Part 245: Metal in my Ears

RECORD STORE TALES Part 245:  Metal in my Ears

and bonus “Shit LeBrain’s Dad Says”

Even though ear piercings on men at the record store were against our backwards “body piercing policy”, I thought for years about getting my ears pierced.  Thought about it, never really did anything about it.  This inaction went way back, even in highschool I just never got my ears pieced.  I came close on summer holidays after graduation.  Today, My Favourite Aunt still blames me for the day my cousin came home with his ear pierced.  It happened like this…

Bob, myself, cousin

Bob, myself, cousin – 1991

Summer holidays ’91, my cousin was visiting from Calgary, Alberta.  By coincidence, my friend Bob had decided to spend a few days at our cottage with the whole family, which was cool by me.   Bob was like family.  My cousin liked to be active.  He was never the type to sit quietly.  Or do anything quietly.

He kept telling us that wanted to get his ear pierced.  We decided, “Hey, why don’t we all drive into town, and the three of us get our ears pierced?”  We found a hair salon on Queen Street in Kincardine, Ontario called The Clan that did ears (gun-style).  Somehow, on the way there, Bob chickened out.  He said, “You know, I’m starting my new job next week.  I don’t think I want to go in there with an earring on my first day.”

“Are you…what are you saying?” I asked.

“I’m not getting it done.  You can get yours, but I can’t go to a new job like that.”  Bob was standing firm.

Feeling my backbone melt away, I said, “I’m not doing it either.”

“WHAT?!” Bob and my cousin both said in unison.  “You’re chickening out?”

“I’m not chickening out!” I protested.  “We all agreed to do it.  If Bob’s not doing it I don’t have to either.”

My resilient cousin said, “I’m still doing it.”  True to his word, he did.  The crap hit the fan when we got back to the cottage.  Why was he the only one with his ear pierced?  The questions came fast and furious.  I was accused of  “tricking him” and “suckering him in”.  But I didn’t trick anyone.

I simply chickened out.

I still thought about getting an ear piercing, on and off, but the point was moot since the record store did not allow piercings on men.  Obviously this policy couldn’t stand forever or they’d never be able to hire anybody.  Finally after much petitioning and complaining by many, the day came when they changed their policies regarding earrings on men.

I knew the only person who would still give me a hard time about an earring would be my dad.  Sometimes people would ask me, “Why don’t you get an ear piercing?” and I’d usually respond, “Because my dad’s retired and I don’t want to give him a heart attack.”

My friend Shannon promised to help me to soften the blow.  She accompanied me to Tora Tattoo in Waterloo, where the young lady there (Shelley) pierced both lobes with 10 gauge rings.  I was pretty happy with the results.  My dad was not.  Upon entering the house, his only words to me were:

“I sure hope those things come out!”

No dad, I had them solder them in.  Jesus Murphy!

MOVIE REVIEW: Incident at Loch Ness (2004)

“I’ve always been interested in the difference between fact and truth, and I would call it the ecstatic truth.” — Werner Herzog

 

INCIDENT AT LOCH NESS (2004 20th Century Fox)

Directed by Zak Penn, written and produced by Zak Penn and Werner Herzog

Joe has a knack for recommending movies that I end up liking.  We have a very similar sense of humour, we both find amusement in the absurd.  Joe got me to buy Werner Herzog’s Grizzly Man as well as Incident at Loch Ness, both from his bargain bin at the price of $5.99 each.  While Incident at Loch Ness has all the appearances of a Herzog film, it’s actually a documentary within a documentary within a mockumentary directed by Zak Penn (The Grand).   Incident At Loch Ness is a wry, smart rib-tickler that many just won’t get.  But I do, and I have watched it a couple dozen times over the years.

Here’s the setup: A camera crew is filming a documentary on noted filmmaker Werner Herzog called Herzog in Wonderland. At the same time, Herzog is embarking on own documentary film called Enigma of Loch Ness.   He will be shooting on location on the loch itself, and he plans to investigate the mythos surrounding it. Herzog is more interested in why people want to believe in monsters, rather than the monster itself. His producer, Zak Penn (Penn, as himself) has different ideas, and will resort to unethical trickery in order to get the blockbuster film he envisions.  The pair travel to Scotland with a film crew, but Herzog is unaware of Penn’s duplicity.

