Record Store Tales

Part 265: A Nightmare On Cocknuckles Street Redux: Special Edition

NIGHTMARE 7

RECORD STORE TALES Part 265:
A Nightmare On Cocknuckles Street Redux: Special Edition

A while ago, I presented a story called Part 104: A Nightmare on Cocknuckles Street.  I was telling it from memory, a tale of a customer phone call gone awry!  I re-told it the best I could, thinking that my original record store journal from that day had been lost.

I was wrong.  I found it.  I present to you the original journal from the actual day of events!  Buckle up. [Street names changed for this blog.]

Date: 2005/12/10 20:36

So here is a story.

I come in after going out to get a soda and a candy bar, I still have my coat on when the phone rings. Kyle’s with a customer so I grab it. A dude is on the other end.

Him: Hey buddy, I ordered some CDs last Saturday and I haven’t heard anything so I wonder if they’re in.

Me: Sure, I’ll check for you, one second OK? (puts down phone removes coat.) Thanks for waiting. We’re up-to-date on calling the special orders but I’ll check for you. What was the CD?

Him: It was the new Josh Groban.

Me: (Checking in the computer, I knew already there was no Josh Groban. So I checked to see if anybody had ordered one, and nobody had.) …Actually…we don’t have any record of anybody ordering a Josh Groban.

Him: Well what the hell! (Wife yelling in background) (To wife: He says they ain’t got no record of it! They lost it!) Well how could that happen?

Me: I’m not sure exactly…let me check another one. What others did you order?

Him: There was a Motley Crue.

Me: (Pretty sure of what I would find) Hmmm, I have nobody ordering one of those, either.

Him: Well that’s fucked up. (Wife yelling in background) (To me:) Did you hear that?

Me: No, not really.

Him: Be glad you didn’t.

Me: OK, understood.

Him: Now how hell did this happen? I handed the guy a piece of paper and he said he would order them for me! He said they would be here in seven days. So what the hell happened?

Me: To be honest, I don’t know, now is it possible you were at a different store?

Him: It was your store. You telling me you fucked up?

Me: I don’t know for sure but it is possible. Let me…

Him: Well aren’t you a bunch of geniuses down there.

Me: You ordered them to the [Record Store], [Cocknuckles Street] location?

Him: It was your store, on [Dicklock Street]!

Me: You just called [Cocknuckles Street].

Him: What is that?

Me: This isn’t [Dicklock Street] that you called, this is the [Cocknuckles Street] location.

Him: Well I didn’t know there was more than one! This is the number in the book! Why the hell isn’t [Dicklock Street] in the book, you tell me that!

Me: Dunno man. They messed that up I guess. [555-5555]. There ya go.

Him: [55]-What?

Me: [555-5555]. Bye.

NIGHTMARE 4

Part 264: Garbage Removal Machine / REVIEW: Motley Crue – Lewd, Crued & Tattooed – Live

 

RECORD STORE TALES Part 264:  Garbage Removal Machine

The year was 2004.  I had always been an active on various “social media” but back then the place to be was called IAM.  Iam.bmezine was the full name, but it was where I spent most of my time, and where some of the journals that appear here today originated.

I had joined an IAM book exchange group and specified that I was interested in collecting Stephen King.  Someone sent me The Stand and I was hooked, so I wanted to get more into the mythos.  This girl from Thunder Bay, Ontario sent me a few more as well.  A little bit later, she moved to Waterloo for school.  We met at William’s coffee pub to exchange some more stuff.  She was wearing a Motley Crue – Girls, Girls, Girls T-shirt.

One thing led to another and we ended up going out.  She came over to my place and we watched a couple rock movies.  She was into all things “retro”, so I decided to give her all my old cassettes.  Everything that was duplicated on CD, I gave to her.  All my Iron Maiden, all my Judas Priest, Motley Crue, Van Halen…everything that I had on disc.  She gladly took them, and I gladly took back my storage closet.

In return, she gave me her copy of Motley Crue’s DVD Lewd, Crued & Tattooed – Live.  “It sucks,” she said.  “Vince Neil sucks now.  I was so disappointed.”  I didn’t have the DVD, and it wasn’t especially high on my radar because yes, the Crue had been sucking as of late.  However the presence of Samantha Maloney on drums (filling in for the terminally ill Randy Castillo) meant that it was the kind of one-off that I enjoy owning.

