Record Store Tales

Part 281: People of Walmart

RECORD STORE TALES Part 281:  People of Walmart

You know what I really hated?  (No, really this time!)  Customers who went out of their way to tell us that Walmart or Future Shop or Best Buy had something cheaper.  Much of the time, the customer wasn’t looking for a better deal on a CD.  They just seemed to relish letting me know that somebody else in town had a cheaper price.  Most of the time, I couldn’t have matched a rival’s prices anyway.  Big box stores’ prices were often below our cost, because of the sheer quantities they purchased.  Or, they sold a CD below their cost as a “loss leader” – getting somebody in the store to buy the new Backstreet Boys and taking a loss on it in hopes that they also buy other stuff.

I remember one obnoxious lady, in the store with her three kids.

“Do you know that Walmart has your Backstreet Boys CD there for $3 less than you have it?  HAH!”

Really?  You needed to throw that “HAH!” there at the end?

BINGO

Play with friends!

The truth was, I couldn’t have cared less.  We had a pricing structure that allowed us to be competitive with other record stores.  Walmart have it for $3 less?  Then buy it at Walmart.  I’m not going to be able to compete with them on the price of the new Backstreet Boys CD.  Also, those big release sales were generally just for the first few days of release.  By the weekend, their prices would be closer to ours.

Essentially we only carried new stock so we’d have those titles when customers asked for them.  We made all the money on the used stock and accessories.  If a customer came into my store and bought the new Backstreet Boys, great.  If they came into the store looking for the new Backstreet Boys but also bought two or three used CDs with it, then that’s what we were aiming for.  Sometimes we tried the “hard sell” at the cash register.  “Now don’t forget to stock up on blank CDs and CD cleaner while you’re here!  We have this CD cleaner for $5.99.”

You want cheap new releases?  Great!  Who doesn’t?  If that’s what you’re after then by all means, go to Walmart.  But if you wanted fair prices, lots of used CD selection instead of all the new releases, knowledgeable staff and a more personal touch than Walmart?  Come to us.  Put your name on a waiting list for a used copy of the new Backstreet Boys.  When it comes in, it’ll be cheaper than Walmart’s new copies.  As an added bonus you don’t have to look at the “People of Walmart” or be treated to their impersonal style.  Not good enough?  Then support Walmart and big megacorporations.  No skin off my sack!

Part 280: Record Store Gallery III – Furry Friends

RECORD STORE TALES Part 280:  Record Store Gallery III – Furry Friends

I’m a sucker for furry friends.  Who isn’t?  Maybe you’re a cat person, maybe you’re a dog person, or something else!  I mentioned a few weeks ago that Kitchener has a high population of Miniature Schnauzers, and the Ladano clan have owned quite a few of those.

This first picture is kind of a sad one.  The year is 2000, and that’s me and my first puppy, Crystal aka Gozer.  (That’s what happens when you let my dad name animals.)  Crystal was a great little friend but very sick.  She went blind in ’94 and had all kinds of health issues.  This picture of us is the last photo taken of her.   I remember the day we had to put her down, I had to work an afternoon shift at T-Rev’s store.  T-Rev was out of town building a new store, and I was filling in for him as I occasionally did.  It was not the happiest shift to work.

GozerMike

However life goes on and a year later we got Ani!  Ani can be a bad little puppy sometimes, but she’s been my best furry friend for a long time now.  Unfortunately Ani suffers from a lot of the same health issues that Crystal did.  However she’s been a resilient little Schnauzer and has outlived her life expectancy by numerous years already.  And seemingly happily too.  Which is the main thing.

I brought Ani into the store one afternoon when I was off.  She was so good, a little scared though.  But she stayed quiet and didn’t try to escape, which she often does!  Customers would occasionally bring their dogs into the store, and I never had a problem with it.  Nobody pooped or peed on the floor when I was there.

Lotsa Schnauzers

Finally, I bought my own place and got this guy to go with it.  This is Zoboomafoo, a leaping lemur from a hit Canadian kid’s TV show.  It was on every morning before work and I started getting obsessed with it.  One of our store managers, a girl who worked in Cambridge, spotted a Zoboomafoo puppet at the Cinema One store there.  They only had one, and both of us wanted it!  It was a race to see who could get it first.  Needless to say, I won!

zoboomafoo

Part 279: Record Store Gallery Deux

RECORD STORE TALES Part 279:  Record Store Gallery Deux

I found another whack of old photos going back to the record store days.  Allow me to take you on a guided tour!

