Welcome back to WTF! Click here if you missed the last one. This edition collects some musical Google searches that somehow led people here to this blog. Enjoy these head-scratchers and WTFs!
This first guy’s obviously an idiot.
10. steve morse sucks
9.is paul stanley loosoing his voice?
8.i wouldl like to hear mob rules (why, how polite!)
7.life+it+up+kiss
6.black sabbath paranoid deluxe edition where is the 3 disc (right there.)
5.phrase from what tv show – it’s the final countdown!! (Arrested Development.)
4.puff daddy’s embarring habit
3.new kids on the block poster greatest hits
2.real elvis videos tumblr hornny holes
And this week’s winner:
1.marilyn manson with butt plug
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FAITH NO MORE – “Everything’s Ruined” (1992 Slash, 2 discs sold separately)
A short while ago I reviewed the landmark Faith No More album, Angel Dust. This is one of four singles (that I know of, anyway) lifted from that album. It’s a great tune, and if I may quote my own review, I said “I’m sure it was chosen [as a single] because it is a solid mix of aggressive rapping with a memorable soul-influenced chorus. While it doesn’t sound like it would have been on The Real Thing, it’s about as close as Angel Dust gets.” The chorus is definitely a winner, and this is a Faith No More song more likely to appeal to non-fans.
There are live B-sides a’plenty, all recorded in September 1992. Disc 1 (sold separately but containing room for disc 2) has “Edge of the World”, from The Real Thing, and the bizarre “R.V.”, from Angel Dust. “Edge of the World” is where Faith No More have the audience sing along, to Patton yelling “Fuck me harder!” The trailer-trash-talk of “R.V.” sounds a little too laid back live, something’s missing. I’m sure it would be much better with the full visuals of a Mike Patton performance.
Disc 2 has a couple more newbies: “MidLife Crisis” and “Land of Sunshine” live. These two performances stand out. Patton’s even more unhinged on the live versions. “MidLife Crisis” in particular is an exceptional version. Regardless, officially released live Faith No More is rare indeed. Collectors would be advised to put these two singles fairly high on their priority lists.
A new original TV show was starting to make waves in Canada. I hadn’t caught wind of it yet — I didn’t have cable back then — but our destinies would soon intertwine. The catalyst was my old childhood and highschool friend, Scott.
Scott remembers the story much like I do. He used to come into my store every Wednesday to visit and check out new arrivals. He had just become addicted to this new TV show in question, and was spreading the word. According to Scott:
“I was trying to get everybody into that show…90% success rate by the way.”
That doesn’t surprise me at all. Because when you’re talking about a show as Canadian, as original, and as funny as Trailer Park Boys, the series sells itself. Scott figured I would be an easy convert. “I just knew you were a Rush fan,” he tells me. It was the Rush connection that initially caught my attention.
Scott was talking to me at the front counter. “Have you heard of Trailer Park Boys?” he asked me that day. I hadn’t. “It’s hilarious,” Scott continued. “You have to see this guy Bubbles. In the best episode, he meets Alex Lifeson from Rush. He gets to go on stage with Rush, play guitar with Alex, and everything. He’s actually a pretty good musician.”
Going into more detail, Scott explained: “Do you remember that band, Sandbox?” I did. “Bubbles is played by a guy from that band. He’s got these big thick glasses, always swearing…Bubbles is the best!”
I had seen Sandbox eight years earlier, opening for Barenaked Ladies actually. I was really impressed by their show and their single “Curious”, so I picked up their album. In fact I think their ambitious second album, 1997’s A Murder in the Glee Club, is among the finest albums our country has to offer. Their lead vocalist was a guy named Paul Murray, nephew of Anne.
Wanna see what Bubbles would look like with a shaved head? Watch this.
So I was in. As soon as the first box set came into inventory, I bought it, without seeing a single episode. Dandy ratted me out for buying two DVDs in one week (which was against the rules at the time), but once I got the discs home, I put on the first season. I was hooked by the second episode.
Now that the boys are coming back for an 8th season on SwearNet, it’s never too late to get yourself hooked on this incredible show. After all, if Axl Rose, Sebastian Bach, and Alex Lifeson are all fans, aren’t you curious what you’re missing?
