REVIEW: KISS – Unholy Kisses (1992 bootleg)

UNHOLY KISSES_0002KISS – Unholy Kisses (Audience recorded bootleg, 1992 Flashback)

“You know who we are, let’s kick some ass!”

That’s how Paul Stanley introduced the legendary Kiss on their stripped-down 1992 club tour, April 23 1992 in San Francisco.  The Revenge album was a “reboot” of sorts, out of necessity.  New drummer, new attitude, and a return to the producer (Bob Ezrin) who helped make them huge.  A return to the clubs without the lights, stage show, and costumes helped Kiss transition into the 90’s.  If this one bootleg CD is any indication, then the club tour was a huge success.

Eschewing their normal opening routine, the band entered to the sound of “Love Gun”, but heavier than ever.  Many fans consider the Simmons/Stanley/Kulick/Singer lineup to be among their best, and this live bootleg proves why.  In fantastic voice, Paul leads this devastating lineup to demolish the clubs in their wake.  Full of adrenaline, “Love Gun” is faster than its studio counterpart, and Bruce Kulick creates his own individual guitar solo that fits the track.

Gene’s next on “Deuce”, the new lineup infusing it with menace.  The CD, though obviously a bootleg, sounds great.  Even though the drums are a bit distant you can hear that Eric Singer has come into the band paying homage to the drum parts he inherited.  Then Paul takes a moment to tell the audience that they’ve been so fired up about the way Kiss have been sounding, that they just got to come down to San Fransisco and play.  A rough opening to “Heaven’s On Fire” is a mere hiccup after they get going on the hit single.  For the first time you can clearly hear new guy Eric Singer singing background vocals.

“You ready to hear something old? One of those Kiss klassics?  Bruce – let ’em have a taste.”  Then the shocked audience picked up their jaws as Kiss slammed through “Parasite” for the first time since 1976.  Returning to songs like this was critical for a band who spent the 80’s largely ignoring the deep cuts.

UNHOLY KISSES_0001One thing I love about bootleg CDs is the chance to overhear some audience chatter.  “Shout it Out Loud” however is marred by one nearby fan who keeps singing “You got to have a party,” even when that’s not the current part of the song!  Minor beef, as “Shout it Out Loud” rocks and is another song that was tragically ignored during most of the 80’s.

“How many of you people have Kiss Alive?  Gene must know this one.  Gene’s got Kiss Alive.  Goes like this!”  There begins “Strutter” (also from the first Kiss album) and the crowd goes nuts.  “Dr. Love” follows, with Eric Singer showing off some fancy footwork on the double bass drums.

Fans who were shocked by these old tunes must really have lost their minds when “I Was Made For Loving You”, heavy as hell, tore through the club.  “I Was Made For Loving You” was re-imagined as a chugging metal track and in the club environment, it’s only more raw and aggressive.  Then Paul lets another bomb drop when he introduces “100,000 years” from the first album.  “Oh my God!  I don’t fucking believe it! I do not fucking believe it!” says one nearby fan, obviously excited by this rarity.  It’s incredible how well Bruce and Eric adapted to the sound of old raunchy Kiss.

But what of new Kiss?  The band weren’t ready to start unveiling all the new songs, as Revenge hadn’t even come out yet.  They did roll out two: the first single “Unholy”, and album cut “Take it Off”.

“We got a new album about to come out,” begins Paul.  “And I’ll tell you something, this album is the shit.  I’ll tell you, this album is our fuckin’ Revenge and when you hear the album you’ll know what I’m talking about.”  Indeed, as promised the new songs kick ass, though “Unholy” is kind of awkward in the live setting.  “Take it Off” is more like Kiss.

It’s all oldies from here.   Aside from the new Revenge songs, the most recent track that Kiss played here was “Heaven’s On Fire” from 1984!  (Note: this CD is not the full concert and 1985’s “Tears are Falling” was also played that night.)  I think it’s safe to say that Paul and Gene understand some of the errors in direction they made over the last 10 years, and successfully steered the ship back on track.  “Firehouse” and “Cold Gin” from the first album are present. “I Stole Your Love”, “Detroit Rock City”, and “I Want You” close the CD.  “I Stole Your Love” with the backing vocals of Eric Singer is top-notch!

