Welcome to the semi-regular feature where I reveal stunningly weird search terms that led people to mikeladano.com For the last installment, Questions & Comments edition, click here. Alright, let’s dive in!
WTF SEARCH TERMS XXI: The Never-ending Search Terms
10. guess who am i (Give me a clue? Are you Leonard Nimoy?)
9. port elgin sucks (Harsh, dude. Harsh.)
8. timmy loved judas priest (That’s great!)
7. kunci gitar white lion till death do your fart (Fart to the death!)
VAN HALEN – Balance (1995 Warner – Japanese version included)
I had no idea what to expect when Van Halen released Balance in 1995. Grunge had come and gone, the landscape vastly altered since Van Halen’s last wax in 1991. Eddie was the king of pyrotechnics, and that kind of playing was not in vogue. How would the band adapt? Well, they didn’t. Balance takes Van Halen into a highly polished, commercial direction. This is “balanced” with heavier grooves and a couple more “serious” lyrics. The result turned out to be one of Van Halen’s most pop outings.
Produced by the late Bruce Fairbairn, Balance borders on over-polished. The sounds are rich, thick and glossy, but miles away from the raw guitar pummeling of the early days, or even the previous For Unlawful Carnal Knowledge. Eddie Van Halen, in a Guitar World interview, said the album was characterized by “better song writing”, but I think what he really meant was “more commercial songwriting”.
The album starts with a different sound for Van Halen: Gregorian chants. Hey, it was the 1990’s and later the same year, Iron Maiden would introduce their X Factor album with similar chants, no shit. The chanting merges into a heavy guitar riff accented by a wall of droning fills. This is “The Seventh Seal”, and Sammy’s voice is in top form. Michael Anthony’s bass rolls and hits the notes at just the right moments. This is truly a great song, completely different from Van Halen of old, but surely a triumph.
The next tune (and second single) however, “Can’t Stop Loving You”, is an embarrassing foray into pop. While Van Halen wrote pop stuff before (“Love Walks In”), this song lacks cojones of any kind. The guitar is really thin, Alex Van Halen cha-cha’s his way through the drum fills, while Sammy sings a lyric that David Lee Roth would have used to wipe his ass.
“Don’t Tell Me (What Love Can Do)” is anything but a love song. Sammy tackles drugs, faith, youth in crisis, and the 1990’s. Hagar has never sounded more foreboding, or mature for that matter. Eddie’s riff is simple, but dark and rhythmic. Michael locks onto the riff, creating this unstoppable wall of groove.
Sammy has an unfortunate habit of being too jokey when it’s inappropriate. Eddie didn’t like the lyrics to “Amsterdam” and you can see why. There is nothing wrong with this mid-tempo rocker with spare Eddie riff, except the lyrics. After the previous song’s warnings about drugs, suddenly Sammy is singing, “Whao, wham bam! Roll an Amsterdam! Stone you like nothing else can.” Granted, two very different drugs (heroin vs. weed) but lyrically “Amsterdam” isn’t winning any awards.
“Big Fat Money” is very old-school boogie ‘Halen in intent; the music could have fit on virtually any of the first six albums. Producer Fairbairn had Eddie playing a fatbody jazz guitar during the solo section (mirroring a trick he pulled with the Scorpions two years previous) but it doesn’t save the song. I’ll give VH a C for trying, but “Big Fat Money” is a C+ at best.
C+
“Strung Out” is a jokey opener to the ballad “Not Enough”. Basically, this is Eddie messing with (and wrecking) a piano from the inside! This was recorded years prior, at Marvin Hamlish’s house in Malibu during the writing sessions for 1984. Van Halen destroyed Hamlish’s white Yamaha piano and had to have it repaired. It was covered with cigarette burns, and Van Halen had attempted to play the piano from the inside, by throwing balls at the strings.
That fades into “Not Enough”, another ballad. Not quite as embarrassing to listen to as “Can’t Stop Loving You”, but not by much. Really, in the year 1995, Van Halen should have stuck to the serious themes, and guitar-based songs. Tunes like this made Van Halen seem completely out of touch with what was happening in the 1990’s. Within months of its release, Shannon Hoon would overdose, Layne Staley locked into a dance of death with smack, and Richey Edwards of the Manic Street Preachers went missing (presumed dead) after suffering long bouts of depression. These were dark times in rock and roll. I just wasn’t feeling “Not Enough” and “Can’t Stop Loving You”, then or now.
