Summer is here. To quote Glenn Frey, the heat is on. For me, the best part of summer is Sausagefest. I submitted my song list months ago. I have recorded my bits. I have also shorn my mane. Unlike Samson, without my hair I am stronger! In this summer heat, camped out in the Valley, hair is not an asset, even for a metal head.
Uncle Meat, Sausagefest’s esteemed music curator and co-founder, tells me that this year is a complete reboot. For the first time in years, they have ditched the exclusions list, so all songs were on the table for votes. In prior years, we would have a list of songs that had been used before that could not be voted for again. This year, even perennials like “Tom Sawyer” were up for votes. It’s going to be an interesting weekend.
As for actual prep, I’ve bought a new tent. I have my Coleman Biowipes. My cooler is at the ready and I bought a fucking machete.
From the Gene Simmons Song Factory, heeeeere’s Keel!
Like many Gene Simmons productions, Keel’s The Right to Rock bears his name on a few writing credits. The rest of the songs are basically reworkings of tracks from Keel’s first album Lay Down the Law. That album, like Ron Keel’s debut with Steeler (featuring one Yngwie J. Malmsteen) were on Shrapnel. For the A&M Records debut, they pulled out the big guns. They got Gene Simmons in all his wig-ness, and put out a very corny but tremendously fun music video.
It is “America 1989”, and rock and roll is outlawed. “Those who are apprehended suffer severe consequences.” Can our young teenage Keel lookalike get away from the rock police? Quiet Riot did something similar with their “The Wild and the Young” video a year later. It’s corny fun.
The song too is corny fun. I guess it’s a classic now. It has that stock heavy metal riff that you need: something Motley Crue or the Scorpions would be comfortable with. It has that rebellious rock theme that was so prominent in the 80’s. It has a shoutalong chorus. “You got it! The Right to Rock!” Hey, I grew up in a Catholic school. I know what this is about. “Don’t let anyone tell you how to live your life!” I had a teacher call me out on the first day of school for wearing a Judas Priest T-shirt. I could relate to this song in a big way when I was 13.
It should be noted that Gene Simmons, as a producer, is not known for his sonics. The Right to Rock sounds pretty good for the period, but the drums ring shallow and weak. There’s not much presence for the bass guitar, and the backing vocals are the typical rock mush. That’s what you get with Gene behind the console.
“Back to the City” has a good Priest-like chug to it. I think Keel were going for something middle of the road with their music, like Priest-meets-Scorps-meets-Crue-meets-Kiss. If so, this hit the mark. Ron’s vocals are overwrought but that’s his style. If you don’t like that kind of vocal, you won’t like Keel.
Kinda stinky is “Let’s Spend the Night Together”. You know, I still gotta give the guys credit. They have made this into a pretty fine pop metal song. If you didn’t know the song, you’d assume it’s an original, in the pop metal genre. So from that perspective, I think it’s kinda cool. Stinky and cool — like good gorgonzola.
“Easier Said Than Done” was written by Simmons/Weissman, the same team responsible for much of the Animalize album. The lyrics even reference “Russian Roulette”, a song title Gene had been toying with for years. (A song called “Russian Roulette” was finally release on Sonic Boom.) So, guess who “Easier Said Than Done” sounds like? That’s right — it is a dead ringer for Simmons-style Kiss. And it’s actually a pretty good song. The problem is Ron’s Gene impression. I can’t help but chuckle at his dead-on Gene vocals. I dare you to refrain from a giggle yourself. Same deal with “So Many Girls, So Little Time”. Kiss fans will recognize that’s a line recycled from the Kiss song “Burn Bitch Burn”.
Onto side two, “Electric Love” is a Keel original, but you immediately notice that the song isn’t as immediate as the two previous Simmons tunes. “Speed Demon”, another original, sounds exactly as the title implies. Quality-wise, it’s only at “Priest outtake” level (Defenders of the Faith era). Then it’s back to Simmons outtakes, with “Get Down”, the weakest of the Simmons songs by a long shot. “You’re the Victim (I’m the Crime)” is a Gene-like title, but this too is a Keel tune. It’s in the same vein as “Speed Demon”, and the same level of quality.
It’s fun to revisit The Right To Rock periodically…but sparingly.