The songs played that night that aren’t on this CD are “God of Thunder”, “Lick It Up”, “Got Gave Rock and Roll to You II” (its live debut), “Rock and Roll all Nite” and the aforementioned “Tears Are Falling”.  Too bad this is only a single CD bootleg, but bootlegs were so expensive that a double would have cost at least $60-80.  If it was a double, I never would have bought it and heard what I have of this awesome show!

4.5/5 stars

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CD KISStitics

Songs:

  • 5 from Kiss (1974)
  • 2 from Destroyer (1976)
  • 2 from Rock and Roll Over (1976)
  • 2 from Love Gun (1977)
  • 2 from Revenge (1992)
  • 1 from Hotter Than Hell (1974)
  • 1 from Dynasty (1979)
  • 1 from Animalize (1984)

#392: Tyler and LeBrain episode 5 – The Final Chapter

WHITE FLAG

RECORD STORE TALES Mk II: Getting More Tale
#392: Tyler and LeBrain episode 5 – The Final Chapter

It is time to admit defeat!

Check out the whole series:

#334: Tyler and LeBrain episode 1 – Nickelback
#339: Tyler and LeBrain episode 2 – Monster Truck & More
#343: Tyler and LeBrain episode 3 – The French Invasion
#345: Tyler and LeBrain episode 4 – Return of the Monster Truck

REVIEW: Lynch Mob – Wicked Sensation (1990)

This review comes by request of reader Wardy, and Jon Wilmenius!

LYNCH MOB_0001LYNCH MOB – Wicked Sensation (1990 Elektra)

When Dokken split, everybody more or less expected George Lynch to take it a little heavier.  “Wild” Mick Brown (drums) stuck with him, and together to put together a band including newcomers Oni Logan (vocals) and Anthony Esposito (bass).  Lynch praised his name band, which had to be dubbed Lynch Mob, because it’s just too obvious not to.

George was championing his new singer Logan all over the press, “best singer I’ve ever worked with,” yada yada.  It was with slight disappointment that I finally heard Logan on the opening title track/lead single, “Wicked Sensation”.  Logan boasted a rough, unpolished bluesy voice akin to Ray Gillen.  He didn’t have a tremendous range but he was very different from the frictionless Don Dokken.  Logan relied on his bluesy, raspy wail to nail the choruses.

“Wicked Sensation” is a great introduction to Lynch Mob.  George did indeed go groovier and heavier than Dokken had been lately.  The song delivered a heavy chorus, a juggernaut groove, and Oni Logan’s sleazy howls.  It was not commercial but it was promising.  The second single “River of Love” was unfortunately more or less a generic rock track.  Where “Wicked Sensation” shook us to the core, “River of Love” merely sounded same-old, same-old to my teenage ears.

The musicianship is impeccable (especially “Street Fighting Man”), and certainly Anthony Esposito’s post-Lynch Mob discography has proved his worth.  George had the opportunity to shred as he hadn’t before, exploring different tones in his solos and rhythms.  It’s not a “guitar” album and there are no instrumentals, but it is heavy on the guitars.  The unfortunate thing is bland songwriting.  Many choruses lack hooks.  Other songs, such as “Sweet Sister Mercy” (generic title or what?) have a good chorus, but little else.

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Standouts:

The aforementioned “Wicked Sensation” is an obvious highlight, a song that more or less forces you to pay attention to it.  “All I Want” has a cool, laid-back sleaze groove.  (Logan does really well on this one.)  “She’s Evil But She’s Mine” is a great little track, slinky but still heavy.  “No Bed of Roses” is a smoking hot rocker that just kicks ass.  It has probably the single best chorus on the album.  “For A Million Years” is also above par.

