Mammoth WVH

The Adventures Of Edie Van Heelin’: Edie Meets the Wolf

NOTE:  This story, though posting first, takes place after the events of Edie Van Heelin’s Canadian Vacation Part 2 – coming in April


Wolfgang Van Halen was feeling down.

He should have known better, but he opened his phone that morning to a tirade of hate on social media.  Why did he do this?  Did he have to run his own social media?  No, but he felt that giving it up would be giving in to the trolls.  They were relentless, and they were hurtful.  Not that Wolf ever let them see the hurt.  Still, he hurt inside, and it was very real.

“Why don’t you try making a name for yourself, instead of living off your father’s?” asked one troll.

Wolf grumbled to himself.  “Van Halen IS my name!” he yelled at the screen.  “What, should I change my name to Wolfgang McCartney?  Wolfgang Led Zeppelin?  What idiots these people are.  Not worth my time.  Why do I bother…”

He walked across the studio floor, plugged in a guitar, and tried to jam away the blues.  He played some licks, but a dark cloud still hung over his head, a bad mood that wouldn’t go away.

Wolf’s playing was interrupted by a sonic boom overhead.  He put his guitar down and looked out the window to see the contrails of rockets in the sky.

“Oh shit!” he exclaimed.  “I forgot!  I have a recording session today.”

He heard a knock at the studio door.

Wolf tripped over a guitar cable on the way to the door, but managed to open it with rock star-like grace.  Before him stood a vision unlike any he had seen before.

The woman at the door was dressed in head-to-toe silver.  Silver rocket boots, a sleek tight-fitting short silver dress, silver lipstick, and silver nails.  Over her shoulder was a guitar case, also in silver.  Edie Van Heelin’ had arrived.  It may only be a recording session, but she was dressed for the stage anyway!

“Edie Van Heelin’, I presume?” asked Wolf with a broad smile.

“In the flesh!” gleamed Edie, her silver lips smiling just as wide as her eyes.  Even though she had just broken the sound barrier, her long brown hair was as perfectly stick-straight as if she had just finished brushing.  “How are you, Wolf?  You know, your dad was my biggest influence on guitar.  But I love your album!  It’s so different from Van Halen, so modern, so melodic, so good!  Amazing lyrics and music!”

The two hugged.  “Thanks for saying that, Edie.  I’m having a rough day.  I miss my pop.  I hate these online trolls.”

Edie’s face turned to sadness.  “Come on, Wolf.  Let’s sit, you got any tea?”

“Of course, yeah, come in please.”  Wolf went over to the kettle and started brewing some tea.  “Green with honey, right?”  Edie nodded yes, eagerly.  Wolf laughed.  “I did my research, I made sure we had something for you today.”

A few minutes later, Wolf returned with two steaming cups.  The two sat across from each other.  Wolf picked up a guitar and randomly strummed as he sat.

Edie began speaking in a soft, understanding tone.

“I lost my dad a few years ago, too,” she began.  “I understand your pain. That song you wrote for him, ‘Distance’…it gets me.  I feel it.  I know your pain.  And trolls?  You should see what I get online.  My body, my face, my clothes, my makeup…they have an opinion about everything, and they are never happy.  And it’s every day.  You know what?  There’s only one person I can make happy, and that’s me.  So I dress how I want to dress, how I feel good.  I play the music I like, and it would not matter anyway, because they always have something to complain about.”

Wolf’s eyes went wide.

“Right?  They tell me to do my own thing, so I put out my own album, and it’s nothing like Van Halen.  Then, they tell me I should reform the band with Dave and Sammy and do a tour instead!  And then, they tell me I shouldn’t be trying to milk the Van Halen name!  I can’t do anything right according to them!”

Edie had removed her guitar from its case and was strumming along with Wolf.

“You know what the solution is Wolf?  I know that you do.”

Wolf shrugged.  “Tell me.”

Edie smiled and played a melodic line on her guitar.

“You just keep doing what you do!  Your album is awesome!  I especially love the song ‘Resolve’.  The defiance you show in that song is what you need to show to those online trolls!  Just keep being you, and remember that they only wish they were you.  Maintain your resolve!”

Wolf kicked into the main riff of the song.  Edie began singing along.

“No more flowers, what we know is not the same. Drunk with power, only you control this game!” she sang with deep conviction.

Wolf smiled as the two jammed.

“Countless hours, only you can cure this pain. You freaking coward, brought on more unwanted change!”

Wolf laughed.  “The word is ‘fucking’, Edie, not ‘freaking’!”

Edie smiled.  “Edie Van Heelin’ doesn’t F-bomb, Wolf!”

