thunder Bay

WTF SEARCH TERMS: Lars Ulrich Trout (Thunder Bay) edition

WTF SEARCH TERMS XL: Lars Ulrich Trout (Thunder Bay) edition

It’s that time again…the 40th time in fact!  It’s those “WTF” search terms that somehow brought people to this site.  Let’s skip the chatter and get to the weird.

  • lars ulrich trout warrant thunder bay ontario

I had to ask Thunder Bay’s hardest rocker, Deke Dekerson, if he could possible explain this one.  He had no idea.  Warrant did open for Metallica in 1990, and our own Uncle Meat has written about it.  There were no dates in Thunder Bay, and I don’t want to know what Lars was doing with a trout.

  • gene simmons vault is stupid

Well, I don’t know about that!  He’s having no problem selling it.  The only thing “stupid” about Vault is that there is no pricing affordable to regular people.

This is a great question!

  • ten game0f galishow

Nooo idea.

  • styx equinox bakelit lemez

You lost me.

  • give me any diolock

I’m not giving you squat!  I think this guy was looking for Lock up the Wolves by Dio?  He could also have been searching for “dicklock“.

  • coverdale page 4cd tour edition box set

Definitely in the “wishful thinking” category.  There wasn’t really such thing as “tour editions” back in 1993, and sadly all you can get to this day is the standard single CD of Coverdale-Page.

  • the swedish penis enlargement pump and me (this definitely is my thing, baby)” by austin d. powers

I admire the amount of effort this person went to, to be as specific as possible.

  • liam payne chenine lozano midnight memories def leppard copyright infringement

I tuned out after reading “Liam Payne”.  The fuck does he have to do with Def Leppard?  I don’t care enough to look.

  • how to work in a record store

You came to the right place, friend!  The one and only and original Record Store Tales can be found right here!

 

 

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#616: None of My Exes Live in Texas (But One Lives in Thunder Bay)

GETTING MORE TALE #616:
None of My Exes Live in Texas (But One Lives in Thunder Bay)

“You’re going to meet a lot of girls here.”  The Boss, at The Record Store, summer 1994.

Here’s the sad fact of the matter.  Even though it was promised to me like some kind of perk, I didn’t meet any girls at the Record Store.*  That perk was as non-existent as 15 minute breaks.

Here’s another sad fact.  I was absolutely pathetic at talking to girls.  It’s too embarrassing to think about, but if I ever do psychiatric regression to recall all those painful memories, you could write a pretty hilarious comedy movie about my exploits back then.  The working title would be The 20 Year Old Virgin.  It would be something along the lines of Swingers but with a nerd as the lead character.  A heavy metal sci-fi geek.

I just needed the times to catch up to me.  When the internet became popular, the nerds became the kings.  I was always better at talking when I have a chance to write and think about words.  Email was perfect.  Otherwise I used to get flustered and just flat-out say stupid things, usually trying to be funny.  I began online dating in 2000.  Trevor was always willing and able to help me out with advice, but regardless, the first couple years of online dating were epically awful.  I can distinctly remember a Christmas card that Trevor gave me.  It had a timeline illustrating the 13 “Crazy Exes” I’d accumulated so far.

“Hey, that one wasn’t crazy,” I protested as I pointed to one near the middle.

I can’t remember all the names.  The detail I remember most is what city they lived in.

First was Waterloo, then came Hamilton #1.  She was nice, Hamilton #1.  She was originally from Prince Edward Island, and her cousin was Paul MacAusland of the rock band Haywire.  I saw Haywire open for Helix in 1987.  My first date with Hamilton #1 was actually record shopping.  I bought two Devin Townsend Japanese imports.  She got Paul McCartney’s double Tripping the Live Fantastic.  She wasn’t the problem though, Hamilton was.  I got severely lost on my way home and had (what I now know was) a panic attack.

Hamilton #2 came a bit later that year.  She was better with directions, at least, so I didn’t get lost.  She was into music too, but not anything particularly good.  She liked…Britney.  I’ll admit my interest in her was more physical than otherwise, but we did have an incredible first date.  I remember telling Trevor that it was the best first date I’d ever had.  The third one, not so much.  She took me to her AA meeting.  Obviously, that was no place for a date and I should have dropped her off and gone home.

Toronto was a repeat of the situation of Hamilton #1; panic attacks getting lost.  That one was a Sloan fan, but she really turned me off when I saw that none of the discs were in their proper cases.  Sloan At the Palais Royale had something else in it.  The discs were scattered!  But she was also a stage-5 clinger and the night I called her to say it wasn’t working out, she didn’t want to let it go.  I turned my cell phone off because it was constantly ringing and I was going nuts.  I went mini-golfing with some friends from the Record Store to clear my head.  When I turned it back on, a friend prank called me pretending to be the ex!  That eased the mood of the evening.

I really liked Kingston, and fortunately we’re friends.  She was a musician and I even have a copy of her CD that I’ll review one day.  My heart was heavy when she moved to Thunder Bay for school.  I could do long distance but not that long.  That wasn’t the end of the city of Thunder Bay though.  The city taketh away, but the city also returneth:  Thunder Bay Girl herself, subject of Record Store Tales Part 264:  Garbage Removal Machine.  She moved here from T-Bay and was into the metal.  Motley Crue was her favourite.  We’d hang out and watch music videos all night.  I gave her a giant box of my old cassette tapes.  But if Toronto was a stage-5 clinger, Thunder Bay was stage-6.  I had to get out, and she justifiably hated me for it.  But she hated me even more for bailing on her when she had to deliver a ferret to somebody.  Attempting to be friends, I offered to drive her some place to drop off this ferret.  I had to cancel because, as always, the Record Store was insane and I had to work.  Having a life was very difficult at the Record Store and the ferret thing was not my fault.  She didn’t care, and it was all she needed to hate me forever.  She went home to Thunder Bay a little later; that’s why I like to say all my tapes are in a Thunder Bay landfill today.

