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Guest Sunday Chuckle: The WTF Edition
Thussy here again with another Sunday Chuckle. Being a veteran contributor for the WTF column, this one came naturally.
Are these fart panties? Do they freshen the scent or muffle the sound? If the top right of the picture didn’t exist I would just think ok these are maybe some sort of padded biking shorts. Admittedly they looks like they would make long distance bike riding more comfortable. Is the top right of it just to show that they are breathable because it just looks like a fart?
This just looks messed. Is this some sort of medieval torture device that just eventually rips your nail off? The two side arms look like they would rip right through the nail making whatever problem these are supposed to solve so much worse.
$8 for what mouldy bread or cheese or maybe fruitcake? I swear this is some joke item someone trys to sell on eBay. I can just see the write-up now. “I found this wrapped up in the back of my fridge. Don’t remember what it is, eat at your own risk or make your own penicillin from it.”
Russian nesting knives? I’m an amateur cook and have a good set of knives and the one thing I know is you need a strong comfortable knife that are well balanced for weight. These look like they fulfill none of those categories.
Wanna see stuff from my collection? All you have to do is ask. This week the request was “Let’s see your favourite box sets”. I’ve rounded up a few for show & tell. I will go live on Facebook April 25 at 7:00 PM Eastern Standard Time. (If you missed last week’s live stream, Rare Box Sets, you can watch it here.)
The subject matter this week is My Favourite Box Sets. Most of these you have seen on my site already but we are about to take a closer look. I’ll be live for roughly an hour with these awesome box sets. Rob Daniels from Visions in Sound will be going live after I’m done so I’ll be jumping over to catch his show!
Join me tonight at 7 PM E.S.T. for some rock and roll shenanigans! Facebook: Michael Ladano
“We’re Van Halen, for those who just walked in.” – David Lee Roth
VAN HALEN – Rock & Roll Hoochie Koo (1975 radio broadcast, Laser Media)
Not all Van Halen was great and not all radio broadcasts worth buying. Some are quite shoddy, but important for historical reasons. Welcome to the 1975 KSWM broadcast CD!
“We’re playing dance music for people who like to party tonight!” says Dave. The first track to dance to is the Stones’ “If You Can’t Rock Me”: Sloppy, ragged, barely holding together, and then the shitty disc fades the song out! This might have been an act of mercy, as it sounds absolutely rubbish. Listen – if there’s no complete song, then list it as such on the back!
“We came unprepared for this, as usual!” says Dave, but my patience with the CD is already wearing thin. “Jean Genie” is a full song (more talking than singing) and it’s pretty terrible. On one hand, at least Van Halen did it in their own still-forming style, but it’s barely listenable, except for Eddie’s free sololing. An original “Women In Love” is actually better than the Bowie cover, but warbling tape makes it difficult to enjoy. Too bad, since this older version is different from the final Van Halen II arrangement.
Dave says wants to get funky on “Rock Steady”, while Michael Anthony acts as cheerleader on stage left. It’s not really funky but it does groove. Like all the songs, it’s a vehicle for Eddie to solo, and that’s always a good thing. A long rendition of “Rock ‘N Roll Hoochie Koo” follows (yes, they spelled the song title differently from the CD title). This one’s a good jam, with Eddie predictably blowing ’em all away. Dave’s with him with the odd “Ow!” and “Woo!” but this is the Eddie Show, from rhythms to leads.
A track called “The Fool and Me” from Bridge of Sighs by Robin Trower is a brilliant inclusion. This allows Eddie to show off that side of him that was inspired by Eric Clapton. It’s also Dave’s first chance to really sing, when his voice was raw and wild. Same with “Keep Playing that Rock ‘N’ Roll” (Edgar Winter). This one is just fun, and the band play it tight. Judging by the change in audio at this point, this is probably the end of the actual radio broadcast.
A couple minutes of rambling chatter with no value is laughingly listed as “Eddie & Dave Talk About Recording”. There is no such talk. It sounds like hitting on a woman.
“Eddie Warming Up” is what it sounds like. It’s cool. He plays several licks, some of which ended up in well known Van Halen songs later on. You can hear the telltale scratch of vinyl, which indicates this one was a vinyl bootleg at one point before being digitized.
Finally “I’m the One (Show Your Love)” is live once more, maybe from the same show as the broadcast, maybe not, who knows. This ‘Halen original is already fully formed, though the flimsy equipment they were playing through can’t communicate the full fury of original Van Halen.
