star trek

#1220: The Maxell Tapes and the Rules of Acquisition

RECORD STORE TALES #1220: The Maxell Tapes and the Rules of Acquisition

The year was 1997.  We carried blank tapes at the Beat Goes On, and had for some time.  I believe in 1997 we were carrying Maxell tapes of various grades.  After that, we switched to Sony.  We only carried two lengths, which were the most popular:  60 minutes, and 90 minutes.

We sold them as singles, and we also created “bricks” of three tapes, by using Scotch tape to package them together.  We would sell the “bricks” for a discount compared to single tapes.  Obviously with this being so long ago, I cannot remember the exact pricing, so let’s say it went like this:

  • Maxell UR60 – $1.59 each
  • Maxell UR90 – $1.99 each
  • 3 pack brick of Maxell UR60 – $3.99 each
  • 3 pack brick of Maxell UR90 – $4.99 each

We also sold the Maxell XL-II tapes which were more expensive, but let’s keep things simple for these purposes.  We’ll just talk about the UR tapes.

One afternoon, we were running low on tapes and waiting for a restock order.  I had sold out of the UR90 bricks, but still had some singles for sale.

A girl walked up to the counter and asked if she could get a deal if she bought three Maxell UR90 tapes.  I said sure, and grabbed my calculator so see what it would be.  I punched in some numbers, and didn’t check my math.  Having clumsy fingers, I have learned I need to punch in numbers twice when adding on a calculator, but back then I wasn’t in this habit.

“$5.99 for three tapes,” I told her.

“Sounds good,” she said.  We processed the transaction and she left happily with her three Maxell UR90 tapes.

Only then did I realize that I charged her more than the three tapes would have sold for originally.

“Damn!!” I said out loud.  I ripped her off.

We had a saying for when we ripped off a customer, either on purpose or by accident.  (An example of “on purpose” would include selling a “used” copy of a CD as “new”, which we sometimes did when a sufficiently mint “used/new” copy came in.)  The saying was this:

“Pure profit.”

Like a Ferengi reciting the rules of acquisition, I consoled myself with the knowledge that the bossman made an extra three cents that day on some Maxell blank tapes.

FERENGI RULES OF ACQUISITION (which the Beat Goes On usually followed where applicable):

 