Laughing, Wolf nearly fell out of his chair.  “Seriously!?  You dress like the hottest space chick I’ve ever seen in my life, with nine inches worth of heels on your boots, and you won’t swear?”

Edie smiled.  “Nope!  Much like you Wolf, I am more than what I seem, and not what I appear to be!”

“Clearly, that is true!  I’m glad to have met you, Edie Van Heelin’.”  Wolfgang put down his guitar.  “So what are we working on today?”

Edie cranked out some chords.  “Time to start my debut album, Wolfie!  And there’s only one person I want to produce it.”

“Me?” Wolf asked with both hands pointed towards himself.

“You’re the one, Wolf, you’re my number one pick,” proclaimed Edie with the confidence she embodied.

“I could never say no to a woman as beautiful as you,” gushed Wolf.  “Fortunately, you have the talent to back it up.”

This time it was Edie who blushed.  It’s not every day you get a compliment from the son of Edward Van Halen.

“Aww thanks Wolf,” she said as she nervously played with her hair.  “I’m honoured.  Wanna hear some songs?”

Wolf nodded eagerly yes, and set up the desk to record.

This was it!  The Edie Van Heelin’ album was happening, for real now.  Edie took a moment to let it sink in.  She’d worked hard to get to this point.  Regardless of naysayers, the haters, and the trolls, she had made it this far.  Nothing would stop her now.

Wolfgang Van Halen took a seat at the console, opened some software, adjusted some levels, and said the magic words.  “We’re rolling!”

Edie dug deep, ready to rock him with her new material.  She placed her perfect silver fingertips upon the fretboard, and strummed….

…Just as the lights went out.

“What just happened?” shouted Wolf in frustration as he stumbled blindly around the studio, looking for a flashlight.  “The power just went out as we started to record?  What the hell?”

Edie shook.  This was all too familiar to her.

“I have a bad feeling about this….”


In orbit overhead, comfortably seated in his starship, the evil clone known as Shinzon laughed.  He got out of his chair with a flourish of his long dark hair, and placed his evil hand upon his clean-shaven Australian chin.  He laughed some more, as he looked down upon the Earth.  His boss wanted this album delayed, and Shinzon had just caused a power disruption that would keep Wolfgang’s studio down for weeks.  His boss would be very, very happy this time.

He cackled.

“Revenge is a dish best served cold!  And Edie Van Heelin’…it is very cold, in space….”




The Adventures of Edie Van Heelin’:  Edie vs. Tommy Lee in the Bouncy Castle of Doom! (By LeBrain)

The Adventures of Edie Van Heelin’:  Edie and the Quest for the Lost Lego (By LeBrain with Harrison Kopp)

The Adventures of Edie Van Heelin’:  Edie Van Heelin’s Canadian Vacation (By LeBrain)

The Adventures of Edie Van Heelin’:  Edie Van Heelin’s Canadian Vacation Part 2 (By LeBrain with California Girl) Coming April

The Adventures of Edie Van Heelin’:  Edie Meets the Wolf (By LeBrain)


The Writer’s Room: Chapter One

The Writer’s Room:  It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like a Tee Bone Man Christmas



Chapter Zero:  Tee Bone Man – Origins (by LeBrain)

Chapter One: A Friend in Need (by LeBrain)

Chapter Two: Hell Freezes Over (by Harrison Kopp)

Chapter Three: Hell Ain’t A Bad Place to Be (by LeBrain)

Chapter Four: Tee Bone Man and the Rink of…Doom? (by Aaron KMA)

Chapter Five: The Super Duper Vault (by John T. Snow)

Chapter Six: Tee Bone Man Goes to Camp (by LeBrain)

Chapter Seven:  The Revenge of Common Knowledge (by LeBrain)

Chapter Eight:  Tee Bone & Deke’s Time Travelling Adventure (by 80sMetalMan)

Chapter Nine:  Castle Communications (by Harrison Kopp)

Chapter Ten:  The Case of the Lost Iron Maiden Socks (by LeBrain)

Chapter Eleven:  A Tee Bone Man Christmas (by all five of us)

Chapter Twelve:  Lost In Space (by John T. Snow)

Chapter Thirteen:  Clip Show (by LeBrain)

Chapter Fourteen:  Tee Bone Man and Superdekes Discover the Tao (An Intermission) (By Aaron KMA) Coming next week!

