Top Five Ozzy Tunes on Grab A Stack of Rock with Peter Kerr, Mike Slayen and John Clauser

Hot on the heels of his excellent interview with bassist Bob Daisley, Peter Kerr suggested we run through the Top Five Ozzy Osbourne solo songs, and a brilliant idea it was!  Ozzy’s solo career is rich, especially in the early years, with beautiful ballads and incendiary metal.  There are heavy progressive moments, advanced arrangements, and brilliant lyrics. We gave Ozzy’s career a solid listen this week and extracted our lists, and not without difficulty!

Your panel this week:

  • Peter Kerr of Rock Daydream Nation with loads of insight and some great picks.
  • John Clauser of My Music Corner, with a guest list from Jake Not-From-State-Farm.
  • The “Dude” Mike Slayen, from San Diego, home of Jake E. Lee, and that little bit of extra guitar knowledge we needed.

I bought a guest list from Jex Russell, and the combined six lists covered a lot of ground!  Hits, deep cuts, lots of ballads, and almost every lead guitarist who played with Ozzy.  Lots of love for Randy and Jake here especially.  Besides the first two classic Ozzy records, there was a lot of respect here for No Rest for the Wicked.  The Ultimate Sin, Ozzmosis, No More Tears and Scream were mentioned multiple times.  There were a number of B-sides mentioned, and one track that almost got me disqualified!

Stay tuned for some cool honourable mentions!

Thank you everyone for watching tonight, and we’ll see you Monday with brand new guest Len Labelle, and a run through the discography of Brighton Rock.  See you then!

 

ALL ABOARD! Top Five Ozzy Tunes on Grab A Stack of Rock with Peter Kerr, Mike Slayen and John Clauser

GRAB A STACK OF ROCK With Mike and the Mad Metal Man

Episode 53:  Top Five Ozzy Tracks with Peter Kerr, John Clauser, and the return of Mike Slayen!

All aboard!  Ah ha ha ha ha!

Peter Kerr is back, having survived his encounter with Stevie Rachelle and his army of trolls!  He is also fresh from an interview with bassist Bob Daisley, so why not do a list show on our Top Five Ozzy Osbourne songs?

For this epic topic, spanning Ozzy’s solo career, I have recruited a special panel:

We continue to wish Harrison a speedy recovery.  I hope to see you back on the show soon, my friend.  We all miss you.

Tonight will be all about the Prince of Darkness, and together we will list Ozzy’s Top Fives according to each of our tastes.  Deep cuts guaranteed!

Friday March 1 at 7:00 P.M. E.S.T. / 4:00 P.M. Pacific.   Enjoy on YouTube, or Twitter!!  (Facebook has been problematic of late.)

#1111: Every Copy I Have Ever Seen of This CD Was Flawed – KISS: “Forever” CD single – with audio sample

RECORD STORE TALES #1111: Every Copy I Have Ever Seen of This CD Was Flawed
KISS: “Forever” CD single

Some stories, people just don’t believe!  In my years at the Record Store, I encountered a number of anomalies.   A Four Horsemen CD with Dwight Yoakam music on it?  I witnessed it with my own eyes and ears.  This actually isn’t an uncommon phenomenon.  Mis-printed CDs happened occasionally.  The wrong artwork would be printed on a CD, and it would get sent out in the wrong packaging and sold to an unsuspecting customer.

Far more common are CDs with audio flaws.  Sometimes it’s noise, sometimes the audio drops out.  Even the glorious Judas Priest 50 Heavy Metal Years of Music box set sadly has audio flaws, on a very very expensive item.  Frustratingly, it’s on one of the songs exclusive to the set.  There is a jump the in audio during “Diamonds & Rust” on the 2nd CD of Beyond Live & Rare.  Priest have never corrected this or sent out new discs to people who bought it.

However, there is one more common flaw in a CD single that nobody seems to know about.  Whaddaya mean, every single copy of Kiss’ smash hit “Forever” single has a skip?

I worked 12 years at that used Record Store.  In 12 years, I played every single copy of the “Forever” single to check, including the one I own.  It happens, unfortunately, on the only non-album song:  the remix of the title track!