I don’t feel a lot of love for the rest of the album, which sort of becomes a soundalike soup of Lynch guitars and Logan wails.  Bottom line, there needed to be more focus on the songs.  While every track has its own jaw-dropping moments, there just aren’t enough hooks to stick to your ears like peanut butter in the mouth.  Even the ballad, “Through These Eyes” (obviously written in the mold of “Alone Again”) fades from the memory as soon as the song ends.

Wicked Sensation kicks ass, but it leaves me wanting.

3/5 stars

#391.5: Mail from Cataraqui

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RECORD STORE TALES MkII: Getting More Tale
#391.5: Mail from Cataraqui

I got mail!

The only thing sweeter than the arrival of an Amazon order, or that of imported Transformers toys from China, is surprise mail from a fellow music lover. This time that music lover is Geoff over at the 1001 Albums in 10 Years blog. Geoff sent me a cryptic email a few weeks ago about some things he found that I might be interested in having for my collection:

“Mike,
I picked up a couple practically-free musical treasures at our local Value Village this week.
I’m not sure if they’ll actually play, but when I saw them I thought they’d be neat assets in the LeBrain collection!”

What a guy! I love surprises!

There are a few major audio formats that have no representation in my music collection. If I can’t play it, as a collector I generally don’t seek it out. As a music geek however, I love odd formats and releases. There are certain bands that I would collect just about anything from, and the big one is Kiss. Geoff knew this. Now I can add 8-track to the formats I own of Kiss Alive! This is definitely getting a place of honour in LeBrain’s displays of treasure. Probably right next to that weird Def Leppard Pyromania cassette that Aaron found for me at Sonic Boom.

Also in the package, and presumed worthless by Geoff, are two 45’s. According to Geoff’s accompanying letter, the records “you would be able to play, but are too damaged to do so!”

Fooey. My USB turntable only cost $50. Let’s give it a shot.

Both singles are records I didn’t have before. Twisted Sister’s “We’re Not Gonna Take It” / “You Can’t Stop Rock ‘N’ Roll” has a different B-side from the 12″ single that I do have. The 7″ has the studio version of “You Can’t Stop Rock ‘N’ Roll” instead of the live. And it played fine! It was dusty but cleaned up fine.  Score!

The Kiss single, for “I Was Made For Lovin’ You” / “Hard Times”, was not as fortunate.  It is massively warped.  I measured the warp at 1/4 inch at its largest point.  But get this…it played!  It didn’t sound the greatest, but it played!

In his letter, Geoff says “Thought they still work as collectibles or conversation starting coasters.”  Well, Twisted Sister and Kiss Alive! are officially entering the LeBrain Library.  As for “I Was Made For Lovin’ You”?  Though it plays, I don’t think I will play it again.  I think this might make an excellent wall decoration, however!

Thanks Geoff!  I’ll find something funky and cool to send in return.

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REVIEW: Faith No More – Live at the Brixton Academy (1991)

FAITH NO MORE – Live at the Brixton Academy (1991 Slash UK)

My mom and dad bought this European import for me Christmas ’92.  A rarity for sure, it cost over $30 at HMV Fairview Mall.  I was thrilled to get the two rare studio tracks, although the live material already existed on the classic You Fat Bastards VHS tape.  I received that tape the previous Christmas and didn’t know a CD version existed, until I saw it at HMV myself.

For the record, here is the full tracklist from You Fat Bastards: Live at the Brixton Academy which has since been reissued on DVD:

1. “From Out of Nowhere”
2. “Falling to Pieces”
3. “The Real Thing”
4. “Underwater Love”
5. “As the Worm Turns”
6. “Edge of the World”
7. “We Care a Lot”
8. “Epic”
9. “Woodpecker from Mars” (Instrumental)
10. “Zombie Eaters”
11. “War Pigs”

The CD loses “Underwater Love”, “Woodpecker From Mars”, and “As the Worm Turns” from the first Faith No More LP. While this is unfortunate, I am glad that “As the Worm Turns” from this video showed up on a version of the “Epic” CD single. I added to the album as a “bonus track” when I ripped it to mp3. (The band actually played 18 songs that night including rarities like “Why Do You Bother” and “Crab Song”.)

