nickelback

Sunday Chuckle: The Long Road

It has been a long hard road for Jen and I this whole year.  It’s Sunday though, and that means a Sunday Chuckle, not a Sunday Mope!  A few days ago, Jen finished cleaning out her mom’s house.  We found some incredible stuff there.  One of the books (from her dad’s collection) is over 200 years old.  A few others were dated from the 1800s.  Lots of cool stuff, but….

Also some not-so-cool stuffs.

Some context:

In the penultimate episode of Record Store Tales (Part 319: The Musical Crimes of LeBrain), my wife made fun of me for owning one song by Nickelback.  The controversial Canadian quartet appeared on the ZZ Top tribute album A Tribute From Friends, performing (of all songs) “Legs”.  Quite badly!  She mocked me by writing, “Three words: MIKE OWNS NICKELBACK!”  [Bold and underlining are hers.]

This is what I found in her old bedroom.  You can tell it’s hers by the rainbow wallpaper.

There you have it.  I had a song, but you had the poster, baby.  You had the poster.

Still love you most though!

 

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#339: Tyler and LeBrain episode two – Monster Truck & More

1a a a a a a a a a a a a monster furiosity live

RECORD STORE TALES Mk II: Getting More Tale
#339: Tyler and LeBrain episode two – Monster Truck & More

Missed the last episode of Tyler and LeBrain? Click here for episode one: Nickelback, and get up to speed.

Today’s subect:  Continuing our Nickelback discussion, Tyler and I turn to a controversial comparison: Do Nickelback and Monster Truck sound the same?  Listen to what we have to say, and leave your thoughts in the comments.  Enjoy.

*NOTE: I got the name of the Fu Manchu song and album wrong.  It’s “Saturn III” from The Action Is Go.  

#334: Tyler and LeBrain episode one – “Nickelback” (VIDEO)

NEW SERIES!

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RECORD STORE TALES Mk II: Getting More Tale
#334: Tyler and LeBrain – episode one – “Nickelback”

Please welcome fellow Sausagefester, Dave FM listener, and lover of leather-clad blues-infested classic rock and roll:  Tyler.  We’ve decided to team up for musical commentary on a few different topics.  Today’s subject:

Nickelback.

Hope you enjoy, and comment here for discussion.

GUEST SHOT! Part 319: The Musical Crimes of LeBrain (by Mrs. LeBrain)

I really had this coming.  In Part 314 (The Musical Crimes of Mrs. LeBrain) I exposed the somewhat embarrassing contents of Jen’s CD wallet.  I knew retribution would come.  Enjoy this penultimate episode of Record Store Tales, and its final guest shot, courtesy of Mrs. LeBrain.  (Warning:  LOTS of pictures!)

By MRS. LeBRAIN

RECORD STORE TALES Part 319: The Musical Crimes of LeBrain

#10 HIM – And Love Said No.  That deep dark gothic prince Ville Valo makes lonely girls swoon, but he is also hanging out on LeBrain’s shelf.

#9 Soundtrack – SMALL SOLDIERS.  I don’t know how this made it into the LeBrain home.  I understand his need for everything Geddy Lee has ever created, but “Mixed by DJ Z-Trip“??  Is that really worth it?  (Not to mention that you have to rock out to Bone Thugs-N-Harmony to get there.)

#8 ROD STEWART – “If We Fall In Love Tonight” CD single.  Going through my adventure here, I came across this single, designed to get the listener to first base.  YOU’RE MARRIED. THAT SHIT DOESN’T NEED TO STAY.

#7 Soundtrack – THE KARATE KID, Part III.  “Wax on, wax off.”  The case and book for this CD do not meet the demanding criteria that LeBrain enforces on his collection, but neither does the track list.  (I don’t know who most of these people are, but I have heard of the Pointer Sisters.)

#6 WOODSTOCK 99 – Various.  Look at the first six tracks from crap bands, and try not to laugh (a challenging task).  The second CD is just as bad.

#5 Soundtrack – SON IN LAW.  The Pauly Shore franchise was known for making really bad movies.  The soundtracks are not much better and this shouldn’t be taking up valuable shelf space.

#4 ELMOPALOOZA – Various.  If LeBrain were a daddy, this CD might make sense (Steven Tyler has a song about trash).  But LeBrain is childless, and Tickle-Me-Elmo is pretty pointless here!

#3 ZZ TOP: A Tribute From Friends – Various.  Three words:

MIKE OWNS NICKELBACK!

#2 AVRIL LAVIGNE – The Lavigne Collection (see below).  In Part 314, LeBrain threw me under the bus for wanting to marry Joey Mac from New Kids on the Block, 25 years ago.  Payback time!  Just because he wanted to be her “Sk8tr Boi” doesn’t mean he needed to buy her entire repertoire.

