This week’s episode of South Park “Ginger Cow”
comedy
REVIEW: PelleK – The Fox (Power Metal version)
By request of Kyle “the Rock” Darrock.
PELLE K – “The Fox” (Power Metal version, 2013)
I never would have heard the original version of this song (by Norwegian comedy duo Ylvis), if Craig Fee didn’t subject his listeners to it one afternoon. I’d never heard of PelleK before seeing this video of his cover. I know that he’s a Norwegian metal singer with a fantastic Justin-Hawkins-wide range. I’ve seen numerous YouTube videos, of PelleK covering a wide variety of songs. I guess when Ylvis went viral with their irritating but amusing video for “The Fox”, PelleK decided to take a shot at it, too.
Power metal style, of course!
I can’t help it, I’m addicted to PelleK’s take on this annoying novelty track! I don’t think I’d be exaggerating if I said that this has been played on somebody’s phone at least a dozen times during our lunch hour at work since it came out! “The Fox” works as a “power metal” version! Egad! And PelleK’s incredible pipes lend themselves to some hilarious interpretations of what the Fox does indeed say. I’m surprised how much I like the heavy guitars and drums on “The Fox”. I might have to play this in the car, windows down, down on King Street to piss the rapper kids off.
Even if that’s the best thing to come from PelleK’s version of “The Fox”, then it’s still worth:
6/5 stars
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Part 229: Silent Knight
RECORD STORE TALES Part 229: Silent Knight
In a previous chapter, I talked about my early online musical presence in 1994. Before creating the Record Store’s original online ads, I also got an early start to writing reviews. The early reviews weren’t very good, but I definitely tried. Unfortunately back then, there wasn’t much of an online audience for reading reviews of rare Motley Crue EPs!
I did make contact with a few other music fans and collectors in the area. One guy went by the online handle of “Silent Knight”, named after the classic 1980 Saga album. He seemed like a nice enough guy, although I soon learned that first impressions can be deceiving. He had a party at his house that I went to, and it was cool. I overlooked the fact that he was in his 30’s living in his parents’ house. I also overlooked his absolutely massive collection of porno videos. If I recall correct (and I think I do because the subject came up), the VHS tapes adorned one whole wall of their living room. Turns out Silent Knight was not just into watching, but also into making.
You can trust me when I say I was more interested in his record collection. He had a great batch of rarities, including some that I wanted. He invited me over for a recording session, where he taped me the classic Brian May & Friends EP, Star Fleet Project. He had this crazy blank tape with a metal shell. I don’t know what the tape was that I used anymore, but the tape that I chose was shite and the recording was almost unlistenable. However, I also recorded from him some Glass Tiger B-sides for my sister, Black Sabbath’s Seventh Star, and the immortal “Rodeo Song” by Showdown.
Silent Knight and I had a falling out after that. He made some antisemetic comments. I don’t know if he was serious or just trying to get a reaction. I decided to cut him loose, as I didn’t need that kind of negative personality in my circle of friends. Good thing I did. Turns out the guy was a total creep. I know, the guy with the wall of porn VHS tapes was a creep? Who could have predicted that?
Months and months later, some time in ’95, I started getting emails from somebody else new to the online world, but having learned my lesson I kept my distance. Later he asked me an odd question. “Hey, I heard you totally called the cops on somebody else that posts on these boards! That’s cool man! Who was it?”
I told him that he must have me confused with somebody else. Then he revealed himself to be none other than Silent Knight under another handle! Apparently, someone had called the cops on him regarding his Wall O’ Porn. I don’t know any details about what he had in the Wall O’ Porn (I really was not interested in checking out somebody’s porn collection) so I have no idea for what reason the cops would have been called, or by whom. He said I was his only “enemy” who had seen his collection, therefore I was his number one suspect for ratting him out to the cops. He was trying to get me to confess with his fake account. The funny thing is, even after he failed (since he had the wrong guy) he still thought it was me.
After I got over his baffling behaviour, my fury set in. I told him to leave me alone or someone would definitely be calling the cops. I blocked him on every email I had and never heard from him again.
And just a few weeks ago, I finally got a proper listenable copy of Star Fleet Project on vinyl. Suck on it, Silent Knight!
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VIDEO: Mike and Aaron Return to Toronto
Making these videos is a lot of work (a lot more than it looks like, thank you Winblows*) but it’s a labor of love.