Chapter Fifteen:  Max The Axe (by Harrison Kopp) Coming soon

Chapter Sixteen:  “The Epic” parts 1, 2 and 3 (by Harrison Kopp) Coming this spring

Chapter Seventeen:  Tee Bone Man vs. Edie Van Heelin’ (by LeBrain & California Girl) Coming this summer – conclusion to Phase One




#964.5: The Lists – 2021 Year in Review – Part Two

Here We Go Again:  End of Year Lists 2021

2021:  the year of the hamster wheel.  It sure felt like we were spinning our tires all year!  Sometimes inching a little forward in the mud, only to slide right back.  What a year.  But we did get some great music out of it.

Here at LeBrain HQ, if you go strictly by the numbers, there were two bands that dominated the year, both oldies acts from the 1980s:  Coney Hatch and Iron Maiden!  They (or members thereof) appear numerous times in the lists you’re about to read.  Not so “oldies” after all eh?  Five appearances for Iron Maiden, and a whopping seven for Coney and its members!

Even I was surprised by the lists this year!  All my favourite things, and the stats of 2021, are curated below.

Top 11 Albums of 2021

11. PolychuckShadows Exposed EP
10. Suicide StarIsolation
9. Max the AxeOktoberfest Cheer EP
8. Mammoth WVHMammoth WVH
7. Danko JonesPower Trio
6. AcceptToo Mean to Die
5. Smith/KotzenSmith/Kotzen
4. Iron MaidenSenjutsu
3. Lee AaronRadio On
2. Coney HatchLive at the El Mocambo
1. StyxCrash of the Crown

Top Five Box Sets of 2021

5. KissDestroyer
4. WhitsnakeRestless Heart
3. Def LeppardCD Collection Vol 3
2. TriumphAllied Forces
1. MetallicaMetallica 

My Favourite Movies of 2021

5. Black Widow
4. Eternals
3. Free Guy
2. The Suicide Squad
1. Shang-Chi and the Legend of the Ten Rings

(placeholder) Spider-Man: No Way Home – you have to assume it’ll be my new #1 when I see it!

Top 11 Interviews / Unboxings of 2021 (by YouTube views)

11. Robert Lawson interview
10. Sean Kelly interview
9. Suicide Star interview
8. Coney Hatch live LP unboxing
7. Andy Curran round three
6. Andy Curran part one
5. Paul Laine interview
4. Mike Fraser interview
3. Martin Popoff interview
2. Andy Curran + Mike Fraser interview
1. Iron Maiden Super7 figure blind box unboxing

Top Five List Shows / Deep Dives 2021 (by YouTube Views)

5. Top Concept Albums
4. 5150 Deep Dive with Tee Bone
3. Desert Island Discs
2. Top Maiden Art
1. Top Five King’s X with Martin Popoff

Top Reviews of 2021 by Hits

4. STYXCrash of the Crown
2. IRON MAIDEN – Senjutsu 
1.  – Off the Soundboard – Tokyo 2001

What’s in store for 2022?

  • The Book of Boba Fett
  • Jethro Tull – The Zealot Gene
  • Marillion – An Hour Before Its Dark
  • Guns N’ Roses – Hard Skool EP
  • new Sven Gali
  • Scorpions – Rock Believer
  • new Coney Hatch live with two new studio cuts
  • new Journey?
  • new Def Leppard?
  • Bryan Adams – So Happy it Hurts
  • Liam Gallgher – C’Mon You Know
  • Thor: Love and Thunder
  • Dr. Strange in the Multiverse of Madness
  • Black Panther: Wakanda Forever
  • Disney+: Ms. Marvel, Moon Knight, She-Hulk, What…If? season 2, Secret Invasion, The Guardians of the Galaxy Holiday Special
  • The Mandalorian season 3
  • New albums from Ghost, Rammstein, Ozzy Osbourne, King Diamond, Weezer and more



Friday December 31, 9:00 PM E.S.T. on YouTubeFacebook and also Facebook!

Best of 2020 Part 5: Nigel Tufnel Top Ten Albums and More of 2020

2020 may have sucked, but the music didn’t.  This year I bought and reviewed more new releases than ever before, which I narrowed down to the Nigel Tufnel Top Ten studio albums of 2020 listed below.

I would like to dedicate this list to my good pal Uncle Meat who originated the concept of a “Nigen Tufnel Top Ten” earlier this year.  It has become our thing.


11. Now or Never – III

10. Mr. Bungle – The Raging Wrath of the Easter Bunny Demo

9. Sven Gali – 3 (EP)

8. Kim Mitchel – The Big Fantasize

7. Corey Taylor – CMFT

6. Stryper – Even the Devil Believes

5. Harem Scarem – Change the World

4. Dennis DeYoung – 26 East Vol 1

3. AC/DC – Power Up

2. Deep Purple – Whoosh!

1. Storm Force – Age of Fear


Storm Force’s debut album goes straight to #1 on their very first appearance!  No surprise here.  I’ve been raving about this disc since February and I owe it to Superdekes for putting these guys on my radar in the first place.  This is a well-deserved #1.  Age of Fear is an uplifting album with depth.  It’s a thoughtful, heart-pounding blast of classic hard rock.

