Mr Moustachio’s Multitude of Marvellous Multiversal Misadventures: Tales From The Multiverse Chapter 4: Homeward Bound by Harrison Kopp

by Harrison Kopp

Mr Moustachio’s Multitude of Marvellous Multiversal Misadventures
Tales From The Multiverse

 

Homeward Bound

Brainiac II looked out the window. It had been cloudy earlier, but it had cleared up since. The sun shone low on the horizon, painting a hazy shade of winter across the sky as the final bits of cloud dispersed.

Blast it. He thought to himself. If I don’t hurry up I’m going to miss the sunset.

Ever since the Calamity, nothing has been the same.  Especially sunsets.

“Jen…” he whispered solemnly.  She would have loved these sunsets.

No-one ever found out where the sickness originated.  There were theories, conspiracy and otherwise.  In the beginning, it felt like the flu.  Within weeks, it was on every continent except Antarctica.  There was a race for a vaccine, but as the months wore on, it never materialized as promised.  The death toll rose until, eventually, half the population was decimated.  Then, the virus burned out as quickly as it came.  There hasn’t been a confirmed case in a year.

Sometimes the Brainiac wondered why he lived when everyone else he knew didn’t.  Something in his genes, or just dumb luck.  Or bad luck, he thought.  Sometimes he dreamed that Jen was still here, but just…away.  Away in space, in orbit, or on the moon.  Just out of communication.  He both loved, and hated those dreams.

Back to reality.

He put the last few jars away in the cupboard, making sure everything was in order.

Parsley, sage, rosemary and thyme. All as it should be.

He was finally done in the kitchen. The 7 o’clock news was coming over the radio, something or other about the current boxing champion. But Brainiac II didn’t really care at the moment. It was all just voices of old people to him.

He stepped outside into the winter evening. The sunset was beautiful this night. One of the best he had ever seen. It would have looked amazing from above.

He sat on the bench, gazing out over the lake as the sun dipped over the horizon. It was so serene. A squirrel sat in the ground next to him, eating a nut. A sparrow flew overhead, finding a tree to rest for the night.

With the sun fully below the horizon now, Brainiac II decided it was time to go inside, and turned back into the night. And that’s when he noticed something odd. He couldn’t hear anything but the sound of silence.

A too silent night, now that you think about it.

The cool night air touched his skin as he peered out into the forest. The darkness concealed much, but he knew these woods well. It was unlikely someone would have been able to find him here.

But Brainiac II couldn’t shake the feeling that something was off. He listened out, more closely this time. Now, very faintly, he could just make out what sounded like a car’s engine.

That’s odd. he thought to himself. Mrs Robinson’s the only one who still lives nearby, but she doesn’t have a car.

The sound came a little closer, and then stopped. Brainiac II crouched down, peering out into the gloom. And he didn’t have to wait long to find out who it was.

Out of the brush stepped a most peculiar man. A long-haired man with a moustache. Brainiac II froze cold. He recognised this man. He was older here, but this was the man from his dream. The man who killed him.

The man who, right now, also saw Brainiac II.

“Hey, are you alright?” he called out to the Canadian in the bushes.

“If you think false sincerity is going to get you the jump on me, you are sorely mistaken,” Brainiac II said, standing up straight.

“Brainiac…?” Moustachio said. “Boy you’re a sight for sore eyes. I’m so relieved to see you.”

“Oh I’ll bet you are. Are you here to finish the job? One half of us wasn’t enough for you?” the Canadian sneered.

“Hey, my name’s Harrison Holden, and you’re my friend the Brainiac,” Moustachio said, trying to remind Brainiac II of a connection the Australian had with the original Brainiac.

“Lies! Deceit! I saw what you did. You may have aged, but I recognise you, plain as day.”

“I don’t know what you think you saw, but I’ve been gone for almost a year. And I would never hurt you,” the Australian man said, holding a hand out for the Canadian.

