Record Store Tales

Part 217: My F****** Neck!!

NECK

RECORD STORE TALES Part 217:  My Fuckin’ Neck!

Kids – do not crack your neck.  Don’t do it.  I know it feels good.  Just don’t.  I know the feeling, the release of pressure.  The sudden relaxation of the nearby muscles.  The temporary but instant relief from pain.

I used to crack my neck, apparently a bit too much, and by early 1996 it had caught up with me.  I was about to go out for lunch at Casey’s with an ex-girlfriend of mine.  We’d started to hang out again.  I thought there might be a chance of getting back together, so I was looking forward to it.

I was toweling dry my hair, perhaps applying a bit too much force on one side, when suddenly:  snap.  Something hurt.  Something hurt a lot.  I collapsed to the ground, cradling my suddenly-too-heavy head in my hands.  I’d experienced neck pain before (which started me on cracking it in the first place), but nothing like this!  I was completely immobile.  I sat like that, in pain holding my head in my hands, for 15 minutes.  Finally I was able to find a comfortable way to stand up.

I took some Aspirin, and collapsed again in the stairway.  I literally could not take both hands off my head without being in extreme pain.  I had to be holding my head with at least one hand at all times.  I considered cancelling the date with the ex, but quickly dismissed that option.  The perceived opportunity for pity outweighed the physical pain.  Now all I had to do was figure out how to put on my boots.

The ex arrived to pick me up, and she advised me to see a doctor.  Nahh!  I said.  I took an Aspirin.  Doctor Schmockter.  I did know that, feeling the way I did, there was no way I was going to put able to pull a 4 hour shift at the record store that night.  All that bending over and filing…one handed?  No.  Even though I was very proud of my perfect attendance record (no sick days in almost 2 years, a milestone I wanted to reach), I had to call in sick.  I felt the pain of my now tarnished sick record.

We sat down at Casey’s, and I stupidly ordered French onion soup.  Only when the dish arrived did I realize how hard it was to get the spoon all the way to my mouth without leaning.  Leaning equaled pain, but by moving slowly and steadily, I gradually ate the soup.

I had a heavy scarf around my neck, and the warm soup going down my throat felt great too.  Plus, the painkillers were kicking in.  My mood brightened by the time my chicken arrived.  When I had finished that, my sore neck muscles began to loosen up.  I was regaining some mobility.  Plus, the lunch was going splendidly!  Conversation was brisk and good humoured.

“You know what,” I said to the ex, “I think I’m going to work after all.”

“Are you sure?” she queried.  “Your neck looks really stiff.”

“It is,” I replied.  “But it’s Wednesday.  It’s a slow night.  New stock arrived yesterday, Trevor would have finished stocking everything.  I’ll be OK.”  Plus, I was digging the new Extreme and wanted to hear it again.

Mike Mangini on drums

I excused myself to go to a pay phone and call the store.

“Hey man, it’s Mike,” I said when my boss answered.  “Have you got anybody to fill my shift yet?  Because I can do it.  I feel alot better.”  He told me that he was just going to work straight through.  I assured him I was OK, and I got the ex to drop me off at the store.

I walked in, head cocked at an awkward angle, wearing a silly scarf.  My boss was with a customer but he glanced at me, noting my odd posture.  As soon as he was done with the customer, he turned to me.

“Oh, Mike…how in the heck did you do that again?”

Slightly embarrassed I answered, “Drying my hair.”

“You did THAT drying your hair?” he cried.

“Yeah,” I said sheepishly.  “Does it look bad?  Can you tell?”

“Can you tell?” he replied.  “It’s as obvious as the nose on your face!”

Oh man.  Oh man.  I didn’t realize how comical I looked.  Sure enough, several customers asked about my strange posture.  And all of them had the same question:

“How in the heck did you do that?”

Drying my hair!  Now leave me alone about it!!

Unfortunately this was merely the first of many such episodes.  A high price to pay, for the temporary relief of cracking your neck.  I should have just said it was whiplash from banging my head too much.

