star wars

DVD REVIEW: Guns N’ Roses – Live in Paradise City (2011)

GUNS N’ ROSES – Live in Paradise City (2011 Access All Areas DVD, from a television broadcast source)

Rock In Rio 4, Rio de Janeiro, Brazil, October 2, 2011.  Guns N’ Roses headlining the final night.

Paddington Rose

Paddington Rose

Rio loves Guns N’ Roses!  Always did, still do.  It’s pouring rain, but the fans are present and accounted for.  Good thing they are able to see the huge stage through three massive video screens, otherwise I don’t know how they’d tell one member from another.  Well, Axl’s blinding yellow Paddington Bear coat makes him easy enough to see.

“Chinese Democracy” opens the set, with bassist Tommy Stinson handling the backup vocals on the chorus.  Ron Thal’s playing a double neck (the top one is fretless)  and is rocking the samurai hair.  The solo is played by DJ Ashba, with Thal handling the outro shredding.  “Good evening! Good morning!” says Axl after the first song, before asking, “Do you know where the fuck you are?”  Of course that means “Jungle” is next.  Axl’s voice just sounds shredded, as he struggles high and thin through the hard notes, no grit left intact.  Once in a while the old Axl wails, but he was really off in Rio.

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THAL-1138

One thing about Guns N’ Roses new vs. old:  The old band looked unified in image.  All of them looked like Hollywood dirtbags.  In this band, you have the glam looking DJ Ashba, Frank Ferrer who looks like a trucker, Axl with his pimpstache, and a guy in a Stormtrooper helmet.  Admittedly though, Tommy Stinson looks the part as the punk rock bass player, and he also fills Duff’s role as backup singer.

“It’s So Easy” is up third, top loading the setlist with some serious Appetite heavy hitters.  Ashba doesn’t quite nail the solo, but the band are as tight as the originals.  Keyboardist Dizzy Reed looks weird as hell just hitting a tamborine to this sledgehammer tune.  As for rhythm guitarist Richard Fortus (a dead ringer for Izzy Stradlin), he seems to literally attack his instrument with every strum; looks more like he’s punching them!   Another Appetite classic, “Mr. Brownstone” follows.  It is here that I miss Slash for the first time.  His playing on “Brownstone” was always so greasy; so perfect.  Ashba’s playing is a bit too sophisticated.

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Ron “Bumblefoot” Thal

A bloated looking Axl is accompanied by Ron Thal for the opening to “Sorry”, a slow grinder from Chinese Democracy.  This changes the pace of the set.  The song fails to connect.  It’s more expressive live, but not interesting enough.  Time to pee.  Axl then introduces Richard Fortus on guitar who plays some blazing fast licks.  It makes me wonder why the hell this guy doesn’t play more leads.  He’s insanely fast.  This turns into a bit of a band jam, including the James Bond theme.  That strategically merges into “Live and Let Die”, the McCartney original of which was of course the theme of the same titled Bond movie.  The stage has flame throwers blasting, and the crowd goes wild.  Axl’s changed out of the raincoat, now sporting black leather and doing his trademark spinny-spinny dance.

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Frank Ferrer

After a brief pause, Frank Ferrer begins the familiar drum beat that opens “Rocket Queen”.  The fans know it and scream in anticipation.  Unfortunately Axl’s thin voice fails to impress.  Fortus does impress, handling the slide guitar solo himself.  “This I Love” is the next song, and the first ballad of the evening.  Axl struggles a bit with the vocal before he finds his stride part way in.  The dual keyboard concept can be best heard here.  Dizzy plays the piano, while second keyboardist Chris Pitman plays the orchestral arrangement.  But let’s face it: “This I Love” will never replace “November Rain” or “Estranged” as a concert favourite.  It fills that same epic ballad role,  but it just ain’t classic.

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DJ Ashba

DJ Ashba takes the opening lead guitar on the next Guns N’ Roses jam.  I don’t recognize the tune, but it sounds like another soundtrack piece.  I’ve heard some journalists complain that Guns play too many solos from band members that nobody cares about.  They couldn’t be more wrong.  These players are good; very very good.  These instrumental sections, apart from giving Axl a chance to rest his voice, are a showcase for the guys in the band that, like it or not, happen to be Guns N’ Roses.  The fans in Rio treat the members as if they were the originals.

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So once again, Jones, what was briefly yours is now mine.