One of the better performances

A couple of weeks went by with Thunder Bay Girl, but my guard was up; my spider senses were tingling.  I felt like she was obsessing a bit.  A bit later she told me that the reason she sent me the Stephen King books in the first place was just to contact me; she went out to a used bookstore, bought a couple Kings and sent them to me.  I know, not exactly So I Married An Axe Murderer behaviour, but there were other factors that made me start to feel uncomfortable.  When she asked me what I wanted for my birthday that year, I decided to pull the plug before it got too far.

I did the manly thing, and dumped her by email.  I know, I know.  All I can say in my defense is that I was right.  My spider senses detected something alright.  Although it didn’t happen immediately, she eventually exploded like a powder keg.  We chose to “remain friends” (not a good idea) but friendship soon turned to a hateful obsession.  She exploded on me one day — something about a ferret?  Eventually she moved back to Thunder Bay, and I never heard from her again.  I like to think that she took my tapes with her, and dumped them in a Thunder Bay landfill out of pure spite.  Although I wish I had kept some of those cassettes, I’ve decided to maintain a safe distance from Thunder Bay at all times.  It’s the only way to be sure.

MOTLEY SUCK_0001MOTLEY CRUE – Lewd, Crued & Tattooed – Live (2001 Motley Records DVD)

Here’s Uncle LeBrain with a dose of reality: This DVD sucks. Truly. It sucks. The New Tattoo album wasn’t great to start with, but this is awful. The awfulness can be boiled down to one factor: Vince Neil, the laziest singer in rock. Here, a breathless Neil does his thing: lets the crowd sing half the song, skips every other word, and weasels his way out of the tough notes.  Set-list wise, this relies heavily on the Motley hits with very little deviation. Which is good, can Vince even remember the lyrics to obscure tunes?

So embarrassing is Vince Neil’s performance on this DVD that I have only managed to watch the whole thing twice.  The main reason to own it is Samantha Maloney. Diehard Crue-heads will remember that drummer Randy Castillo had replaced Tommy Lee, but himself had to sit out the tour due to the cancer that eventually killed him. Ex-Hole drummer Samantha Maloney, the first and only girl to be in The Crue, took his place and did admirably well.  It all came to an end when she hooked up with Nikki Sixx.  You knew these guys just could not be in a band with a girl.

A second reason for me to keep this in my collection is “Nobody Knows What It’s Like To Be Lonely”.  This is an audio-only track, and also the first-ever official release of one of the earliest Motley songs.  To date, the only official release.  It was recorded in May 1981 at the same session that yielded Motley’s first single “Toast of the Town” / “Stick To Your Guns”.  I believe the song used to be known as “I Got the Power” and was written by Nikki Sixx for his old band, London.  It does piss me off that this audio track is only on a DVD, not a CD, but I’m sure those more tech-savvy than me can rip it to an mp3 file.

2/5 stars

Part 263: METALLICA’s Fan Can #4 (Video blog)

RECORD STORE TALES Part 263:  Metallica’s FAN CAN #4

Less a story, more a show-and-tell.  I purchased this rare Metallica Fan Can via a staff member of mine.  Her name was Wraychel, and she had a Metallica Club membership.  When she told me that year’s Fan Can (#4) was available for pre-order, I asked her to get it for  me.  The Fan Cans were legendary!  I can’t remember what I paid.  It was a lot.

Don’t mind the dust, but enjoy the video.

Part 262: By Your Side

A sequel to Part 260: Sho’ Nuff – The Return of STATHAM

RECORD STORE TALES Part 262:  By Your Side

1999 was shaping up to be an exciting year.  The Black Crowes’ most recent disc, Three Snakes & One Charm, wasn’t bad but it didn’t excite me.  Rolling Stone magazine made negative comments about Chris Robinson’s beard as if the beard wrote the songs.  The rumour mill was going full speed, that the Crowes had returned to their “earlier” sound.  The new album, By Your Side, would be more like Shake Your Money Maker, and less like a bunch of bearded hippies jamming after a toke.  I know today the Crowes had recorded an album called Band (now available as CD 2 of The Lost Crowes), but it was rejected by American Recordings who wanted the band to make a basic rock n’ roll album, so they shaved off their beards and that’s what they did.