See Guns N’ Roses play “Liquor and Whores” with Bubbles on vocals & guitar
Liquor and whores Liquor and whores Cigarettes and dope and mustard and bologna Liquor and whores
I went down Drinkin’ at the legion I met a girl she was nice She was pretty and pleasing
She said “Hey boy We should do some marrying” I said sure but before we do There’s something that you should know
I like Liquor and whores Liquor and whores Cigarettes and dope and mustard and bologna Liquor and whores…
Then one night down at the legion She walked in, I was drunk on gin Dancin with a lady friend She said hey boy, You’d better fly the fuck home I said no cause five little words I coulda Swore I said to you
I like Liquor and whores Liquor and whores Cigarettes and dope and mustard and bologna Liquor and whores…
LOOK! It’s Rock and Roll! I’m gonna review all of Ace Frehley’s solo albums. Welcome to the series! For Ace’s 1978 solo album, click here! This review goes out to MARKO FOX! Thanks for inspiring this idea. And happy birthday to ANTON FIG!
“Rock Soldiers come, and Rock Soldiers go. Some hear the drum, and some never know. Hey, Rock Soliders, how do we know? ACE is back and he told you so!”
It’s very daunting for me to review this. My sister bought this album for me, for my birthday, in July 1987. I had been a Kiss fan for a few years, and immediately liked Ace best. Yet he’d been quiet for so long. I didn’t even know what he looked like. Then, the powerful video for “Into the Night” premiered on Much, and I knew right away. I absolutely needed the album.
Frehley’s Comet is the debut release by Ace Frehley’s new band. He had quite a band, too. Singer / guitarist / keyboardist Tod Howarth had a really powerful, commercial voice and added keyboards to the mix, which was an edge in the late 80’s. Meanwhile, on drums, was Anton Fig. Veteran of at least three Kiss releases (Ace’s 1978 solo album, Dynasty, and Unmasked), there’s a reason David Letterman refers to Anton as “Buddy Rich Jr.” Having Anton in the band was a serious coup. On bass was John Regan, who proved to be a the only member to stick around for all of the 80’s.
“Rock Soldiers” was a great opening track. Ace is back and he told you so? Yeah! This stomping anthem is the tale of Ace’s own carnage. “And the devil sat in the passenger’s side of DeLorean’s automobile.” And later, “When I think of how my life was spared from that near-fatal wreck, if the Devil wants to play his card game now, he’s gonna play without an ACE in his deck!” How could Me 1987 not have loved this song? It had a killer singalong chorus and was released as a single.
“Breakout” is interesting because the riff was written by Eric Carr, Ace’s old Kiss bandmate. “Breakout” is in fact “Carr Jam ’81”, the song written at the time of The Elder. Kiss never used it, so Ace did. Tod sings lead on this one, and Anton plays his own drum solo where Eric once did. Ace then turns in a friggin’ classic Frehley solo.
“Into the Night” is a Russ Ballard song, which surprised me, as I always felt that the lyrics fit Ace’s New York background like a glove. It’s a mid-tempo rocker, and as first single, it was the first song that I heard. Today, it still sounds dramatic and cool.
“Something Moved” is another heavy rocker, written and sung by Tod. It’s similar in vibe to “Breakout”, and I really like when it goes into what I call the “Stryper riff” at the 2 minute mark, right after Ace’s solo. Side one ended with “We Got Your Rock”, a sleezy one about groupie with a backstage pass. To be honest, this one disappointed me back then. I still find the lyrics to be pretty bad. Ace co-wrote this one, hopefully not the lyrics, because the music’s decent enough. If it were a Kiss song, it would be one of those Gene Simmons monster tunes.
Thankfully, side two starts on a better note. “Love Me Right” is an Ace song, with a hard, solid riff and beat. Yet it’s Tod’s “Calling To You” that is the gem of the album. It’s a nice hard rocking commercial song with a scorching lead vocal. The chorus is killer, and I couldn’t understand why this wasn’t the biggest hit of 1987 back then. Sounds like a dual guitar solo too, with Tod taking the first solo and Ace finishing ‘er off.
The weirdest song is, without a doubt, “Dolls”. Ace wrote this one completely by himself, words and music, and I have no idea what the hell he’s singing about. I don’t think I want to know. Anyway, musically it’s a bright pop rock number, based on the keyboards. “Stranger In A Strange Land” is back in riff rock territory. The chorus sounds great, with Tod and Ace singing together.
The album closes with “Fractured Too”, an instrumental sequel to “Fractured Mirror” from Ace Frehley. It’s not quite as good as the first “Fractured”, but it has stood the test of time. It’s this kind of music that Ace doesn’t always get recognized for, but his layers of shimmering guitars are very cool.
I wish the lyrics on Frehley’s Comet were better. At least the music smokes!
From the snowy shores of Vancouver British Columbia came Jon Mikl Thor, cult favourite and man of remarkable physique! Keep the Dogs Away is his second album, but the first to be billed simply as Thor. (Prior to this, they were Thor and the Imps.) It’s corny, cheesy, not too serious and occasionally fun. According to Wikipedia, this thing even went gold!