It happens at roughly 1:40 of the song, right before the solo.  The lyric should be “Until my life is through, girl I’ll be loving you forever…yeah!”  In the CD single version, it goes “Until my…rrrr, yeah!”  The remix clocks in as 3:48 on the single.  In the Kiss box set, it is 3:50.  Two seconds are missing.

It’s not a scratch on the CD (or every other copy of the CD).  There is absolutely no visible flaw.  The music was simply printed incorrectly.  Perhaps the master copy had a skip?  Who knows.  It’s there.  Hear it for yourself below!  Here is the evidence.

 

 

VIDEO: Mike and Roger Unbox Australia! CDs and Marvel Blind Box from Harrison the Mad Metal Man

Harrison the Mad Metal Man continues to be under the weather, and insisted that I open his parcel in the meantime.  So I got Metal Roger on the line and opened Harrison’s box.

My memory is horrible and there is a good chance I already knew about all of this stuff, but here’s what Harrison sent me in a handy-dandy video.  Or, if you’re not patient, there are some photos with additional details below as well.

I also opened one package from Amazon, furthering my quest to complete my Journey collection.

This video is for fans of metal, CDs, and those damned Marvel Lego blind boxes that cursed me last fall!  At the end, Roger and I took a brief foray into an interesting subject – the Mount Rushmore of metal mascots.  A topic for a future show to be sure.

Thank you Harrison for your generosity once again.

 

Iron Maiden – Live After Death – remaster in digipack

Food For Thought – Iron Maiden tribute

Dio – Holy Diver – 2005 Rock Candy reissue with bonus interview track

REVIEW: Journey – Departure (1980, Remastered CD & 8-track) – Happy birthday Neal Schon!

JOURNEY – Departure (1980 CBS 8-track, Remastered 2010 Sony CD)
CD from the set 3 Original Album Classics

Changes were afoot in Journey, and alluded to on Departure.  Aside from the Japan-only soundtrack Dream, After Dream, this was the last stand for Gregg Rolie.  While he would also appear one more time on the Captured live album, he was not there for the new studio track included.  For all intents and purposes, Departure is his “last album”, to use an inaccurate but easy term.  For the man who once was Journey’s only lead singer, Departure only has one of Rolie’s lead vocals, and only two co-writes.  (In the discography, Departure directly followed 1979’s compilation of early material, In the Beginning, featuring early material and a large number of Rolie vocals.)

With Steve Perry leading the charge, Departure commences with the party anthem “Any Way You Want It”.  Those who don’t know it, know it.  It has been featured in the Simpsons, twice!  A rare honour, and mega-exposure, for good reason.  Perry’s impeccably arranged chorus is irresistible.  Rolie’s organ is the perfect accompaniment to keep in the realm of classic rock and roll.  Of course Schon’s solo is also tasty as heck, but this song is know for its party-hardy chorus.  For those who like to dig deeper, Ross Valory’s pulsing bassline goes underappreciated today, and Steve Smith’s smooth cymbal work is often taken for granted.

A surprising twist is taken on track two, the laid back blues pulse of “Walk Like A Lady”.  Sounds like Smith is playing with brushes, and Neal really plays it classy.  Then, a jab of organ and the players are off to indulge themselves.  “Oooh yeah!” shouts Perry, as if enjoying the jamming himself.  Soulful harmony vocals by the band really take this out on an authentic note.

Third song, third musical direction:  power balladeering!  Rolie sings a duet with Perry backing him on “Someday Soon”, a melancholy but punchy ballad.  Though it was not a single, perhaps it should have been.  There’s a cool, unique angelic vocal section near the end that nicely complements Steve Smith’s drum fills.

“People and Places” is like an exercise in creative vocal arrangements, if not showing off.  Neal Schon sings lead with Steve Perry on this complex track.  It’s more like the Dream, After Dream material than a lot of Departure.  If only the modern Journey were unafraid to create more unique music like this.  It still has room for a powerful melody and some warming cascades of guitar.  This song moves directly into “Precious Time”, which has a vibe like the still-in-the-future track “Liberty”.  Lyrically it foreshadows the “Line of Fire” on side two, and also has Rolie on harmonica.  It turns into a more typical Journey rocker by the midpoint.  Lots of tasty Schon guitars to be savoured here.