Ashba breaks into the “Sweet Child O’ Mine” intro, and the fans lose their collective minds.  Rose dons a tan fedora, now looking a bit like René Belloq.  Thal nails that unforgettable wah-wah solo, no mean feat.  But then it’s time for “Estranged”, and Axl just can’t find the key. He pulls it together on the first verse, but this isn’t an easy song.  It does eventually fall into place with the help of some epic soloing.

I would say that the song “Better” from Chinese Democracy is well overdue in the set.  While undoubtedly modern sounding, I think it’s one of the best tunes.  It gives the band a chance to play around with a different kind of heavy.  Bumblefoot Thal plays the fast shreddy guitar part and does backing vocals.

Axl then introduces the band, aside from Bumblefoot and Ashba:

  • Chris “Mothergoose” Pitman
  • Frank “Thunderchucker” Ferrer (“I can never say that last name right. It’s like Ferarri, only different.” — Axl)
  • Mr. Richard Fortus (no nickname)
  • Mr. Tommy Stinson (also no nickname)
  • Mr. Dizzy Reed (I guess his nickname is Dizzy?)

This leads into a Dizzy piano segue on The Who’s “Baba O’Reilly”, as an intro to “Street of Dreams”.  I had made no secret of my love for this song.  I first heard it back in 2001, when Guns played Rio that year.  It was known as “The Blues” at the time.  It’s a concise version of the “epic Guns ballad” and it stands up on its own.  Then it’s time for “You Could Be Mine”.  Ferrer impressively nails the drum intro, and Thal plays the opening guitar moans on his fretless neck.  This great version is followed by Axl sitting at the piano himself, for…you got it…”November Rain”.  There are some sour moments, not least of which is Axl forgetting some of the words!

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Bumblefoot

Finally it’s time for one of my favourite moments of the set: Ron “Bumblefoot” Thal’s rendition of the “Pink Panther” theme (Henry Mancini) on double neck guitar.  It’s familiar melodies like this that keep the solo spots interesting to fans who don’t know the players all that well.  It’s easier for them to swallow.  It’s not like Axl is leaving the stage for some guy to go wheedle-wheedle-wheedle for four and a half minutes.  Guns give you quality for your time.

“Pink Panther” turns into a space age blues jam and back again, merging into “Knockin’ on Heaven’s Door”.  Axl sings this annoyingly nasal.  I will take this moment to point out the irritating habit of the camera to focus on a guitar player who is not the current soloist.  It’s Ashba playing these solos, but half the time the camera is on Fortus, as if they are not sure who is playing, so they guess.  Fortus does get to blaze a solo at the end, thankfully with the camera on him.  Axl playfully quotes Elmer Fudd:  “Be vewy vewy quiet!  I’m hunting wabbits!”  Why, I don’t know.  Maybe he was watching cartoons on the plane.  It’s as good an answer as any.

The main set closes with “Nightrain”, bringing it all back full circle to Appetite again.  In a cool moment, Ashba walks (with security personnel by his side) through a barricaded and secured pathway within the crowd.  “Nightrain” is a strong finish for a band that plays as long and hard as Guns N’ Roses play.  And soon they’re back on stage, acoustic guitars in hand, to play “Patience”.  The quiet tune is all but drowned out by thousands of screaming Brazilians, but even they cannot drown out “Paradise City”.  It’s a natural epic closer, and it’s perfectly awesome, right up until Axl leaves the stage…then the video and audio abruptly fade and that’s the end! Was the broadcast cut off?  I don’t know, but the end jam is cut out, as is the final bow.  That’s it that’s all.

Shoddy.  You can tell it’s not an official release.

3/5 stars

#336: Garage Sales

IMG_20141031_171118RECORD STORE TALES Mk II: Getting More Tale
#336: Garage Sales

I used to love garage sales and yard sales as a kid; both going to them and having them.  As a buyer, you never know what cool things you will find at a garage sale, from books to gadgets to movies.  As a seller, it’s a quick way to de-clutter your house and liquidate junk that’s sitting around.  In our last few garage sales, I made several hundred dollars and cleaned out a ton of space.

It’s a lot of work, packing up the stuff and getting it organized, priced and displayed.  Making and putting up the signs.  Creating online ads.  Opening for business.  But you’re not here to read about the tedious aspects.  You’re here for the stories.

