Record Store Tales

Part 200: Just Another Annoying Day…

RECORD STORE TALES Part 200: Just Another Annoying Day…

It was a Wednesday in May, 1997.  Early afternoon.  This big, big dude with a shaved head walked into my store.  I greeted him, as I did all customers.  By all appearances he was perfectly normal.

“Hi there,” I said a few moments after he walked in.

“Do you have any Metallica box sets?” he replied, skipping the formalities.

I didn’t need to check inventory to know the answer.  The Metallica box set, Live Shit: Binge & Purge was huge.  It housed three VHS video tapes, 3 CDs in one jumbo “fat” case, a nice booklet, a “backstage pass”, and a stencil.

Legend has it that Peter the Rocker stenciled the “Metallica Guy” on the hood of his car.

There were other things that you might have classified as a Metallica “box set” at the time, but it was 1997 and there weren’t many.  The first Fan Can was out (1996), and there was the vinyl-only The Good, The Bad and The Live: 6½ Anniversary EP Box Set that we wouldn’t have carried (no vinyl in 1997).

“No, I don’t have any.  I know for sure that one of our other stores had one a few days ago.  Want me to check if it’s still there?”

“No.  How much will you pay me for one?” he asked.

“Well, that depends on a lot of things.  It’ll depend on if it’s complete, condition…”

Cutting me off, he abruptly said, “Yeah, yeah…it’s brand new.  It’s my buddy’s.  He has lots of Metallica box sets.  What will you pay me for the rest of them?  He has all of them.”

“All of them?” I queried.  “What do you mean by all of them?  Binge & Purge is the one most people are thinking off.”

“Yeah he has that, and all the others too,” he continued, “all sealed.  Metallica have a lot of box sets.  He has doubles of all of them.”

The dude smelled fishy, and it sounded to me like he was setting up a story in order to possibly go across the street to the mall, steal one or more, and sell them to me.  At this point, my guard was up and I wasn’t interested.  So, as diplomatically as possible, I addressed the big guy.

“Well dude, I can’t make any promises.  I can’t give you any kind of quote or promise without knowing what I’m buying.”

Cutting me off again, he repeated, “They’re all brand new.  Still in plastic.  Yeah, my buddy, he collects them.  But, uhh, he owes me money, and uhh…he said I could sell what I needed to get the money.  Can you give me $400?”

If I was drinking something I probably would spat it up.  “Umm, no man, listen, I really can’t help you out with that right now.”

“Are you hiring?” he replied, changing tack.

I paused, trying to keep up with the guy’s racing thoughts.  Even if I was hiring, there was no way I was telling him that!  I replied in the negative.

“No?  Can you hire me just for this afternoon?  I could lift stuff and help around the store,” he persisted.

“No.  I got it covered.  Thanks, I’m good.”

“I just need enough for the bus.  I have to be in Hamilton on Friday.  I’m going to Hamilton to work, but I don’t have a way of getting there yet.  Can you just, you know, give me some money?” I couldn’t believe I was hearing this.

“Sorry man, I really can’t.  Maybe someone else can help you if you go elsewhere,” I said, politely terminating the conversation.

“OK.  I’m going to go get those Metallica box sets.  My buddy lives really close.  I’ll be back in 20 minutes,” he announced, as he left the store.

I knew a guy at the HMV store at the mall, so I gave him a call.  I asked him to keep an eye on a big bald guy who might be eyeing the Metallica box set a little too closely.  He called the other music stores at the mall and gave them a heads-up as well.

Big guy was never seen nor heard from again!

NEXT TIME ON RECORD STORE TALES…

Warren.  Just Warren.

Part 199: Hooray! Hooray! It’s Stock Transfer Day!

RECORD STORE TALES Part 199:  Hooray! Hooray! It’s Stock Transfer Day!

