facebook!
BLADE RUNNER (1982, 2007 Ultimate DVD edition, Warner Bros.)
Directed by Ridley Scott
The first time I saw Blade Runner, I was unimpressed. I didn’t believe it to be a bad film, but it inspired nothing inside me. However, something about it burrowed into my mind. It could have been the inspirational aesthetic, the cryptic atmosphere, or something operating deeper in my subconscious. Something I couldn’t place my finger on. Whatever it was, I had an undeniable desire to see the film again. When I acted upon that impulse, I fell in love with it. All the emotion and humanity that had eluded me on the initial viewing became elucidated the second time around. Since then, I’ve viewed the film many times. Each of my viewings reveals more secrets and offers new interpretations to this alluringly ambiguous picture.
I’m not entirely certain why Blade Runner went over my head the first time. If I had to speculate, I’d guess that my mind was so overwhelmed by the sheer visual spectacle, that I had a difficult time focusing on the movie behind it. After becoming accustomed to the astonishing world in which the story resides, it became clear to me that much more than just the design was awe-inspiring. Underneath the electronic digital exterior was a human pulse, one that beat the strongest in the characters that weren’t even human. It poses the existential question of the definition of life, and makes us wonder who should have the authority to define it.
The events take place in the future world of November 2019. Earth has become an overcrowded, polluted, and commercialized urban environment. The Tyrell Corporation manufactures synthetic human beings known as replicants. They are just as intelligent as their creators, while also possessing superior physical abilities. They’re used off-world for slave labor, and are forbidden on Earth. Deckard is a blade runner, the best there’s ever been. His job is to take out stray replicants, a process described by the euphemism ‘retiring’.
When we’re introduced to Deckard, it’s clear we’re observing a broken man. He lacks purpose, and hides his feelings of worthlessness behind alcohol and a bitter attitude. Having quit his job as a blade runner, he drifts around going through the motions. He’s living a very shallow existence, numbed by whiskey, afraid to feel, and terrified of self-reflection. He’s called in to do one last job, and does so only after being threatened by his old boss, Bryant. Six replicants escaped an off-world colony, and four made it to Earth with their lives. They’ve travelled to Earth in an attempt to extend their lives, which have been set to approximately four years. Their leader is the tactical and ruthless Roy Batty, an imposing figure played by the recently departed Rutger Hauer (R.I.P.). Deckard’s job is to retire them, as they are considered a threat to the public.
Despite being artificial, these four replicants are the most compelling characters in the film. They possess real emotions, and you can’t help but empathize with their plight for life. Their methods may be cutthroat, but understandable given the abhorrent treatment they’ve received at the hands of humans. Not excusable, but understandable. Roy is the most viscous, yet he is also the one we learn to care for the most. The other three want more life only because of their fear of death. Unlike his companions, Roy is a pensive philosopher that questions the nature of his existence, and sees the artificial manipulation of his life expectancy as an injustice perpetrated by Tyrell, his creator.
Contrarily, Deckard is a classic noir archetype inserted into a science fiction world as a way of contrasting him with his supposedly ‘less than human’ targets. He has no raison d’être, no philosophy, he simply exists. The very machines he’s been commissioned to destroy contain more human characteristics than he does. He has learned to detach himself from his emotions because somewhere inside he knows that his job is immoral. As the film progresses, it’s a truth that he finds harder and harder to deny.
His path to realization begins when he visits Tyrell at the onset of his case. While there he meets the beautiful replicant Rachel and is immediately captivated by her. Rachel isn’t initially aware that she is a replicant, as she is part of a new generation that has been fitted with memory implants. She’s rather sterile and distant at first, but ironically becomes more emotional as she comes to accept the fact that she is indeed a synthetic human being. This coincides with Deckard’s own increased feelings of guilt and empathy towards these machines as he approaches the completion of his job. Both characters struggle with the concept of humanity in a dehumanizing urban environment, falling in love as they relate to each other’s fear and uncertainty.