Aaron and I did very well on Toronto Record Store Excursion 2013. We used modern technology, such as smartphones and GPS, to maximize our time. The weather was gorgeous (absolutely perfect) the whole day, and boy, did we buy a lot of music.
If you wanna check out the 2012 Record Store Excursion vid, click here. If not, enjoy this year’s videos embedded below (two parts)!
PART 1
PART 2
* Need to move on from Windows Movie Maker. Its glitchiness made this way too hard.
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Gallery: Toronto Record Store Excursion 2013 teaser
Not quite a year ago, Aaron and I went to Toronto to splurge on music. Today I have returned from what is hoped to be a regular occurrence. I present to you, the spoils of war below. This is just a teaser. My goal is to edit together another documentary video like I did last year. This year I shot everything on my new BlackBerry Z10, which means I have to do some file conversion. With any luck I’ll be showing you all the details and fun soon. Until then, enjoy this teaser.!
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Part 226: Alarm!
RECORD STORE TALES Part 226: Alarm!
I remember growing up, my dad managed a bank. It happened periodically that the phone would ring in the middle of the night. It would be a security company telling my dad to get down to the bank, because there was an alarm. He’d get up, get dressed, and at like 3 am, head to the bank.
I knew when I became store manager of a record store, this could possibly happen to me too. Thankfully, it only happened once, and it was late-afternoon on a Sunday. But it was weird.
It was a sunny summer day, a couple hours after we closed at 5. When the phone rang and the security company was on the other end, I was ready to do whatever they needed me to do.
“We’ve had calls,” they said, “that people were walking in and out of your store. We need you to get down there and check out the situation.” That was a bit freaky, but the store was a mere 10 minutes away from my house. It didn’t take much for me to get there.
What I found when I got there was a locked door, and an undisturbed store. The alarm was still on, but not triggered. I checked the safe, the cash register, everything. It was quiet as a mouse. The only activity was another store in the plaza, doing an invite-only customer appreciation sale, but even they weren’t that busy.
I called the alarm company. I explained that there was zero activity here, and whoever called them must have been confused. I explained that another store in the same plaza was having a sale, and people were walking in and out of that store, but not mine. I went home.
Shortly after coming home, they called me again! They said their alarm system was showing an open door. I assured them that this was not the case. They asked me to go down there again, and I said I had just returned from there, and everything was fine. I wasn’t going back.
This went back and forth before they finally mentioned the street name. And guess what? It wasn’t the right address. It was in fact one of our franchisee’s stores, a totally different owner in a completely different city.
“Wait a second – you’ve called the wrong guy,” I said. “I don’t manage that store. I’m not even in that city.” I then gave them the name of the correct person they should have called.
“We have you down as the contact,” they said.
“Well that’s wrong and you have to change it,” I retorted.
“We’ll have to talk to your store owner to make any changes like that. In the meantime, can you call the correct person and let him know his store is showing an open door?”
I looked up the number, called and left a message with his grandmother, who relayed it to the franchisee. Good to know that alarm companies are on top of their game!
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Part 218: Liquor and Whores
RECORD STORE TALES Part 218: Liquor and Whores
The year: Early 2004.
A new original TV show was starting to make waves in Canada. I hadn’t caught wind of it yet — I didn’t have cable back then — but our destinies would soon intertwine. The catalyst was my old childhood and highschool friend, Scott.
Scott remembers the story much like I do. He used to come into my store every Wednesday to visit and check out new arrivals. He had just become addicted to this new TV show in question, and was spreading the word. According to Scott:
“I was trying to get everybody into that show…90% success rate by the way.”
That doesn’t surprise me at all. Because when you’re talking about a show as Canadian, as original, and as funny as Trailer Park Boys, the series sells itself. Scott figured I would be an easy convert. “I just knew you were a Rush fan,” he tells me. It was the Rush connection that initially caught my attention.
Scott was talking to me at the front counter. “Have you heard of Trailer Park Boys?” he asked me that day. I hadn’t. “It’s hilarious,” Scott continued. “You have to see this guy Bubbles. In the best episode, he meets Alex Lifeson from Rush. He gets to go on stage with Rush, play guitar with Alex, and everything. He’s actually a pretty good musician.”
