Part 0: A Few Words for Days Gone By…

I decided to do something special for Part 250…by not doing Part 250 at all.

This isn’t one of those bullshit prequels, like when George Lucas says, “Oh, Episode I, I had that written for decades,” when it was pretty obvious he was making it up as he went along!  Nope, this isn’t like that.  I started writing the Record Store Tales over 10 years ago, and what you see below is the original first chapter.  It existed solely for the purpose of background and context, but I excised it in favour of starting things faster with the second chapter, “Run To The Hills”.  Since that became Part 1, it makes sense that this earlier introduction should be Part 0.  With hindight, I kind of wished I’d kept it in, so here it is!  And don’t forget to check out my new complete Table of Contents, should you wish to read  more!

KATHRYN GEOFF MIKEYeah…don’t ask. That’s me on the right.

A Few Words for Days Gone By…

What is childhood made of? In my mind, when you’re a kid, life consists of two things:

1. School
2. Summer Holidays

That was the cycle.  To break it down to the core, to an 11 year old life was 10 months of school followed by two months of glorious, warm sunny freedom.  Sure, you’d get to go home at the end of the day, but you were never truly free until the end of June. No more pencils, no more books, all that stuff.  It was way better than Christmas holidays.  The Canadian winters offered such fun treats as shoveling, besides snow pants, parka, boots (laced up too tight), and mittens which prevented you from using your fingers.

Our summers were boisterous. My sister Kathryn and I were like peas in a pod. We would play some kind of game every day, usually under my leadership. I would declare that today, we were going to play Star Wars. Other possible declarations included building fleets of Lego ships and cars, and having a giant war. Or inventing a new ball game.  Once GI Joe came along, we’d dig trenches in the yard, as well as forts and garages of twigs and leaves, and have an entire day (or week) dedicated to Cobra Commander’s new secret weapon. Aside from an occasional rebellion from my sister, our summers were mostly uninterrupted merriment.

STAR WARS

My sister and I both clearly remember one such rebellion, where she wanted to do things her way.  It involved our Star Wars figures.  We were already mid-battle.  I was setting up a perfect counter-offensive. The Millenium Falcon would sneak attack Vader’s base, take out his Tie Fighter early in the melee, while Luke would take out Boba Fett. Leia and Lando had to distract Jabba The Hutt, so that he couldn’t stop Luke when he eventually confronted the Emperor. Game over! The plan was perfect. Now I just needed my sister to coordinate the battle with me, under my command of course.

Much to my disappointment, she had moved around some of the figures and now had them seated.  Luke and Vader were next to each other. “Why are Luke and Vader sitting there? Luke is about to attack and Vader should be getting into his ship.”

My sister continued playing with the figures, and without looking up, replied, “Luke and Vader want to be friends now. They’re having tea.”

It didn’t matter that half the figures were hers, if she didn’t know how to play Star Wars right. So I’d yell a bit, act like a big brother usually does, and eventually she’d go along with the plan, or cry and leave.  The evil Empire would be defeated once and for all, thanks to my brilliant leadership and strategy.  We were definitely pals, growing up.

For years, this was the way of the summer holidays. We’d be doing something awesome at home, or at the cottage, but it would always be something cool. It didn’t matter where we were: games continued wherever we went.  We’d make a game out of anything.   You give us a pile of junk and we’ll make a game out of it.

STYX FRONTAll things do come to an end. The Star Wars trilogy ended in 1983 and something needed to fill the vacuum. While GI Joe and later Transformers would temporarily take its place, I was getting older.  My attention was drifting.  I was looking for something cool, new, and exciting.  Video games didn’t hold my attention and neither did sports.

Starting in 1983, several things happened in a short time frame.  Styx released a single called “Mr. Roboto” that some of my friends at school were obsessed with.   Then I heard a song called “Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap” by AC/DC, and it was pretty cool too.  Then, a newer band called Quiet Riot came out with an album called Metal Health that would go on to sell three million copies.  This was my first rock cassette purchase when I was in the 6th grade.  Something connected…

AC/DC.  Van Halen.  Ozzy Osbourne.  Black Sabbath.  Def Leppard.  Motley Crue.  Iron Maiden.  Who were these people? I had a lot to find out.