Part 216: The Most Expensive Thing I Ever Destroyed

Ultimate

RECORD STORE TALES Part 216:  The Most Expensive Thing I Ever Destroyed

The most expensive thing I ever destroyed was a Michael Jackson Ultimate Collection 5  CD box set.  The discs were pretty hacked, but salvageable.  We had the means to repair such discs, but the deeper the blemish, the harder this is.  Retail price on it was probably around $55, we had sunk at least $20 or $25 into it.  We didn’t see too many of them, which is why one of the staff paid $20 or $25 for a hacked box set.

Four of the discs we were able to fix no problem.  One of them was really bad.  It had one deep scratch in it that just refused to come out.  Other staff members, even the guy who was generally the best at getting scratches out, had failed as well.  One night it was slow in the store so I decided to take another shot at it.

I could see the scratch, clear as a bell, but I couldn’t feel anything with my fingernail.  We must have buffed it down so close to the actual scratch.  I just needed to buff a little more…and then I applied a little pressure.  A little more.  Looking good.  A little more…

Then I felt the familiar, frictiony bite of the plastic in the CD melting.  Once you’ve melted a disc, it’s done.  Finished.  Garbage.  Worthless.  You can see, if you look close enough.  You can see a tiny deflection, a distortion, kind of like a hot road on a summer day.  Once the plastic is melted, your player’s laser is refracted and the CD will skip.  And it will probably skip very, very badly.

That’s how I destroyed an expensive and rare Michael Jackson box set, forever and ever.

Part 215: Mono

RECORD STORE TALES Part 215:  Mono

Today, I was listening to some old-school Dio, and I had a thought.  A sudden thought that I wanted to explore:

“My taste in music was 100% solidified by that month in 1986 that I had mono!”

Yeah!  I think it’s true!  I was sick at home for a month (at least) too tired to do anything except record videos on the Pepsi Power Hour!  I was inundated with a steady intake of incredible songs, in many cases for the first time.  And because I still have the old VHS tapes, I know exactly what’s on them.  This brief but intense period of my life was rocked by this soundtrack, over and over again:

power hourOzzy Osbourne – “The Ultimate Sin”

Hear N’ Aid – “Stars”

Dio – “Rock and Roll Children”

Black Sabbath – “Die Young”

Lee Aaron – “Shake It Up”

ZZ Top – “Rough Boy”

Kim Mitchell – “Lager and Ale”

Thor (Jon Mikl Thor) – “Keep the Dogs Away”

Triumph – “Never Surrender”

Loudness – “Let It Go”

Spinal Tap – “Hell Hole”, the theme song that my sister and I dedicated to our old Catholic grade school!

These songs were first impressed upon me during that period, the visuals always cool and intriguing to me.  Especially Lee Aaron.  Ahem.  Anyway.  I watched these videos over and over again.   I recorded the audio (in mono) (…hah, I made a pun!) to a cassette so I could listen to them on my Walkman.  This came in handy at the cottage.  We didn’t have a VCR or cable there, so the only way to bring my songs was to tape them from the TV.

That one intense period of being stuck at home with nothing but heavy metal heroes might have made me the LeBrain I am today.  I’m glad something good came out of it!  I couldn’t even go swimming that entire summer!

Part 214.5: Klassik Kwote – The New Pornographers

NEKO

Back in March, I said that the Klassic Kwote well had run dry.  I just remembered this one that I had to share.

In summer 2003, we carried Electric Version by the New Pornographers on our front chart.  One customer thought he was tremendously clever with this question, asked in loud bellow:

“The NEW Pornographers?  What was wrong with the OLD pornographers?  I didn’t know there were new ones!  HA HA HA!  Haaaaaah..ha ha!  Didn’t get the memo!  Hah…”

Part 214: The Rules 2

RECORD STORE TALES Part 214:  The Rules 2

One of my most popular posts from the first year of this site was Part 19:  “The Rules”.  We had a lot of rules.  Some made sense, some were ludicrous, but one thing’s for sure:  we had them!  I’ve talked about the store play rules, the piercing rules, and others.  Here’s some more!

  • Don’t point.  This is a good rule.  Don’t point.  Customer comes in and says, “Hey, where’s your Lady Gaga?”  Don’t point.  If it was that easy, they would have found Lady Gaga on their own.  Take them out on the floor and show them where it is.
  • Don’t make fun of the music your customer is buying.  Nobody likes that.  Some people unfortunately have that unpleasant experience while buying music.
  • If a customer has first dibs/a reservation for a specific title, and it comes in used, that customer gets that title.  Simple.  Some staff members abused that rule if the item was rare enough…myself included!
  • Don’t eat your fuckin’ lunch at the counter.  Gross.

