Takeover of Rock Heaven (Part 2) – A Northern Lights Multiverse Story (By 80sMetalMan)

Takeover of Rock Heaven

Part 2: The Execution

A Northern Lights Multiverse Story

By 80sMetalMan

See also:

 

“The superheroes have taken the bait, we move now!” Satan commanded his legions.

Satan didn’t have a large force for his planned attack, he didn’t need it. Thanks to his mole, he would have complete surprise. Standing by the secret door, he proudly watched as Hell’s minions marched up and took their postions. When they were all up, Satan knocked on what appeared to be the wall. Suddenly, a door magically appeared and began to open.

“Follow me!” Satan rushed through the open door with his forces filing in behind him. Once inside, his minions began to fill the large reception room and began rounding up citizens of Rock Heaven who were unfortunate to be there at the time, with magic lassos. Keith Emerson and Greg Lake were two of the unfortunates.

“Quickly, check all passages and rooms,” Satan ordered. “Find Elvis, Buddy Holly, Ritchie Valens and the Big Bopper. Those last three were the original citizens of this place. Make sure you also get Ronnie James Dio and Lemmy. Oh, just get everyone!”

The minions obeyed, they rushed through the corridors and rooms of Rock Heaven, capturing deceased rock stars with their magic lassos and freeing the disciples of Mr. Suplee from their cells. Elvis was soon captured as was Bon Scott soon after. One of Satan’s lieutenants had to tell his troops to control their lusts at the capture of female rock stars. Maybe Wendy O. Williams kicking a few of them in the nuts might have had something to do with it. Still, the lieutenant promised, “There will be plenty of time for that when we get them to Hell.”

All of the captured rock stars were brought to the main reception room where Satan’s secretary ticked them off on his list. It was when they saw the singer, standing by the devil, they knew they had been betrayed.

“Johnny Cash, how could you do this to us? I thought we were friends,” Elvis tearfully inquired.

“It’s nothing personal,” Johnny reassured his old friend. “Back in 1955, I made a deal with the devil, my soul for stardom.”

“You could have made it on your own, you had the talent,” Elvis pointed out.

“Yeah, but this way was easier.”

Meanwhile, Satan was distracted by another of his lieutenants who reported, “We got most of them sir, we’re just mopping up.”

“That’s not enough!” Satan viciously growled. “There are still some key people missing. I don’t see Buddy Holly, Ronnie James Dio or Lemmy.”

“We’ll get them, sir.”

It took three minions and two lassos to subdue Lemmy. Even then, he fought back every step of the way screaming, “I’m gonna kill you mother fuckers!”

The time it took to capture Lemmy, gave Ronnie James Dio and Buddy Holly time to organize a delay action. Ronnie grabbed a mic stand and when the minions approached, the stand let out a blast which sent two minions flying backwards, hitting a wall and knocking them out cold. He blasted four more before numbers took its toll. Ronnie was soon surrounded and captured.

Ronnie’s actions gave Buddy Holly and those who were still free a chance to make a final stand or escape. Producing three guitars, he handed one to Jeff Beck and another to Jimi Hendrix. “Each note sends a blast to its intended target. We’ll make a stand at this t-junction in the corridor and hold as long as we can.”

They didn’t have to wait long. Satan’s hordes came charging down the corridor towards the three guitarists. Buddy fired first, his blast sent three of them flying backwards. Jimi and Jeff followed suit, their blasts sending more minions flying backwards and clogging the corridor. Jimi even ricocheted a blast off the wall, sending five more into the opposite one.

Still, the enemy kept pouring in.

“Buddy, you need to go, we’ll hold as long as we can,” Jeff Beck stated.

After one more successful blast from his guitar, Buddy got up, “You’re right.” He beckoned up one of the other corridors and led twelve uncaptured rock stars away. They followed Buddy down one corridor and then down a less familiar one. Suddenly, Buddy stopped and struck a note on his guitar. To everyone’s awe, a door magically appeared and then opened.

“We figured something like this might happen so we were prepared,” Buddy explained. “No go!”

He watched as the first ten stepped through the door but he held up the last two. “I’m putting the both of you in charge. The door is a portal which will take you to the Metalman. You must make sure everyone gets to him, He’s the only one who can help us, now go.”

“What about you?” one of them asked.