Baluchitherium
“Aftershock” is another hard rocker, nothing embarrassing here, good riff, good melody, good song. Won’t make anybody’s desert island Van Halen list, however. A pair of instrumentals follow, an interesting touch seeing as Van Halen didn’t do too many instrumentals post-Dave. “Doin’ Time” is Alex messing around on the drums, which segues straight into “Baluchitherium”. “Baluchitherium” was so named because a baluchitherium was one of the biggest prehistoric land mammals known — and Eddie felt a stomper like this tune needed to be named after one of the biggest baddest animals to ever walk the Earth. Unlike most VH instrumentals, this one just sounds like an unfinished song — an idea without a vocal.
“Take Me Back (Deja Vu)” is a pop song that I don’t mind at all, accented with acoustic guitar. Apparently Eddie had the guitar part in his head for decades, going back to the pre-Van Halen 1970’s, when he was a kid. It’s very laid back, but also very summery and the lyrics are decent.
“Feelin'” is a morose song but with an epic, powerful chorus. It is very different from anything the band had done prior, and hints at the directions to come in the Cherone years — for better or for worse. It’s a good album closer, as I like a dramatic ending from time to time.
If you’re lucky enough to be in Japan, there was one bonus track: this is the groove laden, oddball “Crossing Over”. It’s a song about the afterlife and lyrically it’s probably the best tune of the bunch. The bass part alone on this song was so infectious that in my opinion, it is actually the main hook of the song. I’d consider this the best track on the album myself. The arrangement is fairly unconventional, and the drums tumble and roll against the groove in a cool way. Again, apparently this song dates back to 1983! I think you will not regret tracking this one down. Thankfully it was easier to find on the “Can’t Stop Loving You” single. Notably, the Japanese version of the cover was also toned down.
On the whole, I think the majority of Sammy’s final Van Halen album is not to be ashamed of. I think the songwriting and lyrics were stronger than Unlawful, if only the production had been less geared towards pop and a couple ballads deleted, this might have been the very best thing Van Hagar ever did. However I’m not always the most objective guy. There are Van Halen fans out there who don’t think much of Balance. Some of those fans really, really don’t like Balance. In order to end this review with some “balance”*, I found one and asked for his opinion.
Craig Fee: “I kept re-listening to Balance, doing my best to like it because it was 75% of my favourite band. It turned out to be more disappointing than my illustrious NHL career and my attempts to have a three-way with Rose McGowan and Liz Phair. “Can’t Stop Lovin’ You” is a steaming pile. It still is.”
I don’t have any sort of rebuttal for that.
3.75/5 stars
* Two clear signs of a writer doing a half-assed review: Using the same pun twice, and padding it out with quotes from other people.
VAN HALEN CONSPIRACY THEORY (™)
The band were foreshadowing the firing of Hagar with subtle hints left on the back cover of Balance.
The month of Movember is upon us again, men allowing fur to gather on their upper lips. Some say it is to raise money for testicular cancer research. Some say it is a rite of passage. One way or another, Movember is now intertwined with rock and roll. Long gone faces such as Frank Zappa, John Bonham, and Phil Lynott are remembered fondly. The Guys want us all to remember together.
It’s not the first time. A couple years ago, The Guys brought out the excellent “Man With A Moustache”. It’s a catchy 80’s sounding synthpop-rock tune. It’s hard not to smile at its catchy chorus and wired guitars. It’s irresistible actually. Having sampled their tunage extensively on their website, I can’t say it’s indicative of their sound in general, which varies wildly all over the 1980’s. But you have to be the judge yourself of this talented creative force.
But ya know…The Guys have something new out this Movember. This kind of thing is categorized as a “parody”; I don’t consider it a parody. I consider it a tribute. I consider it a testament to Phil Lynott and moustaches everywhere from coast to coast of this glorious nation and beyond. That song is “The Stache Is Back In Town”. I hope I don’t need to explain this to you, but it’s a cover of “The Boys Are Back In Town” off Jailbreak, by Thin Lizzy.