Going into more detail, Scott explained: “Do you remember that band, Sandbox?” I did. “Bubbles is played by a guy from that band. He’s got these big thick glasses, always swearing…Bubbles is the best!”
I had seen Sandbox eight years earlier, opening for Barenaked Ladies actually. I was really impressed by their show and their single “Curious”, so I picked up their album. In fact I think their ambitious second album, 1997’s A Murder in the Glee Club, is among the finest albums our country has to offer. Their lead vocalist was a guy named Paul Murray, nephew of Anne.
Wanna see what Bubbles would look like with a shaved head? Watch this.
So I was in. As soon as the first box set came into inventory, I bought it, without seeing a single episode. Dandy ratted me out for buying two DVDs in one week (which was against the rules at the time), but once I got the discs home, I put on the first season. I was hooked by the second episode.
Now that the boys are coming back for an 8th season on SwearNet, it’s never too late to get yourself hooked on this incredible show. After all, if Axl Rose, Sebastian Bach, and Alex Lifeson are all fans, aren’t you curious what you’re missing?
See Guns N’ Roses play “Liquor and Whores” with Bubbles on vocals & guitar
Liquor and whores
Liquor and whores
Cigarettes and dope and mustard and bologna
Liquor and whores
I went down
Drinkin’ at the legion
I met a girl she was nice
She was pretty and pleasing
She said “Hey boy
We should do some marrying”
I said sure but before we do
There’s something that you should know
I like
Liquor and whores
Liquor and whores
Cigarettes and dope and mustard and bologna
Liquor and whores…
Then one night down at the legion
She walked in, I was drunk on gin
Dancin with a lady friend
She said hey boy, You’d better fly the fuck home
I said no cause five little words I coulda
Swore I said to you
I like
Liquor and whores
Liquor and whores
Cigarettes and dope and mustard and bologna
Liquor and whores…
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MOVIE REVIEW: Tenacious D in The Pick of Destiny (with bonus DVD)
TENACIOUS D in THE PICK OF DESTINY (2007 Alliance Atlantis, Best Buy exclusive 2 DVD set)
Starring Jack Black and Kyle Gass, directed by Liam Lynch
I shudder to think what some poor soul who liked Jack Black in The Holiday would think if they gave this one a try. This is for one, and only one, group of people: the rabid, dedicated fans of Jack Black & Kyle Gass as Tenacious D.
The titular Pick of Destiny is a guitar pick, made centuries ago, out of the tooth of Satanus (that’s Latin, for Satan) himself. Since then it has been seen in the hands of Angus Young, Jimmy Page, Eddie Van Halen, and many more. This bequeathed upon them their amazing guitar-shredding abilities. The only way that JB and KG can pay the rent would be to win the talent contest, and the only way to do that would be to play the greatest song ever written…with the Pick.
Ben Stiller informs them that the Pick is located, under heavy security, in the Rock N’ Roll History Museum. Tim Robbins tips them off about the deadly laser grid guarding it. Undaunted, our heroes still quest after the Pick, even when Dave Grohl as Satanus himself comes to reclaim what is his.
There’s a whole lotta drug use (hey, it’s Jack Black), so make sure your kids don’t see this. Hell, the very first sequence before the the movie even begins is a cartoon about lighting up a joint, eating a burrito, and farting. Just so you know what kind of film you’re looking at here.
I’ve been a huge D fan, and I love this movie. My friends love this movie. This is a party movie. The best time I ever had watching this movie was at a party.
The Demon Code prevents me from declining a Rock-off challenge
The new original Tenacious D soundtrack is remarkable in both quality of the songwriting and lyrics. The performances are equally impressive. “Beelzeboss” and “Kickapoo” are two personal favourites. Dave Grohl, Meat Loaf, and Ronnie James Dio all contribute guest vocals in their own signature styles. In a weird way, The Pick Of Destiny is actually a musical.
The movie was also available with a limited edition Best Buy bonus disc, if you can find it. The second disc is over an hour long, and contains 17 extended and deleted scenes. You’ll see a slightly longer version of the Neil Hamburger cameo, and a lot of alternate takes and bloopers. Best of all are the “Hell O’Clock News” segments. These were originally web-shorts that were done to promote the making of the film (in Hell, apparently). Each one features Jack, Kyle, or director Liam Lynch, in funny (ridiculous) skits. Very watchable, and more importantly, re-watchable. I assure you that buying the 2 DVD version is your wisest course of action.