“If I go, they will know something’s up and they will definitely try to search for me and that will stop any plan to take back Rock Heaven,” Buddy explained.

Frank Zappa and Neil Peart nodded their understanding and stepped through the door. Once they were gone, the door slammed shut and just as magically, disappeared. It was like no door had ever been there. Buddy rushed back to where Jimi and Jeff had made their stand but not surprised to see they had been overrun. It didn’t matter, they had done their job, so, the first minions he saw, Buddy raised his hands and surrendered.

All of the captured citizens of Rock Heaven sat in the large reception room awaiting their fate. Mixed feelings permeated the room, some were pessimistically gloomy while others like Lemmy, who whenever a minion came by, called them a “fucking wanker” remained defiant. To add further insult, Dave Holland walked among the heavy metal contingent taunting them, especially Ronnie James Dio. “You wouldn’t let me in here so now you’re going to pay.” Elvis, on the other hand, wallowed in self pity, not being able to grasp how his good friend, Johnny Cash, could betray him.

“Twelve are still unaccounted for,” Satan’s secretary informed his boss.

Turning to one of his lieutenants,, he inquired, “Have you looked everywhere?”

“Yes, sir, it seems like they just disappeared.” Then pointing at Buddy Holly, the lieutenant pointed out, “Maybe he can help.”

Buddy Holly was brought before the Prince of Evil. “Do you know where the others are hiding? Telling me now might make things easier for you when you get to Hell.”

“Not, hiding, escaped. They went through a portal even you can’t open.”

Satan stomped about angrily and bellowed, “Then it will be worse for you, Holly! I shoved pineapples up Hitler and Saddam’s asses but I’m gonna shove watermelons up yours!” Then turning to his secretary, asked, “Who’s missing?”

“Neil Peart, Christime McVie, Christian Fagg, Warrell Dane, Paul Kantner, Sandy Pearman, Muddy Waters, Glenn Frey, Alec John Such, Keth Moon, Jill Janus and Frank Zappa.”

“Drat! I wanted Zappa,” Satan barked angrily. “I remember his portrayal of me in that song, ‘Titties and Beer,’ I was going to make him hold his pickle for enternity.”

Intermission.

The Metalman looked at his cherished copy of Nazereth’s “Hair of the Dog” album. He was ever so grateful the superheroes were able to get it back for him and put Suplee in Hell where he belonged. When they parted company, the Metalman expressed his hearty thanks and wished the superheroes well in their retirement.

A sudden but familiar noise briefly startled him. Someone from Rock Heaven was paying him a visit. At first, he wondered if it was Cliff Burton as it was he who visted the most, making sure the Metalman got his rock historical facts correct. He watched, wondering who it might be and he wasn’t surprised to see Jill Janus as she had vistied before. However, he was rather surprised to see Christine McVie. More rock stars materialized in his living room, some he knew of, others he didn’t. When the sixth person, a man wearing a baseball cap, who the Metalman recognised as producer, Sandy Pearlman materialized, he wondered just how many were coming. He felt particuarly honoured when Keith Moon materialized and then Neil Peart, remembering he brought Neil to the superheroes’ Christmas party. But it was the twelfth and final person to arrive which made his jaw hit the floor. He never thought he’d get a visit from Frank Zappa.

“Why are you all here? What happened?” the Metalman asked, so nervous that his two questions nearly merged as one.

Appointed spokesperson, Frank Zappa, grimly replied, “Satan has taken over Rock Heaven. The rock stars there have been rounded up and are on their way to Hell, we twelve were the only ones to escape.”

“How did it happen?”

“It was an inside job, Satan had a mole in Rock Heaven, Johnny Cash, whom no one would have suspected. Buddy Holly opened up the portal to take us here. He said you would be able to help us.”

“Can you?” Neil Peart pleaded. “I understand the superheroes have retired.”

“They have retired, although they did come briefly out of retirement to get back my “Hair of the Dog” album which Suplee stole. He must have escaped from Rock Heaven.”

“He did,” Frank explained. “He must have had some help, probably from Cash.”

“What shall we do?” Christine McVie wondered out loud.

“There is a new group of superheroes,” the Metalman explained. “They’re called the Northern Lights and we need to contact them immediately.

