Paul McGowan is back with another question I’ve always wondered about. Audiophile customers at the Record Store would claim that the CD layer of Super Audio CDs sounded better than a regular CD. That didn’t seem likely or even possible. Paul clears it up here, and I’m not surprised at all.
Some of the most fun shows are the unexpected ones. I had no idea how much fun it would be to talk Karate Kid and Cobra Kai for an hour. But when you have Rob Daniels and Dr. Kathryn along for the ride, you’re bound to learn something. I have a feeling that this show will be some of the best Karate Kid content on YouTube. We covered it all, and Dr. Kathryn taught us just about everything we needed to know about this long-lived and well-loved franchise.
We saw books, autographs, CDs, action figures and a personal message from actor Sean Kanan. We also saw a lot of Cobra Kai branded clothing! But even better than the things we looked at were the stories that we heard. Whether personal stories, or tales of the making of the movies, the talk was top notch tonight.
Meanwhile, Harrison schooled us on Ninja Turtles, another popular martial arts franchise. Rob also showed us some cool Bruce Lee soundtracks.
For “Ask Harrison”, we had a surprise question from “Blaze Bayley” himself! We also had a group question from MarriedandHeels about that most hated of bands: Nickelback! Discussion ensued.
This turned out to be the second most popular show we’ve done to date! Thanks for watching everyone!
GRAB A STACK OF ROCK…with Mike and the Mad Metal Man
Episode 12: Karate Kid/Cobra Kai with Dr. Kathryn and Rob Daniels
Every once in a while, we have to do a show that I know nothing about. Why? Because I love hanging out with guests like Dr. Kathryn and Rob Daniels. If Dr. Kathryn says “I wanna show off all my cool autographed Karate Kid stuff,” then I have no choice but to oblige.
This week, Dr. Kathryn and Rob Daniels will be talking Karate Kid and Cobra Kai. We will see action figures, autographs, and a personal message from Cobra Kai actor Sean Kanan.
Meanwhile Harrison has some Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles for that martial arts action, and I will show off my Reaction Figure collection, since they also make Karate Kid toys. Join us!
Friday January 20 at 7:00 P.M. E.S.T. Enjoy on YouTube or on Facebook.
RECORD STORE TALES #1039: Catalogue
There was one chain back in the Record Store days that was considered our chief rival. They weren’t really; they were actually much bigger than us, but the Boss Man really had his radar locked on that one specific rival. The other guy made an offer to buy us out, but there wasn’t much he could do if we were not for sale. It was a cold war rather than a hot war from my perspective. I did have to eject the rival from my store once. We had standing orders (and a picture of the guy behind the counter, a Mutt Lange lookalike) to eject if he was seen in store. That wasn’t fun. He was with someone else, a buddy or a business associate and I had to kick him out!
I cannot be certain, but I think one of the main reasons the Boss Man didn’t want his rival in our store was one particular secret.
It is true that we had a general policy of “loose lips sink ships” – meaning “don’t say shit”! You can imagine how much the Boss loves my website, which is why I don’t name any of the guilty parties, but these stories are from another millennium. None of it actually matters anymore. One thing he didn’t want known is just what we were using as our pricing guide when buying and stocking used CDs from the public.
The rival’s store had an annual catalogue. It was about the size of a telephone book. From the very start, we used that catalogue as a guide. We knew their lowest retail price for everything they sold, which was virtually everything currently in print on a major label. Every year, the store managers were sent out to buy the latest issue. One at a time, so as to not raise flags. Every year, we had to make white book covers to disguise the true origin of the catalogues that we could be seen flipping through. When things got computerized, we scanned, line by line, every single CD in that catalogue to begin our own pricing guide.
It grew from there by many times over, as we added discs from other labels, out of print CDs, and everything else we ran across in our travels. Within a short period of time, our pricing guide was many times the size of their original catalogue. Obviously, having a custom made pricing guide on the computer was superior and a mere glimpse at the future. Still, I kinda miss wrapping those big ole catalogues in paper and decorating the new covers. The new kids will never know.