Number Rule Episode
1 Once you have their money, you never give it back. DS9: “The Nagus“, “Heart of Stone“; PRO: “First Con-tact“
3 Never spend more for an acquisition than you have to. DS9: “The Maquis, Part II“
6 Never allow family to stand in the way of opportunity. DS9: “The Nagus“; ENT: “Acquisition“
7 Keep your ears open. DS9: “In the Hands of the Prophets“
8 Small print leads to large risk. LD: “Parth Ferengi’s Heart Place“
9 Opportunity plus instinct equals profit. DS9: “The Storyteller“; LD: “Hear All, Trust Nothing“
10 Greed is eternal. DS9: “Prophet Motive“; VOY: “False Profits“
16 A deal is a deal. DS9: “Melora“
17 A contract is a contract is a contract… but only between Ferengi. DS9: “Body Parts“
18 A Ferengi without profit is no Ferengi at all. DS9: “Heart of Stone“, “Ferengi Love Songs“
21 Never place friendship above profit. DS9: “Rules of Acquisition“; PRO: “First Con-tact“
22 A wise man can hear profit in the wind. DS9: “Rules of Acquisition“; VOY: “False Profits“
23 Nothing is more important than your health… except for your money. ENT: “Acquisition“
31 Never make fun of a Ferengi’s mother. DS9: “The Siege“
33 It never hurts to suck up to the boss. DS9: “Rules of Acquisition“, “The Dogs of War“
34 War is good for business. DS9: “Destiny“, “The Siege of AR-558“
35 Peace is good for business. TNG: “The Perfect Mate“; DS9: “Destiny“
45 Expand or die. ENT: “Acquisition“; VOY: “False Profits“
47 Don’t trust a man wearing a better suit than your own. DS9: “Rivals“
48 The bigger the smile, the sharper the knife. DS9: “Rules of Acquisition“
57 Good customers are as rare as latinum. Treasure them. DS9: “Armageddon Game“
59 Free advice is seldom cheap. DS9: “Rules of Acquisition“
62 The riskier the road, the greater the profit. DS9: “Rules of Acquisition“, “Little Green Men“, “Business as Usual“; LD: “Parth Ferengi’s Heart Place“
74 Knowledge equals profit. VOY: “Inside Man“
75 Home is where the heart is, but the stars are made of latinum. DS9: “Civil Defense“
76 Every once in a while, declare peace. It confuses the hell out of your enemies. DS9: “The Homecoming“
91 Your boss is only worth what he pays you. LD: “Old Friends, New Planets“
94 Females and finances don’t mix. DS9: “Ferengi Love Songs“, “Profit and Lace“
95 Expand or die. VOY: “False Profits“; ENT: “Acquisition“
98 Every man has his price. DS9: “In the Pale Moonlight“
102 Nature decays, but latinum lasts forever. DS9: “The Jem’Hadar“
103 Sleep can interfere with… DS9: “Rules of Acquisition“
109 Dignity and an empty sack is worth the sack. DS9: “Rivals“
111 Treat people in your debt like family… exploit them. DS9: “Past Tense, Part I“, “The Darkness and the Light“
112 Never have sex with the boss’ sister. DS9: “Playing God“
125 You can’t make a deal if you’re dead. DS9: “The Siege of AR-558“
139 Wives serve, brothers inherit. DS9: “Necessary Evil“
168 Whisper your way to success. DS9: “Treachery, Faith and the Great River“
190 Hear all, trust nothing. DS9: “Call to Arms“
194 It’s always good business to know about new customers before they walk in your door. DS9: “Whispers“
203 New customers are like razor-toothed gree-worms. They can be succulent, but sometimes they bite back. DS9: “Little Green Men“
208 Sometimes the only thing more dangerous than a question is an answer. DS9: “Ferengi Love Songs“; PRO: “First Con-tact“
211 Employees are the rungs on the ladder of success. Don’t hesitate to step on them. DS9: “Bar Association“
214 Never begin a business negotiation on an empty stomach. DS9: “The Maquis, Part I“
217 You can’t free a fish from water. DS9: “Past Tense, Part I“
223 Unknown, but presumably concerned the relationship between “keeping busy” and “being successful”. DS9: “Profit and Loss“
229 Latinum lasts longer than lust. DS9: “Ferengi Love Songs“
239 Never be afraid to mislabel a product. DS9: “Body Parts“
263 Never allow doubt to tarnish your lust for latinum. DS9: “Bar Association“
285 No good deed ever goes unpunished. DS9: “The Collaborator“, “The Sound of Her Voice“
289? Shoot first, count profits later. LD: “Old Friends, New Planets“
Unknown A man is only worth the sum of his possessions. ENT: “Acquisition“

From the Star Trek Memory Alpha wiki

 

A Friday Hang with Johnny Metal & Mike Ladano – Classical Music, Quiet Riot, Lego Jazz, Movie Props and more!

Thank you to John Clauser of My Music Corner for joining me for an impromptu Friday afternoon!  I wanted to finish showing off my birthday hauls, because there was some cool stuff still to be seen.  Possibly the coolest of them was a Star Trek:  Strange New Worlds plaque made by the propmaster on that show and purchased directly from him.  I also received a replica lamp from the Star Wars series Andor, and a Tchaikovsky CD.  This led to an informative back-and-forth about classical music in the comments, led by Pete Jones.

John Clauser brought with him some personal stories and rare copies of his own music.  One is an album that he played some guitar on, one is an album of his own making, and another is a live DVD recorded at a coffee house!  He also has a demo tape of his early W.A.S.P.-influenced solo music.

Quiet Riot was an artist that John spotlighted, with a bonus Randy Rhoads bootleg.  He also brought a double live Accept — a prelude to his next big deep dive series on My Music Corner!

The final thing I had to show off was my Lego Jazz quartet, which ironically, Aaron received for his birthday a few days ago.

Thanks to everyone for the lively comments.  This is why I love going live.  See you next time!

#1128: Evil Kirk

RECORD STORE TALES #1128: Evil Kirk

It seems like a lifetime ago, that I co-wrote and recorded the only song I’m on that has ever been officially released. On August 6 2010, I sat down at my computer and wrote the lyrics to what would become one of the strangest songs on Kathryn Ladano’s CD, Open.  And yes, you can buy it on iTunes or on compact disc.  Just search for Ladano!