RECORD STORE TALES MkII: Getting More Tale #406: All of the Aerosmith…
The following challenge was posted to me by reader chrisjcombs:
“I humbly request an entry that ranks —- in order of your preference —- Aerosmith’s entire discography. I would love to see where you’d place albums like Rock in Hard Place and Night in the Ruts when lined up against the likes of Just Push Play, Nine Lives, Get A Grip, etc.”
Having recently re-listened to virtually all of the Aerosmith, in order for my Box of Fire series of reviews, I had to oblige.
In order to give some ground rules to Chris’ request, I will have to stick to studio albums. I don’t own A Little South of Sanity, so for the purposes of this list, I will exclude live releases. I also don’t have all the different greatest hits, so I’ll leave those out too. What’s left is 15 studio albums. Since I’ve reviewed most of these albums already, I won’t be adding too much in terms of commentary. Let’s give’r!
After some deliberation here’s all of the Aerosmith, from worst to best:
I think Nine Lives is a real underdog of an album — a latter-day gooder, that often gets lumped in with shit like Just Push Play. Pump, in my opinion, is Aerosmith as close to a peak as possible, and very close indeed to the top of the pyramid. Sonically and song-wise, I think Pump is as F.I.N.E. fine as anything the did in the 1970’s!
I hope you enjoyed this list, and thanks to Chris for the suggestion!
This review comes by request of, well, several readers. Done With Mirrors was Aerosmith’s first record on their new deal with Geffen. That means it wasn’t included in the massive 13 disc Box of Fire that I reviewed recently. I intended to get around to Done With Mirrors anyway, but the reader anticipation adds an interesting sort of pressure.
I know some people hold this album in high esteem. “36 minutes of classic Aerorock,” said one reader. I know that Done With Mirrors is a bit of a cult favourite album in some ways. The band ignore all but one song in their live sets, but some fans have loved it since it came out. I think it’s possible that some readers, knowing my love for underdog albums, are hoping I’m going to come out with some really appreciative glowing observations about the album.
The fact of the matter is, I’ve never been a fan of this album. “Let the Music Do the Talking” is probably my second favourite Aero-tune ever, right after “Chip Away the Stone”. As an album, I have always found Done With Mirrors to be so-so at best, and I’ve never really warmed up to it over the years. Why is that?
I decided to do something different for this review, and listen to the album as background music while working on something else. I came away with some strong impressions, so I immediately gave it another listen. Rather than go song-by-song, I’d rather just talk about the feeling I get from the album now.
I used to think the production (by Ted Templeman) sucked. I think it could use some embellishment, but hot damn! Aren’t Joey’s drums sounding fucking awesome? Yes they are. I’d say Joey’s the MVP on Done With Mirrors, as he is so rock solid consistent right through!
I used to think the songs (all but “Let the Music Do the Talking”) were pretty much just crap. I think anyone would have to admit that these are not the catchiest tunes Aerosmith have ever written in their storied career. They do, however, rock. They rock hard. “My Fist Your Face” is exactly what it sounds like — a fist right in your face!
I used to think that Steve and the band sounded tired compared to the earlier material, or what came after. I still think that’s true, but even tired, Aerosmith were capable of blowing out the speakers with bluesy riffs and Steve’s scats. If you pay attention to the lyrics, you’ll hear that Steve’s as sassy as ever. I love the name-dropping of “Joe Perry, oooh Mr. Style.”
Compared to, say, Pump, Done With Mirrors doesn’t fare too well. Letting it stand on its own and just enjoying it as a batch of rockers, it’s actually not as bad as I remembered. Maybe all these years I just haven’t been letting it in.
Big surprise: How swampy and cool “She’s On Fire” is. No idea why it never clicked with me before. I can say the same for a few songs on this album. While very few would make my own personal road tapes, there aren’t any to skip. It’s a fair chunk of solid, hard rocking Aerosmith. No ballads, no fluff, no embarrassing forays into other genres.
Finally, gotta love the cover art and double meaning. I’ve always been fond of the packaging way before hearing the album.
What happened to the good ship King Kobra? Hilarious misspelled name, silly coordinated hair colours (all but veteran drummer Carmine Appice, who complimented their red and blonde with his red and black), and production by the guy who brought you Quiet Riot — what could possibly go wrong? They even had their own “kobra” signature hand gesture, and weird complementary stage moves in an expensive music video.
