FAMILY GUY – “It’s a Trap!” (2010 20th Century Fox)
First, they did Star Wars. Due to popular demand, they did Empire next. And just as Jedi was the weakest of the original trilogy, so is Family Guy’s version.
The full 57 minute episode “It’s A Trap!”, available on its own for those who only like the Star Wars spoofs, follows the same concept as the first two. Favourite Family Guy characters portray the legendary characters from Star Wars. After two, though, the well seems rather dry. Presumably running out of original characters, they peppered the cast with characters from both American Dad and The Cleveland Show. Rollo Brown, Klaus the Fish and Roger the Alien are some of the characters making a Family Guy appearance in the Star Wars universe.
Still, it must have been awful dry in that well when they were writing this.
“It’s A Trap!” had moments that were as funny as any previous Family Guy Star Wars. Then there were stretches that that were as dull and uninspired as Seth MacFarlane’s worst. It was very much a rocky ride, but luckily the good outweighed the bad in this episode.
Likes:
As always, the surprise of what characters are playing who (which I won’t spoil, google it if you must know).
Many celebrity cameos (again I won’t give you spoilers).
The Emperor rocked.
Looked awesome in 1080p.
Ample bonus features (similar to previous instalments). Even the Trivial Pursuit challenge was fun for one viewing.
Dislikes:
Boring Yoda.
One scene where Peter/Han snaps and torments three Imperial officers…just took it too far.
MacFarlane likes jokes that go on too long, but they didn’t work this time.
Pick it up and complete your trilogy.
Or, you know, just watch it on Netflix.
3/5 stars
And, no — there is next to a 0% chance that Disney will let Seth do any more Star Wars.
Another spin ’round the sun, another basket full of goodies!
Thank you everyone for the birthday wishes. Here are some of my favourites. You might recognise some of these people!
Had a lovely dinner at Borealis with the family & Dr. Kathryn. And so we get to the gifts!
First up! A signed first edition copy of Dr. Ladano’s The Improvising Musician’s Mask: Using Musical Instruments to Build Self-Confidence and Social Skills in Collective Free Improvisation. That’s a mouthful and a generous gift. These books aren’t cheap, even for her! The funny thing is that when I grabbed the wrapped hardcover-shaped package, I said “I hope this is a copy of your book,” but I didn’t actually think it would be out so soon!
Dr. Kathryn also gifted me some music. Ho! It’s Derek Smalls’ debut solo album Smalls Change! Appropriately considering the occasion, it is subtitled Meditations Upon Ageing. I can’t wait to spin this one. She also got me this nifty Worf (Star Trek) not-Lego head. These look great in the office. I have Spock as well.
The lovely Mrs. LeBrain was amazing to me as well. She trekked up to Encore Records where she met my old pals Al “The” King and Chris Boyne. They hooked her up with some live Ghost, on vinyl. This is my first Ghost vinyl. Ceremony and Devotion is a great album, and the vinyl has two “exclusive” songs…that are also on the CD! Anybody know what’s up with that?
It doesn’t really matter. Double live albums have a certain intangible quality that almost always makes them better on vinyl. Scientists have been trying to figure out why that is since the advent of digital media.
Since my wife also dresses me, check out the cool shirts. I think I’m going to wear that getup to work tomorrow. Han Solo and BB-8 look awesome together.
Thanks again everyone for the happy birthday wishes. I keep getting older, and you keep getting awesome-er!
It’s my birthday today so I thought I’d share something special!
The Lost Intro
The original plan, and who knows, maybe still the final destination of Record Store Tales, was to publish a book. I had been working on the book, in spurts, and that’s where the first batch of Record Store Tales originated. The way it was taking shape, I had a number of chapters focused on childhood before starting work at the Record Store. When I posted it all online, Record Store Tales Part 5: The Dream Job was the transition point. In my original drafts it was actually Chapter 11. I figured for the online crowd I should cut to the chase more quickly. But the early chapters are still on disc, including a massive (5500 word) unpublished instalment titled “1986”!
Now, here’s a detail that I forgot about: my original nom de plume!
This is before I acquired the name “LeBrain” via my radio experiences. I remember that only a handful of people had read what would become Record Store Tales, including good ol’ Aaron at the KMA. Via my discussions with Aaron over my work in progress, I decided on the pen-name…Johnny Cock.