For some reason the CD also shuffles up the track order, opening with “Falling to Pieces” instead of the natural opener “From Out of Nowhere”.  It’s the funkier side of Faith No More’s Real Thing era.  Although it was a single I don’t think it’s all that exceptional and certainly not as a CD opener, but whatever.  (There also seems to be some kind of weird phasing or something going on with Jim Martin’s guitar sound.)  “The Real Thing” is seven minutes of ups and downs and drama and Patton shrieks.  This is the kind of Faith No More track that is initially too fucky to digest in one sitting.  Patton’s live improvisations vocally are a joy to fans who know what the song sounded like in the studio.

“This next song…is a song…that has four letters in the title…and it starts…with an E,” introduces Patton, and we all know what song that would be.  In April 1990, they might not have.  25 years later, the song is still fresh, especially with Patton’s ad-libs.  “Ooo-woo-oo-oo!”

The Black Sabbath cover “War Pigs” is edited in next, a perplexing slot considering it was played in the encores.  This is the same version that later re-emerged on the Black Sabbath tribute album Nativity in Black.  Sabbath fans unfamiliar with Faith No More’s idiosyncratic side did not like Patton’s loose work with vocal and lyrics, although I think “Mlah mlah mlah mlah mlah mlah mlah mlaaaghaah” works just as well as “On their knees the wars pigs crawling.”  To each their own.  You either like Faith No More or you don’t.

Actual show opener “From Out of Nowhere” is slotted next, a breakneck metal-with-keys anthem showcasing the musical chops of this underrated band.  Judging by the fades, I’d say this is where Side Two would be on a cassette version. On VHS I remember an animated Patton bounding about the stage, confident and unpredictable.

“We Care a Lot”, which contains within it a hilarious nod to the New Kids on the Block, was a show highlight. “Zombie Eaters” on the other is a foreboding rollercoaster. From dark quiet guitar chords, to thrashing ones, this song has it all. In some ways it is similar to “The Real Thing”, in that it takes a few listens to get it.

“Hey it’s time to snap kids…it’s time to fuckin’ snap, goddamit” instructs Patton. “Listen!” he says, putting the microphone to his buttocks and farting. “That was real.” Like I said, you either like Faith No More or you do not. “Edge of the World” is a nice little piano slow dance, but it is totally inappropriate for ending the live portion of the album. This is one of the worst sequenced CDs I have ever owned.

Two unreleased studio tracks from The Real Thing sessions are the real treat of this CD. “The Grade” sounds like a pedal steel guitar instrumental. It sounds like Jimmy Page. Jim Martin never got enough credit as a guitar player, and this track is exhibit A. “The Cowboy Song” is not a Thin Lizzy cover, in fact it’s an original. It occupies the same space as some of the more accessible tracks on The Real Thing. Young Patton was in peak voice, singing a powerfully melodic chorus. Roddy Bottum lays down some tasty Purple organ backing the song, which truthfully is a Faith No More favourite of mine.

Since it’s from the same concert I’ll add a word about “As the Worm Turns”, an oldie from the first album with Chuck Mosely. I’ll never forget the sight of Patton coming out in a weird mask and laying waste to it. Mike was able to do the Mosely songs with no problem, and this is one of the tunes that works best. Because it was based on yelling out a vocal melody, Mike takes it to another level.

You can get “As the Worm Turns” on the 1990 UK CD single for “Epic”, on Slash records (LASCD 26).

I’d be happy to give this CD 5/5 stars based on performance alone, but since the sequencing is so illogical and random, it’s only worth:

4/5 stars

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#391: Nicknames II

A sequel to Part 230: Nicknames.

RECORD STORE TALES MkII: Getting More Tale
#391: Nicknames II

Every workplace has its nicknames. At my current job one of my nicknames is “Ernie” (as in Bert & Ernie, another guy is Bert). Another one is “Hermey” due to a perceived resemblance to one of Santa’s elves in Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer.  My most well known nickname is of course LeBrain, which originated on the radio.  I solved one of Craig Fee’s 4 O’clock 4-Play on Dave FM in record time.  Craig said, “Check out the brain on Mike Ladano! Mike ‘LeBrain’!”  The name stuck.