When you have lyrics like, “I’m ready to strike, I’m cocked and loaded tonight,” but you’re not David Lee Roth or Gene Simmons, you’re already fighting an uphill battle. Carmine saw the sudden success of bands like Quiet Riot, and decided “why the hell not”? He picked up some great players for this project. Bassist Johnny Rod ended up in W.A.S.P. later on. David Michael-Phillips played with Lizzy Borden after Kobra. Mick Sweda formed BulletBoys. Mark Free formed Unruly Child, and ultimately became Marcie Free. She still fronts Unruly Child today. Meanwhile Carmine Appice reformed this lineup of King Kobra, substituting in Paul Shortino for Free, and getting good reviews for it.
So talent aside, there’s no worries there. There are two major issues with this record. One: the muddy Spencer Proffer production which lays a muffly blanket over the band. All but Appice of course, who bears a very Frankie Banali-like sound on this album. The guitars are empty transistor radio renditions of what guitars should sound like. Two: filler material kept Ready To Strike from fulfilling its potential.
It’s not all filler of course — much of it is damn good. The first three tracks in a row (“Ready to Strike”, “Hunger”, and “Shadow Rider”) are all really good, actually. Famously, “Hunger” became a minor hit, although it was actually written by Canada’s Kick Axe, and recorded by them under the name Spectre General, for Transformers: The Movie in 1986! I prefer the King Kobra version, because Mark Free really nailed that vocal.
Other decent tunes include “Shake Up”…I mean, it’s OK. It has a good pre-chorus, “And the beat goes on and on and on…”, but the lines about home work and yard work were pretty goofy even back then. Like that one, “Tough Guys” is also a good tune (mid-tempo mellow rocker) sunk by a bad lyric. “The world’s greatest lie, is that all of us tough guys don’t cry.” No thanks, not cranking that one with the windows down.
Crummy tunes: “Attention”, “Piece of the Rock”, “Breakin’ Out” and “Dancing With Desire”. Stinky. I can’t decide how I feel about the overwrought “Second Thoughts”.
Overall: Middle of the road album that neither astounds nor repulses. It has enough good tunes to warrant a place in my collection. How about you?
For Tommy Morais’ excellent 4/5 star review of this album,click here, and to skip directly to the comment that started it all,click here!
GUEST REVIEW by academic and rock fan “Jesse A. Jones”*
EUROPE – War of Kings (2015 UDR)
The Swedish rock band Europe stormed onto the charts in the mid 1980’s with uplifting keyboard oriented pop rock, written by singer and founder Joey Tempest, a golden fluffy-haired gifted soul. Then their slide down the charts began. Albums like Out of This World sold fewer and fewer copies and the band finally broke up in the early 90’s, amid rumours that even their own mothers now preferred The Hives.
Unfortunately for fans and the band, these would be the last great albums Europe would make! The fact that mainstream rock magazines still praise Europe is shocking nonsense. It’s hard to believe anyone buys that stupidity! There has not been a real “Europe” in 26 years! It’s a conspiracy involving many producers, record label execs, musicians, writers, FIFA and the worldwide media cartel as a whole. The Bilberbergers know but say nothing, while the Rothschilds remain silent. I have proof written on the back of a beer mat that in 1994 Matt Groening was forced to rewrite a Futurama episode that obliquely referenced the scandal. Shadowy elements of the secret world government have stifled independent thought and critical opinions, ensuring we will all remain unquestioning and loyal, to both our governments and rock bands alike!
Well, ladies and gentlemen it is my sworn duty to tell you the truth and I will not be silenced, or my integrity bought for 30 pieces of record company silver!
The problem is the Europe of today has nothing in common with the real group Europe that topped the charts in 1987. Literally. Committing a conspiracy of great scale, they have been secretly and knowingly touring with an imposter singer since 1989! Their last horrible and fake albums (lifeless and without soul) were not written by the real Joey Tempest. Without Joey’s talent and unique abilities, the band is a lost joke; twisted and sad – imagine, it would be like Deep Purple without Nick Simper – just unthinkable!