We’ve been teasing this one since August. The long-awaited new Space chapter by John T. Snow of 2loud2oldmusic!
THE ADVENTURES OF TEE BONE MAN CHAPTER XII: LOST IN SPACE
Thunder Bay: the dead of winter. A blizzard is roaring strong, and the Great White North is living up to its name. The lair door at Deke’s Palace slams open, and the cold and the snow comes rushing in. As do Tee Bone Man and Superdekes, exhausted from another superhero save. This time it was an easy one: a moose was on the loose inside a liquor store. No way were Tee Bone Man and Superdekes going to let a moose destroy any whiskey or scotch…or heck, any alcoholic beverage that they could one day consume. They each plop down on the couch and open a brand new bottle of their favourite beverage. Gifts from the store owner as a thank-you for their assistance. The two heroes kick back.
Superdekes exclaimed, “Damn, that was sure fun. I didn’t know you could ride a moose, Tee Bone”.
Tee Bone admitted the truth. “I don’t! That dang creature picked me up by the horns and threw me on his back. I just went along for the ride. I can’t believe I lasted a full eight seconds. Maybe I should take up bull riding.”
“Well, you are good at slinging bull…well, you know, I don’t think that qualifies you!” laughed Superdekes.
After only a few minutes of drinking, the buzz started building and they started reminiscing about their most awesome adventures, from Sasquatch, to Satan, to time travel.
Tee Bone even thought momentarily about that damn squirrel, but he didn’t bring that one up to Superdekes, preferring to let it burrow silent trauma deep within his psyche. That would be better in the long run, he reasoned.
Superdekes asked Tee Bone, “Hey, remember that idiot that had a Snowman army? You know, the guy that looked like Richard Dreyfuss. What a doofus, but man does he give generous Christmas gifts!” Deke was looking at the statement he received for his share of Mr. Big’s earnings, courtesy of a coerced Billy Sheehan and facilitated by the Snowman.
“Of course I remember him. The Snowman! He gave me the original Frankenstrat. I wonder what kind of trouble he is getting into these days…” Tee Bone pondered as his phone began to ring.
“There it is,” said Deke dryly.
Previously that day, in a bright and sunny California, The Snowman was sitting in dingy booth inside a greasy pit of a diner…his favourite sort of place. He liked to mix with the riff raff. Snowman couldn’t find a Waffle House, so this would have to do. It was another glorious day in Los Angeles. The sun was shining, the temperature was perfect and the Snowman was getting ready to negotiate a deal with Gene Simmons and Paul Stanley to buy “The Warehouse”: the Kiss Warehouse, full of everything Kiss from over the years loaded with costumers, to guitars, to drums and stage equipment, to name a few things. It was his dream to own it, and since he had more money than sense…he was ready to fulfil that dream.
The waitress approached. She was smoking hot. Snowman gazed at her tight short skirt, and open blouse with enough cleavage showing to satisfy any man or woman and to generate nice big tips. Her hair was golden and sunkissed just right. She was probably an actress, as all waiters and waitresses in L.A. were. She smiled that big, friendly smile and said “Dang, has any one told you that you look like Richard Dreyfuss?”
“No, I can’t say that anyone has,” The Snowman responded, knowing full well that everyone has.
“I think you are him! You are playing with me aren’t you,” she sassed back.
“I’m afraid not and I can prove it,” he responded.
“Yeah, how’s that?” she asked.
“Well, for starters, that is Richard Dreyfuss walking in the door right now,” The Snowman said, quite stunned.
And sure enough, the bell rang on the front door and in walked The Richard Dreyfuss. But he seemed preoccupied, almost in a zombie state. He walked right up to the Snowman’s table and sat down in the booth. He turned to the waitress, staring at her chest, and she asked, “Can I get you anything Mr. Dreyfuss?”
“Mashed Potatoes! And lots of them,” Richard said robotically. He turned to the Snowman and said “They’re coming again. They will be here soon.”