Some of the rules I had problems with included the following:

  • No sitting.  Our original store had a chair, that we were not allowed to use.  But when I first started, standing for 8 hours straight with no break was really hard.  It took a while to get used to that.  Since we worked alone at that time, it was really exhausting to work that long without a break.  If you’re working alone for 8 hours straight with no breaks, a chair is helpful.
  • You must be 15 minutes early for every shift.  Only problem – they didn’t pay you for those 15 minutes!
  • No hiring family or friends.  My sister, who is a world class musician with loads of customer service experience, didn’t even get considered for a job when she applied.  I was even given shit for letting her apply!  Meanwhile, friends of other people somehow got hired, perhaps because they were friends with the right people?

But it’s all good, no hard feelings.  With hindsight, my sister is doing pretty good now anyway.

Here’s a selection of rules that I would have liked, in a perfect world:

  • Getting paid for all the time you put in.   That would be a good rule.
  • No Macy Gray.  When her first album came out, one employee played it constantly.  I never need to hear a Macy Gray song ever again.
  • No eating subs with onions at any time, any where, before or during a shift.  Gross.

KEEP CALM

Part 213: A Dandy Douche In Need is a Dandy Douche Indeed

RECORD STORE TALES Part 213:
A Dandy Douche In Need is a Dandy Douche Indeed

While digging through old papers, hard drives, and photos for this blog, I ran across some interesting journal entries.  I had forgotten this myself, but the handful of entries flooded back the memories.  They are regarding Dandy, a person about whom I have very little positive to say.  He brought me never-ending grief.

I remember that there was a fire downtown, and he lived near (or below?) the unit that ignited.  He lost everything in the fire due to water damage.  He couldn’t even go in to get his clothes, it was taped off.  For whatever reason (and I really cannot remember my thoughts to this day), I — me!? — organized a relief fund for him.

I remember Jonathan asking me why I wanted to help him.  I wish I knew what I told Jon.  My motivations are lost to me now.   I think part of the reason I did this was ignorance.  I didn’t know about half the shit he pulled, until after he quit his job at the record store.  If I had known then what I know now, would I have organized a relief fund?

I’ll let the unedited journals speak for themselves.  Only the names have been changed.

Date: 2004/05/18 19:43

I’m putting a collection together to help [Dandy] out after his fire. He had to buy clothes just to come to work today. So far I’ve collected $50, and by Thursday I hope to buy him some sweet gift certificates to replace his clothes and anything else essential he may need. I expect I’ll be able to get about $200 or so by Thursday afternoon. At least I certainly hope so.

You know, I’m not heartless. I can’t forgive [Dandy] for what he did…but that was nothing compared to this tragedy. I think anybody who couldn’t understand my doing this is really, really heartless. I don’t know how someone could feel that way about another person.

Date: 2004/05/19 10:31

Just sold one of my Zeppelin CDs [I had another version of it] and threw the proceeds into the [Dandy] fund.

Date: 2004/05/19 14:02

OK, Julie just stepped up to bat and gave $25 to [Dandy] via PayPal.

Date: 2004/05/20 21:36

Relief fund is now done, and I beat my goal.  I collected $220 for him.  Unfortunately, [someone] accidentally sent HIM an email that should have been sent to me, so he knows about it, there will be no surprise.

It’s actually kind of uncomfortable to read my younger self’s words with the years between us now.  It is what it is: LeBrain in the raw!

GOODY

Part 212: Top 3 Crushes

RECORD STORE TALES Part 212:  Top 3 Rock Star Crushes

I was quite legendary at the Record Store for my celebrity crushes.  I talked before about about Dayna Manning — she was but one on my list of fantasy girls.

3. MARIA DEL MAR (National Velvet)

T-Rev and I were given tickets to see Helix at Stages, in 1996.  Opening was a new band fronted by ex-National Velvet singer Maria Del Mar.  You might remember National Velvet’s hit, “Sex Gorilla”.  Her new band was good, and after the show Maria came and sat down next to us!  Gasp!  She was really loaded.  T-Rev and I handed her business cards for our stores and encouraged her to visit, call, sell albums there on consignment, anything!