A couple weeks ago, I was out driving, rocking to Kiss’ Hotter Than Hell.  Suddenly I realized the car in front of me was being driven by my former boss at the record store.  We happened to be going in the same direction.  I followed him as he pulled into the old record store, where he turned off.  He didn’t see me wave but from the stop lights, I could see him go to the back of the vehicle and pull out a big box of discs for the record store.

This brought back a vivid memory — Stock Transfer Day!  STD!

Twice a week, the local store managers were required to travel to a central location to pick up stock from the other stores.  This stock could include special orders being transferred from store to store.  The majority of the boxes were full of stuff for our shelves, and fresh jewel cases since we went through hundreds a week.  These would fill the trunk, pile up on the back seats, and once in a while the passenger seat too.

The managers decided to do stock transfer on Monday nights, and Thursday afternoons.  I hated Monday nights and Thursday afternoons.  The only good thing about stock transfer was the chance to see some of my store manager friends, such as the eternally interesting Joe.  It was during one of these stock transfers that I witnessed the immortal Open Door Piss.

What bugged me most about the stock transfer arrangements were that the time, gas and mileage on our cars was considered to be “part of our salaries”.  This part of it really sucked, as you could spend a good chunk of your night hanging around doing nothing, waiting for someone.  Sometimes a traffic accident or tie-up on the highway could screw somebody’s route home.  That’s just the way this city was(n’t) planned out.

So while you’re waiting for someone with some orders that you absolutely need, you’re sitting doing nothing, burning your own time.  This happened frequently in winter, but in the summer too.  While this is ensuing,  at home your porch is unoccupied and lacking in beverages.  And that is a shame.

Next time on Record Store Tales…

200th episode!!

Part 198 / REVIEW: Promos II (King’s X – “Pillow” CD single)

RECORD STORE TALES Part 198:  Promos II

In Part 117, we talked about promo CDs:  How to identify them, what they were, what they’re worth.  A short while ago, Statham and I were having a conversation about promo discs.  The conversation began in regards to one of my treasured rarities, a King’s X promo CD for their 1994 single, “Pillow”, from the Dogman CD.

Even though eBay (supposedly) have strict policies against selling promo discs, I just found one as I was writing this, identical to mine, on sale for $46.99 USD.  It even says “Promo Copy – Not For Sale” in clear writing on the back cover, in the eBay photo!  Somebody at eBay is asleep at the wheel.

I got mine for free, a decade ago!

This one found its way into our warehouse, probably via a liquidation.  The warehouse manager knew we couldn’t sell it, not with that big inscription on the back, so he gave it to me, knowing I was a huge fan.  As I explained to Statham:

LeBrain:  We weren’t legally allowed to sell promos, at least ones that were obviously identifiable as promos, in the store.  We’d been caught once when one hit the shelves .Even if I bought this CD from you for $5, I technically couldn’t sell it in store.  We could have asked $20 for it easily, because of the unreleased tracks.  Those weren’t on anything else.

Statham:  So even on the dark days, the ones you HATED about being there, there were then moments like your getting this CD that made it OK again!

LeBrain:  Yes! Although I had to keep them secret…Our warehouse manager would slide them my way, on the condition that I don’t tell. Don’t know what they would have done with them otherwise, besides throw them out.  That would have been a shame.  [I think the statute of limitations has expired on my promise not to tell!]  We paid money for these promos though, we got nothing for free.  Everything we sold was purchased from somebody else, be it a wholesaler or an individual.

Statham:  Right, but all of that is pre-killed by the writing all over the promos prohibiting their sale. So there never was a [legal] leg to stand on, with those.  But nobody ever reads those warnings anymore. The Interpol warning at the start of a DVD? Just something else to skip. Part of the scenery. Surely we can ignore that, right?

LeBrain:  Yeah exactly.  Every other store in town had promos on their shelves too.  And they weren’t as discerning as we were, they’d sell anything.  [But] you’re right, we didn’t have a leg to stand on.   I guess in the long run it meant that I could get stuff like this for free.