Meanwhile, Roy and the seductive Pris manipulate genetic designer J.F. Sebastian into leading them to Tyrell. Sebastian is afflicted with a disease that accelerates aging, allowing him to relate to and take pity on the replicants and their limited lifespan. Roy and Sebastian visit Tyrell during the dead of night, under the pretense of a chess game. Roy’s patience has been rewarded. He is finally able to face his creator. His resentment towards Tyrell for manipulating his lifespan culminates in the line “I want more life, fucker.” The profanity underscores the pent up rage. It’s an emotional slip for the previously silver-tongued devil, and a subtle hint for his surprising climactic decision at the end of the film. When Tyrell informs Roy that there is no way to extend his lifespan, he disposes of his creator and Sebastian.
Deckard learns of the deaths of Tyrell and Sebastian on his radio, and decides to check out Sebastian’s place. What follows is the infamous final confrontation between Deckard and Roy. Deckard offers absolutely no challenge to Roy. Roy’s methodical killings of before are replaced by a sadistic playfulness. Driven past the point of caring upon the realization of his inevitable mortality, he plays cat and mouse with Deckard. In the middle of their game Roy’s hand begins to seize up; his time has come. Deckard attempts to jump from one building to the next to escape, but doesn’t go the distance, grasping the edge hanging precariously high above the ground. Roy catches up to him and easily makes the jump to the next building, standing above Deckard as his fingers slip. But just as Deckard’s grip fails, Roy grasps Deckard’s arm and hoists him up onto the building, saving his life.
In this moment Roy realizes that the most human gesture he can make before death is forgiveness. Saving Deckard even after he killed all his companions was an act of mercy and forgiveness that made his final deed a human one. Roy has reached the stage of acceptance, and ponders in his death soliloquy that once someone dies, all of their memories are lost. All their experience is gone forever. As he puts it, “All those moments will be lost in time, like tears in the rain.” An immortal line written by Rutger Hauer himself, it fixes an image to the human fear that we won’t have a legacy, and that all we’ve learned and experienced will be lost forever. Roy believes that with the loss of his experiences, humans will remain ignorant of the nature of replicant life, and that humans will continue to view them as objects to be used instead of living creatures. As he dies peacefully, a dove ascends out of the oppressive city. The shot seems to suggest that Roy does have a soul, and the dove symbolizes something pure and innocent. Roy has redeemed himself by saving Deckard, and his purified spirit ascends to heaven.
Blade Runner is a pensive film. It takes its time unravelling to give the viewer a chance to think along with it. It’s about a man that learns to embrace his humanity from the very machines he’s expected to kill. He even falls in love with one. It makes us wonder what truly constitutes life, and what value a life has after it’s gone and forgotten. Blade Runner is moody, stylized, and very open to interpretation. It’s certainly not a film for everyone, but for the people that enjoy when movies offer more questions than answers, there are few that have done it better.
5/5 replicants
Version Guide
There are five distinct cuts of Blade Runner available on Blu-ray, so I figured I’d do a quick version guide and offer my opinion on the best version of the film (it’s not the Final Cut).
My favorite (short version): The director’s cut.
My favorite (long version): The green color grading of The Final Cut is awful. It buries the spectacular world and neon colors in a gross green. Using CGI to replace a face and cover up wires is also a bit too revisionist for my tastes as well. I also think the assertion that Deckard is a replicant ruins the theme of the movie. Therefore, I don’t like the unicorn dream. I also don’t like Roy apologizing to Sebastian, it’s out of character. And father just isn’t as powerful as fucker, even with the God complex connotations. As for the theatrical cuts, the narration isn’t all that awful in my eyes (it’s performed pretty badly), but it is a better film without it. It has some interesting background information, but it ruins some of the ambiguity. I do like that the theatrical cut doesn’t push the idea that Deckard is a replicant, because it’s missing the unicorn dream. The happy ending is inconsistent with the movie’s tone though. So my ideal version would be the international theatrical cut without the narration, and without the happy ending. But since we don’t have that cut, my preferred version is the director’s cut, with the international cut coming in a very close second. You should watch both of those cuts just to get the full experience. I switch back and forth depending on my mood.
This review is dedicated to Rutger Hauer. Thanks for the films, man. We’ll miss you.
As birthday celebrations creep into the following week, gifts continue to arrive!
Aaron of KMA fame is known far and wide for his generosity and creativity in finding the perfect gifts. He was worried about this one. Sending a digipack CD in a bubble mailer doesn’t always guarantee safe arrival. He threw some plastic wrap around it as an extra layer of protection from the elements. His precautions did the trick and now I am the happy owner of a signed copy of Alice Cooper’s Paranormal!