Continued in Record Store Tales Part 1:  Run to the Hills

WTF Search Terms: Unsolved Mysteries edition

WTF Search Terms XIV:  Unsolved Mysteries edition

Welcome back to WTF Search Terms.  Below you will find 10 phrases that people typed into a search engine like Google, which somehow took them to mikeladano.com.  The 10 terms below have one thing in common:  I have no idea what the answers would be.  If you can help out these people, post your knowledge in the comment section, or these may forever remain unsolved mysteries!  Enjoy.

ritchie blackmore private life

puff daddy’s embarring habit

michael jones’ ebay wealth

perks of living in san diego

make a wooden cassette box

solo pizza commercial tania creighton-castillo

knuckle dtaggers bikers kincardine ontario

dreadlocks security guard manchester

gorge and martin and elile and alice and donss facebook

what id the dimond sign minr when jazz and lebrain put it up in the

For more WTFs, click here!  Subscribe so you’ll never miss one again.

STACK

REVIEW: David Lee Roth – Greatest Hits/The Deluxe Edition (2013 CD/DVD)

NEW RELEASE – nov. 19 2013

DLRGRHITS_0001DAVID LEE ROTH  –  Greatest Hits/The Deluxe Edition (2013 Warner CD/DVD)

Dear LeBrain readers,

I’ve been here writing reviews for the better part of 21 months now.  I think we know each other well enough, you and I, that I can skip the formalities in some instances.  I don’t think I need to describe in detail classic David Lee Roth recordings such as “California Girls”, “Just a Gigolo”, or “Just Like Paradise”.  I’m willing to bet that with exception to the 1990’s material, most readers already know most of the songs on this album.  If you happened to stumble upon later albums like A Little Ain’t Enough or Your Filthy Little Mouth, then you probably know them all.

If you’re familiar with David Lee Roth but don’t own any as of yet, then your next question is likely to be, “Is this a good place to start?”  Sure, why not?  Dave’s latest “hits” compilation, simply called Greatest Hits (his last one was called The Best), does the trick in most regards.  It even includes Dave’s entire first solo EP Crazy From the Heat albeit not in the original running order.  (1. “Easy Street” 2. “Just A Gigolo” 3. “California Girls” 4. “Coconut Groove” in case you feel like re-arranging the tracks as originally released.)  “Easy Street” is an Edgar Winter Group original, and Dave has Edgar guest on his version too.

Some of the best songs are distilled from Eat ‘Em and Smile, but that’s a 5/5 star album that needs to be owned on its own regardless.   From Skyscraper is “Just Like Paradise” and “Hot Dog and a Shake”, but not the single “Stand Up” interestingly enough.   Present are the three singles from A Little Ain’t Enough: the bluesy “Tell the Truth,” the title track and the swanky “Sensible Shoes”.   Three tracks are included from Your Filthy Little Mouth, only one of which is a head-scratcher (the reggae infused “No Big ‘Ting”) but by-and-large this an acceptable slice of Warner Brothers era David Lee Roth.

What you readers are likely to be most interested in is the bonus DVD.  This “Deluxe Edition” (there’s no other edition available) includes most of Dave’s groundbreaking, genre-hopping classic music videos.  The “Dave TV” segment has uncut videos for “California Girls” and “Gigolo” interspersed with Dave’s commentary.  Continuing the fun are Dave’s first two “band” videos, “Yankee Rose” and “Goin’ Crazy!” along with Dave’s cast of characters.  These of course includes the fabulous Picasso Brothers!

As an added bonus they also included the Spanish version of “Goin’ Crazy!” (“¡Loco Del Calor!”) which appears to be an entirely unique cut, based on the same video shoot.  There are fewer costume changes and stunts, but it’s cool that Dave’s attention to detail included lip-synching an entirely separate video for another territory.

The odds and ends on this disc are pretty scarce, such as the videos for “Sensible Shoes”, “The Nightlife”, and “Tell the Truth”.  None of these videos are nearly as entertaining as the colourful classics.  Let’s face it, Dave’s great in front of a camera, but he’s at his best when it’s one hell of a party happening behind him.

In Canada, this is an import and I paid about $26.  In the US it’s under $19 which is a much more reasonable price.  For fans who don’t own anything, get this, it just makes sense to.  For fans who already have all the albums, you are now forewarned that you’re buying this solely for the DVD.  There’s nothing much else special in terms of packaging, although lyrics are included.

