Happy hump day. For this edition of WTF, I’ve collected 10 of the weirdest sexual phrases that, somehow, some way, Googled these people to me. Missed the last edition? Click here!
FAITH NO MORE – Angel Dust (1992/1993, Slash Records 2 LP and 2 CD editions)
This is my favourite Faith No More record. I’m not sure why, but after a couple struggled listens, I suddenly fell for its intricate, bizarre arrangements. The story goes that Faith No More, the ultimate antithesis to a commercial band, were sick of playing The Real Thing‘s songs live for the past 2 years. They were eager to stray as far away from that sound as possible. In addition, Mike Patton had just completed the cult classic debut Mr. Bungle album. I speculate that this helped spark the sometimes unhinged creative moments on this album, particularly the vocals.
Guitarist Jim Martin and the band were butting heads, and most of the songs were written without him. Mike Bordin, Roddy Bottom and Billy Gould would send him virtually complete songs, which he then “grafted” guitar parts onto. In a guitar magazine interview, Martin stated that he thought some of the songs were better before he added the guitar.
Angel Dust commences with double shot of weirdness: “Land of Sunshine” and “Caffeine”. Patton pieced together the lyrics to “Land of Sunshine” from a collection of fortune cookies. Musically it is dramatic, keyboard heavy and foreboding. “Caffeine” is dark and aggressive, but is Patton’s first bonafide knockout vocal on the album. From the ominous, gravelly lows to off the wall screams, Patton delivers. His voice knows no limits on Angel Dust and I consider this the peak album for his vocals.
The first single “MidLife Crisis” was about as close as it gets to a commercial track. You can certainly hear every nu-metal band in the world (Korn! I’m looking at you Jonathan Davis!) ripping off Patton’s gutteral vocal stylings. But he lets it soar in the choruses. The bizarre pseudo-rapped verses, the samples, and the anthemic, layered choruses all pointed to new directions for Faith No More. The ingredients had never really combined like “MidLife Crisis” before.
Then perhaps the most bizarre song, “R.V.” The lullaby-like piano backs a grizzly soliloquy from Patton, via Tom Waits, playing a trailer park trash character. “Somebody taps me on the shoulder every five minutes. Nobody speaks English anymore! Would anybody telll me if I was gettin’…stupider?” Once the novelty value wears off, it’s still a cool tune due to the powerful choruses. Patton nails another awesome lead vocal on the chorus.
“Smaller and Smaller” returns somewhat to more conventional song arrangements. A repetitive piano hook backs a hypnotic Patton vocal. The choruses are a bit on the insane side, and then the song deviates into a sample-laden section of challenging rhythms. Yet somehow the song remains memorable and catchy. This is followed by “Everything’s Ruined”, which also became a single. I’m sure it was chosen because it is a solid mix of aggressive rapping with a memorable soul-influence chorus. While it doesn’t sound like it would have been on The Real Thing, it’s about as close as Angel Dust gets.
“Malpractice” is one of the most messed-up tunes on the album, a mixture of disjointed sections, noisy guitars, smooth keyboards, feedback, all simmered to perfection. By the time Patton’s screaming, “Applause, applause, applause, APPLAAAAAUUUUUUSSSSE!” I’m already clapping. I think I read somewhere that this song was a Patton baby, which might explain it. Certainly, the lullaby after the 2 minute mark is designed to lull you in before they hammer you with more guitars, samples and screams. This closed Side One.
Side Two was introduced by “Kindergarten”, Patton barking thoughts about the schoolyard. There’s no guitar solo, but Mike Patton provides something shouted through a megaphone that amounts to a solo. This is followed by Billy Gould throwing down a bass solo, and into the final verse. The weak-willed will shudder before “Be Aggressive”, a graphic series of metaphors about swallowing. This discourse is accompanied by a cheerleader chorus. Jim Martin turns in a sloppy, Pagey guitar solo, the only one on the album.