Kathryn performs mostly improvised instrumental music, and “Evil Kirk” was to be the only spoken word piece on the album.  I had been bugging her for a while to appear on one of her albums, but considering that I’m not a very good singer, and she doesn’t use vocals, it seemed all but impossible.  I had thrown around an idea of doing an “Optimus Prime Trilogy” – the life, death, life, death, life, and final death of the Marvel Comics version of the character.  This didn’t click with her, but eventually she thought of doing something about Captain Kirk.  “Evil Kirk” refers to the original Star Trek episide “The Enemy Within”, in which a transporter accident splits Kirk into good and evil halves.  Kathryn loved the episode (probably because there was an alien puppy dog with a horn and antennae), and she really loved William Shatner’s hilariously overwrought performance.

We had an idea of doing the lyrics as a rough series of favourite Kirk quotes.  We’d avoid the obvious stuff like “Khaaaaaaan!” and focus on some of our personal favourites.  On a personal level, I wanted to honour all eras of Kirk to date, which meant the Chris Pine movies too.  Today, Paul Wesley plays an excellent modern take on the character in Strange New Worlds, but when we recorded “Evil Kirk”, Chris Pine was the guy.

We did four takes.  I present to you the lyrics to “Evil Kirk” as they appear in my notes, with notations on the origins of each Kirk quote.  This is not exactly word for word how it went on the album, but how I wrote it initially.  Minor changes are a part of improvisation!

 

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times.
Message, Spock?

The Wrath of Khan takes place on Kirk’s birthday.  Spock gifts his friend an ancient printed book of A Tale of Two Cities.  “It was the best of times, it was the worst of times,” is Kirk reading the opening sentence of the novel.  He then asks Spock if there was a hidden meaning to this gift.  None except “happy birthday, surely the best of times.”  But Kirk is not happy getting old and fat behind a desk.  This theme of aging runs through the film.

Of all the souls I have known
His was the most
Human.

I truly believe that Spock’s funeral scene in The Wrath of Khan is some of Shatner’s very best emoting in his long career.  This line comes from his eulogy for his best friend.  When he stumbles and pauses before the word “human”, you can feel the grief as if it were real.  The way his face wrenches up before he says the word…I admit it brings tears to my eyes!

No more blah, blah!

From season one, episode eight:  “Miri”.  A planet of children frustrates Kirk with their chanting of “blah, blah, blah!”  In a rage, Kirk responds “NO MORE BLAH BLAH BLAH!”  I shortened it to “blah blah” because that’s the way it sounded to me.  This is sort of a recurring chorus.

Did I ever tell you, you play an irritating game of chess, Mr. Spock?

From the second pilot episode, “Where No Man Has Gone Before”.  In order to introduce the characters to the TV audience, Spock’s logical side is showcased here.  “Irritation?  Ah yes, one of your Earth emotions,” says Spock before Kirk checkmates him.  “Sure you don’t know what irritation is, Mr. Spock?” smiles Kirk.

So why don’t you get some more guys and it’ll be an even fight.

The first Chris Pine line in the song.  This is from the 2009 Star Trek movie, when a civilian Kirk gets into a bar fight with some Starfleet personnel.

You can whistle really loud, you know that?

Same scene, same movie.  This is when Captain Pike breaks up the brawl and sits Kirk down for a little chat about his future.

No more blah,blah!  

Of all things, a god needs compassion.

From the second pilot episode again.  Kirk’s closest friend since the Academy, Gary Mitchell, has acquired god-like powers.  As he goes slowly mad with power, Kirk reminds him of the fundamentals of godhoood.

What does God need with a starship?

From the much-maligned fifth Trek movie, directed by Shatner himself.  The USS Enterprise goes to find “God” at the center of our galaxy.  The “god” requests the Enterprise to be his chariot.  The charade doesn’t last, as Kirk questions him why a god would need a starship.

Our missions are peaceful…not for conquest.

Season one, episode 18:  One of our favourite episodes, “Arena”.  Known to casual fans as “the one with the Gorn”, Kirk is sent down by the Metrons to do hand to hand combat with an alien lizard.  You can bet, his shirt gets torn.

