Sunday Chuckle will return next week. This Sunday, we remember the sacrifices made by those who served their countries. For me in particular, it’s my Grandfather and his brother who fought against the Nazis in World War II that I like to remember. As dark forces encircle the world today, let us not forget those currently serving who are keeping us free.
Here are our past stories regarding Remembrance Day, please give them a click and a read.
Thank you for reading these past six years. If you’re new and you like what you see, why not go back and check out the whole story from the beginning? It’s an epic tale of slinging the rock in Kitchener Ontario, from the front lines of a Record Store. 12 years in the trenches resulted in an older, wiser man with stories of legendary music, infamous parties, trials, Tribble-lations, retribution and vindication. It is the rise, fall, and resurrection of yours truly. And who am I? Just a guy with some great stories.
These are the Record Store Tales. Thank you for reading!
I thought it would be fun to re-post old chapters of Record Store Tales that you may have missed. Enjoy this Holly-Jolly re-post!
RECORD STORE TALES Part 255:‘Twas the Night Before Christmas
December 24th. One of our busiest days of the year. Not the busiest though – that would often fall on the last Saturday before Christmas, on the 23rd, or our annual Boxing Day sale on the 26th. Nearly two months of buildup and hard work, and it’s all over in what feels like a blink!
The 24th could sometimes be a fun day to work. Not all customers were your typical cranky shopper, although we certainly saw those too. Many of our Christmas Eve customers were simply killing time. Some were spending their Christmas money a little bit early. Some didn’t care what day it was, particularly those who came in to sell CDs for cash.
Yes, many people did come in to sell even on Christmas Eve. A few were looking for credit to buy gifts, some were just looking for money to buy a Christmas dime bag. Either way it was always a busy day, and we were kept moving on our feet. Many dollars exchanged hands on the 24th.
I recall Christmas music was in such demand that a few years I was left with 4 or 5 Christmas CDs left in stock. Often these would be the ones that always sat, year after year, unwanted, unsold. As a person who’s never liked Christmas music, I could never understand the NEED to have it, just to listen to it once a year. To me, that’s what the radio was for. But I wasn’t there to try to analyze the wants and desires of the people. My job was to sell them whatever crap we had left.
The 24th was a messy day. Usually you could count on snow getting tracked in on the carpets (which were only cleaned a few weeks prior – why??). Also, most customers could not seem to put discs back where they found them. This was a combination of poor shelf design, customers who didn’t give a shit, parents that don’t watch their children as they tear the store apart, and people who didn’t know the alphabet. Discs would be everywhere by the end of it all, scattered hither and yon, with no rhyme or reason as to why they were left there.
I always wore a suit and tie on Christmas Eve. This was a tradition begun by the boss and owner in the early 1990’s, but I was the only one who carried on this tradition. The first time we did the suits T-Rev said, “I like it, it makes me feel important!” People do treat you a little differently when you’re wearing a tie.
After all the rushes of customers died down, we’d start hanging the signs in preparation for the big Boxing Day sale on the 26th. Buy 3 Get 1 Free! Or something like that. Not good with any other special offers though, so people would have something to bitch about. “Why can’t you stamp my card too?” Etc. etc.
One year (’96 or ’97) after close at 6 pm, the boss told me to stay late and help him hang these signs. They were big banners for our Boxing Day sale. He climbed a ladder to clip these huge hanging signs from the ceiling. I was there on the floor in my tie trying to hold the sign aloft as he worked. Then he dropped a clip to the ground and we couldn’t see where it landed. And apparently we didn’t have any spares.
On hands and knees I searched and searched. We even got out a flashlight to try to find the damned thing. No luck! Meanwhile the clock ticked and ticked. 6:30. 6:45. 7:00. The parking lot outside was quickly resembling a frozen ghost town, as people raced home to begin their own festivities.
Just as I found the damn clip on the ground, the phone rang. Normally I wouldn’t answer the phone this late after close on Christmas Eve, but my boss answered, and it was my mom.
“When are you sending my son home to enjoy his Christmas Eve dinner with his family?” she chided.
“Oh I’m sorry Mrs. Ladano!” my boss responded. “We’re almost done. You’ll have him soon.”
I think if my mom hadn’t called, we would have been there all night hanging those stupid signs!
At home there was plenty of hot food to enjoy, as I let my body relax after a long day of serious hard work. Thankfully I did not have to work Boxing Day, probably the longest most tiring day of the whole year. I therefore had two whole days to relax, watch movies, and spend time with the family.
On that note, I wish all of you a Merry Christmas. Whether you celebrate the holiday or not, be safe and warm this season. And most important I hope you all make it home on time and don’t have to stay late hanging signs!
Unfortunate Canadians will recall boy band b4-4 (also known as Before Four). They were a trio, had two brothers in the group, made two albums and faded away quietly.
Courtesy of former store owner (now road manager for Steve Earle) Mike Lukacs, here’s a classic quote that shoulda been in Record Store Tales:
“Back in the record store days, some people came in the store looking for these guys’ CD. One of the dudes that worked for me asked them why they wanted such garbage. ‘They are our sons’ replied the people…”
I thought it would be fun going forward to re-post old chapters of Record Store Tales that you may have missed. Enjoy this Christmas-themed re-post!