After assaulting the listener with a song like that, “A Small Victory” is a welcome respite. Its simple but bountiful melodies are perfect to soothe the ear canal. This is also to prepare you for “Crack Hitler”, another bizarre sensory overload. Funky bass meets distorted rapping, until it swerves into this weird, evil march. Patton’s vocals run the gamut from light, to dark and monstrous. Even so, “Jizzlobber” is the most extreme song of them all. It has those creepy Friday the 13th keyboards, heavy guitar riffs and pounding drums, and Patton’s most aggressive lead vocal yet. I don’t know what the hell he’s singing without the lyric sheet, but it doesn’t sound like I wanna know either. It’s just a pummeling assault, and unprepared listeners may find themselves overwhelmed and perhaps turned off from the album by this point.
The standard album ends with “Midnight Cowboy” supposedly because of some obsession that Billy Gould had with its storyline. It’s a perfectly appropriate ending given the rollercoaster ride that preceded it. It’s you, wandering off into the sunset, too wasted to really know if you’re headed in the right direction.
I stumbled upon an LP in 1993 that came with a bonus 12″. This 12″ contained the exclusive “Scream Mix” of “MidLife Crisis”. On the B-side are “Crack Hitler” and “Midnight Cowboy”, which didn’t fit on the first record. The drum intro on “MidLife” is slightly extended, and the mix sounds possibly a little more bass heavy.
The Australian 2 CD version that I also have contains the Commodores’ “Easy” as its bonus track. This is the same version that came out here domestically on the Songs to Make Love To EP. It’s rendered remarkably straight, and its a performance like this that truly demonstrates Mike Patton’s vocal mastery.
The 2 CD edition comes (obviously) with a second CD! This is a live EP entitled Free Concert in the Park, recorded in Munich. It contains live renditions of three songs from disc 1, and one song from the first Faith No More LP, We Care A Lot. Mike Patton dedicates “Easy” to “everyone with hemorrhoids this evening!” And I am sure they appreciated his dedication, as they are an oft-ignored group at concerts, aren’t they? The guitar solo in “Easy” remains one of my Jim Martin favourites. Even heavier and more chaotic versions of “Be Aggressive” and “Kindergarten” follow, replete with surprises. These live versions really hit the spot, as they are really cranked up. The early obscurity “Mark Bowen” closes the disc. This is the only version of the song that I have with Patton. I like his take on it, which takes advantage of his vocal power.
It was astounding to me that three albums in a row, Faith No More had turned in inventive, new, exciting and potent music that was unlike the previous. Angel Dust is definitely a peak of some kind. 80% of nu-metal bands owe their careers to this album. I consider this to be “my favourite” FNM disc, although to be perfectly honest, I consider Introduce Yourself, The Real Thing, and King For A Day…Fool For A Lifetime to all be worth…
RECORD STORE TALES Part 212: Top 3 Rock Star Crushes
I was quite legendary at the Record Store for my celebrity crushes. I talked before about about Dayna Manning — she was but one on my list of fantasy girls.
3. MARIA DEL MAR (National Velvet)
T-Rev and I were given tickets to see Helix at Stages, in 1996. Opening was a new band fronted by ex-National Velvet singer Maria Del Mar. You might remember National Velvet’s hit, “Sex Gorilla”. Her new band was good, and after the show Maria came and sat down next to us! Gasp! She was really loaded. T-Rev and I handed her business cards for our stores and encouraged her to visit, call, sell albums there on consignment, anything!
Unfortunately, it seemed to us that she preferred the sharp Austrian looks of Peter the Rocker, who also attended the show. Maria wouldn’t leave him alone. She never called us either. At least Helix were good!
Tastes as sweet as “Sex Gorilla”
2. NICOLE HUGHES (Scratching Post)
A couple friends of ours opened for this band in 1998. I drooled all over the stage looking at singer/guitarist Nicole Hughes. That red hair. The leather skirk, playing that guitar. Oh yeah. I was in love. I admired every magazine cover she appeared on. One of the girls at work used to try to bug me by commenting that Hughes’ mouth was “too big”.