Statham:  Even as recently as last year, I bought a promo single from there [LeBrain’s old workplace]. So apparently things still slip through the cracks!

LeBrain:  I’m sure they do.  After all, it was over 10 years ago that we received a warning about selling promos.  I don’t know who tattled on us, but it always struck me as unfair.  We PAID for those promos.  We got NOTHING for free!  And I would never buy or sell a promo in the store that didn’t have something worthwhile on it, like bonus tracks of some kind.  It had to have some kind of value.

And so it goes.  I have a lot of promo discs from those days, stuff that you technically couldn’t buy in stores, stuff that guys at record shows routinely ask $20 for.  eBay prices?  Double that.  Some of them are worthless, one track promo singles with no cover and no real value.  Others have exclusive live tracks, like this King’s X single we’re about to discuss.

SAM_1940

KING’S X  – “Pillow” (promotional CD single, 1994 WEA)

“Pillow” was released as a single in mid-1994, and promptly went nowhere.  That’s too bad, as it’s a great song, heavy and slow, fitting right in with the grunge movement that was still dominating the charts.  King’s X trademark harmony vocals by Ty Tabor can be heard during the chorus, under Doug Pinnick’s soulful lead.  Doug’s 8-string bass chimes while drummer Jerry Gaskill sets the groove.  This track, one of the standouts from the Dogman album, simply crushes.

The two B-sides are live, recorded in Dallas on May 8, 1994.  “Shoes” is another great Dogman track.  What is especially cool is how great King’s X harmonies sound live!  This track proves they have the goods, but the Texas crowd is more than happy to take over the vocal chores.  They clearly knew the new songs backwards and forwards.

The second B-side is the complex “We Were Born To Be Loved” from the landmark Faith Hope Love album.  “I like a crowd that makes a lot of noise,” says Doug, before the band tear into the intricate rhythms and harmonies involved with this rocker.   It’s another Doug lead vocal, with Ty and Jerry on the harmonies.  Knowing how great King’s X are, I’m sure this truly is live — no backing tapes or overdubs.

There’s not much in the way of artwork; just a sticker on the front of the case and a pretty plain white back cover.  Stickers don’t age too well, as the gooey sticky stuff starts to seep through the paper.  Plus if you crack that front cover, you’re screwed.

Since this single was released, both these recordings have seen the light of day on an album, called Live & Live Some More, from 2007.   While that sort of destroys the collector’s value for a single such as this, it doesn’t change the fact that these songs are awesome!

5/5 stars

Next time on Record Store Tales…

Hooray for Stock Transfer Day!

Part 197: What’s on the Menu?

KS

RECORD STORE TALES Part 197:  What’s on the Menu?

Record store people have a wide variety of paletes.  We had omnivores.  We had vegetarians.  We had some like myself that subsisted on pepperoni sticks and Red Bull.  Some of them did come to work with healthy snack choices, such as fruit or carrot sticks.  But carrot sticks aren’t very rock n’ roll.

Some places in the world are known for their cuisine.  Nebraska, for example, is known for its “Hot Beef Sundae”.

The hit single “Hot Beef Sundae” dedicated to Nebraska’s state food

Likewise, record stores have their own cuisine.

Tom enjoyed a hearty dinner of baked beans and KD.  I’ve also seen him eat chicken bones, but I don’t think that was for nutritional value.  Here are some more record store classic dinners:

  • T-Rev and I had differing tastes.  I liked fish, his slogan was “nothing that swims”.  We could always agree on Taco Bell.  But no tomatoes for T-Rev.
  • I will always remember that Lemon Kurri Klopek taught me how to eat sushi.
  • One of our store managers enjoyed “taco sauce sandwiches”.  Take any meat (he liked roast beef) and add Taco Bell mild, or hot sauce.
  • Wiseman learned as a Subway Sandwich Artist.  He liked a two-meat sandwich:  turkey bacon with lots of onions.

You didn’t want to be working the same shift as Wiseman on turkey bacon onion night.  Believe me.