OK, sure, whatever – I was on board.  I don’t mind some changes to shake things up.  I don’t necessarily always endorse a full-on “return” to a sound, because you can’t really duplicate a specific era.  But this was the Crowes, a band who injected integrity into everything they’d done so far.

The first single released, “Kickin’ My Heart Around” was a frickin’ steamroller of a rock song.  It was released in November 1998, about two months before By Your Side was to come out.  It created a real buzz.  I was hearing excitement in the store from a lot of Crowes fans.  Naturally, the new Crowes album would be a subject for Statham and I to discuss, and discuss it we did.  Statham knew then that I collected Crowes B-sides, and “Kickin’ My Heart Around” had two that weren’t going to be on the album.

I’m not too sure about Chris’ Prince Valiant haircut

In late December, Statham strolled into my store with a surprise.  He had picked up for me my own copy of “Kickin’ My Heart Around” since I had been unable to locate one!  Best of all, it was a Christmas gift – the first gift that I was given by a customer at the record store that I can recall.  I was quite blown away.  I didn’t ask Statham to get the CD for me, and I certainly didn’t expect a gift from a customer!  But then again, as he has said in the past, he believes in treating his record store guys right.  That’s something I’ll never forget.

The two B-sides “It Must Be Over” and “You Don’t Have To Go” were both quality tunes on top of it all.  I was thrilled.  I brought the CD home and showed it to my dad.

“Get this, dad!” I began.  “One of my customers bought me this CD that I have been looking for!  It’s an early Christmas present!  Cool, huh?”

My dad, being the “negative Nancy” that he can be sometimes said, “I don’t think it’s a good idea for you to accept gifts from customers. What does he expect in return?”

“I don’t think he expects anything in return, dad.  It was just a thoughtful gift.  He’s a nice guy.”

“Well just be careful,” my dad cautioned.  “In my experience nothing’s free!”

I’m glad to say in this case, my dad was wrong.  Statham had no secret agenda, beyond friendship, and we’re still friends 15 years after that. If anything we’ve taken gifting music to each other to an extreme that we both enjoy.  The mutual benefits have been incalculable!  Thank you Statham for this CD, which I still treasure today.

Part 261: Something In Your Mouth

CHAD SUX

RECORD STORE TALES Part 261:  Something In Your Mouth

From the pet peeve department, here’s a journal from the Record Store.

9/12/05

I have a BIG pet peeve with people (strangers in particular) who talk while eating.  If you’re eating dinner at home with your family, that’s one thing.  The rules of your home are the rules of your home, and I respect that.  But this guy was right in front of me, in the store, mowing down a Timmy’s [Tim Horton’s] bagel.  He had cream cheese all over his lips, and he wasn’t really dressed like he was a slob.  He ate the whole thing right there, while talking to me at the counter.  Just really hungry I assume?

Eww.  On that note, here’s Nickelback.

Part 260: GUEST SHOT! Sho’ Nuff – The Return of STATHAM

Good things come to those who wait.  Longtime contributor STATHAM has returned to talk about shoppin’ for Black Crowes.  He’s in italics, me in burgundy.  (That makes him Snake Eyes while I remain the Crimson Guard.)  Let’s boogie!

RECORD STORE TALES Part 260:  Sho’ Nuff – The Return of Statham

I believe in being friendly to record store employees. A lot of people just treat them like any other retail clerk, but not me. Talk to them, find out common ground. They learn your interests, make recommendations… it’s a way better world than just treating them like a gas jockey. And there’s no reason why you can’t be nice to the people at the gas station, either, you know.

I started going to Mike’s shop sometime in 1995. And I left to go live in Montreal in 1999. In those four years I was in that shop a lot. I like music, and it was basically across the street from where I lived. My favourite was the Bargain Bin. Always a treasure or three in there. And Mike always seemed to be there. Rare was the trip in that he wasn’t on duty. I think he slept in the back room.

True to my practice, I talked to the guy, we discovered a lot of common ground. He was most fair on CDs I was trading in. He steered me to many great records (and laughed with [or at] me when I chose some stinkers). We never hung out outside the store, though there’s no reason why not. But over that time I got to know him as a stand-up guy.

