Guest Post

#382: Record Store Tales Mk3 – The New Direction

SHAW BLADES

RECORD STORE TALES Mk3: The New Direction

Having been on the interweb for three years now, endlessly driveling on about heavy metal music, science fiction movies, and whining about the trials and tribulations of working in a Record Store, I have decided to make a clean break with the past.  It feels like all I’ve been doing here is dwelling on events and music of the past.  I’m through with the zoilism.  I have now made peace with it, and moved on.  It’s time to do something new for a change.  I have analyzed the trends of the internet, let go of my rage, and found the next big thing.  My new direction.

The new direction is this:

Mushrooms!  Delicious mushrooms, the edible kind.  Not the poisonous or psychoactive ones.  The kind you would put in a salad or on a pizza.  I love mushrooms.  I always have.  Some people consider them “shit flowers”* but I think they’re awesome.  They taste great and smell great when cooked in butter.  They’re even delicious and healthy when served raw.  They are loaded with vitamins B and D, and are an excellent source of minerals.  The fruit among fungus, mushrooms are a delicious way to eat healthy!

Not only are they good for you, but mushrooms are also good for the environment.  New studies have shown them to be adept at removing toxins from soil.  The industrial uses for the fungus in the future are limitless, and they are still being investigated for medicinal purposes, in the treatment of various cancers.

The future for fungus is bright, and I hope you will join me daily here at mikeladano.com as we share recipes and the latest science of mushrooms!  But balance is also important.  With me on my latest adventure is the ever loyal Aaron, to add some counterbalance to my raving.  As a taste (yuk yuk) of things to come, here is Aaron’s first rant (I hope of many) on mushrooms!

YUMMY

Apparently Mike is writing something to praise mushrooms. And (I’m imagining) not the super-fun (so I’ve heard) hallucinogenic ones, either. No, my impression was that he meant the nasty, vile, disgusting little fungi that some people inexplicably eat in salads and all the other myriad ways people ingest the revolting things.

In his email asking me to participate as the dissenting voice (an easy job for me), he didn’t exactly specify how long my rant should be… actually, his reply was “I was thinking a paragraph of 4-6 lines, but Jesus…maybe it would be even funnier if you went balls deep, and on and on for a while!” To which, naturally, I replied THAT’S WHAT SHE SAID. Anyway, it would seem I have license to hold forth on these repellent little blobs for as long as I want!

Like most people, you’re thinking something along the lines of: what could I possibly I find so off-putting about these? Surely I’ll agree they’re tasty, and nutritious! Oh, if I’d only ever had them prepared properly, I’d surely change my mind about them! Well, no. No no no no no. And NO. They are a taste AND a texture violation. They’re nauseating, and I pick them off pizzas. Do you even know what they grow these off-putting things in? Hm? And yet still you eat them? Ohhh yes give me more of THAT unpalatable fleur de merde! Mmmmm…

SHIT FLOWER*Yes, that’s right. Shit flowers. That’s what I call them, and it’s entirely appropriate, not only in taste but in the actual gardening of them. My stomach turns at the thought of finding one in a stew, stir fry or pasta. Don’t put them anywhere near my panini, sauce, soup, or my beef/chicken/anything else. Sliced, stuffed, dried, baked, or wrapped in bacon (no, not even the MIGHTY BACON can help these sad little bastards), I do not want your vomitous little bulbs of distaste.

There’s only one (appropriately-named) mushroom that truly tells the story, and that is, of course, the shiitake mushroom. At least that one knows it is shiit. And that’s the only positive I can think of, when asked to turn my mind to even the thought of these little turds.

If you like them, and actually choose to ingest them, power to you. You’re welcome to have my share, today and forever after that. Enjoy eating your shiit.

GUEST REVIEW: Sixx:A.M. – Modern Vintage (2014)

Review by TOMMY MORAIS

A lot of “modern” and not a whole lot of “vintage”

MODERN VINTAGESIXX:A.M. – Modern Vintage (2014)

I was a fan of Sixx:A.M. when they first came out with The Heroin Diaries in 2007. At the time the music was fresh and just what I needed. I was in high school and going through difficult times and things teenagers go through. I was already in love with Motley Crue for a few years at that point. Then when Nikki Sixx came out strong with Sixx:A.M., I respected him even more as he was now in two bands that l loved.