Worlds are conquered, galaxies destroyed…but a woman is always a woman.

A great line right out of the 1960s, from season one, episode 13:  “The Conscience of the King”.  Known as “the one with Kodos the Executioner”.   This line is regarding Kodos’ beautiful daughter.   Not a personal favourite episode, just a great line.

No more blah, blah!

Take me back! Please! I want to live!
I’m Captain Kirk… I’M CAPTAIN KIRK!

Also from “The Enemy Within”.  The only way to fix the split good/evil Kirk problem is to re-combine them.  Yet, the evil one doesn’t want that.  He wants to live!  This is a moral quandary that Star Trek would revisit again in episodes like “Tuvix”.  A harrowing performance, if campy.

Yeoman, I owe you an explanation…The transporter malfunctioned, divided me, created a duplicate…The animal part of me came to your cabin…He even scratched me to make us look more alike…I’d like the chance to explain it to you…You don’t mind if I come to your cabin later?

A great line from “The Enemy Within”, as Evil Kirk tries to seduce Janice Rand, played by Grace Lee Whitney in season one of the show.   The Evil Kirk is lying of course.  He is up to no good!

No more blah,blah!

Second star to the right…and straight on ’til morning.

From Peter Pan, but also from Star Trek VI: The Undiscovered Country (“the one with Kim Cattrall”).  On the Enterprise-A’s final voyage, they are ordered to return home for decommissioning.  Kirk and crew decide to tell Starfleet to “go to hell”.  When asked for course and heading, Kirk responds with the Peter Pan line.  This is also something of a throwback to the ending of the very first Star Trek motion picture.  When asked for a course, Kirk responds, “Over there…thataway.”

Everybody remember where we parked.

A funny line from Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home.  The crew park a cloaked Klingon Bird of Prey in the middle of a park in Los Angeles, circa 1986.  The film might be better known as “the one with the whales”.

How we deal with death is at least as important as how we deal with life.

Kirk’s line of wisdom to Saavik, played by Kirstie Alley, in Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan.  When she fails the Kobayashi Maru test, a no-win scenario, Saavik questions the purpose of a test where everyone dies, in every possible situation.

If Spock were here, he’d say that I was an irrational, illogical human being for going on a mission like this…
Sounds like fun!

I felt I had to be inclusive, and I couldn’t ignore Kirk’s only appearance in a Next Generation-era project.  Star Trek: Generations (“the one where Kirk dies”) is derided by many fans for a swirly-wirly timey-wimey plot and some continuity issues, which we will get to.  This line here is a fan-service reference to Spock, when Picard offers Kirk one more chance to “make a difference”.

No more blah,blah!

I’ve always known…I’ll die alone.

Speaking of continuity, this line from Star Trek V: The Final Frontier (“the one where they meet God”) is a problem.  When Kirk eventually dies, Picard is by his side.  Fans have ret-conned this to mean that Kirk knew he would die without any of his friends.

What is a Man, but that… lofty spirit… that sense of, Enterprise! That devotion to something that cannot be Sensed… cannot be… Realized, but only… DREAMED! The HIGHEST Reality!

Season two, episode eight:  “I, Mudd!”  The second of several appearances for Harcourt Fenton Mudd, delightful rogue and scammer.  Played by Roger C. Carmel in the original and animated series, Mudd was later portrayed by Rainn Wilson in Star Trek: Discovery and Short Treks.  In “I, Mudd”, a planet of human-like androids is the scene for a comedic Trek.  Kirk’s line here is about what it means to be human, a common theme in all of Star Trek.

It was…fun.

Kirk’s final line of dialogue to Picard, before he dies in Generations.  Fans actually cheered his death in theaters.  That’s when Paramount knew their movie was in serious trouble.

KHAN!

OK, so I did use the line initially, but during the performance, we knew it wasn’t right.  Ending it with “It was…fun” made more sense.

And that’s “Evil Kirk” for you, line by line.  I wish I could do just one more take of it, as I think I have better control of my voice now, but I think the final version is pretty good.