Some of the most irritating people on this Earth are the early-morning hard-core garage salers.  They scour the newspaper ads each week and want to be first to arrive.  Since I live in a condo, the last bunch of garage sales we’ve held were at my parents’ house.  I would drive over early on the Saturday morning to open up for business.  I’d arrive around 6 or 6:30, in order to open up at 7, our advertised time.

I remember driving over on that lovely summer morning, still dark outside, and seeing a dude sitting in his car on the side of the street.  “He can’t be here for the sale,” I said to myself.  “I advertised that it starts at 7:00.”   But I had underestimated the tenacity of serious hard core garage salers.  I parked, opened the garage door, and began moving things out onto the driveway.

Next thing you know, I notice a guy in the dark garage behind me!

“Where are your Star Wars things?” he asked.

I said, “I’m not even close to being ready.  They’re here in boxes somewhere but I have to dig everything out.”

“Do you have the vintage ones from the 70’s?”

I laughed.  “No.  I would never sell that stuff at a garage sale!”


I laughed just like this.

Without a word the guy left and drove off to the next sale.  Over the next 30 minutes, while I was setting up, cars would drive by, slow down to look at what I had, and drive off.  If they didn’t see what they were looking for (presumably big items like bikes and appliances) they kept going.

Typically at a garage sale, you don’t make any money for the first hour.  The first hour is only serious salers who are looking for those specific items.  They ask what you have and leave.  After that things begin to pick up.  Most people are pretty nice.  As the day goes on, friends and neighbors drop by, but it’s the cheapskates that drive me nuts.

A garage sale is a place where you can buy things dirt-cheap, but even so, I have my limits.  The guy that pissed me off the most at the last one was a douchebag in a big black pickup truck.  (Why do the douchebags always seem to drive big black pickup trucks?)  I had about a dozen DVDs and a couple Blu-rays out for sale.  The prices on them were pretty reasonable: I had the Blu out for $4 and none of the DVDs were over $3.  And that’s just the stickered prices, I was always willing to make deals with people who bought more than one.  Within reason.

The pickup truck douchebag grabbed all my movies and said simply to me, “50 cents each?”

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I said, “No, I can’t go that low.  If you take them all you can have ‘em for $2 each.”

He laughed, “$2 each?  Are you nuts?”  Laughed again.  “You’re not going to get $2 each for these.”

“I already have,” I said.  “I’ve sold a few already.”

He chuckled again and said, “You’re not going to sell these for $2 each.  50 cents and I’ll take them all.”

“No thanks,” I responded.  “I’d rather sell them separately at full price.”

He began walking away.  “Good luck buddy, you’re not going to sell any of those movies.”

Again I laughed.  “I already have!”

Then he said to me, “You know, that place [name deleted] will only give you 50 cents each for movies.”

The funny thing is the place he mentioned was the Record Store in which I used to work!  And they were not giving 50 cents each for movies at the time.  I had worked there long enough, and sold enough stuff since, that I knew he was full of shit.

I told him who I was, and called bullshit.  He drove off.

I admit I was pretty steamed up.  But the guy was a total dillhole.  Just the kind of garage saler that everybody hates.  Like I would have given him the movies with that kind of attitude!

An hour or two later, he drove back!

“Hey buddy!” he shouted from the window of his truck.  “How much for your movies?”

“Same as before,” I responded.  “$2 each.”

He said something rude and drove off.  I responded with something rude and was promptly scolded by my mother!

“He was a dickweed, mom,” I reasoned.  He then drove to my sister’s place, who had a garage sale going at the same time, and bought one of her movies for $2 without a single complaint!

I sold all but three of my movies at that sale and raked in a few hundred bucks.  I was happy and I just gave the remaining movies away to friends.  Although I may still have my copy of Reefer Madness that nobody wants.

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After the garage sale, my parents went on vacation for a week.  While they were away, one of the items we sold at the garage sale turned up sitting on my parents’ front porch, with a note attached.

Somebody had bought a VCR at the garage sale, and a few movies to go with it.  Everything worked.  The VCR was missing its power cable, but that was all.  I have lots of spare power cables around the house, and they’re easy enough to find, so I figured that was not an issue.

Well, some dumb lady “returned” the VCR ($5) and left it, with the movies, on my parents’ porch saying she wanted her money back because it “didn’t work”.

You sure can’t fix stupid.