Here is a second selection of favourite nicknames from the Record Store days and beyond!

  • Goggles Pizano – Taken from an episode of The Flintstones, this name was given to the store owner when he got some new glasses.
  • Lynie-Lynie-Boing-Boing – A term of endearment I used for one of our store managers named Lyne.
  • Seven – A nickname given to me by Jen’s best friend Lara. There’s a whole story about this one, a painful story!*
  • Time Traveler – This odd fellow ordered some CDs, and left a business phone number to contact him at during the days. When called, he always answered “Time travel.” I don’t know what that business was, we never asked, so we just called him “Time Traveler”!
  • Scottish Man – A Scottish man who sold CDs.
  • Cow Man – A name given to Wiseman, by Joe Big Nose (another nickname!) due to his sideburns which apparently gave him a cow-like appearance.
  • Snake Face/Cobra Commander – Similar to above. A nickname given to a staff member because apparently his hair gave him a cobra-like cowl.
  • LeCock – I was dubbed with this name by a frustrated Dave FM listener who failed to guess a 4-O’clock 4-Play!  Burn!

LECOCK *Saving this for its own installment.

CO-REVIEW: Finntroll – “Häxbrygd” (2013 music video)

CO-REVIEW!  I am joined today by contributor THUSSY who introduced me to these crazy trolls from Finland.

FINNTROLL – “Häxbrygd” (2013 Century Media music video)

Thussy:  I’m an engineer and whenever I’m working from home I always need something to keep the wandering part of my mind busy so I can concentrate on whatever machine or structure I’m designing. What always works for me is listening to music and my choice (even though LeBrain can’t stand some of it) is hard rock and heavy metal. LeBrain apparently doesn’t like the heavy metal with as he puts it “cookie monster lyrics”. Now I will fully admit I am no expert on heavy metal. All my knowledge comes from SiriusXM Octane, but I always say it helps me work faster.

On this day, I was working away listening to some of my current favourite metal bands. I started with some In This Moment then moved onto Butcher Babies, Slipknot and then Avatar. A few songs into the Avatar set, Youtube switched to a different band.  As soon as they started singing I realized it wasn’t in English, so I looked at the video only to find the most awesome Finnish metal band that wears troll ears and has an accordion player in the band. This band is of course Finntroll and the song was “Häxbrygd”. I immediately sent a link to LeBrain for him to check out, and he wanted me to introduce him reviewing the video so I’ll pass this on to him.

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LeBrain:  He sent me this video, and a few cryptic bits of info such as, “For some reason they’re beating the crap out of a car.”  Cool.

I had never heard of Finntroll before.  Wikipedia tells me that they play elements of Black metal and Folk metal. Apparently they sing in Swedish and wear rubber troll ears that look and move very Yoda-like, while banging their head to menacing heavy metal. First of all, the Swedish: it doesn’t matter since you can’t understand the words. Second of all, the troll ears: brilliant!

My favourite member of the band is the creepy baby looking guy on accordion. Check that guy out. He absolutely rules, like a troll-baby version of Udo Dirkschneider. Runner up is the fat bare-chested devil drummer.

I don’t understand the words, but from the video, I think the song is about a bunch of troll guys who cut the roof of a car and then paint it up real nice, and then the devil guy hotwires it but the baby guy gets to drive.  In a Rob Zombie-esque ending, the troll guys all go for a psychedelic ride together in their newly customized automobile.  To where?  I don’t know!  I have no idea what the fuck this is about!

But the song is unexpectedly cool! To write this review I listened it song at least 20 times, and I like it.  That horn hook is incredibly catchy! “Häxbrygd” is like a more metallic version of Mr. Bungle. I have had “Häxbrygd” in my head all week.  I’m also appreciating the vocals more than I thought I would.  Instead of delivering melodic hooks, the vocal does it rhythmically.  Maybe I’m getting the gist of these “cookie monster” vocals after all.

Thussy and I easily came to agreement on a rating for this video.  Not only is the band and video hilarious, but the song is absolutely killer.