Unusually for an album of 1980, Departure had 12 tracks:  five on the first side, and seven on the second.  This is where we’d flip.

The big concert rocker “Where Were You” kicks off the back end of Departure.  This one pounds the pavement with beats, riffs and boppin’ piano.  It too could have been a single, though it did open their concerts on tour.  Then, a completely different mood drops:  “I’m Cryin'” hits like a cold wave of grief, though not without its musical thrills.  Soon it’s over and the rockin’ “Line Of Fire” brings the party back.  There’s no better way to describe it than a fast, good time rock and roll song.  “So don’t go sayin’ Steve is a liar!” warns Perry to some young lady who done him wrong.  “Bye bye bye Susie, so long girl!”  (He sure got over what was bothering him on “I’m Cryin'” pretty fast.)  Take note of Schon’s technical solo work here.

“Departure” / “Good Morning Girl” is softly progressive, with strings and light guitar, and little else.  This is over quickly, and then it’s the ballad “Stay Awile”, one of the sweetest songs Steve Perry or Journey have ever done.  Once again, listen to the bass and drums for a different perspective.  Perhaps the only thing better than Perry’s lead vocals are when he does it live.

Fortunately, Journey had the wisdom to end the album on a rocker:  “Homemade Love”.  Some of Perry’s worst words accompany some of his most acrobatic singing.  Still, at least it’s a good jam to go out on, with some fretboard burning fingerwork by Neal.

Interesting, the 8-track tape might have what would be called a bonus track here:  a reprise of “Line of Fire”.  It’s here mostly for timing reasons; there are no songs split between tracks anywhere on this album.  So, 8-track buyers got an uninterrupted listen, plus a reprise of “Line of Fire”.  Information is scarce, but it would be fun to hear the tape this way,

On remastered CD, we got some slightly more interesting bonus tracks than 8-track offered.  “Natural Thing” is a bluesy B-side, which was later released as the B-side to “Don’t Stop Believin'”.  Chronologically though, it is from this era and is as strong as any similar material on the album.  Funny how some tracks don’t make the cut when others do.  If you were told this was a standalone single, you wouldn’t have a reason to doubt it.  The CD also includes “Little Girl” from Dream, After Dream which is a difficult album to find and Rolie’s studio farewell.  It is a string-laden power ballad, very progressive, and far darker than anything on Departure.

Departure features an unusually rougher sound than other Journey albums.  The production seems unpolished despite the complexities of some tracks, with the vocals sometimes occupying a strange space that’s not quite in front of the music.  Still, a classic album is a classic album and there are so few flaws with Departure that it’s easy to dismiss them all.

5/5 stars

Our Journey Collections, on Six Formats (With Tim Durling) – Happy Birthday Jon Cain! – Grab A Stack of Rock Special Edition!

GRAB A STACK OF ROCK With Mike and Tim Durling

Special Edition Episode:  Our JOURNEY Collections

 

Happy birthday to Jonathan Cain of JOURNEY, as we celebrate his discography today with Tim Durling on this very special episode of Grab A Stack of Rock!  We look back at the entire discography of the legendary rock band, all the lineup changes, all the big songs, and a bunch of deep cuts as well.  On six different formats, I show you the entire catalogue, with help from Tim to fill three holes in the official collection.  (There’s still one or two essential things I need to get, but you’ll have to watch the video to find out.)

Tim Durling is what I would call a “Journey expert”.  He knows the facts and the sales numbers and the singles, and he was essential in this video coming to be.  Not just the live albums I’m still missing, but also the knowledge and personal history.  I was late getting into the band, in the late 1990s.  Tim had 10 years on me.  Thank you Tim for helping me make this video!

Together we presented CDs, cassettes, vinyl, 8-tracks, Blu-rays and DVDs of all the essential Journey.  We looked at imports from Japan, Europe, the US, and Mexico as well as different pressings with different bonus tracks.  A wide variety of Journey CD editions are here for you to examine.

Thank you Tim and thank you Journey for the music!

