Jen In Space: Mission One
A Tee Bone Man Multiverse Story
Immediately following the events of Tee Bone Man Chapter 22: Enter the Durling Foundation
The uniformed man at the reception desk looked up over his spectacles. His eyebrows raised and he immediately stood at attention. Before him stood a blonde girl holding an acoustic guitar, a smile beaming from her face.
“Jennifer Ladano reporting for duty!” she announced.
“Yes! Mrs. Ladano. We’ve been expecting you. Please, put your things down here behind my desk. We’ll make sure everything gets properly loaded. Come with me please? We have so much to do before your journey.”
“Thank you so much,” answered the woman as she handed over her purse and guitar. But please, call me Mrs. Brainiac. That’s what my teammates call me.”
The man smiled. “Ah yes! We were filled in on the details by your liason, a Tee Bone Man?” Jen nodded in acknowledgement. “It says here your trip is being funded by the Durling Foundation, and American magnate John Snow. Impressive stuff. How did you hook up with those kinds of people, if you don’t mind me asking? That’s pretty rarified air.”
“Through my husband,” she answered with a hint of sadness. “He and his friend co-founded our group, the Northern Lights. But…he was killed in battle. I’m carrying on his mission in his name. I work directly for Tee Bone Man, who I see you’re familiar with. He’s a superhero, and the Northern Lights are here to protect us all. My mission is to be his eyes in space. That’s why I signed on for this flight.”
Impressed, the man checked off some boxes on a clipboard.
“And the guitar?” he asked.
“I used to play. I thought I’d take it up again, entertain the crew. They say it can get pretty quiet in space.”
The man smiled. “You’d think that, but it’s actually a fallacy. The fact of the matter is, there are so many pumps and fans and machines constantly working to keep you alive on a spaceship, there’s always some background noise. You get used to it, though.”
Jen didn’t look concerned. “I brought my earbuds, too.”
The man pointed ahead to a big blue beauty of a ship outside a massive observation window. “You’re going to like the Galaxy Explorer,” he enthused. “It’s the latest in space technology. I understand Snow undersigned the whole project. Deep pockets!” He stopped walking and got serious a moment. “You seem like a nice person. You have some pretty powerful friends. Are you sure you’re up for this?”
“I need to do this,” she answered simply.
“OK,” said the man. Let’s get you suited up and introduce you to the crew. We call them the Fantastic Four!”
Jen was now in a blue spacesuit. She held a white helmet under her arm. She insisted on blue. Eventually, they found one in storage. She was adamant: she would not wear another team’s colours! Nobody seemed to know what she meant, but she was now happily in the right suit.
“Gentlemen!” said the man to the four astronauts waiting to board. “Let me introduce you to your special passenger. This is Mrs. Brainiac. If you’ve read your mission briefings, which I know you haven’t, then you’ll know she’s being overseen by John T. Snow and the Durling Foundation! This means anything she needs, you get it. Understood?”
“Yes Admiral!” the four answered with salutes.
“Admiral? You didn’t tell me you were an admiral!” said Jen with shock as she awkwardly saluted.
“Stand down Mrs. Brainiac,” he smiled. “You’re not enlisted and you don’t have to salute. And you can just call me Doug. Clear? Now, here are your crewmates for this mission!” Each astronaut shook her hand in turn. “We call them the Fantastic Four because, well, you’ll understand why. In the red spacesuit, this is Captain Frank Kerman, mission commander. Also in red, this is Commander Fred Dika, second in change. In white, science officer Fritz DeAngelis. And finally, also in white, geologist Finn Oxford.”
Jen’s head spun. “Frank…Fred…Fritz…and Finn. This won’t get confusing at all. I apologize in advance for messing up all your names!”
The group laughed. Captain Frank patted her on the back. “No problem and welcome to the team, Mrs. Brainiac. Contrary to the Admiral’s assumptions, I have read the mission briefings twice. Your husband was a hero ma’am. I am sorry for your loss.”
“It’s OK,” she mumbled. “Let’s see our ship.”
Captain Frank extended his hand. “Follow me ma’am. Admiral?”
The Admiral saluted. “Safe travels, Captain. Moon and back. Simple as apple pie.”
“Simple as pie,” saluted the Captain in return.
“This is so exciting!” said Jen as the quintet boarded through the rear ramp. The ramp led up to an airlock with a moon rover docked and locked down. Jen’s guitar was stowed on a wall. Through the airlock, the astronauts entered the ship’s main quarters.
“Welcome aboard the Galaxy Explorer! State of the art, and our home for the next two weeks!”
On the outside, the sleek delta shaped ship was decked out in classic blue, grey and yellow. Inside, it was equipped with all the latest tech. Jen’s eyes were wide in awe.