To be continued…

THE ADVENTURES OF TEE BONE MAN:  PHASE ONE – THE SQUIRREL SAGA 

THE ADVENTURES OF TEE BONE MAN:  PHASE TWO – THE MULTIVERSE SAGA

THE ADVENTURES OF THE NORTHERN LIGHTS:  PHASE THREE – THE UNICRON SAGA

 

SPINOFFS AND SIDE QUESTS

 

THE COMPLETE ADVENTURES OF EDIE VAN HEELIN’

THE WRITER’S ROOM

The Contrarians Live: Favorite Bands… WORST Album Covers – Tonight at 7:00 PM EST!

Tonight’s topic comes from the mind of Martin Popoff.  The rock and roll wordsmith has plenty of good ideas, but 10 Worst Album Covers by 10 Favourite Bands is kind of a double whammy.  Not only does it give us a chance to showcase some bad album art, but it also allows us to list our 10 favourite bands.  This will be a fun, fun night.

For those keeping track, this is my eighth week in a row on the Contrarians.  The subjects thus far have been:

Tune in tonight and comment!  Martin always tries to address the comment section.

THE CONTRARIANS – Favorite Bands… WORST Album Covers – Wed. December 11 – 7:00 PM EST

REVIEW: Paramore – This Is Why (2024)

PARAMORE – This Is Why (2024 Atlantic Records)

So here I am, sitting down to write my very first Paramore review, and this is what singer Hayley Williams has to say to me in the very first verse of the first song, “This Is Why”:

If you have an opinion,Maybe you should shove it,Or maybe you could scream it,Might be best to keep it to yourself.

Well, I already started writing to here goes.  I don’t think Hayley will have an issue with my opinion in this instance.  I’ve long been a distant observer of the band, so it was finally time to check out an album.  This Is Why was the only one in stock at the local store, so this is why I bought This Is Why.

The title track demonstrates the immense talent of this trio, augmented by backing musicians.  Brian Robert Jones, one of the band’s live guitarists, plays bass for example.  Otherwise we have singer extraordinaire Hayley Williams, longtime guitarist Taylor York, and founding drummer Zac Farro.  It is Farro who immediately grabs you on the song “This Is Why”, with his complex jazzy drum beat that the song is built on.  Meanwhile, York slashes his guitar with echo, plink, and skwonk in tasty ways.  Though the song is not straightforward in construction, the verses and chorus worm their way into your brain in short order.  It’s hard to describe what is going on here, but I hear funk, psychedelia, power and pop.

Williams is one to the best singers in any genre today, and you won’t find anyone fronting a band like she does.  She possesses not only unusual power and control, but also a knack for unique expression.  “The News” exemplifies these qualities, while also giving us another crazy Zac Farro drum part.  The angry chorus seethes but also soothes.  Hayley throws everything she has into these verses.  The lyrics also resonate with this anxious age in which we live.  “Turn on, turn off the news!” she exhorts. “But I worry, and I give money, and I feel useless behind this computer,” she shares.  The chorus is the main thing though.  It scorches.

A light but bouncy and dexterous bassline grounds the third track, “Running Out of Time”.  There’s a hint of funkiness in the chorus.  This song sounds like it came from a strange era from another dimension:  the early 70s crossed with the early 80s.  You can really move to it.  I also love the call and answer vocals:  “I’m always running out of time!”  “She’s always running out of time!”

“Ç’est Comme Ça” is a fun track with spoken word verses and a bouncy chorus.  Farro keeps the beat dancy.  York uses layers of guitar to add texture.  It’s a short song and over before you know it.  The final song on side one is “Big Man, Little Dignity” which is catchier than its title.  For those who like guitar hooks, this song has a nice one with a solid bassline that rolls through.  The delicate chorus is immanently catchy, because it contrasts with the rest of song.  The whole thing is great.  A 1970s sound comes through, and the clarinets and flutes are a nice touch.  Bass clarinet too!  Unique, smooth, melodic in every direction.

“You First” brings the hard edge back.  The dissonant guitar line quickly falls into place within the ears.  It has a Cars-like vibe, but heavier.  The bass is no longer funky, but thumpy.  Always interesting though; the basslines on this album are all worth listening to.  The chorus on this song is explosive.  The combination of Hayley’s lungs and Farro’s snare drum just doubles the power.