You can hear it for yourselves, but I think The Guys did a damn fine job of this song. They even call out one of the greatest ‘staches of all television history: Thomas Magnum. That’s right. Thomas Magnus aka Magnum P.I. aka Tom Selleck! Lead vocalist Thomas Love (known to his friends as Marko Fox) explained it to me: “Grooming is essential for success…as a moustache can make anything better. It is not a coincidence that both Thomas Magnum and Jonathan Higgins both had killer staches.”
You can’t argue with that.
I hope “The Stache Is Back In Town” remains a Movember classic for years to come. While I did not participate in Movember this year, you can support the cause here: http://ca.movember.com/ Men’s health is an important issue, but Movember lets us take it a little more lightly. The Guys have the Movember spirit, and I applaud them.
6/5 stars
The Guys: THOMAS LOVE – Vocals, Drums, Percussion & Keys JOHNNY KIKX – Vocals, Guitars & Keys BARRY FUSE – Guitars, Bass, Keys & Vocals RICK DANIELS – Bass, Keys & Vocals
Guess What Just Grew Back Again A Hairy Lip That’s Made To Win Went From Being A 2 To A 10 Just Because It’s Movember
Thomas Magnum Posters On Every Girl’s Wall All You Babyfaced Boys Get Ready To Fall I Hear The Rock That Is Our Party Call So Let The Mo’ Ruckus Begin
THE STACHE IS BACK IN TOWN
Spread The Aftershave Around Turn Up That Hairy Sound
No Shaving Cream To Be Found…
You Know That Chick That Turned You Down A Lot? Every Night She Be Laughing, Blowing You Off But Now Man She Be Staring, She Be Red Hot The Hairy Lip’s Got Her Steaming
The Radio’s Playing Our Favourite Song Called “Man With A Moustache” And It Won’t Be Long Till All The Ladies Will Want Me To Take Them Home They Want To Watch Me Shave It In
Sausagefest is an annual all-dude, all-meat, countdown of rock. Five of us from the old Record Store attended! This year, there were 110 songs (75 countdowns plus 35 “tributes”). #1 was Max Webster — “Toronto Tontos”. Other artists who made the countdown included Iron Maiden, Black Sabbath, Kiss, Queens of the Stone Age, Tool, Rush, and Tenacious D among others. For the history of this event, check out Record Store Tales Part 30.
Thanks to Jeff Woods and Craig Fee for your contributions — above and beyond the call of duty!
And of course, thanks to Tom our host, and Uncle Meat, Seb and Dr. Dave for the music.
Uncle Meat will be providing me with the full track list. Stay tuned for that post, too!
While a certain percentage of readers know me as “LeBrain” on 107.5 Dave FM, my first radio appearance was actually a decade ago. Back in the late 90’s/early 2000’s, we used to get interview requests from a lot of students. Some were in business, some were in broadcasting, but they all wanted to talk to someone at the record store, usually the owner since he founded the whole operation on his own.
In this case, I was approached by a broadcasting student. He asked me if I’d like to do a radio interview over the phone regarding Napster, downloading, and how that was affecting the music business. Normally in the past all interview requests were passed on onto the owner. I thought that I could handle this one myself.
Even though I had serious doubts about the health of physical music sales at the time, I put on the brave face. There were still positive things happening.
“We haven’t noticed a decline in sales,” I said. “At least not a major one. The industry is responding to these concerns. I fully agree that $20 or more is too much to pay for a CD. I can tell you that if anybody is getting rich off the price of CDs, it’s not independent chains like ourselves. The markup we make on new CDs covers the shipping of the product to us and our overhead, and that’s about it.
“As I said though, the industry is responding. They’re putting bonuses inside the CD that you can’t get by downloading it off Napster,” I continued. “You’ll notice lots of bands, System of a Down for example, putting bonus DVDs or CD-ROMs in the package for virtually the same price.” Metallica too. Lars has obviously learned something from all this: Inside the then-new Metallica CD you got a free full length DVD plus a free concert to download on mp3.