The CD:  3.5/5 stars

The DVD:  5/5 stars

Blended rating:  4.25/5 stars

More DAVID LEE ROTH at mikeladano.com:

Sonrisa Salvaje (Eat ‘Em and Smile 1986 – Spanish version) – Skyscraper (1988) – “Stand Up” promo remix – Your Filthy Little Mouth (1994 Japanese version) – DLR Band (1998) – Diamond Dave (2003)

REVIEW: Badlands – Badlands (1989)

BADLANDS_0003

 

BADLANDS – Badlands (1989 Atlantic)

When this album came out I bought it immediately. Well, as soon as it was made available by Columbia House music club, that is.  I remember that I described it to a work friend named Mark as “raw bluesy shit”, and I still stand by that three word description. With an emphasis on raw. For 1989, this kind of production was unheard of. You can hear everything on this album, you can hear Jake’s fingers talking. Very little embellishment going on here.

Badlands were almost a supergroup of sorts: Ray Gillen (ex-Black Sabbath), Jake E. Lee (ex Ozzy Osbourne), Eric Singer (also ex-Black Sabbath, now in Kiss) and Greg Chaisson (ex-nobody significant). Jake had always complained he didn’t have an outlet to play the blues in Ozzy’s band, so this is his version of the blues, and it’s hard as hell!  The band also had a vision of an album with two sides: a first harder rocking side, and a second bluesier side with longer songs.

“High Wire” kicks Badlands off with Jake’s raw, stripped back guitar sound.  Producer Paul O’Neill (Savatage, Trans-Siberian Orchestra) was also managing Badlands, and his production work here is completely different from the layers that he is better known for.  The effects are stipped back, and Jake’s guitar is very different from The Ultimate Sin.  A groovy exciting track, “High Wire” is driven by the riff and Gillen’s authoritative Coverdale-esque lead vocals.

The single “Dreams In The Dark” is next, the closest thing to a commercial song that this album gets. It has a strong chorus, instantly memorable, but you’ll be forgiven for thinking this is a Whitesnake outtake at first.  A brief instrumental precedes my favourite song, “Winter’s Call”.  It is as close is you’ll get to a ballad on this album, and only because its intro is slow and acoustic. However once that first riff kicks in, there’s no looking back. Eric Singer’s drum patterns are complex and hard hitting.  The song itself is atmospheric and still kicks my ass all these years later.  It’s infectious, like an old Zeppelin number.  I hear sitar!

A pair of rockers finish side one, “Dancing On The Edge” (an accelerated raw rocker with a great chorus) and “Streets Cry Freedom” a steamy, slower tune like a classic Coverdale prowl.  Both songs are standouts.

Side two starts with a serious rocker, “Hard Driver”, but from there it is on to the long, slower bluesy numbers that the band talked about. “Rumblin’ Train” is the bluesiest number, and “Devil’s Stomp” is as heavy as the title implies. “Seasons” is a slow moody one, brilliantly dramatic thanks to Gillen’s emotive vocal. The cassette/CD bonus track was called “Ball & Chain” and it finishes the album on a another hard bluesy note.  (Yes, back then when they couldn’t fit all the songs on an LP, they’d still include it on the cassette version and call it a “bonus track”.)

Badlands made a couple more albums, but this one is my favourite.  Martin Popoff himself rates this one a 10/10.  I gotta agree with the man on this one.  On a 5 scale…

5/5 stars

BADLANDS_0004

Part 249: The Shirts

RECORD STORE TALES Part 249:  The Shirts

“Mikey,” said Trevor one afternoon, “I’m talking to you as a friend.  I know you don’t want to stay single forever.  I’m only try to help you out, but…that style you’re rocking just isn’t working man.”

“What do you mean?” I asked.  I thought I was actually dressed pretty cool.

IMG_00001411_edit

shorts n’ docs

“Well,” Trevor continued, “You’re wearing Doc Marten boots with shorts and a Deep Purple T-shirt.  It’s like you’re wearing three looks at once.  What you need to do is focus on one look and go with it.”

I was shell-shocked.  My Doc Marten boots were the bomb!  Deep Purple rules!

“But the boots and shorts are kind of grunge, right?  And that’s cool.”  My counterargument was sound.

“Yeah but the Deep Purple shirt isn’t grunge.  You see?  Trust me Mikey.  I’m just trying to look out for you.  I’ll take you shopping, and after that, you re going to get tons of action!”