I thought Sixx:A.M. had everything going for them; a great single, excellent songwriting and I could identify with the music and some of the lyrical content. The accompanying book also made for a wonderful experience. I enjoyed the band’s second album and bought it on release day in 2011. I liked a lot of that album and its accompanying book even though l felt it wasn’t as impressive as the first. I stayed a fan and continued following the band anticipation their next release. 2014 rolls along (which shows this review is a bit overdue) and hence we have Sixx:A.M.’s third studio album, Modern Vintage.

The album begins with “Stars”, a very good indication of the album’s overall sound, style and feel. To me it’s average at best; it’s not unlistenable but it doesn’t grab you in the way it intends to. It has “made for radio” all over it. “Gotta Get it Right” is the first single and didn’t do anything to encourage me to pick up the album. I can get the over almost Christmas-like feel it has but I think where they fail lies in the chorus.

“Relief” is straight ahead rock and with its lyrical theme sounds more like the Sixx:A.M. of the past. “Gotta Get You Some” is a twist and a nice change of pace with its acoustic guitars before kicking it into high gear for the chorus. It too has a very commercial ready for radio feel, only slightly darker. I’m not in love with this song but James Michael does a very good singing performance.

“Let’s Go” and “Give Me A Love” are probably the closest to heavy rock tracks on here (and to the sound of previous Sixx:A.M.). “Let’s Go” is especially a true fist-pumper and a highlight. “Drive” is a an awful cover of the same song by The Cars. It sounds dull and the electronic euro pop in the background makes it unlistenable. The guitar work is the only good thing about it. “Hyperventilate” is nice and short, one of the better songs on Modern Vintage. “High On The Music” sounds like a terrible young pop band and not like Sixx:A.M. or a rock band, going for that radio hit feel-good type song. “Miracle” has cool groove and a vintage feel to it, on the other hand it also honestly sounds like a Maroon 5 tune. “Before it’s Over” has a jazzy/lounge feel to it, which I give them credit for trying to branch out.

I’m not sure what I was expecting out of Modern Vintage or if I was expecting anything at all to be honest. I loved the first album, liked the second and bought the third out of loyalty and because I thought there’d be at least a few songs l liked. I wasn’t terribly into the first single but I didn’t let that discourage me. Well I’m sad to say that after multiple listens it’s a bit underwhelming. The songs don’t “rock” as hard and sound more mainstream and bland; that is both musically and lyrically. The songs are more ‘happy’ this time around. In theory this should work but it doesn’t. There’s no anger, no frustration, desperation, none of what made Sixx:A.M.’s core on the first two albums. I’m actually surprised to see so many high ratings and reviews praising the album everywhere. Maybe we didn’t listen to the same Sixx:A.M. band previously, I don’t know. All l know is what I hear and this album just doesn’t do anything for me and I don’t enjoy the direction they went in. A lot has been said about the drum sound which feels artificial and I agree, it just doesn’t work all that well this time around.

Modern Vintage ends up sounding like a lot of modern and no vintage. Alas I am not a hater. It pains me because I’m a Crue fan, a Sixx:A.M. fan and a Nikki Sixx fan and l really wanted to enjoy it. It just feels less inspired than the first two and even though it has a different sound it doesn’t break any new ground. It tries to hard to go for the commercial radio songs and it’s like they forgot who they where. Hopefully they’ll get it back and deliver another good album. In the meantime this is terrible.

1.5/5 stars

[LeBrain’s note: I’ve listened to the album, and I agree with Tommy 100%.  In fact, my review can be found below.]

POO

GUEST REVIEW: Europe – War of Kings (2015) by Tommy Morais

It’s been two years since Tommy Morais contributed a review here.  It is with great joy that I celebrate Tommy’s return, and that of the rock band Europe!  Please join me in welcoming back Tommy, a great reviewer originally from the province of New Brunswick, Canada.