 

#1077: Lunch With Aaron & Son

RECORD STORE TALES #1077: Lunch With Aaron & Son

In the last five years, my world has changed drastically.  We lost Jen’s mom, we’ve lost friends, but on the positive side, we’ve also lost weight!  The world has gone through a transformative pandemic, but one constant is Aaron KMA, a man I have not seen since 2018.  I am happy to report that Aaron is still out there being Aaron – bearing gifts and warmth as always!

We met halfway, at the Elk & Finch in Southampton Ontario.  He brought his son, who I’ve never met before, but has good taste in hamburgers.  We sat down to some amazing food, including the best smoked salmon I’ve ever tasted in my life.  This is it: as good as it gets.

Food aside, I knew Aaron would arrive bearing gifts, and as usual, he did:  Books, CDs, and more.  Let’s have a gander, shall we?  Let’s go through the contents of Aaron’s gift bag bit by bit.

Not pictured, there were four bottle of Iron Maiden’s Trooper beer!  Not pictured because I didn’t think I should pull out liquor of my own at a restaurant.  You understand of course!  You are probably familiar with this acclaimed brew already.  That made up a lot of the weight of the gift bag.  Much of the rest of the weight was taken up by books.  One book specifically.

The big one is The Art of Classic Rock by Paul Brushkin, with foreward by Alice Cooper.  Aaron has showed this off on my show before.  We also have rock magazines (with CDs)!  Other reading:  Gods of the Hammer by Geoff Pevere, the story of Teenage Head.  The “Hammer” in this case is Hamilton Ontario.  Keeping a punk vibe, Aaron also gave me Perfect Youth: The Birth of Canadian Punk by Sam Sutherland.  Finally, it’s The Story of Tommy which is really gorgeous!

I’m very excited about the music.  I actually didn’t own a copy of Garbage’s self titled debut, until now.  This one is signed by all four members, and lo and behold, it’s dedicated to Mike!  Just a coincidence I assure you but how cool is that?  I now also owned Backwaxed by Anvil, which I was missing until now, and now I also own the Hip side project Stripper’s Union.

I get more and more excited the further we go!

These Hot Wheels are really cool.  I think I need to open them.  The Yellow Submarine (Beatles) is groovy.  The USS Enterprise though…I just enjoy swooshing those ships around.  This Enterprise is NCC-1701 from the 2009 film Star Trek, directed by JJ Abrams and starring Chris Pine as Captain Kirk.  (I have to be honest, I prefer Paul Wesley’s Kirk from Strange New Worlds, which I am trying to get Aaron to watch!)  I enjoy these very much, and this is not the first time Aaron has found an appropriate Hot Wheels to gift me.

Onto the shirt, which was actually the first item in the bag.  Jeff Woods is legendary in my circles – he is THE Legend of Classic Rock.  Jeff Woods even contributed to the Sausagefest countdowns a number of times.  Aaron, however, isn’t a radio listener and isn’t intimate with the works of Mr. Woods as I am.   Yet Aaron found this shirt, thought of me, and put it in the bag.  I am thrilled.  This is a shirt I would have bought myself anyway!

Finally…

I just loved the Sheik.  I have always loved the Sheik.  He was one of the greatest villains in WWF history.  We talked to Spenny about the Iron Sheik back in May on Grab A Stack of Rock.  And now I have a little loveable stuffed Sheik of my own.   I couldn’t be more happy.  This is the kind of gift that just screams “Mike”.

 

Aaron, it was a delight to hook up again and finally meet your son.  I hope we do something like this again soon.  I could go for some salmon again.  And the coffee was great too.

Three cheers for Aaron!

 

 

#1041: The Badge

Not everyone watches Grab A Stack of Rock with Mike and the Mad Metal Man (though you certainly should!) and some of the tales told deserve a re-telling.

In 1991-1992, I got seriously into Star Trek: The Next Generation.  There were a lot of reasons.  I was now in university, and there as always a stereotype that university intellectual types all watched Star Trek.  I liked that and went for it.  Gene Roddenberry’s passing certain revived my interest, as did the final Star Trek film with the original cast, The Undiscovered Country.  With the original having taken their final bow, it was a pleasant surprised to see Leonard Nimoy return as Spock on the two-part TNG episode “Unification 1 & II”.  Like anything else I find myself suddenly interested in, I bought all the manuals, model kits, and collectables I could get my hands on.  I shaved my sideburns with the Starfleet delta shape, per regulations.  I was always a fan, but now I was a Trekkie.  Not Trekker.  I find that word cumbersome.  Trekkie.