Maybe it was the soft-spoken nature of the Australian, or the way in which he seemed to genuinely believe the words he was saying. Or maybe it was just Brainiac II wanting to believe the words were true. The Canadian cautiously clasped the Australian’s hand in a handshake.

“So tell me, why did you think I was going to attack you?” Moustachio quizzed him.

“Well, last night I had the strangest dream. And I’m not entirely sure that it was just a dream. I saw a man…he looked just like you, except for the moustache. And he was a little younger too. He killed me. I think he knew me before that, too.”

“Well, I wouldn’t say ‘killed’ just yet,” rang out a voice from the darkness. “But it is on my to-do list for the day.”

The two men instantly snapped into action, back-to-back and scouring the darkness with their eyes. Neither could pinpoint the source of the voice yet.

“And what a treat to finally get the chance to end my ‘father’s’ life too,” the voice continued, seemingly coming from all around.

Moustachio pulled his new space-metal boomerang from his holster.

“Don’t count on it.”

“Oh, I love it when they try to fight back,” gloated Shinzon, the evil clone of El Moustachio, as he sauntered out from the darkness. He ignited an emerald green lightsaber, and dropped into a fighting stance. Moustachio positioned himself between Shinzon and Brainiac II.

The two opponents circled one another, occasionally feinting or lunging in an attempt to draw the other into committing to an attack.

Eventually Moustachio thought he saw an opening, and threw his boomerang.  Shinzon just reacted in time, raising his lightsaber to knock the thrown metal blade into the ground beside him.

Shinzon charged at the now-defenceless Moustachio, but the Australian had expected this. Moustachio had run forward too, meeting Shinzon before the latter man had fully readied his blade for an attack. Taking advantage of the momentum, Moustachio slid forward, knocking Shinzon’s legs out from under him.

Shinzon got to his feet, now in a slight panic, and looked around for his opponent. But instead he spotted Brainiac II right nearby him. A cruel smile crossed his lips.

“This was the very lightsaber the original Brainiac tried to kill me with. How poetic, it will be the weapon to kill you. It almost rhymes.”

And he swung his lightsaber down at Brainiac II.

Moustachio had blocked the slash with his boomerang, holding back the might of his dark reflection. Sparks flew from where the two weapons met, but Moustachio held firm. The forgemaster was right – his weapon would not fail him.

Mustering all his strength, he pushed back, and Shinzon was sent staggering backward. Moustachio cast a quick glance to Brainiac II to make sure he was alright, in which time Shinzon had recovered and brought his blade back up to guard.

“Hahaha!” the clone cackled. “Is that really all you’ve got?”

But before either of the two men could continue the fight, the ground in front of them shattered with an ear-splitting crack. The two faced each other, both somewhat unsure how to proceed.

Then a deep voice bellowed out from seemingly nowhere.

“YOU CANNOT HIDE ANYMORE! YOUR DOOM IS AT HAND, WORM!”

Shinzon frantically looked around the night sky, terrified. Moustachio spied this and pressed the man for information.

“What is this? I know you know!”

Shinzon turned to him, the colour drained from his face and not even caring that they were fighting just seconds ago.

“Unicron. He’s found me.”

A chill ran down Moustachio and Brainiac II’s spines. They both recognised that name, and they both knew the incredible destructive potential. And then they saw it. Right there in the night sky, taking up almost their entire view.

A large chunk of the Earth broke away from the crust and flew upwards towards the giant mouth in the sky. A small town could be seen on the rock. It had to be home to ten thousand people, maybe more. All gone now.

Brainiac II was in shock, still trying to comprehend the reality that Unicron was real. Moustachio turned back to face Shinzon. Despite the fact that the man across the chasm had just tried to kill them, Moustachio still thought he deserved better than to be devoured by the god of chaos.

“What about you? Can you even escape this planet?””

“Don’t worry about me. I think I know somewhere they can’t find me,” Shinzon yelled over the abyss before disappearing into the darkness. Moustachio turned to Brainiac II.