The Snowman nodded and said rather questionably “Okay? Are you alright Mr. Dreyfuss? Can I help you with anything?”. Richard said nothing. The waitress returned with the mashed potatoes and put them in front of Richard. He immediately reached in and started mushing them around and building what looked like a mountain. The Snowman knew he has encountered that before at least three times, but couldn’t place it.
The weather outside started changing. Clouds were moving in, the wind was blowing harder and harder. The sky was getting darker and darker. Then flames started shooting down from the sky. Something was landing in the parking lot of the diner! With a loud bang and a whoosh of smoke, everything suddenly froze. Nothing moved. Everyone was frozen in place…everyone except Richard Dreyfuss and the Snowman. The Snowman reached for his phone and speed-dialed Tee Bone Man and Superdekes. He didn’t raise it to his ear, but left it in his pocket so they could hear what was going on…when and if they answered!
In through the door came several little green men…seriously! They were little and green! They looked like Marvin the Martian, and the Snowman was half expecting Bugs Bunny to come sauntering in after them. They stopped in front of their table and spoke in plain English which freaked the Snowman out. “We are here for Richard Dreyfuss! And since we don’t know which one of you is Richard Dreyfuss, we are taking you both with us back to Mars.”
Martians! The Snowman laughed and said, “Like hell you are, you little green pile of sh…” but before he could finish that line, the Martian pulled out a phaser and shot them both, leaving them unconscious. The bad thing for the real Richard Dreyfuss was that his head collapsed into the mountain of mashed potatoes. The Snowman’s head just banged hard on the table, probably making him even dumber than he already was. It was going to leave a mark.
The lead Martian said to his cohorts, “Grab them and take them to our ship. We have what we need to finalize our plan. Let’s get them back to Mars. It is time to put the plan in motion, as we take over Earth. Everyone will bow to us and worship us. We will be Kings of this world,” as he stepped up on the booth with his arms held out wide like Leo from Titanic. However his minions had already left, and no one was around anymore to hear him bantering on or witness his embarassing posturing. He got down, feeling pretty silly.
The alien spaceship took off, but luckily the Snowman’s phone was still in his pocket, and Tee Bone Man and Superdekes heard everything. As the ship vanished, everyone in the restaurant and surrounding area unfroze and went on their day as if nothing happened.
Tee Bone and Superdekes sat in stunned silence in their lair, listening to the call. They couldn’t believe what was happening. Superdekes broke the silence. ”How the heck do we help them? We can’t go into space. We don’t have any of that kind of tech.”
Tee Bone grinned and said, “Well, that isn’t actually true. Remember at Christmas, when the Snowman came by with gifts? You asked me about that envelope he handed me?”
“I have a drunken stupor memory of that…I think.” Deke answered. “What was in that envelope?”
Tee Bone Man reached into the utility belt of his uniform, and removed from a small pouch, an American Express Black Card.
“This,” explained Tee Bone Man, “is not a credit card. Hold up your phone.”
Deke held up his phone, and Tee Bone placed the card over the screen, which suddenly went black. After it flashed white, it now presented a map.
“What the…?” asked Deke. “What’s this a map to? That Snowman has more money than sense.”
“You’re right, but this time, maybe he was on the right track. The Snowman was worried about what would happen if we ever had visitors from outer space, and how we would be able to defend Earth. I think he’d watched The Avengers one too many times. Him thinking he was Tony Stark or something. He said he was having visions, like Richard Dreyfuss had in that space movie. He was obsessed with defending Earth from aliens. I tried convincing him to put his money into some mutual funds, but I couldn’t talk him out of this. So, we’ve been building something, just in case we had to go into space. Now keep in mind, the Snowman is a little bizarre, but I think you will like what we built. Get on your flying bike. We’re going for a ride.”
Tee Bone Man strapped his new genuine Australian boomerang to his back, while Superdekes stored his new Balls of Steel in his backpack. Deke mounted his ride, and Tee Bone took to the air, as they followed the signal on Deke’s phone. It was taking them miles away, near the US/Canada border. Tee Bone Man began his descent and spotted a small concrete bunker in a hidden clearing. Superdekes landed nearby.