Penn hires a sexy sonar operator (Kitana Baker, as herself) with no sonar experience, and a strange cryptozologist (Michael Karnow, as himself) for comedic relief. Penn makes absurd demands of the crew, such as having the engines on the boat replaced by significantly weaker ones in order to get better sound coverage.  Through the chaos, Herzog just wants to make his movie, but the project is doomed to fail.

Incident At Loch Ness doesn’t try to be profound. Herzog (the character) never finds out just why people want to believe in a modern dinosaur. Herzog (the actor) plays it straight while Penn and Karnow play it for laughs.  The style is largely improvised, and I would rate Incident at Loch Ness equal to some of the better Christopher Guest films.

I also loved the DVD bonus features, which shed a little light (but not too much) on the making of the film. There is a comedic audio commentary track with Zak Penn that takes the gag even further as well, before cutting out abruptly mid-movie. Incident at Loch Ness is a low budget classic that I hope will appeal to those who are sick and tired and the same old comedies. It will especially appeal to fans of Herzog.  As the straight man, he’s absolutely perfect.

5/5  stars

Werner Herzog … Himself/Writer/Producer
Kitana Baker … Herself
Gabriel Beristain … Himself
Russell Williams II … Himself
David A. Davidson … Himself
Michael Karnow … Himself
Robert O’Meara … Himself
Zak Penn … Himself/Writer/Producer/Director
Steven Gardner … Himself

NSS

REVIEW: Scorpions – Taken By Force (remaster)

The second review from Toronto Record Store Excursion 2013!  I paid $7.99 at Sonic Boom.

2002 Remaster
Original Cover

SCORPIONS – Taken By Force (1977, 2002 Hip-O/Universal remaster)

I don’t have all the Scorpions albums, but I’m filling in the blanks with some of the critically acclaimed early albums.  Through that process I discovered that I really like the Uli Jon Roth period!  Taken By Force was their last studio album with Roth, although it was followed in 1978 with the double live Tokyo Tapes.  Taken By Force was also the last Roth-era album that I needed in my collection.  Unfortunately, according to the Wikipedia, although this remaster contains a bonus B-side and live track, it also contains an edited version of “Sails of “Charon”, a flaw common with almost all CD versions.

Taken By Force immediately states its heavy metal purposes with “Steamrock Fever”; the sound of a jackhammer and pounding riff opens the album.  Its anthemic chorus, melded with some Roth six string trickery and that unrelenting jackhammer will knock you down.  The Scorpions are not winning any awards for lyrical poetry, preferring to take the sledgehammer route with their message too.

All this is well and good, because next is a respite.  At least for a few moments, “We’ll Burn the Sky” allows you to cool down, before a classic Schenker riff takes the fore.  “We’ll Burn the Sky” is classic Scorpions.  It combines their penchant for melody and talent for executing memorable guitar riffs.  Roth’s slippery classical-like licks are icing on the cake.

“I’ve Got to Be Free” is the first Roth composition and features the odd bluesy licks flickering in and out of an otherwise heavy rock song.  I really like the screamed verses.  The broken-English lyrics of “The Riot of Your Time” seems to refer to the death of Elvis Presley, while foretelling the future of “’94 or ’95”.  According to the Scorpions, if the world is still alive by 1995, it will “be the start for the riot of your time”.  I don’t know what that means exactly, but the guitar seems to echo The Who’s “Pinball Wizard” through a heavy metal filter.

The original LP would have been split there and side 2 introduced by wind-like sounds, before entering “The Sails of Charon”.  That windy intro is cut on this CD, so “Charon” commences with the riff.  Surely, “The Sails of Charon” must go down as Uli Roth’s greatest contribution to the Scorpions.  This majestic masterpiece is ambitious, elegant and exotic.  And heavy.  Let’s not forget that the riff, while highbrow, is as heavy as a load of concrete.  (Incidentally, Testament did an amazing cover of this.)