5/5 stars (score agreed by both)

REVIEW: Strong Bad Sings and Other Type Hits (2003)

STRONG BAD Sings and Other Type Hits (2003 Harmless Junk)

Strong Bad, the coolest guy in town, is best known for his boxing gloves, mask, and emails on the Homestar Runner website.  Don’t know who Strong Bad is?  Then you probably haven’t heard of Trogdor (the Burninator) either.  These characters are part of a cult hit series of cartoons, born online and still going today.

In the early 2000’s, somebody named “Kaizer” emailed Strong Bad to ask him to draw a dragon, so Strong Bad obliged. The animated short, titled “Dragon”, went up Monday, January 13, 2003 and soon went viral. I was immediately hooked, and even Buffy the Vampire Slayer referenced Trogdor. Strong Bad and the Homestar Runner capitalized on their fame, with spinoff clothes, figurines, Wii games, DVDs, and this CD album. The song “Trogdor” even appeared in the Guitar Hero video games!

When the CD was announced, the Brothers Chaps (creators of Strong Bad) had some of the most popular songs from their online cartoons professionally recorded. The original “Trogdor” song was a low-budget recording with only guitar; no band. The new “Trogdor” is a full-on metal assault! Bass, drums, and wheedling guitar solos galore!

Strong Bad, despite the CD title, does not sing every song. There are other tunes here sung by characters such as Homestar, Marzipan, Coach Z, and of course hair metal band extrordinaire, Limozeen. This CD is worth it just for the Limozeen track “Because, It’s Midnight”. You must trust me when I say that Limozeen is the best hair metal band to never exist. Strong Bad first mentioned them when advising fans that if they want to start a rock band, they should name it after something cool, and then misspell the name. (“Taranchula” was another band name he suggested, and they too have a metal song on this album.)

Anyway, Limozeen: “Because, It’s Midnite” is their best tune, with awesome lyrics. “Heart of lion, and the wings of a bat, because it’s midnite!” Gary, Larry, Perry and Mary are one hell of a fictional band that actually played a couple real live gigs due to demand! Their not-hit “Nite Mamas” also appears on this album, which evokes classic Guns N’ Roses.

This is for fans of the cartoon only! Everybody else will not have a clue what the heck “Strongbadia” is or why they have a national anthem. But if you’re a fan? You’ll be happy. You get the classic singalong “The Cheat is Not Dead”! And let’s not forget Strong Bad’s country classic, “Somebody Told Me (Now I Believe Them)”.

Somebody told me,
that you were so stupid,
but I didn’t believe them,
But now I believe them.

And let’s not forget his similarly-themed ballad, “You’ve Got an Ugly & Stupid Butt”.

Quite a few songs are filler, but they’re all pretty short and then it’s onto the next one.  What’s cool is the variety of styles lampooned.  TV themes, techno music, gospel, punk rock and hippie jams make up the balance of the tunes.  I think it’s just cool that fans of the cartoon could buy a CD with good songs and this much effort put into it.  The digipack outer cover is designed to look “cheap as free” but inside there’s a full colour illustrated booklet and a Limozeen sticker!

For fans, 4/5 stars! For everyone else, ?/5.

BOOK REVIEW: Eric Danville – The Official Heavy Metal Book of Lists

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ERIC DANVILLE – The Official Heavy Metal Book of Lists (2009 Backbeat Books)

“Official”?  How the hell does anyone claim to publish an “official” heavy metal book of lists?  Maybe by getting Lemmy Kilmister to write your forward, perhaps?  That will do for a start.  Using the KISS font and putting a great illustration on your front cover always go a long way to looking “official”.  That “parental advisory” stamp in the corner is the final touch.

This book is tremendous fun.  I generally don’t go for “list” books.  Mrs. LeBrain bought this book for Christmas one year, because she thought it looked cool.  Always grateful, I gave it a shot.  You will always have your own favourites to add to any list, but this book isn’t really like that.

These lists are far more entertaining, interesting, and page-turning than “top 10” this or that.  For example:

  • The PMRC’s infamous “Filthy 15” songs and their ratings.