Walter Koenig (Chekov) did a few appearances on the Canadian Home Shopping Network selling overpriced Trek goodies.  We were glued to the screen the whole night.  Koenig was always one of the most fan-friendly of the original cast and you couldn’t help but like him.  The network were hawking stuffed Tribbles, phasers, communicator badges, and all sorts of Trek goodies.

The badges were the TNG style, and you could get them in two ways:  with a soundcard that made the familiar trilling sound when you tapped the badge, or a cheaper version without.  Our parents relented and bought my sister and I each a communicator.  We didn’t even want the soundcard.  We just wanted the pin.

Four to six weeks later, the overpriced pins arrived and we were thrilled with them.  They held secure to your shirt or jacket, and looked legit.

Dr. Kathryn struggled with math at school, and needed a boost of confidence for her exam.  We both wore our badges to school that day.  I told her, “Pretend you can talk to me any time you need math help.”  A small thing but helped her combat the nerves.

Star Trek, always a source of positivity in this world.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Ensign Durling, Captain Kevin, Lt. Cmdr Daniels and Mr. Kopp beam up their Trek collectibles

This time, the Red Shirt didn’t die!  Spoiler alert:  Ensign Durling survived all 1 hour 50 minutes of this show.  It was a marathon but for good reason.  Star Trek is a big part of our lives, and features some pretty incredible music.  Mr. Durling and Lt. Commander Rob Daniels brought a variety of classic soundtracks on vinyl, CD, and cassette.  He also had an original DS9 shooting script!  Interesting items here.  Meanwhile, Captain Kevin brought some books, DVDs and a Hallmark communicator.  Commander Kopp had a cool MAD Magazine compilation of Trek sketches from the classic comedy book.  Most of my hardcore Trek stuff is packaged away in storage, but I had some cool comics, DVDs, and handmade items that are very special to me.

Bonus:  Tim and I dressed in uniform.

Also:  Find out which DVD to watch if you wish to hear Shatner or Nimoy (we don’t know specifically whom) let out a fart.

We had an “Ask Harrison” from the Canadian Snow Turtle, and Tee Bone answered a question from MarriedandHeels regarding the Northern Lights.  Tee Bone’s eloquent answer could even bring a tear to your eye.  You don’t want to miss that.

See you next week for the Karate Kid and Cobra Kai with Dr. Kathryn and Rob Daniels!

Grab A Stack of Trek with Mike, the Mad Metal Man, and the gang

GRAB A STACK OF ROCK…with Mike and the Mad Metal Man
Episode 11:  Star Trek with Rob, Tim and Kevin

Hailing frequencies open, captain!  Tonight Rob Daniels (Visions In Sound), Tim Durling (Tim’s Vinyl Confessions) and Kevin Simister (Canadian Grooves) join Mike and the Mad Metal Man to show off some Star Trek.  I have some records, action figures and handmade items!  I’m not sure what the other guys have, but we will find out tonight.

Beam in at the locations below and join us for warp speed action.

Friday January 13 at 7:00 P.M. E.S.T. Enjoy on YouTube or on Facebook.

VHS Archives #130: Star Trek cast members introduce “Best Dance Video” at the MTV Awards 1993

The 1993 MTV Awards included an awesome performance from Lenny Kravitz with John Paul Jones of Led Zeppelin on bass, and Aerosmith rolling out their new hit “Livin’ On the Edge”.  But I can’t show you those!  For some nerds in the audience, the highlight of the show might have been a video appearance from Brent Spiner and Jonathan Frakes from Star Trek: The Next Generation, and William Shatner himself in a parody of his show Rescue 911.

#890.5: Easter in the Age of Covid, 2.0

It didn’t come as a surprise when the province of Ontario went back into the “grey zone” again last week.  But sad to say, when I asked myself “How will this change my daily routine?,” I had to admit that it wouldn’t.  Easter wasn’t that different from last year.  I did some live streaming, I did some listening, I did some writing.

