Happy Anniversary to my beautiful soul mate Jennifer. Every day gets better and better, and you look younger and younger! I don’t know how you do it. Meanwhile I’ve turned into a grey-bearded old man with a bad back and lactose intolerance, and you still keep me around! Must be love. It’s the only possibly explanation why you live in a house full of Transformers, CDs, and records.
The last six years have been the happiest of my life. Thank you for being the puzzle piece that was missing all that time.
Love you, sweetie. Here’s one of the songs we danced to six years ago, on the best day of my life.
Welcome to a new feature at mikeladano.com! A spin-off from the popular WTF Search Terms, I now present to you WTF Comments. These are real unpublished comments that were left for me, for whatever reasons.
First, we have “Tony Tony” (leaving me to wonder where Toni and Toné were) from Obregon, Mexico. Tony Tony apparently did not like my comments about the 1998 movie turd Godzilla:
tony tony aahh1985@xxxxxxx.com: ad that’s because you all haters are A BUNCH OF FAGS COMPLAINING… HAHAHA what an asshole hehehe… the movie was great… and the soundtrack kicked your asses out…
Thanks Tony. That doesn’t really need any additional commentary from me.
Then we have Max, from Russia. In the past I’ve been clear that I will not share my music. Max asked me to email him a copy of my “Get Your Hands Off My Woman…Again” mp3 single, by The Darkness. As is my general policy, I deleted the comment. A few days later, Max returned with this one:
max fedjudas@xxxx.xx: I got this version, checkmate!
I didn’t realize it was a competition, but good on you.
This comment was sent to me on Facebook. This person posted a comment using a word in a negative connotation that I personally dislike: “retarded”. I replied that it was now 2013 and saying that word in that context is no longer cool. If it ever really was cool. Several people agreed with me, but then I got a private message from this person, Mike F. Private presumably because he didn’t want to be publicly scolded by somebody else for using the word again. This is what he needed to get off his chest:
Mike F*****: Retarded is retarded… Remember the meaning of it? Stupid… Dumb… Ya know… Retarded. 2013 and all its political correctness can kiss my fuckin asshole!
Dear Mike: Welcome to my “block” list! Population: you.
Finally, we have the 164 comments that made up what I called the Neue Regel Saga. I don’t blame you if you do not have the appetite to wade through that nonsense, but here it is, staggering in its absurdity. The first time I had to close comments down!
Thankfully these flavourful comments are few here. If you enjoyed this, and if I receive any more comments that make me “WTF?” then I promise to post them in the future!
It was with great excitement and anticipation that I hit ‘play’ on my brand new mp3 copy of “The Horn”, a new single from The Darkness. Like much of the preceding album Hot Cakes, this is a dirty little number about (surprise) sex!
I would like to take this opportunity, to mention the fact that while some of the acts that I may have described in this song appear to be degrading, they were in fact consensual. — Justin Hawkins
I won’t share the details, except to say that the words “my pale buttocks” are uttered.
Musically, “The Horn” is heavy as…well, not quite as heavy as lead. Platinum perhaps? It has a merciless guitar riff, bloodthirsty drums, and a hefty groove. Sonically speaking, “The Horn” strikes me as one of the heaviest Darkness songs. The guitars have some chunkiness to them, and the direction seems simple enough: let’s rock out! With Justin’s particular brand of lead vocal, there’s no mistaking this band for anyone else.
I would like to take this opportunity to mention that fact that Justin is still singing as great as ever. He has a knack for some utterly odd vocals, but at the same time, he makes them awesome. Acrobatic, never too serious, but always fascinating to listen to. By the end of this song, I’m picturing a coop full of chickens singing in harmony.
This bodes well for a new Darkness album. Not only are they quickly out of the gates with new material, but it’s really good material. Without a doubt, I like “The Horn” better than many of the songs on Hot Cakes. And I liked Hot Cakes a lot.
5/5 stars
There was a vinyl 7″ single, but only 500 copies. There’s also a new Darkness demo out there, a ballad called “Second Fiddle” . This song boasts multiple vocalists and an uber-catchy chorus: “We are the Hawkins Brothers / And I am Frankie Poullaine / We are the Hawkins Brothers / And this is Eddie Graham.” Solid!
