It’s the first Sunday Chuckle of 2018!
Jen and I were picking up her mom at the downtown train station. I spotted this guy with a box strapped to his backpack. Pretty smart, I thought! An original and unique solution to travel.
I really had this coming. In Part 314 (The Musical Crimes of Mrs. LeBrain) I exposed the somewhat embarrassing contents of Jen’s CD wallet. I knew retribution would come. Enjoy this penultimate episode of Record Store Tales, and its final guest shot, courtesy of Mrs. LeBrain. (Warning: LOTS of pictures!)
RECORD STORE TALES Part 319: The Musical Crimes of LeBrain
#10 HIM – And Love Said No. That deep dark gothic prince Ville Valo makes lonely girls swoon, but he is also hanging out on LeBrain’s shelf.
#9 Soundtrack – SMALL SOLDIERS. I don’t know how this made it into the LeBrain home. I understand his need for everything Geddy Lee has ever created, but “Mixed by DJ Z-Trip“?? Is that really worth it? (Not to mention that you have to rock out to Bone Thugs-N-Harmony to get there.)
#8 ROD STEWART – “If We Fall In Love Tonight” CD single. Going through my adventure here, I came across this single, designed to get the listener to first base. YOU’RE MARRIED. THAT SHIT DOESN’T NEED TO STAY.
#7 Soundtrack – THE KARATE KID, Part III. “Wax on, wax off.” The case and book for this CD do not meet the demanding criteria that LeBrain enforces on his collection, but neither does the track list. (I don’t know who most of these people are, but I have heard of the Pointer Sisters.)
#6 WOODSTOCK 99 – Various. Look at the first six tracks from crap bands, and try not to laugh (a challenging task). The second CD is just as bad.
#5 Soundtrack – SON IN LAW. The Pauly Shore franchise was known for making really bad movies. The soundtracks are not much better and this shouldn’t be taking up valuable shelf space.
#4 ELMOPALOOZA – Various. If LeBrain were a daddy, this CD might make sense (Steven Tyler has a song about trash). But LeBrain is childless, and Tickle-Me-Elmo is pretty pointless here!
#3 ZZ TOP: A Tribute From Friends – Various. Three words:
MIKE OWNS NICKELBACK!
#2 AVRIL LAVIGNE – The Lavigne Collection (see below). In Part 314, LeBrain threw me under the bus for wanting to marry Joey Mac from New Kids on the Block, 25 years ago. Payback time! Just because he wanted to be her “Sk8tr Boi” doesn’t mean he needed to buy her entire repertoire.
And #1! HIT ZONE 4 – Various. LeBrain’s messiest musical moments have been in his “Various” section, but this one takes the cake. My husband owns tracks by NSync, the Backstreet Boys and Boyz II Men? And to top it off this boy band festival, here’s Hanson! Regardless, I think the most disturbing thing about this CD is cover. Look at the scratches and scrapes on the case. This tells me the CD has been well enjoyed.
LeBrain, with all the mess on YOUR shelves, you really can’t make fun of me. But no matter what crap you listen to, you’re still mine.
– Mrs. LeBrain
NEXT TIME ON RECORD STORE TALES…
End of the Line!
Happy Friday, everyone. WTF Search Terms is a series in which I reveal actual search terms that somehow led real people to mikeladano.com. This time I asked my buddy Chris to pick 10 of his favourites from the pile, which he did — along with his own commentary. Enjoy!
WTF Search Terms XV: Fan Favorites – Thussy Edition
Lebrain has wanted me to collaborate with him for a while, and I am no writer, so we decided to do a WTF Search Terms. He sent me a big list of weird search terms, and all I can say is a lot of people looking for porn found Lebrain’s blog. Also, no one can spell anymore. So, keep reading below to find out my top ten WTF Search Terms!
10. google videos jethu tull too juong old to rock and roll and too juomg to died
“Me fail English? That’s un-possible!”
9. boobsy animation whores wearing glasses acquire screwed hardcore 4 full animation
Someone was looking for some very specific porn, and ran into Lebrain.
8. toronto shemales tumblr
“If the girl did something to you but you didn’t do it back then you didn’t really do anything.”
7. videos da bada white snack
I had to include this one, because it apparently got 9 hits! Why?
6. oshawa women that like to fuck
Local easy girls, for when hookers are too expensive.
5. marilyn manson without ribs
Even I know that rumour isn’t true.
a. queensryche queensryche eyes of the strangers japan bonus
b. queensryche queensryche eye of the strangers japan import
c. queensrycheeye of the strangers japan bonus youtube
Japanese imports are very expensive.
3. sequined bathrobe
I think Lebrain has one of these.
2. poop in the shower guy
I remember when Lebrain first told me this story, still don’t understand why you would do that.
1. trailer park boys model train rod stewart
Where does Rod Stewart fit into this? “You know what, Patrick Swayze uses illegal parts. That is why he’s winning all the time.”
RECORD STORE TALES Part 246: Dancing Steve
One of our best customers at the original store was Dancing Steve. I’ll get to why he’s named Dancing Steve in a minute, but I first met Steve when I started at the store. Steve would come in or call looking for various cassettes (never CDs), and put them on hold until he had $150 or $200 worth, and buy them all in one shot. That’s just how Steve rolled. Normally we would never stockpile so much inventory for a customer for so long, but Steve spent so much money and was so pleasant that it was a special arrangement just for him.
Steve would call looking for songs. I can remember putting a Gina Vannelli tape on hold for Steve, and I also remember him looking for Rod Stewart’s then-recent song “This”. I found that song on Rod’s latest, the excellent A Spanner in the Works. It was always so nice dealing with him, he was so friendly, and even if we didn’t see him for two months at a time, he was uber-reliable.
I knew Steve was a hockey fan as he would often wear a Kitchener Rangers hat or jacket. What I did not know was that Steve was legendary among Rangers fans! Steve often wrote (and I think he occasionally still does) long letters to the editor of the local newspaper, cheering on our Rangers and offering his strategic advice.
T-Rev and I found ourselves at a Rangers game one weekend. I don’t remember the circumstances. We may have got the tickets for free, but neither of us were particularly fans of the game back then. The Rangers scored, the crowd cheered! Then, T-Rev noticed some commotion in the seats of one corner of the auditorium. To our left and down was a man in a Rangers jacket and hat, dancing. It wasn’t a sophisticated dance, it was a bit of an awkward shuffle, in that big warm Rangers jacket. The crowd loved it, cheering him on! It was none other than Steve, our Steve. I found out his actual nickname in town was Dancing Steve, because he had seasons tickets and rarely missed a game. Steve would get up and dance any time something good happened: a goal, a power play, whatever!
To this day, I feel cool that a local legend like Dancing Steve was one of our earliest, most loyal customers. In fact we didn’t lose Steve until 1997, when we discontinued carrying cassettes. Steve didn’t make the transition over to CD. He was crushed when T-Rev had to tell him we weren’t going to be selling tapes anymore.
I have been to a couple Rangers game since, but not seen Steve. I know he still goes though, as I’ve heard tell that Dancing Steve dances on at the Aud. I would like to dedicate this chapter to Steve, an example of a jolly good fellow if there ever was one!
TOMORROW: Something exciting.