Actually I did a lot of listening and writing.  Andy Curran (Coney Hatch, Soho 69, Caramel) will be on the show this Friday April 9.  The guy is fount of rock knowledge so this will be quite a tour-de-force, and I have been doing my research.  I’ve been listening to Coney Hatch and solo Andy, on repeat.  I have three Rock Candy remasters here with valuable liner notes and bonus tracks.  I’ve been reading.  Deke will be in seventh heaven getting to talk to one of his heroes.  It’s going to be a lot of fun, and that’s one reason I do this.  It’s fun.

Friday afternoon I went over to my parents’ house to pick up some mail.  Mail theft became a serious issue last year so now I have my mail delivered elsewhere to be collected.  In the mail were two Star Trek movies that I haven’t seen in a long time.  Two years ago, I made the mistake of donating all my Star Trek DVDs while doing a big purge.  I said “No big deal, I’ll just buy a Blu-ray set.”  But none of the Blu-ray sets had the features I wanted from the DVDs.  I have been slowly buying them back, and this weekend I got to star Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan and Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home.

It has been literal years since seeing The Voyage Home, or “the one with the whales”.  Perhaps a decade.  What a perfect film, at least as perfect as any movie with time travel conundrums can be.  I smiled and chuckled the whole way through.

As for Khan, I know I streamed it somewhere fairly recently, but it has been just as many years since I watched the extended director’s cut.  It only adds up to a few minutes here and there, but it was all fresh and new to me.  The restored scenes help clarify the identity of young Peter Preston, who dies in the first attack.  “He stayed at his post, when the trainees ran!” mourned Mr. Scott.  A restored line reveals Peter Preston is Scott’s nephew.  “My sister’s youngest,” he says.  “Crazy to get to space.”  Lines such as this add value to the already perfect film.  Others do not.  Additional exposition was probably cut because it wasn’t necessary.  I did like one in which Kirk explains to Spock who David Marcus is.  “That young man is my son”, says Kirk.  The only reply necessary from Spock:  “Fascinating.”

So I had fun.  I made lots of time to play some music.  I listened to Paul Stanley’s Soul Station, and I’m trying to find a way to be objective about reviewing it.  I like it a lot.  But if anybody else with a better voice put out a similar record, would I give it the time of day?  Unlikely.  So there is a certain hypocrisy there that I must address before I attempt to review it.  But I will.  I genuinely like the album.  But I like it on the same level that I like the Peter Criss solo albums:  as a reasonable facsimile of the real article.  A forgery through the lens of somebody I already like and am familiar with.  Easier to digest.

Tonight:  Easter dinner courtesy of Golf’s Steakhouse, via the generosity of my mom who always spoiled us.  Friday night’s live stream was Easter themed, and viewers were shocked at how spoiled we were as kids.  We got great Easter gifts while other kids got a chocolate bunny.  My sister and I didn’t question it, we just went with it!

Thanks mom for dinner tonight.  I ordered a porterhouse.  It’ll be here in 10 minutes.

Happy Easter my friends.

 

Sunday Screening: “I Hate You” from Star Trek IV

Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home (1986) is remembered for many things, all of them good.  People call it “the one with the whales”, but I call it “the funny one”.  It really was the closest they got to doing flat-out comedy.  (Don’t forget:  director Leonard Nimoy also directed the hit comedy Three Men and a Baby.)  As the second-best Trek (behind The Wrath of Khan), The Voyage Home was successful by utilising the old reliable time travel gimmick.

Sending the crew of the USS Enterprise HMS Bounty back in time to 1986 set up numerous fish-out-of-water sequences.  One of the funniest involved Spock and Kirk on a bus, annoyed by a punk rocker playing a song called “I Hate You” on a boombox.

Just where is our future, the things we’ve done and said!
Let’s just push the button, we’d be better off dead!
‘Cause I hate you!
And I berate you!
And I can’t wait to get to you!

The sins of all our fathers, being dumped on us the sons.
The only choice we’re given is how many megatons?
And I eschew you!
And I say screw you!
And I hope you’re blue, too.

With a single-fingered gesture, the punk refuses to turn it down.  Spock makes the point moot with an ol’ neck pinch.  It’s a brilliant scene.

“I Hate You” was written and performed by associate producer Kirk Thatcher, who also played the punk in the scene.  The full song was never heard in the movie, only a few seconds.  Now you can hear the whole thing on Youtube.  Enjoy!