I don’t know how much influence Aaron had over that decision, but I can confirm that he must have known about and endorsed my use of the pseudonym Johnny Cock.
Anyway.
The working title before settling upon “Record Store Tales” was actually “Rock, Rock, ‘Til You Drop” (stolen from the Def Leppard song of the same name), though the phrase “record store tales” was already in the text. And, apparently I wrote an intro to the whole thing. So here it is! The unpublished intro to Rock, Rock, ‘Til You Drop by Johnny Cock, later to become Record Store Tales by Mike Ladano.
ROCK, ROCK, ‘TIL YOU DROP
Musings and Tales
Of Growing Up in the 80’s
And Running an Indi Record Store in the 90’s.
By Johnny Cock
Intro
Before we get seriously into the record store tales, I think it’s important for you, the reader, to know who’s talking to you. After all, I’m a real guy and these are real stories. Only the names have been changed to protect the guilty. I’m a bit of a narcissist, and I can’t resist talking about myself even though I’m no more interesting than you. I just think it’s important for you to know who your storyteller is before we get down to the serious business about working in a record store.
So, I trust you will indulge me a few chapters to just talk to you about what it was like growing up in Kitchener, Ontario during the 80’s, getting into heavy metal music, which evolved into managing an indi new/used record store in the 90’s. After all, context is always important. These stories are relevant in the sense that they happened to me, and my reactions are part of the stories, and to fully understand how I react, you have to know a bit about me. I’ve tried to make these introductory tales as entertaining as possible. I hope you can relate, and I hope you enjoy. It’ll be worth it, trust me.
You always wanted to work in a record store? Yeah, me too. That was, until I’d done it for 12 years. By then I had had enough. I had enough of Creepy Danny. I had enough of Crazy Eskimo Woman. I had enough of the Creepy Twins, thieves, bosses, Nickelback, crappy scratched up Dance Mix CDs that were over 10 years old, people throwing shit at me; I just plain had enough.
Now I am out, and I can reflect back with a certain nostalgia. I am Johnny Cock. This is my story.
“I am Johnny Cock”. Am I ever glad I changed that. Jesus!
Obviously, with the latest chapters under the Getting More Tale banner, I’ve gone back to using childhood stories as a major source of material. This has proven to be very popular even though they are sometimes only tangential to music. That’s one of the bonuses to posting the chapters online. I get the instant gratification of feedback, and I can mold future stories around it.
TFCon in Toronto has become another tradition of Sausagefest-scale epic-ness for me. Coming the weekend just after ‘Fest, it help blunts the withdrawal. Jay and I left Kitchener promptly at 8 am. We planned to buy the “early bird” passes that got us onto the dealer floor two hours before general admission. That’s what we did last year, though it’s not really necessary.
I hoped to pick up a specific Toronto exclusive: Maketoys’ “Maestro” (a third party version of Generation 2 Jazz complete with deco), and that was first mission accomplished ($140 from The Chosen Prime). Its lovely clamshell packaging is an homage to its 1993 “G2” counterpart. There was no line for this particular exclusive, and they had lots left by the time we departed around noon.
Maketoys Maestro (aka G2 Jazz)
As usual we had a great time, but with a couple gripes. Last year the early admission came with a shaving kit and a bottle of water — this year nothing! (I’m only partially griping, but I heard two other guys having the exact same conversation as us. And just like us, “I still haven’t used that shaving kit.”)
Our other complaint were the people with the fucking backpacks. Everybody under the age of 30 seemed to be sporting backpacks of varying practicality, but weren’t seeming to be buying things to put in the backpacks. Just as bad: the people in stupid outfits that had nothing to do with Transformers. We saw some witches and some things that were probably anime references, and a few people sporting swords. There was only one Bumblebee, one Prime, and one Ratchet. Optimus Prime’s dad was dressed as Sparkplug Witwicky.
Beast Wars Megatron and Sparkplug Witwicky
To us a lot of people seemed to be there to be “seen” rather than be there for the awesome Transformers. 90% of the floor space is dedicated to collectable robots that turn into stuff. Know what kind of event you’re going to, people!