I’ve certainly loved the title track for as long as I can remember. I used to see this guy Thor on MuchMusic all the time. Usually he’d be bending a steel bar in his mouth. Sometimes, he’d blow up a hot water bottle with nothing but lung power. In one mid-80’s Power Hour interview, I distinctly recall him explaining that he was wearing spikes before Motley Crue were (true) and that his spikes were bigger (also true). That’s the level we’re at here, just so you have an idea. Thor is now a B-movie thespian, and I remember seeing bits of one of his films, Rock ‘n’ Roll Nightmare (1987) on TV.
There’s nothing exceptional here in terms of vocals, musicianship or songwriting, but the tunes are entertaining enough. You’ll find yourself able to sing along to “Sleeping Giant” and “Catch a Tiger”, with its simple “Yeah you know!” refrain. “Catch a Tiger” distantly resembles Rising-era Rainbow.
“I’m So Proud” is just rock and roll, kinda lite and reminiscent perhaps of the lesser Gene Simmons’ solo album material. Thor wouldn’t be influenced by Kiss just a little, would he? “Tell Me Lies” might be Thor aping Alice Cooper. I’m sure Alice was an influence on young Jon Mikl.
Side two commences with the cascading piano of the pompous but fun “Military Matters”. What Thor does here cannot really be strictly called singing, but he sure is bellowing! “Superhero” is comically bad, but…I seem to find myself humming along. Is it the basic simplicity? “Wasted” is of similar quality, although Thor’s not even trying to sing at this point. “Rosie” isn’t much better, and then the album closes on “Thunder”, a resounding thud of mediocrity.
I don’t regret the $10 that I spent on this. I’d wanted “Keeps the Dogs Away” (the song) for a long time and now I have it on a physical product. As far as I’m concerned, I have all the Thor I need now.
1/5 stars. But almost in that “so bad it’s good” category.
Kids – do not crack your neck. Don’t do it. I know it feels good. Just don’t. I know the feeling, the release of pressure. The sudden relaxation of the nearby muscles. The temporary but instant relief from pain.
I used to crack my neck, apparently a bit too much, and by early 1996 it had caught up with me. I was about to go out for lunch at Casey’s with an ex-girlfriend of mine. We’d started to hang out again. I thought there might be a chance of getting back together, so I was looking forward to it.
I was toweling dry my hair, perhaps applying a bit too much force on one side, when suddenly: snap. Something hurt. Something hurt a lot. I collapsed to the ground, cradling my suddenly-too-heavy head in my hands. I’d experienced neck pain before (which started me on cracking it in the first place), but nothing like this! I was completely immobile. I sat like that, in pain holding my head in my hands, for 15 minutes. Finally I was able to find a comfortable way to stand up.
I took some Aspirin, and collapsed again in the stairway. I literally could not take both hands off my head without being in extreme pain. I had to be holding my head with at least one hand at all times. I considered cancelling the date with the ex, but quickly dismissed that option. The perceived opportunity for pity outweighed the physical pain. Now all I had to do was figure out how to put on my boots.
The ex arrived to pick me up, and she advised me to see a doctor. Nahh! I said. I took an Aspirin. Doctor Schmockter. I did know that, feeling the way I did, there was no way I was going to put able to pull a 4 hour shift at the record store that night. All that bending over and filing…one handed? No. Even though I was very proud of my perfect attendance record (no sick days in almost 2 years, a milestone I wanted to reach), I had to call in sick. I felt the pain of my now tarnished sick record.
We sat down at Casey’s, and I stupidly ordered French onion soup. Only when the dish arrived did I realize how hard it was to get the spoon all the way to my mouth without leaning. Leaning equaled pain, but by moving slowly and steadily, I gradually ate the soup.
I had a heavy scarf around my neck, and the warm soup going down my throat felt great too. Plus, the painkillers were kicking in. My mood brightened by the time my chicken arrived. When I had finished that, my sore neck muscles began to loosen up. I was regaining some mobility. Plus, the lunch was going splendidly! Conversation was brisk and good humoured.
“You know what,” I said to the ex, “I think I’m going to work after all.”
“Are you sure?” she queried. “Your neck looks really stiff.”
“It is,” I replied. “But it’s Wednesday. It’s a slow night. New stock arrived yesterday, Trevor would have finished stocking everything. I’ll be OK.” Plus, I was digging the new Extreme and wanted to hear it again.
Mike Mangini on drums
I excused myself to go to a pay phone and call the store.
“Hey man, it’s Mike,” I said when my boss answered. “Have you got anybody to fill my shift yet? Because I can do it. I feel alot better.” He told me that he was just going to work straight through. I assured him I was OK, and I got the ex to drop me off at the store.