Tons of action!  Right on.  I’m in, T-Rev, say no more man!

True to his word, that Saturday, T-Rev picked me up and took me to the mall.  And shop we did.  Apparently Hawaiian was in.  I picked up a Hawiian shirt and this cool burgundy velvety shirt.  I also picked up a couple T-shirts to wear underneath, and a beaded necklace which also was apparently in at the time.  That night, Trevor’s lovely then-girlfriend now-wife Michelle threw him a birthday party and I was able to give the burgundy shirt a test-run in a social environment.  While I did not see any “action”, the feedback was positive.  I have to say that I rocked the look really well and received numerous compliments.

Unfortunately, this kicked off a shirt addiction.  Yes, you read that correctly.  I had a flirtation with shirt addiction that lasted a couple years.  Next I bought an expensive black shirt with cool ridges at a place called Caesar’s Closet in Cambridge.  Then another burgundy shirt, even more velvety.  Then a black one with sparkles in it.  (That was my favourite, it later got recycled into my Paul Stanley Halloween costume.)  Two with flames.  One with guitars.  One with dice.  One that was shiny like a foil-wrapped baked potato, and many many more.  My bosses may have thought I’d lost my mind, as I showed up at the record store in more and more outlandish shirts.  I ended up with at least two dozen in my collection.

When I wore the silver baked potato shirt to work one day, one of my bosses was nearly blinded by it.  “Mike!  That’s a shirt for clubbing!”  Well, probably, but working in a record store gave me a certain amount of leeway that other jobs didn’t have.  I guess I wanted to have fun while I was young!

My “shirts phase” lasted a couple years before it finally faded away.  The obsession was excessive though.  One cottage weekend I packed 7 shirts for a 2 day stay.  By the end of it, I had even written a movie outline for a horror comedy film titled “The Shirt”.  The premise:

A cursed Hawaiian shirt finds its way into a clueless vacationer’s luggage.  The shirt kills those who wear it by strangulation; it can also possess the minds of those it has an affinity for.  Putting on the shirt could get you killed, or possessed — or both!  The evil shirt’s only weakness is bleach.

I’m hoping to get James Franco interested in playing the main character, the guy who makes it to the end of the movie.

Surprisingly few photos remain of my expansive shirt collection.  Perhaps that is a good thing.

More SHIRTS at mikeladano.com:
Record Store Tales Part 86: Captain Gold Shirt

REVIEW: Tesla – “Edison’s Medicine” CD single

Here’s a leftover from THE WEEK OF SINGLES!  Each day from November 18-22 we looked at recent single acquisitions.   This review didn’t make the series as intended, but it’s still pretty rare with cool exclusives!

Monday:  Van Halen – “Best of Both Worlds” 7″ single
Tuesday:  Deep Purple – “Above and Beyond” CD and 7″ singles
Wednesday:  Aerosmith – “Dude (Looks Like A Lady)” 12″ single
Thursday:  David Lee Roth – “Stand Up” 12″ promo remix single
Friday:  Alice Cooper – For Britain Only EP

TESLA – “Edison’s Medicine” (1991 Geffen CD single)

It wasn’t that long ago that we had a look at Tesla’s damn good Psychotic Supper CD.  We also reviewed the CD single for “Call It What You Want” and its non-album B-sides.  I recently acquired the first single from Psychotic Supper, “Edison’s Medicine”.  This one has two album tracks and two non-album covers.  What makes this single a little more special than “Call It What You Want” is that these two B-sides have never been re-released on anything else, to my knowledge.

The A-side itself is one of the best tunes Tesla’s recorded to date.  In my own review for the album, I stated that Tesla were “taking their love of Nikola Tesla to the Nth degree…What an incredible song. I still remember seeing the music video, and being blown away by the solos. Not only are there guitar solos, but Frank Hannon torments the theremin, before he slips on a bass and plays a bass solo too!”

“Had Enough”, the other album track on this single is equally heavy to “Edison’s Medicine”.  It’s not as riveting melodically, but it burns rubber pretty hot.  I’m quite fond of the song myself, even though in the grand scheme of things it wouldn’t make my own Tesla road CD.  It’s just bubbling under, but it does cook!