A great album, Paranormal is a fully-loaded deluxe double CD with a smoking live disc. And now I have a signed copy to top it off. Aaron and I briefly discussed what the hell would make someone trade in a signed Alice CD? I didn’t have anything signed by Alice, until now. This is a first for my collection. Whatever the circumstances, I’m glad to be the benefactor.
Thanks Aaron — you know my “Paranoiac Personality” very well!
MAX THE AXE – Overload (2008 Mutant Mind EP)
The ever-prolific Max the Axe has plenty of CDs under his belt, but the 2008 EP Overload is one of his most pleasing. Featuring vocalist Terry Guirey, Overload has six rocking tunes, clocking in at roughly 18 minutes. No fuss, no muss, no fat to be trimmed.
Opener “Overload” (heard in the video below) begins quiet and ominously enough, but just when you’re expecting a Scorpions power ballad to start, in comes the heavy! “If I told you once, I told you over and over,” sings Guirey over a simple grungey punk riff. “‘Cause I’m prone to overload…” he says, so stand back. No guitar solo, just punk rock heaviness.
A jolt of feedback in “Blood Runs Red” illustrates the rawness of the recording. All you need is a riff and a melody, and Max serves it up blood-raw. He’s also not content to only give you just one riff per song! That’s also the case with “Labyrinth”, which settles into a nice groove.
If “River Grand” sounds familiar, it should. 10 years later, it was re-vamped with vocalist extraordinaire Eric “Uncle Meat” Litwiller on the Status Electric album. While the Meat version is superior due to a tour-de-force vocal performance, the original still rocks with a grungier flavour.
A pair of Max favourites closes the CD. “Livin’ the Country” and “Mexican Standoff” have to be heard live to fully appreciate them. The CD will have to do for now. “Livin’ the Country” is like Paranoid-era Sabbath, loosely riffing your balls off. Stand by for a unique, patented Max guitar solo. Then “Put your hands up!” for the “Mexican Standoff”. If you live to tell the tale, you’ll want to hear it again.
Max should consider re-recording some more of these songs with Litwiller. Max has the goods on Overload, an excellent primer for what was yet to come.
3.5/5 stars
The KISS RE-REVIEW SERIES Part 47: The Conclusion
Two years ago, I bought this CD to use as the final review for the KISS Re-Review Series. I hadn’t played it. I hadn’t even opened it. I wanted to save it for our conclusion…so here it is. A lot happened since we started, most notably the current End of the Road farewell tour. Let’s wrap this series up in a bow. And to do that properly you’ll find links to every single part and supplement to the KISS Re-Review Series below!
– KISSworld – The Best of Kiss (2017 Mercury)
You know what KISSworld makes me miss? The good old days when bands would bribe you into buying their new hits compilation by including something you didn’t have already. In 1978, Kiss re-recorded “Strutter” for Double Platinum. In ’82, Kiss recorded “I’m A Legend Tonight”, “Partners In Crime”, “Nowhere To Run” and “I’m A Legend Tonight” for inclusion on the UK compilation Killers. And in ’88, Paul Stanley produced two new songs (“Let’s Put the X in Sex” and “(You Make Me) Rock Hard”) for Smashes, Thrashes & Hits. Not great songs, but new ones at least, so you felt less foolish for handing Kiss more of your money. By the time of 1996’s Greatest KISS album, they tacked on a new “live” version of “Shout It Out Loud”, and from that point on they pretty much gave up giving you any added value. True, they did record “Samurai Son” for 2005’s KISS 40, but that was a mere blip in the overall pattern.
So in terms of reviews, all you can really talk about is song choice and running order. It looks like KISSworld is just a revamping of various versions of KISS 40. The running order is no longer chronological, but the songs are the same. Opener “Crazy Crazy Nights” was on the single CD KISS 40. “Unholy” was on the double CD version of KISS 40, albeit live. “I’m A Legend Tonight” was on both, and so on. It would have been nice to hear something you don’t get very often, like “All Hell’s Breaking Loose” or “Got to Choose”, but nobody expects bravery from a Kiss tracklist or setlist these days.