Gallery #1:  This would have been 2002.  The tragus was the most painful piercing I experienced.  It was the only time that somebody said, “he’s turning white, get him some juice to drink.”  The piercer was my friend Lois who works at Stigmata in Guelph.  She was apprenticing, with me as a test subject.  She even gave me the labret stud that they pierced it with, so the experience was free!  Note that Marillion shirt, and my then-sveldt shape!

Gallery #2:  A variety of sushi and fancy dinners with our Niagara Falls store owner Lemon Kurri Klopek, Guinness’ Book alumnus Sweet Pepper Klopek, the British piercer Sarge, and the mysterious man known only as Mr. Lebowski.

I look like a goth Leprechaun.

Gallery #3:  New arrivals! My birthday 2004! The Paul Stanley interview picture disc was from a friend in York, England named Kim. The Marillion singles were a birthday gift from a guy in France named Charly. And the Marillion Marbles deluxe edition was a gift for me, from me, that happened to arrive at the right time!

 

Last Words:  I love that this photo gallery contains three completely different facial hair styles:  A simple goatee, my Ian Paice mutton chops, and finally a full beard.  Cool!

Part 278: The Return of Dan Dan the Box Set Man

RECORD STORE TALES Part 278:  The Return of Dan Dan the Box Set Man

Astute LeBrain readers may recall that one of my customers, Dan aka “Box Set Man”, always had cool stuff in his collection.  It was he that gave me an original Ritchie Blackmore photo from a private collection in Part 168: The Constipated Ritchie Blackmore.  In January 2005 he appeared at my door once again to sell me some goodies.  While I did not record everything Dan sold to me that day, I did take note of the five that I was going to add to my personal collection!

Please excuse me if I sounded a little over excited.  I always tried to journal honestly!

Date: 2005/01/11 21:43

WOW.

HOLY SHIT.

Oh God oh God oh God!

YOU WILL NOT BELIEVE THE AMAZING ITEMS THAT CAME INTO WORK TODAY.  I am going to have an expensive January.  I am going to MISS this part of my job. [I had applied to several jobs.]

Here’s the complete list of cool shit that I need to buy:

1. DVD – Harold & Kumar.  We got in two used copies already!  [It was only released the week before, on Jan 4.]

2. CDs – Deep Purple 25th Annivesary box set–JAPANESE IMPORT BABY!  Not much on there that I “need” but it does have all three edits of “Burn”, in fact it looks to have every single edit from every 7″.  Also has two mono mixes.  Must have.

3. CD – Jethro Tull – Bursting Out-Live (remastered)

4. CD – Jethro Tull – Jethro Tull Christmas Album

5. CD – Queen – On Fire: Live At The Hollywood Bowl

One cool thing is that I still have all five of these items, all still in the same condition that I found them in!  Thanks Dan, wherever you may be….

Part 277.5: Klassik Kwote – The Dandy Douche Strikes Back

RECORD STORE TALES Part 277.5:
Klassik Kwote – The Dandy Douche Strikes Back

SIXTY SIXI’m a pretty big Led Zeppelin fan, having bought all their albums more than once (and at least once more) over the years.  When this Robert Plant CD came out in November 2003, it was high on my radar.  I didn’t own any Plant solo albums (beyond The Honeydrippers), but wanted something of his in my collection.  This compilation of hits and rarities was perfect for my needs.

I was listening to it in the store one afternoon when Dandy sauntered in.  Always eager to criticize my musical selections on any given day, he had this to say about Robert Plant’s Sixty Six to Timbuktu:

“I was talking to my dad about why Led Zeppelin sucked,” he said.  “Now I know.  It’s not Led Zeppelin that sucked, it was just Robert Plant all along.”

Thoughts?  Weigh in below with a comment!

IMG_20140316_161250

Part 277: Sales Tax

RECORD STORE TALES Part 277:  Sales Tax

Early September.  Our stores were flooded with students new and returning.  This is an exciting time for many.  For the students, it’s another exciting year at one of our local colleges or universities.  For me, it was meeting and hopefully keeping new customers.  Sometimes though, there were some customers that were just never meant to be.

I remember ringing in one used CD for a customer.  He was a young guy, a new student in town.  If you’ve ever been a young student (Lord knows I once was) sometimes you run into those that “know it all”.  I was one of those, too.  This guy was one as well.

I rang in his CD sale.

“That comes to $13.79 please,” I said as the computer calculated the Provincial Sales Tax and the Goods & Services Tax.   Some, such as people with native status cards, are exempt from PST.  Most were not and had to pay the full (then) 15% tax.  Yeah, it’s a lot.  We Canadians pay a lot of sales tax.