“Come on, we have to be quick. My car’s not far from here”, he said, breaking into a run.

“Your car?” Brainiac II asked, more than a little quizzically.

“It’s no ordinary car,” Moustachio replied.

With Moustachio guiding them both as he retraced his steps, they found the car before it could be swallowed up by the crumbling earth below. They both jumped in, not even bothering with seat belts, and Moustachio floored it.

The ground began to crack under them, racing along with the car. Fissures of lava spurted out of brand new “potholes” in the ground. Moustachio weaved around them, all the while continuing to increase his speed.

An orange explosion engulfed the car. Moustachio closed his eyes, daring not to look. After a few seconds of engine noise, he slowly opened them.

“Whew.”

Everything was quiet. Around the car was a serene Canadian countryside. No lava, no fire, no giant demonic planet in the sky. To his left Brainiac II was breathing heavily, trying to comprehend what he had just witnessed.

“What is this? A time machine?” the older man finally asked.

“No, even better,” Moustachio replied. “A vehicle for traversing the multiverse.”

“The multiverse?” Brainiac II queried, hardly believing his ears.

“Yep, the times, they are a-changing. But for now they’re going to be a bit more familiar. I think this is it this time. I think I’ve finally made it home.”

“Home…” Brainiac II echoed.

“Yours too now, I think. We used to be old friends. I hope one day I can call you that again”, Moustachio said. “We’ll head to the cottage tomorrow, but for now, let’s find a place to stay for the rest of the night.”

EPILOGUE:  Two months later…

Though Moustachio ached for Australia, he hadn’t minded being away from home in Canada.  It was summer in Canada, while back home it was winter, and Canadian summers were not so bad.

He recalled the night they arrived here, at the Brainiac’s cottage.  It was dusk, but the wooden structure in the trees was exactly how he imagined it.

There was a car in the driveway.  There was a light on inside.  Moustachio and Brainiac II exited the Interceptor and slammed the doors.  This caused a great commotion inside, since company was not expected.  You can imagine the waterworks on the faces of Jen, and Mike’s family, when they saw the living and breathing Brainiac II before them.  They lost their Brainiac a year prior, killed by Shinzon…and their Mike was an identical person to Brainiac II, who had lost his own family.  Everyone was there, even Ripper the Squirrel.  He leapt upon Moustachio’s shoulders and kissed his face, unable to believe that his Australian friend had returned after so long.

After the emotional and teary reunion, Moustachio knew they had to get back to business.  A phone call to Tee Bone Man, whom they discovered had retired after seemingly defeating Shinzon and losing his powers, revealed that there was now a new team of superheroes:  the Northern Lights!  And with the help of their sponsor and de facto leader, Mr. Durling, Moustachio and Brainiac II established a new headquarters.  You couldn’t have asked for a better one than the cottage in the woods.

“I could get used to this,” said Moustachio, surveying all the new equipment they had at hand, feet up in the most serene of surroundings.

“It’s no so bad, huh?” agreed Brainiac II.  “I think I’m finally happy.”

“That’s good to hear,” responded Moustachio.  “Would you mind switching on that screen?  I want to scan for threats, now that Mr. Durling has provided all this new top-secret tech.”

“You got it,” smiled the Brainiac.  “But Unicron aside, you haven’t told me much about what we are up against.”

“Oh, you wait and see!” grinned the Australian.  “We have adventures ahead that will rock your socks off.  Get ready, Brainiac – we’re just getting started!”

TO BE CONTINUED NEXT MONTH in THE ADVENTURES OF THE NORTHERN LIGHTS Chapter One! 