RECORD STORE TALES Part 150:SmellsLike Presents
Our original computerized inventory system forced us to manually type in every album title ourselves. Out of sheer boredom, often we’d shake it up a bit. For example, just for laughs, we’d often input Alanis Morissette’s album Jagged Little Pill in the system as Jagged Little Pillow. Or whatever.
When we saw this Celine Dion Christmas album come in, somebody came up with a clever custom title for our system. Remember that Marilyn Manson album, Smells Like Children? Take a look at the Celine Dion album cover. You’ll understand why we used to call this one Smells Like Presents!
The Foo Fighters took a break in 2001. Their new album, to come later as One By One, was not going well. The band were infighting, and the album was put on hold. Around that time, Josh Homme hooked up with his old buddy Dave Grohl and invited him to play on the new Queens of the Stone Age album. Dave was growing wearing of frontman duties in his own band and was happy to just be a drummer again for a little while.
The resultant QOTSA album, Songs for the Deaf, was a smash hit. Dave Grohl’s presence brought them a higher profile than before, but it was also just a flat-out kick ass record.
One of our store managers, Joe “Big Nose” was a Queens of the Stone Age fan going back to Kyuss. Though I was not there personally when this happened, Joe likely had an internal meltdown when a customer asked:
“Hey, do you have that new side project of Dave Grohl from Foo Fighters?”
RECORD STORE TALES MkII: Getting More Tale #350 The Year in Review / Top Five of 2014
Another year come and gone! Am I older and wiser? I think so, musically speaking anyway! It was a great year for music (and a baffling year too, hello Scott Stapp and Phil Rudd)! Narrowing down my favourites to a Top Five wasn’t all that difficult once I thought about it. There were some clear contenders so it was more about sorting out the order. I’ll save the Top Five(s) for last.
I lost two friends this year, both of whom went way too soon. Both had moved out of town long ago (one out of the country), but we recently reconnected via social media. Warren was the guy who helped get me started on this crazy journey of writing, being the first to publish me. George, an old friend from childhood, helped me discover Kiss. Both left this earth in 2014, and the world is sadder for it. Rest in peace boys.
That aside, my proudest writing achievement was finally finishing the Record Store Tales. I had so much fun sharing those stories over the years. I took my time ending it; I was having a good time. But I knew there were people who wouldn’t like it; that’s happened before. Again I’ll apologize to the two who complained, for any offence I caused them. These two guys were friends from the store, but neither had really expressed any support for what I was doing, and I don’t think they particularly liked it. I never had anything bad to say about either of them, but I get that they might not like things I had to say about their friends; I totally get that. I also get that they had different experiences at the Record Store than I did. That’s fine. I want to be clear that my experience was mine alone. I cannot speak for anyone but myself. (Interesting footnote though: Back in Part 170, I mentioned that our accountant Jonathan used to talk about who he trusted at the store, and who he didn’t. One of the people he never trusted was one of those two guys, because of his personal friendship with the higher-ups. Just a footnote.)
Anyway, I don’t want to focus on the negative. I did some rough calculations and by reckoning, the number of Record Store Tales that were negative towards the store was only about 16%.
So! Onto the lists! My Top Ten Favourite Record Store Tales of 2014:
As an added bonus, I also found my Top Five Albums of 2004 among my journals! For shits n’ giggles, here is a “bonus” installment of Record Store Tales for you! And Happy New Year to ya!
BONUS RECORD STORE TALES Part 350: Top Five of 2004
5. BRANT BJORK – Local Angel
4. PEARL JAM – Live at Benaroya Hall: October 22, 2003
3. THE KILLERS – Hot Fuss
2. THE HIVES – Tyrannosaurus Hives 1.MARILLION – Marbles
Stay tuned for more Top Lists of 2014 in the days ahead!
My Grandmother reminded us of this story today. I thought I’d repost it for the new readers who missed it last year. Happy Thanksgiving!
RECORD STORE TALES Part 236: Thanksgiving 2005
Miserable at the record store, and mere weeks away from giving my notice, I still somehow managed to swing Thanksgiving weekend off. The family tradition back then was Thanksgiving at the cottage with my aunt and uncle, grandma and sister. Complicating things for me this Thanksgiving was that I had started dating Jen, the future Mrs. LeBrain. She was alone that weekend, because her parents were spending Thanksgiving in Ottawa. I felt that she was somebody special, and I wanted to somehow have Thanksgiving with her, but also my family. The only catch was that we’d been together less than a month, and she’d never met anybody from my family before. Ever.
As this story is a bit of an indictment against myself, I’ll let her take it from here.
LeBrain told me that his parents and his sister would be staying in this peaceful cabin by the lake. He didn’t tell me about anyone else. It had been a long time since I met a suitor’s parents. A sister too? Well that was uncharted territory to say the least.
As we approached the cottage through the woods, my anxiety started to increase. The car stopped and my heart began beating in my throat as I looked into the cottage’s big front window.
Mike’s mom and dad, sister, and her boyfriend were waiting at the window! So were his aunt, uncle, grandmother, and the disapproving family dog!
After introductions, Mike walked me to his bedroom where I’d be staying while he was sleeping on the couch. The door closed behind me, and what I saw on the wall was a vision to haunt me, and to one day tell our future grandchildren about. It was a gun rack, made with actual deer parts, holding a gun.
“Maybe this online dating thing is a bad idea!”
Gun rack given to me by my Grandfather
It’s only a pellet gun. Happy Thanksgiving, Canada!
mikeladano.com 