 

Discography included:

  • Journey (1975)
  • Look Into the Future (1976)
  • Next (1977)
  • Infinity (1978)
  • Evolution (1979)
  • In The Beginning (1979)
  • Departure (1980)
  • Dream, After Dream (1980)
  • Captured (1981)
  • Escape (1981)
  • Frontiers (1983 and 2023 40th Anniversary editions)
  • Raised on Radio (1986)
  • Greatest Hits (1988)
  • Time3 (1992 boxed set)
  • Trial By Fire (1996)
  • Greatest Hits Live (1998)
  • Arrival (2000-2001)
  • The Essential Journey (2001)
  • Red 13 (2002)
  • Generations (2005)
  • Live In Houston 1981: The Escape Tour (2005)
  • Turn the Page (Live Bootleg w/ Jeff Scott Soto (2006)
  • Revelation (2008)
  • Live in Manilla (2009)
  • Eclipse (2011)
  • Greatest Hits 2 (2011)
  • Escape & Frontiers Live In Japan (2019)
  • Freedom (2022)
  • Live In Concert Lollapalooza (2022)
  • Alive In America (2022 booteg)
  • Neal Schon’s Journey Through Time (2023)

REVIEW: Slaughter – Stick It Live (1991 EP)

SLAUGHTER – Stick It Live (Chrysalis EP, 1991)

Slaughter were hot on the heels of their self-titled debut with a quickie live EP.  They were on the road so long, they still touring while the EP came and went on the front racks of the record stores!  The band were on fire in 1990 and 91, and Stick It Live was necessary to satisfy demand for more Slaughter.  However…

I absolutely hate listening to a live album when you can hear two or three tracks simultaneously of the lead singer.  Here, you can hear several Mark Slaughters singing together at once. Come on, Slaughter. We’re not stupid. And the thing is, from seeing them live opening for Cinderella, I know they don’t need the overdubs. The review that I wrote for my school paper at the time said, “Mark Slaughter has proved that his high-pitched wail is not studio trickery.” Well, you can’t tell that by this live EP!

Take the opening track, “Burning Bridges”. At several points you can hear several Marks singing at once. Why was this done? Did the live recordings suck?  Was it because the record company forced it?  Or because it was the fashion at the time?  I dunno. A live album (or EP) is an historical document, so too many bands feel they have to make them “perfect”. When in reality, perfect should have been as-is.  Documentary style.  My favourite live albums are often bootleg quality.

“Eye To Eye” follows “Burning Bridges”, opening with some stupid Crue-esque spoken word bit about an “ancient book of wisdom” and other unrelated nonsense. It’s a shame because “Eye To Eye” was one of their best songs. Once the song gets going, it’s fine, but you can still hear two or three Marks on the pre-chorus.  From there it’s into rote versions of the two big singles, “Fly to the Angels” and “Up All Night”.  The set ends with a high octane “Loaded Gun”, their album closer as well.  One issue to the overall listening experience is that the songs fade in and out, which may or may not be to your taste.

One fascinating note:  Mark goes out of his way to tell the audience that “Fly to the Angels” was not about suicide because “it sucks”!  Judas Priest were fighting for the musical lives in their infamous “suicide trial”, and Ozzy Osbourne was dealing with similar accusations of promoting suicide to the young and vulnerable.  An interesting artefact of 1990-91.

2/5 stars. A pretty fine live set otherwise spoiled by the dreaded studio trickery.

The Jex Russell Show on Grab A Stack of Rock! CDs Galore! With John Snow, Aaron KMA, and Metal Roger

Get well soon, Harrison!  The Mad Metal Man was unable to co-host tonight’s show with Jex Russell, so what did Jex do?  He grabbed the bull by the horns, the guitar by the neck, and the stack of rock by the stones!  It was the historic first-ever episode of Grab A Stack of Rock with Mike and the Mad Metal Man…without Mike, or the Mad Metal Man.

Jex, you dapper handsome movie star.  I admit, I had it coming.  It was not unearned.  But vengeance shall be mine. ;)

On with the show:  Dressed to the nines, Jex pulled out all the stops tonight.  Tonight’s musical physical media included:

Jex with buying tips, some psychedelic rock,  Hard Rock Gold, Over 60 Minutes With…, some Vital Idol, Deep Purple, DEVO, Pat Benatar, Ten Years After, Jimi Hendrix, Billy Squier, and Motley Crue ’94!