They regrouped at the bunker, just shoulder height, with a concrete door in the side they faced. To the right of the door was a small recess, and in that recess was a statue of what looked like Richard Dreyfuss. Tee Bone lifted the head of the Dreyfuss statue, inserted the card in the mouth, and pushed the button underneath. The door slid open to reveal a flight of stairs that went down below their ground.
Deke exclaimed, “What the Fu@#!”
They descended the steps into a vast hanger, filled with all sorts of electronic equipment and two massive ships. One was an exact replica of an X-Wing fighter and the other was a TIE Interceptor, as the Snowman loved his Star Wars. Talk about mixing up his movie franchises! Tee Bone addressed his friend. “Don’t be mad that I didn’t include you! The Snowman said I had to keep it a secret, until we needed to do this. He paid for everything, and we had the best scientists involved, as he spared no expense. What a sucker! But dang if they don’t actually work! Get ready for the ride of your life.”
Deke asked, “Cool! Which one do I get?” as he ran towards the X-Wing.
“I guess you get that one,” answered Tee Bone Man.
They each got in their ships, flipped a few very switches and started the engines.
“It sure is a good thing the controls are simple,” said a relieved Tee Bone. “Just like the old Atari 2600 back home.”
“Snowman is kinda a simpleton,” shrugged Deke.
Richard Dreyfus and the Snowman were being escorted down a gleaming silver passage by two Marians with phasers. They weren’t restrained, which seemed odd, but where the heck were they going to run to if they escaped? A set of doors slid open with a whoosh, and standing there was something they never dreamt of seeing. Or someone. Their mouths fell open and slammed into the floor.
There in the fat flesh was Donald J. Trump. But was it really? Something was off.
Standing next to Don was the head Martian. “Welcome to Mars,” he said. “You are brought here because Richard Dreyfuss is the greatest American actor in the universe. And we have a problem. We have cloned Donald Trump, but we can’t get him to act like the real Donald Trump, the self-absorbed narcissist.”
The Trump clone came up to Dreyfuss and the Snowman and asked, “How are you guys? I appreciate you taking time out of your day to come to help me. That is the nicest thing!” And with that, it was patently obvious that it wasn’t the real Trump.
The alien stated, “We need you, with your incredible acting talent, to teach him how to act like Donald Trump.”
The Snowman quickly retorted, “Well, he’s missing the stupid red ball cap first and foremost.” Snowman strolled up to Trump’s clone, and started trying to teach him how to act like Trump. Not being a very good actor, all he sounded like was William Shatner, and he emphasized every other word as if it was super important.
The main Martian screamed “STOP, STOP, STOP!! You are not the real Richard Dreyfuss! That was horrendous! You might look like Richard Dreyfuss, but you sound like William Shatner! Not a good actor. Guards, get rid of him!!”
With that, the guards grabbed the Snowman and threw him outside an airlock, where he was surprised to find he could breathe the thin, cold Martian atmosphere. He saw a bright area of red dirt not far away, with a pair of legs sticking out of a hole in the ground. Snowman was followed by two Martian guards, who grabbed his arms. “Oh my goodness, they are going to bury me upside down in the dirt with my legs sticking out!” The Snowman started trying to break free and escape, but their grip was too tight and strong. There was nothing he could do. The guards tossed him head first into a hole. Before he was completely buried, he heard some explosions.
Coming in from above were two space fighters, firing lasers everywhere they could. Things were blowing up left and right. Superdekes shouted over the radio, “Red Five going in.”
Tee Bone Man sighed, “Really, we are going with that.? What are we, 12 year olds?”
“I’m flying an actual X-Wing Fighter, I can be whatever I want to be”, Superdekes explained with gleeful enthusiasm.
Two Martian ships came after them on an intercept course, and a vicious dog fight ensued. The spaceships were flying by each other at breakneck speeds. Laser cannons fired and just missed Tee Bone Man. He laughed and reversed course hard, getting the one ship in his crosshairs. He opened fire.
