Welcome back to WTF! Click here if you missed the last one. This edition collects some musical Google searches that somehow led people here to this blog. Enjoy these head-scratchers and WTFs!
This first guy’s obviously an idiot.
10. steve morse sucks
9.is paul stanley loosoing his voice?
8.i wouldl like to hear mob rules (why, how polite!)
7.life+it+up+kiss
6.black sabbath paranoid deluxe edition where is the 3 disc (right there.)
5.phrase from what tv show – it’s the final countdown!! (Arrested Development.)
4.puff daddy’s embarring habit
3.new kids on the block poster greatest hits
2.real elvis videos tumblr hornny holes
And this week’s winner:
1.marilyn manson with butt plug
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LOOK! It’s Rock and Roll! I’m gonna review all of Ace Frehley’s solo albums. Welcome to the series! For Ace’s 1978 solo album, click here! This review goes out to MARKO FOX! Thanks for inspiring this idea. And happy birthday to ANTON FIG!
“Rock Soldiers come, and Rock Soldiers go. Some hear the drum, and some never know. Hey, Rock Soliders, how do we know? ACE is back and he told you so!”
It’s very daunting for me to review this. My sister bought this album for me, for my birthday, in July 1987. I had been a Kiss fan for a few years, and immediately liked Ace best. Yet he’d been quiet for so long. I didn’t even know what he looked like. Then, the powerful video for “Into the Night” premiered on Much, and I knew right away. I absolutely needed the album.
Frehley’s Comet is the debut release by Ace Frehley’s new band. He had quite a band, too. Singer / guitarist / keyboardist Tod Howarth had a really powerful, commercial voice and added keyboards to the mix, which was an edge in the late 80’s. Meanwhile, on drums, was Anton Fig. Veteran of at least three Kiss releases (Ace’s 1978 solo album, Dynasty, and Unmasked), there’s a reason David Letterman refers to Anton as “Buddy Rich Jr.” Having Anton in the band was a serious coup. On bass was John Regan, who proved to be a the only member to stick around for all of the 80’s.
“Rock Soldiers” was a great opening track. Ace is back and he told you so? Yeah! This stomping anthem is the tale of Ace’s own carnage. “And the devil sat in the passenger’s side of DeLorean’s automobile.” And later, “When I think of how my life was spared from that near-fatal wreck, if the Devil wants to play his card game now, he’s gonna play without an ACE in his deck!” How could Me 1987 not have loved this song? It had a killer singalong chorus and was released as a single.
“Breakout” is interesting because the riff was written by Eric Carr, Ace’s old Kiss bandmate. “Breakout” is in fact “Carr Jam ’81”, the song written at the time of The Elder. Kiss never used it, so Ace did. Tod sings lead on this one, and Anton plays his own drum solo where Eric once did. Ace then turns in a friggin’ classic Frehley solo.
“Into the Night” is a Russ Ballard song, which surprised me, as I always felt that the lyrics fit Ace’s New York background like a glove. It’s a mid-tempo rocker, and as first single, it was the first song that I heard. Today, it still sounds dramatic and cool.
“Something Moved” is another heavy rocker, written and sung by Tod. It’s similar in vibe to “Breakout”, and I really like when it goes into what I call the “Stryper riff” at the 2 minute mark, right after Ace’s solo. Side one ended with “We Got Your Rock”, a sleezy one about groupie with a backstage pass. To be honest, this one disappointed me back then. I still find the lyrics to be pretty bad. Ace co-wrote this one, hopefully not the lyrics, because the music’s decent enough. If it were a Kiss song, it would be one of those Gene Simmons monster tunes.
Thankfully, side two starts on a better note. “Love Me Right” is an Ace song, with a hard, solid riff and beat. Yet it’s Tod’s “Calling To You” that is the gem of the album. It’s a nice hard rocking commercial song with a scorching lead vocal. The chorus is killer, and I couldn’t understand why this wasn’t the biggest hit of 1987 back then. Sounds like a dual guitar solo too, with Tod taking the first solo and Ace finishing ‘er off.
The weirdest song is, without a doubt, “Dolls”. Ace wrote this one completely by himself, words and music, and I have no idea what the hell he’s singing about. I don’t think I want to know. Anyway, musically it’s a bright pop rock number, based on the keyboards. “Stranger In A Strange Land” is back in riff rock territory. The chorus sounds great, with Tod and Ace singing together.