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  • 15 metal bands who got their name from J.R.R. Tolkien.  I for one didn’t know that Burzum was an Orcish word for “darkness”.  (And yes, Marillion is on this list.)
  • Oderus Urungus’ 10 sickest things to ever happen at a GWAR show.  A fan in excruciating pain because he got his hair caught in Beefcake the Mighty’s tuning pegs had to have it cut on stage.
  • 8 heavy metal songs the government has used to torture prisoners at Abu Ghraib and Guantanamo Bay.  “Enter Sandman”?  Really?  Do terrorists hate the Black album too?
  • 19 unlikely heavy metal pairings.  Unfortunately, I do remember when Lil’ Kim appeared on Tommy Lee’s first album by Methods of Mayhem.
  • 9 non-metal artists who do a song called “Heavy Metal”.  Miles Davis!
  • 12 people who found themselves on the business end of Sharon Osbourne.  Elton John tried to bed the same man as Sharon, so she drove to his house, shit on his driveway, and then smeared the shit all over Elton’s Rolls.

Then there are lists assembled by people that some may have heard of.  A porn director named Matt Zane lists 25 metalheads who were in porn movies.  Twiggy Ramirez is somebody I never want to see naked.  Then porn star Jasmin St. Claire lists 20 reasons that metal dudes and metal girls are so hot.  Sasha Grey lists her 16 favourite metal albums, and she has some heavy tastes (she loves Rollins).

The book is rounded out by fun caricatures by Cliff Mott. He makes it pretty easy to identify the rock stars he’s depicting.  Lemmy kind of looks like Lemmy no matter how you draw him.

5/5 stars

#390: The Open Door Piss Strikes Back

NO PISSING

RECORD STORE TALES MkII: Getting More Tale
#390: The Open Door Piss Strikes Back

I will never forget the night we invited a bunch of friends over to play Rock Band.  It is unlikely that any of our guests will have difficulty remembering either.  For the night of the Rock Band party was also the night of the return of the Open Door Piss.

It was a mixed crowd, a bunch of people who hadn’t met before.  It was one of the first parties we hosted as a married couple.  Jen invited a couple of her co-workers from RIM, I invited one of mine and his wife, and of course I had to ask the incredible Uncle Meat to attend.  Meat is quite a singer, you see, and my Rock Band crowd was short on singers.  I was the only other attendee who liked to sing.  My songs were “Painkiller” by Judas Priest, “Paranoid” by Sabbath, and generally any rockers I was comfortable with.

Uncle Meat’s speciality was the lead vocal on Rush songs: “Closer to the Heart, and “The Trees”.  That was fun for my buddy Chris, a fellow fan of Trailer Park Boys.  When Meat took on “The Trees”, I excitedly told Chris, “This is the song Ricky’s always complaining about…how trees talk to each other and how different parts of your brain work!”

We got a couple of beers into him, and Uncle Meat nailed “The Trees” note for note.  He did an excellent job, while one of Jen’s co-workers did a pretty good Neil Peart on the drums.  High-fives all around.

After putting 100% into his vocal performance, Meat excused himself.  “I have to piss,” he said.  “Where’s the washroom?”

Down the hall Meat went, just at one of those moments that happen in every party, when things quiet down.  Tired from rocking track after track, we all sat quietly talking in the living room, just when we heard the sound.

It was the old, familiar trickle of an open door piss.  Familiar to me maybe, but not someone like the wife of my co-worker!

“Is that…is he…” she muttered, and everyone stared in the stunned silence of simultaneous realization.

“He’s peeing with the door open?” someone asked, and I nodded to confirm!

Meat re-emerged to the now-silent living room.

“Hey Meat!  Did you have a good piss?” I asked.
“Huh?” he responded, wondering why I’d ask that question.

“We could hear everything!” I laughed, cracking up.  “You forgot to close the door, we heard every drop.”

“Oh!” said Meat sheepishly.  “Yeah.”

Laughter broke the tension, but I will never let Uncle Meat forget!