Fans who were buying Kiss albums during the peak years probably miss the excellent packaging Kiss would throw in for free. Look at the mirror finish of the original Double Platinum LP, or the posters and masks and booklets that came with other albums. Buy a Kiss CD today, get nothin’! KISSworld has one vintage 1974 black and white photo inside, song credits and nothing else. Granted, we know that Kiss doesn’t come up with these releases, it’s the record label. And we keep buying them and buying them, “for the collection”, even though we know we’re going to be disappointed. The label isn’t thinking of us when they issue this stuff. They think of it as a part of their latest marketing push, aimed at people buying their first Kiss (or first Kiss in decades). But they know — they know — that we fans are buying these things too. They can’t throw us a bone? What is there here for us?
Nothing, except another CD to file in the appropriate slot, making our collections “complete” again. Will you listen to it? Maybe, if you’re tossing coins and can’t decide which greatest hits to play on this particular road trip. It is, however, the most complete of the in-print, easily-acquired hits CDs. For a first timer, it would appear to make sense to grab this over Double Platinum or one of the other choices at the CD shop. You’d be getting a good variety of tunes from over their entire career. But you’re not getting something assembled with any logic or care, nor are you buying a fair representation of their best stuff. In fact, this CD only has one song from their first three albums (“Rock and Roll All Nite”) You could make a greatest hits just from their first three albums! KISSworld‘s ill-considered tracklist is its downfall.
1/5 stars
THE COMPLETE KISS RE-REVIEW SERIES
GETTING MORE TALE #551: “You’re Wrong on Unmasked“ (Introduction to the Kiss Re-Review series)
Part 1: Wicked Lester (1972) & the Eddie Kramer demos (1973)
Part 2: KISS (1974 Casablanca)
Part 3: Hotter Than Hell (1974 Casablanca)
GETTING MORE TALE #353: Hotter Than Hell
Supplemental: DUST – Hard Attack (1972) / Dust (1971) (2013 Sony Legacy)
Part 4: Agora Ballroom 1974 (2015 Go Faster)
Part 5: Dressed To Kill (1975 Casablanca)
Part 6: Alive! (1975 Casablanca)
GETTING MORE TALE #552: Alive!
Part 7: Destroyer (1976 Casablanca)
Part 8: Rock and Roll Over (1976 Casablanca)
Part 9: Love Gun (1977 Casablanca, 2014 deluxe)
Part 10: Alive II (1977 Casablanca)
Part 11: KISS Meets the Phantom of the Park (1978 Hanna-Barbera TV movie)
Part 12: Double Platinum (1978 Casablanca)
Part 13: Peter Criss (1978 Casablanca)
Part 14: Ace Frehley (1978 Casablanca)
Part 15: Gene Simmons (1978 Casablanca)
Part 16: Paul Stanley (1978 Casablanca)
Part 17: Dynasty (1979 Casablanca)
Part 18: Unmasked (1980 Casablanca
Supplemental: PETER CRISS – Out of Control (1980 Casablanca
Part 19: Best of Solo Albums (1979 Phonogram)
Part 20: Music From the Elder (1981 Casablanca, 1997 Mercury remaster)
Part 21: Killers (1982 Germany and Japan versions)
Supplemental: PETER CRISS – Let Me Rock You (1982 Casablanca)
Part 22: Creatures of the Night (1982 Casablanca, 1985 Polygram reissue)
Part 23: Lick It Up (1983 Polygram)
Part 24: Demos 1981-1983 (Bootleg)
Part 25: Animalize (1984 Polygram)
Part 26: Animalize Live Uncensored – audio portion (2015 American Icons)
Part 27: Runaway (1984 Tristar feature film)
GETTING MORE TALE #579: Entering the Asylum
Part 28: Asylum (1985 Polygram)
Part 29: Crazy Nights (1987 Polygram)
Part 30: VINNIE VINCENT INVASION – Vinnie Vincent Invasion (1986 Chysalis)
Part 31: eXposed (1987 Polygram VHS)
Part 32: Monsters of Rock (Bootleg from 1988 tour)
Part 33: In the Land of the Rising Sun (Bootleg from 1988 tour)
Part 34: The Ritz, NYC, 12th August 1988 (2015 American Icons)
Part 35: VINNIE VINCENT INVASION – All Systems Go (1988 Chysalis)
Part 36: Smashes, Thrashes & Hits (1988 Mercury)
Part 37: KISS – Still On Fire (Dave Thomas & Anders Holm (1988 book)
GETTING MORE TALE #608: Hot in the Shade
Part 38: Hot in the Shade (1989 Polygram)
Part 39: “Forever” (1990 Polygram EP
GETTING MORE TALE #690: Unholy Kisses
Part 40: “God Gave Rock & Roll to You II” (1991 Interscope single)
Part 41: ERIC CARR – Rockology (2000 EMI)
Part 42: ERIC CARR – Unfinished Business (2011 Auto Rock Records)
Part 43: Revenge (1992 Polygram)
Part 44: Alive III (1993 Polygram)
Part 45: KISS My Ass – Classic Kiss Regrooved (1994 Polygram)
GETTING MORE TALE #697: Kiss My Ass
Part 46: Toronto – Scotiabank Arena, March 20 2019
Supplemental: KISS Playing Cards
Supplemental: KISS Crocs
Part 47: KISSWorld – The Best of Kiss (2017 Mercury)
Music by Max the Axe.