Fortunately when my folks returned from vacation they settled the VCR issue.  The lady came back; she was from the neighborhood, and my parents gave her the money back without incident.

Still, I wondered to myself, “Who the hell tries to return something they bought at a garage sale?”  Weird.

That was the last sale we had.  Though I am sure we will have more, they certainly are not as much fun as they were when I was a kid!

WE’RE BACK: Toronto Record Store Excursion 2014 success!

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Aaron and I have returned safely from Toronto, with treasures in hand! He has posted to the KMA a non-spoiler update regarding the trip. We both did very well. As a “Taranna First” I was providing live photographic updates of the trip via social media.

As I did on the previous two trips, I took plenty of photos and video with the intent of creating another great trip video! With that in mind, we don’t want to spoil too much about our adventure, so this is just a brief preview. Of note, Aaron bore gifts, and one of them is a book that I am just as happy to get as I am some of my musical finds. Aaron also helped add to my 6″ Stormtrooper army!

The sad news: Even though I was quite confident that we would find at least one item from somebody’s KMA Holy Grail list, we did not. I was sure that we would at least be able to find one of Sarca’s, such as the Ray Lyell CD. I was surprised that we didn’t. I might have an easier time finding it locally.

Having said that: I encourage you to check out the KMA Grail list and add your own long-sought albums to it.  Though we did not have luck with it this time, we did look hard.  The more people who participate in the Holy Grail list, the better, so as my buddy Aaron would say GIVE’R!

Enjoy the photo gallery, and if you missed the videos from the 2012 and 2013 trips, you can check those out below.

LeBrain (who, I am glad to say, did not fart once in Aaron’s car this time.)

First time owning this album!
Neat gifts! Keepers!
6″ Black Series Stormtrooper
Rutles
Kensington
A
ML
1 box and 4 bags of treasure!

2013: PART 1

2013: PART 2

2012:

Gallery: Other Stuff I Collect That Isn’t Music

I collect toys.  Lots of toys.

DVD REVIEW: Fanboys (2009)

FANBOYS_0001FANBOYS (2009)
Directed by Kyle Newman

For what seemed like years, we waited…and waited…and waited…for what seemed like it could be the funniest movie ever made. Details trickled out. The trailer came long before the movie. And then when the movie itself finally arrived, that terribly familiar thud of disappointment sank in.

There are so many movies that do what Fanboys does, but so much better. Free Enterprise is a good example. Paul is another. It’s unfortunate that with a decent cast and great spoof material, they could not do better. At least the movie studio didn’t excise the cancer storyline as they wanted to, but what disappointed me was that the movie didn’t live up to the hype — cancer or no cancer, it’s weak.

Funny bits: I liked the Rush references, but they were done better in I Love You Man. I liked the Shatner cameo, but I liked it better in Free Enterprise. I liked Billy Dee Williams as “Judge Reinhold”, but come on…that Reinhold joke has been used twice before, on Arrested Development and Clerks: The Animated Series! I liked the Seth Rogen cameo(s), especially as the hapless Star Wars fan who thinks he’ll be the coolest guy ever by getting a full back tattoo of Jar Jar Binks. That was funny! Also cool was Ethan Suplee as Harry Knowles (Ain’t It Cool News).

Your story (such as it is): It is 1998. Linus has terminal cancer. He will not live long enough to see Episode I: The Phantom Menace, which he and his three friends have dreamed about since childhood. The plan: break into Skywalker Ranch, and steal it. Brilliant setup.

This sets into motion your typical road trip movie. Sidetracks into the desert, biker bars, being forced to strip, peyote…I’ve seen this all before: Beavis and Butthead and Detroit Rock City anyone? Take your favourite modern road trip movie and superimpose it over Fanboys. They are the same.

The movie ends with one funny but ominous line: “What if the movie sucks?” And it did, and after waiting this long, Fanboys didn’t fare much better.

2/5 stars

Sam Huntington … Eric
Chris Marquette … Linus
Dan Fogler … Hutch
Jay Baruchel … Windows
Kristen Bell … Zoe

Part 270: Star Trek vs. Star Wars

Dedicated to David “Homer”

KIRK VADER

RECORD STORE TALES Part 270:  Star Trek vs. Star Wars

I took my fair share of ribbing for being a Star Trek fan at the record store.  I’ve been a Star Trek fan since I was a little kid – I had a kid’s size Scotty uniform shirt.  The first episode I can remember seeing was Operation: Annihilate!  It terrified and excited me at the same time, and I couldn’t believe the heroism of Mr. Spock.  He was my favourite character by far.  Kirk was always getting distracted by girls.