The album closes with “Fractured Too”, an instrumental sequel to “Fractured Mirror” from Ace Frehley. It’s not quite as good as the first “Fractured”, but it has stood the test of time. It’s this kind of music that Ace doesn’t always get recognized for, but his layers of shimmering guitars are very cool.
I wish the lyrics on Frehley’s Comet were better. At least the music smokes!
RECORD STORE TALES Part 211: The House of Lords Debacle
Joe was on the other end of the phone. “Mike,” he said. “I have three CDs here by a band called House of Lords. You want?”
I’d first heard House of Lords in ’88. Gene Simmons was promoting them like mad. They were signed to his new imprint, $immons Records. A guy called Loz Netto was his first signing, but House of Lords was his first rock acquisition. They included ex-members of Guiffria, Quiet Riot, and Alice Cooper. I picked up their debut on the week of release, but I missed the second and third albums.
“I’ll take two!” I responded without hesitation. “I’ll take the ones titled Sahara and Demons Down.”
Joe laughed. “I knew you’d know who these guys were,” he said. I saw the pictures of the hairdos on the back and I knew it.”
“Thanks man, send ’em my way. I will buy them both for sure.”
Yes, Tommy Aldridge was in House of Lords for a minute
Joe had the two discs sent to my store, attention to me. But in between his store and mine, they had been intercepted. Someone had written on the transfer slips, “Sell at $11.99 — no discount.”
No discount? On House of Lords? The fuck was this?
Not that $11.99 is a bad price. That was a high but realistic sticker price for used copies of these albums. I can get Demons Down on CD from Discogs right now for under 8 bucks. If I had walked into another store and found them for $12, I would have bought them without hesitation. It was the principle of the thing that bothered me. I’ve talked before about how we didn’t get staff discounts on certain special or big ticket items. House of Lords was hardly the kind of band that would negate a staff discount. In fact, my boss (who had written the note) had no idea who House of Lords was.
He had obviously seen that the two discs were being sent to me, since he had written the note. Perhaps he looked at the back and spied the Simmons Records logo. Either way he personally nixed the the discount. I called him up to ask what the deal was.
“Hey,” I began. “These two House of Lords discs. What’s up with the price? No discount on these?”
“Nope,” he answered simply.
“Why?” I asked. “Nobody knows who they are.”
“That’s just what we’ve decided they’re worth,” he replied.
“Alright, well I’m going to pass on them then. I’m sending them back to Joe’s store.” I was disappointed. This kind of penny-ante crap had picked up in recent years. It was petty. It seemed arbitrary.
A few years later, more copies came in. I snagged those, discount intact. Much like most of the world, the powers that be had simply forgotten who House of Lords were. And I wasn’t about to say, “Hey, by the way, in case you forgot, staff aren’t supposed to get a discount on House of Lords.”
I’m listening to House of Lords right now. The funny thing is, for such “special” items, neither is really as good as their debut!
Most of the stuff I picked this year was too obscure. Stuff like “The Cut Runs Deep” by Deep Purple. “The Hockey Theme” by Neil Peart. “Wall of Sound” by Kiss.
I did however vote for the Countdown’s #1 song, “Toronto Tontos” by Max Webster. It was 33rd on my list, but six people also picked it, putting it at the #1 spot on Saturday night.
Four picks from my top 20 made the countdown: “Die Young”, “Zero the Hero”, “Caught Somewhere in Time”, and “Breadfan”!
So, here were my top 20 picks. Tomorrow, I will post the entire Countdown! Stay tuned…
Sausagefest is an annual all-dude, all-meat, countdown of rock. Five of us from the old Record Store attended! This year, there were 110 songs (75 countdowns plus 35 “tributes”). #1 was Max Webster — “Toronto Tontos”. Other artists who made the countdown included Iron Maiden, Black Sabbath, Kiss, Queens of the Stone Age, Tool, Rush, and Tenacious D among others. For the history of this event, check out Record Store Tales Part 30.
Thanks to Jeff Woods and Craig Fee for your contributions — above and beyond the call of duty!
And of course, thanks to Tom our host, and Uncle Meat, Seb and Dr. Dave for the music.
Uncle Meat will be providing me with the full track list. Stay tuned for that post, too!