Jazz, soul & blues provided by Aaron “Mr. Books” of the KMA with: Tobin Sprout (only 1000 made), GBV, Hilliard Ensemble, John Lee Hooker, Prince, Ry Cooder, Simply Red, Gojira, Matt Costa, Oscar Peterson, Rheostatics, Kurt Vile, Live at Leeds, a live album in Toronto, the sound of Starbucks, Phil Collins, Blues Brothers, Hootie, Debussy, Yo-Yo Ma, Hans Zimmer, and dad memes.  Sadly no opera and “y’all-ternative country” (with apologies).

John T. Snow from The Collection brought on the hard rock side of things.  We had his early thoughts on the new Ace Frehley 10,000 Volts (red transparent vinyl and lentincular cover CD), KISS final show merch and memorabilia, new Collective Soul 8-track (!!), a Canadian gift from Aaron, and new Jeff Scott Soto.

Metal Roger on marital harmony, comedy relief, heavy metal and screamo.  He brought some Metallica, Death Cab, Papa Roach, Queen, Guns N’ Roses, and books!

Thank you guys for doing the show and giving me a night to just watch and enjoy.  I’ll be back Monday with Tim Durling for a special episode on the complete Journey discography!

 

 

A LeBrainless Panel with New Arrivals, Jazz, Hard Rock and Metal on Grab A Stack of Rock

GRAB A STACK OF ROCK With Mike and the Mad Metal Man

Episode 52:  Jex, Aaron, John and Metal Roger!

First order of business:  Get well soon, Harrison!  The Mad Metal Man is unable to co-host tonight’s episode, so filling in for him will be Jex Russell.

I don’t know precisely what the guys will be showing off, but new arrivals are guaranteed!  We will see Kiss, Metallica, Billy Idol, The Who, Chuck Berry and a whole whack of fresh jazz from Mr. Books.

The panel tonight:

  • Hosted by: Jex Russell from Jex’s Vinyl World
  • Jazz provided by Aaron “Mr. Books” of the KMA
  • John T. Snow from The Collection on the hard rock side of things
  • And Metal Roger on comedy relief and heavy metal

Historically speaking, this is the first ever episode of Grab A Stack of Rock with Mike and the Mad Metal Man, without Mike or the Mad Metal Man.  But fear not, Mike will be back on Monday with Tim Durling for a very special Journey episode for Jon Cain’s birthday!

Friday Feb 23 at 8:00 P.M. E.S.T. / 9:00 P.M. Atlantic.   Enjoy on YouTube, or Twitter!!  (Facebook has been problematic of late.)

The Adventures of Tee Bone Man: Tee Bone Man Goes Back to School (Part Two)

THE ADVENTURES OF TEE BONE MAN
PHASE TWO: THE MULTIVERSE SAGA

Chapter Twenty-Four: Tee Bone Man and Superdekes Go Back to School (Part Two)

The bell rang loudly as the children raced back to their desks in Mrs. Powers’ classroom.

“Come on, back to your seats!   You were capable of moving faster on your way out, but not your way back in; now why would that be?” she scolded aloud.  The kids laughed, ignoring her.  Tee Bone Man and Superdekes just chuckled to themselves as they watched the chaos from the front of the room.

“School Daze, eh Tee Bone?” nudged Deke.

“Tick tock, three o’clock,” responded Tee Bone.

The kids were now all sitting attentively, waiting for Tee Bone Man and Superdekes to finish telling the story of their adventures.  While they were out at recess, Deke had sketched some diagrams on the blackboard.

“So, kids, like we were saying earlier, our adventures were about to get a lot more serious.  We told you about our friend Mr. Moustachio.”  Tee Bone noticed that Ripper the squirrel was perched outside the window now, listening to this part of the story.

“The day came when we met Moustachio, for what turned out to be the last time.”  Tee Bone fought to keep his composure.  “It was a crazy, crazy night!  Our adventure took us all the way to an island in the Caribbean; it’s really nice and warm there, which is fine, but we had to fight a bunch of bad guys in the middle of a deadly amusement part!  That was scary, wasn’t it Deke?”