IMG_00001779In late 1998, The Black Crowes were gearing up for what was hyped to be a “comeback”; a “return to their classic sounds.” The fact that Chris Robinson had shaved off his cave-beard was supposed to indicate something to fans that fell off the wagon after 1994’s Amorica. Part of this calculated campaign including reissuing all four original Black Crowes studio albums, remastered, with bonus tracks and videos.

Statham kept me apprised of the latest Crowes happenings. He had his finger on the pulse, and during his regular visits he would update me. We discussed the band, the reissues, what we hoped for, and as always we disagreed over favourite albums. I’m an Amorica guy.  He’s a Southern guy.

One day, Statham phoned me at the store with some exciting news.

IMG_00001780Somewhere in 1998, my sister (who took my introduction of her to the Black Crowes and ran with it something fierce) told me the Crowes had announced a box set, called Sho’ Nuff. This was exciting for many reasons, mainly the extra tracks that were rare (at that point), two on each album, and the live EP to be included. We already owned the four albums in the box, and couldn’t care less about any remastering job done to them.

Also remember, this was in the days when the internet existed, but it was nowhere near what it is now. We certainly never ordered CDs online. It was pure brick and mortar for us. Seemed this set was (purportedly) some kind of exclusive release. We HAD to have it.

IMG_00001784He’s right, the box set was an American exclusive — no Canadian release. However, the big HMV in Toronto was going to be importing a limited quantity. The live EP included within was from the Amorica tour which put it high on my priority list, and it was also exclusive to the box set. It is simply titled The Black Crowes Live.

I told Mike about the set, and how we were going to Toronto to get them ASAP. I’d called ahead to the HMV at 333 Yonge and they said they might still have a couple on hand. We panicked. “A couple?” Gah! We need to get these! Our course was set. I asked Mike, did he want us to bring one back for him? I don’t think his reply was precisely “hell yes!” but the level of enthusiasm was in that ballpark.

Even today I can recall the tingle of anticipation, the trip there taking too long. We got downtown, made the trek to the flagship HMV and… the staff didn’t know where the sets were. Computer said there should be some on-hand, they’d have to look… finally they were found in some corner, nowhere near anywhere that one would think (like, near the Crowes section, or in a Boxed Sets section. No, that would’ve been too easy). And there were enough for each of us (and not many more). Hooray!

Box sets procurred, we made the most of the rest of our day, and headed home. I brought Mike his copy on my next trip in to the store. He seemed pretty damn happy about it. I wouldn’t do something like that for everyone I meet, probably, but Mike was another story and it was a pleasure to help out. He’d helped me out with a lot, in the store. It was good to return the favour, in some small way.

I wouldn’t be lying if I said whenever I listen to that Black Crowes set, it always reminds me of all the great conversations with Statham. Some obscure memory always flashes back, be it a conversation or a long meandering email thread.

I still have the box set (of course), everything intact including the four stickers (one included in each studio CD) and the fragile blue jewel case for Three Snakes and One Charm. I’m not sure how I would have acquired (or even known about) Sho’ Nuff without Statham. Thanks man. I still owe you for this one! (Figuratively, I did pay him!)

Part 259: New Release Twos-days

A sequel to Part 97:  New Release Tuesdays.

Part 259:  New Release Twos-days

New releases were almost always Tuesdays.   There are only so many Tuesdays in a year, and many music stars avoid releasing their albums on the same day as a rival’s.  Others like to go head to head, or try to beat other artists to the punch by releasing their albums early.  Record labels plan release strategies around these Tuesdays like generals going to war.  Advertising blitzes are ordered, interview campaigns co-ordinated, and personnel rallied.

Most often, bands didn’t want to compete with rival bands over limited consumer dollars.  On June 14, 2005, the three big releases we stocked that day weren’t fighting over the same customers.  Foo Fighters’ In Your Honor was the album I had been waiting for, but my good buddy Dan Slessor from Kerrang! magazine sent me a UK copy with the bonus track “The Sign” so I was going to keep waiting until  it arrived.  In Your Honor and its single “Best Of You” remain highlights of the Foo œuvre.  I expected steady sales.