Vibraphone opens up “Figure 8” with a bass clarinet.  It’s not a softy though.  Hayley offers biting verses, but once again when things come to the chorus, it tends to get explosive.  It’s at that point that Farro channels his clever drum parts into sheer power, and Williams pushes the limits of the mixing board with her voice.  It’s always melodic though, with the song never losing sight of itself.

“Liar” offers a respite, with delicately picked guitar lines backed by understated (but not uninteresting) drums.  Hayley’s vocals here are delicate and demonstrate her versatility.  Following this, “Crave” amps it up slightly, but also turns up the “melody” knob.  The chorus doesn’t disappoint.  What surprises is the closer “Thick Skull”, which is one of the softer songs.  Musically only, not lyrically!  “Only I know where all the bodies are buried, thought by now I’d find ’em just a little less scary.”  This song is loaded with texture:  different guitar effects, piano, percussion and of course Hayley’s diverse singing styles.

Of note, all songs are credited to the three members of Paramore, and there is no long list of high priced producers.  Paramore is a band.

This Is Why is a pretty great rock album with a foot in pop.  It works best when the band is playing it upbeat, though the slower songs may prove to be dark horses as time goes by.  The album is deceptively busy:  the hookiness makes it feel straightforward, but when you listen to the musicianship, they are not playing down to anyone.  Farro and York deserve credit for exploring non-mainstream styles in a mainstream band, while Hayley must always be commended for her excellent lyrics and absolutely stunning voice.  There are few singers like her, and that’s why she’s the focus of Paramore.  However, as stated above, Paramore is a band, and the writing and playing of everyone involved must be addressed in any review.  There’s cool stuff in these grooves.

“If you have an opinion, Maybe you should shove it?”  I don’t think I’ll keep this opinion to myself.  I think Paramore are tremendous.

4/5 stars

Tim’s Vinyl Confessions Ep. 589: Sammy Hagar Deep Dive #9 (VOA)

This week on Tim’s Vinyl Confessions: #8 in his Sammy Hagar Deep Dive video series.  This all coincides with a new book he has out, all about the Red Rocker’s discography.  V.O.A. is a special album for me personally as it was my first ever Sammy Hagar solo purchase.  I bought it for “I Can’t Drive 55” but I found a whole lot more.

What did Tim and I like, and dislike about this record? Find out today on Tim’s Vinyl Confessions.  Don’t Make Me Wait too long…the show will be up this afternoon!

 

REVIEW: Accept – Blind Rage (2014 Japanese import)

ACCEPT – Blind Rage (2014 Nuclear Blast / Japanese bonus track)

Accept finally proved they didn’t need Udo Dirkschneider with Mark Tornillo.  He has had a steady run of reliable albums that continues to this day.  2014’s Blind Rage was his third with the German metal legends.  Blood of the Nations and Stalingrad are hard to beat, and Blind Rage comes in third.

The album debuted at number one on the German albums chart.  It Accept’s last album with guitarist Herman Frank and drummer Stefan Schwarzmann, and produced generically by Andy Sneap.  Sneap gets a great sound, but as we’ll see, there’s too much formula and same-sameyness to the songs as the album goes on.  Fortunately, the album gets off to a good start.

“Stampede” is a quintessential opener!  Breakneck speed, but with melodic harmonies on guitar.  Wolf Hoffman certainly knows how to write riffs and guitar melodies.  Mark Tornillo is in great voice, growling low before hitting you with those screams, punctuated sparingly.  A tad generic with that shouted “Stampede!,” chorus but the screams and the tempo make it worthwhile.

The lyrics on “Dying Breed” are cringe worthy, I’m so sorry to say.  Some sample lines so you get the idea:

  • “Long ago a sabbath black cut through the purple haze.”
  • “Screaming with a vengeance that we will forever hear.”
  • “The zeppelin led it’s voyage thru skies of purple deep.”
  • “And in a land down under highway to hell was paved.”
  • “An iron fist cut the deck and drew the ace of spades.”

I am on record as disliking these kinds of references within lyrics.  Fortunately, Mark sings it with conviction, and the song itself is pretty awesome.  Guitar melodies are very much like a national anthem.  There’s another shouted chorus, “We’re the last of a dying breed!” but let’s hope metal doesn’t die prematurely.  Wolf throws in some classical-influenced guitar thrills to compensate.