“Is there tax on this?” the customer asked.

“Yeah unfortunately,” I responded.

“That’s wrong,” he answered abruptly.

Not understanding his full meaning I responded sympathetically, “Yeah, I know, but what can you do.  The government’s going to take their part.”

“No, I mean that’s wrong, that’s not correct.  You can’t charge tax on a used CD.”

Hooboy.  I don’t know where this guy came from, but he’d obviously never bought a used CD before.  I tried to explain, as a line began to form behind him.

“We have to charge tax on a used CD, because the government’s going to collect it from us whether we want it or not,” I said.  “We’ve been selling used CDs in this province for over five years now, and reporting it to Revenue Canada.  Believe me, if we didn’t they’d be in here pretty quick with a nice audit.”

He appeared stubbornly stumped.  Not understanding the concept of sales tax applied to the end-user, he repeated “That’s not right.  A used CD isn’t the same as a used car.  You can’t charge sales tax on a used CD.”

At this point I didn’t have much else left to add.  “Well, you can certainly check this out for yourself, but every used CD store here in town charges PST and GST on every used CD they sell.”  I fibbed slightly; there’s a store in uptown Waterloo called the Orange Monkey that seemed semi-legit at best.  They had no cash register, no debit machine, and charged no tax on anything in their store.  I don’t know how they did it.  Leaving them out of the equation, I continued.  “Every used CD store I’ve been to in this province has charged me sales tax on every CD.”

“This is really irregular,” he said frustratingly as he finally paid for his CD.

It might be irregular, but all used CD stores in this province still charge sales tax on used goods.  That’s a fact Jack!

IMG_20140303_173721

Part 276: Character Study – HH and Rasputin

RECORD STORE TALES Part 276:  Character Study – HH and Rasputin

HH (aka “Hobbit”) and Rasputin were regulars.  They came to T-Rev’s store first, always selling, never buying.  HH was known for her outrageous makeup.  Usually the lipstick started somewhere below the nose and went down to the chin.  Trevor used to say, “She looks like that woman from David Lee Roth’s ‘Just A Gigolo’ video!  Remember her?”

“DAVID! DAVID!  MY KIDS WILL DEFINITELY KILL ME IF YOU DON’T SIGN THESE PICTURES FOR THEM!”

That’s kind of how she looked.  Very close.  In the summer, HH wore these short skirts that were just way too little clothing.  T-Rev had to deal with her more often than I did.  I don’t know how he didn’t claw his own eyes out.  T-Rev tells me that once, HH pulled up to his store riding a little banana seat bike, wearing that short skirt.  He remembers her so clearly.  “Yeah!   The ‘hobbit’, the ripped nylons and the short skirt with her ass hanging out…yuck.  She looked like she had a Botox stroke in her face!” he says.

Rasputin, unsurprisingly, looked a lot like Grigori Rasputin, the famous “mad monk” of Russian history.  All he lacked was the long hair.  His long trench coat even remotely resembled Rasputin’s long monk robes.  T-Rev nicknamed him Rasputin, or Razzy for short.  He had a lazy eye.

They would come in, selling crappy scratched used CDs.  HH would often say she was selling them for her son.  That meant she had procreated, a scary thought in itself.  She never specifically identified Razzy as the father, but that certainly could have been the case.  Razzy never spoke.  When we would make an offer on the CDs, HH would turn to Razzy.  Razzy would either nod yes, or shake his head no.  Then they’d try to haggle.  Their CDs were rarely worth haggling over.  But haggle they did.  According to Trevor, “I remember her always haggling for a better price out of me…like ‘this CD is really popular right now with the kids’.  Fuck you!”

Those summers of HH and Razzy are long gone, now. I wonder if Razzy ever shaved off that black beard.   I wonder if she’s still riding that bike in her skirt.  I may never know…I don’t really want to know.

Part 275: Catharis (Second Anniversary special)

MIKELADANOMikeladano.com celebrates its second anniversary today!  It started with Record Store Tales Part 1, and here we are at Part 275!  (That’s one tale every 2.65 days for the numbers-oriented out there.)  A huge THANK-YOU to everyone who’ve read my stuff; as David Lee Roth says, “It ain’t no fuckin’ good without an audience.”  I also need to thank those friends that read this stuff years ago and told me to keep writing — they know who they are.   And my family, but especially the lovely Mrs. LeBrain who lets me rock and roll all nite and part of every day.  I love you sweety.

Enjoy this Record Store Tale!