Deep Purple’s Whoosh! and AC/DC’s PWRUP prove two things:  old dogs that both learn and don’t learn new tricks can all be champions.  (I call this theory “Schrödinger’s Dog”.) Deep Purple’s growth continues while AC/DC managed to tap into the vein of success that always worked for them.  Both records deserve their spots in the Top 3.

It was a thrill for me to learn that Dennis DeYoung both read and enjoyed my review of his newest album 26 East Vol 1.  It’s a terrific, Styx-like conceptual work that will please the old fans.  As will the new albums by Harem Scarem and Stryper, who didn’t stray far from their successful classic hard rock formulas.  Kim Mitchell and Sven Gali on the other hand dared to be different.  Kim went laid back and acoustic, while Sven Gali went with their heaviest uninhibited inclinations.  As for Mr. Bungle, it has been 21 years since their last album California.  All four Bungle studio albums are completely different from one another — four different genres.  For The Raging Wrath of the Easter Bunny, they teamed up with Scott Ian and Dave Lombardo to re-record their first thrash metal demo tape.  And it could be their best album since the self-titled debut in 1991.  Not bad for a bunch of songs they wrote in highschool.

Corey “Mother Fuckin'” Taylor makes his debut on any list of mine with his solo album CMFT.  It’s a surprising collection of commercial hard rockin’ tunes.  Also appearing for the first time is Now Or Never (NoN) with their third album called III, featuring singer Steph Honde.  It’s an excellent, dramatic metal album with light and shade.


Most disappointing:  Ozzy Osbourne – Ordinary Man

Song of the year:  LeBrain Train by T-Bone Erickson

Single of the Year:  Mammoth WVH – “Distance”

Ultimately whether or not you liked the new Ozzy, its success or failure falls at the feet of producer/guitarist Andrew Watt.  He is already working on the next Ozzy album, so….

Huge thanks to T-Bone Erickson for the “LeBrain Train” theme song, which amazingly and unexpectedly became the song of the year in 2020!  Weird how that happened.  No bias here I assure you.

Finally, Wolfgang Van Halen finally released his first solo music under the name Mammoth WVH.  The non-album single “Distance” is dedicated to his late father Eddie.  Though musically it’s a modern power ballad, the lyrics and especially the music video evoke serious emotion.  Well done Wolfgang.  Can’t wait to check out his album in 2021.


5. Metallica – S&M2

4. Thin Lizzy – Rock Legends

3. Sloan – B Sides Win Vol. 1 1992-1997

2. Def Leppard – The Early Years 78-81

1. Iron Maiden – Nights of the Dead – Legacy of the Beast

There were a lot of cool rock releases in 2020, so we need more lists!  Of course the brilliant new live Maiden deserved some loving attention.  Meanwhile, Sloan, Def Leppard and Thin Lizzy have continued to put out quality collections of rarities & unreleased material, well worth the time and money you’ll spend on them.  The Sloan collection is a vinyl exclusive and the first in a series of LPs re-releasing some of their B-sides and non-album and bonus tracks.  Finally, Metallica delivered the goods even without Michael Kamen on S&M2, a very different live set than the first S&M.  That’s the way to do it!


5. Queen + Adam Lambert – “You Are the Champions”

4. Scorpions – “Sign of Hope”

3. Marillion – “Made Again 2020”

2. Marillion – “Easter 2020”

1. Alice Cooper – “Don’t Give Up”



It’s naive to assume that major touring and concerts will return in 2021.  This appears highly optimistic at present, with Covid still ravaging the landscape and vaccinations only just beginning.  Instead of looking ahead at things like the resuming Kiss tour, or the Motley Crue reunion, we should continue to put our faith in new music.

Accept have a new album due January 15 intriguingly titled Too Mean to Die.  It is their first without bassist Peter Baltes.  Steven Wilson has a new record out at the end of that month.  In February we get new Foo Fighters, The Pretty Reckless, Willie Nelson and Alice Cooper.  Greta Van Fleet, Weezer, Rob Zombie, Ringo Starr, and Thunder will be back soon too.  Many other bands are writing and recording without an announced due date.  Ghost, Marillion, Scorpions, Megadeth and even Ratt are hard at work to make next year suck a little less.  Support the bands by buying the music.