“Overload” from the CD Overload (2008)
Our gracious host Iron Tom Sharpe has furnished us with the full Sausagefest 2019 countdown! Gaze at the majesty below. A few brief notes first:
1. “Kiss Me Deadly” by Lita Ford was blamed on Uncle Meat, who definitely took a verbal bruising for that song appearing so high at #22. Meanwhile I took flak for Greta Van Fleet.
2. I am pleased any time Kiss makes the list. “She” was so awesome to groove (shirtless) to on the Friday night.
3. “Fuck yeah!” to Testament, Sabbath (with Gillan), the Kinks, and Iron Maiden (including a non-album song).
4. I marked the songs that I did intros for with an *
5. Included, for your enjoyment, is the audio for my controversial Afroman intro. (#69 on the countdown.)
1 Tommy the Cat – Primus
2 Dance on a Volcano – Genesis
3 Electric Crown – Testament
4 Respect – Aretha Franklin
5 Bombtrack – Rage Against the Machine
6 Hey Nineteen – Steely Dan
7 Sex Bomb – Tom Jones
8 School – Supertramp
9 Cochise – Audioslave *
10 Dancin Fool – Frank Zappa
11 Dinah Moe Hum – Frank Zappa
12 Rise of the Fenix – Tenacious D
13 Big City Nights – The Scorpions
14 Kickapoo – Tenacious D
15 Easy Lover – Phil Collins & Philip Bailey
16 Friends of Mine – The Guess Who
17 Mean Eyed Cat – Johnny Cash
18 Thumb – Kyuss
19 Ride my Llama – Neil Young
20 Let Go the Line – Max Webster *
21 Circumstances – Rush
22 Kiss Me Deadly – Lita Ford
23 In the Flesh – Pink Floyd
24 11th Hour – Lamb of God
25 Old Man Down the Road – John Fogerty
26 Mean Street – Van Halen
27 Queen Bitch – David Bowie
28 Women in Uniform – Iron Maiden
29 Over the Mountain – Blizzard of Ozz
30 War Pigs – Black Sabbath
31 South Side of the Sky – Yes
32 Escape – Alice Cooper *
33 10,000 Scarabs – Five Alarm Funk
34 Tobacco Road – War (live as fuck)
35 King Harvest – The Band
36 Black Coffee – Humble Pie
37 Heroes & Villians – The Beach Boys
38 Ghost – Clutch
39 Space Cadet – Kyuss
40 Stairway to Heaven – Frank Zappa (live as fuck)
41 The Rain Song – Led Zeppelin
42 Rango II – Vulfpeck
43 You Know My Name – The Beatles
44 Rock Lobster – The B-52’s *
45 Jailbait – Wishbone Ash
46 Blockbuster Night – Run the Jewels
47 Sail On – The Commodores
48 Stone Cold Crazy – Queen
49 Sails of Charon – Scorpions
50 Phoenix – Wishbone Ash
51 Powderfinger – Neil Young
52 Script For a Jester’s Tear – Marillion
53 Not For You – Pearl Jam
54 September – Earth, Wind and Fire
55 The Real Me – The Who
56 Roadie – Tenacious D
57 Bobby Brown Goes Down – Frank Zappa
58 Over My Head – King’s X
59 Rikki Don’t Lose My Number – Steely Dan
60 Clap for the Wolfman – The Guess Who
61 Wild Wild Life – Talking Heads
62 Not to Touch the Earth – The Doors
63 Supa Stoopid – Funkadelic
64 Sea of Green – The Sword *
65 Baker Street – Gerry Rafferty
66 Marquee Moon – Television
67 Delivering the Goods – Judas Priest
68 When I Get to Heaven – John Prine
69 She Wont Let Me Fuck – Afroman *
70 After Image – Rush
Afroman intro
71 She – Kiss
72 Careful with that Axe Eugene – Pink Floyd
73 The Whistler – Jethro Tull
74 Stormbringer – Deep Purple *
75 20th Century Boy – T Rex
76 Cinderella Man – Rush
77 Keep Pushin’ – REO Speedwagon
78 Monkberry Moon Delight – Paul McCartney & Wings
79 Lookout Mountain – Drive By Truckers
80 Highway Tune – Greta Van Fleet