On the same day, the Backstreet Boys returned from a lengthy hiatus.  Extending that hiatus was the release date of their comeback CD Never Gone (ha ha) which was pushed back almost a year.  I didn’t expect much mileage out of this album.  Then in the rap section, we had Fat Joe.  All Or Nothing was the name of his album.  Rap was usually a quiet but reliable seller.  Although some rap albums were sluggish and often died quickly, if you ordered in conservative quantities we could usually do well with rap.  You just had to know when to drop the title before people stopped buying it.  This is the kind of argument I would get into with our Head Office people all the time.  Sometimes they were right, sometimes they were wrong and I was right.  However I felt that they often used my well-known love of Heavy Metal music against my arguments, any time I was in favour of dropping a rap or dance title.  “You just want to get rid of it because you don’t like it,” they would say.  There’s just nothing you can say when somebody has that set in their minds already.

Anyway, on this Tuesday I proved to be wrong about first-day sales predictions.  I dug up my journal from that day.  And the winner is…

A tie!

Date: 2005/06/14 17:35

I have sold just as many Backstreet Boys as Foo Fighters today.

But nobody bought Fat Joe.

For the record, I’m also the one who predicted that Nick Carter’s solo album would outsell Justin Timberlake’s.  It really didn’t turn out at all like that!

Part 258: Uncle Meat

Uncle Meat is former co-worker, now friend. He worked at one of the other record store locations for about a year. Back in Part 78, he told his side of the story, but I thought I should return the love.

MEAT

RECORD STORE TALES Part 258:  Uncle Meat

My first encounter with the man known as Uncle Meat (his parents still call him Eric) happened in 1987.  I didn’t meet Meat in 1987; I met Meat officially in the 1990’s when he was hired at one of our stores.  As we chatted about people we both knew, we pieced it together:  Both of us were friends with a talented local singer/songwriter named Rob Szabo.   Way back in the 80’s, Rob was in a band then called Under 550, and they won the Battle of the Bands at Grand River Collegiate Institute in ’87.  I remember they knocked out a version of Rush’s “YYZ”.  They were sent to the next round, to battle it out regionally at the Center In the Square.

They added a lead vocalist for the big competition, and temporarily changed their name to Over 550.  550 lbs was the total combined body weight of the band.  They were just under 550 lbs, until they added the singer.  Get it?  They were up against a neighbor of ours, George, who was playing bass in a band called Zephyr.  Also in the running were such luminaries as Stomach Acid, and F.U.H.Q.

It was when discussing this gig that Uncle Meat and I realized we were both in the same place at the same time — except he was on the stage and I was in the crowd!  I have a distinct memory of watching a very heavy thrash metal band.  They were just too heavy for most in attendance, but they had chops and a good singer.  That singer was Meat.  One thing I’ll never forget about his set is this:  a whole row of long-hairs ran down in front of the stage during the first song, and banged their heads through it all.  When Meat had played his two songs, they went back to their seats.  I’d never seen anything like it before, at that tender age of 15.


Spring 1991 – Uncle Meat singing “Fairies Wear Boots” with Heavy Cutting

Many years later, I worked a shift at the store with Uncle Meat, and that was our first “official” meeting.  I remember that it was a pre-Christmas shift, and I was helping out another store.  It was the two of us and Meat’s arch-nemesis, a girl who did not get along with him at all.  (The story of why was recounted in Top Five Discs That Got Us In Shit.)  It was a fun shift, busy as hell, and I remember stopping at an HMV store on my way home and picking up a Savatage CD (their then-latest, Wake Of Magellan).

Here I am, almost three decades later, remembering that night in ’87 like it was yesterday.  I could tell you details like what jacket I was wearing (a dark blue leather one).  I could tell you who I went with: Bob, Scott, and Todd Meyer.  I couldn’t tell you who won anymore, but I do know this:  It was fate.  It was fate that Meat and I should meet.  When we work together on a project, it’s peanut butter and jam.  Thanks for friendship Uncle Meat, and thanks for contributing so much to mikeladano.com.


Same night, same gig: Szabo on axe shreds some Judas Priest.
Listen to that fucking singer!

Part 257: Sexy Beast

RECORD STORE TALES Part 257:  Sexy Beast
Or: should a cockney accent be mistaken for a foreign language?