And #1! HIT ZONE 4 – Various.  LeBrain’s messiest musical moments have been in his “Various” section, but this one takes the cake.  My husband owns tracks by NSync, the Backstreet Boys and Boyz II Men?  And to top it off this boy band festival, here’s Hanson!  Regardless, I think the most disturbing thing about this CD is cover.  Look at the scratches and scrapes on the case.  This tells me the CD has been well enjoyed.

CONCLUSION:  

LeBrain, with all the mess on YOUR shelves, you really can’t make fun of me.  But no matter what crap you listen to, you’re still mine.

– Mrs. LeBrain

NEXT TIME ON RECORD STORE TALES…

End of the Line!

 

Part 261: Something In Your Mouth

CHAD SUX

RECORD STORE TALES Part 261:  Something In Your Mouth

From the pet peeve department, here’s a journal from the Record Store.

9/12/05

I have a BIG pet peeve with people (strangers in particular) who talk while eating.  If you’re eating dinner at home with your family, that’s one thing.  The rules of your home are the rules of your home, and I respect that.  But this guy was right in front of me, in the store, mowing down a Timmy’s [Tim Horton’s] bagel.  He had cream cheese all over his lips, and he wasn’t really dressed like he was a slob.  He ate the whole thing right there, while talking to me at the counter.  Just really hungry I assume?

Eww.  On that note, here’s Nickelback.

Part 112: Klassic Kwotes IX!

RECORD STORE TALES PART 112:  Klassic Kwotes IX!

1. “I just have this image of Josh shaking his ‘thing'”.  Not actually spoken in-store, this was found on the ground on a piece of pink notepaper, after a gaggle of school girls had left the store.  Odd.

2. “I’ll tell you something, somebody’s getting fat off that Gumbo thing!” said the surly old man when I showed him the price of the Forrest Gump soundtrack.  Too rich for him!

3. “So how is the new N’Sync CD, is it decent?”  Why would you even ask this question of a guy wearing a Kiss shirt?

4. “I hear good things about it.”  My response.  This was a standardized response for if you hadn’t heard the album in question, or had heard it but hated it.  For example, “How’s the new Nickelback?”  The correct answer would have been, “I hear good things about it.” 

5.  Another standardized answer for questions like that:  “If you liked their last album, you’ll like this one.”

6. “Can I try these out?” said the guy holding about dozen discs, 10 minutes before closing time.  (Luckily, we had a policy of shutting down the CD players 15 minutes before close to avoid these situations.)

7. “Sorry man.  These things are on timers.  I can’t even turn it on.”  This is what you said if a simple, “No, sorry man, we’re closing,” wasn’t good enough.  And people believed it!  There was a neat trick.  The headphones were hooked up to these little amps.  But if I shut down the amp, there was a good 20-30 second delay before the music died.  So I covertly could flip a switch to kill the amp, walk across the store, and be doing something else before the customer’s music stops.  Then when they’d say, “Hey, the music stopped, I don’t know what happened,” I would respond:  “Sorry man.  Those things are on timers. We’re closing and they automatically shut down at this time.”  This was reserved for the jerks who abused the players.

8. “Sorry man, this CD is too scratched for me to take,” said I, to the customer selling the disc.  His classic response?  “Fuck!  That’s what you said when I brought it in last time!  But this time I fuckin’ buffed it in Turtle Wax!”

9. When we first opened, we had a big huge sign that said “WE PAY CSAH FOR USED CDS“.

10. The man from the sign company came in to fix the sign.  He said to me, and I swear to God I’m not making this up — he said to me, “That’s Bill.  He spells ‘cash’ wrong on every sign.”

BONUS 11! “Hey man.  You spelled ‘cash’ wrong on your sign you know.”  No kidding?  And Bill fuckin’ spelled it wrong, not me!

INTERVIEW: Kathryn Ladano part 2

Kathryn Ladano, known to Dave FM listeners as the sister of LeBrain (from Stump LeBrain Week), chimed in yesterday with some insightful words about music in general.  If you’re a fan of improvised music, you may have heard Kathryn jammin’ on the bass clarinet on two continents!

We sat down and asked her 10 questions about music. Check out the final five below.

kathrynladano.com

6. What do you think about the state of popular music today?  Is the quality declining or improving over the last 20 years?

I think much popular music today is crap, and by popular music, I mean the stuff we’re hearing on the radio today. There are plenty of really great bands and artists out there, but we’re just not hearing them because they’re rarely played on commercial radio. I think it’s safe to say that the quality of popular music over the last 20 years has really declined. I think there was a time when certain artists were more concerned with evolving their sound and exploring new territory, and today it seems to be predominantly about just creating commercial hits. I think a lot of bands are also guilty of milking their success by trying to keep replicating the same album over and over without putting much care into diversifying or experimenting. However, that being said, i’m not sure we can place all the blame on commercial artists. Record companies obviously want to make money, and i’m sure a lot of artists are discouraged from trying anything different. Ultimately though, how many bands today have a series of albums in which you can hear a very clear, deliberate change and evolution in sound and style? Not very many, and definitely not Nickelback!