THE DARKNESS – “Girlfriend” (2005 Warner 10″ star-shaped picture disc)
I fuckin’ love this song. It’s not in any way typical of the music I normally like. Maybe it’s the expertly arranged backing orchestra. Maybe it’s Justin Hawkins’ ever more ridiculous falsetto. Maybe it’s the key-tar solo. Maybe it’s the sheer joie de vivre of the thing. Whatever it is, I heartily endorse the album version of this fun, frivolous tribute to the 1980’s.
There were (I think?) four remixes of this single done, and this 10″ contains two of them. Usually I’m well on record for disliking remixes, and the “Space Cowboy Hard & Fast Remix” is a good example of why. It’s repetitive, and congested with noise, burying the killer hooks of the song. One of the only things I like about the remix is that it brings out Richie Edwards’ bass a lot more, helping to humanize its robotic nature. There’s also a moment at about the 4 minute mark with the orchestra section isolated, and I like that.
The better remix is “The Freelance Hellraiser ‘Screaming Jay Hawkins’ Remix”, whatever the hell that means. This one featurings a backwards vocal hook, and all the familiar elements rearranged, creating what essentially sounds like an original song. This one delivers plenty of catchy bits here and there, familiar but presented in new surroundings. This is what I would call a great remix.
What’s the score, then? Well, mathematically, this one works out to:
HOT LEG – Red Light Fever (2009 Barbecue Rock Records)
It was a dark time for rock and roll. The Darkness had split into two factions: The Stone Gods, and Justin Hawkins’ Hot Leg. The Gods were out of the gates with their album first in 2008, while Justin followed in 2009 with Red Light Fever. Bizarrely, he credits himself as Justin “Dave” Hawkins in Hot Leg.
The Stone Gods made an excellent album, concentrating on rock and metal sounds. Justin, on the other hand, has synthesized everything he does into one gestalt on Red Light Fever. There are still those cherished AC/DC-like moments that you may remember from Permission To Land (Hawkins even uses the lyric “permission to land” on one song) mixed with those operatic high vocals, taken to new levels of absurdity (“Chickens”). This is mixed with the polished Queen-like moments from the second Darkness album, One Way Ticket…, and the 80’s “keytar” sounds of his solo project British Whale. The result is, quite frankly, an album only Darkness fans will like.
I am a Darkness fan, and I do like it. The album kicks off with the aforementioned “Chickens”, which at first tricks you into thinking Hawkins has gone back to basics. Then the operatic chorus in full falsetto hits, and you realize that Hawkins is just as outrageous as ever.
“You Can’t Hurt Me Anymore”, the second track, reminds you that Hawkins is still one hell of a guitar player. Coming up right down the middle between Thin Lizzy and Brian May harmonies, it is Justin’s guitar work that keeps this band most anchored in rock. The aptly titled “Trojan Guitar” is a cool workout, multi-faceted and complex.
By the time you get to the single, “Cocktails”, you will wonder just how Hawkins crammed so many notes into a word with just two syllables. Many will find this to be simply too much, like coffee with too much sweetener, or a cake with nothing but icing. It’s a great song, with that Def Darkness vibe that I like so much, but the chorus is ridiculous!
“Gay in the 80s” is the most British Whale of the tracks, keytar up front and in your face, and Justin’s lyrics embracing the kitsch of that decade. Not a track for insecure rockers by any stretch. Yet “Whichever Way You Wanna Give It” is the most reminiscent of early Darkness. It has that “I Believe In A Thing Called Love” vibe, with a chorus straight out of One Way Ticket…, and some solid guitar riffs with ample space between the power chords.
The album ends a mere 35 minutes after it began, which some will find absolutely offensive after spending close to $30 (Canadian) on this import. However, if you wanted more, the band used to offer a vintage-Darkness sounding bonus track called “Take Take Take” on their website for free. Unfortunately with the band now defunct, the song has been taken down. Another free song, a bouncy upbeat number called “Heroes”, was available for a limited time only.
According to the inside notes, the album is to be filed under “Man-Rock”.
“Knowledge of non-knowledge is power. “ – Dean Murdoch
FUBAR II (2010 Alliance, directed by Michael Dowse)
Most sequels aren’t worth owning. Fubar II is. Plus, it comes with a bonus disc: Fubar, the original complete film. This was a total surprise to me. I had no idea it was going to be in there. I’m a little bummed that I bought the original film on blu shortly before this. I gifted it to my buddy Cliff at work who also adores the exploits of Terry and Deaner.