81 Rag & Bone – The White Stripes
82 Anti-Social – Anthrax
83 Suite Sister Mary – Queensryche *
84 Red Hot Mama – Funkadelic
85 Her Strut – Bob Seger
86 Sweet Talkin Woman – Electric Light Orchestra
87 Rain Dance – The Guess Who
88 Time Travelling Blues – Orange Goblin
89 Copperhead Road – Steve Earle
90 Walk All Over You – AC/DC
91 For Your Love – The Yardbirds
92 Lido Shuffle – Boz Scaggs *
93 Trashed – Black Sabbath
94 Apeman – The Kinks
95 Illegal Alien – Genesis
96 The Loneliness of the Long Distance Runner – Iron Maiden
97 I’m Your Captain – Grand Funk Railroad
98 Peanuts – The Police
99 Satan Prayer – Ghost
100 Renegade – Styx
GETTING MORE TALE #769: Twenty-Three
July 1995 was a very complex month, at least for a young 22 year old guy living in Canada, not yet named LeBrain.
The girl I really liked had just broken up with her boyfriend — a guy in our circle of friends named Nick. Just about everybody in the world knew I had a crush on her. She dumped him one weekend when I was at the cottage. My buddy Aaron called me long distance just to tell me! Nick was a bit of a cock sometimes, but I tried to be reasonably respectful to him. I thought I should wait three weeks until I made any move.
By mid-July I still hadn’t done anything, although I talked to the girl just about every day. My 23rd birthday was coming up, and a small group of friends decided to throw a party. It was a joint birthday party — another girl with the same mutual friends had a birthday the same week as me. We combined everything into one party, in my parents’ basement. Aaron was there, my wingman. He was good at making people laugh, so that was always helpful when I didn’t know what to say around girls. And of course, the girl I liked was coming too!
We decided on a murder mystery party, and we were supposed to be dressed somewhat in character. I think I was a race car driver. Crush-girl dressed as a gypsy. Oh my God. I was well on my way to bonertown. She even did an accent for her character. Schwing!
One of my friends that came gave me my first copy of Rush’s 2112. That alone would have made it a memorable birthday. The most memorable thing to me, however, was the final guest to arrive.
Craig arrived late. I didn’t know him, not really. He was there at the invite of the girl who also had a birthday to celebrate. But I certainly knew of him! As soon as he came to the door, I recognized him immediately and with total surprise. Though he was two years older, Craig and I went to the same highschool. We even hung out in the same circles, although we’d never officially met before. He was friends with guys like Bob Schipper and Rob Daniels. In fact, one reason I knew Craig’s face so well was that he was actually on one of the tapes in my VHS Archives! Back in 1989, Rob Daniels was just beginning his career in broadcasting and media. He did a public service ad for Rogers cable. He wrote and directed “One More For the Road”, an anti-drinking and driving ad. Bob Schipper played the victim. Craig played the drunk driver. I had a copy. I knew every line of dialogue in that ad. It was actually really well made with a killer soundtrack. Bon Jovi’s “Bad Medicine” is playing from the car stereo when Bob is struck down in his prime.