I’m not innocent through all this of course; I’m sure some of these exes have their own stories.  I’ll never claim to be blameless.  I just like to tell my tales, because at the end of the day, you just gotta laugh.  That’s how you ultimately get over shit.  Laughter, and music.

Fortunately the last online lady I ever met was Brampton.  Her real name is Jennifer, but today she just likes to be called Mrs. LeBrain.

*Confession time!  There was one girl that worked at the Cambridge location that I liked, so I invited her out to dinner and then over for a movie.  I was living with T-Rev at the time, who worked with her in Cambridge.  Well I was so bored on our “date” (IT WAS NOT A DATE, TREVOR! IT WAS A HANG-OUT!) that I went to bed early and she hung out with Trev for the rest of the night!  “Very awkward!” according to Trevor.

Part 264: Garbage Removal Machine / REVIEW: Motley Crue – Lewd, Crued & Tattooed – Live

First the tale, then the review.  I would like to dedicate this one to DEKE, Thunder Bay’s hardest rocker, who titled this story for me.  And to Jason C, who just yesterday won tickets to the Toronto show on the Final Tour with Alice Cooper!  Lucky…!

RECORD STORE TALES Part 264:  Garbage Removal Machine

The year was 2004.  I had always been an active on various “social media” but back then the place to be was called IAM.  Iam.bmezine was the full name, but it was where I spent most of my time, and where some of the journals that appear here today originated.

I had joined an IAM book exchange group and specified that I was interested in collecting Stephen King.  Someone sent me The Stand and I was hooked, so I wanted to get more into the mythos.  This girl from Thunder Bay, Ontario sent me a few more as well.  A little bit later, she moved to Waterloo for school.  We met at William’s coffee pub to exchange some more stuff.  She was wearing a Motley Crue – Girls, Girls, Girls T-shirt.

One thing led to another and we ended up going out.  She came over to my place and we watched a couple rock movies.  She was into all things “retro”, so I decided to give her all my old cassettes.  Everything that was duplicated on CD, I gave to her.  All my Iron Maiden, all my Judas Priest, Motley Crue, Van Halen…everything that I had on disc.  She gladly took them, and I gladly took back my storage closet.

In return, she gave me her copy of Motley Crue’s DVD Lewd, Crued & Tattooed – Live.  “It sucks,” she said.  “Vince Neil sucks now.  I was so disappointed.”  I didn’t have the DVD, and it wasn’t especially high on my radar because yes, the Crue had been sucking as of late.  However the presence of Samantha Maloney on drums (filling in for the terminally ill Randy Castillo) meant that it was the kind of one-off that I enjoy owning.

One of the better performances

A couple of weeks went by with Thunder Bay Girl, but my guard was up; my spider senses were tingling.  I felt like she was obsessing a bit.  A bit later she told me that the reason she sent me the Stephen King books in the first place was just to contact me; she went out to a used bookstore, bought a couple Kings and sent them to me.  I know, not exactly So I Married An Axe Murderer behaviour, but there were other factors that made me start to feel uncomfortable.  When she asked me what I wanted for my birthday that year, I decided to pull the plug before it got too far.

I did the manly thing, and dumped her by email.  I know, I know.  All I can say in my defense is that I was right.  My spider senses detected something alright.  Although it didn’t happen immediately, she eventually exploded like a powder keg.  We chose to “remain friends” (not a good idea) but friendship soon turned to a hateful obsession.  She exploded on me one day — something about a ferret?  Eventually she moved back to Thunder Bay, and I never heard from her again.  I like to think that she took my tapes with her, and dumped them in a Thunder Bay landfill out of pure spite.  Although I wish I had kept some of those cassettes, I’ve decided to maintain a safe distance from Thunder Bay at all times.  It’s the only way to be sure.

MOTLEY SUCK_0001MOTLEY CRUE – Lewd, Crued & Tattooed – Live (2001 Motley Records DVD)

Here’s Uncle LeBrain with a dose of reality: This DVD sucks. Truly. It sucks. The New Tattoo album wasn’t great to start with, but this is awful. The awfulness can be boiled down to one factor: Vince Neil, the laziest singer in rock. Here, a breathless Neil does his thing: lets the crowd sing half the song, skips every other word, and weasels his way out of the tough notes.  Set-list wise, this relies heavily on the Motley hits with very little deviation. Which is good, can Vince even remember the lyrics to obscure tunes?

So embarrassing is Vince Neil’s performance on this DVD that I have only managed to watch the whole thing twice.  The main reason to own it is Samantha Maloney. Diehard Crue-heads will remember that drummer Randy Castillo had replaced Tommy Lee, but himself had to sit out the tour due to the cancer that eventually killed him. Ex-Hole drummer Samantha Maloney, the first and only girl to be in The Crue, took his place and did admirably well.  It all came to an end when she hooked up with Nikki Sixx.  You knew these guys just could not be in a band with a girl.

A second reason for me to keep this in my collection is “Nobody Knows What It’s Like To Be Lonely”.  This is an audio-only track, and also the first-ever official release of one of the earliest Motley songs.  To date, the only official release.  It was recorded in May 1981 at the same session that yielded Motley’s first single “Toast of the Town” / “Stick To Your Guns”.  I believe the song used to be known as “I Got the Power” and was written by Nikki Sixx for his old band, London.  It does piss me off that this audio track is only on a DVD, not a CD, but I’m sure those more tech-savvy than me can rip it to an mp3 file.

2/5 stars