THE ADVENTURES OF TEE BONE MAN:  PHASE ONE – THE SQUIRREL SAGA 

THE ADVENTURES OF TEE BONE MAN:  PHASE TWO – THE MULTIVERSE SAGA

THE ADVENTURES OF THE NORTHERN LIGHTS:  PHASE THREE – THE UNICRON SAGA

  • Chapter One:  Creatures of the Night (by LeBrain)

 

SPINOFFS AND SIDE QUESTS

 

THE COMPLETE ADVENTURES OF EDIE VAN HEELIN’

THE WRITER’S ROOM

#1162: Luta

Expanding upon Record Store Tales #11:  Klassic Kwotes

 

RECORD STORE TALES #1162: Luta

It was 2003, and I was managing the Beat Goes On location on Fairway Road.  A newer employee named Lori was on the shift.  She was great with customer service, but even she could not help the large man with the heavy Caribbean accent that walked into our store that evening.  He was friendly, upbeat…and infinitely frustrating.

“You got any Luta?” he asked Lori.  I always listened to the employee interactions with customers so I could step in when necessary.  This one perked my ears up because I had never heard of any artist named “Luta”.  I had been in the store about eight years at that point and had heard just about every name you can think of, from “DJ Rectangle” to “Who” (not THE Who, not THE GUESS Who, not DOCTOR Who, just Who).  So, when an unfamiliar name came up, I was always willing to help a less experienced employee.

Lori searched “Luta” to no avail, so I stepped over to her terminal to help.

“How do you spell it?” I asked the man.  He didn’t know.  “Loo-tah” is how he pronounced it, with emphasis on the “Loo”.

I said, “Is it L-u-t-a?” to which he responded, “Yeah, man.”  Not that I doubted Lori’s search, but I typed it in, as well as “Lootah” and anything else I could think of.  Our database was alphabetical, so as long as you had the first few letters right, you could scroll up and down and see what was similar.  I found nothing.

“Are you sure it’s Luta?” I asked.  “One name, just Luta?”

“Yeah man,” he responded.  “You don’t know Luta?” he laughed in his accent.

“No I’m sorry, I have never heard of him before,” I responded in the negative.

“‘Dance With My Father’,” said the guy.

Suddenly, it clicked.  “Dance With My Father” was a new hit by Luther Vandross.

Luther.  Luta.  Luther Vandross.

Mystery solved!  The lesson here is, at least know the first and last names of the artist you’re searching for when you walk into a music store!

Bicyclelegs: Marillion – Favourite Song From Each Album – Pt. 1: 1983-1995

I am so excited to appear on Bicyclelegs’ excellent YouTube channel for the first time!  To talk about Marillion is just an extra treat for me.

Bicyclelegs approached me a few weeks ago and asked if I’d be interested in picking my favourite song from each (studio) album.  Immediately I agreed.  Considering the depth of the discography, he decided to split this into two episodes.  This is part one:  the EMI years.  Four albums with Fish, and four albums with Steve Hogarth:

  • Script for a Jester’s Tear
  • Fugazi
  • Misplaced Childhood
  • Clutching at Straws
  • Seasons End
  • Holidays in Eden
  • Brave
  • Afraid of Sunlight

I found myself changing my lists up to the last day, but I think I’m happy with how this turned out.  What you will find in this show is a lot of love for some great songs, a little bit of history, and a lot of great music.

Here is what Bicyclelegs had to say:

Welcome to another episode of Favourite Song From Each Album. In this series we look at the catalogue of an artist and pick our favourite song from each studio album chronologically. Today Mike Ladano from Grab A Stack Of Rock joins me to talk Marillion and pick our favourite songs from the first 8 studio albums (the EMI years). We will come back in a month or two’s time to cover the rest of the catalogue. Enjoy!

 

All Five MAD MAX Films Ranked on Grab A Stack of Rock with Two Australians and One Canadian (Harrison Kopp, Peter Kerr & Mike Ladano)

Harrison promised us rarities, and so he gave us rarities!  From some cool Steelbook DVD, Blu-rays and 3D issues of films, to replica cars and comic books, Harrison brought the goods.  The coolest of his collection is his high-end replica Mad Max interceptor, in limited edition dirty deco, to duplicate its appearance in Mad Max 2 (#221 in a limited edition of 2000).  Harrison is clearly a passionate fan, and his Mad Max collection is quite impressive indeed.  He even had his own custom Lego version of the interceptor to show.