BOOOM!! The Martian ship was toast.
Superdekes swiftly got the upper hand on the other ship, which flew upside down over him. Dekes took a picture with his camera phone and shot them the bird! He then dropped back and blew the ship out of the sky. It was a crazy, maverick thing to do.
With both Martian ships destroyed, Superdekes and Tee Bone Man came in for a landing. Before exiting, Tee Bone Man warned Superdekes, “Look in the compartment on your right. Open it up and take what’s in there. You’ll love it.” Superdekes did as he was told, and inside were a phaser, and an honest-to-God actual working lightsaber.
They both jumped down from their ships and immediately took on enemy fire. Shots were landing all around them. They both fired back and then looked at each other and lit their lightsabers. Deke’s was green. Tee Bone’s was blue. Battle was rough at first, as an untrained Tee Bone man singed a little of his hair with the first swing. More shots came and they both blocked them with the lightsabers.
“This is amazing” Tee Bone Man screamed. “I feel invincible,” as he cut through the Martians like a hot knife through butter!
“Does this count as murder?” asked Deke. Tee Bone shrugged. The carnage went on for only minutes, as they seemed to have killed all the Martians and all was suddenly quiet. They disengaged their sabers.
Tee Bone Man looked over to his left and saw two pairs of legs dangling out of the dirt and exclaimed “What in Gordie Howe’s holy name is that?” Superdekes shrugged but went over to look.
The pair dug out the first person, and it wasn’t the Snowman. It was a balding gentleman with a goatee and glasses caked with Martian dirt. Superdekes exclaimed “Dude! Who the heck are you, and how did you get Buried on Mars?”
“My name is Kevin,” he said, cleaning himself off. “I was doing a podcast for a review on a Richard Dreyfuss movie and I said what a horrible actor he was. The next thing I knew everything went black, and I was upside down in a hole. I didn’t even know I was on Mars!”
“Dude you were Buried on Mars!” said Tee Bone as he dug up the next set of legs. Thankfully, it was the Snowman. Tee Bone Man exclaimed, “What the heck is going on?”
The Snowman caught them up the best he could, which wasn’t very good. He told the pair, “We have to go save Richard Dreyfuss. He’s inside with a clone of Donald Trump!” Everyone looked shocked or stupefied, not sure which.
The Buried on Mars fellow, Kevin, spoke up. “Richard Dreyfuss is here? Did he do this to me?” The Snowman said that it was Martians and told him everything that had happened, but Kevin was still too stunned to follow it all. Kevin blinked in confusion. “I’m just going to wait over here,” he pointed to a rock.
The other three rushed into the building, Tee Bone Man and Superdekes leading the way with their lightsabers. They met no resistance from any Martians. The base was not heavily fortified. They all assumed the Earthlings couldn’t reach Mars. Our group came to the room they were looking for, and the doors opened again with a whoosh. Standing in side was Richard Dreyfuss, doing his best Donald Trump impressions for the clone. The clone appeared to be catching on.
The lead Martian was in the room with them, and managed to grab Superdekes’ lightsaber with his mind. It flew it in the air to his own hands. The disarmed Deke took his Balls of Steel from his backpack and took up a defensive stance. Unless they were made of Vibranium, chances are that the lightsaber would cut them in half. Even then, Deke was not too sure about the cutting power of lightsabers. It was never consistent in the fiction!
Tee Bone Man prepared to duel. Then, he remembered he had his phaser, set to kill. Trying to pose like Indiana Jones, he drew it swiftly and shot the Martian dead in a single blast.
“Well that was easy” Tee Bone Man said with a smile, and blew the smoke from the barrel. “I didn’t even have to use my boomerang on this mission.”
The clone approached Superdekes and Tee Bone Man. “How are you guys? I appreciate you taking time out of your day to come and help me. That is the nicest thing.”
They both were a little freaked out and said confusedly, ”You’re welcome?”
The Snowman turned to Superdekes and Tee Bone Man. ”Can we keep him? We could replace Trump with this nice guy, and maybe the world could finally be great again.”