“There’s so many controls! These were not in the manuals I studied!” she gasped.
Science Officer Fritz smiled at her. “Don’t worry about all that, this is my territory. As science officer, I’m qualified on every station on board this ship.”
“So…what do I do?” asked Jen.
“Right now, you get your helmet on and strap in, because it’s T-minus 30 minutes to launch!” answered Captain Frank. “Jen, for the launch, I’d be honoured if you’d sit in the cockpit with us. Finn…geologists in the back!”
“But I called shotgun!” sulked geologist Finn as he took a bunk in the back.
“Helmets on, visors down!” ordered the captain. “We launch in 30!”
The minutes ticked away slower than any that Jen had ever experienced. With the Leafs in overtime dying to score a winning goal, the clocks had never seem to move so slowly. But tick away the minutes did, and soon it was 60 seconds to launch. The crew flicked switches and issued instructions to each other. 30 seconds. The engines were already roaring. 20 seconds. 10. 9. 8. 7…
“LAUNCH!” commanded the captain. The engines ignited in massive flames, dozens of feet in length. The mighty craft lifted off the ground. There were no crowds to see our brave crew off. This mission was top secret, by orders of Tee Bone Man himself. It was on a need to know basis. Within the Northern Lights, only Tee Bone, Superdekes, Snowman, and Tim Durling knew where Mrs. Brainiac was. For her safety, it had to stay that way. Max the Axe liked to talk.
Contrails of white followed the craft through the sky. Soon that was all that could be seen. Shortly after that, even the echo of the mighty engines could not be heard from the ground.
Jen was worried that the three day trip to the moon would be dull, with nothing to take up her time. Far from it. The Galaxy Explorer was equipped with the most sensitive observation devices invented to date. These were provided by Superdekes, and they were already collecting massive amounts of data for Jen to sift through.
“Tee Bone Man wanted me to be his eyes and ears in space,” she signed, “but there is so much here to go through. There has to be a way to simplify this data.”
She put on her glasses, got an old fashioned pen and paper out, and began writing numbers down.
“Well, I do have an OCD for numbers, I guess I was meant for this job,” she said with determination.
It only took 15 minutes for her to detect the outlines of a pattern in the numbers. She got the captain’s attention.
“Captain Frank? Can you tune all ship sensors directly towards the moon? I’m noticing a strange spike in various signals any time the sensors were on the moon.”
“Copy that, mission specialist. Tuning all sensors moonward,” responded the Captain.
This was fun! Jen was enjoying herself. Being in space even felt good, always floating around in her seat. She had an idea.
“Captain, requesting streaming access for Hockey Night in Canada on monitor one,” she requested.
“Approved…” answered the captain with hesitation. “Purpose?” he questioned.
“Oh, just in case the two are connected?” answered Jen with no confidence in her voice.
“Proceed,” answered the captain just as the hockey broadcast hit Jen’s screen.
“Sweet!” she smiled to herself. “YES! First goal of the series!!” she exclaimed out loud.
“Repeat that?” asked commander Fred.
“Umm, nothing, just found…an anomaly in the data…” answered Jen with a sly grin. This was going to be fun for sure.
Three days later, the ship had landed successfully on the moon. Thanks to Jen’s data analysis, they were able to touch down just where there seemed to be some odd energy patterns. There was no sign on the ground of anyone having been here before, but there was something strange. Perhaps several feet under the regolith. It was hard to tell exactly what they were picking up, but it was here.
Taking shifts, the crew enjoyed some time outside the ship. Jen even got to drive the moon rover, and didn’t crash it.
Today was her day on the rover again. The sensors were picking up something in a nearby crater now, and she was sent to investigate.
“Take this,” said Captain Frank as he handed her a laser pistol. “I know you were trained on how to use this. Don’t be shy if you have to.”
“Yes Captain,” said Jen. “I’ll have to tell you the story of my first Thanksgiving with Michael, when he took me to the family cottage and I had to stay in a room with guns hanging from a gunrack made of deer parts.” The captain looked puzzled. “It’s a good story,” assured Jen. “It’s not my first gun is what I’m saying.”
“Ah. OK. Good luck, specialist. Report back in an hour or less.”
“Yes Captain!” saluted Jen. “Off we go. Wooooo!” She gunned the engine of the moon rover and made her way to the crater, kicking up moon dust the whole way behind.
Though she was enjoying driving without a license, she just had to stop and enjoy the view.
“I’ve never seen the stars so clear before,” she marveled. “Mike would be here telling me the names of the constellations,” she contemplated.
“Did you say Mike??” asked a voice, somehow broadcasting on Jen’s helmet’s channel!
“Who said that??” screamed a startled Jen. “Who’s there?” There was nobody there.
“I’m sorry…I didn’t mean to scare you. I knew a Mike. I wonder if it’s the same one.” An alien decloaked in front of her eyes. “I’m sorry for the deception, but there bad people here on the moon. I have been hiding. But…you look like someone I can trust.”
Jen could not believe her eyes. Before her stood an alien, a real alien, all in green, with no spacesuit. Just hanging out on the moon like it was nobody’s business.
“Well, my friend, I am sorry to tell you that Mike is a very common name back on Earth.” She paused to point at the big blue globe in the sky. “That’s where I’m from. Earth. Are you from the moon? Do you have a name? My name is Jen.”
“My name is Fillmore. Fillmore West. I’m from Zeta Reticuli. I had a spaceship and a crew and everything once, but then an Earthling named Tommy Lee took it all. I had some human friends. They were named Fanboy Mike and Edie Van Heelin’…”
Jen’s mouth dropped. “Did you say…”
“You do know him!” gasped Fillmore.
“I knew both of them,” sighed Jen. “Mike was my husband. They’re both gone now, killed in action fighting the forces of evil.”
Fillmore’s expression changed. Jen assumed he was sad too. “I’m so sorry. They were good. They helped me. I miss them.”
“I miss my Brainiac,” said Jen, “but you said that there were bad people here on the moon. Tell me about them. Can I call you Phil?”
The alien jumped. “Yes! You can call me Phil. The bad people come when the craters are in shadow. They bring strange cargo. I know not what for. I see them. There is a human. He wears a spacesuit, like yours, but white and orange. He has robot bodyguards. They shoot at me if they see me. But they have not got me yet! Phil, Phil is smart!” The alien pointed at his enormous head. “I hide! They can’t find me.”
“You poor thing!” said Jen with empathy. “But you’re with me now. I am here with friends. Would you like to go meet them?”
Phil shuddered. “No friends, no friends! Just Jen.” She could see he was scared of humans, thanks to his experiences with Tommy Lee. Jen never liked Motley Crue. Mike didn’t play Motley music around her very often, but when he did…she wasn’t into it, shall we say. Now she felt more justified than ever.
“OK Phil. Just you and me.”
“We are friends,” responded the alien.
The hours flew past, and Jen lost track of time. Her one great weakness. She chatted with Phil all this time, telling him of Earth pastimes such as baseball and hockey, all the while gleaning crucial pieces of information. She already knew of Tommy Lee’s involvement with the bad guys threatening Earth. That much was in her top secret info packet from Tee Bone Man. Thanks to Phil, she was learning of Lee’s movements and actions. Multiple trips to Mar-A-Lago, Florida. A few voyages to space to meet a mysterious benefactor, and several liasons with Satan himself. Tee Bone Man and Superdekes were going to find this information extremely valuable.
Suddenly, she noticed that shadows were creeping over her. “Oh no…”
Phil looked at her in what she assumed was panic. “The crater is in shadow! The bad men…”
On cue, a small spacecraft slowly drifted in shadow over the crater. It could only be seen by the stars it blocked as it moved.
“Single seater?” asked Jen.
“One passenger,” answered Phil, “But he has battle droids.”
The shadowy ship slowly descended.
“Tell me about the battle droids,” queried Jen.
“Heavily armed,” cautioned Phil.
The craft set down gently. The cockpit opened, and a ramp opened in the back, from which the two battle droids exited as Phil had warned. The pilot, in an orange and white spacesuit, looked about. He did not see them. The pilot walked towards a large moon rock. He felt around it, and suddenly the rock moved, revealing a hidden passage on the floor of the crater. The droids loaded some cargo in the passage. The pilot then touched the rock again, and it moved back into its previous position.
A droid turned and looked directly at where they were hiding.
Phil turned and looked at Jen. A bead of sweat ran down her face. Neither of them moved. The droid stared. Jen’s helmet was starting to fog. Phil looked terrified.
The two sat in their position for what seemed like an eternity. The droid was motionless. They could not guess how long they sat there in the regolith without moving.
Finally, the droid turned, and began walking back to the ship.
“Whew!” exclaimed Phil. “I thought he had us!”
A new voice answered him.
“He did.”
Jen and Phil turned in shock. The pilot in orange and white stood before them.
“He was just buying me time to surround you. Weapons down.” The pilot bore a sword and held it to Phil’s long alien neck.
Jen removed her laser gun from her spacesuit and placed it on the ground. Phil raised his hands in terror. The second battle droid had joined them.
“Now, who are you, and what are you doing here in this specific crater on the moon?” demanded the pilot.
“We’re the Care Bears,” answered Jen sarcastically. “And you are?”
The pilot’s gold visor turned transparent, and he revealed his face. Human.
“I’m just a good Samaritan, stowing medical supplies and food rations in this depot,” he demurred. “You must forgive my aggressive stance, we get raided by pirates so frequently.” A smile emerged on his face. “You seem harmless. At least without your little ray gun. My name is Colonel Cooper. I am a humanitarian and pacifist.”
Phil seemed suddenly relieved, but Jen pushed.
“A pacifist with two beefy battle droids?”
The Colonel smiled. “Pirates, my dear. Only for defence.”
“Funny you should say that, because my friend Phil here says you’ve shot at him before.”
He smiled some more. “A misunderstanding! Come, let me take you to your ship. I’m sure you’re not alone and I’d like to meet your friends.”
Jen had to think fast. If she let those two battle droids anywhere near the Galaxy Explorer, there’s a good chance they could disable it and capture her friends, leaving her stranded here on the moon.
Then she remembered. Her guitar. She brought it with her.
“Sure thing Colonel Cooper!” she answered brightly. We just have to follow the tracks back, from my moon rover. It’s right over here. Wanna see?” The Colonel followed Jen as she led him towards the rover. “It’s pretty cool,” she said. Then she leaped, using the moon’s 1/6th gravity to her advantage! She landed next to the rover and swiftly grabbed her guitar from the back rack! Cooper was not fooled any longer and also jumped, aiming to take Jen down. But in her hands now was a beautiful Yamaha acoustic guitar. With a mighty swing that would have made Jose Bautista proud, she nailed Cooper directly in the head.
His helmet flew off.
Jen swung her shattered guitar again. The remnants of the instrument removed the skin from the Colonel’s face, revealing the glowing blue circuitry of an android beneath.
She gasped. Phil’s eyes widened in what must be shock.
“A robot?” she exclaimed.
The android sputtered and shook on the floor of the crater, at least temporarily disabled. Suddenly, Jen and Phil were surrounded by battle droids. They raised their weapons, but Jen did not have her ray gun.
A powerful light beamed down from overhead.
“This is Captain Frank Kerman of the Galaxy Explorer! Deactivate your weapons and back off!” The droids did as commanded.
“Specialist Jen! You were to check in after one hour! That was four hours ago!”
Jen was just relieved to hear the captain’s voice. “Sorry Captain! But I have acquired valuable information…and made a new friend. You’re going to want to hear this story.”
Suddenly, the android body of Colonel Cooper exploded. The two battle droids followed his example.
“Self-destruct,” reasoned Jen. “Now we can’t get any more information from them.”
“Sounds like you got us plenty,” answered the Captain. “Let’s get you on board and debriefed immediately.”
Jen grabbed the remnants of her guitar, and loaded it onto the Galaxy Explorer, with Phil at her side.
The captain, Jen and Phil all sat together in the airlock, while the rest of the crew occupied the cockpit. With the airlock pressurized, they were able to talk with helmets off. The captain spoke.
“We dug up their so-called supply depot. It wasn’t medication or foodstuffs. It was weapons. Good job, specialist Ladano. You and Phil here stopped a major operation.”
“But weapons for what?” asked Jen.
“Invasion,” responded Phil.
The mood in the room was grim. A monitor lit up.
“Deke’s Palace, Superdekes on the line,” said the face on the monitor. “Jen! Nice to see you. How are you doing?”
“Great, Deke!” she answered. “I just had my first adventure in space!”
“And she got us valuable information, Deke,” said Captain Frank. “Every detail about Tommy Lee’s activities for the last year, and now this weapons depot we uncovered today.”
“Tee Bone Man is gonna wanna know about this,” said Deke with dark seriousness. “Jen, how comfortable are you right now? Because I think we’re gonna need your eyes and ears in space for a while longer.”
“Whatever you need Deke,” said Jen. “We got this.”
Deke nodded solemnly. “And we got your back. The Northern Lights are in your debt.”
“Then buy me a coffee when I get home and we’ll call it even,” said Jen.
“Deal. Deke out.”
“Ready for lift-off!” announced Commander Fred. “Launch!”
The Galaxy Explorer set off from the surface of the moon, on her way to their next adventure.
The end.
THE ADVENTURES OF TEE BONE MAN: PHASE ONE – THE SQUIRREL SAGA 
THE ADVENTURES OF TEE BONE MAN: PHASE TWO – THE MULTIVERSE SAGA
THE COMPLETE ADVENTURES OF EDIE VAN HEELIN’
THE WRITER’S ROOM
EVIL ELVIS – Undead Or Alive (2015)
mikeladano.com 