GENE SIMMONS FAMILY JEWELS – The Complete Season One (2004 A&E with bonus CD)
Since my primary interest in adding this to my collection is the music rather than the TV show, I’ll discuss the CD first. The bonus CD is apparently an Amazon.com (not .ca) exclusive, currently selling for about $13 plus shipping. The CD comprises just two songs: ”Rain Keeps Falling” (sounds like apossible Crazy Nights/Hot in the Shade outtake) and “You’re My Reason For Living” (sounds much more recent). These are from the “forthcoming” Gene Simmons box set called Monster. (I’m guessing he won’t be using that title now eh?) Considering that Amazon.com still advertises the Gene Simmons Monster box set as “coming in 2007”, I wonder how much longer it’ll be!
With demos of this nature it’s fairly usual for Gene to play all instruments himself and have a drum machine behind him, and that’s how “Rain Keeps Falling” comes across. The guitar work is basic but it gets the idea across, but I do hate the sound of a drum machine! It’s a pretty decent song. The verses could use some work but I think the choruses are pretty good!
“You’re My Reason For Living” is a ballad, and sounds like it could have been demoed for the Asshole album. It’s too bad it’s not on there, as it would have been the classiest song on the album. It was actually written long ago, pre-Kiss, but it’s obvious that this is a much more recent rendition. This is a very basic soul song, as interpreted by Gene. Although his voice is pretty limited, the intentions behind it sounds sincere. It wouldn’t be a hit unless Gene gave it away to a more appropriate artist, but as a bonus track on a box set it’s a bit of alright!
As for the DVDs: when this show first started I was skeptical. Ozzy had made a bit of a clown of himself on The Osbournes, and count on Gene Simmons to see an opportunity to promote himself. So the formula’s basically the same, a rock star family in humourous situations, a funny dad, etc. I preferred season one of Gene Simmons Family Jewels to Ozzy’s show, and although I didn’t keep up with the show regularly afterwards, I still think this set is pretty entertaining.
I like that, compared to The Osbournes, there’s hardly any cussing. Very rarely do you hear the “beeps” (and yes, it’s all beeps, no actual cussing). I also found the family/”characters” to be more likeable. Nick Simmons is a bright, funny young guy, and who doesn’t love Shannon Tweed? (Loved you back in the 80’s version of The Liar’s Club, Shannon!). Third, you can understand what Gene is saying, unlike the Ozzman (although that is certainly part of Ozzy’s charm).
I think my favourite episode was “Fan…tastic”, during which an awkward Gene Simmons spent his day with a mega mega mega FAN. And Shannon loves every second. She invited the mega-fan home to have dinner with Gene and the fam. And isn’t Gene just thrilled. Another episode, the “unaired pilot”, depicts Gene grilling the boy who is about to take young Sophie Simmons out to the dance. Just a priceless moment. I felt very sorry for that poor young man who had to sit across a very large desk from Mr. Simmons, and be grilled about dating his young daughter.
For Kiss fans and probably non-Kiss fans as well, I think this season is:
1. Each of these are real search terms, typed in by real people on a search engine like Google.
2. Somehow, each of these search terms led them to ME!
So here’s 10 more for this installment!
A week isn’t a week unless I get hits from people looking for stuff like this. I’m still assuming that people don’t know how to spell the word “lesbian”.
lebrain sex
lebrani nude 1
Here’s a good one:
why is here i go again not on reissue of slide it in
Because it’s not on Slide It In. It’s on 1987, sillypants.
This guy can’t spell the singer’s name, nor the name of the site he’s looking for.
you too runny james dio neon nights
Here’s a selection that led people to some of my Kiss reviews:
just how bad is peter criss’ ’78 solo album?
was peter criss’ ’78 solo album really that bad
why did paul feel unwanted and alone in the carnival
patty stanley stripper
jean simmons with a moustache
And finally, if this guy had his way, we’d all be speaking Anglesh:
RECORD STORE TALES Part 199: Hooray! Hooray! It’s Stock Transfer Day!
A couple weeks ago, I was out driving, rocking to Kiss’ Hotter Than Hell. Suddenly I realized the car in front of me was being driven by my former boss at the record store. We happened to be going in the same direction. I followed him as he pulled into the old record store, where he turned off. He didn’t see me wave but from the stop lights, I could see him go to the back of the vehicle and pull out a big box of discs for the record store.
This brought back a vivid memory — Stock Transfer Day! STD!