They looked at each other and mumbled, “What an idiot!” Tee Bone tried to explain. “That’s not a bad idea in theory…. Are we sure Snowman’s not the clone?” he laughed. “But no…can’t do it, Snowman. Two Trumps on Earth, there would be chaos like you’ve never seen. Can you imagine the conspiracy people?” Tee Bone turned to the clone. “Sorry, but this is where you belong.”
Trump answered, “That’s fine, I don’t mind, just as long as you’re all safe.”
Tee Bone and Deke escorted everyone out to their ships, but there was a slight problem. The X-Wing and TIE Interceptor could carry just one person each. How were they going to get everyone back? They looked around and eventually found a Martian spacecraft they hadn’t blown up, and borrowed it for a short while. Who are we kidding, they stole it. They were not going to return it.
Superdekes and Tee Bone Man climbed into their ships, while Richard Dreyfuss, Kevin and the Snowman headed to the other ship. “Can anyone fly one of these?” asked Snowman of his crew. Fortunately, Kevin had plenty of gaming experience and figured it out in short order. But before the door closed on his ship, the Snowman grabbed the Donald Trump clone, and pulled him so quickly that Tee Bone Man and Superdekes couldn’t see. With Kevin in the pilot seat, flanked by Snowman and Trump, and Dreyfuss behind at the tailguns, the pilot and passengers prepared for space flight! Kevin pushed some buttons and activated the thrust. With that, the three ships launched for Earth, and home. The Trump clone smiled a dumb smile the whole way back.
Two months later, Tee Bone and Dekes were in their lair drinking…no surprise there! A breaking news story suddenly flashed on the TV screen. The broadcaster announced “Two hours ago, Former President Donald Trump had fallen, banged his head and was found unconscious. He is currently being treated at the at General Hospital. We are going live to the hospital with an update from his doctors.”
Instead of doctors coming to the podium, it was Donald Trump himself. He says, “‘Thank you all for coming, I appreciate the help from the doctors as they were wonderful. The smartest doctors in the world. If you ever get hurt, you want to come get help from these doctors. They are the best. But it is easy to be the best when you are working on the best because that is me. I’m fine and cleared to go home. There is no concussion, and all is well.”
A slight pause and then he added “How are you guys? I appreciate you taking time out of your day to come and check on me. That is the nicest thing.”
Tee Bone Man and Superdekes’ eyes got really wide, and Superdekes asked, ”You don’t think Snowman switched them out, do you?”
They both shook their head, “Nah. Impossible.”
THE ADVENTURES OF TEE BONE MAN: PHASE ONE
Chapter Zero: Tee Bone Man – Origins (by LeBrain) Coming March 2023
Chapter One: A Friend in Need (by LeBrain)
Chapter Two: Hell Freezes Over (by Harrison Kopp)
Chapter Three: Hell Ain’t A Bad Place to Be (by LeBrain)
Chapter Four: Tee Bone Man and the Rink of…Doom? (by Aaron KMA)
Chapter Five: The Super Duper Vault (by John Snow)
Chapter Six: Tee Bone Man Goes to Camp (by LeBrain)
Chapter Seven: The Revenge of Common Knowledge (by LeBrain)
Chapter Eight: Tee Bone & Deke’s Time Travelling Adventure (by 80sMetalMan)
Chapter Nine: Castle Communications (by Harrison Kopp)
Chapter Ten: The Case of the Lost Iron Maiden Socks (by LeBrain)
Chapter Eleven: A Tee Bone Man Christmas (by all five of us)
Chapter Twelve: Lost In Space (by John T. Snow)
Chapter Thirteen: Clip Show (by LeBrain) Coming February 2023
THE EXTENDED LEBRAINIVERSE
The Adventures of Edie Van Heelin’: Edie vs. Tommy Lee in the Bouncy Castle of Doom! (By LeBrain)
The Advenures of Edie Van Heelin’: Edie and the Quest for the Lost Lego (By LeBrain with Harrison Kopp)
The Adventures of Edie Van Heelin’: Edie Van Heelin’s Canadian Vacation (By LeBrain) Coming soon
The Writer’s Room: Chapter One
The Writer’s Room: It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like a Tee Bone Man Christmas
Instagram spambots are the weirdest thing. Unlike most people, I like responding to my spam. I find it entertaining. The spam below was in response to yesterday’s post about being “Cool”.