I never had the guts to speak to her at any of those concerts! Nothing more than a “great show, eh.” I was given copies of their two albums for my birthday one year. Imagine my horror at finding that I didn’t really like them. I sold them off before I quit the store.
Scratching Post’s only really good tune, “Bloodflame”
1. TALENA ATFIELD (Kittie)
I was never a Kittie fan. I’m not denying their talent, I’m just not a fan of that sound. I’ve never bought any of their albums. I only like a couple tunes. But as far as I was concerned, I did like Talena Atfield, the bassist! After she left Kittie, I found her on MySpace and sent her a message. Something lame like, “Hey, I manage a record store, you should come in if you’re in town,” or whatever. The response was brief, but positive – she called me cute! Well didn’t I go and tell everyone at the store about that?
So, they made fun of me for yet another rock star crush, but it turned out OK in the end. Now I’m married, and it’s fun to look back of these rock crushes. Mrs. LeBrain used to like Trent Reznor, so I know I’m OK! (She says she likes her men short.)
“Part 6 in a miniseries of reviews on Rob Halford’s solo career! If you missed the last part, click here!” That was a rhyme, that ain’t no crime…Breaking the Law! Breaking the Law!
HALFORD – Live Insurrection (2002 Japanese Import)
Having a wealth of solo and Priest material to draw from, this seems like a good place for a double live album to drop. And so it was; Live Insurrection, Rob’s first full-fledged live solo outing. For me personally, this is the peak. This Rob’s home run of solo projects.
Admittedly, there is a certain sense of Rob trying to bury parts of his recent past. There are no songs from Two, and the set is Priest-heavier than prior tours. I found the Halford band to be kind of faceless, a little devoid of personality. They’re absolute pros and there is no question of them cutting it. That’s not the issue, it’s just one of…I can’t hear the different personalities of the players, compared to Fight.
On the other hand, the setlist is so much richer than Fight used to do. The songs are culled from the Halford album Resurrection, the Judas Priest back catologue, and the first Fight album, with a lot of added surprises.
These surprises include three studio tracks, two of which are tracks written by Judas Priest, but never released at the time! You also get Rob’s duet with Bruce Dickinson of Iron Maiden, “live” (recorded during rehearsal I believe), and the two bonus tracks from the Japanese version of the Halford album, once again performed live. Rob even sings his first-ever solo track, “Light Comes Out Of Black” which was originally on the Buffy The Vampire Slayer soundtrack back in 1992. The Priest material is a great mix: old obscure stuff from Sad Wings and Stained Class, as well as more obvious stuff from Hell Bent and Screaming. Rob’s voice is in fine form, doing justice to the Priest and Fight material.
Rob’s so hardcore, he stapled his fuckin’ forehead!
The Japanese bonus track is “Blackout”. Yes, the old Scorpions tune, and recorded here with a Scorpion: Rudolph Schenker! Halford easily handles Klaus Meine’s vocal part. It’s a great bonus track, easily worth the extra cash that I spent on this import version. I got this from Amazon.com in 2002.
They give you lots of great packaging with this live album. Decent liner notes, lots of pictures, plenty to look at while you spend a couple hours listening to this platter of metal perfection. Enjoy the feast.
5/5 stars
I’ll be taking a summer break from this series. I’m a bit burned out on Halford albums now, and there are so many new arrivals to listen to! But fear not. I’ll be following this review with Crucible, another Japanese release, a box set, and more.
RECORD STORE TALES Part 211: The House of Lords Debacle
Joe was on the other end of the phone. “Mike,” he said. “I have three CDs here by a band called House of Lords. You want?”
I’d first heard House of Lords in ’88. Gene Simmons was promoting them like mad. They were signed to his new imprint, $immons Records. A guy called Loz Netto was his first signing, but House of Lords was his first rock acquisition. They included ex-members of Guiffria, Quiet Riot, and Alice Cooper. I picked up their debut on the week of release, but I missed the second and third albums.