I walked in, head cocked at an awkward angle, wearing a silly scarf. My boss was with a customer but he glanced at me, noting my odd posture. As soon as he was done with the customer, he turned to me.
“Oh, Mike…how in the heck did you do that again?”
Slightly embarrassed I answered, “Drying my hair.”
“You did THAT drying your hair?” he cried.
“Yeah,” I said sheepishly. “Does it look bad? Can you tell?”
“Can you tell?” he replied. “It’s as obvious as the nose on your face!”
Oh man. Oh man. I didn’t realize how comical I looked. Sure enough, several customers asked about my strange posture. And all of them had the same question:
“How in the heck did you do that?”
Drying my hair! Now leave me alone about it!!
Unfortunately this was merely the first of many such episodes. A high price to pay, for the temporary relief of cracking your neck. I should have just said it was whiplash from banging my head too much.
All of these are search terms that people typed into Google, and wound up on my site. Today the theme is “bodily functions”. If you missed the last one, be sure to click here!
“peeing” rowboat
shiting on top of a shit
shit into hand while in shower
poo
guy pissing in doorway
boy holding poop in
poo pictures
poo in the door way
poop in the shower post
when to wash your hands pinterest
“When to wash your hands”? Definitely after all of that!
I couldn’t figure out a music video to put with this, so let’s go with “TV Dinners” by ZZ Top, since that often will cause you to need to perform search term #4.
TENACIOUS D in THE PICK OF DESTINY(2007 Alliance Atlantis, Best Buy exclusive 2 DVD set)
Starring Jack Black and Kyle Gass, directed by Liam Lynch
I shudder to think what some poor soul who liked Jack Black in The Holiday would think if they gave this one a try. This is for one, and only one, group of people: the rabid, dedicated fans of Jack Black & Kyle Gass as Tenacious D.
The titular Pick of Destiny is a guitar pick, made centuries ago, out of the tooth of Satanus (that’s Latin, for Satan) himself. Since then it has been seen in the hands of Angus Young, Jimmy Page, Eddie Van Halen, and many more. This bequeathed upon them their amazing guitar-shredding abilities. The only way that JB and KG can pay the rent would be to win the talent contest, and the only way to do that would be to play the greatest song ever written…with the Pick.
Ben Stiller informs them that the Pick is located, under heavy security, in the Rock N’ Roll History Museum. Tim Robbins tips them off about the deadly laser grid guarding it. Undaunted, our heroes still quest after the Pick, even when Dave Grohl as Satanus himself comes to reclaim what is his.
There’s a whole lotta drug use (hey, it’s Jack Black), so make sure your kids don’t see this. Hell, the very first sequence before the the movie even begins is a cartoon about lighting up a joint, eating a burrito, and farting. Just so you know what kind of film you’re looking at here.
I’ve been a huge D fan, and I love this movie. My friends love this movie. This is a party movie. The best time I ever had watching this movie was at a party.
The Demon Code prevents me from declining a Rock-off challenge
The new original Tenacious D soundtrack is remarkable in both quality of the songwriting and lyrics. The performances are equally impressive. “Beelzeboss” and “Kickapoo” are two personal favourites. Dave Grohl, Meat Loaf, and Ronnie James Dio all contribute guest vocals in their own signature styles. In a weird way, The Pick Of Destiny is actually a musical.
The movie was also available with a limited edition Best Buy bonus disc, if you can find it. The second disc is over an hour long, and contains 17 extended and deleted scenes. You’ll see a slightly longer version of the Neil Hamburger cameo, and a lot of alternate takes and bloopers. Best of all are the “Hell O’Clock News” segments. These were originally web-shorts that were done to promote the making of the film (in Hell, apparently). Each one features Jack, Kyle, or director Liam Lynch, in funny (ridiculous) skits. Very watchable, and more importantly, re-watchable. I assure you that buying the 2 DVD version is your wisest course of action.
Happy long weekend, Canada! Here’s a bonafide Canadian content bonus review for ya! Party on. KIM MITCHELL – Fill Your Head With Rock – Greatest Hits (2005 Sweden Rock CD/DVD set)
If you’re gonna buy this, you’re gonna buy this for the DVD, not the CD. There’s so little live Mitchell material out there, and it’s somewhat surprising that this great nugget of a live show (1989 Rockland tour) came out as part of a weird Swedish greatest hits set. Included on the CD is a new song written for the Sweden Rock Festival called “Fill Your Head With Rock”. It was later included on Mitchell’s studio album Ain’t Life Amazing, rendering this CD obsolete. Since the CD is little more than an extra to me, I’ll start by reviewing the included live DVD.