As for the lists:  they were not as controversial as I expected, but there were some surprises.  Peter and I had lists most in common, but what did not come as a surprise was that all three of us had the same #1 film in the Mad Max franchise.

We offered a fair share of critique, but mostly praise for George Miller’s post-apocalyptic saga.  Certain moments in films were singled out for observation and analysis.  We discussed the soundtracks, the visual effects, some controversial CG elements, and of course, the performances of the cast.

If anyone knows the deal about that weird mannequin head strapped to Angry Anderson’s backup, let me know.  I had my own theory which I shared in the show.

Thanks for watching, and if you didn’t, you can catch the show below.

Next week:  interview with ex-Helix drummer Archie Gamble!

Ranking all five MAD MAX Films on Grab A Stack of Rock with Two Australians and One Canadian (Harrison Kopp, Peter Kerr & Mike Ladano)

GRAB A STACK OF ROCK With Mike and the Mad Metal Man
Episode 77:  Ranking the Mad Max Films

“Witness!  I am your redeemer. It is by my hand you will rise from the ashes of this world!”

Please welcome back to the show, Peter Kerr and Harrison Kopp from Rock Daydream Nation!  With two Australians and one Canadian, we hope this will be the most comprehensive (or, “Kopp-rehensive”) Mad Max list show on YouTube.

For the physical media crowd, Harrison promises RARITIES!

Tonight, we rank all five films in the Mad Max universe:  Mad Max, Mad Max 2 (“The Road Warrior“), Beyond Thunderdome, Fury Road, and Furiosa.  I have immersed myself in the Mad Max films, watching the first three twice each in preparation.  Expect a deep analysis and hearty appreciation with a fair share of critique.  If you think you know what will happen tonight…you don’t!

Will Peter Kerr escape the Wasteland intact?  Will Mike Ladano emerge from the Thunderdome as victor?  Will Harrison Kopp go rogue like Furiosa?  Find out tonight for an awesome show that will defy your assumptions.

 

Friday November 8 at 8:00 P.M. E.S.T. / 9:00 P.M. Atlantic.   Enjoy on YouTube or on Facebook!

Rock Daydream Nation: ELP – Brain Salad Surgery – First Time Listener (AKA “out of my comfort zone!”)

Out of my comfort zone indeed!  This show has been a long time in the making.  I first bought my deluxe edition of Brain Salad Surgery by ELP many months ago, strictly for this show.  Peter gave me several weeks to absorb it.  Then I was gifted an addition week of preparation when I found myself sick to my stomach the night we were scheduled to record.  (Nerves, food poisoning, or both?)

Now you finally get to see the fruits of our labors.  Did I ever “get” ELP?  Find out by watching this episode of Rock Daydream Nation!  Peter’s description is below.

Rock Daydream Nation is joined by Mike Ladano (Grab a stack of Rock) in a special episode of “out of my comfort zone” where we select one record out of a genre that we don’t usually follow and provide our thoughts with 2024 ears, This weeks choice is ELP Brain Salad Surgery.

The Contrarians Live: Album Covers with FIRE & EXPLOSIONS tonight at 7:00 PM EST!

Last Wednesday on the Contrarians, I was absolutely blown away to hear my favourite writer, Martin Popoff, say the words “Mike is a great addition to the show.”

Thank you Martin.  I hope this week I live up to everybody’s expectations!

For those keeping track, this is my fourth week in a row on the Contrarians.  The subjects thus far have been:

I tend to go off the beaten track and focus on artists or albums that have never been on the Contrarians before.  I will be doing that again this week, with some more Canadian picks and some albums that are not in the rock genre at all.  Begin the guessing.