Twice a week, the local store managers were required to travel to a central location to pick up stock from the other stores. This stock could include special orders being transferred from store to store. The majority of the boxes were full of stuff for our shelves, and fresh jewel cases since we went through hundreds a week. These would fill the trunk, pile up on the back seats, and once in a while the passenger seat too.
The managers decided to do stock transfer on Monday nights, and Thursday afternoons. I hated Monday nights and Thursday afternoons. The only good thing about stock transfer was the chance to see some of my store manager friends, such as the eternally interesting Joe. It was during one of these stock transfers that I witnessed the immortal Open Door Piss.
What bugged me most about the stock transfer arrangements were that the time, gas and mileage on our cars was considered to be “part of our salaries”. This part of it really sucked, as you could spend a good chunk of your night hanging around doing nothing, waiting for someone. Sometimes a traffic accident or tie-up on the highway could screw somebody’s route home. That’s just the way this city was(n’t) planned out.
So while you’re waiting for someone with some orders that you absolutely need, you’re sitting doing nothing, burning your own time. This happened frequently in winter, but in the summer too. While this is ensuing, at home your porch is unoccupied and lacking in beverages. And that is a shame.
We were in Kincardine, Ontario, on Queen street, or “the main drag” as my dad calls it. We were in this crappy clothing store called Sandy’s that’s not there anymore. But this time, they had a Kiss T-shirt for sale! I never saw any cool band shirts in Kincardine before. We spent much of each summer there, and when I was younger the place seemed kind of dull. Finding a Kiss shirt there, well obviously I had to get it. It was 1992, a Revenge shirt.
My dad asked, “Did you find a shirt, son?”
“Yep,” I answered. “This one is cool, because it has the new Kiss member on it.” [Eric Singer]
“Yeah,” my dad said with a disapproving smirk. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen that bearded guy before…”
CRISS – Criss Special Limited Edition (1993 EP, TNT Records)
At long last, Peter Criss was releasing new music, for the first time since 1982’s Let Me Rock You, over a decade prior. Tellingly, it was a mail-order only release, on a small California label called Tony Nicole Tony Records. It ran me over $40 Canadian (with shipping) to order it. It was a limited edition, all copies to be numbered and signed by the Cat himself.
An angry letter and six months later, I finally received my Criss EP to find that the hyped signature was just printed on. Yes, it was numbered (mine is #2408), but for $40…come on.
I overlooked the sad artwork of Peter’s face, half painted in his old cat makeup, and hair bleached blonde. I cracked the seal, put the disc in and hit play.
I was struck immediately by the poor production. The drums sound awful. For a solo EP by a drummer, I was hoping for better sounding drums than this. Peter’s singing was OK, but the lyrics? He does this section near the end of the the first song, “The Cat”, that was just…stinky.
Listen to this one now. Gene and Paul went up the hill to fetch a pail of water, Gene fell down and broke his crown, And Paul came tumbling over.
And then his does this weird high pitched shriek that is so embarrassingly terrible, that I couldn’t believe it made it only to the album. Well, it could only get better from there.
Nope.
The same awful sounding drums, rapping, and another awful lyric:
Planes, trains and limozines, So what? What does it mean? We’re burning down like Mercury, God bless the Killer Queen.
This time the singer isn’t Peter, but a fellow with a mohawk called Mike Stone. This same Mike Stone would later end up in a band called Queensryche. And if anything was worse than Peter’s shrieking on track one, it’s Mike Stone’s singing on track two. And the song sucks, too.
“Good Times”, an electric ballad with a soulful vocal from Peter, is pretty good. It has the vibe of something that would have fit onto Peter’s 1978 solo album, without the schlock. OK, one good song. At least there’s one.
But then Mike Stone rears his ugly mohawk again, on a song called “What You’re Doing”. No, not the Rush tune. It’s not a bad song, but Stone’s truly awful singing renders it unlistenable. Finally, Peter saves this drowning EP with an acoustic remake of “Beth”. It must be remembered that up to this point, an acoustic version of “Beth” had never been released. It was presented that way in the Kiss Meets the Phantom of the Park movie, but until this EP, you couldn’t buy it like that. So this is cool, and slightly different from the version that later ended up on the Cat #1 album.
I have no doubt this is very rare today, and I’ve never seen another copy. If you can find it, great. But you may not need to listen to it.
mikeladano.com 