Covers are always a tricky thing.  You have to pick the right song, and you have to pull it off.  Tesla chose the Montrose classic “Rock the Nation”.  They definitely picked an appropriate song, as it fits in with the overall Tesla sound.  They did a solid, workmanlike version of “Rock the Nation”, but it lacks the piercing, instantaneous charisma of the original.  The drums are a tad too thuddy for my tastes, and as good a singer as Jeff Keith is, Sammy Hagar owns this one.  Still, there’s nothing really wrong with it, it’s just not as special as it could have been.  It sounds like it was knocked off as a quick B-side to record, and I’m sure that was the case.

I won’t act all cool as if I knew who Jo Jo Gunne are.  I have never heard of Jo Jo Gunne.  Apparently they were ex-members of Spirit, which also spawned Randy California.  “Run Run Run” was a hit for them in 1972.  I gave the original song a listen, and I can say that Tesla’s version is pretty authentic if a little bit harder.  Who doesn’t love some great “Oooh, oooh, oooh” vocals?  I sure do.  That, and the catchy dual guitar melody (straight out of the Lizzy cookbook) make this one a keeper.

I paid £2.00 for this on Discogs. I consider that a good buy.

4/5 stars

REVIEW: Nine Inch Nails – Broken (1992)

 

NINE INCH NAILS – broken (1992 Interscope EP) / halo five

I remember seeing this in my local HMV store in 1992.  I thought, “Nine Inch Nails have cool packaging,” because you didn’t see too many digipacks back then.  It’s cooler than just that though, with three panels unfolding in a “T” shape each with a letter on it.  “n”…”i”…”n”…

Gotta give Trent Reznor credit for packaging, he usually has very striking and original concepts for his discs.  Also cool how the packaging for broken nicely complements the remix album fixed once both are bought.  broken technically qualifies as an EP I guess, or a mini-album maybe, even though it is longer than most classic Van Halen albums.

BROKENThere is a version of broken out there that was once considered one of the Holy Grails of Nine Inch Nails collectibles.  I guess the advent of eBay made it much easier to get, because eBay has one as of this writing for $12, free shipping, VG condition.  It is a 2 CD version, with the two “hidden” tracks on a separate 3″ CD enclosed within the digipack.  This was supposedly discontinued because unscrupulous store owners were taking out the bonus CD and selling it separately.  Or so goes the legend.  I think cost would also have been a factor in discontinuing the bonus CD.  On re-releases like I own, the bonus tracks are included as #98 and #99, with 91 tracks of 1 second silences preceding them.

“Pinion” serves as a brief intro to “Wish” and they are always presented together.  This serves to intensify the mighty “Wish”, the heaviest song released by Nine Inch Nails up to the time.  What sounds like a blowtorch punctuates a frantic drum rhythm.  This progresses into a mélange of bizarre sounds, shredding guitars and a sledgehammer riff.  “Last” follows, a slower more relentless riff.  At times its the industrial version of “Sad But True”, but with a synthpop style chorus.  Reznor maintains his angry snarl throughout, bitching about whatever he’s bitching about.  “Pigs” are referenced, he sounds upset, angry, sad…aww!

“Help Me I Am In Hell” is one of the coolest tracks, a quiet two-minute guitar n’ noise respite.  It sounds a lot like some of the quieter moments that would later come on The Downward Spiral (a genius album if there ever was one).  Then, “Happiness in Slavery” serves as a barrage to the noggin’, Trent yelling stuff about slaves screaming in a distorted voice.  There are some cool, ascending metal-y guitar licks and another synthpop chorus.  If I had to guess, I’d say the lyrics are a thinly veiled discourse on getting screwed by your record label, as Trent was at the time.

The final song of this batch of tracks is “Gave Up”, another fast metallic song.  It’s hard to discern the melodies from it, such is the distortion of the track.  It does have a bad-ass keyboard solo though. Trent sounds like he’s singing on a broken tape deck and the guitars sound like they’re on the same cassette too.  It’s my least favourite song on the EP, although I remember it had a cool “live” style music video with Marilyn Manson on guitar.

After 91 tracks of silence (a quaint-oh-so 90’s gimmick that I sidestepped by not ripping them) are the bonus cover songs.  “Physical (You’re So)” is an Adam and the Ants tune, morphed into something that sounds like a cross between Nine Inch Nails and Motley Crue.  This is a great track.  Among the best on the album.  There are jackhammer sounds, plenty of distortion and unidentifiable but cool sounds.  “Suck” is a Pigface cover (from Gub) that Trent originally sang and co-wrote anyway.  It has a powerful chorus and riff much like the rest of broken, but the verses (pun intended) kind of suck.  That funky bassline…it’s not my thing, I guess.