Deke had sketched some illustrations.  “That’s right Tee,” he answered.  He pointed to a picture of a dinosaur and a rollercoaster.  “I had to navigate this shady amusement park ride, while you wound up in the hall of mirrors!”

“I don’t mind telling you kids, that was scary.  Fortunately, it was there we met up with Moustachio and Ripper one more time.”

[FURTHER READING:  Tee Bone Man Chapter 16: A Crazy Crazy Night Part One]

“He saved your tail, if I recall,” reminded Deke.  “Either way, we had to stop a man called Wicked Lester.  And you know from that name alone, he’s not on our side.”

“He had rigged this whole island against us.  From a ‘Psycho Circus’ to a weird creepy rusty kitchen.  It was a bad, bad scene, kids!” exclaimed Tee Bone with a wide expression on his face.

“Fortunately, our good friend the Snowman came along to help us,” added Deke.

[FURTHER READING:  Tee Bone Man Chapter 16: A Crazy Crazy Night Part Two]

“And don’t forget the Brainiac,” added Tee Bone Man.  “He came in with a last-minute save, rest his soul.”

A child in the middle row of the classroom raised her hand like a dart.

“Wait a minute, you were on island in the Caribbean?” she asked sceptically.

Tee Bone nodded affirmative.  “That’s right.”

“And your friends just happened to arrive in time?  Isn’t the Caribbean thousands of kilometers away from here?”

Tee Bone’s mouth was about to open to answer, but the kid kept at him.

“And they all just happened to make it there on time?”  The girl crossed her arms in disbelief.  “This sounds made-up.”

“They had their own transportation,” explained Deke.  “Listen, we’re alive today because of them.”

“Hold up, hold up!”  The kid was not taking this sitting down.  She stood and raised her arms in the air.  “They had their own transportation to the Caribbean?  Are all your friends billionaires?”

“No!  Well, just one.  Maybe two.”  Tee Bone then calmly walked to the girl’s desk and whispered in her ear.  “Listen kid.  Stop asking questions.  If you ask questions it’ll stop making sense, so just sit down in your little chair and keep it zipped!”  Tee Bone made a zipper movement across his lips with his hand.  “Zip it!”

The girl sat quietly in her chair and stuck out her tongue.

“Anyway!  Don’t worry about minor details. Boring stuff!  Trust me!  The point is, we got off the island after we saved the world, again!”

“Well,” interrupted Deke.  “Most of us got off the island.”

A kid in the front gasped.  “What happened?”

“This’ll take some explaining,” began Deke, “But I assume you kids like movies.  Have you seen Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness?”  A couple kids raised their hands.  “Well, I got news for you kids.  Me and Tee Bone…”  The teacher Mrs. Powers glared at him from the back.  “I mean, Tee Bone and I discovered that the multiverse is real.  Everything that exists here and now…also exists in other universes, some identical to ours and most of them vastly different.”  Deke started making sketches on the blackboard of what a whole bunch of universes might look like.  “So out there somewhere, a place so distant from us that we don’t have way to measure it or even a word for how vast the multiverse is…out there somewhere is another you, another me, another Powers, another Tee Bone.  And the reason we know that is because our friend Moustachio is lost out there in it.”

“What happened?!?” shrieked a kid in the back.

“We don’t exactly know,” said Deke.  “We know there was a flash of orange light, and our friend disappeared like that.”  He snapped his fingers.  “But we’ve studied all the evidence we have, and everything says ‘multiverse’.  It’s real and that’s where our friend is right now.”

[FURTHER READING:  Tee Bone Man Chapter 16:  A Crazy Crazy Night Part Three, and Mr Moustachio’s Multitude of Marvellous Multiversal Misadventures]

“Wow,” said Mrs. Powers.  “This is going to make the next science class seem boring by comparison, and you know these kids will be asking multiverse questions that I cannot answer.  You know that, right Deke?  Right Tee Bone?”  Her eyes shot icicles at the two men.  A bead of sweat ran down Tee Bone’s nose and onto his lip.  It quivered in fear.  A feeling the man was simply not used to.