NEW RELEASE review by TOMMY MORAIS

 

“Europe establishes itself as a modern classic rock band”

WAR OF KINGSEUROPE – War of Kings (2015 UDR)

After the bluesy affair that was Bag of Bones, the band Europe returns to a heavier sound and approach on War of Kings and ultimately, a more Europe-sounding album. The band has essentially transformed itself from its glam metal roots to essentially become a modern classic rock band. I’ve always been a fan of albums like Wings of Tomorrow and Out of This World, just as l am a fan of Last Look At Eden and their recent albums. If anyone cares to listen there’s more to this band than “The Final Countdown”, the occasional hit song and power ballads. For anyone who’s been keeping track, they know that the last few Europe albums have been very enjoyable and saw them release some of their best music thus far in their career (Last Look At Eden, Start From The Dark, Secret Society).

The title track opens up, and it’s every bit as epic sounding as you expect it to be.  It’s a raunchy, slow down and dirty metallic number. Europe makes it clear from the get-go that they’re going in a heavy direction. “Hole in my Pocket” is a more light and upbeat track, and whereas the first track sounded more metal this one is more energetic AOR rock (with a blistering John Norum solo). “Second Day” is one of the highlights for me: the lyrics and the feel of the song are inspiring and Joey Tempest’s voice sounds like some part deep on him is aching and it’s brilliant. “Praise You” is a slow tempo rocker, not-quite ballad with a bluesy feel (Norum’s playing is just magnificent here) with hard rock tempo changes… this track really surprised me! “Nothin’ To Ya” is in a similar vein as the title track in that it goes for an epic feel but there’s orchestration on in the background that makes it interesting.

“California 405” is a cool mellow, almost easy-listening song. “Days of Rock ‘N’ Roll” is probably the closest sounding thing to a “The Final Countdown” here, and that is based on the joyous riff it possesses. Another solid rocker.  “Children of the Night” is a dark sounding tune with some excelling guitar playing, something almost fit for the late great Ronnie James Dio. “Rainbow Bridge” has an exotic sound; it makes me feel like l’m about to enter some place like Morocco.  It’s this album’s “Kashmir”, very different and very cool.  “Angels (With Broken Hearts”) could almost be considered a ballad but it’s really a slow, here-comes-the-heartache piece with the music doing the biggest talking. “Light Me Up” is not bad at all, but it’s my least favourite song on War of Kings and not the best way to end the album.

For what it is I quite enjoy War of Kings, and it offers a solid collection of songs. Joey Tempest’s voice has aged like a fine wine where you can tell he’s comfortable and confident in his abilities, and this is possibly the best he’s ever sounded in all honesty. John Norum is a very talented guitar player and he has his shining moments in his riffs and solos, and puts a little blues out there as well. Europe are competent musicians and it certainly comes across as such, and maybe even more so now that they have moved past the “glam” and “hair” metal tags. I feel like since their comeback in the early 2000’s they’ve truly become a modern classic rock band in sound and spirit (don’t worry they still love and play the classics and hits live).

While it’s true that you only get one first impression, l wish more people would give Europe a chance, because they’re not the same band they were during the 80’s and they’ve become better musicians as time passed by. I think a lot of classic rock fans who didn’t like Europe during their most successful years especially might enjoy this a lot more than they’d ever think. Maybe some were hoping for a nostalgia trip but the keyboards and power ballads are not to be found here, this is a more mature Europe and a very fine one at that. For that reason l think some would like this a lot more. And if you were a fan all along then what are you waiting for? Pick this up and give it a spin. I praise Europe for giving us a true great hard rock record in 2015.

4/5 stars

WTF Search Terms: Fan Favourites – D ‘RAGEQUIT’ edition

RAGEQUIT

WTF Search Terms XXVI: Fan Favourites – D ‘RAGEQUIT’ edition

LeBrain readers may recall D’s experimental instrumental music from a couple reviews that I posted here last year. D wanted to take a guest shot at WTF Search Terms — the bizarre search terms that I sometimes find has brought people here to mikeladano.com.  From that heap of puzzlement and filth, D has picked his 10 favourites.  Enjoy!

1. gene simmons is a wanker

And a plonker, muppet, and bellend. I enjoy British swear words too!

2. film porno women shit and piss

This must have been a list of “to-do’s”

1. Film porno
2. Women?
3. Shit
4. And piss

3. animation whores weaing glasses acquire screwed 7

One of the failed operating systems programmed by Microsoft. Still not as bad as Vista.