One weird thing.  I don’t know where it came from, but I somehow got a booklet for a Japanese version of broken.  I found it inside my copy…I must have found it laying around at the store.  Kinda neat to have, I can’t read a word of it, but cool.  My CD appears to just be the regular single disc US release otherwise.

4.5/5 stars

More Nine Inch Nails at mikeladano.com:  RECORD STORE TALES Part 222:  Mr. Self Destruct

Part 248: Hagar Bashing

SAMMY HAGAR

RECORD STORE TALES Part 248:  Hagar Bashing

There’s been some Van Hagar bashing recently here at mikeladano.com.  First there was this, and then this…some strong language here and there as well.  Seems that “Hagar Bashing” has been a hobby for me for a long time.  Witness this nearly decade old record store journal entry that I found.

Date: 2004/08/26 10:03

Someone should pass a law preventing Sammy Hagar from singing any old classic DLR tunes. “I got my ass against the record machine”???  Fuck you Sammy, go drink your tequila.

I kind of like that, I wish I’d worked that into my Best of Both Worlds review.  “Fuck you Sammy, go drink your tequila!”  I’m sure that would be considered a very professional review!  Speaking of which, apparently I wasn’t too impressed with a review that I read in Bass Guitar magazine, judging by the journal entry below.

Date: 2004/08/25 00:25

I hate reading an article in a magazine, and realizing I could have done a better job than the guy who gets paid all that cash for being in a big glossy.  I am reading a bass magazine, and there’s an article on Van Halen.  They’re talking about how consistent Michael Anthony’s sound and style has been, and continues to be on the three new songs.

Well, if the writer had bothered doing any checking, he would have seen that Anthony doesn’t play bass on the three new songs.  He in fact has nothing to do with the new album whatsoever.  I would have known that, not made a mistake in the article, and in addition asked Anthony about it in the interview!  I could have done a better job than this pro…and I wouldn’t even ask for a dime!

And I still haven’t made a dime!  Goal achieved.

Legend has it that Sammy Hagar liked this song even though Thelonious Monster meant it to be insulting.

More VAN HALEN at mikeladano.com:

A Different Kind of Truth (2012) – The Best of Both Worlds (2005 2 CD set) – Record Store Tales Part 186: The Van Halen Tin – Van Halen III (limited edition tin) – “Can’t Stop Loving You” (1995 single tin) – “Right Now” (1992 cassette single) – “Best of Both Worlds” picture sleeve 7″ single

MOVEMBER REVIEW: The Guys – “The Stache Is Back In Town”

THE GUYS – “The Stache Is Back In Town” (2013)

The month of Movember is upon us again, men allowing fur to gather on their upper lips. Some say it is to raise money for testicular cancer research. Some say it is a rite of passage. One way or another, Movember is now intertwined with rock and roll. Long gone faces such as Frank Zappa, John Bonham, and Phil Lynott are remembered fondly. The Guys want us all to remember together.

It’s not the first time. A couple years ago, The Guys brought out the excellent “Man With A Moustache”. It’s a catchy 80’s sounding synthpop-rock tune. It’s hard not to smile at its catchy chorus and wired guitars. It’s irresistible actually. Having sampled their tunage extensively on their website, I can’t say it’s indicative of their sound in general, which varies wildly all over the 1980’s. But you have to be the judge yourself of this talented creative force.

But ya know…The Guys have something new out this Movember.  This kind of thing is categorized as a “parody”; I don’t consider it a parody.  I consider it a tribute.  I consider it a testament to Phil Lynott and moustaches everywhere from coast to coast of this glorious nation and beyond.  That song is “The Stache Is Back In Town”.  I hope I don’t need to explain this to you, but it’s a cover of “The Boys Are Back In Town” off Jailbreak, by Thin Lizzy.  

You can hear it for yourselves, but I think The Guys did a damn fine job of this song.  They even call out one of the greatest ‘staches of all television history:  Thomas Magnum.  That’s right.  Thomas Magnus aka Magnum P.I. aka Tom Selleck!  Lead vocalist Thomas Love (known to his friends as Marko Fox) explained it to me:  “Grooming is essential for success…as a moustache can make anything better. It is not a coincidence that both Thomas Magnum and Jonathan Higgins both had killer staches.”