The truth remains shrouded in mystery. The only details now known, thanks to a covert informant “C.A.”, is that the imposter Joey forced out the real Joey sometime in 1989, using a complex web of lies and half-truths. Plastic surgeons and vocal coaches helped the fake Joey in his goals, and were paid off for their silence, or disappeared. Some say that the real reason that the late celebrity plastic surgeon Dr. Fredric Brandt suffered from depression was keeping this whole thing secret. Then, having successfully replaced Joey without anyone noticing, Europe continued to tour with a new voice and face fronting the band, raking in millions. It is quite remarkable that very few fans have noticed this imposter. “Joey’s” voice changed on 1991’s Prisoner’s in Paradise album but the complicit media have either ignorantly or purposely covered it up. Fans have wondered why Joey’s hair style and hair colour changed on that album, assuming it was just a superficial change. Little did they know that the head and face behind the hair had also changed! Joey would NEVER let his hair go flat like that! Wake up people!
Europe with the imposter have made a semi-successful go of it, edging themselves towards world domination, even placing third in Sweden’s Got Talent in 2013, but for an unknown, sinister purpose. True fans, distinguishable from the herd by their password ‘Cherokee – marching on the trail of tears’, who know and appreciate the talents of the real Joey, have wondered what happened, but no-one listens. As for the fake fans, how could YOU do this to the real Joey? How could YOU not even notice this shadow of a Joey up there on stage singing fake odes to “Carrie”? Shame on the fans, and most of all shame on the band for not stopping this charade 26 years ago!
Just look at the songs here! “Children of the Night”. The real Joey would never have written a song about “children of the night”, “California 405” is the highway that O.J. Simpson was chased down – a definite clue that there was something more going on here than meets the eye! Why would Europe specifically reference that notorious highway unless they were implying some sort of wrongdoing behind the scenes?
Just listen to the song “Praise You” on this album. As if the real Joey would have written “Praise You”! This rude, obscene imposter has terrible lyrics and evil facial expressions. He is a demonic devil from hell who only cares for himself, not the fans and certainly not the spirit of the original Joey – with the voice, face and hair of an angel. The real Joey gave the fans everything he had. His reward was being ousted by an imposter who now receives all the love and praise from ignorant and deceived “fans” who are too stupid to notice the difference. His only goal in this world is to lie and fool as many fans as possible while he laughs raking in the money! No talent, no soul, no voice! That’s the fake Joey right there. Just listen to War Of Kings, it’s as if he and the whole band are actively setting out to destroy the affection of the fans and ruin the legacy of the band as a whole. Well I won’t sit idly by and let this happen! No sir!
Some will say, “Well you are wrong. His hair and voice change with style and age.” No. Look at his eyes. They are not the same eyes, you can see the yawning chasms of hellfire deep in those pupils. Joey tried to warn you what was happening. Read the lyrics to “Stranger on the Track”! Make sense now? Joey was warning you that “danger” was on his back and nobody listened. Joey stood for love and the truth! Long live love! Long live the truth! One day Joey will return and prove this all to be true, with the original angelic voice of Europe!
It is hard though to bear this burden, sometimes even I start to doubt, but then I only have to look down at the words tattooed on my thigh; words of inspiration, words of power, the real Joey’s words and I find the strength to go on, in his name.
Rock now, rock the night
‘Til early in the morning light
Rock now, rock the night
You’d better believe it’s right.
No rating
* Professor Emeritus of Applied Conspiracy at the University of Punkeydoodles Corners and author of ‘Paul Is Dead: The Amazing Beatles Conspiracy’, ‘Lennon Lives! Why John Isn’t Dead’ and ‘George! Satan’s Favorite Beatle’.
RECORD STORE TALES MkII: Getting More Tale Report: Aux 33 Tours in Montréal
My sister, bass clarinetist Kathryn Ladano, just completed the east coast leg of her Canadian tour last month. This was followed by a western leg, but while returning home from the east there was a stop in Montréal. Kathryn is a collector too, though not to the extent that I am. She doesn’t need the physical musical media in her daily life like I do. She still collects some of her favourite bands, and has recently started buying vinyl. While in Montréal, she visited a record store called Aux 33 Tours, located at 1373 Mont-Royal Est. According to their website, it is the largest record store in the city. She emailed me the following day, May 27, raving about the store. I’ll let her take it from here! Enjoy the pictures.