“I’ll take two!” I responded without hesitation. “I’ll take the ones titled Sahara and Demons Down.”
Joe laughed. “I knew you’d know who these guys were,” he said. I saw the pictures of the hairdos on the back and I knew it.”
“Thanks man, send ’em my way. I will buy them both for sure.”
Yes, Tommy Aldridge was in House of Lords for a minute
Joe had the two discs sent to my store, attention to me. But in between his store and mine, they had been intercepted. Someone had written on the transfer slips, “Sell at $11.99 — no discount.”
No discount? On House of Lords? The fuck was this?
Not that $11.99 is a bad price. That was a high but realistic sticker price for used copies of these albums. I can get Demons Down on CD from Discogs right now for under 8 bucks. If I had walked into another store and found them for $12, I would have bought them without hesitation. It was the principle of the thing that bothered me. I’ve talked before about how we didn’t get staff discounts on certain special or big ticket items. House of Lords was hardly the kind of band that would negate a staff discount. In fact, my boss (who had written the note) had no idea who House of Lords was.
He had obviously seen that the two discs were being sent to me, since he had written the note. Perhaps he looked at the back and spied the Simmons Records logo. Either way he personally nixed the the discount. I called him up to ask what the deal was.
“Hey,” I began. “These two House of Lords discs. What’s up with the price? No discount on these?”
“Nope,” he answered simply.
“Why?” I asked. “Nobody knows who they are.”
“That’s just what we’ve decided they’re worth,” he replied.
“Alright, well I’m going to pass on them then. I’m sending them back to Joe’s store.” I was disappointed. This kind of penny-ante crap had picked up in recent years. It was petty. It seemed arbitrary.
A few years later, more copies came in. I snagged those, discount intact. Much like most of the world, the powers that be had simply forgotten who House of Lords were. And I wasn’t about to say, “Hey, by the way, in case you forgot, staff aren’t supposed to get a discount on House of Lords.”
I’m listening to House of Lords right now. The funny thing is, for such “special” items, neither is really as good as their debut!
So after all the hubbub and commotion and he-says she-says, both Queensryches have finally released their albums. The consensus is pretty clear: fans prefer the original band to the original singer. The sales figures speak for themselves. Queensryche has more than doubled the sales numbers of Frequency Unknown, and charted in the 20’s rather than the 80’s. The judge that will settle the case of who gets the Queensryche name in November said that the market would decide. If that’s indeed the case, Tate can look forward to a solo career.
In the meantime Michael Wilton, Scott Rockenfield and Eddie Jackson carried on with Parker Lundgren and Todd La Torre, and basically did what fans have been asking: revert to an earlier sound.
Instead of going through this album song-by-song, I thought I would try something different. Instead I’d like to just talk about what I like and don’t like about Queensryche. You can feel free if you disagree if you like. Uncle Meat couldn’t bring himself to review the album. He hated it so much he rated it 0/5 stars. He said that the hiring of a Tate clone only makes Queensryche look like a bunch of douchebags. His opinion was that this act alone put Tate on top, even if he did release the dreadful Frequency Unknown. He asked me to say this on his behalf:
“This is like the winner of the Queensryche Karaoke contest. Worst album of the year, of any genre.”
So there’s that. I respect the criticism about the Karaoke contest. But lemme tell you folks, even if La Torre’s Tate is uncanny, it’s also welcome to my weary ears. I like hearing a Queensryche album where the singer is actually hitting the notes. I’ve heard Tate fans talk about electronic processing on La Torre’s voice. Well, that’s pretty much rooted in the 1986 Rage For Order sound.
If I had to nail Queensryche down to a specific era, it would be Warning-Rage-Empire in that order. Not terribly original, no. I’ll let it slide though, and for this reason: when a band like Queensryche, who have musically been adrift at sea for a long time (barring the odd triumph like American Soldier), they need to re-ground themselves and regain the faith and trust of the fans. Priest did something similar with their Angel of Retribution album. Various songs sounded pretty bang-on for specific eras of the band. And you know what? That worked for me. It was what I needed. They saved the double concept album for the next record.