Synopsis: 5 years after surgery, Deaner is celebrating these years of good health. Even though an eviction is looming, he and Terry have no real worries. During a drunken house-trashing party, Tron tells them they have jobs waiting in Fort McMurray. Terry and Dean pack up their meager belongings and head to work in the oilsands.
As with the first Fubar, tragedy must eventually strike. Terry and Dean come to blows over a girl, Trish, who Terry has moved in with. Dean gets some bad news, and Terry gets even more unexpected news from Trish. For a while, Fubar II becomes much darker than the first film.
Unbelievably, a stroke of scripting genius turns Dean’s tragedy into triumph. This ending was as satisfactory as it gets. I ended Fubar II with a huge smile on my face. This sequel does something very unusual: it is funnier than the original, it has more emotion than the original, yet it doesn’t copy it. I have to say this is one of the best sequels I’ve seen.
The footage of the oilsands is really cool. It looks like a cross between Vegas and the Mustafar system – a whole other planet. One thing about this movie, you can tell it had a budget this time, compared to the original. There are some really nice looking shots, and the movie itself looks great. The graininess has been replaced by slick production. The documentary style has been mostly dropped in favour of more traditional storytelling, although a few interview segments are scattered within.
For music geeks, Justin Hawkins of The Darkness has a vocal cameo near the end. You’ll know it when you hear it! The movie also features excellent tunage by Ronnie James Dio & Black Sabbath, The Gun, and Dean’s own classic “Whale Hunter”.
I mentioned the bonus disc with the entire original film, bonus features intact. Other special bonuses in this set include a ton of deleted scenes. While some were overly long and you can seen why they were edited or pared down, others add to the story and comedy. There were several regarding Dean’s illness that might have worked well in the movie. One, “Mixing Meats,” was a shorty that just had me howling. Also, like the original film, this one comes with a commentary from Michael Dowse and others. Better though will be the in-character commentary by Terry and Dean. This was a real treat on the original film, and I’m sure this one will be too. I’ll have to check that out on next viewing.
THE DARKNESS – “Get Your Hands Off My Woman…Again” (2004 Atlantic mp3 single)
After the surprise hit Permission To Land (which was essentially just a released demo) The Darkness were determined to make a better sounding second album. At first it was announced they were going to be working with one Mutt Lange; that didn’t pan out. Up next was Roy Thomas Baker, of Queen fame.
Their first released collaboration was a re-recording of “Get Your Hands Off My Woman” re-titled “Get Your Hands Off My Woman…Again”. It differs only slightly from the original. Better sounding bass, better sounding drums, but almost identical otherwise. There are only two moments were the song deviates from the original: a 5 second piano break at 1:54, and a different, more abrupt ending.
This was released November 8 2004, for one month only, for 99p on the official Darkness site. Since then I understand it’s been very difficult to find online. I like when bands release stuff like this, even though for most people it’s fairly redundant. A lot of bands test the waters by re-recording older material, Axl’s done that and so have others. When they make it available for almost nothing for a limited time, sure, I’ll bite. It’s a kind of immediate release that didn’t exist 20 years ago.
Not to mention that this is just one of the Darkness’ best songs, ever. Gratuitous language, hot riffs, screeching high vocals, ripping solos, and hooks for miles. I was sold on the original song on first listen. As for this re-recorded update, I like the better quality sound, but I don’t like the piano break or the ending. Great tune, great sonics thanks to RTB, but I’ll stick with the original!
3.5/5 stars
Since you can’t take a picture of a non-physical product, here’s the CD single that I burned!
So here we are, the tail end of 2012. While I’m sure you’re just starting to get your drink on, we here at LeBrain’s Blog are tirelessly bringing you the rock even into the wee final hours. This is the time, traditionally, when we look at the past year!
We used to do Top Five of the Year lists at the record store, when we used to have our newsletter. Unfortunately I don’t have copies of any of those newsletters, not a one, which is a real shame since I poured my heart and soul into them as much as anybody else at the store. It would have been fun to look back 15 years and see what my top five of 1997 was. I do know for certain two albums that were on it: Accident of Birth by Bruce Dickinson, and The Colour and the Shape by Foo Fighters! The rest have been lost to the dusts of time.