Next time on record store tales…

Promos…Part II.

Part 196: Happy Rockin’ Mother’s Day!

 

RECORD STORE TALES Part 196:  Happy Rockin’ Mother’s Day!

I’m hoping I don’t embarrass my mom too much with this post.  I love my mom.  My friends love my mom.  Everyone loves my mom, they always have.  It used to drive me nuts, actually.  Particularly with my friend Bob, it drove me nuts.  My friends would come over and spend more time talking to my mom than to me!

Joe, who ran one of our stores, was one friend that always enjoyed seeing my mom in his store.  Unfortunately for me, Joe really used to tease me about it, too.  Long time LeBrain readers will remember one story in particular.  Here’s the pertinent text from that tale:

One morning I was opening the store, and my computer beeped the sound that told me, “An order just arrived, please read me!”  So I did.  Only the order looked something like this.

ARTIST:  I’m totally going to

TITLE:  bone your mom.

I was digging through boxes of stuff, as Mrs. LeBrain and I prepare to move to a larger place this year.  In a closet I found a card from the record store.  Joe had signed it.

For my mom…happy Mother’s Day!

 

Next time on RECORD STORE TALES…

What’s on the menu?

Part 195 / REVIEW: REZ – Between Heaven ‘N Hell (1985)

 RECORD STORE TALES Part 195:  REZ – Between Heaven ‘N Hell

March, 1986.

“I got some cool new bands,” said Bob one day after school.  He had been working at the nearby Harvey’s restaurant and had been exposed to some unfamiliar music from his co-workers.

“Have you ever heard of Christian rock?” he asked me.

“Yeah,” I answered.  “Stryper are Christian rock.  I like Stryper.”

“Well,” Bob explained, “I taped all the best songs by two awesome bands:  REZ and Darrell Mansfield.  REZ is short for Resurrection Band.  Darrell has this awesome song called ‘Thunder and Lightning’.  You have to hear it!  It is so cool.”  Bob then sang the chorus to me.  Sounded good.

The songs he, and soon I, were enthralled with were as follows:

Darrell Mansfield:  “Thunder and Lightning”, “After the Storm”.

REZ:  “Zuid Afrikan”, “2,000”, and “Shadows”.

Bob taped them from a guy at Harvey’s, and then I taped them from him.  I had a third generation tape, which I played over and over.  We played the hell out of those three REZ songs.  They were absolutely incredible songs, and the lyrics were cool too.  They didn’t come across as “overtly” Christian, but all had positive messages.  Bob particularly loved “Shadows”, and a brilliant song it was.  He loved the lyrics, as Bob and I were both very anti-drug:

In the words of his mama, ‘He was my only son.’
In the words of his sister, ‘He was on the run.’
In the words of his girl, ‘How could it end this way?’
In the words of his daddy, ‘Well he never had much to say.’

The lyrics mentioned “angel dust and tortured dreams”, and we knew what had happened to the subject character of the song.  It focuses on the friends and family left to carry on.  But before too long, an uplifting chorus:

Lord You, You took the shadows,
All my fears and doubts, and brought me out of the night,
Lord You, You take the shadows,
Give me hope and love, turn my darkness to light.

For a little while, we had a new favourite song.

We didn’t know the name of the singer (Glenn Kaiser), but his gravelly voice was a cross between Bob Seger and Rod Stewart.  He was our new vocal hero that spring.  Now, if only we could hear more by REZ…

REZ CD

March, 1998.

By this time, my old cassette tape with the REZ songs was unlistenable.  Because of this I hadn’t heard anything by the band in many years.  I had been working at the store for four years, but never saw any listing for this band.  But T-Rev had a tendency to check out-of-the-way places for CDs.  Downtown Kitchener one Sunday afternoon, we were checking out a new local pawn shop.  In their $1.99 CD bin, I found an interesting title: I believe it was called Inspirational Rock.  It struck my eye immediately because one of the included tracks was “Shadows”, by REZ.  It was an automatic purchase.