“Your Light” is a funky Roth composition, one of the most likeable on the whole album.  When I say “funky” I don’t mean Sly and the Family Stone, think more the Deep Purple variety of funky.  There is also common ground here with sounds that Van Halen would later inhabit.  Then, “He’s A Woman – She’s A Man” resumes the sledgehammer assault that dominated side one.  New drummer Herman Rarebell had his first writing credit on this single.  Album closer “Born to Touch Your Feelings” is a ballad, with a long outro and overlapping voices.  It’s a solid, dramatic closing to an album that grabbed my attention at every turn and every song.

This 2002 remaster contains two bonus tracks.  First is “Suspender Love”, which was originally the B-side to “He’s A Woman – She’s A Man”.  It’s a slinky tune, fun and all, but very much unlike Taken By Force as a whole.  Still, I have no problem with the inclusion of relevant B-sides, so I’m glad to have this. The other bonus track is “Polar Nights”, originally from Virgin Killer but included here in the Tokyo Tapes version.  This was done because when Hip-O reissued and remastered Tokyo Tapes, they did it as a single disc meaning this song wouldn’t fit.  It was included here so you could still buy a complete Tokyo Tapes.  This is kind of sloppy, but at least the whole package is still available.  Also, since “Polar Nights” is a showcase of Uli’s bluesy, funky fingering, it’s also a nice way to close his final album with the Scorpions.

5/5 stars

As usual, the Scorpions courted controversy with their album cover.  The original “graveyard gunfight” photo was replaced in many regions with a plain cover with band photo.  This remaster unfortunately has the alternate artwork.  Shame about that.

Record Store Excursion 2013!

PART 1

PART 2

Part 244: Diary of a Mad Record Store Man
JAMIE MIKE

Friend with LeBrain, Phil’s, Waterloo

RECORD STORE TALES Part 244:  Diary of a Mad Record Store Man

I’d like to share with you a selection of entries, verbatim from my journal in 2005.  Here’s a snapshot of Record Store Life, November 2005, one month before quitting the store.

Date: 2005/11/04 10:35

PLAYING IN CAR:
Fu Manchu – King Of The Road

I was just thinking today how much I hate bars. I haven’t been to a bar in a year. Last time I went, a bunch of jocks wanted to kick my ass because they thought I looked “gay”. (With my Motörhead shirt on?)

Also thinking about how rude some customers can be. Like it is MY fault that they have to pawn their shit to buy crack.

Date: 2005/11/04 11:59

Today has been very annoying thus far.

People are idiots sometimes, and people rarely seem to listen. And while I’m working away here among the idiots, the Hives are singing, “Walk Idiot Walk”. Very nice.

Oakville tomorrow…yeah…not hyped for that, either.

Date: 2005/11/15 07:29

I have 3 hours to clean my apartment before my parents arrive.

Date: 2005/11/22 19:51

What goes up must come down.

– I spilled candle wax all over my brand new rug (only 6 days old).
– The trunk of my car has a leak, water has ruined a few items inside.
– I have no money.
– I have a total of three days off in the entire month of December

 Date: 2005/11/24 19:39

With this new beard, people have taken to calling me either “Ewen” or “Señor Speilbergo”. I’m fine with either name.

Date: 2005/11/25 11:05

Just because you are spending hundreds of dollars in my store does NOT make me your bitch.

Date: 2005/11/26 17:56

There’s this dude in my store that looks exactly like a short Sean Astin.

Except I’m not really sure, maybe Sean Astin is short anyways? I mean, he’s a hobbit, right?

MOVIE REVIEW: Hot Tub Time Machine

HOT TUB TIME MACHINE (2010, Unrated)

Directed by Steve Pink

Warning:  The delightfully titled Hot Tub Time Machine is the same as every other modern comedy.   Outrageous situations! Gross-outs! Swearing!  Hollow characters!…but I liked it. What can I say, I’m easily amused. I don’t mind this kind of movie, plus it has an 80’s metal slant.  The performances by John Cusack and Rob Corddry  were good enough to keep me entertained long enough.