So, if Queensryche can progress from here, I’ll be happy and forgive them for the lack of originality. I’ll let it slide for one album. I’m also a little disappointed in the brief running time of 35 minutes: 9 short songs plus 2 intros. None of the tracks are longer than 4 1/2 minutes.
I find pretty much all the songs to be of equal quality. That is, all of them are good, some of them are better than good, none of them are poor. I’ve waited to listen to this album 5 or 6 times before I tried to review it. After that many listens, none of the songs are particularly jumping out at me more than others. But none are turning me off. All have moments of greatness here and there, sometimes in the guitars, other times the drums, or the vocals. La Torre is definitely stunning at times on this album. It’s also fantasic to actually hear Scott Rockenfield playing the drums on a Queensryche album, and sounding like Scott Rockenfield. He has a unique sound, one of his own, as does bassist Eddie Jackson.
As for the new boy Parker Lundgren? Sure, he played on some of Dedicated to Chaos, but now you can actually hear him. He meshes better with Michael Wilton than anybody else the band has had since Chris DeGarmo.
Which brings me to my final point. I still miss DeGarmo. This is nothing against Michael, Scott, Eddie, Parker or Todd. DeGarmo had some kind of magic. Look at all of Queensryche’s hits. See who wrote most of them. Queensryche absolutely miss DeGarmo, more than they do Tate.
In closing, I enjoy Queensryche a lot more than Frequency Unknown, or many albums since Promised Land. Do I like it more than Rage? Warning? The EP? No. It’s good, no mistake, but it’s not at that level. Whether they are capable of ever getting there again remains to be seen. My attention is peaked; I’ll definitely check out the next album, which the band have already started writing. In fact I’m looking forward to the next one, and hopefully the next one after that.
Oh, and the live bonus tracks absolutely smoke.
3.5/5 stars
FYI: The Japanese edition contains an additional bonus track, which is “Eyes of a Stranger” performed live by the new lineup. All four live tracks are taken from the same gig. Reviewed separately.
There were some pretty awesome picks this year. I have to give Scottie props for “Coming Home” by Iron Maiden, from the excellent Final Frontier album. I found some things a bit surprising, such as the overplayed-on-radio “Black Betty” by Ram Jam, placing so high.
“Thick As A Brick” was the live version, so just over 10 minutes. Other long bombers included all of “Supper’s Ready” by Genesis, which resulted in a tirade by Phil for just as long, about how much he thinks it sucks! (And he’s an old-school Marillion fan…surprising.) And of course there were several Maiden tunes that clock in well over 5 minutes.
For your edification, here is the official Sausagefest XII Countdown: 75 tracks, plus 35 tributes. One tribute for each person that submitted a list! 110 songs over one weekend! Awesome.
Most of the stuff I picked this year was too obscure. Stuff like “The Cut Runs Deep” by Deep Purple. “The Hockey Theme” by Neil Peart. “Wall of Sound” by Kiss.
I did however vote for the Countdown’s #1 song, “Toronto Tontos” by Max Webster. It was 33rd on my list, but six people also picked it, putting it at the #1 spot on Saturday night.
Four picks from my top 20 made the countdown: “Die Young”, “Zero the Hero”, “Caught Somewhere in Time”, and “Breadfan”!
So, here were my top 20 picks. Tomorrow, I will post the entire Countdown! Stay tuned…
Sausagefest is an annual all-dude, all-meat, countdown of rock. Five of us from the old Record Store attended! This year, there were 110 songs (75 countdowns plus 35 “tributes”). #1 was Max Webster — “Toronto Tontos”. Other artists who made the countdown included Iron Maiden, Black Sabbath, Kiss, Queens of the Stone Age, Tool, Rush, and Tenacious D among others. For the history of this event, check out Record Store Tales Part 30.