ART OFI witnessed some amazing moments in Trek-history during my time at the store (1994-2006).  Generations came out a few months after I started, and I remember watching a City TV Generations special on the little screen in our store one night.  It was a quiet evening in the mall and there was nothing to do but clean.  The TV was usually on Much, so I switched it to the Trek special.    That was a fun night for me.

Shortly after that, Voyager debuted and I raced home from work to catch the pilot episode which I was recording.  I missed the first 20 minutes and in the pre-PVR days you couldn’t just rewind and watch a show that you were recording “live”.  Yes, it was an exciting time to be a Trekkie.  My co-workers teased me about it, but Christmas ’95 my boss bought me a thoughtful Art of Star Trek book that I still have.  That was pretty cool of him.  He knew nothing about Trek but he picked a cool book with a Generations special in the back.  He was relieved that I liked it.

As a Trekkie (I dislike the term “Trekker”), I’ll be the first to admit that it’s a pretty hit-and-miss affair, being a fan.  For every great movie like First Contact, there was a shite movie like Nemesis.  By the late 90’s, being a Trek fan was a lot less exciting.  Especially when George Lucas started cranking up the Star Wars machine again with the Special Editions, in theaters.

The last time that I was really excited about Star Trek (before the recent reboot) was Star Trek: Insurrection. On December  11, 1998 I was working the night shift with a new guy, a class act named Dave “Homer”.   It was a Friday night, and the new guy said that he and his roommate were going to catch the new Trek movie on opening night.  Was I interested in joining them?  Of course I was.

INSURRECTIONIn addition to Dec 11 being opening night for Star Trek: Insurrection (joke name – Star Trek: Big Erection), it was also opening night for the brand new movie theater in town.  Then known as Silver City, it’s now called Gateway Cineplex 10.  Added bonus:  Silver City was a mere hop-skip-and-jump away from the record store.  If we cashed out quickly, we would have absolutely no problem catching the late show and still have time to get drinks, corn and a bar.

Homer was somewhat new in town and  didn’t know the way.  I did, so I led the car convoy.  We were pleased to see that it wasn’t too busy at all.  His buddy Ollie (who briefly worked for us later on) joined us, and we got our seats.  Silver City was the latest, most modern theater.  The stadium seating was awesome, we never had anything like this in town before.  I couldn’t imagine a better setting for a new Star Trek movie!

Oh, it got better.

I always enjoy the previews.  First up was a cool looking movie called Rushmore.  Not having a clue what we were seeing, it looked interesting and Homer and I made mental notes.  (Long story short – I love Rushmore.)

Second trailer though…

STAR WARS.

Yes, the Star Wars Episode I trailer had fans buzzing.  You have to remember that nobody had a clue yet what a useless piece of shit Young Anakin would be.  (I feel bad for the actor Jake Lloyd, nobody could have played that fucking character.) We didn’t expect Jar Jar to be even worse than the worst Ewok, with so much screen time.  None of these flaws could be discerned from that first trailer, which was a collage of pure bad-assery and cool imagery.  What were those beasts emerging from the fog?  What planet is this?  Holy shit Tattooine.  What’s that silver ship? Why did C3P0 have no coverings?  And who the fuck is that evil looking dude with the double lightsaber?!

I’d seen a choppy, small version of the trailer online.  To see it on the big screen, in surround sound, in front of a new Star Trek movie?  My mind was blown before the opening credits!

It was hard for a whole Star Trek movie to top that one trailer for Star Wars.  I think for us it was pretty equal – we left enthused about both.  Insurrection was good, but we all felt that it was much like an “extended episode”.  It wasn’t bad, it was certainly better than 1994’s Generations, but it lacked the weight of 1996’s First Contact.  As Trekkies, we were satisfied and excited to see where the franchise would go next.  As a money paying audience, we knew the movie was simply not up to the high bar set by First Contact.  As long as it didn’t get worse from there…

It got worse from there.  We had no idea that Paramount would flush it all down the shitter with Star Trek: Nemesis (2001).  Just as we had no idea that George Lucas had a massive clusterfuck of sewer sauce in the pipeline for Star Wars Episode I.  Instead, we choose to focus on the rush of that evening, the excitement of the experience.  In fact it is best summed up by Mr. Spock himself:

“After a time, you may find that having is not so pleasing a thing,
after all, as wanting. It is not logical, but it is often true.”