RECORD STORE TALES Part 275:  Catharsis

Sometimes when I hit these milestones, I like to reflect on where I’ve been and where I’m headed.  Two years ago when I began publishing the Record Store Tales I didn’t know if anyone would read it.  I was pleased to find that enough people enjoyed reading these stories that it was worth continuing.

I knew when I started posting these that eventually, inevitably, somebody from the old record store would find them.  I made the decision to write under my real name, not a pseudonym.  I anticipated that while some of my old friends would be entertained by these stories, some would not.  I took efforts to protect the identities of the characters in the story that are not portrayed in a positive light.

I did a “soft” launch of the site.  That is, I began publishing the stories one chapter at a time, but I kept it to myself and a close circle of friends.  The response was very positive and constructive.  While some friends urged me to “keep it short”, one of the most popular earlier stories was one of the longest.  Part 16: Traveling Man was the story of a long misadventure in Oakville Ontario, climaxed by an encounter with an unpleasant lawyer customer.  One friend told me the story was “fucking hilarious” and that he anticipated from the start that the guy in the story was a lawyer.   This feedback encouraged me to keep going for it.  I was fired up.

Then once I had enough content up to give people something substantial to read, I did my “official” launch via Facebook, Twitter and email.  It didn’t take long for the rain to hit my parade.  As I anticipated some people from the store didn’t like my stories, but Spoogecakes was the only one to publicly voice her disgust, way back in Part 35.5.  The funny thing about this was that I hadn’t planned on even mentioning Spoogecakes in my story, but then she went and wrote herself in.  Oh well.

I never could have done a white-washed version of the Record Store Tales.  I tried.  Seven or eight years ago I tried something called “Record Store-ies” (lame title, I know).  Some of the “Record Store-ies” got recycled into the old Klassic Kwotes, but it wasn’t the satisfying, cathartic experience that my soul had been craving.  After the Spoogecakes shit-storm, I approached a mentor of mine about the situation.  I asked him if I had been too negative in the past, if I should have toned it down.  His response to me was something I have taken to heart ever since.

“If you compromise your art in order to please a small minority of people no matter how vocal, you will ultimately end up with a piece of art that you don’t like.”

That was great advice.  My bottom line is always, “Do I like it?”  I’ve tried to maintain a balance.  There are stories about people with whom I conflicted, but there are also stories about things like me shitting my pants in the store.   And I didn’t give myself an alias for these stories!

This isn’t just storytelling to me.  This is catharsis.  While I was experiencing everything I experienced in the record store, good or bad, I held tight to one thought.  That thought was, “When this is all over, at least I will have a bunch of great stories to share.  If I can entertain just a few people with these stories then it’s all been worth it.”   Spoogecakes commented that there are “two sides to every story”.

That’s right.  And this is mine.

Part 274: The Hawks

Eric Singer: The Hawk?

RECORD STORE TALES Part 274:  The Hawks

Everybody hates aspects of their jobs. One that I…well, I didn’t hate it, but I disliked it…was buying used CDs off customers. For every one person that came in with a bag or box of treasure, were five assholes with shit. But there were many “types” of sellers. Some sample negative “seller types” that I could see on any given day included:

“What’s ‘The Hawk'” you ask? I’m glad you inquired. The Hawk was among the most annoying type of customer you could find. I’m going to re-create a sample interaction with a Hawk-type for you. I call them Hawks because they watched us like hawks. Sometimes they’d just sit there and watch silently, but the worst Hawks were the talkative ones.

Hawk: “Hey how’s it going. I got what you’re looking for.”

Me: “Oh yeah what do you have?”

Hawk: “Used CDs that’s what! Got a whole bunch for you in this box. So how does this work? $5 each?”

Me: “Well, what happens is I go through them, check them for scratches, and then I’ll figure out prices for each one. I base that on how many we have in stock, the condition of the CD, what it sells for, and so on. So if you’d like to take a look around, give me about 15-20 minutes to do that.”

Hawk: “No that’s OK, I’ll hang here for a bit.”

Me: “OK.”

I’d start going through the discs, taking each one out, checking the playing surface. It’s sometimes a long process. You had to keep an eye on the packaging as well, so many people sold CDs with the wrong discs inside. If I bought one like that, I’d be responsible for my mistake monetarily. The talkative Hawks would question every single move.

SILKHawk: “What’s that pile? Is that for all country CDs?”

Me: “No…that’s the pile that’s in good shape.”

Hawk: “Then what are those piles?”

Me: “Those are ones I’m passing on.”

Hawk: “What for? Those are good CDs. There’s some old Boz Scaggs in there. He’s hard to find.”

Me: “Some of them are just a tad too scratched for me to take. But if you give me some time I’ll get myself organized here and then I can explain what I’ve done.”