Hey, if any of you guys are still speaking to me and have copies of the newsletter, lemme know eh? ;)
Back to the present for a moment:
What can I say about 2012? Before I even thought about doing my own blog, events were in motion that pushed me in that direction. My good buddy Craig Fee invited me down to 107.5 Dave FM for an entire week — Stump LeBrain Week! I spent a week on the air, with listeners trying to stump me. There were even a couple LeBrain Weeks and an entire month of LeBrainuary, where every single day’s 4 O’clock 4 Play quizzes were mined from my own brain’s knowledge. It was a blast, and left me hungry for more.
I’d always been writing Record Store Tales. The oldest ones were at least a decade old on my hard drive, but I had no idea what to do with them. I’d also been writing reviews — well over 800 of them on file before I launched — that very few people had seen. Craig said to me, “LeBrain, you need to get blogging this stuff. Write something every day. If you build it, they will come.”
So that’s what I did, and I thank you for reading.
Back to the Record Store Tales:
I published Part 1 on March 9 2012, the beginning of the story, called Run to the Hills. It was about the very first time I heard Iron Maiden, a date I’ll never forget. And thus LeBrain’s Blog and Record Store Tales were launched.
Some highlights from the early months that you may have missed if you’re fairly new here:
You know this was gonna happen. Aside from the fact that I’m the biggest Kiss fan around, it’s a fucking great record. Read LeBrain’s review of Monster here.
Runner up: Jethro Tull’s Ian Anderson – TAAB2 Thick As A Brick 2.
THE DARKNESS – Hot Cakes (Deluxe edition with 4 bonus tracks, 2012 Canary Dwarf Ltd.)
The Darkness are probably the band that came out in the last decade that I truly love most. Something about this band just makes me feel GOOD. They always have. I love this band, much to the consternation of some of the people I used to work for at the record store! I love this band, so I worked their music into our wedding reception, and played a shitload of air guitar to it! I just love this band.
I loved the Stone Gods too. But this is the original Darkness: Dan, Justin, Ed and Frankie.
At first I was kind of “blah” to the idea of an original lineup reunion. I liked Richie Edwards just fine too. But Frankie co-writes a number of these tracks, and he has a great stage presence. As for Ed, his trademark drum fills might not be Neil Peart material but he has his own identifiable sound, and his fills are always dead-on perfect for what the songs need. Play air drums to The Darkness some time, you’ll see what I mean!
To get to the point, though: Hot Cakes? It’s magically delicious!
If you didn’t like their second album, the arguably over-elaborate One Way Ticket, then you’ll be happy with Hot Cakes. They’ve brought things back to the basics of guitars, bass, and drums with only the odd embellishment along the way.
But the lyrics are certainly not toned down!
Every man, woman and chile wants to…
SUCK MY COCK!!!!!
Justin’s lost nothing. He’s still bonkshit!* Except maybe just a hint (just a hint!) of his high voice. Or maybe it’s just the production that make it seem that way. It might even be my imagination. So who cares? And to sing and play lead guitar and run around like Steven Tyler? That can’t be easy either!
The majority of songs here are great, and would make my road tape. Much like the first and second albums, there are songs that I keep coming back to over and over again. You become attached to certain hooks in them and then suddenly, BAM! The song is stuck in your head! Examples of this:
“Nothing’s Gonna Stop Us” – Great fast catchy Darkness single, with one of their classic sounding choruses.
“With A Woman” – Simple, basic AC/DC rocker but with Justin’s flare and yet another catchy chorus.
“Everybody Have A Good Time” – “Come on people, tell me how you feel. You want a good time? Well you got yourself a deal!” Along the blueprints of the feel-good tunes from the first album.
“She Just A Girl, Eddie” – Tied for best song on the album. This is the one I can play 10 times in a row and still hit repeat (usually in the car). As for the lyrics? “There are four billion other girls, who want to make love to you.” Eddie can’t argue with that math. And speaking of Eddie, Ed’s drum fills are what I was talking about earlier — simple, powerful, perfect.
“Concrete” – Solid, riff-based song with great high Justin vocal. Catchy as hell.
“Street Spirit (Fade Out)” – Holy. Shit.
