Filler

Teeth Week #3: “(Anesthesia) Pulling Teeth” by Metallica – Today’s the day!

Today’s the day.  I’ve never been put under in my life, so mark this date on your calendar, readers!  If all goes well, I’ll update you on how it went!  In the meantime we’re on the third and most important song for Teeth Week.  It had to be “(Anesthesia) Pulling Teeth” by Metallica today.  No other song would do it.

This track is an instrumental composed and performed by the late Cliff Burton for Metallica’s debut LP Kill ‘Em All.  Surely it has to be one of the most famous bass instrumentals in the history of rock.  The fuzzy bass sound is absolutely perfect, as Cliff plays a rhythm melody with tasty bass licks.  His technique is insane, with fingers flying and tapping over the fretboard.  Lars Ulrich and the rest of Metallica don’t even come in until the halfway point, leaving Cliff to lay down the most awesome of bass songs.

Check out the 1983 studio original, and a live version recorded in Chicago the same year.  If I could play bass a fraction as well as Cliff Burton, I’d be happy!

Bring on the anesthesia — here I go.  Wish me luck!

Teeth Week #2: “Baby, Take Your Teeth Out” by Frank Zappa

Today on Teeth Week, we have “Baby, Take Your Teeth Out” by Frank Zappa, from 1984’s Them Or Us.  That album featured not just Frank on guitar, but also Steve Vai and Dweezil Zappa.  Zappa’s tune isn’t about having your teeth taken out, but rather taking out your falsies, presumably for sexual purposes!

This hilarious song has elements of doo-wop and progressive space rock.  Though the music is expectedly complex, the lyrics are quite simple.  The speaker is asking his partner to take her teeth out, just to try one time.  Leave ’em on the kitchen table, and he’ll recline.  That’s about it!

Frank Zappa was a musical genius who juxtaposed that with humour.  This song is a great example.  Enjoy.

Baby take your teeth outTry it one timeBaby take your teeth outTry it one timeLeave ’em on the kitchen table
Baby take your teeth outIt’ll be fineBaby take your teeth outIt’ll be fineThere ain’t nothin’ left to smile about
Baby take your teeth outYou look divineBaby take your teeth outYou look divineGo ahead and eat the label
Baby take your teeth outI will reclineBaby take your teeth outI will reclineThere ain’t nothin’ left to talk about

Teeth Week #1: “Punched In the Teeth By Love” by Mötley Crüe

Welcome to Teeth Week! Here we are – the week of my dental surgery. They’re putting me under on Wednesday the 28th, which is a first for me, and I don’t mind telling you I’m a little nervous! So let’s have some fun with it. This week we will be featuring songs involving teeth! The Def Leppard review series will continue next week. This week, let’s have a look at some teeth!

Motley Crue’s “Punched in the Teeth By Love” was written for 1991’s Decade of Decadence, but not properly recorded and released until 2000’s New Tattoo album. Or perhaps just the title was recycled on New Tattoo, since the final released version of “Punched in the Teeth By Love” is credited to Nikki Sixx, Vince Neil, Mick Mars and new Crue drummer Randy Castillo. Regarding, it’s one of the better songs on the album with a biting, if underwhelming, riff. The title of the song used to be somewhat of an anthem for me, as I had joked many times that I was going to steal it and write my own song based on my own experiences of being punched in the teeth by love.

Sheik Week Day 5: Ending Sheik Week With Hilarious Tweets

Thanks for joining me this week for Sheik Week, a collection of the Iron Sheik’s funniest tweets.  Reader Brian Richards said “hell yeah!” when I suggested this as a week of “filler” posts.  Unless you’re a jabroni, then you have enjoyed these past five days of the Sheik’s most hilarious tweets.  From song lyrics to current events to pop culture, the Shiek has capslock commentary on them all.  Follow the Sheik on Twitter and check out some of his classic WWF matches.

SATURDAY SHEIK FACT:

Less than a year after the cocaine incident with Hacksaw Jim Duggan, the WWF deemed the public’s memory short and the Sheik made a triumphant return defeating “jobbers” (the guys who always lose to the bigger names).  He bounced around other wrestling organizations, came back to the WWF in 1991, and then wrestled the independent circuit for almost a decade.  Today he enjoys a pop culture status as a minor icon.  In 2013 he challenged then-Toronto mayor Rob Ford to a match.  Both men were caught doing cocaine during their professional careers.  He has even appeared on the Canadian television program Kenny Vs. Spenny, attempting to sodomize Spenny with a bottle when he mentioned Hulk Hogan as one of his favourite wrestlers.  We love ya Sheiky!