My response about my “great works” generated even more comments from spambots, advising me that the $30,000 was real. But the weirdest one arrived by private message below. So fucking weird.
The best comment came from Marco of the Contrarians who does a dead-perfect spambot impersonation:
you’ve been ingeniously living an incredible time , I’m certain you will continue on your path of success with much courageous. Message her to find out more about longevity and find out more
Cheers for the laugh Marco!
RECORD STORE TALES #1038: Cool
Recently I’ve been thinking about what it means to be “cool”. I certainly do not feel “cool”. I have certainly pretended to be cool. I had many phases of attempts at being cool. They were mostly spectacular failures with a few notable successes. Yet only rarely and sporadically did I ever actually feel “cool”.
As a young misfit kid with only a few close friends, I was a loner at school. I was more interested in reading books while listening to John Williams soundtracks than hockey. There’s a line in a Tragically Hip song called “Fireworks” that sort of outlines what it was like to have no interest in hockey. “You said you didn’t give a fuck about hockey, and I never saw someone say that before.” The kids at school teased me because I didn’t know who any of the Maple Leafs were and I certainly had no interest in skating. It was just something I had to do. My mother made me take hockey lessons and I hated the way those skates made my feet ache. I just couldn’t wait to get off the ice where my dad would buy me a Mountain Dew. I could barely skate and still can’t. My mom told me that “every good Canadian should know how to skate.” I just wanted to go home and play with my beloved Star Wars guys. My Luke, Han, Darth, and Stormtrooper figures were always a comfort at home. I was not cool.
Along came music and I was still not cool. The other kids had Duran Duran and Mr. Mister while I discovered the back catalogue of a dinosaur rock band called Kiss. I made a pathetic attempt at growing my hair. To the other kids at school, I was the nerd who wore the Han Solo shirt a couple years ago, and was now decked out in a Judas Priest shirt that said “Rock Hard Ride Free”. I was not cool.
I sat in my basement with my VCR, and I watched and rewatched Kiss Animalize Live Uncensored and studied Paul Stanley. He obviously had no problem being cool. All he had to do was tell a story about his Love Gun and he had women throwing their underwear at him. He looked so cool when he danced on stage. He had these tassels on his pants that twirled when he did these spinning kick moves. I would get a tennis racket and try doing the same moves in the street in front of my house. I felt cool. I imagined the music behind me. I imagined it was a real guitar in my arms, and tassels on my pants. I felt cool…but I was not cool.
Highschool came and went, and I had a pretty low profile. Girls didn’t know my name and I didn’t raise my hand in class. I wanted to be cool but anonymity was OK too. I didn’t have the baggage of my nerdy Star Wars past so I established myself as a rocker from day one. That didn’t really make me cool; the majority of kids were short-hairs who liked music I wouldn’t touch with a ten foot pole. I got by, but I was not cool.
University came and went with the same anonymity, but the very foundations on which I had built my persona were crumbling. In 1991 Kurt Cobain made greasy hair and ratty sweaters the new cool, and I was left behind in the dust. It took two years, but in 1993 I finally cut my hair. I went with a short hair and bearded look. I didn’t even feel cool anymore. I was not cool.
I don’t think I really felt a smidgen cool until I started working at the record store in 1994. Then I had something I could boast about. It was a cool job. I felt a bit like an imposter, that I was not cool enough for that job, but I sure made people know I worked in a record store. Grunge was popular, nu-metal was on its way, and I was still stuck in the 70s and 80s. I really struggled with a persona during the record store years. I had a variety of hair styles and colours. I bought a pair of Doc Marten boots. I got a whole bunch of piercings. At this point, I started to become a little bit more successful in my dating life. The ladies seemed to like the spiky blonde hair and the piercings. I may have looked cool, but in hindsight it was just another attempt at being cool. I was not cool.