On the negatives: The album somewhat follows the blueprint of the first one. For example a ballad, “Living Each Day Blind” falls on track #5, the same place that the similar sounding “Love Is Only A Feeling” was on Permission To Land. At times it gets predictable, but thankfully the song quality back it up.
I paid a fair chunk of money to have the deluxe edition shipped here from Amazon.co.uk. I’m glad to say it: These four extra songs are worth it!
There are two acoustic demos: The campfire-like “I Can’t Believe It’s Not Love”, a song as good as any on the album proper. Then there’s a demo version of the album song “Love Is Not the Answer”, which is better than the album version. The album version seemed very much the answer to “Holding My Own” from album #1. The acoustic version loses that soundalike aspect, and exposes bare Justin’s vocal prowess.
Then there’s “Pat Pong Ladies”. No idea what this one is about since it’s not included in the lyric sheet. This one has a more layered and operatic vibe, more akin to album #2. Having said that, it’s a great tune, better than some of the album tracks. It gets positively Queen at times.
Lastly, “Cannonball (Long Version)”. As my fellow rock enthusiast, Heavy Metal Overload asked, “Where’s the short version?” Maybe Ian Anderson knows. He plays that flute part. Of course! But this isn’t a ballad, or even a Tull-like rocker. No, this is The Darkness sounding like themselves (circa album #2 with some boogie piano underneath and layered screams)!
I’m so glad this band is back. I hope to catch them live. I hope Lady Gaga’s audience is into them…now there’s an odd pairing!
I had one really, really awful summer at the store. My full-time backup had quit, and head office made the decision not to hire a replacement until the Christmas gear-up season. Instead, they decided to spread out the part-timers to cover the hours. They were always eager for hours, but not necessarily weekend hours!
I was required to work two Saturdays a month anyway. That summer, I had to pull a lot more than that. Saturdays, Sundays, the odd 12 hour shifts…I didn’t get to the cottage very much that summer. Allegedly, one head office staffer was overheard saying to another, “It’s going to be funny watching Mike try to work all summer without a full-timer.” Good to know they had my back.
I was furious. But I was also defeated.
I had one weekend booked off in July. I couldn’t miss that weekend. My grandma’s 80th birthday party was that weekend. There was no way in hell that I was going to miss my grandma’s 80th birthday party. It was a 2 hour drive away, in Kincardine Ontario. I only have one grandma (88 this year!), but wouldn’t you know it? Nothing ever went smooth for me….
I had a date the previous night (Friday), with this girl who was originally from Thunder Bay. We went out and we had a nice meal followed by a night of drinks. I woke up slightly hungover, but eager to hit the lake, and say hi to grandma. Then, my phone rang. Not a good sign.
My least reliable employee, Wiseman, was calling in sick. The truth was more likely that he was calling in wasted. Somebody had to get the hell over there and cover him. And that someone was me.
I pulled in, unshowered, unshaven, and pissed off. I had never been so mad at Wiseman in my life. It was becoming a far, far too regular occurrence that he was always “sick”, and someone had to cover for him. You can’t expect every part time employee to give up their Saturday plans and work on no notice, but a manager had to.
To her credit, there was one head office person on duty that weekend, and she came in to take over. I will always be grateful to that person for covering me on my grandma’s 80th birthday weekend. If memory serves, my great aunt Marie, her sister, made it that weekend too. I think that was the last time I ever saw her, she passed away not too long after.
My relationship with head office people was rocky to say the least, especially after that “It’s going to be funny watching Mike try to work all summer…” crack. But she did cover me when I needed it. I won’t forget that, and I’ll always be grateful.
The rest of the summer was what it was, weekend after weekend of working, the same grind and drudgery. The musical light in the tunnel that summer was the release of Marillion’s double Marbles CD. It is my favourite Hogarth-era Marillion to this day, and when I received it that summer, it got me through. We didn’t carry it in stock in our store, but it was in my car, and on my home player, all summer. It brightened the mood, it kept me going, waking me up in the morning and getting me out the door. The Summer of Hell’s bright spot was Marillion, and my grandma.
I would like to dedicate this installment of the Record Store Tales to that one head office person who stepped up and covered for me that day. We had many knock-down-drag-out arguments over the years, and I’m sure that her side of many events differ from mine. Regardless, if it wasn’t for her, I wouldn’t have been present for my grandma’s 80th, and for that I owe her a debt of gratitude.
mikeladano.com 