– Mr. Spock, Star Trek, Amok Time

Every Star Wars DVD or Blur-ray that I own.

Every Star Wars DVD or Blu-ray that I own.

Blu-ray REVIEW: Machete Kills (2013)

NEW RELEASE

“Oh my goodness.  That lady just shot blades out of her boobs.” – Mrs. LeBrain’s Mom

MACHETE KILLS_0003MACHETE KILLS (2013 Aldamisa)
Directed by Robert Rodriguez

Machete Kills is the sequel to Robert Rodriguez’ Machete (2010), starring 69 year old cult hero Danny Trejo.  Minor spoiler alert:  It begins with an over the top preview trailer for the third Machete movie, guest starring “Justin Bieber” as “Bleep”.  (Guess what happens to “Bleep”!)*  Hold on to your hats.

For Machete Kills, I decided to co-review it with special guest, Mrs. LeBrain’s Mom.  I enjoy subjecting Mrs. LeBrain’s Mom to movies now and then.  Sometimes she likes them:  Paul (2011) was her favourite of my selections.  Jackass 3D (2010) was definitely her least favourite.

Machete Kills sort of has a plot:  The US military is selling weapons to the cartel.  Another mysterious faction with black Venom-like masks are also after the weapons.    The masked leader of this group gives Machete something terrible to avenge.  Then, the President of the United States of America (Carlos Estevez/Charlie Sheen) makes him offer he can’t refuse, and he is soon back in Mexico fighting a one-man war.  But he is not completely on his own, as undercover agent Miss San Antonio (Amber Heard) has plenty of gadgets that go boom.  His target: Marcos Mendez, the head of the cartel with a nuke aimed at Washington.

Add in a master of disguise after a $20M bounty, a Star Wars-obsessed evil genius, Sofía Vergara’s machine gun boobs, a madman with multiple personalities and a load of evil clones, and we’re in for a good time.

The story as such serves simply to introduce the complex of characters.  Machete is less a film and more a series of action sequences separated by dialogue explaining what’s happening.  As the movie goes on, many interested parties emerge (all played by big name actors or Rodriguez regulars).  There are so many back-stabs and switcheroos that we are well past incredulity and into outlandish.  Machete is a perfect mix of camp and violence.  Although the movie seems built to support the large cast, the actors in turn are all pros clearly having a good time.  I liked them all…all but Amber Heard.  Something about her, so wooden.

I made three minor observations. 1) It’s convenient that the bad guys only attack Machete one at a time.  2) It’s also a good thing for Machete that none of the generic bad guys can aim. 3) The female characters in the movie might want to put on some pants next time they go into combat.

As for my co-reviewer, Mrs. LeBrain’s Mom didn’t like when Machete’s girlfriend Sartana (Jessica Alba) gets shot in the head.  “She was a pretty girl,” she says.  “She shouldn’t have been shot.”  She also didn’t like seeing Marko Zaror getting sucked into helicopter blades by his intestines.  Mrs. LeBrain’s Mom had a few choice words for Lady Gaga, which she asked me to edit out so to avoid the wrath of her Little Monsters.  She did not enjoy the number of heads that got removed from their bodies (at least a dozen), but I did see her laugh at several points.  She largely enjoyed the cast, particularly Mel Gibson.  Upon seeing Carlos Estevez, she shrieked “He’s the President?  Oh my God!”  She did not enjoy the foul language, particularly when out of the mouths of the young female characters.

4/5 stars – LeBrain

A “solid” 3/5 stars – Mrs. LeBrain’s Mom  (“It was really kind of…strange.”)

* actors subject to change

MOVIE REVIEW: The Last Starfighter (25th anniversary edition blu-ray)

Dedicated to Zachary Britton
LAST STARFIGHTER BLU_0001THE LAST STARFIGHTER directed by Nick Castle (1984 Universal, 25th anniversary edition)

Hot on the heels of the then-defunct Star Wars franchise came The Last Starfighter. There had been other copycat films before, but few were as well done as The Last Starfighter. The theme that they both have in common was the young boy, stuck in the middle of nowhere, aching to get away and make something of himself. The Last Starfighter wore its themes on its sleeve. Like Otis says in the opening scenes, “When life gives you a chance, you gotta grab on with both hands and hang on tight!”