4. i would like to hear a song on the cults weapon of choice album

Um, me too I guess. I’m more partial to their record Sonic Temple.

5. porn mcgangbang

The original name for McDonald’s Big Mac. Too bad they changed it, children could have learned some new vocabulary to tell mom and dad!

6. guy porn fuck she male real play mp4 down

Would you like some coffee with your LSD?

7. silent knight porn

The modern twist on an old Christmas classic!

8. Imanokoff

We are all nokoffs friend.

9. swedish made penis

Not interested, I like my Welsh penis just fine.

10. david lee roth in assless chaps

What the fuck is wrong with you man?!?!?! Nobody wants to see that. I’m still recovering from seeing the 2007 reunion concert and watching Diamond Dave balance a top hat on his ding-a-ling!!!! I’m not fucking kidding!!!!!

Thanks D for this disturbing installment of WTF Search Terms!  Check out his music at Mixolydian Blog!

GUEST CONCERT REVIEW: Fleetwood Mac 2/04/2015

GUEST REVIEW by BOPPIN


FLEETWOOD MAC – Live, February 4 2015 at the Air Canada Center, Toronto

Before reviewing the concert I have to give a brief history of my introduction to Fleetwood Mac. In the early 90’s, one of my buddies took out whatever hair band CD was in the player and put in Fleetwood Mac Rumours. WTF is that crap? It sounded like the love child of ABBA and The Eagles! After a while the band grew on me. I wasn’t exactly going to cruise down main street with Fleetwood Mac blasting out the T-tops, but I did start to enjoy it. It became one of my guilty pleasures, and my wife loves them, so this is a bonus.

Fast forward to February 4 2015. My wife and I were early, so we got to our seats before the show started. The band was not on time, but only 20 minutes or so behind schedule. By Axl Rose standards, they were 2 hours early. This gave me time to Google the setlist as I always do before a concert. 24 songs and two encores. 24 songs? Holy crap. I also read reviews of many of the recent shows. All glowing love-fests proclaiming Fleetwood Mac as the next best thing since sliced bread, with nary a whisper of negativity. Well. We shall see about that.

The lights dim and we see the shadows of band members entering the stage. The crowd roars. When the music starts you get a feeling why this band has remained so popular. The rhythm section of this band is awesome. These guys are in their late 60’s, and they still sound incredible. John McVie is the guy that likes to stay in the background. I don’t think I ever saw any hint of showmanship from him, but he played his bass flawlessly, and that is all you can ask. Mick Fleetwood is a really underrated drummer. His talents are not shown off in the mostly pop rock songs that made the band famous, but over the years I have heard enough of his songs to know he has what it takes. And for his age, he still has it. Lindsey Buckingham is a guitarist that wasn’t on my radar: until I saw him live. He was not awesome, but a very unique guitar player. For starters, he does not play with a pick. I have seen many players play acoustic without a pick but not many electric players. His right thumb seems to act kind of like a pick, but his right hand fingers do this kind of spastic fingerpicking that is hard to describe. Kind of like, if he was trying to flick crumbs from all of his fingers at the same time. I can’t quite figure out how the guitar sounds so good when his thumb and all 4 fingers seem to be flicking at the strings at the same time. But it works.

Piano and accordion duties were handled by Christine McVie. Her strength however is her vocal prowess. All I can say is that anyone that saw this band in the last 16 years prior to this tour should ask for their money back. She left the band during that time due to an intense fear of flying. What an absolute loss that was. She completes this band, the way Van Halen was completed when David Lee Roth came back. They were great without him, but awesome with him. Her voice is so crisp and it reminds me of the first robin you hear in the spring. You can’t help but smile. For a 71 year old lady, she still looks and sounds beautiful. Kind of like an older Judith Light. She must have been a real force to deal with in her heyday.

The final member is the resident scarf twirler, tambourine banging, top hat wearing lady named Stevie Nicks — probably the most famous member of the band. She is the only member to have a productive solo career. Unfortunately life, and possibly hard partying have caught up to Stevie. Her voice is down at least 1 octave, and she can’t hit the high notes anymore. She still has a great stage presence and she is possibly better at her age than some singers in their prime.

MAC 2

Now for the bad.

“Tusk”. The mere mention of this song turns me off. However, I did prefer the live version of this song to the original, but that is not saying much.

“Second Hand News” is my favourite song by this version of the band. This live rendition however was ruined by whatever annoying sound effect they had in place of the bass line that the original had. And the “bowm bowm bowm bowm bowm…” is a little off. It might be too fast paced for the elder statesmen.

Even though I commended Lindsey, he is not without fault. His voice progressively got worse as the night wore on. I was hoping they would actually mute his mike, and just let his guitar do the talking. When he did a vocal solo, his voice reminded me of a pre-pubescent mixed with The Hobbit. I was waiting for him to say “precious’. There were also times in the night that he yelled and screamed much louder than he needed to. And I won’t even mention the skinny jeans he borrowed from One Direction.

The song choices could have been better in my opinion. There were a few duds near the middle, and even one song from the Peter Green era would have been nice. Not many people realize the band did “Black Magic Woman” before Santana. Also, they could have done a cover of “Werewolves of London”. John and Mick were the rhythm section on the Warren Zevon song. These would have been good substitutions.

Stevie Nicks though a good stage presence, kind of reminds me of an old hippie cat lady from Woodstock, New York. She is about three puffs on a reefer away from being bat shit crazy. She was rambling a few times during the night. Something about Lindsey in high school and he knew her but she didn’t know him blah, blah. Next about the store that influenced the song “Gypsy”…zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. I told my wife to nudge when she stopped rambling.

I read in another interview how the giant screen behind the stage and the smaller screens near the front made the show so much better. Apparently this person was not sitting where I sat. The smaller screens blocked my view of members of the band. When Mick was doing a sweet solo, I wanted to watch his arms flailing. But instead I got to see a stupid screen in my way.

In conclusion, this was a concert worth seeing. I watched the Youtube clips of the show, and they don’t shed a good light on the band. The band does sound much better when you are seeing them in concert than what it looks and sounds like on a computer. Although I was much worse on them than any other reviewer I read, I still enjoyed the show. I can finally say I saw them, and I would recommend them to others.

I would rate them:

7.5/10
(3.75/5 stars on the LeBrain scale)

MACThanks Boppin for the awesome review once again! — LeBrain

 

WTF Search Terms: Fan Favourites – First Grade Math edition

Everybody seems to have their favourite kind of content.  My buddy Thussy comes here mostly for the WTFs!  Every once in a while, I’ll send him a list of all the weird and wacky search terms that have (somehow) lead people to mikeladano.com.  As he did in WTF Search Terms XV, he’s picked his favourites.  Please welcome back Thussy for this Guest Shot edition of WTF Search Terms.

WTF Search Terms XXIV: Fan Favourites – First Grade Math edition

It’s been a year since my last installment of WTF search terms so here it is: My list of fucked up shit people want to see on the internet and then somehow make it to Lebrains blog. And when I say shit it sometimes literally means shit.

10. share this click to email this to a friend
I had to include this one because how the hell does this get you to a blog about music?

9. i don’t exist
Then don’t google yourself.

8. wild party
I am a wild party.

7. shower poop guy
Why do people keep searching this?

6. swedish made penis
This sort of thing aint my bag baby.

5. first grade math
Is this the answer to the question, “what did Lebrain fail in school?”

4. orangie took like 6 shooters and some bong tokes
Excellent season, the Boys still have it.

3. porn mcgangbang
It is definitely food porn.

2. Japanporn
If this is anything like Japanese imports they are way too expensive.

1. selling piss julian
“Meth?!?! He’s selling piss, you fucking dumb dumb.”

PISS

Tom and Meat’s Top Whatever of 2014

For my Top Five of 2014, click here.

For Dr. Dave’s Top Ten of 2014, click here.

For the Top Whatever of No Pre-Determined Amount from two of Canada’s most knowledgeable rock gods, stay tuned right here.  From Meaford Ontario, weighing in at XXX lbs, it’s Iron Tom Sharpe, who turns it up to 11.

SAM_2973

Tom’s Top Eleven of 2014

BEN WARD11. Various Artists – RONNIE JAMES DIO: This Is Your Life
10. JUSTIN TOWNES EARLE – Single Mothers
9. MASTODON – Once More ‘Round the Sun
8. EARLY MAN – Thank God You’ve Got the Answers For Us All
7. OPETH – Pale Communion
6. JOHN GARCIA – John Garcia
5. ST. PAUL & the BROKEN BONES – Half the City
4. sHEAVY – The Best Of sHeavy – A Misleading Collection
3. DRIVE-BY TRUCKERS – English Oceans
2. BRANT BJORK and the LOW DESERT PUNK BAND – Black Power Flower
1. ORANGE GOBLIN – Back From The Abyss

Saving the best for last, here’s Uncle Meat.  For added rocket sauce he’s also given me his top movies of 2014.

SAM_2788

Meat’s Top Eight of 2014

Copy of IMG_20140706_0857128. MASTODON – Once More ‘Round the Sun
7. ECHO AND THE BUNNYMEN – Meteorites
6. FOO FIGHTERS – Sonic Highways
5. “WEIRD AL” YANKOVIC – Mandatory Fun
4. FLYING COLORS – Second Nature
3. BRANT BJORK and the LOW DESERT PUNK BAND – Black Power Flower
2. DRIVE-BY TRUCKERS – English Oceans
1. ORANGE GOBLIN – Back From the Abyss

Meat’s Top Twelve Movies of 2014

WHIPLASH12. Lucy
11. X Men : Days of Future Past
10. St. Vincent
9. Interstellar
8. The Lego Movie
7. The Grand Budapest Hotel
6. Captain America: The Winter Soldier
5. The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies
4. Guardians of the Galaxy
3. Get On Up
2. Birdman
1. Whiplash

Dr. Dave’s List: Top Ten of 2014

A brief introduction to Dr. Dave: Not only is he one of Sausagefest’s most notable regulars, but he’s a talented musician too.  That’s him playing guitar on “The Maiden Song” from 2013.  He’s brought a completely different crop of bands to mikeladano.com with his Top Ten of 2014.  Enjoy.  (For my top ten, click here.)

IMG_20140705_181422

DR. DAVE’S Top Ten of 2014

Due to some disappointing releases from the likes of Mogwai, Interpol, and the Drive-By-Truckers, my Top 10 is heavy on the metal. What might surprise some people is the number of bands that fall close to, if not well within, the orbit of “black metal.” Yes, this most unfashionable of metal sub-genres has a glacier’s weight of the shitty and silly behind it, but in recent years it has evolved into the most creative force in metal. The vocals are always a dodgy proposition, but I don’t care. At a time when I was bored with the same-old blues-based root-5th power chord ho-hum I’ve heard this 87000 times since last Tuesday shtick, the blizzardy blast-beating barrage of newer BM bands came as a breath of fresh air. So, without further ado…

10. YOB – Clearing the Path to Ascend

If only for album closer “Marrow.” As the title suggests, this is as much a spiritual as a musical investment. This is not for the attention deficit disorder crowd – in fact, nothing on my list is. On his playthisriff.com website, Bob Balch of Fu Manchu cites YOB as one of the most requested, and difficult to produce, sources of guitar tablature. Must be all those eerie suspended chords. This is not your Uncle’s doom, trotting out the usual second-rate Sabbath bilge. Dive in or stay home. There is no in-between.

9. BLUT AUS NORD – Memoria Vetusta III: Saturnian Poetry

Along with the mighty Deathspell Omega, BAN forms the ungodly one-two punch of French avant-garde black metal. They have as much in common with Arnold Schoenberg as they do with classic heavy metal, and it shows. This is alien music, unsettled and unsettling melodies trapped in a churning maelstrom of rhythm. Yet from the chaos emerges moments of glorious and triumphant power. MVIII features a real drummer and a more organic feel, and while I prefer MVII, this is still undeniable. It will surely alienate conventional music listeners, and that’s fine. If you want to know what Cthulu has on his iPod, well, now you know.

8. ORANGE GOBLIN – Back From The Abyss

Damn. For years I figured Time-Travelling Blues would forever remain my favorite Orange Goblin album. Then they came out with Eulogy for the Damned and challenged that assumption. This does the same thing. They’re not a radically different band now, they just delve deeper into their talent and influences and deliver more accomplished material. They’re hitting a middle-aged stride. Better come along for the ride. And hopefully they come back to these parts – they’re a must-see live band.