Hawk: “Nah I like watching. Now that CD there, that’s a double.”

Me: “Yes, I know. I’ve seen this album a few times.”

Hawk: “And that one there? That’s an import. Guy at HMV charged me $30 for that thing, and it only has the one good song! You’re gonna give me at least $10 for it right?”

Me: “Well, I can tell you right now I can’t give you $10, but I haven’t priced any of these yet so I’m not quite there.”

Hawk: “That one’s good. You ever heard of this guy before?”

Me: “Pat Travers? Yes.”

Hawk: “Really? Where’s a young guy like you hear of Pat Travers?”

Me: “I’m 30.”

You guys think I’m making this up? Hell no! Maybe not all in one conversation, but these are all things that have been said to me by various Hawks over the years! Anyway at this point I could end up with a dozen piles of CDs in front of me.

Me: “OK, so what we have here are all CDs that have minor blemishes on them. I can take them but for a little less because we have to get them polished up. So from left to right I can give you $1 each, $2…”

Hawk: “$1 for these?”

Me: “Yes, the sticker price on those are fairly low…”

Hawk: “But I paid $20 for this at HMV!”

Me: “I know but that CD has dropped in price drastically since it came out. It’s a budget price disc now.”

Hawk: “Alright, alright, go on.”

Me: “$2 each, $3 each and $4 for those.”

Hawk: “But that’s a double.”

Me: “I know, but both discs are scuffed so I have to get both fixed, and it also sells for about the price of a single CD.”

Hawk: “Show me these scuffs you’re talking about.”

So I’d hand him a CD and point out the marks. Hawk would say, “That’ll just wipe off,” and then proceed to wipe the CD on his T-shirt and hand it back to me.

CRASHMe: “Yeah, that’s…that’s still scratched. Anyway, that’s those, you can certainly hang onto them if you want. As for these, these were all in excellent shape. For these I can go $2 each, $3 each…”

Hawk: “$3 for Pat Travers? Do you know how hard to get this is?”

Me: “OK, I’ll give you $4 on that one, but I can’t go any higher because it’s a budget CD these days. You can get it at HMV’s website brand new for about $11.”

Hawk: “I’m keeping my Pat Travers. My buddy offered me $10 for that one, he said it’s hard to get. I told him I was going to you first, because you guys say you offer the best prices in town.”

Me: “Yeah, sure, if he’s going to give you $10 for it, I would say go for it, that is a good deal for both of you.”

Hawk: “Gimme $10 for Travers and I’ll throw in this whole pile of CDs for free.”

Me: “But that’s the pile of CDs that I can’t take because they’re too scratched.”

Hawk: “So sell them at a buck a piece and you’re still making money.”

VALUEMe: “I’m sorry I can’t do that.”

Hawk: “Why not? Somebody will buy them. Just put the box out with a sticker that says $15 for the whole box and you’re gonna sell it.”

Me: “We don’t really sell stuff by the box…never mind, I just can’t take them, sorry about that.”

Hawk: “Alright. So what’s that come to? $100 and we’ll call it a deal.”

Me: “I can give you $80 cash or $90 store credit.”

Hawk: “$90.”

Me: “You want the store credit?”

Hawk: “No, you give me $90 cash and we’ll call it done.”

Me: “I’ll give you $80 cash and that’s a good deal.”

Hawk: “$90 and I give you this box of CDs.”

Me: “I can’t take those.”

Hawk: “Jesus, what happened to negotiation? I’ll take the $80!”

The Hawks. Reason #87 that I disliked buying used goods off the public!

Part 273: Purp Ate My Balls Redux: Special Edition

RECORD STORE TALES Part 273:
Purp Ate My Balls Redux: Special Edition

I am thrilled to have discovered all the missing pictures of the infamous “Purp Ate My Balls” gallery.  This isn’t everyone who owned the shirt, just the ones who took pictures.

What’s the “Purp Ate My Balls” shirt?  Well, to quote the original story, Part 227:

10 years ago my online handle was “Purpendicular.”  (Gee, where did I get that name from?)  ”Purp” made a good short-form nickname.  For whatever reason…and believe me I wish I could remember…Sarge decided to make and give out 40 or 50 “Purp Ate My Balls” shirts!  He gave them to all his shop employees (Metal Fatigue in Bournemouth) and I’m pretty sure all the Klopeks ended up with them too.

Here’s a whole lotta pictures of English people wearing me on their shirts!

“Purp Ate My Balls”

I also found the original photo that started it all!

PURP ATE MY BALLS