Sunday Chuckle

Sunday Chuckle: I had to pee real bad…

Coming home from TFCon, traffic was typical Toronto congestion.  Stop and go, stop and go.  Change lanes, stop.  Change lanes, go!  I had to pee real bad.

When we got back to my place, Jay stepped out of the truck for a smoke.  Jen came out to visit, and I still really had to pee bad.  I did the easiest thing possible: I snuck behind his truck and took a leak.  There was nobody around who could see me.

But then I heard a woman’s voice, and close by!  I looked to the left, to the right, and back again.  I kept hearing the woman’s voice and couldn’t figure out where she was, so I decided to cut myself off mid-stream.  Nobody likes doing that.  Not the greatest feeling in the world.

I heard the woman’s voice again, and then figured it out.  It was my cell phone.  I had butt-dialed my own voicemail and that was the automated voicemail talking to me.  At least I didn’t get busted peeing outside!

 

 

* The photo above was taken during the summer of 1990 and is just a water balloon!

Sunday Chuckle: Sheeple

Sometimes you see something so absurd you have to take a picture.  This is the Zehrs store at Stanley Park Mall in Kitchener.  (I used to work there in fact.)  At what point do people say, “Gee, there isn’t room for any more carts??”  But no….

 

Sunday Chuckle: Love Gun

Mrs. LeBrain and I have been married nine years, but in many ways we’re still romantic like newlyweds.  The other night we went out together to take out the garbage.  It was beautiful outside.  The sun is up until late now, it was warm and there was a nice breeze.  Neighbors were out, kids playing…it was that sort of night.  I just threw on some pajama pants for the garbage walk.

As we were walking back, I started singing a silly song (it’s the kind of thing I do) and skipping ahead a bit.  I didn’t hear what Jen was saying as she was trying to get my attention.  I just kept singing and skipping.

Then I noticed my weiner was out.  Jen was trying to warn me that my love gun was giving the neighbors a show.  This explained why the one fella looked at me funny.

Sunday Chuckle: Fidget Spinner Fail!

So there’s these two guys at work.  You’ve met Herbert before, a big guy with a big heart that everybody loves.  Then there’s another guy, and for the purposes of this story, we’ll call him “Justin Bieber”.

Herbert recently bought a fidget spinner.  They’re all the rage right now.  Meanwhile, Bieber bought a fidget cube.  These are toys for kids who have attention span issues, and studies show they might help.  But now they are trendy for adults of all types too.

Bieber pulled a prank on Herbert, by disabling his fidget spinner.  He saw a picture on the internet and did this:

Fortunately, Bieber unlocked the spinner before Herbert a) got a bolt cutter, and b) dumped Bieber’s backpack in a toilet.  Happy ending!

Sunday Chuckle: Mystery Texts

Ever get text messages from numbers you can’t identify, but you know you know?  Me too!  Just a couple weeks ago I got “mystery texts” from someone bitching about country radio stations.  It was easy to sort out that it came from Tyler, of Tyler and LeBrain fame.  Bitching about country music is kind of his thing.  But the text message below, I have no idea at all…

Sunday Chuckle: Nuclear Iodine Pills

How things have changed at the cottage in just two years. It is true that Kincardine is not far from Bruce Nuclear. What’s new is the mandatory early warning system (in case of meltdown) and government-issued emergency iodine pills! Welcome to the atomic age.  Cottage essentials used to be beach towels, a few candles if the power went out, and lots of card games.  Now it’s distant early warnings and nuclear iodine pills!