7. OPETH– Pale Communion

Wasn’t overly impressed with their last one, but this is killer. They’re not really a metal band anymore, and that’s okay. Any fan of 70’s prog should be all over this like Bill Cosby on a drowsy lady. I’ve always preferred my prog with a healthy helping of balls, and this delivers. Proof positive that metal boasts some of the most versatile and forward-looking musicians of any genre, anywhere, anywhen, anyhow.

6. MASTODON – Once More Round the Sun

As with Orange Goblin, I figured the Highway to Hell, Moving Pictures, Gretchen Goes to Nebraska, Queen II-rule would still apply – namely, that the album that first got me into the band would always be my favorite. Once More Round the Sun may, in time, dethrone Leviathan as my favorite Mastodon album. Obviously I’m not one of those dicks who argue that because they’ve gained mainstream popularity they’ve gone soft and toothless. Their use of melody has been honed to a razor’s sharpness, and they swing like pretty much no other metal band can. They are capable of anything, and where they will go from here is anybody’s guess.

5. TRIPTYKON – Melana Chasmata

Thomas Gabriel Fischer is best known as the force behind Celtic Frost. While I missed the boat on his latest project’s initial album (Eparistera Daimones), this one has had me by the short and curlies for a month now. Oozing with menace and dripping with spite, this is a lurching, gargantuan slab of primordial darkness. Album opener “Tree of Suffocating Souls” is ridiculous, but it’s the relatively subdued “Aurorae” that really hooked me. A brooding slow-burner, it adds layers and intensity in a post-metal fashion that builds to a neatly twisted guitar solo.

4. PALLBEARER – Foundations of Burden

I can understand why even some metalheads don’t cotton to the doom. It’s slow, it’s gloomy, it’s repetitive. And then comes Pallbearer, four guys from Arkansas, and everything you think you know about doom can be deposited in a small sack and buried six hundred and sixty-six feet beneath Ozzy’s decapitated bat. The melodic richness of “The Ghost I Used To Be” is a perfect example of where doom is going now because of these guys.

3. WINTERFYLLETH – The Divination of Antiquity

The most quintessentially English black metal band, Winterfylleth combines the charging rhythms and regal melodies of Iron Maiden with the blast beats and tremolo picking of black metal to create a supercharged English folk music for the 21st Century. It’s about the riffs with these guys – slight alterations in fingering create micro-melodic textures within the dominant keys, creating the “blizzardy” tremolo-picked sound of black metal. These guys have it down to a science. “A Careworn Heart” is a lot more relaxed, but you will get the drift.

2. AGALLOCH – The Serpent and the Sphere

For my money, the emergence of “post-black metal” has been the best thing to happen in metal this century, other than the “post-metal” of Isis and like bands. So, not surprisingly, Isis and Agalloch are my two favorite bands to emerge since 2000. The Serpent and the Sphere isn’t the instant classic that Ashes Against the Grain and Marrow of the Spirit were, but this is an epic addition to a nearly flawless discography nonetheless. These forest-dwellers from Oregon have perfected the folksy, pagan, post-rock mutation of black metal like no one else. Lyrical and uplifting while still rooted (distantly) in a style of metal known for the ugly and evil. As usual, it’s the build-up and crescendo that is the goal. “Plateau of the Ages” brings it, and then some.

1. PANOPTICON – Roads To The North

Blackgrass? Blue Metal? I don’t know what you’d call it, but genius Austin Lunn has combined his love of grim and frostbitten Norwegian black metal with the bluegrass of his native Kentucky, resulting in an album of unbridled originality. He’s an incredibly versatile guitarist, an insane drummer, and lays down some of the best bass ever heard on a black metal album. I envy this dude in a serious way. In order to fully grasp it, you have to hear all three parts of “The Long Road” in succession, all the way through. You can hear the black metal in the bluegrass parts and the bluegrass in the black metal parts. Fucking genius. Album of the year, regardless of genre.

#347: Hortons (featuring Mrs. LeBrain)

She’s back with another guest shot!  Enjoy this two-fer Tale.