Sheik Week Day 4: The Iron Sheik Still Hates Hogan

When I said “should I do a Sheik Week?” reader Brian Richards said “hell yeah!”  It’s Sheik Week at mikeladano.com bubba!  This week, we are enjoying some of the Sheik’s most hilarious tweets.  From song lyrics to current events to pop culture, the Shiek has capslock commentary on them all.  And he haaaates Hulk Hogan to this day.  This series will run Tuesday to Saturday this week.  Let’s hear it for the Sheik!

FRIDAY SHEIK FACT:

It was kind of a big deal when the Iron Sheik was caught doing cocaine while rival Hacksaw Jim Duggan was smoking weed in a car on the way to a match.  For the WWF, an impact of this was that the Sheik was caught partying with his supposed enemy.  This destroyed the illusion.  The WWF let the Sheik go, and Duggan also temporarily left the organization.

Sheik Week Day 3: The Sheik Suplexes Your Thursday Into Submission

With the support of reader Brian Richards, it’s Sheik Week at mikeladano.com!  This week, we are reading some of the Sheik’s most hilarious tweets.  From song lyrics to current events to pop culture, the Shiek has capslock commentary on them all.  His grudge against Hulk Hogan is just as heated as ever.  This series will run Tuesday to Saturday this week.  Let’s hear it for the Sheik!

THURSDAY SHEIK FACT:

Fans of 80s wrestling know the Sheik best for his tag team partnership with Nikolai Volkoff.  Under the management of “Classy” Freddie Blassie, the Sheik and Volkoff took the WWF Tag Team Championship from the U.S. Express on March 31, 1985.  The U.S. Express took the title back on June 17 of that year.  The angle here was the US/Iran/Russia political rivalry, played out in the ring,

Sheik Week Day 2: Hilarious Sheik Tweets Aplenty

You can thank long time reader and recent pal Brian Richards.  It’s Sheik Week at mikeladano.com, you jabroni!  This week, we are examining some of the Sheik’s most hilarious tweets, bubba.  From song lyrics to current events to pop culture, the Shiek has capslock commentary on them all.  He really seems to hate Hulk Hogan.  This series will run Tuesday to Saturday this week.  Let’s hear it for the Iron Sheik!

WEDNESDAY SHEIK FACT:

The Iron Sheik’s real name is Hossein Khosrow Ali Vaziri. Unlike many “foreign” WWF wrestlers, Vaziri was actually born where he was billed from: Iran.  In his early years, he worked as a bodyguard for the Shah of Iran.

Sheik Week Day 1: The Best of The Iron Sheik’s Twitter

Thanks to long time reader and recent pal Brian Richards…welcome to Sheik Week at mikeladano.com, bubba!  For the next five days we will be looking at some of the Sheik’s most hilarious tweets.  From song lyrics to current events to pop culture, the Sheik has capslock commentary on them all.  And he really, really, really still has a grudge for Hulk Hogan.  This series will run Tuesday to Saturday this week.  Let’s hear it for the Iron Sheik!

TUESDAY SHEIK FACT:

The Iron Sheik won the WWF World Heavyweight Championship from Bob Backlund on December 26, 1983 due to Backlund’s manager throwing in the towel during a vicious camel clutch.  Sheik lost the title January 23, 1984 to Hulk Hogan and his atomic legdrop.  Hulkamania had begun.

“Cryptozoology Rap (Alien on the End of My Knob)”

This track (a mikeladano.com exclusive) you are about to hear is called “Cryptozoology Rap (Alien on the End of My Knob)” by an anonymous artist.  It is a Sausagefest classic.  Hope you enjoy it.

“Cryptozoology Rap (Alien on the End of My Knob)“

 

Addendum: Sh*t Pic Click Stats

As an addendum to Friday’s installment of Getting More Tale (#546: Worst. McDonalds. EVER.) I thought it would be enlightening to share some statistics.  You will recall that installment #546 made mention of an “inside the park home run” — slang for “taking a shit in a urinal”.  At a McDonalds out of town, our friend Craiggles encountered such a thing and took a photo for proof of its existence.

Though I entered the photo into the evidence box, I advised you very strongly not to click it.

Here’s how many of you have taken a peek in the last 36 hours since it was published:

73.

That’s right, 73 of you sickos clicked to see what an “inside the park home run” looked like.  Shame shame shame on you!  :)