Bitching aside, we both did well.
Jay bought the cool hologram-looking lights seen in the video above, one each for his two boys. You can hear the creator discuss pricing in the video. Jay also got a great price on a black Encore reissue of G1 Ironhide, just $20.
Jay’s best score: he picked up Fanshobby “Megatooth” (third party G1 Repugnus), a figure I had been eyeing myself. It has chromed plastic mandibles and claws, which is considered a premium finish for figure collectors.
Fanshobby Megatooth (far right)
A look at my purchases below:
Takara Masterpiece MP-15/16-E Cassettebots vs. Cassettetrons. Compatible with MP Soundwave in cassette modes.
KFC Kingzilla (third party MP G1 Snapdragon) with headmaster and triple-changing.
Check out some of the cool sights below. In this gallery: prototypes of figures yet to come, and some customs as well.
And finally, some of the best of the cool stuff for sale.
Jay knows how to do this stuff. I saw him negotiate $20 on a red B.A.P.E. Optimus Prime, and it was done with…art, really. There was an art to it and both guys were happy with the outcome.
With us, we do TFCon right. We won’t make you dodge our backpacks. We’re smart about it. When we buy a couple large items, we take them to the truck and go back in. It’s a Transformers convention, not a campout. And I sure as fuck wouldn’t dress up as a Jedi if I’m going to TFCon.
But whatever! It was fun as these photos show. Can’t wait for next summer.
Sunday morning after Sausagefest, we had to find his phone. Its battery ran out, and he didn’t know where it was. Couldn’t leave without it. There were a few places to look. One of which was “the place he took his last shit”. I was not going to look there. He could search the shit section. We got all hands on deck and started sweeping.
I found the phone…in the car. Crisis averted.
Then, as we were driving up the hill on our way out of the valley, he said “Stop the car.”
“I need to find my shorts. I know I packed them. Better we do this now than worry. Open the trunk.”
Meat went out back and started digging for his shorts. Dig dig dig.
Then he said, “You are going to be so mad at me.”
He got back into the car and said “I’m wearing them.”
Nah, I don’t get mad. I just turn it into a Sunday Chuckle!
I’ve had the same routine for over 10 years: get to work, turn on the radio, and listen. I would occasionally hear new bands that I had to get into. I wouldn’t want to do without Greta Van Fleet, Royal Blood, or A Rebel Few in my life. But every routine eventually gets stale.
For the last several weeks I’ve been trying something different. No matter how much radio tries to shake it up, you are guaranteed to hear certain songs and bands every single day. AC/DC, for example, are a radio staple. You will hear them on rock stations every single day, usually from a pool of 10 to 12 songs. In my regular daily album-listening life, I don’t actually listen to AC/DC that often. In fact, I’m less likely to listen to AC/DC when I hear them on the radio daily.
At the recommendation of Uncle Meat I’ve been loading up flash drives and bringing them to work instead. This has enabled me to not only listen to whoever I feel like, but also given me the ability to play full albums.
The first day without radio was an interesting experiment. In the morning, I played the entire Max Webster The Party box set in its completion. In the afternoon, an album I hadn’t played in years: Neil Diamond’s 20th Century Masters! Part of doing without radio is forcing myself to listen to albums that don’t get regular rotation at home. Especially multi-disc sets. It’s easy to listen to a box set when you’re seated at the same desk for eight hours.
A nice big flash drive means I have hundreds of my favourite albums available at a click, but there are pros and cons.
PROS:
1. The chance to spend my listening time with my own music; hopefully neglected music. 2. Hearing full albums. 3. The ability to “pause” when I am interrupted and have to do something else.
CONS:
1. No traffic or news reports. 2. A feeling of disconnection from the community and friends during the day. 3. Missing those new tunes and rarities that sometimes surprise you on the radio. 4. Going from a stereo radio behind me to a mono speaker in front of me.
It was really weird going without the morning radio news reports at first, but I’m used to it now.
This far into the journey I’ve played virtually every studio album by Kiss and Black Sabbath. I’m working my way through Priest next, and a whole bunch of soundtracks. I actually played Jeff Wayne’s legendary War of the Worlds musical two days in a row, so enthralled was I with the album. Featuring Justin Hayward, Richard Burton, and Philip flippin’ Lynott, it is an album I am glad to have finally caught up on. It’s the kind of thing you need to have the time to play, the more the better.