You can’t argue with that.

I hope “The Stache Is Back In Town” remains a Movember classic for years to come.  While I did not participate in Movember this year, you can support the cause here:  http://ca.movember.com/  Men’s health is an important issue, but Movember lets us take it a little more lightly.  The Guys have the Movember spirit, and I applaud them.

6/5 stars

The Guys:  THOMAS LOVE – Vocals, Drums, Percussion & Keys JOHNNY KIKX – Vocals, Guitars & Keys BARRY FUSE – Guitars, Bass, Keys & Vocals RICK DANIELS – Bass, Keys & Vocals

Guess What Just Grew Back Again
A Hairy Lip That’s Made To Win
Went From Being A 2 To A 10
Just Because It’s Movember

Thomas Magnum Posters On Every Girl’s Wall
All You Babyfaced Boys Get Ready To Fall
I Hear The Rock That Is Our Party Call
So Let The Mo’ Ruckus Begin

THE STACHE IS BACK IN TOWN

Spread The Aftershave Around
Turn Up That Hairy Sound

No Shaving Cream To Be Found…

You Know That Chick That Turned You Down A Lot?
Every Night She Be Laughing, Blowing You Off
But Now Man She Be Staring, She Be Red Hot
The Hairy Lip’s Got Her Steaming

The Radio’s Playing Our Favourite Song
Called “Man With A Moustache” And It Won’t Be Long
Till All The Ladies Will Want Me To Take Them Home
They Want To Watch Me Shave It In

THE STACHE IS BACK IN TOWN

THE STACHE IS BACK IN TOWN AGAIN!

Mo’ bros lookin’ like John Oates…

REVIEW: Sword – Metalized (1986)

 

SWORD – Metalized (1986 Aquarius/Capitol)

I was watching the Pepsi Power Hour one afternoon in the 10th grade when they debuted the first video from Quebec metallers Sword — a song called “F.T.W.” My best friend Bob and I were both watching that day, and we got into the song big time. I was recording and we went back and played the video two or three more times. Later on, lead throat Rick Hughes was in the MuchMusic studio live, and explained that some people thought that “F.T.W.” stood for something else; the chorus of of the song goes “Follow the Wheels”.  The song is about bikers, but some assumed the song “F.T.W.” stood for “Fuck the World”.  I discovered this first hand when I scrawled the Sword logo on my Math notebook, along with the initials F.T.W.  The kid behind me didn’t believe me when I told him I meant it as “Follow the Wheels”.

We were blown away by “F.T.W.”, a galloping metal song with gritty vocals. Bob and I agreed that Rick Hughes had the power and grit of a guy like Dee Snider, but the music was borderline thrash metal.  A couple years later, when I signed up for Columbia House music club, I ordered the album Metalized on cassette.   It was every bit as heavy as “F.T.W.” and then some.  It seemed to lie somewhere between W.A.S.P. or Anvil and Megadeth.  It was on the heavier side of music that appealed to me but I gave the album a shot.  (That is, until the cassette got eaten.  Capitol Records were issuing some of the worst quality cassette tapes in Canada in the 1980’s and Metalized was one more victim.)

The second single was a track called “Stoned Again”.  Hughes clarified on Much that the lyrics are not meant to promote drug use, which I was relieved to learn.  Either way it takes the tempo back from breakneck for a bit, instead throwing in a heavy groove.  “Stoned Again” was every bit as great as “F.T.W.,” and perhaps a bit forward thinking.  A few years later, Pantera would be eating up and chewing out songs like “Stoned Again” at a furious pace.

The rest of the album stands up.  It’s a bit singular in direction, the songs suffering from a certain sameness.  The production is echo-y and typical of many albums of this period.  The rest of the music is virtually all up-tempo, with vicious vocals and biting riffs.  Each song is executed expertly, the guys were not slouches on their instruments, and Hughes could let loose some chandelier-shattering screams.  On “Outta Control” he’s Ian Gillan during the Sabbath phase!  Another highlight is “Runaway” which features a cool Maiden-esque intro riff and a decent chorus.

“Pee away, buddy!” – Dave Mustaine

Metalized is an enjoyable but non-essential romp through the tundra of heavy Canadian metal.  Our winters may be cold but this Sword was clearly forged in fire.

4/5 stars

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