I quit the record store, and I got married. For the first time in my life, I started to feel a little cool. I had a good job, the most amazing wife, and I had a killer wedding. Awesome music. We were told by mulitple guests from all age groups that it was the best, most fun wedding, they’d ever been to. I felt awesome. After marriage, Jen and I threw a number of killer house parties. I did multiple studio appearances on radio. I felt cool and I think for a little while, for a change, I was cool.
Age started creeping up on me and the years started taking their toll. I began to take more value in how comfortable things were, rather than how cool they looked. I had new priorities in life, like maintaining a house and taking care of a sick wife. The things that used to matter more were trivial now. I had to appear somewhat professional at work and be prepared to put on steel toe boots and a helmet. Carefully crafted hair and flashy shoes had no place anymore. I was not cool.
Yet the definitions of cool have once again changed. Have they moved in a direction more to my favour this time? I don’t know, but suddenly Star Wars is popular again and old rock bands pull in crowds of all ages when they embark on the second-last ever farewell tours. Older guys with grey hair seem to be popular — looking at you Anson Mount (and Tim Durling). Is it possible…that the time has come that I’m cool again?
I wear Crocs. In fact now I wear Crocs with freakin’ headlights on them. People know this. They are aware of it. Yet some of the coolest people in the world that I know…tell me I’m cool?
You can imagine why I’m skeptical.
I don’t think I’ll ever really feel cool. Do you? Have you felt cool in your life? What did it feel like, and what did it do for your life? I think when I feel cool, I feel more confident. Confidence is important in moderation. It won’t be long before I used to be with “it”, but then they changed what”it” was. Then what I’m with isn’t “it” anymore and what’s “it” seems weird and scary. It’ll happen to you!
This time, the Red Shirt didn’t die! Spoiler alert: Ensign Durling survived all 1 hour 50 minutes of this show. It was a marathon but for good reason. Star Trek is a big part of our lives, and features some pretty incredible music. Mr. Durling and Lt. Commander Rob Daniels brought a variety of classic soundtracks on vinyl, CD, and cassette. He also had an original DS9 shooting script! Interesting items here. Meanwhile, Captain Kevin brought some books, DVDs and a Hallmark communicator. Commander Kopp had a cool MAD Magazine compilation of Trek sketches from the classic comedy book. Most of my hardcore Trek stuff is packaged away in storage, but I had some cool comics, DVDs, and handmade items that are very special to me.
Bonus: Tim and I dressed in uniform.
Also: Find out which DVD to watch if you wish to hear Shatner or Nimoy (we don’t know specifically whom) let out a fart.
We had an “Ask Harrison” from the Canadian Snow Turtle, and Tee Bone answered a question from MarriedandHeels regarding the Northern Lights. Tee Bone’s eloquent answer could even bring a tear to your eye. You don’t want to miss that.
See you next week for the Karate Kid and Cobra Kai with Dr. Kathryn and Rob Daniels!
GRAB A STACK OF ROCK…with Mike and the Mad Metal Man
Episode 11: Star Trek with Rob, Tim and Kevin
Hailing frequencies open, captain! Tonight Rob Daniels (Visions In Sound), Tim Durling (Tim’s Vinyl Confessions) and Kevin Simister (Canadian Grooves) join Mike and the Mad Metal Man to show off some Star Trek. I have some records, action figures and handmade items! I’m not sure what the other guys have, but we will find out tonight.
Beam in at the locations below and join us for warp speed action.
Friday January 13 at 7:00 P.M. E.S.T. Enjoy on YouTube or on Facebook.
Thank you Marco from the Contrarians for this honour. I really loved doing this interview, and I really appreciate the chance to talk about myself and the things I love the most. I got to tell some of my favourite stories, and plug Grab a Stack of Rock with the Mad Metal Man. I also did a horrific Australian accent. Please enjoy!
And Marco…thanks again, this meant the world to me.
mikeladano.com 