THE CONTRARIANS – Album Covers with Fire and Explisions – Wed. Novermber 6 – 7:00 PM EST

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GUEST FILM REVIEW: Manhunter (1986) by Holen

MANHUNTER (1986 De Laurentis Entertainment)

Directed by Michael Mann

Did you think Silence of the Lambs was the first film to feature Hannibal Lecter? You were wrong! Brian Cox brought the character to life in Michael Mann’s Manhunter five years prior. It’s the first film adaptation of Thomas Harris’ novel Red Dragon. Despite under-performing big time at the box office, the film has has been reappraised in recent years and given more of the credit it deserves as pioneering influence on the crime genre.

The story follows retired FBI agent Will Graham (William Peterson) being pulled back into the fold by his old boss to catch the latest crazed serial killer known as the Tooth Fairy (Tom Noonan). Graham was responsible for catching Lecter years prior (spelled Lecktor in this movie) although the process left him physically and mentally scarred. Graham’s skill set allows him to adorn the point of view of the killer a process that drains him mentally and leaves him on the cusp of insanity, but makes him remarkably effective in solving cases.

Being pulled from retirement and forced to consult with his assailant Lecter, Graham begins to deteriorate faster than before. Fresh out of one of my favorite films, To Live and Die in L.A., Peterson nails the role, appearing increasingly haggard and desperate throughout the movie. You can see his story in the lines of his sleep deprived face. Brian Cox’s portrayal of Lecter is more grounded, cunning, and disturbing than the uber theatrical Hopkins version. The two don’t share much screen time, but their link is felt throughout the film, particularly when Lecter vicariously finds a way to torment Graham from his cell through clandestine messages to the Tooth Fairy.

Given that this is a Michael Mann film, the whole thing is an aesthetic masterpiece with the “style” knob cranked to eleven. It exudes an aura of cool detachment complimentary to the chilly atmosphere of violent mental depravity. There’s also an emphasis on forensics and detective work many thrillers skip over for the more sensational moments. Here we see the cracks in between, Graham being forced to watch tapes of the Tooth Fairy stalking families before he murders them, trying to piece together a motive.

If you’re any kind of a fan of Michael Mann’s work or crime thrillers in general, there’s no reason I could see this wouldn’t be up your alley. It’s one of his most overlooked works, despite the small renaissance it’s been enjoying recently. Manhunter is smart, stylish, and lying ever in wait for you to discover its assets. Also, Joan Allen is in it, and she’s a total babe.

4/5

VHS Archives #151: Yngwie J. Malmsteen hosts the Power 30 on MuchMusic in 1992

Disclaimer:  This is an extremely dull video!  Consider:  without music videos, Yngwie Malmsteen “hosting” the Power 30 in 1991 amounts to less than 90 seconds of video.  How disappointing.  This is an excellent example of why the Power 30 was a vastly inferior format to the Pepsi Power Hour.  The shortened time led to substance-free content like this for the vacuous 90s.

Yngwie comments a little bit about each of the videos he has been assigned:

  • “Dragonfly” by Yngwie Malmsteen
  • “Over My Head” by King’s X
  • Deep Purple and Jimi Hendrix – songs not named
  • “Heaven Tonight” – Yngwie Malmsteen

I just told you everything they played, but watch it for Yngwie’s quick comments if you like.

 

 

VHS Archives #150: Geezer Butler of Black Sabbath in 1982, on Satanism in their lyrics

August, 1982:  John “J.D.” Roberts on The New Music (pre-MuchMusic) sat down with the Mob Rules lineup of Black Sabbath (Geezer Butler, Tony Iommi, Vinnie Appice – no Dio this time) to ask about the fuss involving Satanic lyrics.  While Geezer admits to using Satan a bit as a lyrical device, he also points out that it’s only one facet of his writing.  Stopping wars, he points out, is one of their big topics.

Great little clip that shows the laid back band at their most laid back.