I found the most amazing record store in Montréal yesterday! I found almost all The Spoons’ albums on LP, including ones that aren’t available on CD. I also found a promo live album by them that didn’t have a proper cover because it wasn’t supposed to be sold. They were all dirt cheap – like $2 – $7. One of them was autographed and personalized “To Martin”! [Fortuitously, her husband is also named Martin!] I also got Kid A on record. Kid A and Sgt. Peppers are reissues with heavy packaging. They had an original Sgt Peppers, but the reissue was cheaper, so I got that.
I spent about $140. Which I think is good for that many albums! Note: the Simon and Garfunkel and Gord Downie ones are Martin’s.
I’d also like to point out how rare that Bryan Adams single is. He really tried to bury that song! Watch the video, you’ll hear why. (They sped up his voice which gives him a Chipmunks sound.)
And finally, gratuitous photos of Schnauzers and Starfleet collars:
Part 3 of 3 in this week’s Helix miniseries. The original review was posted in August 2012, but this is completely new and improved!
HELIX – No Rest For the Wicked (1983 EMI)
Finally! The big break came, after nearly 10 years of hard work. The trick was re-branding Helix as a “metal band” instead of a plain old bar rock band. An early video for “Heavy Metal Love” was filmed in T-shirts and jeans. It was only after they switched to leather clothing and a more “metal” image, did people start to take notice. “Heavy Metal Love” was re-filmed for a more metallic music video, and Helix were more or less off to the races. They had a boost from CanCon rules, which meant the video went into rotation on MuchMusic.
“Heavy Metal Love”, written in a crummy hotel room in Seaforth Ontario, is an ode to Joan Jett; or rather a fantasy about Joan Jett. It remains as fun now as it was then. Helix re-recorded the tune in 2006 for their Get Up EP, but it is this version produced by Tom Treumuth that has become timeless. Indeed, it was chosen for the wedding scene in theTrailer Park Boys movie that same year. It’s still a great groove, and a whole lot of fun.
“Fun” is a great word to describe Helix’s music in general, and No Rest For the Wicked is perhaps their strongest effort, at least from their years on Capitol Records. It is true that I gave Breaking Loose (1979) high praise and a 5/5 star rating, but No Rest is easier to sink your teeth into on just one listen.
Helix in 1983 consisted of:
Brian Vollmer – lead vocals
Brent “the Doctor” Doerner – guitar
Paul Hackman – guitar
Mike Uzelac – bass
Greg “Fritz” Hinz – drums
The only lineup change this time was the drum seat. Leo Niebudek departed, and was replaced by Fritz Hinz, ex-Starchild. (Starchild’s claim to history is an early single produced by some unknown guy named Daniel Lanois. Fritz played on their later, uber-rare Children of the Stars album.) With Hinz, the band had acquired an easy-to-love showman who had the chops required. I shall never forget the sight of Fritz’s buttless chaps, giving us the moon at a 1987 concert.
Even though I hold Breaking Loose in very high esteem, No Rest For the Wicked is probably just as good, but in a different way. The new heavier direction didn’t alienate their old fans, but it did gain them plenty of new ones. It seemed a lot of kids on my street had a copy of this LP or cassette. It’s more than just the one song — every track is great, every single one of ’em. The title track still serves as Helix’ show opener. Live, they change part of the lyrics to “Ain’t no rest for the Helix band!” It’s true! It’s an unrelenting and cool metal assault. But again…plenty fun.
Need some party rock? Look no further than “Let’s All Do It Tonight”. Listen to that one, and then try to forget the chorus! If you like that kind of melodic hard rock, then you’ll probably also dig “Don’t Get Mad Get Even”, the second (much less seen) video made for the album.
Need some sleeze? Then “Check Out the Love”, before you do the “Dirty Dog”. Both songs are killer grooves. “Dirty Dog” never fails to make the setlists today. It is suspended by a killer riff and Vollmer’s shredded vocal cords. And let’s not forget “White Lace and Black Leather”. (Like they did with the track “Breaking Loose”, Helix put the title song on the next album!) This is about as dirty as they get, and I love it.
Need a ballad? Naw, didn’t think so. But just in case, Helix put on a ballsy one, in “Never Want To Lose You”. Sounds wimpy, yes, but it has the guitars and heavy chorus necessary to keep you from losing your cool.