Plot in a nutshell: Three dudes plus Cusack’s nephew are going nowhere in life and in their relationships. Trying to dip back into the past, they visit the same ski resort that they went to back in ’86. It’s gone downhill since then, but after a drunken night in the hot tub, they wake up (gasp!) back in 1986, forced to relive one of the most interesting vacations of their lives! Will they do things the same? Will they try to change the future? Can they even get back to the future? What about the nephew?  Watch to find out!

Each character has his own trip to relive, Corddry’s being the lynchpin of the whole situation. The plot is pretty simple but the movie is fun. Great music from the 80’s — Poison, Motley Crue, and more — make this a movie for the balding generation. Heck, there’s even a vintage-looking Poison concert complete with some dude that looks exactly like C.C. Deville circa Look What The Cat Dragged In.

To its credit, the ending was a twist I didn’t expect, and I enjoyed the cast including Chevy Chase. It was fun revisiting some aspects of 1986 (even though some tunes, such as “Kickstart My Heart” didn’t come out until ’89).

Blu-ray special features include commentaries, deleted scenes and extended scenes. The best deleted scenes were multiple hilarious takes of Corrdry, who’s comes across as a pretty funny guy. Digital copy is included but don’t ask me about it, because I don’t use them. All I know is that the digital copy is just the “rated” version of the film.

3/5 stars. Don’t stop believin’!

  • John Cusack as Adam Yates
  • Rob Corddry as Lou Dorchen
  • Craig Robinson as Nick Webber
  • Clark Duke as Jacob Yates
  • Chevy Chase as Hot Tub Repair Man
  • Crispin Glover as Phil Wedmaier

REVIEW: Poison – Swallow This Live (1991 2 CD set)

STL_0001POISON – Swallow This Live (1991 Capitol Records)

In 1991, hard rock was breathing its last gasp (for the moment, anyway) and Swallow This Live is a perfect example of how this happened. Many rock fans were fed up with substandard releases, and this is one of the biggest turds of that era.

Swallow This Live was a double — yes, you heard that right — a double-live CD from a band who only had three studio albums! And Poison are not Kiss. On the cassette version, two tracks were missing: “Life Goes On”, and “No More Looking Back”.  I think Poison instead should have excluded Rikki Rockett’s painful, overly long drum solo.  They definitely should have cut C.C. (billed here as “Cecil”) DeVille’s horrendous guitar flatulance.

Poison imploded before this was even released.  The fact that C.C. DeVille was only seen in the video for “So Tell Me Why” for a matter of seconds spoke volumes.  (Opening lyric of the song:  “I’d like to put to bed the rumours”.)  This was after the train wreck that was the 1991 MTV Video Music Awards.  There’s C.C. with bright pink hair, not able to play an entire song…it was no surprise when he was fired, although the band waited until after the release of Swallow This Live to tell anybody.

C.C. also hated the bluesy, more serious direction that Poison’s music was taking, which was fully realized on their next studio album, Native Tongue. With guitar maestro Richie Kotzen as the catalyst, Poison finally delivered a mature piece of work which of course did not sell. But that’s another story.

Here, we have a very rough sounding live disc, overly long, and embarassingly bad. Every song is superior in its studio version, making this album completely redundant. Ironically, coming from the band who once said, “Fans comes to see us play, not PRESS play,” you can hear lots of backing vocal tapes, especially on “I Want Action”. You do get basically every hit that Poison ever had, which was an impressive amount. However, even that couldn’t pad out a full 2 CD release, so they also played some really terrible songs live.  “Look What the Cat Dragged In” is awful, but even worse is the blues massacre, “Poor Boy Blues”.  Bret’s ad-lib is a cheesy mess.

The only reason to buy this CD is the new studio material   Two of the new songs are among the best that Poison had recorded up to this time. “So Tell Me Why” is a firecracker of a song, a brilliant rocker held aloft by fantastic guitar melodies. “Only Time Will Tell” is one of their best ballads, along the lines of “Life Goes On” or “I Won’t Forget You” crossed with some Native Tongue maturity.