7. What do you think the role of computers should be in music today?  Some people feel they rob the music of a live feel, due to the ease of making corrections and adding tracks.

I actually think computers can play a very interesting role in music today. There are some interesting programs out there such as Max/MSP which allow a performer to combine their acoustic sound with the electronic and be able to manipulate it on the spot. I think this can create a lot of interesting sonic possibilities and can really enhance a performance. I’ve played around a little with electroacoustic composition, such as my piece “Open Strain”, and I think for me, the joining of live, acoustic sound, and processed, or pre-recorded electronic sounds is what I enjoy the most, both as a performer and as a listener. That being said, I have been to concerts in which all you’re watching is someone sitting at a laptop, and visually, it’s just not very interesting. When I go to a live performance, I want to see the artists displaying some kind of expression, and sitting at a laptop just doesn’t do it for me.

8. What popular bands today are carrying the flag for intregrity in music?

Radiohead is for sure doing this. Their sound has evolved so much from their first album to their last, and you can tell that they are actively exploring new territory and are not simply concerned with producing commercial hits. I think it’s great that they have maintained such an impressive level of success and popularity too – obviously there is still a large market out there for more progressive music that perhaps record companies are neglecting to acknowledge. People will always disagree about what you should be more concerned about – creating music for yourself, or creating music for the public. For me personally, I think I create for myself first, and the bands I admire the most are the ones that appear to also take that approach.


9. Is it possible to make a living simply out of creating music anymore?  Or has that day come and gone?  How does one do this as a viable living?

It is, but it certainly isn’t easy. Times have definitely changed though and artists are relying more and more on social media to promote themselves. You don’t need a record label anymore to release a CD, and many artists are doing their own recordings and promotion. There are a lot of great sites out now too that help promote independent artists such as reverbnation and soundcloud which allow artists to build their fan bases gradually without big money behind them. Also, I know of several artists who are funding their albums with fan donations. I think the big problem though is time. It takes time to promote yourself and tour, and get your name out there – and it’s difficult to have both an income and the necessary time to work on your craft. People do it though. Ultimately if you’re determined enough and are willing to make the necessary sacrifices, I think it can be done.
10:  Some bands like Radiohead have taken the unusual step of giving away albums (In Rainbows) for free digitally.  What do you think this does to the value of music?  And do you prefer have an album digitally or physically?

I think Radiohead wanted to try something different in response to the changing music industry. When that album was released, I went out and purchased a physical copy without a second thought. I personally still much prefer to have a physical album in my hands. I continue to go out and buy them and build my collection. Yes, I use itunes and own digital music, but the vast majority of my digital music collection is duplicated in physical form. I have very conflicting ideas about all of it. On the one hand, I think Radiohead offered their album for free as a way of countering piracy and trying to control the value of their music. But on the other hand, it takes so much time, energy, money, and resources to create one track which is only valued at 99 cents on itunes. As a buyer, i’m happy to pay that small amount to get a song that I want, but as an artist, I only receive 75 cents or less when someone buys one of my tracks. It’s worth it if people buy your tracks constantly, but in my genre, that just isn’t reality. I make more selling copies of physical CDs, but that isn’t what most people want anymore. *

GUEST REVIEW: Steel Panther – Balls Out & Feel the Steel

LeBrain will always be straight with you when he doesn’t know something.  I have had a few requests for a write up on Steel Panther.  The problem is, I’ve never actually listened to Steel Panther.  Maybe I should change that.

So I asked the infamous T-Rev, aka Trevor from the Record Store Tales to see if he could do a review. He could, and he did. Enjoy.

STEEL PANTHER:  Feel the Steel (2009) & Balls Out (2011)

  

Steel Panther: Your New Favourite Band, by T-Rev

Michael Starr, Satchel, Lexxi Foxx, and Stix Zadinia are Steel Panther. The X-rated, Spinal Tap-esque modern day Hair band.  Intent on bringing back Heavy Metal , with a sound that will impress any fan of the “hair” genre.   Formed with ex-members of various metal bands in the 1990’s ( Rob Halford’s Fight, Paul Gilbert’s Racer X, and L.A. Guns!) originally as Metal Skool (yes…Metal’s Cool) in the early 2000’s, and a brief stint as Danger Kitty (getting some recognition on MTV and the Drew Carey Show).   Feel the Steel, the first album as Steel Panther, stands out because of its period-correct guitar assaults, its bandana wearing 4-armed drummer and the spandex covered, lipstick sporting, teased hair bass player, (reminding me of Warrant circa Cherry Pie mixed with some early Motley Crue attitude!) and of course, its lyrics!