Unfortunately, it seemed to us that she preferred the sharp Austrian looks of Peter the Rocker, who also attended the show.  Maria wouldn’t leave him alone.  She never called us either.  At least Helix were good!

Tastes as sweet as “Sex Gorilla”

2. NICOLE HUGHES (Scratching Post)

A couple friends of ours opened for this band in 1998.  I drooled all over the stage looking at singer/guitarist Nicole Hughes.  That red hair.  The leather skirk, playing that guitar.  Oh yeah.  I was in love.  I admired every magazine cover she appeared on.  One of the girls at work used to try to bug me by commenting that Hughes’ mouth was “too big”.

I never had the guts to speak to her at any of those concerts!  Nothing more than a “great show, eh.”  I was given copies of their two albums for my birthday one year.  Imagine my horror at finding that I didn’t really like them.  I sold them off before I quit the store.

Scratching Post’s only really good tune, “Bloodflame”

1.       TALENA ATFIELD (Kittie)

I was never a Kittie fan.  I’m not denying their talent, I’m just not a fan of that sound.  I’ve never bought any of their albums.  I only like a couple tunes. But as far as I was concerned, I did like Talena Atfield, the bassist!  After she left Kittie, I found her on MySpace and sent her a message.  Something lame like, “Hey, I manage a record store, you should come in if you’re in town,” or whatever.  The response was brief, but positive – she called me cute!  Well didn’t I go and tell everyone at the store about that?

So, they made fun of me for yet another rock star crush, but it turned out OK in the end.  Now I’m married, and it’s fun to look back of these rock crushes. Mrs. LeBrain used to like Trent Reznor, so I know I’m OK!  (She says she likes her men short.)

Next time on Record Store Tales…

Long-forgotten Dandy drama

Part 211: The House of Lords Debacle

RECORD STORE TALES Part 211:  The House of Lords Debacle

Joe was on the other end of the phone.  “Mike,” he said.  “I have three CDs here by a band called House of Lords.  You want?”

I’d first heard House of Lords in ’88.  Gene Simmons was promoting them like mad.  They were signed to his new imprint, $immons Records.  A guy called Loz Netto was his first signing, but House of Lords was his first rock acquisition.  They included ex-members of Guiffria, Quiet Riot, and Alice Cooper.  I picked up their debut on the week of release, but I missed the second and third albums.

“I’ll take two!” I responded without hesitation.  “I’ll take the ones titled Sahara and Demons Down.”

Joe laughed.  “I knew you’d know who these guys were,” he said.  I saw the pictures of the hairdos on the back and I knew it.”

“Thanks man, send ’em my way.  I will buy them both for sure.”

HOL_0002

Yes, Tommy Aldridge was in House of Lords for a minute

Joe had the two discs sent to my store, attention to me.  But in between his store and mine, they had been intercepted.  Someone had written on the transfer slips, “Sell at $11.99 — no discount.”

No discount?  On House of Lords?  The fuck was this?

Not that $11.99 is a bad price.  That was a high but realistic sticker price for used copies of these albums.  I can get Demons Down on CD from Discogs right now for under 8 bucks.  If I had walked into another store and found them for $12, I would have bought them without hesitation.  It was the principle of the thing that bothered me.  I’ve talked before about how we didn’t get staff discounts on certain special or big ticket items.  House of Lords was hardly the kind of band that would negate a staff discount.  In fact, my boss (who had written the note) had no idea who House of Lords was.

He had obviously seen that the two discs were being sent to me, since he had written the note.  Perhaps he looked at the back and spied the Simmons Records logo.  Either way he personally nixed the the discount.  I called him up to ask what the deal was.

“Hey,” I began.  “These two House of Lords discs.  What’s up with the price?  No discount on these?”

“Nope,” he answered simply.

“Why?” I asked.  “Nobody knows who they are.”

“That’s just what we’ve decided they’re worth,” he replied.

“Alright, well I’m going to pass on them then.  I’m sending them back to Joe’s store.”  I was disappointed.  This kind of penny-ante crap had picked up in recent years.  It was petty.  It seemed arbitrary.