This guy, “Big Daddy Dave,” came into the store to return a movie he bought.  That DVD was Sexy Beast, starring Ben Kingsley and Ray Winstone. Great movie, British mobster flick. If you’ve seen it (and I recommend that you do) then you know the accents are quite thick — but also that the movie is still in English.  In fact I recommended the movie to Big Daddy Dave and was surprised to see him return with it in hand.

He walked up to the counter and said, “Yeah, I want a movie that’s in English.” So I explained to him that Sexy Beast was in English. Ray Winstone and Ben Kingsley are, in fact, both English. “That movie was in English? But I couldn’t understand a damned word they said!”

As my mother-in-law says, “You can’t fix stupid”.

BEAST

Part 256: A Case of the Mondays

IMG_00001660_edit

RECORD STORE TALES Part 256:  A Case of the Mondays

Towards the end of my record store years, 2005 to the start of 2006, the mere thought of waking up in the morning of a Monday was enough to make me feel physically ill. The feelings of dread usually began settling in on Sunday evening. By Monday morning I was not feeling well at all.  I was used to being beaten down by unpleasant customers, unpredictable superiors,  and long hours with not enough time off. I was sick and tired of being used, but I was also sick.  I began to hate the mere sight of a CD, and certain songs played in store became so annoying that they haunted me at night.  I stopped enjoying music.

I remember waking up one Monday morning and thinking to myself, “I wonder what would happen if I quit my job today.” I had a home and a mortgage, but finding a new job had proved difficult. My skill set was expansive, and my time at the record store had demonstrated my loyalty.  Most jobs I was applying for were not interested in somebody with only retail experience. It didn’t matter that I was a manager, so I went from interview to interview without luck. The steady rejection impacted my emotional state in a negative way.

I called my dad, who I could always count on for good advice.

“Hey dad,” I began. “I have kind of a weird question for you. What would you say if I told you I wanted to go to work and quit my job today?”

“I would say that is not a very good idea,” he responded with seriousness. “You have a mortgage, and I’m sure you know it’s easier to find a new job when you’re already employed. Finding a good job while out of work is easier said than done. I would strongly advise that you don’t quit anything until you have something else to fall back on.”

Not the answer I wanted to hear, but I knew he was right. What I didn’t tell my dad (and what he didn’t know until he started reading these Record Store Tales) is just how miserable I was. I had become a complete basket case.  He tells me now that he regrets the advice that he gave me that Monday morning. If he had known what I was going through he would have given me very different advice.

I thanked him for his words of wisdom and hung up the phone. I got dressed and ready for work. Breakfast was out of the question. My stomach was too wound up to handle eating. At the end of the record store days, I was generally only eating one or two meals a day. I didn’t really put together how that was affecting my mental and physical energy levels.

I used to listen to the same CD in the car on the way to work in the mornings: Dance of Death by Iron Maiden. I’d get in, put on the album, and then try to take as long as possible to get to work. Red lights meant more Maiden. Then as I’d pull into the store, I’d check out the parking lot and see if any of the bosses had arrived yet. You could never guess their temperament any day, so all I could do was pray they all had nice weekends. If they were in a good mood, they’d leave me more or less alone. If not, you could cut the tension with a knife.

I hated the tense Monday mornings.

Once I entered and hung up my coat, I’d do a walk around. I’d check to see how sales were on the weekend, what messes were left for me to clean up, and what problems had come up. I’d also rush to do a quick cleaning. Any glass surfaces with fingerprints had to be wiped clean before any bosses spotted them. They had a habit of bitching about anything they saw before I did. Other store managers didn’t have to deal with the stress of having “head office” in the back of their stores, but I did.

These taut Mondays were often long and enervating. I’d open the store at 10am and wait for the first customer. Usually they were people selling scratched up CDs for cigarette money. The day would drag on, and Mondays meant getting home later than usual, since Monday was also Stock Transfer Day! Even though I was “off” duty, none of us were ever really off duty. The phone, after all, could ring any time.

I suffered in silence. I didn’t want to stress out my parents, so that one phone call to my dad was all they knew. It was a dark time, but it is always darkest before the dawn.  I survived.  I am here with Record Store Tales to prove it.