5/5 stars
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REVIEW: Trailer Park Boys – The Movie (2006)
Are you a Tragically Hip fan? Then read on.
TRAILER PARK BOYS – The Movie (2006 Alliance Atlantis)
Directed by Mike Clattenburg
The story goes that Ivan Reitman, who produced Trailer Park Boys: The Movie (aka “The Big Dirty”), wanted to do a movie that would re-introduce the characters and target them to a new audience. He preferred the flavour of the earlier seasons and steered the movie in that direction. This is sort of a good and bad thing.
The movie is out of continuity with the TV series, unfortunately. There are characters and events in the movie that would never be referenced in the series. Lahey loses the roof of his car in both the movie and the TV series, but in different ways. You’ll notice Trinity is played by a different actress (Lydia Lawson-Baird), and her character is slightly different in tone as well.
Remember those movie trailers where the Boys are auditioning actors to play themselves? I think it’s best to think of this movie in that context: It’s the Boys playing themselves, in a movie based on themselves. Even though we’re talking about fictional characters in a mockumentary movie.
The plot: Ricky and Julian go to jail (again) and are about to be released (again). No fair! cries Ricky, who wants to play in the jail hockey tournament against the prison guards, captained by Donny. The rivalry between Ricky (a goalie) and Donny (Gerry Dee) result in a few classic exchanges:
Ricky – “Suck it, Donny.”
Donny – “You suck it. More.”
Ricky – “What kind of comeback was that? I said ‘suck it’ and you just added ‘more’ to it.”
Donny – “Because it’s more, you suck it more.”
Out of jail, Rick goes home to Sunnyvale trailer park, only to find that things have changed. Lucy’s got a new job. “An awesome new job,” according to Sarah. “She workin’ at Horton’s again?” asks Ricky. Nope, it’s not a coffee shop, it’s a “gentlemen’s club”. This “gentlemen’s club” is owned by Sonny (Hugh Dillon, of the Headstones), and he’s banging Lucy.
Julian, also out of jail, has an idea to get rich “without getting caught”: Do small crimes. Steal change! Ricky, on the other hand, has met a lot of really “smart” guys in jail, and they all say “the big dirty” is the way to go: one big crime, and you’re retired. The two ideas are combined and a plan is set in motion. Will Ricky still be able to play in the hockey tournament?
In addition to new characters like Sonny and Donny, look for cameos by Alex Lifeson (Rush) and Gordon Downie (The Tragically Hip). The soundtrack kicks ass, featuring Helix, April Wine, and lots of The Tragically Hip. I always think of this movie now when I hear the songs “Bobcaygeon” and “38 Years Old”. Hell, Julian even goes to see a movie called “The Dark Canuck” in the film.
I really enjoyed Trailer Park Boys: The Movie even if it’s not quite pure Trailer Park Boys. It sort of attempts to recapture what worked in the early seasons (you can tell by casting Trinity as a younger girl) and by and large, it works. Sonny works as a replacement antagonist, a role that Cyrus often filled on the show. All your favourite regulars such as Philadelphia Collins, Jacob Collins, and Officer George Green are here. Lahey is suitably drunk, and Randy as shirtless as ever.
This actually works pretty well as a way for newcomers to get into the show. It distills what worked best in the earlier years, into a two-hour package that stays funny and doesn’t wear out its welcome. Bonus features include the music video for “I Fought The Law” (featuring Geddy Lee and Alex Lifeson!), and lots of alternate takes.
5/5 stars. Two smokes, let’s go.
“I could easily fuck over 10 pieces of chicken”
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WTF SEARCH TERMS: 2 Wild LeBrains edition
Happy hump day. For this edition of WTF, I’ve collected 10 of the weirdest sexual phrases that, somehow, some way, Googled these people to me. Missed the last edition? Click here!
WTF Search Terms IV: 2 Wild LeBrains edition
- buttombass
- zebra girls black lesbian video
- 2 wild lebrains having sex
- porn go 69
- thussy peing
- hot leggs winkel goes
- girls in muddy leather pants
- alice piss leather pants
- pee open door video (9 hits from this guy??)
- And finally: gou.14.shemale.3.rat.t
See ya next time for more WTFs!
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