What kind of solo artist opens his show with five minutes of drum solos before taking the stage himself? I can only think of one: Kim Mitchell.
This live DVD, recorded in 1989 at the Kee to Bala opens exactly that way. Astoundingly, it’s a triple drum solo! Three drum kits, from left to right, keyboardist Greg Wells, drummer Lou Milano, and bassist Peter Fredette! The stage is so crowded that Wells is hidden behind Mitchell’s amplifiers! And the party-ready crowd loved it. When Mitchell entered the stage at the start of “That’s the Hold”, they were already in the palm of his hand. Mitchell sports his neon pink baseball hat, a duplicate of which I owned at the same time! Mitchell’s guitar solo is extended and suitably gonzo.
A really bad edit goes into the single “Rocklandwonderland”, opened with yet another solo, this time on keyboards. Keep in mind this is a radio-friendly commercial rock artist that appealed to old-school prog rock fans, but also every beer-slurping hoser in the 1980’s. To their credit the audience seems to be digging every note. But then again, this is no band of slouches. “Rocklandwonderland” was a huge hit in Canada. If the studio version is a little too light on guitar, Mitchell compensates live.
One of the more rocking new songs is next, “The Crossroads”, and no it’s not a blues. While there’s no argument it’s a party atmosphere (beach balls passed around), it’s also an extravaganza of Mitchell’s always classy guitar. Fredette is suitably solid yet goofy at the same time, and backing Kim up on vocals with range to spare. In my opinion, Peter Fredette has always been the secret weapon of this band.
“Crossroads” merges into the ballad “Lost Lovers Found”, not one of Mitchell’s best songs. His vocal range on the chorus is still remarkable, and the duo of Wells and Fredette harmonize with just a hint of twang. Once again the highlight is Kim’s soulful, brilliant guitar solo. Yet all of this pales to the majesty of “Battle Scar”. The three drum kits return for this Max Webster/Rush classic. Fredette easily handles Geddy’s powerful vocal part. “Battle Scar” remains one of Mitchell’s greatest compositions, heavy and relentless.
Another of Kim’s greatest, “All We All”, easily follows “Battle Scar”. Once again, the solos are brilliant, as is Fredette’s lead vocal. The Akimbo Alogo classic “That’s A Man” is a smooth showcase of Kim’s bluesier playing, on top of a cool ZZ Top style rock song. Beers are hoisted into the air. Fredette switches to guitar to accompany Mitchell on the lead solo, and several mustachioed audience members play air guitar. One bearded man even attempts the air-drums.
“O Mercy Louise” isn’t exactly a standout, but the poodle-haired girls in the audience seem to like to bob and dance to it. The whole room seems to sing along to the gleeful country of “Easy to Tame”. Same story with the summer classic “Patio Lanterns”. It’s nothing but the hits from here in, “Go For Soda” and “Rock N Roll Duty” inspiring plenty of sing-alongs.
As for the CD, I’m not sure if I follow the logic of its track selection. While many of the biggest hits are included (“Rock N Roll Duty”, “I Am A Wild Party”, “Get Lucky”, “Go For Soda”), many are not. Some of Kim’s best later material is included, such as “Kimosabe”, “World’s Such A Wonder” and “Find the Will”. Even though the album concentrates on later Mitchell material, I’m baffled by the lack of inclusion of singles such as “America” and “Acrimony”.
There are, among the later songs, a lot of good tunes worth a revisit. “Human Condition” is a grinding blues rocker, and “Wonder Where & Why” smokes from start to finish. I think “Big Smoke” is one of the better tunes from the Aural Fixations album, an often overlooked record.
Of course we have to talk about the “new” song, “Fill Your Head With Rock”. It’s very much in the mold of the later Kim Mitchell material included. It’s hard, with a gritty guitar riff and slippery solos. It won’t go down in history as a classic, but it’s a workmanlike Kim Mitchell rocker. A year or two later, Helix wrote their own song called “Fill Your Head With Rock” for the Sweden Rock festival as well!
With Amazon.ca asking an absolutely ridiculous $124.75 right now, I would say snag this one if you find it used.
The titular Pick of Destiny is a guitar pick, made centuries ago, out of the tooth of Satanus (that’s Latin, for Satan) himself. Since then it has been seen in the hands of Angus Young, Jimmy Page, Eddie Van Halen, and many more. This bequeathed upon them their amazing guitar-shredding abilities. The only way that JB and KG can pay the rent would be to win the talent contest, and the only way to do that would be to play the greatest song ever written…with the Pick.
mikeladano.com 