RECORD STORE TALES Mk II: Getting More Tale
#347: Hortons

IMG_20141117_173614LeBRAIN’S TAKE:

Here’s one thing I never understood, either in the Record Store days or today:  People who are obsessed with Tim Hortons coffee.  I’m married to one and I still don’t get it.

I worked with people who never showed up at a shift without their double double in hand.  I worked with others who had to do a daily Tim’s run.  I served customers who left their empty cups on our shelves, or at the front counter.    That was always a favourite of mine, and it’s not unique.  I’ve shopped at many stores, finding the brown empty cups sitting there on shelves.  Somebody else’s problem, right?

I fail to understand the obsession. Jen has to have one (large decaf with three cream and one sweetener) every single day.  There was an old urban myth (an untrue one) that Tim’s put nicotine in their coffee to keep you hooked.  The only reason that myth has such long life is that Horton’s Addiction (HA) is so prevalent in Canadian society.

Now that Burger King, an American company, has bought out Tim’s, I fear for our friends south of the border.

I see a future littered with brown cups.  I envision our American friends unwittingly becoming addicted to Hortons’ secret brew.  I picture, somewhere in the US, a record store manager not unlike my younger self, pulling empty brown cups from their shelves as I once did.

Just say no to Tim’s.  Make your own coffee at home.  Hell, just drink water!  Don’t fall into the trap of Horton’s Addiction, an affliction for which there is no known cure.

IMG_20141214_171037_editMRS. LeBRAIN’S REBUTTAL

50 years ago, one of the greatest defensemen in NHL history decided to expand his horizons, and open a coffee & doughnut [his spelling] empire.  That man’s name was Tim Horton, and he made a damn good cup of coffee.

One thing that is very special about “Timmie’s” (as we call it) is its consistency.  Your coffee in Kitchener Ontario will come out exactly the same as your coffee in Kitchener BC.

Every coffee drinker has their ideal cup of coffee, and sometimes it takes years to find that combination of cream and sugar that is right for you.  When you do find it, Tim Hortons has dispensing equipment designed to maintain that perfect coffee for you, no matter what size you order it or where you order it from.  (The only exception to this rule is Splenda sweetener which is dispensed by hand from packets.)  Rival chains such as Starbucks make the customer add their cream and sugar themselves, creating human inconsistencies.

I love the texture of the cream; the feeling inside takes me to a special place.  It also doesn’t hurt that they use 18% cream, a treat in itself.

Contrary to the way LeBrain makes it appear, I really do like all kinds of coffee.  My Keurig machine is well used in the LeBrain household, but Tim Hortons is the champion, and whenever possible that brown cup will be in my happy hands.

Even LeBrain himself knows that if he ever does something to get him in shit, a five minute trip to the drive-through can fix the situation!

The two greatest things on this planet are hockey and coffee.  There was a man who brought those two worlds together, and his name was Tim Horton.

#340: A Tribute to Jeff Woods (GUEST SHOT by Uncle Meat)

GUEST SHOT by UNCLE MEAT

JEFF WOODS

RECORD STORE TALES MkII: Getting More Tale
#340: A Tribute to Jeff Woods

When you meet someone who has some sort of “celebrity” status, you almost expect them to be stand-off ish with you. A few years ago Tom and I won the chance as per a radio contest to see an intimate-type interview with Geddy Lee and Alex Lifeson of Rush, which was conducted by Legends of Classic Rock/Q107 radio personality Jeff Woods.  We met Geddy and Alex very briefly and had a quick picture taken. However the true joy of this experience was our meeting afterwards with Jeff Woods.

Alex, Tom, Meat, Geddy

Alex, Tom, Meat, Geddy

He was extremely accommodating to our request of a sound byte for our Sausagefest recordings. He has continued to participate for a few years now and I thought I would post this to show just for appreciation to the man.

After a first try, he himself offers to “take it from the top”. He had known us for all of 30 seconds.  He excused himself to leave to get a pen, and come back and record so he could get it right.

Important side note…became Facebook friends with Mr. Woods a week after this was done. Looking over his timeline,  I noticed a post he put up days before we met him. It read, “Integrity is how you treat people that can do nothing for you”. Good to know someone out there practices what he preaches.