“I…gotta go use the washroom,” said Tee Bone.  “Deke, you wanna handle this next part?”

Deke shrugged.  “I guess I have to.  I should have drank two double-doubles on my way here too.”  One kid laughed.  Clearly his parents were coffee drinkers.  “While Tee Bone’s taking a break, let’s talk a minute about how important it is to take breaks!  I know you kids have lots of homework, but don’t forget to relax and have fun every once in a while.  Tee Bone and I do it too.  We have to!  Otherwise we’d have no energy to fight the bad guys!”  He made punching motions with his hands.  “Lego,” nodded Deke.  “Lego is a good pastime for young and old alike!”

[FURTHER READING:  Tee Bone Man Chapter 14:  Tee Bone Man and Superdekes Discover the Tao, and Chapter 19: Tee Bone and Superdekes Vs. The Lego]

Deke took a deep sip of water so that he could excuse himself for the next pee break.  He then focused himself, for this next part of the story was the darkest and hardest to tell.

“With the multiverse opening up before us, we needed help.  And help we got.  Our friend the Brainiac put us in touch with other super heroes.  Because of him, we put together a team.  We call ourselves the Northern Lights.  You know what that is, right kids?”  All the Thunder Bay kids knew what the Northern Lights are, of course!  “Well we named ourselves that because we are a like a light in our darkest hour!  Today we have eleven members…”

A loud “SQUEE!  SQUEE!” from outside interrupted Deke’s speech.

“Sorry!  Twelve members!  Besides Tee Bone and me…”  Mrs. Powers coughed angrily!  “I mean…Tee Bone and I?  Besides Tee Bone and I, there’s Ripper over there!  Everyone say hello to Ripper the Squirrel!”  The jet-black squirrel waved a paw back.  “We also have our friends the Snowman, Max the Axe, the Mars Man, Mr. Books, and some new friends too.  We call them the King of the Sharks, the Night Ranger, and the Jexciter!  You should see these guys.  The one guy wears a shark hat, one looks like Batman, and the other one never has a shirt on because he’s so muscular!”  Deke popped an impressive muscle on his right bicep.  “We also have an actual knight named Bernard, and an eccentric billionaire named Mr. Durling.  And that’s twelve.  We also have allies in space and in England, and we’re getting stronger every day.”

[FURTHER READING:  Tee Bone Man Chapter 22:  Enter the Durling Foundation]

“What about the Brainiac?” asked a kid who was clearly paying attention.  “You said ‘rest his soul’!”

That’s when Tee Bone walked back into the room.  Deke excused himself as promised, leaving Tee to finish the hard part of the story.

“We lost Brainiac,” he said, taking off his glasses as he looked down at his boots.  He paused.  The silence hung heavy in the air.  “We were looking for clues.  A friend of his was killed.  We were trying to discover who did it.  That’s when Shinzon showed up.”

“The clone?” asked the kid who was paying attention.

“The clone.  At one point or another, we found out he was named after Captain Picard’s evil clone in Star Trek:  Nemesis.  Somebody had a sense of humour when they named him, because Shinzon really is pure evil.  And we’ll get him.  I promise you kids, Shinzon is not coming back to this planet without answering to us.”

[FURTHER READING:  Tee Bone Man Chapter 17:  Tee Bone Man vs. Edie Van Heelin’, Shinzon: Dread and the Fugitive Mind, Chapter 20: The Death of Edie Van Heelin’, Chapter 21: Fate of the Brainiac.

Deke re-entered the room at that moment. “And that pretty much gets us up to speed,” he said.  “We’ve been fighting evil and saving rock and roll for a couple years now, but we have a solid team behind us.  We have a pretty good idea what we are up against.  And we will win.”

Mrs. Powers clapped, and the students followed suit.  “Thank you, gentlemen.  You are welcome back in my classroom any day.”

Tee Bone and Superdekes bowed.  “Any more questions?” asked Tee Bone.

The kid who seemed to be paying attention raised his hand.  “I have a question!”

“Go ahead,” answered Tee Bone.