I wasn’t optimistic about the future of physical CD sales, but I didn’t let on. I’d heard the buzz from customers and even staff members, downloading more and more, where they used to hunt for songs in brick-and-mortar stores. Some staff members of a certain generation refused to download on principle, but we were a shrinking group.
“Since I sell used discs,” I continued, spinning it positive, “a lot of the downloaders are selling off their collections to me. For us it’s turning into a winning situation since I have more, and better, stock than 5 years ago.”
The interview aired a day or two later. As it happens my boss happened to hear the interview and liked it. Although it might not seem like a big deal to all readers, I was just proud of myself for taking the initiative and doing it myself. He was surprised to hear the interview, since I hadn’t told him about it. I was confident in my experience and communication abilities, and I wanted the opportunity.
It wasn’t the last. The next one was a TV interview, for the local cable access channel. I don’t know if my boss ever saw that one, but he wouldn’t have liked it as much – all my facial piercings were visible! The idea of a dude with a labret stud and nose ring representing his store on TV might have been too much for him to handle!
ALICE IN CHAINS – The Devil Put Dinosaurs Here (2013 Capitol Records)
You know how in offices they have those phones with the little speaker in them, that plays the local radio station? That’s how I first heard “Hollow” by Alice in Chains. Not the greatest way to hear it. I couldn’t hear the harmonies or the bass guitar. The song came off as a dull drone and I didn’t like it. However Mandy Grant on 107.5 Dave FM said the album was lined up to be her album of the summer. Then Tricky Nick gave it 5/5 and praised its genius!
Now it’s my turn to throw my hat in the ring. I had no problem with Black Gives Way to Blue; yes it’s a sad album and we know why. If anything I found some of the songs to be not memorable. On the other hand, I found some of the softer material to be among Chains’ best. Here, William DuVall does a great job. I don’t get the sense that he’s trying to sound a certain way, but when he sings with Jerry it’s Alice in Chains.
Onto The Devil Put Dinosaurs Here. Love the title, love the artwork, love the packaging, but we’ll get to that in a few moments. It’s an album that reveals more and more as you listen to it. It’s really well produced for one. Sonically, this is the best album Alice in Chains have ever made. But musically, it peels like an onion: brief guitar interludes, dual guitar harmonies, bass hooks, vocal flare, all of this stuff and more comes through when you spend some time with it.
I think I’d like to invent a new genre here and declare this record to be “Progressive Grunge Rock”. It has elements of both, which really isn’t too much of a leap as Chains have always comprised some great musicians. Mike Inez was one of my favourite bass players from his Ozzy days, and Sean Kinney is very creative with his symbol work and weird time signatures. Only 2 of the 12 songs are under 5 minutes; the album clocks in well over an hour. Unbelievably, it doesn’t drag. This is accomplished with a combination of well written memorable hooks, and a variety of song styles. Some moments recall mellow things like Jar of Flies, others the “Dog” album. There’s also a lot of riffing and soloing that is pure traditional heavy metal.
Many reviewers have mentioned that this album seems a lot brighter than Black Give Way to Blue and I’m in agreement with that. Keep in mind this is Alice in Chains and they’re not turning in a sunny-happy-joy-joy album at any time. There is however a certain jubilant quality to this album that is quite infectious.
I keep waffling between favourite songs. All of these are contenders:
“Stone”
“Voices”
“The Devil Put Dinosaurs Here”
“Breath On a Window”
“Scalpel”
“Phantom Limb”
“Choke”
There aren’t any weak songs, but for me those 7 are all really exceptional. I really love “Phanton Limb”. It’s one of the most “metal” in some respects but it’s also one of the most unique. Its riff is just mechanically punishing. “Voices” is like Jar of Flies meets Cheap Trick or something.
The packaging is really cool but fragile. Mine arrived with a slight crack on it. It’s a coloured red jewel case, but with a function. Remember how G1 Transformers used to come with those “Tech Spec Decoders”? You had to use this red plastic “decoder” to read the stats on the robot’s packaging. You could still sorta read it without the decoder, but Alice in Chains took it a step further. You can only read the lyrics by inserting the appropriate page into the jewel case. There are big red XXXXX‘s over most of the words making them very difficult to read. When you put the page under the jewel case, it’s easy!