The best song on the album is the desperation-drenched “Dark Side of My Heart”  Melancholy metal with a stunning chorus.  You can’t help but sing along, and all this is augmented by stunning guitar melodies by Wolf.  Accept always keep things moving, but it’s so much better when it’s melodic, and this is the most melodic song on the album.

The first slow song on the record is track #4, “Fall of the Empire”.  It takes a little longer to sink in, but the chorus is melodic enough.  However, Accept’s penchant for those low pitched gang choruses is already starting to wear.  Wolf’s solo here is really different, with a nice dry tube-y tone and some really unusual melodic choices.

Crank up the afterburners for “Trail of Tears”, a song about the trials of the Native American.  “Who are the savages now?” asks Tornillo.  The drums by Schwarzmann are phenomenal.  Another high speed blur of modern metal, and one that sticks in the brain afterwards.  Classical influences can still be heard in Wolf’s melodies.

Guitar harmonies take center stage for “Wanna Be Free”.  Slower, more deliberate, dark and with a message.  “No more crime and poverty,” “No more human trafficking”.  Fairly simple, but that’s often the goal of these kinds of songs.  Keep it positive, and not political.  Though the guitars are always enticing, this might be the first one you feel like skipping.

Nuclear war is always a hot topic for metal bands, ever since Black Sabbath popularized it in the 1970s.  In “200 Years”, nuclear war has devastated the planet to population zero:  “200 years after mankind”.  We’re back to the stone age just as prophesied.  “I do not know with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones.”  That’s a quote often attributed to Albert Einstein.  Great topic, great song, with a neat little exotic interlude by Wolf in the middle before the solo.

Skipworthy “Bloodbath Mastermind” is just generic metal.  Yes, it bangs, but there are no exceptional hooks.  Pass.

Ear fatigue setting in, “From the Ashes We Rise” repeats the grooves that are becoming monotonous.  We realize now that the Japanese 12 song track listing is just too long.  This album should have been a simple, traditional 10 songs.  Having said that, at least “From the Ashes We Rise” has melody, while “Bloodbath Mastermind” did not. Ultimately it sounds like a knockoff of another song on the album.  A good knockoff, at least.

Back to quality, “The Curse” is a little more unique, and focused once again on melody.  It’s a little somber, which is a nice change of pace after so much defiant headbanging.  Some memorable hooks; different from the rest of the album.  A highlight.

The closing track on the standard album is the Priest-like “Final Journey”, the guitar solo of which creatively features a very recognizable melody lifted from Grieg’s “Morning Mood”.  Good closer, lots of building tension in the guitars.

The Japanese closer is “Thrown to the Wolves” which is fine, just like many of the album tracks, though like many of them, plagued with generic riffing and melodies.  Catchy enough, just…not unique enough.

Blind Rage is a solid album, but Accept’s repeated use of certain elements such as those low-pitched choruses makes some songs really hard to remember and differentiate.  Of the 12 songs, there are probably 10 keepers.  It’s not a bad album by any means, but the formula is starting to set in and it takes many listens to really separate the songs in your mind.  A little editing would have been wise.

3.5/5 stars

 

 

IRON MAIDEN SERIES ANNOUNCEMENT! Grab A Stack of Rock Celebrates 50 Years of Iron Maiden

Coming in 2025, right here on WordPress and YouTube.

M – Hi!  This is Mike!

H – And this is Harrison, from Grab A Stack of Rock

M – And we just wanted to let you know we have something very exciting cooking up for 2025.

H – That’s right.  2025 is the 50th Anniversary of the formation of Iron Maiden, and we are going to mark the occasion with a series of deep dives.

M – Right here on Youtube, we plan on discussing every studio, and every song, in detail.  We’re also bringing in a slate of special guests to help us.

H – Not just studio albums, but we will also be talking about the official live records too.

M – Live records, B-sides, the history, the artwork…we plan on doing Iron Maiden right.

H – I guess it will be my job to talk about the tours, correct?

M – That’s right buddy.  You’re an expert on the setlists, so we’ll have to touch on what songs were played, and which ones never were.

H – We have our work cut out for us my friend.

M – We sure do, but it’ll be a labour of love.  I’m really looking forward to this, especially some of the guests that will be joining us.

H – Let’s not spoil everything just yet.