I excitedly greeted Craig at the door and told him of our mutual highschool friends. He looked exactly the same except for the hair, which was now long and in a ponytail. He was a short fella, funny and well read. How cool was it that we happened to have all these connections, and then just run into each other at my own birthday party?
I was having the best time!
As the day wore on and guests began to leave, I was looking forward to spending a little more time with the girl I liked. The only issue: Craig didn’t seem to want to leave. Worse, he was really making conversation with my crush. A little too much conversation.
I sat there smiling, helplessly thinking of something to do. I suggested that I wanted to eat, and I think he helped himself to stay for pizza or whatever we ordered. I didn’t want to be rude. I was on my best behaviour in front of my crush. She was a strong independent woman and there was no way I was going to hint that I was jealous. Inside, I was Hulk-green.
I whispered to Aaron, “Is this guy ever going to leave?” He shrugged. He didn’t know what to do either.
Craig clearly didn’t know about or appreciate the hard work I had been laying these last few weeks. Hell, I was waiting for something to happen with crush girl for months! I knew she was not going to last with Nick. She called me to complain about him often enough. He was too clingy. I was playing a long game. I’d been a sympathetic ear a long time. She flat out told me that if she met me before him, it would have been different. And Craig was sticking his nose in all my patience!
I know that I said earlier that I was trying to give it time out of respect for the other guy, before I made a move. I know that sounds contradictory to the idea of a long game I had been playing for months. It’s not really. There’s a certain code of conduct you had to respect. It was all very complex and mathematical. Having discussed it with Aaron, I was convinced three weeks was the minimum amount of time I had to wait before I asked her on a date. There was also the small matter of stumbling over my words and not knowing at all how to ask her out. I had a serious inhibition there, stuttering and fumbling and turning back.
Extreme had a single called “Tragic Comic” that, ironically, I made a cassette tape of for the birthday girl sharing the party with me that exact dame day. And that song has the line I really identified with: “I’m a stut-tut-terring p-poet.”
It was dark out before Craig finally left, having failed in his quest to sway my crush his way. I decided that was to be our first and last meeting! My day began on such a high, and ended with me tense and frustrated. We all headed our separate ways, and I went to bed brooding.
Time was up. She wasn’t going to wait forever. (In fact, she didn’t — little did I know, she banged some other guy a couple weeks earlier. I think he rode a motorcycle, or something. But I didn’t know.) I finally worked myself up, said something stupid, she said yes, and I danced around the house playing air guitar.
It was so simple in hindsight. All I had to do was be myself. She already liked me, pimples and all. So we dated that summer and it was awesome! On one of my first lunch dates with my new girl, we were at an outdoor patio in Elora, and that was the first time I ever heard “Sign of the Southern Cross” by Black Sabbath. Yes, on an outdoor patio on a lunch date in Elora. Who else can make that claim? It was a good summer; nay a great summer. The year I turned 23 will always be burned into my memory. The birthday I got 2112, and met Craig the attempted-wicked-woman-stealer. Pretty summer-defining events!
ALICE COOPER – “It’s Me” (1994 Epic single)
The Last Temptation, Alice Cooper’s acclaimed 1994 concept album, spawned a couple collectable CD singles. Collectable, because 1) they had unreleased live B-sides, and 2) Eric Singer of Kiss played drums on them!
As far as Alice ballads go, “It’s Me” is not particularly special. The song fits into the story of the album, but it’s musically in the same vein as the ballads from Trash and Hey Stoopid. The mandolin is a nice touch, but Alice has more fondly remembered ballads. “It’s Me” works best as part of the album it was written for.
The two live tracks were recorded in ’91, which actually makes Eric Singer pre-Kiss in this case. “Poison” is stunning sounding live, but still with rich backing vocals. The chorus of “Poison” requires several backing singers and Alice’s bands are always equipped for the job. You can’t tell if Eric Singer is one of the vocalists, but you can easily recognise his style on the drums. That’s him alright! “Sick Things” is a strange one live; always has been. Here, it is inflamed by guitarists Stef Burns and Pete Freezin’ (Freisen).
Alice’s CD singles were hard to find in the early 90s, but thanks to the internet you can get them affordably. If you’re a Kiss collector, this is one to consider. If not, just enjoy a snapshot of Alice live during an era that is so far undocumented by a live album.
3/5 stars