Thanks to Jeff Woods and Craig Fee for your contributions — above and beyond the call of duty!
And of course, thanks to Tom our host, and Uncle Meat, Seb and Dr. Dave for the music.
Uncle Meat will be providing me with the full track list. Stay tuned for that post, too!
ROCK AID ARMENIA – Smoke on the Water: The Metropolis Sessions (2010 Edel CD/DVD set)
When some of the biggest names in both British and Canadian rock combined together to re-record “Smoke on the Water”, as a mega-collaboration charity track, I don’t care who you are: You gotta listen! Originally released as “Smoke on the Water ’90” on The Earthquake Album, it didn’t garner the attention of, say, a Hear N’ Aid, but it’s definitely a noteworthy track. The Earthquake Album contained just the radio mix, which was an edited down version lacking Paul Rodgers. This package on the other hand is a CD/DVD combo set including all 4 versions of “Smoke ’90” and a documentary.
The region 0 encoded DVD is 40 minutes long, and filled with incredible behind-the-scenes footage and candid interviews. First, an explanation of the cause: rebuilding a children’s music school in Armenia, destroyed in a 1988 earthquake. Then, the musicians arrive! Roger Taylor (Queen) is first in the door. Can’t do anything without the drums! He shows off his considerable chops while warming up. Chris Squire (Yes) is next, who reveals that all egos have been dealt with in advance of the recording. Brian May turns up with a broken arm (skateboarding accident) to offer his support; he would return to record after the arm has healed. The recording takes place over five separate sessions. One benefit of this arrangement was that it enabled Ritchie Blackmore to show up, without having to see Ian Gillan!
Oh, to be in that room…
Soon to arrive: Tony Iommi. Paul Rodgers. Bruce Dickinson. David Gilmour. Alex Lifeson. Two keyboardists: Keith Emerson and Geoff Downes. Even Bryan Adams sings some backing vocals, after he turned up just to check out the recording studio! (Gilmour can’t help but take a stab at Rogers Waters during the interview segments.) Incidentally, I found it cool that Rodgers recorded his vocals with a hand-held mike.
I’ve always been a fan of this version of “Smoke”; in fact this was the first version of that I ever heard, 23 years ago. The band was dubbed Rock Aid Armenia. They got together in late ’89, and recorded this updated sounding cover. Gillan, Dickinson and Rodgers handled the lead vocals, in that order. It’s great to hear Iommi playing those chunky chords again. Chris Squire’s bass work is fairly simple, but perfect.
The CD includes an updated 2010 remix that cuts down a lot of Keith Emerson’s cheesey keyboards. Emerson stated that he wanted to put his own stamp on his parts, based on ELP’s “Fanfare for the Common Man”. He probably wouldn’t be happy to be mixed down on this version, but his keys always stood out like a sore thumb to me. The 2010 mix adds in a lot more previously unheard guitar fills instead. Other extras include a previously unreleased version of the song, with an entire Ian Gillan vocal take.
This is a great little-known recording, and I’m glad an obscurity like this has finally been reissued properly.
4/5 stars
Footnote: In 2011 and 2012, Gillan and Iommi followed this with a single and compilation album under the name WhoCares; also featuring Nicko McBrain, Jon Lord and Jason Newsted!
Side Two was introduced by “Kindergarten”, Patton barking thoughts about the schoolyard. There’s no guitar solo, but Mike Patton provides something shouted through a megaphone that amounts to a solo. This is followed by Billy Gould throwing down a bass solo, and into the final verse. The weak-willed will shudder before “Be Aggressive”, a graphic series of metaphors about swallowing. This discourse is accompanied by a cheerleader chorus. Jim Martin turns in a sloppy, Pagey guitar solo, the only one on the album.
The Australian 2 CD version that I also have contains the Commodores’ “Easy” as its bonus track. This is the same version that came out here domestically on the Songs to Make Love To EP. It’s rendered remarkably straight, and its a performance like this that truly demonstrates Mike Patton’s vocal mastery.
mikeladano.com 