“Remember your friend Moustachio disappeared in a flash of orange light?  Did it look like that light outside?”  The kid pointed through the window.  Ripper the Squirrel, who was seated outside on the windowsill, turned to look.  There was indeed a flashing orange light outside.  From that light, poured several small figures.  Four-legged figures.  Furry ones.  And they were heading towards the school.”

“C’mon Deke!  We better check this out!”  At that, the two heroes opened the classroom door — where they were confronted by a woman in black.  Her hair was fire red, and she was surrounded by dogs.  Schnauzers!

“Hello, Tee Bone Man.  Greetings Superdekes.  I’m Doctor K.  Let’s talk about my brother,” she growled.  The Schnauzers joined her in growling.

Deke meekly waved hello.  “Hi, lady.  Who is your brother?”

This only seemed to make her angry.   “You don’t remember me.  I was at the funeral.  You were supposed to protect him.  Instead you brought home his body.”  The Schnauzers continued to growl.  Tee Bone and Deke stepped out of the classroom into the hallway and closed the door behind them.

“Ohhhh…” answered Tee Bone.  “The Brainiac.  I’m so sorry for your loss, Doctor K.  We did our best to save him, but we were too late.  The evil clone Shinzon got to him first.  But we are not resting until we catch him.  Him and his boss, the one who sent him, Lord Tyranus.  We’re onto them both.  I assure you, we won’t rest…”

“ENOUGH!” she screamed.  She then removed a bass clarinet from a black leather case by her side.  “I’m here for my revenge!”  She blew into the mouthpiece.  Tee Bone and Superdekes were immediately thrown against the wall by the blast of bass!

“Ouch!” yelled Tee Bone.  “Take it easy Doc, let us help!”

“YOU HAVE DONE ENOUGH!”  She prepared to blast them again.

“Quick!  To the gymnasium!” cried Deke.  The two ran out a side door, but Doctor K and her Schnauzer army were ready.

“You think you can run?  I recruited this Schnauzer army from the furthest reaches of the multiverse!  The most vicious Schnauzers ever bred.  Schnauzers…ATTACK!”  She pointed at the two men running down the hall, and they pursued with drool dripping from their sharp fangs!

The pair ran towards the gymnasium, and slammed the doors behind them.  They could hear Schnauzers thudding against the doors, and they struggled to hold them shut.

“What do you we do now Tee?” asked Deke.  “We can’t fight the Brainiac’s sister, and we can’t hurt those cute but vicious animals.  We’re stuck, buddy!  You even left your guitar back in the classroom!”

“I’m as stymied as you, buddy.  Keep holding that door…we need a plan!”

“I’m trying!  Those Schnauzers are too tough!” answered Deke.

Suddenly there was a blast of bass.  The doors shattered, and our two heroes were thrown like rag dolls onto the gymnasium floor.  Doctor K strode through, followed by her army of animals.  Tee Bone rubbed his head from the fall.  Deke’s face was bleeding from shattered glass.  Tee Bone raised his hand in a “stop” motion.

“Doctor K…you have to listen to us!”  The doctor interrupted him before he could finish.

“My brother listened to you and you got him killed!  Why shouldn’t I finish you right now?”  The Schnauzer army was ready to strike, teeth bare and hungry.  They quietly growled.

“What if…what if we promised to bring you Shinzon?  He’s the one who did it…what if we brought you the real killer?” asked Tee.

Doctor K lowered her bass clarinet and commanded the Schnauzers to heel.

“Bring me the ‘real’ killer.  You have 30 days.  If you fail, I guarantee these Schnauzers will taste your blood!  Just as the day time turns into night time…just like the rich man needs lots of money…I will be back.  30 days.”  She then blew a series of special notes on her bass clarinet.  It summoned an orange light.

“30 days!” she reminded them, as she stepped through the orange portal with her army and disappeared.

Tee Bone and Superdekes sat on the ground, one sweating and one bleeding.

“I think the plot just thickened,” said Deke.

To be continued….

THE ADVENTURES OF TEE BONE MAN:  PHASE ONE – THE SQUIRREL SAGA 

THE ADVENTURES OF TEE BONE MAN:  PHASE TWO – THE MULTIVERSE SAGA

 

 

THE COMPLETE ADVENTURES OF EDIE VAN HEELIN’

THE WRITER’S ROOM