This broadcast is pretty hard to recommend. The centrepiece is Eddie warming up, and that’s not even from the show. It’s pretty hard to play the whole thing through, but at least most of the problems are up front at the start.
2/5 stars
COMPLETE VAN HALEN REVIEW SERIES:
VAN HALEN – Zero (1977 Gene Simmons demo bootleg)
VAN HALEN – Van Halen (1978 Warner)
VAN HALEN – Van Halen II (1979 Warner)
VAN HALEN – Women and Children First (1980 Warner)
VAN HALEN – Fair Warning (1981 Warner)
VAN HALEN – Diver Down (1982 Warner)
VAN HALEN – 1984 (1984 Warner)
VAN HALEN – 5150 (1986 Warner Bros.)
VAN HALEN – OU812 (1988 Warner)
VAN HALEN – For Unlawful Carnal Knowledge (1991)
VAN HALEN – LIVE: Right here, right now. (1993 Warner Bros, plus “Jump” live single)
VAN HALEN – Balance (1995 Warner – Japanese version included)
VAN HALEN – Balance (1995) Review by Derek Kortepeter
VAN HALEN – Best Of Volume I (1996 Warner)
VAN HALEN – 3 (Collectors’ tin 1998)
VAN HALEN – The Best of Both Worlds (2005 Warner)
VAN HALEN – A Different Kind of Truth (2012)
VAN HALEN – Tokyo Dome Live in Concert (2015)
VAN HALEN – Tokyo Dome Live in Concert (2015) Review by Tommy Morais
+
VAN HALEN – “Best of Both Worlds” (1986 Warner 7″ single)
VAN HALEN – Selections from LIVE: Right here, right now. (1993 Warner promo EP)
VAN HALEN – “Can’t Get This Stuff No More” / “Me Wise Magic” (1996 Warner promo singles)
VAN HALEN – “Can’t Stop Loving You” (Parts 1 & 2, inc. collector’s tin)
VAN HALEN – “Right Now” (1992 cassette single, Warner)
VAN HALEN – Video Hits Volume I (1998 DVD)
VAN HALEN vs. JOHN LENNON – “Imagine A Jump” mashup by “Mighty Mike”
RECORD STORE TALES Part 186: The Van Halen Tin
GETTING MORE TALE #657: Operation: Van Halen (Derek’s Story)
BLACK SABBATH #1 – (1994 Rock-It Comics)
1979: Ozzy Osbourne walks out on Black Sabbath, the band he has fronted for 10 years. Things almost get physical, and then Ozzy pledges to rule the world on his own. Tony Iommi swears to come out on top, with or without him. Bill Ward looks down, knowing that it is truly time for a change. Geezer Butler doesn’t want to give it up and recommends they call “that Dio-bloke”.
Malibu comics produced a highly fictionalized version of Black Sabbath’s early history in 1994, with stunningly rich artwork and co-written by one Terence “Geezer” Butler himself. Understanding that this is a mixture of fantasy and history, “The Power of Black Sabbath” is a hugely entertaining comic. The basic bones of the Sabbath story are there. The gradeschool rivalry between Ozzy and Tony was real, but Tony never said “Give it up Osbourne, you sing like a girl!” And it doesn’t matter because it makes for a good panel. Meanwhile, a young Terry Butler is visited by a mysterious entity that allows him a brief glimpse at his own future.
As if like fate, the four members of Black Sabbath eventually merge together. Their early history as “Earth” precedes the fame. Dirty managers, “Blue Suede Shows”, and Jethro Tull stories are rolled out panel by panel. “Why did I ever think about leaving Earth?” muses Tony, as a demanding Ian Anderson commands him to play a solo. After another supernatural encounter, they finally settle on the name Black Sabbath.
Album by album their success grows, but they cannot shake their continuing and strange encounters with entities not of this world. By the time of Never Say Die, tensions between Tony and Ozzy result in the temporary hiring of Dave Walker to replace the singer. Ozzy eventually leaves permanently on his own “Crazy Train”. Ending the story here, we learn that Geezer Butler has come to peace with the supernatural side of his life.
But that’s only half the book. There’s still plenty more content of the non-illustrated variety.
An interview with Geezer Butler is about as revealing as ever. Dig these insightful answers:
Q: Tell us about the new album.
A: It’s called Cross Purposes. There are ten tracks on it. We started writing it last February and finished in mid-July. [He then runs down the band lineup.]
To its credit, Geezer claims that this comic is the most accurate portrayal of Black Sabbath to date, though it does include “poetic license”.
