toilet humour

Sunday Chuckle: Urinals

We had a urinal down at work.  For a short time, men had to do their business exclusively in the stalls.

Overheard in the stall next to me:

“Pissing in toilets is bullshit!  This ain’t right.”

I hear ya, man.  I hear ya!


Sunday Chuckle: Husband of the Year Award!


There’s always a story behind these things.  A few weeks ago, they had to do some work on the pipes in our condo.  The water in the whole building was shut off at 9 am.  I forgot to tell Jen about it.

I was reminded when I spoke to her on the phone, and she mentioned the toilet wouldn’t flush and the bathroom was stinky.

And that’s why, at work, I was awarded the Husband of the Year Award with a picture of a toilet on it.


Sunday Chuckle: M-Pee-3

WTF Search Terms: Dicks Get Clicks edition

dick shaped fruit

WTF SEARCH TERMS XXXII:  Dicks Get Clicks edition


I’ll admit it with no shame:  Sometimes I insert certain phrases into reviews, hoping they will eventually garner some hits from bizarre search terms.  I did that this week with my Ozzy Osbourne:  Ozzmosis review.  Trying to strike while the iron was still hot, I claimed that Rick Wakeman’s organ sound on the album was “bigger than Orlando Bloom’s wang”.  This may or may not even be true.

Only a day later, I got my first hit for this.  The evidence is below.

orlando blooms wang

I admit I’m getting some smug satisfaction from this.  Dicks get clicks.  At least if they belong to Orlando Bloom (and therefore, by extension, Katy Perry).


A safely anonymous friend of mine said, “I came across the uncensored versions. Oh my. I never thought twice about Orlando being hot or whatever, but dayum.  I guess I just needed a mouth…errr eye opener.”  I guess lots of people will be searching for Orlando Bloom’s wang.

Here are nine more search terms from recent weeks, none of them nearly as classy as Orlando Bloom’s wang.

  1. shit hand in shower
  2. shower poop guy
  3. russian milf
  4. www . fuck animals . com
  5. porn mcgangbang
  6. marilyn manson sucking dick pictures
  7. japanporn
  8. guy porn fuck she male real play mp4 down
  9. videos of trailer park aex partes


Thanks for joining us for these fucked-up search terms.  Whose wang will it be next month?  Who knows?


Guest WTF Search Terms: Fenway Park Dicks edition with DereK

WTF SEARCH TERMS XXX:  Fenway Park Dicks edition with DereK

Holy cow!  It’s the 30th edition of WTF Search Terms!  Please welcome back the talented multi-instrumentalist, the scourge of gamers, the nemesis of Donald Trump’s Youtube supporters…DereK!   Derek always enjoys the WTF Search Terms — those whacky things that people type into search engines and somehow wind up here.  No Joey Tempest search terms made the list this time.  Sorry folks, but that’s not Derek’s fault!  Without further adieu, here are Derek’s 10 favourite recent search terms from the hit parade, with his commentary!



1. ladano love girl

Clearly the name of Mike’s unreleased debut album that was leaked in 2003.

2. buddies compare dicks urinal

Tell me wherever these urinals are and I will make sure to avoid them. No it has nothing to do with insecurities about my penis size…

3. cocksuckers chicken jacked me

Sounds like the crime spree of stealing chickens is now an epidemic. I can see it now turning into a video game: “CTA: Chicken Theft Auto.” Will it offend politicians, Jack Thompson, and Anita Sarkeesian as much as Grand Theft Auto? Time will tell.

4. fenway park trough urinal where all the dicks hang out

OK now I have one more reason to not be a fucking Red Sox fan. Jesus Christ.

5. deer foot gun rack

A gun rack made entirely of deer feet seems a little useless. I mean, will it actually hold your rifle?

[LeBrain interjects:  Yes Derek, it does hold a rifle.  See?  Here’s mine.]



My summer sausage is always free. No need to shop online.

7. video porno de ladano

Something you want to tell us Mike?

8. girl gets interestet with wanker on train porno

Just a PSA, huffing paint thinner and using Google is not recommended.

9. sarah e. dunsworth tits

“Tits” sure is an awkward last name, but this is what appears on her birth certificate.

10. gene simmons is a wanker

Gene can’t possibly be a wanker. I doubt his dick has worked in years. That’s the tradeoff for having that tongue. You have to make a trade with the dick fairy to get a tongue that big. What? I thought this was common knowledge?


BOOK REVIEW: What’s Your Poo Telling You? by Josh Richman and Anish Sheth M.D.


What’s Your Poo Telling You? by Josh Richman and Anish Sheth M.D.

Illustrated by Peter Arkle, Chronicle Books, 96 pages

If you’re like me, you probably enjoy a good read while droppin’ a deuce.  And if you’re not like me, don’t judge; no, just take a look at all the Uncle John’s reader’s in the humour section of the local bookstore.  Who’s laughing now?  Uncle John, all the way to the bank!

Obviously, I’m  not alone.

A Christmas gift from my lovely wife, Mrs LeBrain, What’s Your Poo Telling You? by Josh Richman and Dr. Anish Sheth, is an informative illustrated reference book.  For health purposes.  For example, let’s say you encounter the health problem known colloquially as “Log Jam”.  Turn to page 62:   lack of water and/or dietary fiber cause stool to be too hard to pass.  Ahh!  I see!  Treatment:  enemas or…ewwww!…”manual disimpaction”.

Other conditions or events covered in the book include:  “Floaters vs. Sinkers”, “Rambo Poo”, “Number Three” (aka “Butt Piss”), the “Streak”, and many more.  Each article includes health tips, a biology lesson of the gastrointestinal variety, and many are illustrated.


There are also interesting factual articles to enjoy, such as a page on dinosaur droppings, and one on toilets owned by presidents and royalty.

For even more fun, be sure to check out the sequel, What’s My Pee Telling Me?  This helpful tome includes content on farts, pee, and even more poo.  New conditions discussed include “Itchy Poo” and “Poonami”.

I strongly recommended one or both of these books to concerned citizens everywhere.

5/5 stars

Part 169: Open Door Piss

RECORD STORE TALES Part 169:  Open Door Piss

I used to work with this guy, Joe.   People who know where I worked, they know Joe.  And they know Joe is a very, shall we say, unique person.  Funny as hell, but there is nobody like Joe.  Straight from my journal, here’s the proof.  I call this one the Open Door Piss.

Date: 2005/11/26 23:52

So I’m with Joe at work, talking about work or something. The conversation is as follows:

Me – (babbles on about work or something)
Joe – Hey, keep talking, follow me though.
Me – Where are we going?
Joe – Just follow me.
Me – OK, ummm, into the bathroom?
Joe – No, just stand outside, keep talking though.
(I hear him upzip his pants)
Me – Are you peeing?
Joe – Yeah man! It’s the open door piss! So what was I saying before? Oh yeah…(continues conversation).

Joe’s a pretty interesting guy.

A couple years later, I was having a Rock Band party at my house, during which Uncle Meat also did the Open Door Piss.  Must be a Record Store Guy thing?