Having lived with the album for a week now, I concur with Mandy: I think the love will grow, and this will be one of my albums for the summer, too. The most important thing about The Devil Put Dinosaurs Here is that it sounds like Alice in Chains. There is nobody else out there that sounds like this.
ZZ TOP – La Futura (2012 Best Buy edition, 2 bonus tracks, American Recordings)
Unfortunately I didn’t get this album until January of 2013. As such, it didn’t make my Top Five of 2012 list. If I had got it sooner, would it have made the list? Probably. It did make lots of lists. It made Every Record’s top 10 of 2012.
I love this album. I’ve played it every day since I got it! From mournful ZZ blues (“Over You”) to skunky funky ZZ blues (“I Gotsta Get Paid”) to trademark anthemic ZZ rock (“Flyin’ High”), this album has pretty much everything I love from ZZ Top!
I first heard the single, the aforementioned “I Gotsta Get Paid” (a rewrite of a rap song called “25 Lighters” by somebody named DJ DMD) on the Mandy Grant Show, on 107.5 Dave FM. I fell for it immediately, but I was wary of buying the album at first. After all, most ZZ discs since Eliminator and even Afterburner didn’t do too much for me, even though they all have tunes worth putting on a road tape. Maybe the difference is that, on La Futura, ZZ Top are working with Rick Rubin? Or maybe it’s that they haven’t recorded a studio album in almost a decade? I don’t know, except to say that ZZ Top absolutely nail it on La Futura.
The overall sound is both slick and dirty at once, a balance that they haven’t always hit in the past. Frank Beard’s drums sound absolutely perfect, the way you want a real drum kit to sound, no goofy samples here! Of course, the Reverend Billy F. Gibbons’ guitars are always greasy goodness, and full of dirty soul. What sets this album apart is a rediscovered ability to write memorable, catchy blues rock songs. “I Don’t Wanna Lose, Lose, You” is a perfect example of the kind of rock tune that ZZ Top are known for, groovy and instantly memorable. “Chartreuse” and “Consumption” are the same, just awesomely great Top tunes as memorable as some of their best from the days of yore. “It’s Too Easy Mañana” is a perfectly bluesy mess of guitars, bass and drums, while “Big Shiny Nine” is another trademark upbeat Top rocker.
My favourite song, that I keep coming back to, and can’t get out of my head, is “Flyin’ High”. It’s just an awesome song, melodic as hell, and worthy of single status. That’s my pick for second single right there. What a riff, what a song! Back in ’83, this would have been a smash hit.
I shelled out for the US Best Buy edition, which has two bonus tracks. Shipping and taxes all-in, I paid $35 for “Threshold of a Breakdown” and “Drive By Lover”. Both are great tunes, but it’s especially worth having “Drive By Lover” because it’s the only song on which bassist Dusty Hill takes the lead vocal. I’ve always been a fan of bands that have two lead singers, and I’ve always liked Dusty’s voice.
My only beef is the packaging. What you see is what you get: A simple cardboard case, no booklet. You get liner notes but no lyrics or anything else particularly special for buying a physical edition. Too bad.
4.5/5 stars
Note: The first four tracks were previous released on the iTunes only Texicali EP. But if you prefer physical product, like I do, this is a no-brainer way to go!
The discussion came up during Thanksgiving. I had the laptop up at the cottage, and the whole family listening to the 80’s Weekend on our favorite rock station, 107.5 Dave FM. As part of it, they played “Time Stand Still” by Rush.
I asked my sister Kathryn, “Is this your favourite Rush of the 80’s?”
“No,” came the answer. “I prefer ‘The Pass'”.
So that got me thinkin’. Yeah, “The Pass” was an awesome song! Sure it’s not “YYZ” or “Subdivisions” or one of those better known 80’s anthems, but it stands up. I enjoyed the production, with the emphasis on Geddy’s bass as the main hook. I always preferred this song to the first single from Presto, “Show Don’t Tell”. I was disappointed that “The Pass” was not one of the Rush singles chosen to be on their compilation, Chronicles. “The Pass” is well crafted song, lyrically relevant, emotional yet tough.
mikeladano.com 