I closed the door and hit play.  A single haunting, acoustic guitar played a dark melody.

You, you chase the shadows,
Because your hopes and dreams have been lost in the night.

Once again, I had a new favourite song.

March, 2008.

I learned that Between Heaven ‘N Hell, by REZ, was finally issued on CD, 23 years after its initial release!  Amazon.com had it for a reasonable price, and of course I had to have it.  For the first time in almost two decades, I had the chance to hear “2,000” and the anti-apartheid track “Zuid Afrikan” once again.  And they were just as good as the first time I heard them.  I found other standout tracks as well, such as the scorching “I Think You Know”.

I was surprised to find that the band had a second lead vocalist, Wendy Kaiser.  In fact she’s on the front cover!  Her songs tend to be more new wave oriented, but she does rock out on some, like “Save Me From Myself” and “Nervous World”.  Unfortunately, her voice is not to my taste, so I tend to gravitate solely to the Glenn Kaiser songs.

The final song on the album is “2,000”, one that Bob and I used to rock out to all those years ago, in the parking lot of Stanley Park Sr. Public School on Hickson Ave. in Kitchener  We’d pop like 14 D-cells or something like that into a ghetto blaster, grab a basketball, and shoot some hoops while listening to “2,000”.  We loved the futuristic, echo-y vocal.  This was an anti-nuclear weapons song, much like Ozzy was doing around the same time on his Ultimate Sin album.

Shame this one wasn’t a scorcher all the way through.  Still, it has enough positive rock power, gritty but powerful choruses, and memorable songs to earn a passing grade.

REZ – Between Heaven ‘N Hell (1985 Grrr Records)

3/5 stars

REZ BACK

NEXT TIME ON RECORD STORE TALES…

It’s Mother’s Day, again!

Part 194: Marilyn Manson’s Ribs

RECORD STORE TALES Part 194:  Marilyn Manson’s Ribs

“Hey, sir?  My friend has a question for you,” said the young kid.  12 or 13 years old if I had to guess.  He pushed his friend slightly forward.

“Yeah, uhh,” said the kid with the question.  “Is it true that Marilyn Manson had two of his ribs removed?”

“What?” I responded, befuddled.

“Yeah, uhh,” said the kid once again.  “I heard that, like, at a Marilyn Manson concert, he sucked himself off.  He had his bottom two ribs removed so that he could bend far enough over to do it.”

“Wow,” I uttered, a little stunned.  “Where did you hear that?”

“I bet another kid at school $5 that it wasn’t true.  He said it was.”

I paused to build anticipation.  “He owes you $5 then.”

“YES!” said the kid as he high-fived his friend.  “I knew it wasn’t true.”

They strolled out, looking incredibly relieved.

NEXT TIME ON RECORD STORE TALES…

Christian Rock!

Part 193: Dandy Douche 3 – Scary Carrie

Dandy 2

RECORD STORE TALES Part 193:  Dandy Douche 3 – Scary Carrie

Dandy Douche had two girlfriends simultaneously.  The one he really liked was a long distance thing in Toronto, and he had a local one too.  She worked at the mall at a music store there.  Both knew of the other, and supposedly accepted the situation.  He was really mean to the local one too, and dubbed her “Scary Carrie”, because she was clingy and did “annoying” things like make him lunch to bring to work.

Dandy moaned about Scary Carrie a lot. One afternoon at work, while he was complaining about Scary Carrie, this father came in with a little kid.  He was a boy about 3.  The little boy heard Dandy talking about “Scary Carrie” and started running around the store chanting “Scary Carrie!  Scary Carrie!”  Except he couldn’t say his “R’s” and it came came out as “Scawwie Cawwie!  Scawwie Cawwie!”

It was pretty hilarious at the time.

Whether Scary Carrie was as frightening as this dinosaur remains unknown.

I mean, this dinosaur is so scary, he took the dude’s gun away and the dude took off. That’s scary.