Hopefully, listening to more albums will enable me to review more albums. The unfortunate thing is not being exposed to new and unfamiliar songs. I’ll just have to rely on readers and other sources for that.
With flash drives by my side, 2018 will be the Summer of the Album. Let’s see how this experiment works!
01 Shake Your Tail Feather – Ray Charles
02 10001110101 – Clutch
03 Burn in Hell – Twisted Sister
04 White Room – Cream
05 Sasquatch – Tenacious D
06 My Thang – James Brown
07 Hocus Pocus – Focus
08 Bullet in the Head – Rage Against the Machine
09 My God – Jethro Tull
10 Time of the Season – The Zombies
11 Carry On – Crosby, Stills & Nash
12 Papa Was a Rolling Stone – Sly & the Family Stone
13 Grendel – Marillion
14 DDPP – Five Alarm Funk
15 Starman – David Bowie
16 Stinkfist – Tool
17 Red Tide Rising – Orange Goblin
18 Child in Time (Made in Japan) – Deep Purple
19 Roadie – Tenacious D
20 The Pot – Tool
21 Livin’ Thing – Electric Light Orchestra
22 A Little Less Conversation – Elvis Presley
23 Killers – Iron Maiden
24 Iceberg – Five Alarm Funk
25 25 Minutes to Go – Johnny Cash
26 Watermelon Man – Herbie Hancock
27 Black Sabbath – Black Sabbath
28 Have a Cigar – Pink Floyd
29 The Most Beautiful Girl in the Room – Flight of the Conchords
30 Seasons in the Abyss – Slayer
31 Ophelia – The Band
32 Hey Ladies – Beastie Boys
33 Tin Foil Hat – Scott Dunbar
34 SpaceGrass – Clutch
35 Glamour Boy – The Guess Who
36 Peace of Mind – Boston
37 Cemetary Gates – Pantera
38 The Zoo (Worldwide Live) – Scorpions
39 Sign of the Gypsy Queen – April Wine
40 Any Way You Want It – Journey
41 Dirty Work – Steely Dan
42 Love Me Like a Reptile – Motorhead
43 Couldn’t Stand the Weather – Stevie Ray Vaughan
44 Waterloo Sunset – The Kinks
45 Dragon Attack – Queen
46 Let There Be Rock – AC/DC
47 Careful With That Axe Eugene – Pink Floyd
48 Afternoon Delight – The Starland Vocal Band
49 Simple Man – Lynyrd Skynyrd
50 Wasn’t That a Party – The Irish Rovers
51 Land of 1000 Dances – Wilson Pickett
52 Kashmir – Led Zeppelin
53 Breakdown – Tom Petty
54 Battery – Metallica
55 Demons Be Gone – Five Alarm Funk
56 I’m My Own Grandpa – Willie Nelson
57 Because I Got High – Afroman
58 Rubbernecker – Grand Funk Railroad
59 Telephone Line – Electric Light Orchestra
60 Fatso Forgotso – Kyuss
61 Lay Down – Priestess
62 Last of the V8 Interceptors – Sheavy
63 In the Summertime – Mungo Jerry
64 Renegade – Styx
65 Rubber Biscuit – The Blues Brothers
66 Black Betty – Ram Jam
67 Try a Little Tenderness – Otis Redding
68 Aces High (Live After Death) – Iron Maiden
69 Saturn III – Fu Manchu
70 Electric Eye – Judas Priest
71 Cortez the Killer – Neil Young
72 If I Only Knew – Tom Jones
73 Light Up – Styx
74 Suicide and Redemption – Metallica
75 My Own Bare Hands – Ween
76 Nowhere Man – The Beatles
77 Street Fightin Man – Street Fighting Man
78 Mouth For War – Pantera
79 Sir Duke – Stevie Wonder
80 California Dreaming – The Mamas and the Papas
81 It’s Late – Queen
82 Fire – Jimi Hendrix
83 The Hardest Button to Button – The White Stripes
84 Touch Too Much – AC/DC
85 Tres Brujas – The Sword
86 Am I Evil? – Metallica/Diamond Head mashup
87 Insane in the Membrane – Cypress Hill
88 Harold on the Rocks – Primus
89 Spin the Black Circle – Pearl Jam
90 Guns Guns Guns – The Guess Who
91 Dissident Aggressor – Judas Priest
92 Ozone Baby – Led Zeppelin
93 Sure Shot – Beastie Boys
94 Emerald – Thin Lizzy
95 The Grudge – Tool
96 Fireworks – The Tragically Hip
97 Cars – Gary Numan
98 What’s Wrong with the World Today – Flight of the Conchords
99 Billion Dollar Babies – Alice Cooper
100 Mr. Roboto – Styx
YNGWIE MALMSTEEN – Trial By Fire: Live in Leningrad(1989 Polydor)
Walk up to the well-schooled rock fan in your group of friends and ask, “What do you think of Yngwie J. Malmsteen?”
