Melissa the Troll logged in at 1 AM last night to tell me that my opinion does not matter. I did not need Melissa to tell me that, but who is going to tell Melissa that her opinion matters just as much?
Melissa left a comment on my Avril Lavigne – Under My Skin review. Apparently her math isn’t that great, as she didn’t realize that my 3.5/5 score = 7/10, a pretty good review. She probably didn’t like that I found a few songs to be “shit”, but what can you do? It’s not like my opinions actually matter.
Always a pleasure when a celebrity comes down to read my stuff! (Remember when Kenny Hotz wasn’t keen on my Kenny Vs. Spenny Season 6 review?) Hip-hop producer David “D-Funk” Faulk is the latest to stumble upon my writing. David “D-Funk” Faulk is a King’s X fan. David “D-Funk” Faulk did not like my review of the King’s X B-side “Junior’s Gone Wild”, as you can see for yourself.
Thanks, D-Funk! I never said any of that. Should I be flattered that he thought I was a critic? I think so. I’m going to start referring to myself as “famed critic”.
My response to him went like this:
Here’s what bugs me the most about this dill-hole.
“If you don’t like it, fine. Don’t listen.”
SAME GOES FOR YOU, PAL, If you don’t like it, fine. Don’t read it.
What am I supposed to do? Lie about what appeals to me, just to satisfy the hard-core worshippers? You think it kicks fuckin’ ass. I don’t. You want me to lie about that? It’s the Complete King’s X studio series. You want me to leave out the ones I didn’t like just so you don’t have to read them? Get over yourself.
Coming soon to mikeladano.com: Only sunny, positive reviews about music that kicks “fking ass”! Looking forward to my forthcoming series of Def Leppard deep dives? F’get about it! Only 4/5 and 5/5 star writeups from now on. Reviews so positive that they could have been a toothpaste commercial. That’s the future. Fuck honesty. Write anything even remotely critical and you’ll get shithawks like D-Funk dropping turds all over your pages.
Listen to the song, read my review, and tell me if I was being harsh.
It’s so rare that you see anything other than the English alphabet in search terms. This one translates as “buy bootlegs deep purple on cd” but sadly none of my music is for sale. I’m just blown away that Googling it led to my site. As for the below….
home urinals?
I’m not surprised that Googling this leadstome. At all.
If former Journey singer Steve Augeri has shirtless photos out there, they are not to be found here.
quiet riot band sex tape
Again…not to be found here. Why would you want this? Even Kevin DuBrow didn’t want to see Kevin DuBrow naked.
is rogu roger son
It’s complicated but the simplest answer is “yes”. I’m just proud that this one led to me!
trailer park boys europe parents guide
thank santa’s tits tpb
Trailer Park Boys search terms always make me chuckle. A “parents guide”?? Oh my God, somebody out there thinks there is a parents’ guide! As for “Thank Santa’s tits”, that’s one of Ricky’s memorable quotes from the show.
And finally, my favourite search term:
superbad the singer jimmys brother actor
That would be Michael Cera, who performed the greatest version of “These Eyes” ever sung by anyone. You remember. My brother drove all the way from Scottsdale Arizona to be here tonight, and you’re not gonna sing for him? You sing, and sing good!
On July 20, for what would have been his birthday, an unreleased Chris Cornell track hit the airwaves. It was a version of Guns N’ Roses’ “Patience”. Reaction was mixed. Mrs. LeBrain likes it, while I do not.
When the local radio station played it and asked for feedback, listeners offered a range of opinions. “Voice is annoying,” said Ernie. Sarah thought the track was “Beautiful”. “Don’t care for it,” commented Stacy while Ron found his voice “haunting”. Meanwhile Steve said it wasn’t as good as his cover of “Nothing Compares 2 U”.
My comment was simple. “I didn’t play the whole thing. Just enough to know why it was unreleased.” Apparently I must have triggered Chris (who I’ve never seen or spoken to before in my life), even more than the guy who called Cornell’s voice “annoying”. Check out the exchange below.
I’m trying to get better at taking compliments. Hey, I’m the be all end all now! Take that, internet.
Happy Friday! WTF Search Terms are those weird words that you typed into a search engine to get here. No overall theme this time, just a collection of shit that is: A) weird stuff to google, and B) amusing that it led people here. Please enjoy!
alien yoi hold i’ll fuck it. bon jovi slippery when
Yes that’s all one search term. I actually have no commentary on this!
julian “chicken skin” trailer park
trailer park boys remake rush music video
This one I can explain! The second inclusion isn’t really a “WTF”, but it does help explain the first one. Trailer Park Boys’ Live in Dublin special featured them attempting to remake “Closer to the Heart” by Rush. In order to replicate Neil Peart’s fu manchu moustache, Julian taped a piece of chicken skin to his chin.
tell me your favorite video game or i’ll eat your soul
That’s a tad harsh. I assume the “I’ll eat your soul” part matched to a Tencious D lyric from the song “Tribute”. Oh, and Super Mario 3.
An old classic, the Boobsy Animation Whores (wearing glasses acquire screwed hardcore) have been getting hits here since day one. They’ve made the WTF list so many times that my site is now associated with them. Go me?
WTF SEARCH TERMS XLIII: More Sexy than Sexy edition
It’s Friday so it’s time for some funny.