Need a boost of adrenaline? Then the doctor prescribes “Ain’t No High Like Rock ‘N’ Roll”. Kicking up the pace a few notches, it still retains that Helix knack for melody.
Also recommended, chase this with the live album called Live In Buffalo, which was recorded for radio shortly afterwards. It has high-octane live versions of most of these tracks as well as a sneak preview of the next album, Walkin’ the Razor’s Edge.
I think this one sounds particularly good on vinyl. Gimme an R!
Having already done it once themselves, why not do it again? Once again Helix with manager Bill Seip raised the funds to record an independent album. Drummer Brian Doerner was gone, replaced by Leo Niebudek. On bass, Keith “Bert” Zurbrigg hung around long enough to record one new song (“It’s Too Late”). He was replaced by the young, talented and troubled Mike Uzelac. He was only 17 when he first joined Helix. He told them he was 19.
Sticking to the same formula as Breaking Loose, there is really no deviation in sound. Some members have changed but little else. The band still managed to come up with enough good material to fill an album to follow the first. I don’t know if the track “Breaking Loose” was a leftover from the first album or not, but quality-wise there is nothing “leftover” about it. I would call it a typical Helix party rocker: a fast one, often used back in the day to open their sets. The lyrics are the kind of thing that Helix were about: the weekend!
“4 O’clock Friday afternoon, Punch that time clock, now you’ll be home soon, Your week’s all done, now it’s time to roll, You’re like a time bomb about to explode.”
Vollmer reminds us “You only got two days, so make it last,” a philosophy I heartily agree with. Brent Doerner and Paul Hackman lay down a pair of ripping guitar solos for the icing on the cake. Then “It’s Too Late” is the kind of melodic mid-tempo rocker that their first album was loaded with. Surely something like “It’s Too Late” could have worked on the radio, and I think that was the intent. That takes away nothing from the song, which is classy with quality.
“Long Distance Heartbreak” at almost seven minutes is Helix’s longest song ever. In the early days they tended to experiment with their songwriting, coming up with the odd mini-epic. Like many Helix classics, this one reads as a road song. Thin Lizzy they were not, but Vollmer captures the heartbreak in their lyrics while Doerner and Hackman take care of the guitar drama.
Helix get even more serious for a moment with “Time For a Change”, and “Hangman’s Tree” also brings a few issues to the table. “Time For a Change” is sadly even more valid today.
“Everyday there’s a new headline, Another war and another lie, When will we learn to stop this killing while we can?”
It’s interesting that Helix didn’t seem to know their direction yet, but still infused every song with their bare honesty. They were riding a line between a party band and a more serious, more experimental rock band. In the end they chose the route that they were intended for, but that takes nothing away from these early songs. “Time For a Change” and “Hangman’s Tree” are unexpectedly ambitious for a young bar band from Canada. In each case, it is the guitar work that elevates the songs.
“It’s What I Wanted” lightens the mood, a mid-tempo rocker with a great melody. I don’t know why it is, but these melodic rock songs really sound like home to me. They conjure images of a more innocent time, when the world seemed smaller to me. They capture and bring back hazy, happy pictures of Kitchener in the late 70’s.
Brent Doener comes back with his only lead vocal on the track “Mainline”. Sounds like Brent was having no trouble getting satisfaction back then. “She keeps me happy, what can I say?” he sings, lamenting that his lady keeps him up all night and late for work in the morning! “Pick up my cheque at the end of the day, I find I’m down a couple hours’ pay.” So in essence, “Mainline” is about choices. You can either have tons and tons of sex at all hours of the day, or get to work on time. It’s your choice, people!
“Women, Whiskey & Sin” is pretty simple in its message. This smoking track is more like Helix would evolve on later albums like No Rest For the Wicked. “Ain’t no laws to hold us back on a Saturday night,” sings Brian Vollmer. (Hate to tell ya Brian, there actually are laws about some of the things you boys were doing back in the day!) Then “Thoughts That Bleed” is a proggy, slow closer with lots of dynamics, similar to how Helix ended the first album with “Wish I Could Be There”.
Ultimately there is no question that Helix made the right move to drop some of these softer, more progressive moments and focus on the heavy metal side of their sound. It got them signed to Capitol Records and secured their biggest hits. That leaves these first two albums as evidence of an earlier, more naive Helix willing to stretch out a bit more.
mikeladano.com 