Even the ones who don’t like the Swedish Speed Demon’s albums will admit, “except for that one with Joe Lynn Turner; that was pretty good.”
The short-lived Turner lineup did release a live album in 1989. Trial By Fire: Live in Leningrad was accompanied by home video of the same name with more tracks. By 1990, Malmsteen already had a new album and singer named Göran Edman, but only Joe Lynn Turner had the marquee value to bring Yngwie a Billboard top 40 charting record (#40 with Odyssey).
Although Turner can act as a gateway to hear Yngwie for the first time, his stuff can still be pretty off-putting. Just look at the pompous “thank you’s” on the inside sleeve. Sprinkled in with the regular names are da Vinci, Bach, Beethoven, Paganini, HP Lovecraft and Monty Python’s Flying Circus. Come on, Yngwie!
Joe is a versatile singer, which is one reason he’s always been sought after. He effortlessly imbibes the old Yngwie tracks with his own attitude: “Liar”, “Queen in Love”, and “You Don’t Remember” are better with Joe singing. Unfortunately this is marred by a too-loud audience and Yngwie’s always excessive shredding. More often than not, he overplays.
When it works, it works. “Heaven Tonight”, “Queen in Love” and “Deja Vu”, the most melodic songs, click. The instrumentals are good too, like demonstrations of immaculate neo-classical rock. “Far Beyond the Sun” is tightly composed and arranged, though live Yngwie lets the strings fly even more. Listen for some Deep Purple right in the middle of “You Don’t Remember, I’ll Never Forget”, and some Rainbow on “Crystal Ball” too.
Yngwie produced Live in Leningrad himself, and it’s a rather shrill affair with obvious backing tapes on some of the choruses like “Heaven Tonight”. The problem with many Yngwie albums is that you can only listen to so much before ear fatigue sets in. Live in Leningrad is one such album. By the end your brain is exhausted and you have to listen to something from a different end of the spectrum. Even Joe Lynn Turner can’t blunt the aural razorblade effect.
On Friday I was itching to go. I made a post here, critiquing my passenger Uncle Meat for wanting to stop at both Walmart and Value Village before hitting the Sausage Road. He’s a grown man and could be a little better prepared…but I too am a grown man who can admit when he is wrong. And I was wrong. The Walmart and Value Village stops were actually two of my favourite things that happened.
WALMART
“I wanna stop at the Walmart up by St. Jacobs,” said Meat. Cool. I try to make a point of checking the toy section at every Walmart, because it’s the out-of-the-way ones where you can find the rare stuff. I made a beeline and lo! One, two, three, four, FIVE brand new Transformers figures. I grabbed all five and hit the checkout, so excited about my excellent find. These are toys that collectors are having a hard time finding anywhere. This led directly to…
VALUE VILLAGE
“I want something ridiculous,” said Uncle Meat as we hit the T-shirts. Immediately, I spotted an Optimus Prime shirt waiting right there for me, the first shirt we saw. My size! I then found rather quickly a bright orange George Jones “The Living Legend” shirt. It had to come with us to Sausagefest. Finally, after going through just about every shirt in the store, Meat found it like destiny:
These two stops really set the tone for the whole weekend. They were:
One plan that did not come together was my tent, which broke immediately just out of the box. Fortunately you can always count on certain Sausagefesters to always bring gorilla and/or duct tape. The tent weathered both nights.