If you can get Swallow This Live at a decent price (I used to sell it around $8.99), pick it up for the new studio stuff, but don’t blame me if C.C.’s live guitar solo makes your ears bleed!  (Note:  I know this has been reissued as a single disc with various track omissions, so buy according to your needs.)

2/5 stars

Don’t forget that Poison’s second album was originally to be called Swallow This!

REVIEW: Accept – Blood of the Nations (2010)

BLOOD OF ACCEPT_0001ACCEPT – Blood of the Nations (2010 Nuclear Blast)

I had a few Accept albums at home: Metal Heart, Balls To The Wall and Eat The Heat. I’d never bought an Accept album when it was a “new release” before, and I’d never bought anything post-reunion. I suppose I was interested in the music I was familiar with and nothing beyond that. When I heard they were reuniting with a new singer I was instantly skeptical. I was ready to bring the hate!

Some glowing reviews on the Eddie Trunk show opened my ears, and when Eddie started playing new tracks like “Beat The Bastards” and “Teutonic Terror”, I was hooked! New singer Mark Tornillo (who I’d never heard before, but have found out was critically acclaimed as the singer of TT Quick) had filled Udo’s teeny tiny little shoes and somehow made them fit, plus added his own style. Tornillo is not a screamer like Udo, but he can scream when necessary, and damn…it sounds awesome when he does!

New singer or not, the difference between a real fresh start (like Accept) and a mere tribute band with a new singer (like Quiet Riot) is new material. If the new material sucks, then there is no point.  If it stands up, then the band is vindicated.  I was glad to report that Accept’s new material was awesome. I don’t like to throw that word around lightly, because too many people overuse to pump up their favourite bands. Well, a) Accept has never been a favourite of mine, and b) this album really is awesome. Every song has life. The riffs courtesy of Wolf Hoffman are alive, powerful and catchy. Vocal melodies are traditional metal. Everything about this album is traditionally metal except the loud n’ proud, raw modern production by Andy Sneap. In short the album sounds great.

There’s also some solid groove on this album.  Take “Pandemic” for example.  It reminds me of the old Testament classic, “Electric Crown” in terms of groove and tempo.   As far as I’m concerned, Accept absolutely nail it on Blood of the Nations, from the rock solid rhythm section to the screaming leads.

I’m really glad I got this album, and this edition. The bonus track “Time Machine” is one of the stronger songs. Yet every song is equally strong, there are no weak links in this chain. It’s just a great album from start to finish and I hope everyone enjoys it as much as I do.

This album is rejuvenation.  You have to hear it to believe.  That they followed it with the equally strong Stalingrad is almost as astonishing.

5/5

Part 243: Return to Niagara Falls

Since I abandoned chronological order shortly after Part 10, everything’s been scattershot since.  This story takes place a month before the events in Part 102: Dumped in Barrie.  It features she who dumped me in Barrie, as well as friends from Part 64: Niagara Falls, and the title character from Part 155: Sarge.  Got all that?

Sweet Pepper & Sarge
Lemon Kurri & Sweet Pepper
Sarge’s boots

RECORD STORE TALES Part 243:  Return to Niagara Falls

A cold Saturday morning, JJJulie and I headed down to St. Catharines, Ontario.  The purpose of our visit was to hang out with our Record Store friends in The Legendary Klopeks, and Sarge, who had flown in from Bournemouth, England!  Sarge was an imposing figure, with steampunk top hat and platform boots.  We’d been communicating online for a while and we were all looking forward to his visit.  He ended up helping the Klopeks book some gigs overseas later.

Lemon Kurri Klopek, you may remember, co-owned one of our stores.  JJJulie and I rendezvoused with him at his store, where I spent some money.  (Astute readers will realize that for me to buy a CD from Lemon Kurri, a franchisee, was against the rules!  We had some pretty stupid rules.)