WTF Search Terms are those weird words that you typed into a search engine to get here. Most of the time, people were searching for sex. From penis pumps to the genitalia of the lead singer of Queen, here are the latest and greatest WTFs!
swedish penis pump for sail
austin powers enlarge your penis
When I wrote Record Store Tales Part 266, about a novelty “penis pump” that I was given by co-workers, I never expected the hits to keep rolling in. And…”sail”?
WTF SEARCH TERMS XLII: Snake the Tattoo Man edition
It has been six months since the last WTF Search Terms, and in that time, search terms have been dominated by the one and only Snake the Tattoo Man.
Snake is a character I encountered back in the Record Store days, as recounted in Record Store Tales Part 118: Famous Persons. There are three main things Snake is known for:
Getting over 90% of his body tattooed.
Being a guest on the Phil Donahue show because of discrimination against his tattoos.
Subsequently starring in the Helix music video for “Running Wild in the 21st Century”.
People have been doing as lot of searching for Snake in 2019. They don’t always get the video right (Helix), or the TV show (Donahue) or the city (London). But they sure do wanna do see the Snake! I’ve highlighted some of the funniest mistakes.
aerosmith video featuring snake tattoo man
bill also known as snake lots of tattoos from st thomas ont that was in a movie and on montel show around 1991-2000
pictures of a guy named snake in london ontario with tatoos
pictures of snake the tattoo man london ontario
image of snake the tattoed man from london on
snake london ontario
snake london ontario tattoo
snake tatto man
snake the tatto man
snake from london ontario
snake man covered in tattoos
london ontario snake guy
brantford man named bill fully tattooed
snake’s first claim to fame was appearing on the phil donahue show
helix what was snake mans tattoos real name he is from london ont
phil donahue with snake man tattoo guy london ont
Learn more about Snake in the MuchMusic interview below, taken from my personal collection!
You gotta give Max [not The Axe, as far as we know] credit for this scorcher. We don’t agree on Prisoners in Paradise by Europe, and that’s OK. I was harsh on the album so Max was harsh on me.
I don’t know what the fuck this reviewer got stuck in his ears; a dead cat!?
Good one for sure. Max goes on:
He complains about some songs being “pop” songs. Well what the fuck do you think this band is, Metallica??
Of course not, Max. But have you heard of this album called Europe, by the band Europe? Not a pop record, bud. Not a pop record.
I don’t care. I like ’em.
That’s cool Max. I like ’em too. Cool yer jets, bro!
All I ever wanted to do is write rock reviews! But I can’t anymore, because I’ve been “Disqualified Forever” by “WASPfan”…at least as far as Motley Crue goes. This is a real shame since I haven’t reviewed Dr. Feelgood yet. I guess now I never will?
What got me disqualified? My review of Motley Crue’s awesome 1994 album with John Corabi. WASPfan prefers Vince Neil’s solo debut Exposed, which is fine since it’s also a great album. My scores for both are only half a star apart. Read on!
You have got to be kidding me! Vince Neil/Exposed was a much better album than Motley Crue/Motley Crue. I’ve owned this album for 20 years and have yet to be able to get through it in one listen. Is there some good music, yes. But you can almost hear the impersonation of Vince Neil the way certain songs are sung.
Dude, Vince Neil couldn’t sing the way Corabi sings on Motley Crue if he had a voice transplant. There is simply no comparison between the two singers, at all. Apples and oranges!
I have always thought the Crue should re-record this with Vince on vocals, just to show people what could have been. Motley Crue thought they could pull a Van Halen, and the fact is they couldn’t. They got a singer who’s defining moment in Metal History will be failing at replacing Vince Neil, and this comes from someone who owned, and loved, The Scream album before Corabi ever joined the Crue.
Hey man, be nice. Corabi was also in Ratt.
If Corabi had “it” he wouldn’t be on tour right now with the gimic [sic] of singing the Motley Crue/Motley Crue album from start to finish. He’d be headlining in his own band, singing his own songs. This album, while good musically, barely rates 3 out of 5 stars. To put Theatre of Pain and Girls, Girls, Girls below this album should disqualify your opinion on all things Motley now and forever.
Now that I have been disqualified, I plan on taking up a new hobby. Visit me here for all the latest on nude cycling, coming soon!
WTF SEARCH TERMS XLI: Another Guest Thussy edition
Thussy here again, with another instalment of WTF Search Terms. We’ve got a mixed bag of crap people type in and somehow wound up on Lebrain’s blog. So in no particular order, here is my top 10.
1. kiss ladano hotter
I wouldn’t want to kiss Lebrain. He does have a hot sister though.
2. english lebrain sex story
I don’t want to know any of Lebrain’s sex stories.
3. calf suck dick
I’ve bottle fed calves. They bite your fingers hard when you’re feeding them. I would suggest keeping your dick far away from them unless you want a cheap sex change.
4. 60 year olds men
Yes Lebrain looks like a 60 year old man.
5. i would like to hear a song on the cults weapon of choice album
Good for you if you want to read a review on the album you’re in the right place. If you want to hear it go to your local record store and purchase the album. That is the best way to listen to it.
6. snake game for 5.1version
How in the hell does this get them to Lebrain’s blog?
7. turn into pump
See above. On top of that what the hell are you looking for?
8. presinor in paradies song
Webster’s dictionary is available on the app store, download it… use it… love it… spell better.
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