I recently re-watched my old DVD and was shocked to see how bad that 1998 release looked. Certain frames had sections that were washed out, I could see a hair on the film, and there were plenty of scratches that begged for digital restoration. I immediately went out and bought the blu-ray. Suddenly, everything was crisp and clear in glorious 1080p hi-def. All the defects I noticed before had been cleaned up. The film looks great!

Alex Rogan (Lance Guest) is your average American teen living somewhere in the southern states (Arizona? New Mexico?) in a trailer park. His application for a loan has been rejected and it looks like he’s going to be stuck going to city college with the locals. His dream of finally getting out has been quashed. However, Alex has a talent — more accurately, “the gift” — to be a Starfighter. Only he doesn’t know it yet. All he knows is that he just scored 1,000,000 points on a video game console called “Starfighter”.  Small triumph, sure, but more important than he knows.

Light years away, the peaceful planet of Rylos is about to be decimated by the traitor Xur, who has declared himself Emperor (Hmmm…Star Wars?).  Xur brings with him his allies, the deadly Kodan armada. Rylos’ best hope are the Starfighters: an elite group of fighters who have mastered the difficult gunnery station aboard the immensely powerful “Gunstar”  fighter ships. A heavily armed beast of a spacecraft, a Gunstar is manned by a crew of two: a pilot and a gunner.  And that video game, back in the trailer park, on Earth?  That was more than just a video a game. It was simulator, planted there by the alien recruiter Centauri (Robert Preston in his final role).  It was designed and built specifically to find someone with “the gift” to be a Starfighter.

In short order, Centauri appears, as a 70-ish year old human in a (then!) futuristic car. He whisks Alex away, across the lightyears to Rylos where the whole situation is explained to him.  One slight problem though:  Alex doesn’t want to be a Starfighter. It’s not his war, and he doesn’t want to die for a planet he didn’t know existed, so far from home.

Will Alex remember old Otis’ advice? Will he grab hold of this chance with both hands, and hold on tight?

What made The Last Starfighter fun was that it had a dual plot. While Alex has been swept away to the stars, he has been replaced back home with a “Beta unit” that looks exactly like him. It’s a robot, also played by Lance Guest, but his “fish out of water” scenes return the movie to comedic moments.  These scenes help ground the movie and keep it relate-able.  A lot of the humour comes from Beta trying to understand Alex’s girlfriend Maggie (Mary Catherine Stewart). But it’s not all fun and games for Beta. Emperor Xur thinks he has destroyed all the Starfighters, but he learns that there might be a last Starfighter, a human, alive on Earth….

Comedy, lasers and action! Cool looking aliens! All that fascinating early CG animation!  These all make The Last Starfighter a blast for me to revisit. Although today it looks horribly dated, it is easy to overlook the primitive CG and just get into the story and characters. The only way this movie could work, then and now, is suspending your disbelief and getting into the characters. Thankfully, some great performances from the lead cast make that easy to do.  In particular, Robert Preston and Dan O’Herlihy as the reptilian alien pilot Grig are standouts.

Blu-ray bonus features are excellent. The original documentary from the old DVD version is included, as well as a brand new one in 1080i hi-def. Both Lance Guest and Mary Catherine Stewart appear and provide fascinating insight. As a kid, I always suspected that the “Beta” version of Guest was wearing a wig, as the hair never looked right. Guest confirms this: Many of the Beta scenes were added as an afterthought, and he had already cut his hair short. Stewart is good humoured about her awful Michael Bay moment in the film (“I love you Alex Rogan”).

The Last Starfighter, while appearing dated, is still the same old timeless story it always has been.  Recommended for anyone born before Jurassic Park came out.

5/5 stars

  • Lance Guest as Alex Rogan / Beta Alex
  • Dan O’Herlihy as Grig
  • Catherine Mary Stewart as Maggie Gordon
  • Norman Snow as Xur
  • Robert Preston as Centauri

Gallery: Christmas Comes Early

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The “A” is for Aaron!  Thanks man!  This parcel wasn’t a total surprise but the contents inside sure were!  I’m really excited about many of these items.  (The Olivia Munn film looks great…)  I’m so overwhelmed I don’t even know where to begin.

Ahh hell.  Yes I do.  Let’s start with Pearl Jam!

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