The lot of us grabbed some fancy dinner together, a motley crew of tattoos, piercings, leather, and rock and roll.  Although we spent a lot of money and were nothing but polite, our appearances were apparently too much for the upscale restaurant folk.  We were given our bills and pointedly not asked if we wanted to order from the dessert menu.

We fit in much better later on at a bar in St. Catharines, where Sarge presided regaling us with stories about Lemmy from Motorhead and others.  I normally don’t like bars, but everybody seemed to know everybody there.  Sarge then presented me a Motorhead tour shirt, a gift I still have (although packed away in a box).  We had a pretty solid time, and the place was mostly empty so my crowd phobia didn’t really kick in.

SAM_0489

The Rockmobile

The following day, Sunday, we took a trip across the border to do some shopping. We all piled into Lemon Kurri Klopek’s Rockmobile.  There was some kind of outlet mall in Niagara Falls, USA that was supposed to be pretty cool.  JJJulie wanted to buy shoes (whoop-de-do!) but I was told there were a couple good toy stores there.

At K.B. Toys I found the Star Wars Game of Life for $9.99, which I still have.  That was a score.  I kept it sealed.  At that price I should have bought a second one and sold it or given it away as a gift.  But that wasn’t the only mistake I made on that trip.  A further stop at a US record store turned up a find that I didn’t know existed.

I’m admittedly not a fan of the Alice Cooper Brutal Planet period. I am however a completist, so I was still interested when I saw a Brutally Live CD/DVD combo pack.  We had the DVD in Canada, but not the CD, and CD is still my primary format.  It was $25, and I decided to pass on it simply because I knew I wasn’t going to play it that often.

Maintaining a balance between “I won’t play it that often” and “I still want it for the collection” is tricky sometimes, and erring on the side of budget, I decided to pass on the Brutally Live set for the moment.  As soon as I got back home and checked online, I regretted that decision.  I couldn’t get it from any Canadian sellers and buying from an American one was going to cost me at least $35.  (Happy ending:  About five years down the road, it was released in Canada at a budget price!  I have it now.)

My Star Wars Game of Life was a good score.  On eBay, there’s one (not sealed like mine) going for $25.99 (buy it now).  There are none on eBay that are unopened at the time of this writing.  I think I’ll hang onto mine and wait for the release of Episode VII to sell!

$9.99 at KB Toys.
Shrink wrap, baby.
One for the house, one for the car.

VAN HALEN rocks SOUTH PARK

This week’s episode of South Park  “Ginger Cow”

VAN SOUTH HALEN PARK

REVIEW: The Jam – Greatest Hits (1991)

 

THE JAM – Greatest Hits (1991 Polydor)

I’ll admit that this is the only Jam that I own; about 10 years ago I decided that I loved this compilation enough to buy the Direction Reaction Creation box set. That box contained the entirety of their studio recordings.  Maybe it was too much Jam at once, or maybe their albums were just not as good as their singles. Whatever; I found that this Greatest Hits was enough Jam for me.  Yet I love all 19 songs.  You’d think I’d be into their albums, if I already liked 19/19 Jam songs on this CD

There’s a great variety of tunes on Greatest Hits: everything’s here from the punk rock snarl of the opener “In The City” to the mournful “That’s Entertainment” to the upbeat fun of “Beat Surrender”. In between you will find some of the catchiest bass lines ever recorded, topped by the undeniable lyrics of Paul Weller. To write this many truly great singles…well you just don’t see it that often.

The Jam rocked, The Jam were cool, from punk rock to Motown soul and funk, these guys did it all and did it well. You would be well advised to pick this up.  It’s cheap now, too.  Less than $5, used.

Songs I really, really like that you may already know:

  • “Down at the Tube Station at Midnight”
  • “The Eton Rifles”
  • “Town Called Malice”
  • “David Watts”
  • “The Bitterst Pill (I Ever Had To Swallow)”

I later bought a second Jam compilation album called Collection.  It concentrated on album tracks and deep cuts and I didn’t like it.  Normally I would advise readers to pick up original studio albums rather than compilations.  This time I feel the opposite way.  I have to rate Greatest Hits:

5/5 stars