Feel the Steel has it all, killer riffs  (often mimicking classic tunes of the past like “Fuck All Night, Party All Day’s” intentional resemblance to Bon Jovi’s “Livin’ On A Prayer”)  Hilariously refreshing lyrics (like the first time you ever heard “Fuck Her Gently” by the D) throw in some top notch guest star clout (Justin Hawkins duets with Michael Starr) and top it off with manufactured “rock star” personas (a la Spinal Tap), and you’ve got all the best parts of what a hair metal band should be…SEX & DRUGS & ROCK ‘N’ ROLL!  Crazy stories of sex with asian hookers, sex with fat girls, sex with neighbours, and copious amounts of “blow”, all done in a way you’d never expect…even though it feels strangely familiar.   Sounding like it came from 1989, but containing enough modern relevance to remind you it’s current.   After about the first verse, I knew I was a fan for good.  “Eminem can suck it, so can Dr. Dre, or they can suck each other…just because they’re gay” screams Starr on “Death To All But Metal”.  “Two in the pink, one in the stink”describes the “Shocker” to newcomers.  And “You’re the only girl that I like to screw…when I’m not on the road,” Michael reassures his girl on “Community Property”. 

Balls Out, their sophomore effort, continues where F.T.S. left off.  A lot of the same sexual scenarios, but the music seems to have picked up another gear, with more focus on riffage (bigger, faster, louder).   The lyrics, however, are lacking the furious onslaught they had on F.T.S.   Perhaps because the initial shock is over, now I expect it!  There is more celebrity name-dropping than before…mentioning that Charlie Sheen “is winning in the bedroom upstairs”, and that Tiger Woods thinks “3 holes are better than a hole in one”.    A good album upon first listen…just didn’t have the impact that Feel the Steel did on me.  Having said that, this album grows on you…big time!  Like any good album…it takes a while for their sauce to mix with yours!

I should also discuss Starr’s instrument…this guys voice is classic, vintage, powerful, cheesy, awesome, hilarious, and adaptive!  Vocal range that would bring a tear to Dio’s eye, heartfelt (x-rated), ballads on par with anything Bon Jovi or Poison ever did, rockers that could have appeared on stage with the great Bon Scott!   I don’t mean to come across as though I consider this band “flawless”, but, these guys are PRO’s!   Certainly impressive musically…sometimes though, they sway over the cheese line a bit, and even take the lyrics too far, but all in all, I do love these albums.  Afterall, isn’t it the cheese that we now love about 80’s metal? 

You really get the feeling that these guys are true fans of metal, not just cashing in on the novelty of wearing spandex and makeup.  Much like the ribbing the Darkness took during their invasion, some people misunderstood the flattery for ridicule.  True fans see past the hair and hear the talent in the music…every time I listen to them, they get better!  Like a drug that you can’t get enough of…you want to hear it again and again.   In a world where Justin Beiber and Nickelback win music awards, this is a welcome addiction.   A perfect mix of metal and comedy!  Destined to become a staple at everyone’s annual “sausagefest”

Feel the Steel    5/5

Balls Out              4/5

REVIEW: Nickelback – Dark Horse

First of all, this Victoria Day weekend, I would like to apologize to the nations of the world, for Nickelback.  You forgave us for Celine, you forgave us for Bryan Adams, do we get three strikes?

NICKELBACK – Dark Horse 

the only thing that could make me feel worse about my life would be to play bass for nickelback. — Mike Jackson, actor, “Trevor” on Trailer Park Boys.

As if Nickelback weren’t bad enough on their own, here comes Mutt Lange to “polish” their sound! The result is an album that — guess what! — sounds like a cross between Nickelback and Def Leppard. Don’t believe me? Check out those “HEY”‘s on “Shakin’ Hands”. Lifted straight out of “Pour Some Sugar On Me”, but without the sugar.  This is more like aspartame.

In fact this is one of the least fun album about beer and chicks that I’ve ever heard. Kroeger’s overwrought, over-serious singing style makes this one tedious listen. I’ve never heard a “party” band take themselves so seriously before. Even Metallica don’t take themselves this seriously.

The lyr-yucks are a nauseating mix of cliche after cliche, stripper after stripper, beer after beer. But without a wink and a smile, like David Lee Roth used to do. This time, nobody’s laughing.

Worst songs:
“Something In Your Mouth” (how can a band write such stupid lyrics? With rapping?)
“This Afternoon” (a pretty dour sounding party)
“Shakin’ Hands” (Nickelfunk?)
“If Today Was Your Last Day” (philosphy 4 dummies )

There’s a reason Nickelback are hated by millions and got rocks thrown at them in Greece. This album boils it all down into one handy package for you to piss on.

No stars.

My favourite thing about Chad Kroeger is how dumb he sounds when he’s trying to sound smart!