Next is a very cool gallery of photos that you couldn’t easily find anywhere in 1994. These include full colour pictures of the Glenn Hughes lineup of Black Sabbath, and versions with Dio, Tony Martin, Vinnie Appice, and Bobby Rondinelli. There are even a couple monochrome photos with Ian Gillan. At the time these were some of the only pictures I owned of the band in these phases.
The next pages feature a discography, full colour with album art, lineups and tracklistings. Included here is a warning not to buy Greatest Hits or Live At Last! “You have an inferior product both in packaging and sound. You are warned!” Screw it, I’m buying Live At Last! The last page is an autobiographical story by editor Robert V. Conte about buying his first Sabbath album Born Again (my favourite). Within two weeks he had most of their records.
I’ve read a few critiques about this book complaining about the overly fictional portrayal of the band’s history. I don’t think it particularly matters. It’s obvious from the supernatural elements that this is not to be taken as gospel (pun intended). The vibrant ink and colours capture the Black Sabbath members perfectly, and each panel is glorious to look at. Not to mention it’s an oversized comic so every page has more bang for the buck. The stylized dialogue keeps the story moving at a good pace, and though the story is but a brief overview, it’s fine for a single issue.
4.5/5 stars
GETTING MORE TALE #828: The Ones That Got Away
A year ago we did a massive de-clutter. We had gotten to the point where we accumulated too much stuff. Especially after Jen’s mom passed away. We probably kept too much of her stuff out of sentiment. But in a very short period of time we made massive purge; a painful purge. And it wasn’t the first. As you go through life you get rid of things. You can’t carry all your possessions with you through your whole life.
Although I have forgotten many of the myriad DVDs, books, T-shirts and collectibles that I tossed to the curb, there are some that I now regret losing. Doner’s regret is a very real thing. Some decisions were made in haste and others were made without sufficient foresight.
I used to record all of my CDs and LPs to cassette so that I could play them in the car. Once I had a car CD player, I didn’t need to keep doing that. Eventually I decided to give away all my excess cassettes and that’s how they ended up in a Thunder Bay landfill. I only regret giving away a small handful of my tapes. I wish I had hung onto some of the more obscure ones, and anything that I made cool artwork for. I guess I didn’t imagine that one day people would want to look at photos of old cassettes and read reviews of them.
In years past, any time I have done a major de-cluttering, I’ve thrown a massive garage sale. Sorting through and pricing items gives you some time to process what you’re doing, and make final decisions. It’s an ideal way of getting rid of stuff. But even so, I have made mistakes that I regret now. My childhood rock magazine collection — what I would give to have some of those issues again. They would come in handy with what I’m doing now. I had just about every issue of Hit Parader from 1987 through to 1990. From there I moved on to RIP, Metal Edge and the various guitar magazines available. When I purged my magazines, I hung onto just a small handful, but knowing they were irreplaceable, I kept all my M.E.A.T. Thank God I did! I’d never be able to replace them all if I hadn’t, and those things have been invaluable research sources. At least I know my magazines went to a good home. My old friend Len came to the garage sale and took every one. I know he is someone who would appreciate them for what they are.
I got rid of the magazines when I got married. I had to make space for my awesome new wife and her boxes and boxes full of clothes! Around the same time, I passed all my old Star Wars toys down to my sister Kathryn. Again, I have no regrets. They went to the right person to care for them. I admit I do get a nostalgic craving to hold my Han Solo one more time, but I think that could be arranged if necessary.
More recently, I’m kicking myself for giving away all my Star Trek DVDs. All the movies (I had the double DVD collector sets), and all the seasons of the Original Series. The entire “Fan Collective” series, which were so good. Gone in one trip to the Goodwill store. Decision made far too quickly and I’ve been regretting it ever since. Why donate instead of sell? Because we were trying to do this very quickly. Hiring an organizer is expensive. Getting a couple bucks per disc wasn’t worth trying to hawk them all. I put them in a huge bag, dropped them off at Goodwill and tried to feel good about the regained space.
Don’t get me wrong — I needed the space. But my purge went too far.
So now I have to re-buy all the Trek movies. I can do without the series as they are all on Netflix, but I need the films back. I don’t know what to buy: blu-ray, DVD, whatever has the best content? This would have been simpler had I just kept them all. A couple weeks ago I re-bought an old Star Wars comic that I somehow lost. It must have left the house accidentally jammed between something else because I never would have gotten rid of issue #47, “Droid World”. It’s the only issue that means anything to me and the only one I want to have. I used to try and draw all the different robots inside over and over again. Cost me $5 to replace, but oh well. Never should have left the house.