M – You’re right Harrison.  So like, subscribe, and share the Grab A Stack of Rock Youtube channel for 50 Years of Iron Maiden.

H – Coming in 2025.

#ironmaiden #nickomcbrain #brucedickinson #pauldianno #steveharris #eddie #derekriggs #martinpopoff #martinbirch #davemurray #adriansmith #paulmarioday #denniswilcock #blazebayley #janickgers #adriansmith #cliveburr #dennisstratton #grabastackofrock

Top Five Marillion Christmas Tunes featuring Todd Evans and the Debuts of bicyclelegs and Davey Cretin on Grab A Stack of Rock

Merry Christmas from Marillion! A happy Christmas present:  all the way from New Yawk City, Mr. Davey Cretin joins Grab A Stack of Rock as surprise guest!  Davey comes aboard with an already epic cast:  bicyclelegs, also in his debut, and the returning Todd Evans.  Together we broke down our favourites from a large pool of seasonal Christmas songs by Marillion.

Bicyclelegs has 26 Marillion Christmas releases, dwarfing my 19.  More Christmas albums than studio albums.  Though there was a little bit of repeat on some favourite tracks, there was also one clear winner.  You’ll have to watch to see which one.  There was also a bit of a discussion on a certain Christmas song made famous by Mariah Carey.  Who did it better:  Carey, or Marillion?  I’m sure you can guess my preference.

From carols dating back to the 1600s, to drunken covers and originals, we ran the gamut of styles.  Though there was levity, there was also clear passion for this band, their musicianship, and what they mean to each of us.

Next week, there will be a special live presentation of three older Grab A Stack of Rock shorts, with new intro and outro by me.  I hope you will check it out.  I even included an easter egg for you to find.  Meanwhile, I’ll be busy recording a super-fun episode with Peter Kerr at Rock Daydream Nation.

Check out the Marillion show below:

Marillion Christmas: Top Five Christmas Tunes by Marillion, with Todd Evans & bicyclelegs

GRAB A STACK OF ROCK With Mike and the Mad Metal Man
Episode 81:  Top Five Marillion Christmas Songs with Todd Evans & bicyclelegs

Todd Evans is back to talk Marillion once again!  He brings with him Australia’s own bicyclelegs, with whom I’m covering favourite tracks from each studio album on his channel.  These two progressive rock professors will be joining me to discuss our favourite Christmas songs performed by Marillion.  The band have recorded both covers and originals, and tonight we’ll brief you on what we think are the cream of the crop.

I have 19 Marillion Christmas albums in my collection; for the physical media buffs, I will show you each one.  For simplicity’s sake, one could also use the compilation A Collection of Recycled Gifts, which in its extended format has 15 songs to choose from.

Please join us live in the comments section tonight for some progressive rock Christmas fun.  There may even be surprises.

Friday December 6 at 7:00 P.M. E.S.T. / 8:00 P.M. Atlantic.   Enjoy on YouTube or on Facebook!

My Music Corner: Up to the Limit Episode 14 – Accept: Blind Rage (2014)

NOTE: My text review of Blind Rage by Accept will go up in the coming days.

Johnny Metal and John the Music Nut have been breaking down, in detail, every Accept studio album.  I jumped on board with Blind Rage, the third album with Mark Tornillo.  I chose this album since I had the Japanese import and I wanted the two Johns to have a chance to cover a rare bonus track on their show.

In this episode, we break down the album track by track, with a high level of agreement between us.  The Music Nut then goes through the tour in detail, discussing all the songs that were played live, and how often.  Some are still played live today.

If you want a sneak preview into my Blind Rage review, watch this episode, as I tried something new here:  reading my review aloud (not easy).  I may have even done some singing.

Check out the show, and look for my text review in a few days.

The Contrarians Live: Dreaming in Stereo – Beds & Sleeping on Album Covers – Tonight at 7:00 PM EST!

I’m very excited to finally be doing a show with Martin Popoff this week.  Martin is back on the Contrarians live Wednesday chat!

For those keeping track, this is my eighth week in a row on the Contrarians.  The subjects thus far have been:

This week, a joint suggestion from Tim & Jamie:  Album covers with beds, or sleeping.  Lots to choose from this time.

THE CONTRARIANS – Dreaming in Stereo  – Wed. December 4 – 7:00 PM EST