DAY ONE
The Countdown began promptly at Whenever O’clock and rapidly ticked down 50 + 2 tracks in one night, plus numerous bits and sketches. 50 +2?
We lost one of our own this year and Rush’s “Dreamline” was played in his honour. Many were decked in neon orange in honour of his old orange boiler suit. Troy was a truly good soul, a human being with a solid heart of gold. He always made me feel welcome from my first Sausagefest on, and many years before that too as we had friends in common. “Learning that we’re only immortal for a limited time” was a poignant lyric, but what really made it special was a tribute that Jeff Woods himself recorded for it. The Legend of Classic Rock participated in a sketch/tribute that made eyes wet and some bellies laugh. The tone was flawless and it is truly good to know what integrity looks like up close and personal.
“Dreamline” was not part of the official countdown, nor was a bit that I snuck into my own intro as a part of The Mamas and the Papas’ “California Dreaming”. I sandwiched my personal introduction into Jeff Russo’s “Main Title” from Star Trek: Discovery, a show I’ve been hyping all year long. Russo (of the rock band Tonic) composed a dramatic, striking piece working in elements from the original show. I’m glad to have a chance to showcase it in its entirety, albeit with a long interlude of my shit in the middle.
Don’t forget the two minutes of “improvised scatting”, precisely because Troy would have hated that kind of shit! And it was so funny that I couldn’t breathe for two minutes straight. The Countdown (all a blur to me now) ran from #100 to 91 (10 songs total) with no comedy bits, because Troy always said “Less talk, more rock!” They cut the crap and just played the tunes.
I can tell you that we heard Styx that night (“Mr. Roboto” and “Light Up”), some Five Alarm Funk, Beastie Boys, Metallica, Iron Maiden, Willie Nelson, and…a blur of songs and comedy. There were a few rap tracks this year, certainly a record number. Afroman and Cypress Hill made their debuts. A list is forthcoming.
DAY TWO
50 more tracks to count down.
Uncle Meat was up early (for him) at 9:30, and in great spirits despite a bad back the night before. We made our way to Flesherton where Uncle Meat destroyed the men’s toilet at the Flying Spatula. Emerging from the washroom he announced to the world, “Don’t use the one on the left!” He annihilated the toilet again on our way out, and that of an outhouse on the way back to the farm. I felt bad for the next guy in line waiting to use the outhouse, but Meat made it out of there really quick.
But I digress. The Flying Spatula was a great ol’ time even though the Lamb Lord got mad at me for taking a picture of his food.
Back on the farm, we played a cool game I call “Knife Chucking”. It’s kind of like axe throwing, but more special because those daggers were hand-forged by our very own Chuck. And it was way fun! A knife actually got lost in the dirt, and then plowed over by mistake by tractor. But we found it as a team with a metal detector (for real!) and a rake!
I goaded Dr. Dave to rant some more about the Transformers. Man, he really hates the Transformers. Do not watch this video if you are easily butthurt!
The second night commenced with lamb, perfectly marinated and cooked to medium by our chef the Lamb Lord. It was gone so fast that Uncle Meat didn’t even get a slice.
The rock resumed. The Blues Brothers was #1…Clutch #2…and Twisted Sister at #3 with “Burn in Hell”. More Five Alarm Funk, Queen, Tool…just a blur of songs. But probably most impressive to some of us: “Grendel” by Marillion, in its entirety. A 17-minute track within the top 20, and yet momentum was strong.
I have a literal Meat-ton of a video to sift through, but with perfect weather and setting, Sausagefest 2018 was once again utopia on Earth.
And a big, big, big thank you to Jeff Woods, the real Legend of Rock and Roll, for helping us out this year. Meat sent you a personal gift as well. I know you’re about 40 kilometers downriver from us in the valley. Uncle Meat kept having to shit that day sir. Meat took a shit in the river, and his shit signal should be with you by now. Mr. Woods, you are a huge inspiration and truly a man among men.
And woman! One woman. Sausagefest has its first woman and she is one of the guys! A massive first that may have been overdue!
My sun baked skin is aching for the comfort of a shower. Enjoy the photos. Lots more to come.
FAMILY GUY – “It’s a Trap!” (2010 20th Century Fox)
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