At least I didn’t let a single CD go. That organiser tried, oh did she ever try.
“So what are we doing with these?” she asked about the three CD towers and numerous mountains of dics in my workspace.
“These are all staying.” I replied bluntly. “These are my life and they are non-negotiable.”
“You know that you can put all of this on a computer now and not have to worry about storing all of these? I mean when can you listen to all of this?”
The same questions everybody asks. Everybody who’s not a music fan that is.
“I’m putting them on my computer all the time. That’s what this setup is for. But I collect CDs, some of these are irreplaceable. I love them all. I could tell you where I got almost every single one. I read the notes inside. I look at the artwork.”
Trying to explain it was like talking to a wall. “But all that stuff is online!” She was begging me to reconsider but guess what. I still have all my CDs.
Still trying to work on a decent storage layout, but I’m not a carpenter. I can barely hammer a nail. I need people to help with stuff like that. It’ll happen one day. But the discs. aren’t. leaving. And just on a logistical level, I need to have my music backed up to a hard copy like CD anyway just in case something happened to my 2-terrabyte digital library!
I would never recommend hiring a professional organiser to any of my music fans. They won’t understand your needs and you could end up making mistakes. Don’t make the same ones I did, but do stick to your guns when it comes to your albums!
MY WICKED TWIN – 3 Engines (2020)
Like a bolt out of the blue, My Wicked Twin (Brent & Brian Doerner) have a new album out, their fourth, called 3 Engines. A tight set with 10 songs in the 3-4 minute range, 3 Engines rocks. Let’s have a listen.
“Gone Nomad”, the heavier than hell opener, is a tricky number that recalls Max Webster, but amped up. “I’ve got a gun if we disagree,” sings Brent in an electronically treated voice, appropriate to the tune. By the second track, “Light From Within”, we are in more traditional hard rock territory…until the corner bar piano kicks in! Clearly nobody was afraid of taking chances. The dark guitar hook is terrific on this one, as is the melodic bass. Melody is also the focus of “Things I Wanna Do” a quirky modern sounding track with programmed beats and patches of keyboard. Dig the engines revving! “Give and Take” sounds like a natural followup, and it’s interesting to hear so much focus on the vocal melodies this time out. Clearly a lot of effort went into them.
“Escaping California” has a dreamy quality, with spare use of keyboards that set the scene. But it’s the following song, “House on the Highway”, that is the most fun. Who doesn’t love a little banjo? It adds variety and a little down-home quality and there’s nothing wrong with that. “House on the Highway” for the win.
For heavy, you want “Digital Veins”. The guitars and keys complement each other nicely. “Rock and roll is what I am used to,” sings Brent, but he’s also not afraid to stretch out within those confines. There’s a cool 80s vibe to “Digital Veins”. Then “Half Broken” has an interesting rhythm to accompany the cool keys and guitars. Killer solo here. “Running Out of Time” has an accelerated pace but also some seriously tasty twang. The album ends with “Brain Dance”, a cool party tune with a serious thump. Wicked guitars, with varied tones and licks.
3 Engines is different, and that’s good. The keyboards add an atmospheric tone, and it’s not dissimilar to old Max Webster. The electronic treatment on the drums and vocals works, and complement the music. My Wicked Twin have taken some leaps and bounds on this album, and ended up with some accomplished tunes. Not for headbangin’. 3 Engines rocks, but it rocks smart.
4/5 stars
Additional musicians:
Paul Chapman – guitar solo on “Running Out of Time”
Jim Mclean – guitar and co-writer on “Light”
Rob Kemp – guitar on “Light”
Graham Smith – bass on “House” and “Light”
I hope you’ve been enjoying these Facebook live streams! I sure have been. This week’s stream will be Saturday April 18 at 7:00 PM Eastern Standard Time. The idea behind changing days and times is to give different people an opportunity to watch. (If you missed last week’s live stream, The Judas Priest Discography, you can watch it here.)
The subject matter this week is: Rare Box Sets! I have an armful dusted off to show off to you. Some you may have seen on my site before, and some you might not even know existed. I’ll throw in a rare album or two as time permits. I plan on going for roughly an hour. Rob Daniels from Visions in Sound will be going live after I’m done so I’ll be jumping over to catch his show!
No crazy stunts this time, but I will be trying out a new feature. Whether it’s a bomb or not, we’ll see. It’s called What the Hell is Mike’s Dad Watching on TV.
Join me tomorrow at 7 PM E.S.T. for some rock and roll shenanigans! Facebook: Michael Ladano
Disclaimer: There will be NO half-moons this time. I swear.