A few years later, more copies came in.  I snagged those, discount intact.  Much like most of the world, the powers that be had simply forgotten who House of Lords were.  And I wasn’t about to say, “Hey, by the way, in case you forgot, staff aren’t supposed to get a discount on House of Lords.”

I’m listening to House of Lords right now.  The funny thing is, for such “special” items, neither is really as good as their debut!

Next time on Record Store Tales…

Crushes!

Part 209: The Phantom Menace

 

RECORD STORE TALES Part 209:  The Phanton Menace

Some at the record store made fun of me for being such a serious Star Wars fan.  I’m not a hard core fanboy; I don’t go to conventions or follow the books and TV shows, but I am pretty dedicated to the films.  I booked May 19, 1999 off work well in advance to see The Phantom Menace on opening day.

I’m not going to turn this story into a review for Phantom Menace.  That movie’s been reviewed by thousands of people and I’m not interested in contributing to the background noise.  The only thing you need to really agree with me on is that there was a tremendous excitement for Phantom Menace back in 1999.  I had been dreaming of what might happen before and after the Holy Trilogy since I was 5 years old.  My sister was only a baby when the first Star Wars came out, but she did get to see Empire in the theaters.  She is a slightly bigger fan than I am, but she doesn’t follow the expanded universe or any of that stuff.

We both booked the day off work and planned to go together.  Our strategy was this:  Since we knew that the theaters would be absolutely packed for the midnight opening, we picked an out of the way (but still THX) theater that had a noon showing. So, all we had to do was wait an extra 12 hours (at home), and we’d get in no problem!

We showed up at the theater and were, like, seventh in line.  No sweat.  Soon we had our seats in a sparsely seated theater.  Then the trailers (something called Titan AE, which inspired a heckle of “What the hell was that?” from the audience).  Then the Fox fanfare, the Lucasfilm logo and finally…”A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away….”

136 minutes later (we stayed for the credits of course) we were pretty satisfied with the movie.  Keep in mind that fast shit had been whizzing in front of our faces for over two hours.  There were things that didn’t make sense, there were things we didn’t like much (the kid, Jar Jar) but we kept telling ourselves the same thing.

“Yeah, but it’s the first chapter.  The next one will be where it really starts.”

As we were talking about it, I said, “Wanna see it again?  It went so fast there was a ton of stuff I’m sure I missed.”

“Sure!” she answered.  “Yeah!”

We went back out to the ticket counter.  There were a few people in line, but not many.  “Two for Star Wars, please,” I said as I approached the counter.

“Didn’t you just come out of Star Wars?” she said with that snooty tone.

“Yep.  We liked it,” I answered.

“And you want to see it again?”  We did.

We went back in.  The second time lacked a bit of the awe.  This time, I paid more attention to the details.  Questions came to my mind.  “If Yoda is the Jedi Master that instructed Obi-Wan, then why is Liam Neeson training him?”  Stuff like that.

I still remember that on the way home, we stopped at the HMV store, and I bought Ed Hunter by Iron Maiden.  When we got home, we were still excited about the movie, telling Mom and Dad all the details.  My dad was skeptical.

“Does it have the emotion of the first one?  Does it have the feeling?” he inquired.

“Well…no not exactly,” I rationalized.  “This is just the first chapter.  The next one will be where it really starts.”

My dad was onto something.

The hilarious Red Letter Media review

I also distinctly remember watching Phantom Menace again with Tom and a franchise owner, on VHS, shortly after it came out.

In 2005 I first met the girl who would later become my wife, but she had never seen Star Wars.  I was really excited to be the guy that got to watch Star Wars with her for the first time.  For some stupid reason that to this day I will never understand, I decided to start her off with Episode I:  The Phantom Menace.  Bad idea.

“That stupid fucking dino-guy” is what she named Jar-Jar Binks.  She hated it.  (She liked Episode III though.)  Then, her dad (rest his soul) decided that he wanted to see the Star Wars prequels too.  One Saturday night I went over there with my DVD copy of Phanton Menace in hand.  And so it was that Jen had to see Phantom Menace not once, but twice.

We’ll be married five years this August, more awesomer than ever, so “that stupid fucking dino-guy” couldn’t have been all that  bad, right?

NEXT TIME ON RECORD STORE TALES…

LeBrain on the radio!