Part 192: Mix One

MIX ONE

RECORD STORE TALES Part 192:  Mix One

Blank discs are so cheap, and musical tastes so fleeting today, that I wonder if anybody but me still has the first mix CD they ever burned?

I’m hoping some of you have, and I’m hoping to hear it about from you too.  My first disc was made in early 2001 when we got our first burner.  It was made for a very specific purpose.

At the store, there was an informal rule that if you were closing one day and opening the next, it was “OK” to borrow a movie overnight, watch and return it.  So if that was true for movies, why not a CD?  Why not a dozen?  A few nights after having the CD burner installed, I borrowed a bag full of discs and burned this compilation on a Maxell CD-R 650.  74 minutes!  Up to 16x certified!

I returned the discs the next day, all albums that I wanted one or two songs from, but not the whole album.  Many were soundtracks and tribute albums.  I ended up buying The Strokes’ album a few weeks later, an ill-advised purchase that yielded only two or three listens.  I don’t have that one anymore.  But I still have my mix CD with “Last Nite”!

The Robbie Williams + Queen track is taken from the soundtrack to A Knight’s Tale.  I shall maintain the anonymity of the store employee who had the crush on Heath Ledger and inundated us with this soundtrack.  The same disc also yielded “I Want to Take You Higher” by Sly and the Family Stone.

Track 3 is an industrial-rock hybrid tune called “Violent New Breed”.  I later purchased the Violent New Breed album by Shotgun Messiah.  Industrial rock fans will know that Messiah’s original bassist/singer was Tim Tim, aka Tim Sköld of KMFDM, Marilyn Manson, and his eponymous band.  I liked the title track enough to later buy the album and the prior one too.  Both were keepers.

I’ve been a Goo Goo Dolls fan for a while so I thought I would grab their INXS cover “Don’t Change” from an Ace Ventura soundtrack.  Their cover of “Bitch” came from the 1993 No Alternative compilation album.

Apparently I was on a Warrior Soul kick at that time as well.  Shame that there isn’t a great Warrior Soul compilation album that suits all my needs.  I bought and sold their studio albums.  As for Michael Jackson, I later decided to add a single disc compilation to my collection, offsetting my burning of “Billie Jean”.

This being a real odds n’ ends disc, it’s not a spellbinding listen today.  It’s fun to remind myself of some oddball tracks that I liked enough to burn but not enough to buy.  I’m also amused by the title Mix One, the first of many!  And I was even doing cover art back then, too.  On the cover is myself dressed up as the alien from Part 148: Navigate the Seas of the Sun!

2/5 stars!

NEXT TIME ON RECORD STORE TALES…

The return of the Dandy!

WTF SEARCH TERMS: “Exersises for the Plumber Butt”

R.I.P. George Jones, age 81.

A little while ago, I said that the Klassic Kwotes well had run dry; I was starting a new feature.  This is that feature — let me know if you find it entertaining.

WTF SEARCH TERMS Part I: “Exersises for the Plumber Butt”

Crack = Bad

As a WordPress site, I have access to certain statistics.  I can see how many hits I’m getting per day, for example, and how many are unique visitors.  Some of my visitors are very, very unique.

Some of the more interesting particulars that I’m able to see are search terms.  Search terms that people typed into Google (or Yahoo, or whatever) that led them to me.   Search terms that boggle the mind as to a) what they were looking for, b) how it led them to me, or c) both.  Here’s a selection of some of the most entertaining.  This is just the tip of the iceberg.  If feedback is positive I’ll post more in the future.

Keep in mind two things!

1. Each of these are real search terms, typed in by real people on a search engine like Google.

2. Somehow, each of these search terms led them to ME!

Without further delay…enjoy.

exercises for the plumber butt

big breasted lebrains

my lebrian secret

domestic dog shit

doorway piss

shiting discas video

big butts in leather pants

fuck my old boots history

double penetrator

And finally, one guy who used an apt search term to find this site: