Record Store Tales

Part 214: The Rules 2

RECORD STORE TALES Part 214:  The Rules 2

One of my most popular posts from the first year of this site was Part 19:  “The Rules”.  We had a lot of rules.  Some made sense, some were ludicrous, but one thing’s for sure:  we had them!  I’ve talked about the store play rules, the piercing rules, and others.  Here’s some more!

  • Don’t point.  This is a good rule.  Don’t point.  Customer comes in and says, “Hey, where’s your Lady Gaga?”  Don’t point.  If it was that easy, they would have found Lady Gaga on their own.  Take them out on the floor and show them where it is.
  • Don’t make fun of the music your customer is buying.  Nobody likes that.  Some people unfortunately have that unpleasant experience while buying music.
  • If a customer has first dibs/a reservation for a specific title, and it comes in used, that customer gets that title.  Simple.  Some staff members abused that rule if the item was rare enough…myself included!
  • Don’t eat your fuckin’ lunch at the counter.  Gross.

Some of the rules I had problems with included the following:

  • No sitting.  Our original store had a chair, that we were not allowed to use.  But when I first started, standing for 8 hours straight with no break was really hard.  It took a while to get used to that.  Since we worked alone at that time, it was really exhausting to work that long without a break.  If you’re working alone for 8 hours straight with no breaks, a chair is helpful.
  • You must be 15 minutes early for every shift.  Only problem – they didn’t pay you for those 15 minutes!
  • No hiring family or friends.  My sister, who is a world class musician with loads of customer service experience, didn’t even get considered for a job when she applied.  I was even given shit for letting her apply!  Meanwhile, friends of other people somehow got hired, perhaps because they were friends with the right people?

But it’s all good, no hard feelings.  With hindsight, my sister is doing pretty good now anyway.

Here’s a selection of rules that I would have liked, in a perfect world:

  • Getting paid for all the time you put in.   That would be a good rule.
  • No Macy Gray.  When her first album came out, one employee played it constantly.  I never need to hear a Macy Gray song ever again.
  • No eating subs with onions at any time, any where, before or during a shift.  Gross.

KEEP CALM

Part 213: A Dandy Douche In Need is a Dandy Douche Indeed

RECORD STORE TALES Part 213:
A Dandy Douche In Need is a Dandy Douche Indeed

While digging through old papers, hard drives, and photos for this blog, I ran across some interesting journal entries.  I had forgotten this myself, but the handful of entries flooded back the memories.  They are regarding Dandy, a person about whom I have very little positive to say.  He brought me never-ending grief.

I remember that there was a fire downtown, and he lived near (or below?) the unit that ignited.  He lost everything in the fire due to water damage.  He couldn’t even go in to get his clothes, it was taped off.  For whatever reason (and I really cannot remember my thoughts to this day), I — me!? — organized a relief fund for him.

I remember Jonathan asking me why I wanted to help him.  I wish I knew what I told Jon.  My motivations are lost to me now.   I think part of the reason I did this was ignorance.  I didn’t know about half the shit he pulled, until after he quit his job at the record store.  If I had known then what I know now, would I have organized a relief fund?

I’ll let the unedited journals speak for themselves.  Only the names have been changed.

Date: 2004/05/18 19:43

I’m putting a collection together to help [Dandy] out after his fire. He had to buy clothes just to come to work today. So far I’ve collected $50, and by Thursday I hope to buy him some sweet gift certificates to replace his clothes and anything else essential he may need. I expect I’ll be able to get about $200 or so by Thursday afternoon. At least I certainly hope so.

You know, I’m not heartless. I can’t forgive [Dandy] for what he did…but that was nothing compared to this tragedy. I think anybody who couldn’t understand my doing this is really, really heartless. I don’t know how someone could feel that way about another person.

Date: 2004/05/19 10:31

Just sold one of my Zeppelin CDs [I had another version of it] and threw the proceeds into the [Dandy] fund.

Date: 2004/05/19 14:02

OK, Julie just stepped up to bat and gave $25 to [Dandy] via PayPal.

Date: 2004/05/20 21:36

Relief fund is now done, and I beat my goal.  I collected $220 for him.  Unfortunately, [someone] accidentally sent HIM an email that should have been sent to me, so he knows about it, there will be no surprise.

It’s actually kind of uncomfortable to read my younger self’s words with the years between us now.  It is what it is: LeBrain in the raw!

GOODY

Part 212: Top 3 Crushes

RECORD STORE TALES Part 212:  Top 3 Rock Star Crushes

I was quite legendary at the Record Store for my celebrity crushes.  I talked before about about Dayna Manning — she was but one on my list of fantasy girls.

3. MARIA DEL MAR (National Velvet)

T-Rev and I were given tickets to see Helix at Stages, in 1996.  Opening was a new band fronted by ex-National Velvet singer Maria Del Mar.  You might remember National Velvet’s hit, “Sex Gorilla”.  Her new band was good, and after the show Maria came and sat down next to us!  Gasp!  She was really loaded.  T-Rev and I handed her business cards for our stores and encouraged her to visit, call, sell albums there on consignment, anything!

Unfortunately, it seemed to us that she preferred the sharp Austrian looks of Peter the Rocker, who also attended the show.  Maria wouldn’t leave him alone.  She never called us either.  At least Helix were good!

Tastes as sweet as “Sex Gorilla”

2. NICOLE HUGHES (Scratching Post)

A couple friends of ours opened for this band in 1998.  I drooled all over the stage looking at singer/guitarist Nicole Hughes.  That red hair.  The leather skirk, playing that guitar.  Oh yeah.  I was in love.  I admired every magazine cover she appeared on.  One of the girls at work used to try to bug me by commenting that Hughes’ mouth was “too big”.

I never had the guts to speak to her at any of those concerts!  Nothing more than a “great show, eh.”  I was given copies of their two albums for my birthday one year.  Imagine my horror at finding that I didn’t really like them.  I sold them off before I quit the store.

Scratching Post’s only really good tune, “Bloodflame”

1.       TALENA ATFIELD (Kittie)

I was never a Kittie fan.  I’m not denying their talent, I’m just not a fan of that sound.  I’ve never bought any of their albums.  I only like a couple tunes. But as far as I was concerned, I did like Talena Atfield, the bassist!  After she left Kittie, I found her on MySpace and sent her a message.  Something lame like, “Hey, I manage a record store, you should come in if you’re in town,” or whatever.  The response was brief, but positive – she called me cute!  Well didn’t I go and tell everyone at the store about that?

So, they made fun of me for yet another rock star crush, but it turned out OK in the end.  Now I’m married, and it’s fun to look back of these rock crushes. Mrs. LeBrain used to like Trent Reznor, so I know I’m OK!  (She says she likes her men short.)

Next time on Record Store Tales…

Long-forgotten Dandy drama

Part 211: The House of Lords Debacle

RECORD STORE TALES Part 211:  The House of Lords Debacle

Joe was on the other end of the phone.  “Mike,” he said.  “I have three CDs here by a band called House of Lords.  You want?”

I’d first heard House of Lords in ’88.  Gene Simmons was promoting them like mad.  They were signed to his new imprint, $immons Records.  A guy called Loz Netto was his first signing, but House of Lords was his first rock acquisition.  They included ex-members of Guiffria, Quiet Riot, and Alice Cooper.  I picked up their debut on the week of release, but I missed the second and third albums.

“I’ll take two!” I responded without hesitation.  “I’ll take the ones titled Sahara and Demons Down.”

Joe laughed.  “I knew you’d know who these guys were,” he said.  I saw the pictures of the hairdos on the back and I knew it.”

“Thanks man, send ’em my way.  I will buy them both for sure.”

HOL_0002

Yes, Tommy Aldridge was in House of Lords for a minute

Joe had the two discs sent to my store, attention to me.  But in between his store and mine, they had been intercepted.  Someone had written on the transfer slips, “Sell at $11.99 — no discount.”

No discount?  On House of Lords?  The fuck was this?

Not that $11.99 is a bad price.  That was a high but realistic sticker price for used copies of these albums.  I can get Demons Down on CD from Discogs right now for under 8 bucks.  If I had walked into another store and found them for $12, I would have bought them without hesitation.  It was the principle of the thing that bothered me.  I’ve talked before about how we didn’t get staff discounts on certain special or big ticket items.  House of Lords was hardly the kind of band that would negate a staff discount.  In fact, my boss (who had written the note) had no idea who House of Lords was.

He had obviously seen that the two discs were being sent to me, since he had written the note.  Perhaps he looked at the back and spied the Simmons Records logo.  Either way he personally nixed the the discount.  I called him up to ask what the deal was.

“Hey,” I began.  “These two House of Lords discs.  What’s up with the price?  No discount on these?”

“Nope,” he answered simply.

“Why?” I asked.  “Nobody knows who they are.”

“That’s just what we’ve decided they’re worth,” he replied.

“Alright, well I’m going to pass on them then.  I’m sending them back to Joe’s store.”  I was disappointed.  This kind of penny-ante crap had picked up in recent years.  It was petty.  It seemed arbitrary.

A few years later, more copies came in.  I snagged those, discount intact.  Much like most of the world, the powers that be had simply forgotten who House of Lords were.  And I wasn’t about to say, “Hey, by the way, in case you forgot, staff aren’t supposed to get a discount on House of Lords.”

I’m listening to House of Lords right now.  The funny thing is, for such “special” items, neither is really as good as their debut!

Next time on Record Store Tales…

Crushes!

Part 209: The Phantom Menace

 

RECORD STORE TALES Part 209:  The Phanton Menace

Some at the record store made fun of me for being such a serious Star Wars fan.  I’m not a hard core fanboy; I don’t go to conventions or follow the books and TV shows, but I am pretty dedicated to the films.  I booked May 19, 1999 off work well in advance to see The Phantom Menace on opening day.

I’m not going to turn this story into a review for Phantom Menace.  That movie’s been reviewed by thousands of people and I’m not interested in contributing to the background noise.  The only thing you need to really agree with me on is that there was a tremendous excitement for Phantom Menace back in 1999.  I had been dreaming of what might happen before and after the Holy Trilogy since I was 5 years old.  My sister was only a baby when the first Star Wars came out, but she did get to see Empire in the theaters.  She is a slightly bigger fan than I am, but she doesn’t follow the expanded universe or any of that stuff.

We both booked the day off work and planned to go together.  Our strategy was this:  Since we knew that the theaters would be absolutely packed for the midnight opening, we picked an out of the way (but still THX) theater that had a noon showing. So, all we had to do was wait an extra 12 hours (at home), and we’d get in no problem!

We showed up at the theater and were, like, seventh in line.  No sweat.  Soon we had our seats in a sparsely seated theater.  Then the trailers (something called Titan AE, which inspired a heckle of “What the hell was that?” from the audience).  Then the Fox fanfare, the Lucasfilm logo and finally…”A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away….”

136 minutes later (we stayed for the credits of course) we were pretty satisfied with the movie.  Keep in mind that fast shit had been whizzing in front of our faces for over two hours.  There were things that didn’t make sense, there were things we didn’t like much (the kid, Jar Jar) but we kept telling ourselves the same thing.

“Yeah, but it’s the first chapter.  The next one will be where it really starts.”

As we were talking about it, I said, “Wanna see it again?  It went so fast there was a ton of stuff I’m sure I missed.”

“Sure!” she answered.  “Yeah!”

We went back out to the ticket counter.  There were a few people in line, but not many.  “Two for Star Wars, please,” I said as I approached the counter.

“Didn’t you just come out of Star Wars?” she said with that snooty tone.

“Yep.  We liked it,” I answered.

“And you want to see it again?”  We did.

We went back in.  The second time lacked a bit of the awe.  This time, I paid more attention to the details.  Questions came to my mind.  “If Yoda is the Jedi Master that instructed Obi-Wan, then why is Liam Neeson training him?”  Stuff like that.

I still remember that on the way home, we stopped at the HMV store, and I bought Ed Hunter by Iron Maiden.  When we got home, we were still excited about the movie, telling Mom and Dad all the details.  My dad was skeptical.

“Does it have the emotion of the first one?  Does it have the feeling?” he inquired.

“Well…no not exactly,” I rationalized.  “This is just the first chapter.  The next one will be where it really starts.”

My dad was onto something.

The hilarious Red Letter Media review

I also distinctly remember watching Phantom Menace again with Tom and a franchise owner, on VHS, shortly after it came out.

In 2005 I first met the girl who would later become my wife, but she had never seen Star Wars.  I was really excited to be the guy that got to watch Star Wars with her for the first time.  For some stupid reason that to this day I will never understand, I decided to start her off with Episode I:  The Phantom Menace.  Bad idea.

“That stupid fucking dino-guy” is what she named Jar-Jar Binks.  She hated it.  (She liked Episode III though.)  Then, her dad (rest his soul) decided that he wanted to see the Star Wars prequels too.  One Saturday night I went over there with my DVD copy of Phanton Menace in hand.  And so it was that Jen had to see Phantom Menace not once, but twice.

We’ll be married five years this August, more awesomer than ever, so “that stupid fucking dino-guy” couldn’t have been all that  bad, right?

NEXT TIME ON RECORD STORE TALES…

LeBrain on the radio!

Part 208: Flashback 1995

RECORD STORE TALES Part 208:  Flashback 1995

November/December 1995 was freakin’ busy.  We sold a lot of discs that Christmas.  What we didn’t do was listen to a lot of discs!  No; our boss really, really liked Don Henley and TLC.  He played them ad-nauseum.  Like on repeat three times in a row.  I’m not kidding about that.  I distinctly remember the repeat.  Here are the Top Three Discs I Had to Listen to Until My Ears Bled, December 1995.

3. Boney M – Christmas Album

2. Don Henley – Actual Miles

1. TLC – CrazySexyCool

Trevor on the other hand was introducing me to Oasis and managed to get a few cool discs into rotation:

3. The Beatles – Anthology Vol. 1 (usually just disc 2)

2. Foo Fighters – Foo Fighters 

1. Oasis – (What’s the Story) Morning Glory?

We were also working with this new guy, Donnie, and we let him pick Dance Mix ’95 a few times.  Unfortunately, the Big Shiny Tunes series hadn’t begun yet.

I didn’t get to pick as many discs as the others — the boss didn’t like my picks.  When I did, I chose the new Def Leppard – Vault (Greatest Hits 1980-1995).

Looking back, there were also a few albums that I found utterly disappointing that season.  They included:

3. AC/DC – Ballbreaker

2. Lenny Kravitz – Circus

1. Savatage – Dead Winter Dead

All three were albums that I was solidly looking forward to, but largely disappointed me.  I never did buy Circus.  I own the other two, but only because I’m a completest (and I got AC/DC for $3).

Finally there were three albums that really got me through that season.  I had just been dumped by my first serious girlfriend and I was really angry about it.  Away from work (my boss didn’t want these ones played in the store) these three albums totally spoke to me that Christmas:

3. Alice in Chains – Alice in Chains

2. Ozzy Osbourne – Ozzmosis

1. Iron Maiden – The X Factor

Let me tell you something people:  I still fuckin’ hate TLC.  I’ll never go chasin’ waterfalls, ever again.

Next time on Record Store Tales…

A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away…

Part 207: Make ‘Em Say UHHH

RECORD STORE TALES Part 207:  Make ‘Em Say UHHH

Working in a used CD store, not only did we get to see lots of cool stuff, but we got to look inside.  Anything that appeared remotely interesting, cool, amusing, or weird, you could open up the booklet and have a look.  Some of the oddest things that amused us were the ads inside releases from No Limit Records.  No Limit is a rap label.  They heavily cross-promoted all their artists, and their roster once boasted Snoop Dogg himself for a couple albums.  You’d see ads for all their albums (all the art obviously done by the same people), and…sometimes…an ad for the talking Master P doll!  “Make ‘Em Say Uhhh!”, as seen below…

Uhhh! Na na, na na.  Uhhh!  Na na, na na.

Next time on Record Store Tales….

FLASHBACK!

Part 206: Rock Video Night!

MUCH

RECORD STORE TALES Part 206:  Rock Video Night!

Last time on Record Store Tales, we talked about Andy and Ashleigh and the discovery of great rock bands such as Rush, Max Webster, and Van Halen.  Andy was even more curious now about what great rock was out there.

Rock music is about so much more than just the songs.  There’s the concerts, the live experience.  There’s the history of the bands, the stories and the context.  And there were the music videos.  How could one possibly talk about a great band like Van Halen without mentioning groundbreaking, defining music videos that they made?  Since a picture is worth 1,000 words, I decided the best way to explain these things was to have a Rock Video Night at my place.

90% of my video collection was from the Pepsi Power Hour.  Back in the days before YouTube, a channel like MuchMusic would have an hour or two a week devoted to the heaviest videos in rock, and I tried to record the show every week.  I had amassed a large collection of VHS tapes, probably about 120 hours of music videos, interviews and concerts altogether.  That’s not including the hundred or so officially released video tapes that I bought over the years.  We had a lot to watch so I had to hone down the set list for the evening.

Since I am and always have been OCD about my music collection, I had a meticulously typed list of every track on every video that I made.  I carefully planned the evening’s entertainment.  There were some videos that I know these kids had to see.  They were all one musical generation younger than me.  They grew up on videos like “Jeremy” and “Fell on Black Days”, not “Jump” or “Go For Soda”.  I had to make them understand my time, when it was OK to have sword fights and dwarves and laser guns in your videos.

Ash and Andy arrived along with my other employees Braddy D and Chris P.  The set of videos that I chose to share with them that evening included:

SAVATAGE – “Hall of the Mountain King”.  Summary:  Dwarf seeks Mountain King’s gold.  Must try to steal it without waking him, while band is playing in the same caverns.  Not sure why the King doesn’t hear Jon Oliva singing.  (below)

VAN HALEN – “Oh Pretty Woman”.  Summary:  Lady in distress has been kidnapped by two dwarves.  A hunchback in a treehouse (David Lee Roth) telephones a samurai (Michael Anthony), Tarzan (Alex Van Halen),  a cowboy (Eddie Van Halen), and Napoleon Bonaparte (David Lee Roth) to save her.  (below)

ARMORED SAINT – “Can U Deliver”. Summary:  Band driving a Buick with armor and an anti-aircraft cannon seek a glowy sword.  Band plays concert in front of rocker dudes and scantily clad babes while wearing leather armor.  (below)

GRIM REAPER – “Fear No Evil”.  Summary:  Band drive a DIY armored APC on a quest to free long-haired slaves from an evil half-man half-something with Wolverine claws. (below)

MIKE LADANO, BOB SCHIPPER and DAVE KIDD – “Nothing But A Good Time”.  Summary:  A highschool video I made, lip synching to “Nothing But A Good Time” by Poison.  We had our English teacher do the schtick at the beginning where he plays the prick boss who gives the kid a hard time before the song comes on.  We made it in ’89 and it was our school’s selection to send to the annual regional Film Awards!  (below)

Rock Video Night was a great success in many regards.  The kids had a great time finally seeing David Lee Roth doing the splits in “Jump”.  Ash was still not won over by the rock, but that’s OK.  What wasn’t OK is that I had really sour stomach issues that night!  I tried so hard to be a good host, and I kept excusing myself, but…they tell me the smell was wafting down from the upstairs bathroom.

So, Rock Video Night ended on a rather stinky note.

NEXT TIME ON RECORD STORE TALES…

Make ’em say uhhh!

 

Part 205: Dad Rock

Happy Father’s Day to all the dads out there, and always a salute to the ones that are gone too soon!

RECORD STORE TALES Part 205:  Dad Rock

When Ashleigh started at our store she became the resident hippie.  Everybody loved Ash, she was one of the best.  I teased her a bit about hippie things, and called her Crunchy Granola. This was all done (and hopefully taken) in fun, because she is really a great person.  If you needed to know anything about Simon & Garfunkel, the Dead, Ani DiFranco or Dave Matthews Band, she was the one to ask.  She knew it all.

There was a generational thing between us, and I remember this was obvious when we were setting up a Father’s Day display.  We were looking for CDs and movies that “typical dads” would like for Father’s Day gifts.  I would say things like “Dads like World War II movies,” while she said, “Dads like Kim Mitchell.”

“What?” I said incredulously.  “Dads do not like Kim Mitchell.  My dad thinks Kim Mitchell is a girl.”

Ash gave me a patient look.  “Dads do like Kim Mitchell.  That’s what dads listen to now.”

“Cool people listen to Kim Mitchell,” I responded quietly.

I slowly absorbed all this new information.  Dads liked Kim Mitchell?  But Kim Mitchell was one of my highschool idols.  My dad  had no interest in doing his “Rock N Roll Duty”.  This must have meant that people of the Kim generation were dads themselves now…and had kids as old as Ash!  Jesus!

Kim’s dad is in this video!

A little later on, Ash start socializing with this guy named Andy.  At first I was skeptical of Andy because of his large gauge piercings and dreadlocks.  He didn’t talk much.

Turns out Andy was just shy.  Ash approached me one day.

“Andy thinks you’re cool.  He wants you to make a mix tape for him.  Would you be willing to do that?”

Taken aback, I said “Seriously?  Sure!  He thinks I’m cool?  What kind of music does he want on here?”

Ash paused.  She took a deep breath.

“Dad rock.  Stuff like Kim Mitchell and Van Halen and David Lee Roth.”

Once again, I paused to absorb all this new information.  Ash was with a guy who liked “dad rock”.  This was awesome.  I started laughing.  I gasped for breath, as my face turned red.

“Oh…my…God!  Andy likes Kim Mitchell!  You’re going to have to listen to Kim Mitchell with him aren’t you?”

“Possibly,” she mumbled.

“This is awesome.  This is awesome.  This is awesome.  I can’t wait to get started.  Seriously, I already have ideas.  Right on.  This is going to be an awesome mix tape.”

Good as my word, eventually I furnished a custom mix tape, with liner notes and carefully selected music to entertain and hopefully enlighten.  I wish I had kept a copy.  Unfortunately, I didn’t.  So in lieu of the actual track list, here’s the mix tape I would make today given the exact same circumstances.  Let me know what you think!

Side One:

Van Halen – Eruption, Runnin’ With the Devil

Kim Mitchell – Kids In Action

Max Webster – Hangover

Talas – NV43345

David Lee Roth – Shy Boy

Van Halen – Ain’t Talkin’ ‘Bout Love

Max Webster/Rush – Battle Scar

Rush – Tom Sawyer

Dream Theater – Pull Me Under

Side Two:

Rush – 2112 (Side One)

Kim Mitchell – Lager and Ale

Van Halen – Hot For Teacher

Rush – Subdivisions

Max Webster – Toronto Tontos

Kim Mitchell – Sudbury Saturday Night

This is not the last of Andy’s exploration of the greatest music of all time either…stay tuned for…

Part 206! Rock Video Night!